Chapter Text
Jax scrunched up his eyes, slowly opening them. The black void beneath him flickered with a magenta glow, rings flickering out towards the edges of nowhere.
There was a new light in the distance, barely a dot on the horizon.
His body felt heavy. He guessed that made sense, seeing that he was dead.
…right.
…He was dead.
Slowly, each limb came beneath his body, sending off more rings with each contact with the ‘floor’, finally rising to his feet.
A nearby streetlight clicked on with a pinkish glow, previously invisible in the inky black of nothingness.
And another.
And another, all in a row, down towards that dot in the distance.
He took a labored step forward, watching the light expand from the point. Swung his leg forward, taking another.
The lights, patterning like cobblestones with each sullen footfall, head slowly panning from the floor up as the distant glow became more distinct.
…it wasn’t a dot. So much for going into the light. —Not that he deserved that.
The glow was obscured by a shape, filling the area with the filtered light escaping around the edges.
Another step forward.
The eclipsing image, elongating the closer he got.
Closer, closer yet.
Stepping beyond the area lit by the street lamps, 3 more flicked to life, continuing the same line.
The air felt crisp and cold, but his ears felt clogged, like his head was underwater.
Another 3 footfalls.
Behind, the street lamps began to click off, the darkness now following at his back. All there was now was the glow ahead, the lamps to his right, and the rings marking each pace.
As he continued forward, a sound, muffled, began to float through the air.
Chatter, laughter.
The clinking of cups, the shuffling of cards.
Voices.
Familiar voices.
His legs became heavy again, each step increasingly leaden, until finally coming to a full stop.
A door.
The distant glow, now only a few yards away, sourced from it, a light beyond leaking through the gap out into the black, filling the nothingness with a comforting pink tone.
The light made the front side of the door darker in contrast, making it impossible to make out what it looked like.
…But he already knew, didn’t he?
His fists were clenching in and out, heartbeat ringing in his head. Throat so tight it felt like he was choking.
His vision was getting blurry.
The muffled speaking was louder, clearer. He couldn’t make out any words, but the speakers were obvious.
Back and forth, back and forth. Him to her, and back to him again.
He took a single step forward, freezing.
No, no.
He spun his head around, turning towards the black that stretched on forever.
He couldn’t do this. He had to turn around, he had to leave.
The streetlights that had lined the path shut off the same second.
Damnit—damnit!
He ran out towards the black, only to slam into an invisible wall.
Fuck, no, no…
Slamming a fist onto the surface, unrelentingly and unmoving. Not even a sound as hands and shoulders collided with it. Moving to the right, another wall. The left, another.
This can’t be real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real.
Pounding and pounding until his hands hurt and his arms were too tired to hold up their weight. He slumped forward, pressing his head against the air.
There was a click, and the glow behind grew in magnitude, his shadow now stark against the pink as it extended towards the horizon. The chatter, the laughter…it’d all gone quiet.
…Breathe in, breathe out…
He raised his head from the invisible surface. One foot shifted right, ever so slowly turning his body, finally rotating a full 180 back towards the door.
…Breathe in…
His mouth was forcefully curving into that exaggerated frown as much as his muscles strained against it, the whole world barely visible through the water coated on his lenses.
God, he looked so…stupid, standing there all teary eyed like a damn baby, slouched over like a kid who’d been shoved in time out.
Straighten your back, force a smile, wipe your eyes…something, something…
The door had been opened, and silhouetted in its light…a shape all too familiar.
Do something…do anything…
He collapsed again, falling slump onto the floor.
He didn’t want to look at her.
He wouldn’t look at her.
He…couldn’t…look at her.
They stepped out a little bit from the doorway, propping open the entrance with one hand. He was looking away towards the ground, but their shadow still cast, forcing him to watch every movement regardless.
She took a deep breath, turning her head for a second before looking back down at him.
“…hey, asshole.”
He tried to open his mouth—a quip, a clap-back, anything, anything—but his jaw was clenched so tight it wouldn’t move. Raising his leg, he held his chest tight in both arms, topping forward.
