Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Seoyeon is going to die in this 40 square-foot concession shack. It feels abnormally hot for the first week of June, and the fan bolted to the ceiling does nothing except make white noise that she's learned to tune out. Her only reprieve is opening the freezer to grab another ice cream bar; She’s on hour three of her six-hour shift and she’s already on her second ice cream sandwich. Outside, the sun is unforgiving, and even though she's in the shade of her little shack, Seoyeon's eyes burn at the flashes of light reflecting off the water in front of her.

This is her fifth summer working at the same concession stand of her hometown's public beach, having first started just two months before her 17th birthday. It's not a flashy job, paying only a few dollars above their state's offensively-low minimum wage, but it's easy, and usually unstressful; Most importantly, it provides her with all the free ice cream she could dream of. All in all, she can't complain. Except she can, and she does, because she's hot and bored.

The heat melting her brain is why she doesn't think much about the girl that approaches the concession stand, other than making a mental note of how tall she is. Long legs carry her to the front of the stand, where she looks up at Seoyeon with eyes wide and mischievous in a way that reminds Seoyeon distinctly of the golden retriever her best friend Dahyun had growing up.

"Do you give discounts to pretty girls? You know, from one to another?"

Seoyeon blinks. She doesn't get caught up on the second part of the question. It's too hot to joke around, and it's definitely too hot to fall for flattery. "No."

The girl pouts. "What about a birthday discount?"

"Is today your birthday?"

"Yesterday was! It's still June 2nd somewhere. Probably. Time zones and all, right?"

Seoyeon blinks again, considering going into a speech about the International Date Line and the ocean just for her own amusement. Instead, she responds with a blank, "That's not how that works."

The girl's pout gets stronger, smooth bottom lip jutting out comically. "You're strict."

At the lack of response, the girl bites her lip, planning her next strategy. "Okay, last try."

"Got any discounts for a poor, underpaid lifeguard who's been standing in the sun all day with a mild hangover?" The girl finishes her sentence with a widening of her already-big eyes and her biggest pout yet, looking remarkably similar to a puppy begging for table scraps.

The sympathy plea— classic. Seoyeon's not heartless, and though she refuses to feed this stranger's ego, she is undeniably very pretty. Plus, this is the only interesting interaction she's had all day. Seoyeon turns around, grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler and placing it on the counter in front of the girl. If Seoyeon is suffering from the heat even here in the shade, she can only imagine what the girl must be feeling out on the beach. "Only so you don't die of heat stroke."

The girl eyes it, pout lessening, though her face still holds an expression of slight disappointment. "Oh…"

"What's wrong?"

"I was thinking more like ice cream? Since it's so hot and all." The girl hits her with a faux-innocent smile, dramatically wiping her forehead as if clearing away sweat.

Seoyeon raises an eyebrow. She's about to argue when she notices a real bead of sweat on the girl's temple. The cooler has an excess of grape popsicles— hardly anybody buys them because they're the worst flavor— Seoyeon can afford to spare one. She turns around, grabbing one and relishing in the second of cold air the open cooler provides, then places the popsicle next to the water bottle already on the counter. "Happy late birthday."

At the sight of the treat, the girl's eyes light up, pity act all but forgotten.

"Thanks, Seoyeon," the girl says, words half-muffled as she rips the plastic wrapper with her teeth. "I have to go back to work but I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

This girl is so strange, talking to her like they know each other— like a friend, even though they've barely exchanged 10 words— that all Seoyeon can do is nod. Tomorrow. Whatever.

Then she's turning around, bounding back to her lifeguard stand, presumably; It's not until she's halfway down the beach that Seoyeon realizes she never told the girl her name.

As promised, the girl is back the following day.

"Did you miss me?" she asks as soon as Seoyeon acknowledges her presence.

Now that Seoyeon has more notice, she takes the girl in. She's tall— Seoyeon is used to physically looking down on customers, but this girl is almost eye level with her even though the inside of the concession stand is elevated half a foot above ground. The girl's short hair is pulled back in a neat ponytail, though the few strands that have slipped out frame her face nicely. She's fit, sculpted arms on full display in her tank top, Lifeguard across the chest in white text, and Seoyeon wonders whether she's some sort of professional athlete, or something— she's got the physique for it.

Once she's finished taking mental notes on the girl, Seoyeon motions toward the beach behind her, “Don’t you have lives to guard?”

“I’m on my break, silly. I've got twenty legally-allotted minutes to do whatever I want.”

"And that includes begging for free ice cream?"

