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I was sitting on the floor of the lab with a blanket wrapped around myself and draped over Rocky. I was working on beating my Tetris high score. I was comfortable. It was nice.
"Grace be Rocky’s mate, question?”
I practically choked on my own spit. "I— Im sorry?" I had started to ween myself off of the translation program so I could learn the language, and I figured I was getting pretty alright at it, but maybe not if I was getting that from my friends clearly not that question.
Rocky leaned against me from inside his ball and let out a chord for a few seconds, before asking, "Grace be Rocky's mate, question?"
Okay, so, maybe I hadn't misheard that.
"Dude, I— what?? Not only is that physically impossible, but I— I don't… do that." I could feel Rocky staring at me and I franticly continued. "Not that I don't like you! I like you plenty, its just not like that— I just— Huh? Why???
“…Rocky think Grace misunderstand”
I let out a sigh and leaned against the bulkhead, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "I sure hope I did, buddy.”
“What Grace think ‘be Rocky’s mate’ mean question?”
“For me to be your mate?” I answer dumbly.
Rocky's nonexistent gaze felt incredulous. “What Grace think mate mean, question.”
“Uh. Well…" Hm. How does one explain alien romance to an alien? Especially when human romance felt just as alien too? "A mate is someone that you love. You spend your life with? Live together sometimes.” Rocky made an incredulous grinding noise. “Um. Reproduce with? Like. Sexual intercourse?”
Rocky recoils and stands high on his legs, swaying back and forth sharply. “EW, DISGUST. Grace think Rocky ask Grace do intercourse??? Disgust disgust disgust!” Yeah, me too, Rocky. Why do you think I reacted like that? “Mate not mean mate! Mate mean mate!” he stamps his leg sharply against the hull to extenuate his point.
“Buddy, you’re not making sense,” I try to sooth.
It very clearly doesn't help. “Mate mean mate!!!!”
I sigh, “And… what does mate mean, exactly?”
“Mate is Eridian you spend life with, live together. Raise pebbles, love love love.”
“Yeah, I’m not seeing the difference here, bud. Humans do that too. And—no offense— it’s really weird for you to ask me that. Wouldn't you be betraying Adrian?”
“What?" Rocky genuinely seemed so confused. "Adrian no mind. At least will not when meet you. Grace cool cool, fascinate. Live on Erid with Rocky and Adrian make happy happy happy. Mate mean mate. No make pebbles. No, disgust, intercourse. Grace stupid, statement.”
“…I think I’m starting to see the issue.”
So, it turns out I had been translating “mate” wrong this entire time. When Rocky first was talking about Adrian, I had just assumed that Eridian social norms had followed ours, which, completely stupid mistake. How the heck had I done that? Assuming an alien follows earth relationship customs? Insane.
Well, I suppose I tried to be cool and scientific when Rocky was talking about Adrian. It was clear there was some deep emotions going on, and what with the whole having part of each others carapace in their arms, and wanting to get back to them, and clearly having a life together back on Erid, and discussing having-picked-someone-else-while-they-were-gone kind-of jealousy, I assumed they were married. Or, the Eridian equivalent of marriage. But maybe they didn’t have the ceremony, or the legal status, or heck, it really could have been anything. I didn’t want to push that human social category on them, so I settled for “mate”. Clinical, scientific; it’s what any good biologist studying a species would do. I failed to realize “mate” also had connotations to it.
After Rocky explained some more, I figured out that the word I translated as mate ment more… “Partner.” There was no exact translation to English that I knew, (and I didn’t think any other earth cultures, but I’d have to do a Wikipedia deep dive on that later to make sure) but it was someone they picked to… live their lives together; As besties+, basically. Or romance minus? It’s very possible their romance just had different ways of expressing itself and besties+ IS their romance, but… whatever, this is complicated okay? it also could be as many as they wanted, but usually was from 3-8. Apparently Rocky and Adrian were slightly odd for not having a third. …if that term even applied here.
Oh, did I forget to mention they don’t even necessarily mate with them? Completely baffling, especially when that was the word I picked to begin this whole mess. And they didn’t mate like humans at all; apparently even the thought was extremely gross. Although Rocky had implied some Eridians still did something similar; some kind of sexual deviancy that there was a derogatory word for that Rocky refused to define no matter how much I begged.
Their romance was different than humans, it seamed. Very different. Maybe I should just think of it as partner, until I got that Wikipedia time.
“Grace understand now? Rocky want Grace be mate.” He looked so hopeful.
Something twisted in my stomach. “That’s uh, flattering, Rock, but I don’t… I don’t do that.”
Rocky starred at me for a second before sounding almost indignant. “Is this intercourse thing agai—“
“No!” I cut in. “No. Well, kind of? I— No. It’s not. Not really.”
Rocky sat there, patiently waiting for me to fix my dumb human brain and gather my words. It was kind. It ticked me off. But mostly I just felt guilty.
Clearly this was something Rocky felt very strongly about. I didn’t know much about Eridian relationships yet, but it sealed like a rather permanent affair. Rocky was basically proposing to me and here I was panicking about the same relationship junk I have since I was on the elementary school playground and asked who i had a crush on. You’re loosing it, Ryland!
“I… I don’t…” I swallowed, trying to convince my brain to pull itself together via the strat of giving it a time crunch.
It didn’t help.
Rocky continued to stare at me. Or, well, the equivalent. His attention felt pretty pointed.
