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It was okay.
It really was okay.
It really was! Lord!
I mean, kissing a girl did not count as kissing, obviously.
Afterall, Hongjoong thought, God intended for Adam and Eve to unite as a couple and did not recognise the same gender lying together, so, obviously, kissing Seonghwa was definitely not a bad thing. It was just for practice!
Hongjoong had her plan set, she was going to marry a nice guy someday (it was her mother’s dream, sue Hongjoong for wanting to please her Eomma).
Someone like Yunho (someone her mom liked, anyway, Hongjoong only liked him as a funny friend). Someone sweet to her and strong and willing to give her children.
Definitely not a girl. Kissing Seonghwa was only for… practice. (Or maybe to feel Seonghwa’s lips against hers as they shared spit and hot breath and eye-contact that made Hongjoong melt like molten gold the moment their eyes met, but no, that was definitely. not. It.)
So, it was going to be okay.
“What’s going on in that head of yours now, honey?”
Hongjoong startled at the sudden whisper near the sensitive shell of her ear.
“Seonghwa-ya! Don’t scare me! I was just… thinking. Of things.”
“Things?”
“….yeah. Just, pink.. stuff.” Hongjoong mumbled.
Seonghwa raised her eyebrows, “Pink…stuff? Hongjoong, you are literally the last person to think of ‘pink stuff’, besides the fact that the only ‘pink’ thing we have been discussing is my strawberry chapstick and you wanting to kiss me, hmm?” She smirked and wiggled her eyebrows.
Hongjoong could only stammer, “H-huh? No? I m-mean, yeah? But uh, you said you wanted to think about it more?”
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Hongjoong had blurted out her desire to kiss Seonghwa while they had been cuddling at a movie sleepover night at Seonghwa’s house.
In the flickering lights of the movie, they had been talking. About their dreams, their future once school and classes ended, once their friend group would inevitably break apart as they all started their university courses and began new lives there, as young independent women.
Seonghwa had casually asked what was it that Hongjoong wanted to do in her immediate future, and Hongjoong, the fool lingering in their shared warmth, had immediately blurted out;
“I want to kiss you.”
The sudden recoil of Seonghwa’s body and the shock of losing that warmth had made Hongjoong want to crawl under the earth’s surface and never, ever come up. God, she was so, so, stupid. STUPID!
Could she have found a worse time than this?
(But, um, Seonghwa-ya, um, is it that bad an option if it’s just..practice? You and I, we’re b-both going to marry, um, a couple of guys after uni anyway.)
And Lord, the way Seonghwa’s face had fallen even further and then shifted to another expression that Hongjoong couldn’t even begin to decipher.
Something close to pity, sympathy, even recognition.
And may Hongjoong not delude herself further, because how could it be whatever it was that she was thinking, huh, love?? Nope, Hongjoong was not even going there, because, what???
She has shaken herself out of those thoughts and looked at Seonghwa from under her lashes, apprehension and hope swirling in her eyes.
Seonghwa had only sighed, and, with averted eyes, had said, “Let me think about it.”
So, yeah! That is exactly how Hongjoong found herself awaiting Seonghwa’s reply at their current meetup in their favourite café and friend group haunt, Aurora.
Even if Seonghwa was going to mock her and say no, (damn, that was depressing to even think about) the mouthwatering iced strawberry-mango latte would revive Hongjoong back up.
And if that also failed? Well, nothing a melt-in-the-mouth walnut-banana-choco pastry (yum) wouldn’t solve.
(Would it? Would it really help her recover from the mere thought of Seonghwa rejecting her?)
((No. No, it wouldn’t. But Hongjoong could pretend.))
Seonghwa only glanced at Hongjoong with a Look in her eyes, for a couple of seconds, which, for the record, got Hongjoong super antsy.
Once again, averting her eyes, (damn, Seonghwa really did Not maintain eye-contact with Hongjoong, huh?) Seonghwa passed her a note, which read….
“Eight p.m., my house??”
Seonghwa groaned and covered her eyes, “You were not supposed to read that out loud… but yeah, come to my room tonight….we’ll figure it out then.”
“Are you gonna kiss me then?” Hongjoong squealed, to the growing panic in Seonghwa’s eyes.
“Shhhh, people are going to hear you!”
“Sorry, sorry.” Hongjoong attempted to calm herself down, “But, you are going to? Really? Tell me this isn’t a prank?”
Seonghwa’s eyes softened, “I would never, Joongie.”
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Hongjoong was okay.
She was.
She really was okay.
Her heart was beating only….because. Because. No reason.
She was sweating for no reason, none at all!
Her breath was quickening only because she had run up the three flights of stairs to reach Seonghwa’s family’s apartment!
Never mind the fact that she had been sitting on Seonghwa’s bed for the past ten minutes and had ought to calm down by then. (Shhh! Traitor.)
Seonghwa came in right then and locked the door to her room. She took a deep breath, let it out and turned towards Hongjoong.
“….Can I..”
“Oh! Yeah of course, it is your bed after all.” Hongjoong scratched her neck sheepishly.
Seonghwa put up one foot on the bed and immediately stumbled as she got up again.
Hongjoong put out a hand, in alarm. “Woah!”
“Heh. I'm good.” Seonghwa put up a lame thumbs up that made them both begin giggling, even if it was uncertain and tinged with shyness.
“Let me just switch on the fairy lights.”
Hongjoong felt so endeared seeing Seonghwa trying her best to make it comfortable for her.
“I just need you. Here, with me.” Hongjoong said with a soft smile on her face.