"Only because the person selling it is so pretty," the girl throws her a big grin again, and Seoyeon figures she must have realized the power of her smile early on in life. Her smile comes so easily, filling her face with cheerfulness, there's no way this isn't a trait she's used to her advantage for a long time. It almost works, before the girl opens her mouth and ruins it, "And I'm not begging. If I were begging, I'd be on my hands and knees, and you'll have to take me out to dinner first if you want to see me on my knees."

Seoyeon coughs, not sure where to even begin unpacking all that, feeling her ears turn red involuntarily. In her head, she blames the heat, then changes the subject. "How did you know my name yesterday?"

"I'm psychic." The girl smiles. She rolls her eyes back and lowers her voice in a poor imitation of an oracle. "I see all."

Seoyeon scoffs at that, fighting the urge to roll her own eyes.

"Just kidding," the girl says, voice going back to normal. She taps a spot on her own chest, right above her heart. "You're wearing a name tag."

Seoyeon looks down at her chest where the forgotten plastic tag sits pinned, engraved with her first name. Well. "Don't you think it's unfair that you know my name and I don't know yours?"

"I'll trade you my name for another popsicle. Not grape though."

"You didn't like it?" As expected, the only people that like the chemically-sweet grape popsicles are old people with diminished taste buds and children who haven't learned to discern sugar from actual flavor.

"I'm just not much of a grape girl. I have a favorite fruit, but I'm not going to tell you yet."

"Why not?"

"It's not fun if you know everything about me right away."

"I don't know anything about you, except that you clearly enjoy annoying people at their jobs."

"Annoying? Ouch." The girl pouts again, putting a hand over her heart to signal her bruised ego. "Would you be less annoyed with me if I told you my name?"

Yes, Seoyeon thinks. Externally, all she does is shrug.

"Ice cream first," the girl insists. Seoyeon rolls her eyes at the girl's audacity to be demanding over something she's getting for free, but she still turns around to grab another ice cream for her. After looking over the selection, she settles on a cherry popsicle, one of her least favorites. It's not that she's intentionally giving the girl bad ice cream, but she figures the logical thing to do is to save the better ice cream varieties for later, that way the girl has the gift of perspective once she tries the best. Seoyeon places the popsicle— in all its red dye #40 glory— on the counter in front of her.

The girl looks at it, then back up at Seoyeon. She doesn't break eye contact as she reaches to grab the treat. "My name is Nien."

Seoyeon barely has a second to react to that before the girl— Nien— is turning around, using her long legs to make her way down the beach away from the concession stand.

From over her shoulder, she gives a wave and calls out, "See you tomorrow, Seoyeon!"

When Nien comes back again the next day, she starts with a question first. "When's your break?"

"I can take it whenever. I was planning to wait another hour or so," Seoyeon answers, already getting used to the girl's forwardness.

"How about you take it now, while I'm on mine? That way we can talk for more than three minutes at a time and I don't have to stand here and look up at you."

Although Nien's whole thing still sometimes makes her a little dizzy, she can't deny that she wants to get to know more about her. Seoyeon takes a look around the beach— it's empty enough right now that she feels like closing the stand for twenty minutes won't completely tank their profit margins.

She grabs an orange popsicle for Nien and an ice cream sandwich for herself, temporarily flips the sign to the side that reads "Sorry, we're closed!" and exits the stand.

When she steps onto the ground, she's not prepared to have to look up at Nien this time.

"Wow, you're so much shorter than I expected," Nien says, unhelpfully, practically towering above her. "I'm not used to looking down."

"Shut up." Seoyeon pushes her shoulder, and for a second she worries that this might qualify as assault, considering they barely know each other, but Nien just laughs.

"It's cute though," Nien says, reaching out like she's going to pinch Seoyeon's cheeks. Seoyeon swiftly dodges the girl's hands. "I bet you'd be the perfect height to hug. Should we find out?"

"This is what you made me take my break early for?"

Nien laughs again, motioning to the picnic table nearest them. "Let's sit."

Seated on the itchy wooden benches of the table in the shade, Seoyeon starts on her ice cream sandwich. Between bites, she asks the question that had been on her mind since meeting the girl earlier in the week. "Why are you here? This town, I mean."

"Is it that obvious that I'm not from around here?"

"No, not really, it's just that I am from around here, and I've been at this same beach every summer of my life. Probably seventy-five percent of everyone that comes through here are either people I've grown up with or people related to them. And if you're just here for seasonal work, most people work in town instead of for the pennies you get paid out here."

Nien takes another bite of her popsicle, orange already beginning to color the edges of her bottom lip. "My best friend is from here, and her parents left their big, lakefront house empty over the summer, so I'm staying there with her and her girlfriend for the break. There's only so much third-wheeling a person can take before they lose their mind, and I've always loved the water, so. Here I am."

"Who's your friend?"

"Xinyu Zhou. Do you know her?"

