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The first thing Remus registered feeling was relief.
Sirius was alive and standing in front of him. The second feeling was a gnawing, sickening guilt because someone had died, Edgar Bones, and yet right now, Remus was just so intensely glad that it hadn’t been his Sirius. He barely had time to consider the moral implications of this line of thought before he was dropping his cane and running as fast as he could down the hallway, throwing himself at Sirius and enveloping him into a hug. He ignored the way his hip and legs sent sparks of agony throughout his body as he stood unbalanced and without his cane. He didn’t dare move. He was right where he wanted to be, home, with Sirius’ head tucked perfectly under his chin and a tress of his long dark hair curling around his thumb.
Remus didn’t know how long the two of them stood there embracing one another in silence, but when they eventually pulled apart, he noted the redness of Sirius’ eyes and the slight quiver in his bottom lip as he began speaking.
“Moony… I’m sorry, fuck, I—”
“No, love.” Remus moved his hands to Sirius’ face, tiling his chin up so they were eye to eye. “Shit, Sirius, I’m sorry. I was being so rude to you when you left last night. It wasn’t fair of me.”
“It’s okay.” Sirius spoke so softly that Remus barely heard him.
Remus placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“It’s not okay. But I am sorry.”
“Can we sit? I’m exhausted, been up all night.”
Remus nodded, the familiar aches of his body creeping back into his mind as the adrenaline from Sirius’ return dissipated. Sirius moved into the flat, retrieving Remus’s cane from where it was dropped a few feet away, and passing it to him. They stepped into the living room wordlessly and collapsed onto the sofa. Sirius reached out his hand and Remus, instead of holding it, pulled him into another hug which was warmly accepted by Sirius pressing his face into Remus’ jumper.
“It all went to shit, Lu.”
Remus carded his fingers through Sirius’ hair as he continued speaking.
“It was a trap, I’m sure of it. Someone fucking set us up and—” He groaned. “Bones died. Got hit by an unforgivable and just like that… he’s gone. I didn’t even see who cast it, but Prongs said he thought it was Lucius. I just saw this flash of— of green and heard him yell… I dunno, it was so quick.”
“I’m so sorry Pads.”
Remus moved his hand down Sirius’ back, tracing small circles over his vertebrae.
“After that we left pretty quick. We’d all agreed before that we’d meet at the Prewett’s if something went wrong and I guess Kingsley managed to apparate there with Bones’ body.”
Remus felt Sirius shudder.
“It was so weird. He looked so, normal, or like he was just asleep. Not a scratch on him. I think that’s fucking with me a bit to be honest. It just feels like there should be something obvious marking the fact he’s dead.” He took a beat. “I’m sorry, I’m making no sense right now.”
“You are, love. You can say anything you want. I’m listening.”
“Love you, Lu.”
“Love you more.”
“I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“Don’t be silly, it wasn’t your fault. I mean, yeah, I was scared. I thought something happened to you and all I could think about was our… argument? If you can even call it that.”
Sirius tilted his head up so they were looking at each other and Remus continued speaking.
“More like I just kept thinking that I’d been a dick to you and I that was gonna be the last time I ever saw you. And, shit, that you’d die with that as our last interaction.”
Remus felt nauseous just voicing it out loud. He’d truly thought he was never going to see Sirius again and that the last memory they’d have would be of an icy, standoffish conversation and the awful image of Sirius smiling so sadly, so half-heartedly, at him before apparating away.
“Well, I’m here. I’m okay.”
Remus nodded, he felt tears building up behind his eyes and he stared up at the ceiling to prevent them from falling.
“You’re here.” He repeated, unsure if he was reassuring himself, or Sirius.
“Let’s just agree now not to leave things like that again, yeah?” Sirius whispered.
“Yeah. Promise.”
Remus held out his pinkie finger and Sirius linked it with his own.
“Was it— Did I do something last night, Lu, to piss you off?”
Remus felt his stomach twist. Sirius’ soft tone made him feel so guilty. Sirius had just had a traumatic night and here he was, worrying about the fact he might have upset him.
“No. I was being a dick.” Remus swallowed, he felt like the worst partner in the world.
