Work Text:
Sitting at the bar of the officer’s club doing paperwork while everyone around him got increasingly louder and more intoxicated wasn’t Grace’s ideal night out. In fact, Grace didn’t have an ideal night out. He was very much a night in type of guy. But when literally the entire crew kept bugging him about coming, he finally gave in. It was exactly what he thought it would be. Crowded, uncomfortable, and almost.. Morbid? Knowing that everyone’s having the time of their lives when so many of their lives were beginning to run short made him uneasy, but it didn’t seem to affect any of the ones who would actually be dying for this mission. He didn’t get it, how could Yao and Ilyukhina be singing karaoke? How were Shapiro and Dubois in their own world and undressing each other with their eyes? How was all of this happening, and he was still alone?
His gaze swept across the room for the twentieth time in as many minutes, and he couldn’t keep pretending he wasn’t looking for something specific. Someone specific. He searched for that shiny copper hair, those blue eyes that he always feels like he’s drowning in. But even though this party started over an hour ago, Eva was nowhere to be found. She said she was going to come, he had overheard her finally relent to Ilyukhina’s incessant begging. Knowing that she said she’d be here was probably a larger part of the reason he’d decided to show up than he would ever admit to anyone. Not that everyone didn’t whisper amongst themselves about what might be going on between him and Eva, everyone seemed to have their own take on what might be going on behind closed doors.
The sad truth was that not much was going on behind closed doors, at least not these days. It always seemed to come and go in phases with Grace and Eva, falling into bed together and sneaking off for a few stolen moments alone in her office when things were going well with the mission. But things didn’t tend to stay easy for very long, there was always some new obstacle to maneuver or meetings for her to go to in different countries for days at a time that he wasn’t always able to join her for. It always made things too complicated to put a label on it, easier to just be together when they could and not be together when they couldn’t. If they didn’t call it anything, it was easier to go with the flow of whatever the mission threw at them. At least that’s what they told themselves.
He was disappointed that she wasn’t around. He yearned for the company of the only person on the ship that he didn’t feel like an outsider with. He looked over at the guy on the barstool next to him who was typing emails on his laptop. It made Grace feel slightly better that he wasn’t the only one here avoiding socialising, but only slightly. He knew that they’d spoken before, and he was pretty sure they’d even sat in on many of the same meetings several times, but he couldn’t remember his name. He racked his brain, but nothing came. His mind was at max capacity these days, so overloaded with years of experiments and new ideas that it left almost no room for pesky little things like names. Heck, sometimes it felt like he might even need to forget his own just to make room for more information.
Grace decided to speak to the man anyway, but instead of making an attempt at friendly small talk, he just tapped him on the shoulder. The man looked up from his computer with a smile, “Oh, hey, Grace. I didn’t see you there, I was just in my own head over here. Work doesn’t stop when the day’s over, you know how it is.”
Grace huffed out an awkward laugh, only feeling worse that the man remembered his name immediately. “Oh, yeah, I know all about that.” He tried really hard to make conversation as easily as everyone else did, but it always felt a bit stilted, like he was missing some important trick to making it seem natural that everyone else had been taught but he hadn’t been. “I was just, uh, wondering if you’d seen Stratt around? She said she was going to be here but I haven’t seen her.”
“I haven’t, actually. I can’t believe she actually said she’d come, she always turns down invitations to stuff like this. You know how she is. But is there something I could help with? Work stuff or something?”
The kind of thing Grace wanted help with was not something that this man was going to be able to offer. Not unless the man was trying to rendezvous after the party tonight, which he probably wasn’t. “Oh, no, it’s okay. I was just curious. Thanks anyway though.”
The man gave him a polite smile, nodded, and went back to his emails. Grace tried to do the same, he really did, but that attempt at working only lasted about two full minutes before he grabbed his sweater off the back of his seat and headed outside for some fresh air. And what were the odds that the woman he’d just decided to come out here to clear his mind of for the night was standing there looking out at the ocean. The way that the light was shining on her hair had his gaze lingering for what would’ve probably been a second too long, but luckily she wasn’t aware of his presence yet, so she didn’t notice. He loved moments like these, moments where he could just look at her and really take her all in while she was focused on something else entirely.
“Permission to come aboard, captain?” He finally broke the silence, letting his presence be known and making his way over to the railing to stand next to her.
“You are already aboard.”
Alright, no jokes tonight then.
“What are you doing out here? Everyone inside is waiting on you, Director.”
“That isn’t true, and we both know it, Grace. None of them actually expected me to show up. And anyway, I’m just.. Thinking.”
Maybe everyone hadn’t been waiting on her, but he had been. He wanted that to be enough.
“Thinking, huh? You’re very mysterious.”
She looked at him like it was the last thing she’d expect to be described as, as if she didn’t keep everyone at arm’s length. But Eva wanted to be known, she’d told him so one night, many months ago now. But she didn’t know how, and now, with everything going on, the world seemingly ending, it never seemed like the smartest time to begin letting herself be close to people.