Seoyeon had gone to middle school, then high school with Xinyu Zhou— it'd be hard not to know her, considering Xinyu was involved in just about every club and activity a person could possibly have time for. She'd even been elected prom queen in their Senior year. Of course she knew Xinyu. They'd always run in different circles, so she was never friends with the girl, per se, but they were always friendly when they'd interacted. Among those interactions was a group project for their Freshman-year history class, one that required their group to meet outside of school; The most logical place at the time was Xinyu's house, so strangely enough, Seoyeon has been inside the exact house— no, mansion— Nien is staying at.

"Yeah, yeah, I know Xinyu." She hadn't kept up with the girl after high school graduation, so she's not sure where she, and, by extension, Nien, ended up. "You said you're on summer break? Where do you go to school?"

"Loyola! I'm studying sports management."

And Seoyeon's heart stops for a second because—

"I'm at Northwestern. Business."

Nien gasps, and when her mouth opens, Seoyeon can see that her tongue is fully stained orange. "We're practically neighbors! You're, what, twenty minutes away? I mean, that's only a few stops on the train!"

And now Nien is looking at her like she's seeing her for the first time, like now they really know each other, even though they're still barely more than strangers. "I can't believe we've never run into each other in the city, that we're only meeting now that we're in the middle of nowhere."

Seoyeon doesn't tell her that she doesn't leave her dorm as often as she should. She doesn't mention that even when she does leave her dorm, it's either just a few floors up to the single dorm room Dahyun shares with her girlfriend Nakyoung, or, if she's feeling particularly adventurous, the library. "Maybe we have and you just don't remember."

"No, no, I would definitely remember if I met someone as beautiful as you."

And Seoyeon doesn't really feel like entertaining that comment with a response right now, so she changes the subject again. It seems like she's becoming an expert in that. "So, I know where you go to school, but where are you originally from?"

"Oh, I was born and raised in the city. Further west, out by Albany Park," Nien motions with her hand, like it's just down the street and not hundreds of miles away. "I wanted to stay somewhat close to my parents, but I also wanted to be near the lake, so Loyola just made sense."

She covers it up well, but at the mention of her parents, Nien's eyes get just the slightest bit wetter, voice tightening almost imperceptibly. Still, Seoyeon catches it. "You miss them? Your parents?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's kinda silly since they're only a few hours away, but. We're really close, especially me and my mom, so it, um, doesn't feel good being apart."

Now Nien's eyes are glistening openly, smile tight, and Seoyeon doesn't like seeing the girl not smiling genuinely for once. She wants to do something to stop Nien from being sad, but she's not sure what'll help. Under the table, she bumps her knee against Nien's, hoping the contact is some small comfort.

It's also at that moment that the twenty-minute timer goes off on Nien's phone, startling both of them. Nien clears her throat, blinking the wetness away and putting on a smile like nothing is wrong, though Seoyeon can't help but notice it's still too tight to be entirely authentic. "Well, I'll, uh, see you on Monday. Try not to miss me too much this weekend."

It's an abrupt ending to their time together, but she feels like she's gotten to know the girl much better, seeing her as a person instead of just a mild annoyance. Seoyeon still wants to say something to make Nien feel better, but the words don't come, and all she can do is default to practiced nonchalance. "Yeah, yeah, see you next week."

It's annoying to admit it, but Nien had hit the nail on the head. That Saturday, the first day of her weekend off, is stifling, and not only because of the heat. It's not that she misses her, because you can't really miss someone you hardly know, but Seoyeon is unusually restless as she sits on the couch of her parents' living room. Have weekends always been this slow?

She calls Dahyun, who's still in the city, and they chat about anything and everything to pass the time. Even though it helps a bit, the minute she hangs up the phone, the quiet air of the empty house presses down on her and she feels restless, longing for ice cream and the sound of waves. Stupid Nien making me aware of the passage of time. Whatever.

When Monday does finally roll around, Nien asks her how her weekend was, but does not ask whether Seoyeon missed her or not, which Seoyeon is grateful for. She's not fully confident in her ability to keep a straight face, and she doesn't want to give Nien the satisfaction of knowing she might have been right. Inside the stand, Seoyeon flips the sign to closed in preparation for taking her break now that Nien is here. "What do you want to eat today?"

Nien looks up at the menu behind her, eyes darting around the frozen treat section. "Now that I've tried all three flavors of popsicles, I've gotta try the rest of the ice cream selection, right? I trust your judgment."

There are eight types of ice cream they sell. They are, based on Seoyeon's definitive ranking of best to worst:

1. Ice cream sandwich

2. Strawberry sundae

3. Chocolate sundae

4. SpongeBob ice cream bar

5. Orange popsicle

6. Snow cone

7. Cherry popsicle

8. Grape popsicle

Today's menu will be the snow cone, Seoyeon decides.