Sirius didn’t say anything, just stared up with those big grey eyes, his head still leant against Remus’ chest. He gave no sign of moving and so Remus decided to carry on speaking.
“I was upset. Angry actually, but not at you.” He fixed his eyes on the bookshelves, desperate to avoid eye contact with Sirius. “I was angry at myself because I want to fight, I want to be able to fight and help and not just be some useless deadweight that’s always making excuses… or forcing other people to make excuses for me.”
Sirius nodded.
“And I guess last night I realised how everyone sees me as unable. I knew it wasn’t a secret, can’t exactly hide a limp, but just hearing Dumbledore say it out loud, y’know. Him telling me not to come and fight… It made it feel too real.”
Sirius moved his head, shifting up on the sofa so they were side by side, their shoulders pressed tightly together.
“Moony.” Sirius placed a gentle hand on his thigh. “I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if me telling Dumbledore you weren’t well enough was too far, I didn’t mean to overstep.”
“No, no, you were right. I just didn’t want you to be.” Remus conceded.
Sirius nodded again and Remus could practically see the cogs turning in his mind, formulating his next words.
“I know things have been getting worse for you, in terms of your…” Sirius trailed off.
“Legs, body, ability, mobility, any word fits really.” Remus was going for light-hearted but neither of them laughed and the words landed with an unprecedented heaviness. Sirius resumed his sentence.
“I know it’s getting worse and we haven’t really talked about it, not properly anyway. Maybe we should?”
“Yeah, we should. But not right now, Pads.” Remus glanced up to the clock on the wall, four fifteen in the morning. “It’s past four. How about we go to bed and get some rest and revisit this later.”
Sirius seemed to understand that Remus needed more time before they were going to talk about this and nodded in agreement, pulling himself up from the sofa and yawning. He reached out a hand for Remus who stood up with just the slightest groan. Together, they padded into the bedroom and climbed into bed.
Remus got himself settled on his side, pulling in Sirius and wrapping his arms around his torso. Sirius was always so warm and Remus let the heat of his skin transfer onto his own, he’d always tended to run cold.
“I’m so happy you’re here and you’re okay.” Remus whispered into Sirius hair, splayed out over the pillow and his face. He let the soft strands tickle his cheeks, inhaling the deliciously familiar scent of whatever the hell was in Sirius’ expensive shampoo.
“Me too.” Sirius mumbled, his voice already heavy with drowsiness. “Love you so much Moons. I’m always gonna love you. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Remus smiled to himself at the excessive, but welcomed, affection. Sirius always got like this when he was tired.
“Mm hmm. And I’m always gonna love you, Pads. Now sleep.” He pressed a smattering of kisses to the back of Sirius’ head.
Within minutes, Sirius’ breathing had slowed and Remus let himself close his eyes knowing his boyfriend was asleep and okay.
***
Remus woke up first and, glancing across at Sirius curled up in the duvet with his mouth slightly agape and hair tangled, decided to let him keep sleeping. He quietly stretched himself out on the mattress, doing some of the exercises Pomfrey had instructed him to do, kneading at his hamstrings and rolling his ankles as his joints stuttered into motion. He swallowed a groan and let himself lay there a moment longer before swinging his legs over the side of the bed and pulling on a pair of pyjama trousers.
He made his way into the kitchen, only then realising that in the dark of the bedroom he’d picked up Sirius’ pyjamas and the legs stopped just above his ankles. He smiled to himself; there was something comforting about wearing his clothes.
Remus let the events of the last half-a-day wash over him and a bout of nausea accompanied them. Sirius was okay. They were okay. But still, he couldn’t help the feeling of his chest constricting.
He put the kettle on and pottered about, tending to the plant on the sill and trying to calm his nervous system. Forty minutes later he was limping back into the bedroom, a huge plate of pancakes in hand.
“Morning, love.” Remus whispered, setting the plate on the bedside table.
Sirius stirred, turning around to face him and blinking the sleep out of his eyes.
“Hey. You okay?”
Remus nodded and motioned to the pancakes.
“Thought you might be hungry…”
“Lu! You didn’t.” Sirius sat up faster than Remus had ever seen him just after waking up, sweeping his hair out of his face and reaching for the plate.
“Eh, what can I say, I’m just such a romantic.” Remus quipped.
