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Kris has a girlfriend.
Susie figured it would happen eventually. They’re, like, super good at flirting and she’s pretty sure they’d probably made out with like half the school by the time she met them. And Susie has Noelle, her own girlfriend, so it’s not like she’s jealous or anything.
But, it’s just, here’s the thing.
Catti’s not cool. She’s into all that weird occult stuff, and not in an awesome edgy way. In like, a weird, obnoxious, dorky one. And like, Kris was too when they were kids, and apparently the two of them used to be like best friends. But Susie figures if they were going to date shouldn’t they have done it already?
Catti asked Kris to the dance. That’s how it started.
Susie did a whole big thing to ask Noelle, like a poster and decorations in the hallway and stuff. And Noelle giggled and said “Of course!” in her bright girly voice and fell into Susie’s arms. But for some reason Susie couldn’t focus because over Noelle’s shoulder Kris and Catti were looking at each other. Not normal looking, but eyes locked, searching. And then Catti said,
“The dark forces are telling me we should go to the dance together.”
And Kris glanced over at Susie and Noelle, caught Susie’s eye, looked away, and said,
“Can’t say no to the dark forces.”
So now when Susie and Kris are dragged by Miss Toriel to go shopping for the dance, Kris is sending Catti pictures so they can make sure their dresses are matching.
“Since when did you care about dumb shit like that,” Susie says irritably in the changing room they both crammed into, as she watches them smooth the dress over their chest. It’s a little tight for a school dance, especially for Kris’ standards. Everyone’ll be staring creepy at them. Susie’s face goes angryhot just thinking about it.
Kris looks away from their reflection and impassively at Susie. “Your suit matches Noelle’s dress. It’s just how dances go.”
“Well, me and Noelle are different,” Susie says, feeling even more irritated. “It’s not like Catti actually likes you.”
Kris stiffens, their mouth falling open. For a long moment they just look at her, fists balled in their skirt.
“Right,” they say finally, quietly. “Cause why would anybody ever like me.”
Susie can sense she’s done something wrong but can’t tell what. Kris doesn’t actually like Catti. They would’ve told her. Right? Yeah. Right. They probably just want someone to make out with. But Catti is like the worst option they could’ve picked. There’s plenty of other people who are willing. Plenty.
“I mean, like, she would’ve asked you out when you were middle schoolers, right? Like, what would take her so long if she actually liked you? Noelle says she’s kind of a creep. She was probably just desperate. No one else was exactly lining up to go with her.”
Kris doesn’t respond, spends a long time pulling the dress back over their shoulders, then clenches it in their arms, turned away from her. But in the mirror she can see the side of their face. It’s wet.
“Desperate. Right.”
Susie swallows awkwardly, stands, comes up behind them, puts a hand on their arm. “Hey–”
“Don’t touch me,” they snap, and back against the changing room door, shoulders tight. “Seriously.”
Their dress is balled over their chest but they can’t exactly leave. All they have on is a bra and underwear. Both new, Susie notices, wondering when they bought them, and is irrationally irritated by that too.
“Fine,” she says, and puts her hands up, slumps back against the seat. “You done?”
They don’t respond, just pull back on their corduroys, their sweater. They do get the dress. Text Catti a picture and shut their phone before Susie can see her response. On the walk back home Kris is quiet, so Susie clears her throat and breaks the awkward silence by mumbling,
“Uhm, it looks nice. The dress.”
Kris takes a long breath, hugs themself. “Thanks.”
Noelle is the only one with her own car, so the night of the dance she pulls up with Catti in the backseat. Catti who’s wearing a stupid looking suit-dress thing the same color as Kris’ dress. Black eyeliner and black lipstick. At least that means Susie’ll know if they kiss. She imagines Kris’ mouth smudged charcoal and her chest simmers. It’d look stupid. They should know better.
Noelle looks pretty, of course, she always looks pretty, and Susie almost makes her wreck the car when she leans across to kiss her.
Then she glances in the back seat and sees Kris’ legs thrown over Catti’s lap, them leaning in to whisper something in her ear. Catti nods, looking depressed, and Susie almost growls at her. Kris is your date, you idiot. You should be the happiest fucking person in town.
The dance is whatever. Someone has a water bottle full of vodka and Noelle crosses her arms and tries to reprimand them about it, but before she can get a hold of it and throw it away Catti and Kris have downed the whole thing. And after that they spend the rest of the night stumbling laughing around the dance floor and spinning each other to the awful decades-old pop music the highschool dropout DJ has decided to inflict upon their class. Kris barely even looks at Susie the whole time, even when she stands by the door to the bathroom for thirty minutes waiting for them. Noelle pulls her over to dance eventually, and Susie buries her face in the sweet perfume on her girlfriend’s neck and tries to forget about the smell of cinnamon apple that spun at her when Catti dipped Kris and they threw their hair back, laughing.