(And Hongjoong would never know it, but Seonghwa was in love with that smile, that reminded her of a cute squirrel, of someone to love and cherish but never have.)
Seonghwa was pulled into the soft mattress, where she landed with a small oof.
Hongjoong followed her and flung herself into Seonghwa’s pillows, which by the way, made her feel a little crazy.
(The smell of Seonghwa, the sweet vanilla-ey musk of her. Hongjoong pressed her thighs real tight.)
They looked everywhere except actually meet each other’s eyes, extremely shy, feeling the proximity and the fact that they would kiss for sure, tonight.
Seonghwa suddenly turned to her side and plastered her warm body to Hongjoong’s side, and Hongjoong couldn’t breathe.
“Hongjoong-ie, look at me.”
Hongjoong could not disobey such a sweet command, and so turned her hooded eyes while shyly biting her lower lip.
Their eyes met, and Hongjoong felt the need to squirm seeing Seonghwa’s pupils dilate so violently.
Seonghwa suddenly let out a groan and buried her face in Hongjoong’s stomach, “Why must you seduce me like this Hongjoong-ah…”
Hongjoong was left blinking in surprise and shock as Seonghwa suddenly climbed on top of Hongjoong and pecked her nose.
“Wha-”
Seonghwa began leaving little strawberry scented kisses atop Hongjoong’s cheeks, forehead, and eyelids, making Hongjoong laugh and gasp. “Seonghwa- I- Seo- Stop! Mmh!”
Seonghwa raised herself up on her elbows, surrounding Hongjoong with her weight and scent, and Hongjoong was sure that she could see the blush crawling all over her face and neck.
Hongjoong just could not stop herself from threading her hands through Seonghwa’s soft hair, through her neck and interlocking her arms there, trapping Seonghwa.
(Hongjoong only ever felt safe in Seonghwa’s hold.)
The distance between their lips was so small it made them both gasp in surprise. Hongjoong was inhaling Seonghwa’s exhales, and Seonghwa was inhaling Hongjoong’s exhales, and truly, was there anything more intimate?
Hongjoong had no clue who closed the distance but in barely a second their lips were atop each other’s, and oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Hongjoong had never felt so at home before.
(Seonghwa was her home.)
(And wasn’t the thought that Seonghwa was never hers, just so so depressing?)
Hongjoong had never felt so satisfied and yet needy in her life before.
She never wanted to let go.
Seonghwa traced the seam of Hongjoong’s upper lip and the sensation made Hongjoong shiver and shudder and gasp.
She hadn’t known anything could feel so good.
(But then, she was sure, with Seonghwa anything and anywhere would be heaven. Anything.)
Hongjoong could only open her mouth, giving it to Seonghwa as a precious offering and Seonghwa savoured it with so much love.
Their tongues shyly felt each other, and Seonghwa explored Hongjoong’s mouth while Hongjoong could only feel. And feel she did.
Seonghwa’s tongue on hers, tasting her, licking into the space between her teeth and lips, her upper palate.
Hongjoong really can’t stress this enough.
She never wanted to let Seonghwa go.
(What did this mean? Did this make her a les-)
Her thoughts were disrupted when Seonghwa pulled away. Hongjoong whined.
“I'm right here, baby.” Seonghwa chuckled and oh..
“Baby?” Hongjoong felt so shy but so safe. She never wanted to be in anyone else’s arms ever.
Seonghwa came closer again, and Hongjoong couldn’t keep herself from surging forward and capturing Seonghwa’s lips into a kiss again.
Her enthusiasm made Seonghwa smile against their kiss, and wasn’t it such a joy to make Seonghwa happy?
(Would it be so bad to go against what God had wanted for her? Would it make her a bad, unfilial daughter to not do what her mother had wanted for her?)
Banishing any such thoughts, Hongjoong focused on their kissing, not that it was difficult, them, surrounded by pretty lights, Hongjoong surrounded by a pretty Seonghwa, the slick sounds and the hot feel, and their lips touching and their bodies pressed together, and the intimacy of it all, scrambling her brain and making it melt into soft, aroused goo.
It must have been a lifetime of them being so deeply in their own world, but a knock on Seonghwa’s bedroom door startled them.
Hongjoong and Seonghwa looked at each other with wide eyes.
“Seonghwa?”
Clearing her throat, “…Yes mom?” Seonghwa’s eyes darted a little nervously.
“Go to sleep, aegi-yah. You still have school tomorrow.” With a laugh that reverberated through the door, “God knows, with your attachment to each other, you may just end up in the same college after all.”
With that, her footsteps sounded further and further away. Seonghwa and Hongjoong looked at each other for a moment before the distance became too painful, landing the two of them, close in each other’s arms again.
Caressing Hongjoong’s clothed sides, Seonghwa whispered to Hongjoong, “We’ll be okay. We will.”
Seonghwa pressed herself against Hongjoong, effectively trapping them both into a cuddle, not that Hongjoong was complaining.
(How may more times would she be blessed to get something like this again?)
Hongjoong had no choice but to believe Seonghwa.
They both fell asleep in a couple of minutes, the last memory of the day was gazing into each other’s eyes, when the day’s exhaustion and roller-coaster-ality of it all caught up to them.
All Hongjoong thought of before inevitably succumbing to sleep was;
Hongjoong did not want to be anywhere where Seonghwa wasn’t.
And that she’d do anything to keep close to her whatever she could.
Even if it were Seonghwa.
Especially if it were Seonghwa.
~fin~
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