Sirius took a bite and groaned in pleasure.
“Ugh they’re delicious, thank you.”
Remus smiled and climbed back into bed next to him as Sirius continued eating.
“Sorry, d’you want some?” Sirius asked, mouth half-full.
Remus laughed. “Nah I’m okay, you enjoy.”
“Did you eat already?” Sirius questioned, putting down his cutlery for a moment.
Remus stayed quiet. He still felt sick and nervous; he wasn’t sure he could stomach anything and he didn’t have much of an appetite right now. This was strange for him at this point in the month. Usually in the days before and after the full he’d lose his appetite, but in between moons, it would come back with full force. He didn’t think much of it. He’d eaten last night anyway; he’d just wait until the anxiety faded.
“I’m guessing that’s a no. Do you feel alright?” Sirius continued.
“Yeah, fine, just the nerves or adrenaline from last night making me feel a bit nauseous. It’ll go soon and I’ll make something then.”
This seemed to satisfy Sirius and he continued eating.
Remus flicked on the radio on his bedside, fiddling with the frequency until it connected to a wizarding channel, then he placed his hand on Sirius’ thigh and the two listened to the droning voices of the two radio hosts. It was nothing exciting, just recaps of some quidditch cup match, but then suddenly the tone became more serious.
“In other, more political news. Three people were pronounced dead in Diagon Alley last night around eleven…”
“Sorry, too early for that… I’ll—” Remus reached for the radio to turn it off but Sirius stopped him.
“No, it’s fine. I want to listen.”
“…The MLEP have confirmed these deaths are due to a death eater attack. No attackers have been identified as of yet and no sighting of He Who Must Not Be Named has been reported. Two of the fatalities are, as of now unidentified, witches and the other, a young wizard, Edgar Bones. More inquiries are being made by the Ministry to get to the bottom of this.” The voice switched to the other host. “I have to say Geoff, these attacks seem to be growing increasingly common, not just in London but all over the UK. It’s certainly a worry. We’ve been advised to let everyone listening know that the Ministry are doing everything they can to get to the bottom of this and that everything is under control.”
“Under control my arse.” Sirius tutted.
He put down the nearly empty plate of pancakes and Remus rubbed his thumb in soothing patterns on Sirius’ leg.
“Last night was anything but controlled. It was fucking chaos. I’m surprised more people didn’t die!”
Both boys were silent for a moment.
“Sorry, I’m just angry. Someone, some fucking rat, sent us there knowing it was a straight up ambush.”
“It’s okay. It’s fucking ridiculous, I’m angry too.” Remus agreed.
Sirius nodded and retreated into his mind. Remus wondered what he was thinking about, but his own train of thought was interrupted by Sirius speaking.
“So, should we y’know, talk more about what we discussed last night?”
Remus’ body went rigid. He did not want to have this stupid, pitiful conversation about the fact he couldn’t walk. Mostly, he was worried that admitting it all out loud, telling Sirius just how bad the pain was and how he felt like he was never going to get better, would push him away. He juggled with the strange paradox of fearing losing Sirius and simultaneously feeling like Sirius would be better off without him.
Remus kept his voice soft as he spoke. “You just woke up and it’s been a long day already. Later on, love.”
“I’m fine, really. We can talk.”
Remus bit his tongue, curse his stubborn, well-meaning boyfriend.
“Sirius, please. I don’t want to.” Remus’ eyes implored him to understand and drop it, but Sirius didn’t.
“You don’t want to but we have to, Lu.”
“I can’t Sirius!” Remus moved his hand off of Sirius’ thigh and rubbed his temple.
“Remus, this is exactly what happened yesterday. I know something’s wrong, but I’m not a mind reader. Please, you need to talk to me rather than… push me away or whatever you’re trying to do.”
“I’m not trying to push you away. I’m just—” Remus didn’t even know where to begin.
“Well one minute you’re making me breakfast in bed and the next you won’t talk to me, won’t let me in. It’s confusing, Lu.” Sirius still spoke softly, but there was a sharp edge to his words.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sirius’ face hardened and stormy, grey eyes bored into Remus.
“I don’t want to push you away either. The opposite actually.” Remus’ mind added I’m scared if I tell you I’m broken you’re going to leave, but he pushed the thought away. “I know you want me to talk about it but I just can’t right now. Please, trust me.”