“No I’m not.” was all she had to say in return.
“You know, I always wanted to be mysterious. I talk too much though, that’s my problem.”
She tried to hide her smile, turning her head away from him, because this was information she knew all too well. He was a talker, usually to a fault. She’d only heard of him at all after he’d made a fool of himself by running his mouth at that UNESCO conference all those years ago. She guessed that maybe if he knew how to keep his mouth shut that they may not be standing here now, so maybe she was glad that he’d never been mysterious.
She had lost herself in thought for a moment, staring off into space, but her head turned back to him quickly when he spoke again. “Like right now,” he said, “I didn’t mean to bother you, it’s just, uh–”
“You don’t bother me.”
She didn’t mean to interrupt him, but for some reason she couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking he was a nuisance to her for even a moment. She’d probably let it happen more times than she even realized, but it was never intentional. She didn’t want him to feel as though she didn’t care for him, but she knew that sometimes she came off that way, usually when she hadn’t slept in days, was running on her tenth cup of coffee, and was drowning in decisions that needed to be made right away.
“I don’t?” he couldn’t hide the way her words affected him even if he tried. It wasn’t exactly a compliment, in fact, it was hardly anything. Just a statement, but he had spent the last couple of years learning to read the words that Eva didn’t say instead of the ones that she did when it came to the two of them. “Or, uh, I mean.. Thanks. Thank you.”
He was stumbling over his words now in an attempt to not sound so desperate for reassurance, but of course it wasn’t as smooth of a recovery as he’d hoped. She furrowed her brows, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth, and just waited for him to stop being so flustered.
“Uh, anyway,” he said, looking down at his shoes and tapping his foot, unsure of what he should say. He knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn’t sure he was ready yet. So, he improvised.
“It is such a weird party.”
“Is it?” she asked, as though she had also expected this conversation to go somewhere else. Maybe she’d even hoped that it would.
“Everyone’s singing, dancing, having a good time. People are hooking up, and they all know they’re gonna die.”
“Yeah, well, camaraderie helps them. Not so much me.”
He hated that she thought that, or that she tried to pretend it was true. He knew that she always felt better on the rare occasion she let herself connect with the people around her. When she let herself connect with him. It made him braver for some reason, her trying to hide herself away. It made him want to pull her out of her own head.
“Sure, but it couldn’t hurt right?”
She was caught off guard, expecting him to leave her alone, expecting him to accept being pushed away. He so rarely challenged her, but she was always secretly happy when he did. Maybe she’d long outgrown the age of playing hard-to-get, but she couldn’t resist the thrill of him chasing after her. “What are you asking, Grace?”
“I guess I’m asking if we should join them. Together.”
Together was a strange word for them. On one hand, they did almost everything together. He was her go-to person for everything pertaining to this mission. He was there in the seat next to hers at countless meetings and reaching for her hand when he could tell she was nervous on flights they took alone, so much so that she physically felt his absence when he wasn’t there with her. She knew what other people called him, her little science lapdog. She resented it in a way, that it made him seem so much less important than he really was. To her, he was just as essential to the mission as she was.
But together was something they’d never been. Not officially.
In reality, they’d fallen into it hard and fast in the early days of him joining the task force, but they’d never really called it anything. It was what it was, and it wasn’t what it wasn’t. But sometimes those things felt blurry, like right now. Because people would talk anyway, whether they walked into that room together or not. They’d talk about how she and Grace were out here together, and what they suspected they were talking about. Or maybe they’d make something else up all together, rumors turning into what would be assumed to be fact by the end of the party.
He held out his hand, looking into her eyes, a silent plea for her to say yes. For her to just give him this, just this once. To be seen together.
Would there be any going back after this? Would they ever stop hearing the whisperings of ‘I told you so’ and ‘I always knew it’? Did it really matter? She had to admit that she was tired of pretending that Grace was just Grace, that he wasn’t much, much more to her than that. She wanted to be able to reach for him when she needed to be grounded even if there was a possibility that someone might see it. She didn’t want to wait until they were sure no one would see them sneaking into each other’s rooms at night to be able to be together. She wanted to take his hand and walk into that room full of people together and not care what everyone thought about it.
His entire face lit up when she placed her hand in his, his smile so wide she was sure it must make his cheeks ache. She admired how easily that smile came to him. She was glad that the weight of everything around him hadn’t dimmed the light in him. The world needed more people like him, she thought, more people who wouldn’t let themselves be broken just because the world was.
“Lead the way, Dr. Grace.”
Heads turned when they walked in together, hand in hand and smiling as they talked. Not like how you see in the movies, a hush doesn’t fall over the room while every person stops to stare. It’s more like one person noticing, whispering to the person next to them, that person looking, and so on until half the room is smiling at the two of them with poorly feigned nonchalance. It’s funny just how obvious people are when they’re specifically trying not to be obvious.
The music has gotten louder since Grace stepped outside. People have made room to have a make-shift dance floor in lieu of karaoke now, and Eva can’t help but smile as she watches all of the people around her make fools of themselves to every song that plays over the speakers like kids at a college party.