She continued talking after another strung out breath.
“—you aren’t supposed to be here.”
Their voice raised, slowly growing into a yell.
“—you aren’t supposed to be here—you aren’t supposed to be here! Why…why are you here?”
He barely managed to catch his breath, responding in shaky, pathetic sobs.
“I’m sorry..I..”
He wasn’t even sure what he was saying. He wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry! He wasn’t, he wasn’t—wasn’t, wasn’t, wasn’t—
Ribbit’s silhouette had doubled over, the clenched fist dragging down the door.
She actually went quiet for a while, and he slowly turned and raised his head. She was so blurry—yelling as she faced down at the ground.
“God Damnit!”
Her voice was choked, gasping for air.
“You—You fucking dumbass! You weren’t…”
His stomach sucked in all the way, ribcage visible with every word.
“I’m sorry..”
It felt instinctual—no, it was instinctual—that’s all it could be. There was no way he actually meant it.
“I’m so sorry..”
He didn't mean it. That’s why it hurt so much to say.
“Please…”
He couldn't mean it. The words must be poison, that must why his chest was so tight.
Ribbit took a breath, continuing to cry, interrupting the rambling apologies.
“You weren’t supposed to—!”
A tear fell to the ground.
“You weren’t…you weren’t supposed to…die!”
She turned her head up, the two making eye contact for a painful, prolonged moment that never seemed to end.
Looking at them, he could feel his throat, all swollen up again.
“How could you?! How could you just—show up here, and just—and…”
She planted her other hand on her face, dragging it down over her eyes, pinching at non-existent nose to wipe away tears.
“—I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”
He was just rambling at this point, a leaky faucet of empty apologies. He sniffed, feeling his nose burn.
“—You don’t have to let me in, you don’t even have to look at me, please don’t look at me..”
A painful gasp for air, stretching his jaw fully, going on, almost yelling as well.
“…I’m fucking stupid, I get it, I’m…I’m a horrible person—I’m the only reason you’re here, I’m the only reason he’s here, I…I—“
One last suck of air, planting his forehead into the floor.
“—I ruined everything. —I’m the only person that deserves…the only person who deserves to be here. Don’t look at me—just—“
She took a step towards him, leaving the door propped.
A second.
A third.
“Damnit, Just—just leave! Just…shut that fucking door, and leave me out here! Don’t even waste your thoughts on me! I haven’t…I haven’t done anything to deserve you wasting your breath on me.”
With another step, she was standing directly over him, shadow engulfing his crumpled shape. She gradually knelt down.
“Just...”
They wrapped their arms around him, laying their head down on his curved back.
“I’m…I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry about anything! Hate me!”
It felt so tight. Held in a nonexistent warmth, two ghosts bent down in the empty black.
“You can’t just..you…I'm not…”
Finally, his voice petered out into a quiet whine. He raised his lead-filled head, burying it into their shoulder.
It felt like eternity, just sobbing on the ground.
He could’ve handled an eternity like that, in her arms, forever, in the thickest of silences.
But the silence wasn’t permanent. Ribbit swallowed, practically murmuring into his ear with how low her voice had gotten, hoarse from the yelling and the crying.
“…you’re such a fucking stubborn piece of shit…”
She squeezed tighter.
“…and I hate how fucking happy I am to hold you again..I shouldn’t be happy—it’s horrible.”
As the minutes passed, embraced so tight like that—he could feel his heart gradually slow down, his breath steadying.
“…Ribbit..”
“…I really fucking missed you, man.”
As though puppetted, his arms came up, returning the hug. With that, the tears returned as well.
“…you shouldn’t, I—I haven’t done anything to deserve it. Just…leave me alone!”
There was a long pause, long enough that Ribbit finally disengaged the hug. He leaned back from her, still on his knees, still splotchy and puffy.
She lifted her hands up to grab his face, wiping his eyes with her thumbs. A part of him wanted to do the same for her—droplets still clung at the edge of their eyes—but his arms felt too heavy to move.
“…well, you’ve got plenty of time to earn it now.”