“Okay.” Sirius said, resigned. “I’m not going to force you but— just, if something’s wrong you can tell me.”
Remus smiled softly, trying not to get upset.
“How about we go for a walk? We can go anywhere, seaside, woods, some posh muggle supermarket…” Sirius said, clearly trying to clear the air, and Remus was grateful for the change of topic.
Remus considered. He could probably manage a walk. Sirius always matched his pace anyway and he wasn’t going to expect him to hike up a mountain. The beach might be nice; he could dip his toes in… maybe even swim.
“Yeah, let’s go to the beach. You know that spot we went to in fifth year summer, Cornwall?”
Sirius smiled, this time genuinely.
“I know the one.”
They’d gone there during the summer when they were sixteen years old, the same summer that Sirius had run away from home. There’d been dark moments, of course, and Sirius told Remus everything: every evil thing his mother and father had done, every punishment he’d endured. He cried over Regulus. Remus had never seen him cry before and didn’t really know what to do. So, they bumped a train to Falmouth and camped near the beach for three days, basking in the sun, swimming and eventually running, back when Remus could still run, from the police after they’d been told off for illegally camping. It had been beautiful and remarkably quiet for July, especially in the little cove they’d found nestled between a cave and headland. They hadn’t been back since and Remus suddenly felt excited at the prospect of visiting it four years later.
***
Two hours later, they were there. There was no battling with multiple hours-long trains now that they could both apparate and so they’d packed a bag and set off. The beach was sandy and every step required a little more effort than normal, but it was warmer than London and Remus relished the heat seeping into his joints, loosening them just enough that his legs didn’t feel like lead weights and his shoulder ached less while using his cane.
They made their way down the beach towards the cove, people-watching the few families and groups of friends scattered about with disposable barbeques and buckets and spades.
Moments like this made Remus wonder why he ever agreed to live in London when he’d only really ever felt at home within nature. He’d spent the first eleven years of his life in Wales, surrounded by coasts and woodland, and every summer before his mother died, they’d gone on holidays here in Cornwall. The sea was safe and happy and calm. The city… not so much.
Ten minutes later and they had arrived at the cove, a small patch of sand hidden amongst the rocks at the bottom of a cliff. There wasn’t a soul there and Remus couldn’t wipe the smile from his face if he tried. Sirius took his hand and they moved to a spot against a rock, setting up a blanket and collapsing to the ground. Lying there with his eyes closed, Remus felt like he could fall asleep to the ambient sound of the gulls and the tide, being lulled by the soft breeze that swept over him.
“Oi, wake up lazy.” Sirius teased, ruffling a hand through Remus’ hair. “Let’s go in!”
Remus smiled, sitting up as Sirius pulled off his shirt and held out a hand to help Remus up. He pulled his shirt off too, thankful nobody other than Sirius was here to see the silver scars striped across his chest and shoulders. In just their trunks, the two made the short journey to the edge of the water, Sirius’ hand wrapped around Remus’ waist so he could walk without the cane.
“Merlin! It’s cold!” Sirius exclaimed as the tide washed over his toes.
“The sea’s never warm in England, Pads.” Remus laughed. “Doesn’t matter if it’s forty degrees out, the sea will still be cold as fuck.”
“True… We’re still going in though.” Sirius raised his eyebrows, as if daring Remus and he rolled his eyes playfully in response.
Together they made their way in deeper, wincing slightly at the icy sharpness of the water and the droplets that sprayed over them. Once they were chest deep, Remus let his feet lift up from the bottom, savouring the weightless bliss of the water supporting his body.
“Feels good?” Sirius asked.
“You don’t even know.”
“You should float on your back.”
Sirius paddled round closer to Remus and placed his hands on his lower back and thighs, manoeuvring him so he was floating like a starfish out on the water’s surface. Remus tipped his head back, letting the water muffle his hearing and reduce his sight to just the blue summer sky and the odd cloud. Remus exhaled a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. Why couldn’t he feel this good all the time? His mind felt sharper and clearer without the constant reminders of pain and ache and agony shooting through him. Why couldn’t it always be this easy? Sirius floated in the same way at his side and they interlaced their fingers, bobbing gently together on the water.