So they sit together and talk between bites of their respective treats, same as last week. Over the course of the break, Seoyeon watches as Nien's lips turn red, then purple from the snow cone's array of heavily-dyed flavors mixing together as she eats. Nien tells her what it was like to grow up in the city— taking the train to school, and trekking down Argyle every weekend to go to her favorite Vietnamese bakery with her mom, and spending long summer days swimming in the lake at Montrose Beach. In return, Seoyeon tells her about growing up in their quiet little beach town— waking up early to catch the bus, and sleeping over at Dahyun's house every weekend, and eating half-melted popsicles as a kid on this very beach, well before she took up the reins herself. By the time their break comes to an end, the final shade of Nien's mouth is a blue-green-purple-black amalgam, the result of all the flavors staining over top of each other.

From then on, their breaks become time for them to sit and talk about whatever and eat ice cream together. It just becomes a thing they do. Seoyeon doesn't give much thought to what exactly it means, but she thinks she and Nien might be on their way to being considered something like friends.

On one particularly unforgiving day, it's so hot that they almost don't feel like eating ice cream. Almost.

"It's too hot," Nien whines, slumping over on the picnic table. The sun is high in the sky, and even from their place in the shade, the heat is so unrelenting that it seems to be punishing them. "I'm melting."

Seoyeon takes a bite of her ice cream sandwich, which does frustratingly little to cool her down. As the chocolate wafer hits her mouth, an idea comes to her. "We could sit in my car for the rest of our break. We might survive if we turn the air conditioning on."

Nien nods as eagerly as the sickening heat will allow, a drop of sweat falling from her temple as she does. "Yes, please."

Seated in Seoyeon's car, Nien splays herself out in the passenger seat in a way that's strangely similar to the way Seoyeon's dad lounges in the recliner at home: slouched posture, legs and arms wide open— entirely focused on comfort and completely unafraid of taking up space. "This is so much better."

Seoyeon hums in agreement, finishing the last of her ice cream sandwich.

"I like your bumper sticker, by the way," Nien adds, referring to the little image of a hamster throwing up a peace sign pasted on the back of her car. Dahyun had put it there last year, telling her it reminded of her. (Nakyoung had unhelpfully chimed in with full agreement.) Seoyeon has always rejected the resemblance, but she's never had the heart to take it off.

Unknowingly, Nien echoes her friends' sentiment, "It looks like you."

She still doesn't see it. "No, it doesn't. I look like a human, not— I do not look like a hamster."

"You absolutely do. You're just in denial."

Seoyeon pouts. "Well, if I'm a hamster, then you're a puppy. An annoying little puppy that goes around begging for treats."

"Does that make you my owner in this scenario?"

"Wha— no, that's— that is not the point," Seoyeon coughs, feeling her cheeks heat up. "Let's stop talking about this."

Nien laughs, and moves on to entertaining herself by snooping around the car, opening and closing the compartments, completely shameless about being nosy.

There's nothing scandalous until she opens the center console and spots an object of interest at the bottom of the compartment. Nien grabs for the offending item, holding it up in the air as evidence: in her hands is a garishly pink and yellow strawberry banana flavored Elf Bar.

"Seoyeon—" Nien gasps, then pauses,"—I just realized I don't know your last name."

"Yoon."

"Seoyeon Yoon, is this a vape? Don't you know how bad these things are for you?"

"Yeah, okay, mom," Seoyeon rolls her eyes. It's actually Nakyoung's that she'd accidentally forgotten in the car during the semester— Seoyeon is not a regular nicotine user, only using it often enough to be considered habitual during the exceptionally stressful period of their finals week. However, even if only occasionally, Seoyeon had hit it enough over the last few weeks that she feels like she ought to not completely shrug off Nien's little health warnings. "It helps me relieve the stress of hearing a bunch of screaming children all day. I'm sure you have your own vices."

"I cope with stress the healthy way, by running until I feel better." Nien's voice softens, "And lately, talking to you."

It's strangely earnest, considering most of their conversations have been so joking in nature, and it fills Seoyeon's chest with something she can't place. Not knowing what she's feeling freaks her out a little, so she reverts the conversation back into a joke, "And here I thought you were just talking to me for the free ice cream."

Nien shakes her head. "That's only, like, thirty percent of the reason." Nien pauses, then adds, "Is it weird to say I like that you get annoyed at me? Most girls just blush and giggle."

"So you do flirt with other girls like this. I was wondering."

"I don't usually come on this strong, if that makes a difference."

"Why is it different with me?"