“So, do you want a drink or anything?’ Grace asks.
“Oh, uh, yeah,” she says, “I’ll just take some water for now though. I think everyone here has had more than enough to drink for the both of us.”
He asked if she was sure, telling her that he really didn’t mind buying her one. He knew she was more than capable of getting one for herself, obviously, but he just wanted to do something nice for her and maybe calm any nerves she might be having about being seen together like this. But she promised him that she was sure, and that she’d let him know if she changed her mind after him insisting on it.
The upbeat pop song that had been playing comes to an end, and instead of being replaced again by another one just like it, something much slower and more mellow starts playing. A slow song at a vat party was nearly unheard of, usually only happening if someone added the wrong song to the playlist, or if someone was trying to get on the dance floor with the person they hoped to take back to their room that night. But when Eva looked over to the corner, she saw Ilyukhina messing with the phone that was plugged into the speakers and being used to play the music from. Ilyukhina was the last person she’d expected to change to vibe from mid-2000’s house party to… whatever this was. She saw her sit the phone back down and look around like she was checking to see if anyone had seen her doing it. She froze when her and Eva made eye contact from across the room, Eva giving her a skeptical look. She quickly gave in to being caught in the act, a mischievous smile spreading across her face while she looked back and forth between Grace and Eva before giving her a quick wink and scampering over to stand next to them at the bar. She orders a beer and does a very bad job at trying to be casual when she looks over at the two of them and asks, “Aren’t you guys going to dance? Stratt, you love this song. Get out there!”
“What? No, no, I’m just enjoying the party, we’re not–”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Grace interjects.
Eva turns to look at him, shocked that he would ever be one to suggest dancing in a crowded room. Not that it was really her thing either, but Grace was perpetually anxious, almost never one to make himself the center of attention.
“You do?”
“Yeah, why not, right?” He offers her his hand again, and for the second time tonight, she lets go of the worry of what everyone else might think and lets him take her hand in his.
Eva recognized the song that was playing, and Ilyukhina was right, she did love this song, but she had no idea how she could’ve possibly known that. The Only Exception by Paramore poured from the speakers, and even though her heart was racing, she suddenly felt at peace when the chorus hit right as they got to the middle of the dance floor. There weren’t many other people dancing anymore, most of them taking the slow song as their opportunity to go grab a drink, so now they were even more of a spectacle than they were before. Grace didn’t give her much time to worry about it though, resting his hands on her waist as they swayed to the music. It surprised her that he was able to touch her so casually with everyone’s eyes on them, this wasn’t something they’d had any practice with before.
In reality, he had just decided on a ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ attitude, hoping that him pushing down his nervousness would help her do the same. Luckily, it worked. She rested her arms on his shoulders, crossing her wrists together behind his head. Somehow, it just felt natural to be like this with him.
“And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now, I had sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
Well, you are the only exception.”
It felt unreal, too good to be true, but it was like everything around them disappeared until it was just the two of them alone in this room, moving together and forgetting about all of the things that had kept them from this for so long. Her fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck, a mindless movement that he melted into.
He had spent so much time wishing for this, just small touches without worrying. He knew that it might be moving quickly, she’d only just agreed to show up somewhere together outside of a professional setting for the very first time twenty minutes ago, but he feels brave with her. And it wasn’t really moving fast, was it? It was years in the making, years of sneaking around and keeping secrets that all led to this.
She’s looking up into his eyes, and he feels her move her body even closer to his until they’re fully pressed against each other. His eyes flit down to her lips, and he hears her breath catch in her throat, even over the music, when she realizes exactly what he’s thinking. He’s afraid she might step away, that she might leave the party all together thinking it was a mistake to try this in the first place.
But she doesn’t.
And she still doesn’t when he leans in closer. Her eyes flutter closed, and he takes the half-second before their lips meet to admire her like this, just letting herself be in the moment. He can’t believe they’re here, in the middle of this room full of everyone they know, giving in to everything they’ve been too afraid to admit for so long.
It almost feels scandalous, his lips pressed to hers here in front of everyone. This is something they’d only shared in private, and it’s been far too long since they’ve even done that. But they knew what they felt for each other, and they’d spent far too long trying to pretend it could just go away if they didn’t let it show.
So it wasn’t scandalous at all, really. The scandalous act is just them loving each other in front of everyone, letting themselves feel happy in a moment together no matter who might be watching.
They only pull away from each other when the song fades, and maybe everyone is looking, or maybe they’re not. They can’t be sure, because they’re only looking at each other, their lips swollen and parted, and their cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink.
Grace hadn’t seen Eva smile the way she is right now in a very long time, and it’s so beautiful that it makes his chest ache. To see her like this makes everything, the day-to-day, the long nights, all feel worth it. He can’t stop staring at her, hoping things can always stay as good as they are right now.
“Hey, this has been a lot of fun,” Grace says, “but, uh, how about we get out of here?”
“I think that’s a great idea.”