After a while, the cold seemed to intensify and floating stopped being so relaxing. It started as little prickles of pain, no worse than pins and needles, but quickly Remus found his body urging him to get out as the prickles morphed into full-on stabs. He let go of Sirius, centred himself and began to paddle back to shore.
“You getting out?” Sirius called from just behind him, still floating on his back but his head out of the water.
Remus just nodded, the pain thwarting his ability to form words properly. He needed out.
By the time he got close enough to the shore that he could no longer swim, he was worried that he might not be able to walk at all. He stayed swimming on his front as long as he could and pulled himself to sit at the edge of the water, not willing to chance getting up and probably falling.
Remus suddenly felt tears prickling at the edges of his eyes, fuck, this was so stupid. Why was he crying? The pain wasn’t anything particularly out of the ordinary, he dealt with this on a daily basis, worse even. He begged himself to calm down but it was like a tap had turned on and he was forced to let the tears roll down his cheeks. His legs were still in the water, being bitten by the cold and the top of his body felt somehow even icier out of the water, being whipped by the breeze.
Sirius frantically waded through the water, wringing out his sopping hair.
“Hey, what’s up?” He sat down next to Remus at the water’s edge, gently moving the wet strands of hair from his forehead and checking him over for obvious signs of what could have happened.
“Too cold.” Remus managed to get out between too-quick breaths. He just about managed to stop the tears leaking down his face and he hoped the evidence would be disguised as sea-spray.
“C’mere, let’s get you up.” Sirius stood up, hooking his arms around Remus and helping him to stand, before wrapping an arm around his waist. Remus leant his weight into him, their cold, wet bodies pressing against each other like rubber.
Back at the blanket, Remus collapsed onto the ground and Sirius dug through their bag, which of course had been subjected to an expansion charm, pulling out two towels and a thick jumper he’d packed. He wrapped his own towel around his shoulders like a cape and knelt down to drape the other around Remus who rubbed violently at his hip like he was trying to ignite a fire through friction. Sirius patted Remus’ shoulders and hair dry as best as he could and told him to put the jumper on. Remus didn’t reply but did put it on, wrapping his arms around himself in a hug.
“What hurts?” Sirius asked softly.
“Everything. All of it.”
Sirius frowned with concern and Remus bit back tears again. He was vulnerable in front of Sirius of course; they bloody lived together! Sirius saw every grimace on Remus’ face and heard every groan that left his lips and yet telling him that he was in pain never got easier and always made him feel somehow guilty and ashamed. It was better to pretend most of the time. But right now, he didn’t have the energy to fake it, he had to concentrate on regulating the ragged breaths that shuddered through his chest and the bone-deep pain in his hip and legs.
“My legs mostly…” Remus mumbled.
“Let’s warm you up.”
Sirius sprang into action, digging through the bag again and pulling out a pair of socks, joggers and a small fleece blanket.
“Do you think you can trousers on?”
Remus shook his head, the thought of moving made him feel sick.
“Okay.” Sirius continued. “Let’s just get you dry and you can use the blanket instead.”
He picked up Remus’ towel again and began patting down his legs. Remus winced ever so slightly, and Sirius lightened his pressure, gently drying the droplets and, once satisfied with the job he’d done, tucked the blanket over Remus’ legs.
“Socks?” Sirius asked, holding up a pair of fuzzy Christmas-patterned socks. “I know they’re not exactly on theme.”
Remus lips twitched up, almost into a smile, and he nodded.
“Please.”
Sirius put the socks on him and began to dry himself off, though he kept his shirt off, clearly less affected by the cold and willing to let the sun warm his body back up. Remus reached his hand out to grab Sirius’ and pulled him closer so they were sat, shoulders touching.
“Thank you Pads.”
Remus was still shivering and there was an all-too-familiar throbbing in his hip. He didn’t think he could move his legs if he tried, but Sirius was with him, helping him, not pissed off or ridiculing him. He cursed himself for even thinking those kinds of reactions would be a possibility.
“Of course, love.”
Sirius brought Remus’ hand up to his lips and kissed it, before leaning in to kiss his lips. Remus tasted the salt on both of their mouths and savoured the warmth of the kiss. Sirius kissed each cheek before leaning back and letting Remus rest his head on his shoulder.