Nien looks out the window, and Seoyeon watches as her jaw moves back and forth a little, barely enough to be visible. (Like everything with Nien, Seoyeon can't help but notice.) As the silence stretches a beat too long, making Seoyeon wonder if the question was the wrong thing to ask, Nien looks back with that familiar smile plastered on her face. "It's not fun if you know everything right away, remember?"

Seoyeon rolls her eyes. That again. "You've answered plenty of my other questions. How do you decide which ones to answer and which you're going to be all weirdly elusive about?"

Nien shakes her head, not answering. Instead, she puts on that deepened, all-knowing voice she'd done the other day, "All will be revealed in time."

The weather isn't so unbearably hot their next shift, or the one after that, but they still go to Seoyeon's car to sit in the air conditioning and talk about whatever comes up in the twenty minutes they're allowed (though they quickly begin testing the limits of what can be considered "twenty minutes", stretching their breaks to spans of twenty-five, then thirty minutes). It becomes another part of their routine, and now Seoyeon knows they're on their way to being considered something like friends.

There's one day with forecasted mid-afternoon rain. The day is normal until one point: when their break time is up, Nien says goodbye like usual, except she starts walking the opposite direction as she usually does, moving distinctly away from the beach.

"Where are you going?" Seoyeon asks, brow furrowed in confusion.

"I'm walking home, so I'm cutting out early. I need to get back before it starts raining."

"Wait. You're walking to Xinyu's house? Wouldn't that take like thirty minutes?"

"Twenty four, but yeah." At Seoyeon's alarmed look, Nien shrugs. "I like to walk."

"Okay, but there's hardly any actual sidewalks on that road. You could get hit by a car."

"I'll be fine. No injuries yet." Nien, missing the point, motions toward herself as if to show she's still in one piece.

And Seoyeon's stomach turns because Nien is taking her safety way too lightly. Seoyeon knows very well how limited the visibility is on back roads like the one to Xinyu's house, how easily it would be for someone to go just a little too fast, and—

"No, no, you're not walking that far. Just give me twenty minutes to close the stand and I'll drive you back."

"You don't have to—"

"I want to. Stop being stubborn and just let me take care of you." It doesn't come out the way she intended, sounding more… intimate than she means, but Nien goes quiet, not arguing back for once, and Seoyeon hopes it means she's gotten through to the girl.

After a beat, Nien nods. "Okay. I'll be a good girl and listen."

Now it's Seoyeon's turn to blush, feeling her stomach jump with an emotion she can't fully place.

"Just, um, wait here, I guess. Or, actually," Seoyeon hands over her car keys, "go to the car and start the air conditioning so that it's ready when I get there."

"Yes, ma'am." Nien turns around, bounding toward the parking lot, and Seoyeon exhales. She hadn't even realized she'd been holding her breath.

The drive itself is unremarkable, except when Nien tells her to put music on, Seoyeon has to tell her, "I don't listen to a lot of music."

Nien gasps at that, eyes going so wide Seoyeon fears they might fall out of her head. "What?!? I can't live if I don't have something to listen to."

"I'm entertained enough by my own thoughts, I guess."

"I have to make you a playlist."

Seoyeon hums at that. Maybe Nien will turn her into a music lover, or maybe not.

Ten minutes later, Seoyeon pulls into Xinyu's long driveway, stopping close to the house so Nien doesn't have to walk far.

Nien doesn't get out immediately, deciding— of course— to tease Seoyeon before they part. "No kiss goodbye?"

At the suggestion, Seoyeon's eyes reflexively go to Nien's stained lips, still colored with the artificial cherry red of that day's popsicle, and in her mind, Seoyeon briefly entertains the proposal, wondering whether they'd still carry the flavor.

But when she looks back up, Nien is smiling, and Seoyeon knows she's joking, because Nien is always joking.

"Get out of my car," she laughs, reaching across the center to push the girl's shoulder lightly. Anything less than laughter and outright dismissal would give away the weird lump in her throat that she can't explain.

Nien closes the door, laughing as she does. Inside, Seoyeon can still hear the sound even after the door slams shut. She watches as the girl walks up a few steps, and just as Seoyeon gets ready to put her car in reverse, Nien abruptly turns around and jogs back toward her. Standing outside the driver's side door, she taps on the window, motioning for Seoyeon to roll it down.

Once the glass has retreated into the door, Nien leans down, resting her arms against the open window frame.

"I forgot to thank you for driving me home. You really didn't have to, but I appreciate it. Even though I still think you're worrying too much." 

Nien smiles, giving a little eye roll, and it's only when she notices the tiny mole on the edge of her jawline that Seoyeon realizes how close their faces are. From her place in the driver's seat, Nien is only a few inches away, and Seoyeon is close enough to clearly see how smooth her lips are, almost without a single wrinkle. Her brain tells her to run a finger over them, just to know how they'd feel under her touch, but she pushes the urge down and shakes the thoughts away. "How are you getting to work tomorrow? Not walking, right?"