“Gosh, they’re going to be so hungover tomorrow,” Noelle says as they’re walking back to the car, barefoot with her heels in her hand, leaning into Susie’s side. “I offered to drive them home but, I guess Kris said they’ll just walk with Catti.”
Susie stops. “What? Kris is going home with her? But they’re drunk. What if she—You said she was a creep, what if she tries something weird?”
Noelle raises an eyebrow at Susie, laughs a little. “I didn’t say she was a creep, honey, I said she likes some things that are kind of creepy. Catti’s super sweet, and she and Kris have been friends for forever. They’re probably going to fall asleep the second they get in the door.”
“But what if–What if she tries something? Kris is a lightweight, they’re barely conscious. She could—” Susie’s body is hot with fury. She takes Noelle’s hand, tries to pull her towards the car. Kris always follows when Susie tugs them by the hand. “We need to go pick them up. Come on.”
“Susie,” Noelle says, sharply, and drops Susie’s hand. “You’re being kind of weird. What’s going on?”
“I mean, you know how Kris is,” Susie says, gesturing vaguely, awkwardly, and tries to open the car, but it’s unlocked.
“Uh, no.” Noelle narrows her eyes. “Not really, actually.”
“Like, they’ll kind of–uhm, flirt—with anybody, right? Like, it’d be way to easy, when their head is messed up, for somebody to–to take advantage of that. Way too easy to convince them to do something they might regret.”
Noelle stares at her. “Susie, are you sure you’re talking about Kris? Like, Kris Dreemurr? Kris Dreemurr who you live with? Who’s your best friend?”
Susie shakes her head. “What other Kris is there?”
Noelle opens her mouth, closes it. Shakes her head. “Susie, I have no idea where you got that idea, but Kris has never even kissed anyone.”
Susie bristles. “Yes they have, of course they have.”
Noelle crosses her arms. “And who was that?”
“I don’t—I mean, I thought they’d pretty much–” Susie sputters. “Like, I kind of thought they’d’ve, like, kissed half the school. I mean, you know how they act.”
“No. I can’t exactly say I do. I mean, don’t you share a room? I’m pretty sure you would know if Kris was bringing people home all the time. They aren’t that kind of person. When they like someone they really like them.”
“That’s not what I mean,” Susie says, flailing for an explanation that won’t make Noelle mad. “Like, it doesn’t mean anything to them. Like, kissing and other stuff.”
Noelle narrows her eyes even further. “Susie, what are you even saying?”
“I’m saying that I know—That I—You seriously think they like Catti?”
Noelle laughs, exasperated. “Susie, you aren’t stupid. You have to know why they went with her.”
Susie glances back at the school doors, where everyone is flooding out. Doesn’t see Kris. Did they leave already? Or are they inside–in some–some closet, with Catti’s hands under their shirt, Susie’d kill her, she would, God, she’d never let anyone near them again, she would—
“Susie.” Noelle snaps her fingers. “Hello?”
Susie waits a bit longer but Kris still doesn’t show up, so she looks back at Noelle.
“What?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t know. I mean, I'm sure it’s probably a bit awkward, since you don’t like them back, but they're your best friend. Doesn’t that matter more than a bit of awkwardness?”
Susie stares at Noelle.
“What? Like them back?”
“Oh.” Noelle covers her mouth with her hand, eyes widening. “Oh, no. Susie, you really didn’t—I’m sorry. Please, just, forget I said anything. Oh, no, Kris is going to be so…I feel awful. Please, forget it, just forget it.”
“Kris likes me? Like, they like, want to be with me?”
“Susie,” Noelle says firmly. “Please, don’t get mad at them, or make it awkward, I couldn’t forgive myself if I ruined your friendship. Just forget I said anything. I’m sure Kris and Catti could be a good couple. They already had so much fun tonight. You don’t need to worry about them so much, they’ll find someone. Maybe Catti is that someone. You should be happy for them.”
“I don’t want them to find someone,” Susie says, furiously, so angry she can barely see. “Not someone like that.”
Noelle steps backward, eyebrows high. “What? Susie, Catti is a good person. She’s been our friend for a lot longer than Kris has been yours. I promise, she’d be a good girlfriend.”