Lowering her arms, she shuffled, turning her body a bit so they weren’t sitting on their knees anymore.
They wiped their eyes, and gestured over their shoulder with a thumb.
“..you caught me and Kaufy in the middle of a game of B.S., actually. That and just, y'know, shooting the shit.”
“…yeah, I’m sure.”
She looked to the side.
“..I’m sure he’d also be happy to see you. Or pissed. Or both, I don’t know—Either way.”
Jax went to open his mouth, but Ribbit cut him off again, unfastening her bowtie. Familar enough of a gesture that he could feel his stomach already having dropped.
“—and before you say anything…“
He wanted to jerk away from it, but just stood still, letting her fasten the bow up on his ear.
“…He knows already. —Kind of. Kaufmo, I mean. We’ve…had a while to chat, about literally everything and anything, so that…eventually came around, I could only beat around the bush for so long. He’s…chill, I think. Probably will want to hear it from you though.”
He felt his chest heave in and out. He wanted to open his mouth, in protest, or something, but nothing happened.
She continued on.
“…Don’t think too hard about all of it when he asks, though. You’ve got forever to figure it out—literally, I don’t think time passes here. Y’know, purgatory, or..whatever this is.”
She rose to her feet and extended a hand down towards him.
“We get visitors sometimes. Some of Kauf’s old coworkers, a…dog..furry..autistic? Guy —there’s this weird clock…bean-looking thing—they drop by sometimes and we all get high and play charades. —It’s awesome.”
He slowly tilted his head. After a moment, he snickered to himself, wiping his eyes.
“..what does that have to do with anything?..”
“Nothing. Just—wanted to lighten your mood a little before Kaufmo sees you, since you’re stupid about emotions.”
He reached up, taking her hand and letting her pull him to his feet again.
She turned, starting to walk towards the door, but stopped, turning her head over her shoulder to talk to him.
“Wait. One last thing.”
“—Yeah?”
SMACK!
With a flash, there was the sting of a webbed fist striking across his cheek. Reeling, he grabbed the side of his face.
“Ow! What the fuck was that for?!”
Ribbit crossed her arms, shifting her weight to one foot.
“Consider it making things even. …Or, at least, the start of it.”
She leaned forward, pointing at him with a stiff hand.
“—no…weird avoidant bullshit, or you get another. I have all of forever to torture you now, and you don't even have abstraction to get out of it anymore. Kaufmo’s not on your side either, as of current. Got it?”
He was still rubbing his cheekbone. …For a dead person, that punch had a lot of life in it.
“Seriously? I mean..”
He groaned. “Ugh, fine…it’s not like I have anywhere to avoid you people anyways.”
“Exactly! And if it ever gets bad enough, you can just snap your own neck and take a nap for a while, and you’ll reformat your body in a couple of minutes, cooled off and with a ‘fresh mind’. Literally! I did that a couple of times for dramatic effect.”
He slipped back into a bit of smile, that sneering tone of voice. He punched her lightly in the shoulder.
“Seriously? What, did Kaufy kick your ass in a game of Monopoly too hard or something?”
Without blinking, she responded in deadpan.
“Nah. I just lied to you.”
The resulting facial expression from the reveal made her break into a small fit of giggles.
“—Got ya! That’s good to know—I can pretty much just lie to you about anything here, and you have no idea if I’m fucking with you or not—“
He sighed.
“..dear god..”
“What?”
“..this is going to be a very long eternity stuck with you dweebs.”
She shrugged.
“—Not as long of an eternity with moron number three here, at least.”
Holding the door open for him to catch, she crossed into the room, yelling towards somewhere far off.
“Hey Kaufmo! You won’t believe what just showed up on the doorstep!”
Jax took a deep breath, feeling the rise and fall of his shoulders.
The warmth of the glow on his face versus the chill of the dark on his back.
The still stinging pain on his face.
The snug feeling of the bow around his ear.
…all of it culminated into a single word, hanging on the tip of his tongue.
Pressing off of the doorframe, he crossed over the threshold into the illuminated room, closing the door behind him with a gentle click.
…home.