Nien shakes her head. "Sohyun drives me in the mornings. She's the only reason I make it to work at a reasonable time, I'd definitely sleep through my alarm without her." 

An image pops into Seoyeon's brain of Nien, sprawled out in bed with wild hair and a little trail of drool down the corner of her mouth. It's endearing, somehow.

"But Sohyun doesn't drive you home?"

"No, she can't. She has stuff she has to do for her internship until the evening."

"Well, then, you know I'm going to drive you home again tomorrow, right? And every day?" Nien opens her mouth to speak, but Seoyeon beats her to it. "Don't try to argue."

Nien pouts. "I don't want to inconvenience you."

"Your safety is never an inconvenience." Seoyeon says, watching as Nien restlessly bites her bottom lip to restrain her disagreement. "It only adds ten minutes to my drive home anyway, it's not a big deal."

If Nien still wants to argue, she doesn't get the chance, because their conversation is interrupted by the first raindrops hitting her windshield. Nien notices it too, looking up at the darkening skies with a sigh.

"I should go inside. Thank you again, Seoyeon. I'm always grateful when you take care of me."

Hearing her words from earlier, about taking care echoed back to her makes her tense up, filling her with that same unknown emotion she'd felt earlier. "Yeah, yeah, I'll, uh, see you tomorrow."

Nien nods, putting a hand over her head to shield herself from the rain when it starts coming down harder. "Get home safe! I'll see you tomorrow!"

On the first day of the third week of June, Nien eats her last-first ice cream. She's tasted seven until now: all three varieties of the sickly-sweet artificially flavored fruit popsicles, the crunchy pre-frozen snow cone that turns black once the colors melt together, the SpongeBob-shaped popsicle with the wonky gumball eye that stains your tongue green, the rational chocolate sundae cup, and the three layers of perfection called the ice cream sandwich.

The last one is the strawberry sundae— four swirls of strawberry puree against soft vanilla ice cream contained in a scalloped plastic cup, the kind with the paper lid that you feel bad throwing away because there's still a little bit of ice cream stuck to the top. For some reason, Seoyeon feels a bit hesitant to hand it over. Once she's tried the last kind of ice cream, will Nien stop coming to see her every day? But she can't voice her concerns out loud, watching intently as Nien takes her first bite. Her already-big eyes widen comically, and if they got any bigger Seoyeon might be scared they'd fall out of the girl's head. "It's delicious! Why didn't you give me this one to start with?"

"So, that's your favorite?" 

Nien's eyebrows furrow, thinking back on all the varieties of ice cream she's sampled in the last two weeks. "Yes, definitely. You know, strawberries are my favorite fruit. Probably my favorite flavor ever. I would marry a strawberry if I could."

"That's the big secret-favorite that you wouldn't tell me earlier?" Seoyeon laughs at the simplicity of it. "You've read the menu a dozen times, you could've just asked for a strawberry sundae if you knew you'd like it."

"I told you it's not fun if I just tell you right away. Doesn't it feel more rewarding to know this about me after all this time, now that we're closer?" Seoyeon would never admit it out loud, but it does feel more rewarding, like she's slowly piecing together a picture of Nien as a whole person. "Plus, if I'd tried this one on the first day, I wouldn't have any excuse to keep coming back to see you."

She wanted— wants— to keep seeing me. The comment relieves Seoyeon of the worry she'd been feeling just a minute earlier. "If you wanted to see me, you could've just said that. You didn't have to come and mooch every day."

"I thought I was annoying, though? In your words."

"You are. Don't let your ego get too big now."

Nien laughs, then pivots, "You know, I don't think I ever even asked, what's your favorite ice cream?"

"Of the ones we sell here?"

Nien nods.

"You can't beat an ice cream sandwich. It's a classic for a reason. I love the soft serve, too, except the machine always breaks the first week of the season and the boss won't pay to fix it until the next summer."

Nien gives a thoughtful hum. "What about all ice cream? What's your favorite?"

Seoyeon thinks for a second, running through all the ice cream she's ever had. It's hard to pick just one, but the answer comes to her immediately. "Superman."

At the confused tilt of Nien's head (puppy, Seoyeon's mind supplies), she explains. "It's like lemon and strawberry and blue moon swirled together. Three ice creams in one. There was this ice cream shop when I was a kid that used to sell the best Superman ice cream, but they closed down when I was in middle school. Nothing has come close ever since."

"What's blue moon?"

Seoyeon sighs. City slickers. Clearly, some ice cream education needs to take place, and Seoyeon tells her as much.