“Do you wanna go home? I think we still have some of Pomfrey’s pain potions if you need.”
“No, no. I’m okay I just need to sit for a while. I’ll warm up.” Remus pulled the blanket around him tighter. “I was having such a nice time, and so were you. Sorry, Sirius—”
Sirius cut him off. “Shush, don’t apologise, you’ve not done anything wrong Moony.”
“I ruined it. It’s special, our first time back here in years, and I’ve fucking ruined it and cried and made you get out of the water to look after me.” He felt his voice growing quieter as he spoke.
Sirius turned to look at him.
“You haven’t ruined a single thing, Remus. I’m having a good time still, nothing’s spoilt. Obviously I wish you didn’t have to be in pain… But you are, and if I can be here to look after you, then I want to be.”
This time Remus was the one who pulled him in for a kiss, before leaning back into Sirius chest and staring out at the tide.
“I’m ready to talk. If you want.”
“Sure, love.”
Sirius slipped his hand under Remus’ jumper and began to stroke shapes up his back in soothing motions. Remus tried to block out the pain and focus on Sirius’ touch and formulating his words instead.
“I’m not getting better.” Remus said, bluntly.
“Well—” Sirius went to speak but Remus stopped him.
“Pads, please. I’m not. And I think I’m starting to accept it, maybe. Not fully but I’m getting there at least. Werewolves who are changed in childhood might live to fifty if they’re lucky, most to forty, and basically all of them stop being able to… walk, at least without some sort of assistance. I’m halfway there, Sirius. I’m twenty and maybe already halfway through my life and its shit, but it’s just a fact and it’s not going away.”
Remus took a breath and Sirius stayed quiet.
“I’m okay now, I can walk with the cane and get by. But in another year, or five, or ten, I’m not going to be able to anymore. And you’re probably gonna live to be like one hundred and twenty or something crazy!”
He paused again, still staring at the water rather than at Sirius.
“I love you. I love you more than I even know how to describe, but— if you don’t wanna waste your time with me ‘til I kick the bucket… Well, I’d understand.”
He stopped speaking. It was out. He’d said it. He felt like he might throw up, but he still hadn’t eaten anything so he supposed he wouldn’t. Sirius stayed quiet and Remus wondered if he thought he was going to carry on speaking or if Sirius was just figuring out the right way to agree and break up with him.
“That’s all…” Remus confirmed.
“Remus…” Sirius began.
The tears were pricking at his eyes again and he felt his chin tremble. This was it. Fuck, he was going to lose Sirius.
“I love you.” Sirius continued, and Remus waited for a but. It never came.
“I love you, no matter what your body does or doesn’t do. I love you regardless of your body and because of it. You’re fucking beautiful Remus, inside and outside. No time with you would be a waste.”
An ugly sound wracked through Remus’ throat and he let the tears fall. Tears of pain, of hurt, of relief, of love… All of them. Sirius pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him and kneeling up so he could rest his chin atop Remus’ head as he held him.
“I’ve read the studies, Lu. I know the effects of lycanthropy and I know the risks. Whatever happens and whenever it happens, I’m going to be here and I’m going to love you.”
Remus shoulders were trembling now as he cried and he leant himself into Sirius as much as he could without jolting his legs.
“Shh, its fine, it’s fine. I’ve got you.” Sirius whispered into his wet hair.
“Thank you.” Remus just about got the words out in between rapid breaths; he felt his heart slow and the tears began to dissipate.
“You never need to say thank you for this. Loving you is the greatest pleasure I’ve ever had. I mean that.”
Sirius loosened his hug and sat back down so they were looking at each other.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Sirius whispered as he used his thumbs to wipe the tears on Remus’ cheeks, brushing the thin white scars across his nose and through his cheek and eyebrow. Remus smiled.
“There’s no getting rid of me.” Sirius laughed and placed another kiss on Remus forehead.
“Good. I never want to get rid of you. Ever.” Remus kept a firm grip on Sirius hands.
They sat there for a while and Remus felt his mind clear. He supposed he hadn’t realised how much this had been weighing on him, making his head jumbled and stressed. The persistent nausea of the last day and a half finally seemed to die down and he realised how hungry he was. Remus broke their comfortable silence.