The feelings Rocky clearly felt about Adrian was what convinced me in the first place it was romantic before my scientist brain could kick in to un-label it to a different, more incorrect word. If Rocky was asking me to join his… relationship? He clearly felt the same way about me. Or at least something adjacent. Rocky loved me. Or found me hot, or something. Look, I don’t know what makes an Eridian a good contender for a group marriage thing, let alone a weird alien! This was not how I was expecting my morning to go!
The point was, Rocky found me… attractive, in some way; enough to ask me.
I spared a glance at Rocky, and my insides gave the equivalent of the sound of nails on a chalkboard, a school fire alarm, and the mix of feelings of oncoming doom and terror that can only be brought on when running for your life from friends who betrayed you and decided to send you to die all alone in space, or being asked about relationships on a slightly saggy couch.
I wanted to run to the bathroom and collapse onto the ground, pretending for a blissful moment that Rocky couldn’t see me.
“I…” I gave a shaky breath. He deserved to know. I didn’t want to lead someone else on; Linda informed me enough of that. “I don’t… I don’t really see you, that way.”
Rocky drooped, but perked back up at the hunt for knowledge. “Don’t see Rocky in what way, question?”
“I… I’ve never been good at this, Rock. It ended terribly with the last person I tried to make it work with, and honestly? I think I’m just broken. I’m never going to see you like that. I don’t think I’m capable of it.”
“Grace dodge question.”
“Wha— I’m not dodging the question!”
“Then don’t dodge question, statement.” Rocky stamped his claw and shook for a second before tilting and continuing. “What Grace mean when say see Rocky like that, question? What is like that, question?”
“Like… romantically. Or sexually, but I don’t think that’s exactly a problem for you, which is… it’s good, great, even. Would be awesome if I didn’t have the other issue.”
“Romance like earth mate?” Rocky seamed to pick up on the fact our definitions of mate ment different things, which was… good. He was always so smart. He was a good friend; my best friend, maybe ever. Actually scratch that maybe, he was definitely by best friend ever. I absolutely didn’t want to lose him. I couldn’t. I don’t know what I would do.
“Yeah,” I answered. “Like earth mate. I don’t… I don’t feel it, I guess. I never really have. I think It’s not something I can. I’ve tried.” and Rocky was definitely feeling something, if how he saw Adrian was how he saw me. There was some deep emotions there, and i wouldn't be able to reciprocate. I can't lie to him.
“Rocky see." There was the low drawn out notes of disappointment in his tone, legs shuffling closer to his body. "Then… how Grace see Rocky, question?”
“We’re friends; coworkers, I guess, but we’re good friends. Best friends, even. I guess we’re besties.” It felt childish to say besties, like I was Samantha from my class back home, but there really wasn't a better way to put it. We were besties. Best friends forever, although I don't think I mean it in the way that pre-teen girls do. Samantha had declared the entire class (except for Brandon) to be her BFFF's. I think I might be a tad more selective than that in my declarations, but still. I wonder how she's doing.
“What new word mean, question.”
“What, besties? Well, It’s a slang version of 'best friends'. And that… well, it’s a bit different for everyone, I think, but…" I trailed off for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to explain not just the base meaning but the one behind it; The feelings he was after. "They’re the people you like the most. You want to hang out with them all the time, share everything with them. Even when they annoy you, you still care about them. You tell each other everything, and try to stick by each other for the rest of your lives. You love them." Rocky is leaning forward in his ball at me almost as far as he can go and I realize with a shoot of panic how this is starting to sound. "Just….” I trailed off, tacking on a rather pathetic, “In a friend way.”
I was expecting Rocky to be disappointed, or call humans dumb, or ask 10 billion follow up deeply personal and prying questions about my personal life. I was absolutely not expecting him to practically start vibrating ecstatically as he rolled around me in his ball.
“That what mate mean! That what mate mean!” He cries. “Grace understand! Bestie is mate, Grace feelings not problem!”
“What?” I asked, completely caught off guard.
“Grace said think of Rocky as earth bestie— earth bestie and Erid mate same thing! Not problem!”
I stare at him in bafflement. “That… can’t be right.”
“Rocky explain how feel, since feeling important for Human Grace. Mate is what Grace said, plus live together and raise pebble together and give gem when fully formed and many other thing. No need human mate feelings, love love love enough.”
“But… it’s not the right way”
“Rocky no care. Grace dumb.”
“Rude," I huff.
He tilts at me slightly. “Grace hate Rocky, question?”
“Wha— No! Absolutely not!” What the heck, Rock? Where did you get that idea from?
“Then Grace love Rocky question?”
“Of course I love you. I love love love you, alright? No hate here.”
“Rocky love love love Grace too! And Adrian love love love Grace when get to Erid!” Rocky stepped closer to me, almost as close as the ball allowed. He dropped his excited yelling for a softer tone. He explained gently, like I would to an overwhelmed student. “Grace love love love, Rocky love love love. No wrong way love.” Rocky put his claw against the clear wall, like I did when we first met. “Not broken.”
Well dang it, I was not expecting my day to end with sobbing over lifelong insecurities being fixed in 5 minutes by a giant space spider trying to indoctrinate me into his polycule, but here I was. Doing exactly that.
"Not broken," I repeat quietly.
"Love love love," Rocky trills, pressing his ball against me. I latch on and cling like my life depends on it.
"Love love love."