"Do they sell it anywhere in town?" Nien asks. "Maybe you can take me to try it when we're both not working. It's best to learn from the ice cream expert, isn't it?"

"Yeah, there are a few ice cream shops around," Seoyeon responds, feeling a little proud at being considered an expert on her favorite thing. "If we're both free, that might be fun."

In all honesty, Nien would probably be scared at how seriously she takes ice cream— real, dairy-based ice cream, not the sugary frozen treats they sell here, the majority of which are just corn syrup, water, and dye— but Seoyeon imagines going into town with Nien and sampling all the different flavors, narrowing down Nien's tastes until she has a distinct favorite. Almost like a date.

As if she can read her mind, Nien just smiles and bumps their knees together under the table.

Sating Seoyeon's worries completely, Nien is back the next day despite the lack of new flavors to try for the first time. With the strawberry sundae as Nien's ice cream of choice, it becomes part of their routine: every time Seoyeon sees Nien approaching the concession stand, she knows to grab one out of the cooler (and an ice cream sandwich for herself) and set out the "Sorry, we're closed!" sign for the next twenty minutes, which they always end up stretching closer to thirty.

After they've extended their time as long as they reasonably can, they go back to their designated workspaces for the rest of their shifts. Once 3:00 PM hits and they're off work, they're back in Seoyeon's car with the air conditioning cranked all the way up and Nien on music duty while Seoyeon drives them through the woods leading to Xinyu's house.

It isn't until the day a child orders a strawberry sundae and she pretends they're out because there's only one left in the freezer and Nien hasn't stopped by yet that she realizes she might already be too far gone.

At the end of the week, the last day before Seoyeon is off work for the weekend, another burst of bad weather is forecasted, this time a nasty thunderstorm. Despite the severe weather warning, their boss tells them to come in anyway. ("Eh, it'll pass us, it always does.") Of course, of course, in the middle of the day, the skies open up and it starts to pour, hard. Along with the rain comes thunder, and lightning, and everyone scatters out of the water and evacuates to their cars and back to the safety of their homes. Except, as employees, they're supposed to stay, so the handful of them working run through the wind and rain into the storage-slash-locker room building— no fancier than four concrete walls, flooring, and a roof— designated as the place to shelter them in the face of bad storms like this.

Seoyeon has to lock up the concession stand before she can get to shelter, so by the time she gets there, the lifeguards have already gathered safely. Nien is there, looking like a dog fresh out of the bath, strands of wet hair sticking to her flushed face. There's one strand of hair nearing her eye that can't be comfortable, so when Seoyeon gets closer, she instinctively reaches out to brush it out of her face, pushing it behind her ear.

"Could this turn into a tornado? Will we get blown away to Kansas?" Nien asks, smiling wide despite the storm raging around them, probably still feeling the adrenaline of having run through half a mile of strong wind and rain so heavy it leaves her soaked to the bone.

It's moments like these that remind her that Nien is from a city that's protected from the most severe weather conditions.

"No. The worst we'll get is flash flooding, or a bunch of downed trees, but we're probably fine here," Seoyeon says, grabbing Nien's wrist. "But, still, sit down. It's safer if you're lower to the ground."

Seoyeon sits against the cold concrete, back pressed against a locker. With Nien's wrist in her grasp, she pulls the girl to sit down next to her. As Nien takes a seat, their thighs touch, and Seoyeon almost jumps as freezing cold skin meets hers. It's then that she realizes Nien is shivering, having been in the rain much longer than Seoyeon was. There's a high chance she'll catch a cold if she stays this way, and Seoyeon knows how awful it is to get sick in the middle of summer.

"Wait here," she tells Nien. She stands and goes to her employee locker, just a few feet away, and grabs the sweatshirt she keeps there in case of windy days. There are a few passably-clean beach towels in the lost and found in the corner, and she grabs one of those as well before moving back to stand in front of Nien.

She tosses the towel into Nien's lap, then holds the sweatshirt out in front of her. When Nien just looks at it, eyebrow quirked like she's never seen a sweatshirt before, Seoyeon tells her, "Put it on, dummy. You'll get sick if your body doesn't warm up soon."

"But, what about you?" Nien asks, concern evident in her gaze when she looks up at Seoyeon. She's surprised Nien doesn't make a joking offer to snuggle for warmth, but a particularly strong gust of wind sends a noticeable tremble through the roof of the building, and all of them are a little too nervous to be able to laugh at anything right now.

Seoyeon shakes her head, feeling her damp— though not nearly as damp as Nien's— hair shake. "Don't worry about me. Now dry yourself off."

Nien unfolds the towel, putting it over her head and moving it around in a way that could be politely described as inelegant. When she removes the towel, her short hair is wild and… still damp.