“I could really go for some chips. Feels right seeing as we’re at the sea.”
“Ugh yes! It’s like you read my mind Moons. Think you can walk, or I can go and bring some back? I saw a food truck back up the beach.”
Remus shuffled around, getting a feel for how much he hurt. His legs felt heavy and his hip still throbbed, but it would be manageable if he took it slowly.
“I can walk, just… slow.”
“Of course.”
Sirius began packing up the bag, stuffing their wet towels the blanket inside as Remus eased himself up, letting the pins and needles in his legs settle and resting his weight on the cane. Their trunks were practically dry and though Remus felt a bit silly in the combination of swim shorts and a knit jumper, he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to change.
Sirius, though… Remus thought Sirius could pull off just about anything, but there was something about his current look… Long damp hair curling at the ends, slicked back out of his face. Remus felt himself blushing as he stared. Sirius’ shirt was completely unbuttoned and fluttered about in the breeze, and it took Remus so much effort to drag his gaze away from his exposed chest.
“Fuck you’re hot.” Remus blurted out, and Sirius laughed at his bluntness, sidling up next to him to place his hands on Remus’ lower back, hooking his pinkie finger into the waistband of his trunks.
“Right back at you.”
Sirius winked and Remus felt his cheeks grow even hotter. Before Sirius could turn away and pick up the bag, Remus pulled him in close, pressing his cane-free palm against Sirius’ chest and kissing him deeply. Sirius held him even tighter.
They were interrupted by a growl from Remus’ stomach and they both laughed.
“Okayyy, yes, food!” Sirius grabbed the bag with one hand, and Remus’ free hand with his other.
They began a slow meander away from the cove, working their way back past the other beachgoers. They stayed holding hands and Remus didn’t even bother wondering if anyone noticed. After a few minutes, Remus motioned to a picnic table just ahead. He could see the food truck further up but he’d need a break before walking the other few minutes to it.
“I need to sit for a sec.”
“Sure.”
They moved up to it and Remus sat with a sigh of relief.
“How ‘bout I go get the chips and I’ll come back and we can eat them here?”
Normally, Remus would have insisted he was fine to come with and there was no need for Sirus to go alone, but something seemed to have changed since their conversation. Maybe he didn’t need to pretend so much, plus there was nothing wrong with Sirius doing this one thing without him, he didn’t seem to be annoyed about it…
“Yeah okay, thanks. Do you have muggle money?”
“Oh! Shit I forgot about that…”
Remus laughed. “I thought you might. My wallets in the bag, there should be a couple quid in there.”
“Quid...? I will never understand muggle money. I thought it was bloody pends!”
Remus laughed even harder.
“Pends?! Its pounds and pence, Sirius. And quid is slang for a pound. Did you ever pay attention in Muggle Studies at school?”
Sirius smiled and rolled his eyes as he dug through the bag, retrieving the wallet. “Of course I didn’t. Ah! Got it, okay I’ll be back in a minute.”
Remus made himself comfortable on the bench and closed his eyes.
A few minutes later, his eyes flickered open to the sound of someone shouting behind him and he turned around to see Sirius running across the beach, holding a newspaper-wrapped parcel and trying to deter three seagulls that were hovering by him.
“Oi! Piss off! They’re not for you guys!”
Remus couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips. Such a silly image of Sirius, so strikingly beautiful and talking to birds. They eventually flew away and Sirius reached the table, revealing the feast he’d bought. A huge pile of chips laden with salt and vinegar and two cans of R. White’s Lemonade, Remus’ favourite.
“You’re the best.”
Remus felt his stomach rumble again at the sight of the food, and the two of them quickly dug in. Sirius opened both their cans and they cheers-ed.
“I’ve had such a good day Moons.” Sirius spoke, wiping salt from the corner of his mouth.
“Me too.” Remus agreed, and it was true. Yes, he hurt, but he also felt a sense of peace and relief that he hadn’t felt for… too long. He was glad they’d spoken. Everything was okay.
They whiled the rest of the day away, soaking up the sun, eating their chips and drawing the Sirius and Lupus constellations in the sand.