Susie shoves her hands in her pockets, slumps back against Noelle’s car. “Why don’t you go make out with her too, then?”
Noelle’s jaw drops. “I can’t believe you just said that. I actually can’t believe it. Susie, you have to tell me what’s wrong, because I'm not going to let you treat me like this.”
“Nothing is wrong.” Susie checks her phone, checks for notifications from Kris, but they haven’t texted her. Checks their location but they turned it off. “Fuck, shit. What if something is wrong? What if Catti—What if Kris—”
“Susie,” Noelle says, her voice soothing. “Nothing is wrong. Kris is okay. Let me drive you home.”
But, Susie wants to scream. They aren’t with me. How could they be okay. They aren’t with me.
“Fine,” is what she says, and she avoids Noelle’s gaze in the rearview mirror as she peers out the window and waits for a glimpse of Kris among the flashing concrete.
Noelle parks in the driveway. Susie gets out and opens her door for her, walks up to the front door and tries to hug her goodbye.
Noelle raises an eyebrow. “You don’t want me to stay over? I thought Miss Toriel was out with her boyfriend.”
“Oh, yeah. I forgot. Sorry.” She tries to remember what else she’s supposed to say. “You’re beautiful.”
“Right.” Noelle looks down at her hands. “You forgot.”
When Kris gets home in the morning they’re still in their dress from the night before, makeup smudged on their face—not just their makeup, Susie notices blearily as she sits up in bed. They glance over and see Noelle next to Susie, still asleep in one of Susie’s shirts, and then they glance quickly away.
“Nice night?” Susie asks, annoyance slipping into her voice, as she notices a smudge of lipstick under their ear.
Kris glances at her through the mirror as they pull their dress over their shoulders, wheel around to toss it in the hamper. Susie scans their body for anything that wasn’t there before. Nothing new but a bit of chafe marks from their dress. They glare halfheartedly at her when they catch her gaze but don’t go to the bathroom to finish changing, so they’re probably not too mad. They throw that new matching bra and underwear into the hamper too and put on a ratty old t-shirt and sweatpants, fall back into their bed and pass out.
Noelle wakes up soon after and Susie gives her a hoodie and shorts to borrow—Catti should’ve done that for Kris, she thinks, prickling—and Susie walks her down to her car and kisses her goodbye.
“What I said last night about Kris,” Noelle says, wringing her hands. “Please don’t tell them I told you, okay?”
Susie nods. “Okay.”
She goes upstairs and Kris is awake. Staring out the window at Noelle driving away.
“Noelle thinks you have a crush on me.”
Kris looks up at her. “Huh,” is all they say.
Susie sits on the bed across the room from them, crosses her arms. “That’s all you’re gonna say?”
“Do you have a crush on me?” they say, playing on crush, making fun of the kiddy word, eyes lazily half lidded, and then pick their phone up.
Susie prickles, sits up and tries to see who’s texting them. “What kind of question is that?”
They smile at a message. Don’t look up at her as they say, “Last night, Catti asked if she could be my girlfriend.”
Susie rolls her eyes. “No surprise there. Told you she was desperate.”
Kris takes a silly close up picture of their face and sends it. “I said yes.”
Susie’s body goes like ice. “Why the hell would you do that?”
They glance up at her. “She’s nice. I’m comfortable with her. We’re already friends. It’s easy. Plenty of reasons.”
Susie glowers. “That’s all it takes? And you didn't even--Last night, you didn't--”
"Why should you care?" Kris tips their head into their palm, still looking at their phone. “And I think you’d be surprised, what it takes. Seems like a lotta people don’t always know how to be nice.”
“But you don’t have feelings for her.”
“I could.” They shrug. “Important part’s that we’re on the same page. I know how she feels. She knows how I do. And it’s nice.” They look at her. “Not to have to hide. In changing rooms. In school bathrooms. In closets. It’s nice to feel like somebody’s choosing me for once. Not just when nobody else's around. So for now I'm gonna choose her. You know what that means?”
Susie’s mouth is dry. “What?”
They stand, grab their spare key to their mom’s car. “Means you should probably choose too.”
Kris is gone for the rest of the day. They come home smiling. At school they sit with their head in their girlfriend’s lap. Laugh at all her stupid jokes. Susie sits with Noelle by the old oak tree, and when Noelle snaps her fingers, says,
“Susie? Hello? What do you think? About my essay idea?”
Susie swallows and forces herself to look at her girlfriend, her girlfriend who she loves, and says, "It's great, Elly. Great. Everything’s great.”