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Jax woke up in a cold sweat, her gaze darting around the room. Her pupils were practically pinpoints, a physical manifestation of the sheer terror whatever nightmare she had had induced.
EJ stirred, and his protective instincts kicked in the moment he saw Jax’s panic. He sat up and reached out to hold her, but he stopped himself at the last moment. He didn’t want to inadvertently make things worse.
“H-hey…. It’s okay. You’re safe.” he said in a soft, soothing tone.
Jax started to realize that she was just in bed with EJ, that it had all been a dream. Her previously dilated pupils returned to their regular size as her boyfriend’s voice broke through the lingering fog of her nightmare.
She turned to EJ and grabbed onto him. She was trembling. EJ immediately held onto her in return, gently stroking her ears to try and comfort her. “Shhh…. Just breathe…. It’s alright….” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
Jax eventually managed to calm down a bit, sighing shakily as she buried her face in EJ’s chest. “It was about me.” she finally spoke.
EJ’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What was about you?” he asked. Jax looked up from EJ’s chest. “My nightmare.”
Her grip on the other rabbit tightened. “I….. I was with myself. Another me. He…. He was all dark, like a shadow…. and he was grinning in that stupid, condescending way I used to.” she said, hiding her face partially again “He said that I was…. I was acting like a….. a fag. That I needed to act like a man.”
She hated the internalized transphobia - and homophobia - that she experienced due to her upbringing. She hated it.
EJ rested his chin on top of Jax’s head, continuing to stroke her ears. He felt the same way about himself sometimes. He hated that Jax had to experience it too.
“That’s just your brain being a bully…. You’re perfect just the way you are, as a wonderful, amazing girl.” he said, keeping his voice steady and sure. He pulled back just enough to look at Jax, who had tears in her eyes now. It made his heart ache for her.
He gently wiped her tears away as he looked at her with a reassuring, soft expression. “You don’t have to act like a man just because the world thinks you should. You can just… act like yourself.”
Jax let out a soft sob, feeling another pang of self-hatred. She wished she could just feel good about herself. She wanted it more than anything.
“Does it ever go away? The… the internalized transphobia, the self-hatred, the… the doubt?” she asked. EJ had accepted himself faster than she had, after all. He was her exact opposite in that regard - as well as almost every other. But she also knew that he had dealt with the same struggles she was at some point.
EJ thought it over for a moment, his ears drooping just a little. “….. I don’t know if goes away fully. I-I mean, it hasn’t for me. But…. It gets a lot better. I’m sure about that much.”
Jax gave a small nod. She had suspected that. But…. if EJ could overcome it, why shouldn’t she be able to do the same? Even if it took time.
She still felt a little upset, but she also felt much better than before. “Thank you.” she said softly. She nuzzled against the other rabbit affectionately. “I love you, you softie. I hope you know that.” she said, giving EJ a small, teasing smile.
EJ smiled back. “You’re welcome. And I love you too.” He laid the both of them down again, continuing to hold Jax close. “Do you… do you wanna keep talking, or do you wanna go to sleep?” he asked.
Jax yawned, snuggling closer to EJ. “I think I wanna sleep some more. It’s only like…. four in the morning.” she said, closing her eyes “See you in a bit.”
EJ closed his own eyes, feeling his body grow heavy again. “Yeah… see you soon.” They both went back to sleep, keeping each other feeling warm and safe until they woke up again. Jax could always count on EJ. And with him by her side, her thoughts were a little less loud.