"Here, I'll do it," Seoyeon says, moving to kneel beside Nien. "Sit forward."

Seoyeon takes the towel in her hands, grabbing a corner and gently drying Nien's hair, lightly squeezing the water out into the towel and smoothing the strands down into some semblance of order. She wipes water off Nien's red ears, being careful not to snag any of her many piercings, and then moves onto her face, which she handles even more gently. Nien is looking at her the entire time, big eyes barely blinking, and Seoyeon tries not to squirm under the girl's gaze, focusing instead on the task at hand. She dabs the towel across Nien's forehead, then under her eyes— the only time they close, giving Seoyeon a second to breathe— then against her jaw, and finally on her chin, which she holds for a beat longer than necessary.

With a cough, she takes her hands off Nien's face and wraps the towel snugly around the girl's shoulders.

"There, now that you're somewhat dry, you'll warm up faster," Seoyeon says, stiffly shoving the sweatshirt back into Nien's arms. "Put the sweatshirt on, but keep the towel on underneath. It'll help soak up some of the water from your torso."

And so Nien does, slipping the garment on over her head. For some reason, Seoyeon gets a lump in her throat at seeing Nien wearing it, at seeing her school's name in big, purple letters sprawled across Nien's body. Seoyeon sits back down next to her, and from the side, she can't read the shirt, which is a relief.

After a few minutes, Nien's shivering has reduced, but not entirely subsided, and Seoyeon is still concerned about the risk of her getting sick. Maybe I should've dried her body off more before I had her put on the sweatshirt. Now she's just in a wet sweatshirt instead of a wet shirt. And it doesn't help that she's wearing shorts.

Her legs have to be the problem, Seoyeon deduces, losing the most heat from being almost completely uncovered. Next to her, Nien is talking about something that Seoyeon is barely paying attention to, and Seoyeon feels bad for interrupting her mid-sentence, but she really doesn't want her to catch pneumonia.

"—But then Xinyu told me later—"

"Nien," Seoyeon says. "Try rubbing your hands across the tops of your thighs for a bit. It'll warm them up faster."

Nien does, but her form is all wrong, hands too splayed out, and movements too slow. "Like this?"

"No, more like—" Seoyeon looks over at the other staff members, scattered around the room. It's not like they're doing anything, but she doesn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. All of them are either on their phones or distracted with their own conversations, so Seoyeon reaches over and places a hand on the top of each of Nien's thighs.

Under her touch, she feels Nien's muscles stiffen, but she keeps going, rubbing her flat palms in a quick back-and-forth motion. "More like this."

She already knows her face is red, can feel the heat in her cheeks, and ears, and the back of her neck. There's a strange heat in the pit of her stomach, and maybe even lower, but she doesn't let herself think about that for more than half a second. It's not— I'm just helping a friend.

The entire time she's giving her demonstration, she can't make eye contact with Nien, but she needs to make sure Nien is paying attention and understanding, so she forces herself to look up at the girl's face. She startles when she immediately meets Nien's eyes, gaze already boring into her own. Seoyeon clears her throat. "Were you— Did you get that?"

Nien nods wordlessly, and Seoyeon thinks the girl might be blushing, too. She can't look long enough to confirm, eyes darting anywhere but Nien's face. "Now, just, um, do that to yourself."

Seoyeon shifts back to Nien's side, back going up against the solid metal of the locker. She's grateful for the stability, because her entire body feels a little bit like jelly right now. Her palms are buzzing, like she can still feel the sensation of Nien's skin under hers.

Thankfully, Nien's shivering stops entirely after a few minutes, though Seoyeon doesn't stop feeling faintly rattled. It's made worse when Nien rests her almost-dry head against Seoyeon's shoulder, linking an arm with hers. "Thanks, Seoyeon. I feel better."

Just as suddenly as the storm had started, it stops. A few minutes later, everyone gets texts on their phone telling them the severe weather warning shelter-in-place order has been lifted. When they exit the shelter, the clouds remain but there's enough sun peeking through to create a rainbow, which Nien gleefully points out, arm still intertwined with Seoyeon's.

They're sent home early considering the state of the beach, and Seoyeon drives Nien home as usual. If the ride is a little quieter than normal, Nien thankfully doesn't comment on it.

In Xinyu's driveway they say goodbye they way they always do, and she's almost free to wallow in whatever this weird feeling is for the weekend before Nien suddenly gasps, hand still on the door handle. "Wait, I'm still wearing your sweatshirt! What should I do with it?"

"Um, just hold onto it for now," Seoyeon answers, pointedly not looking at the garment— her sweatshirt, with the name of her school branded in unmistakable lettering across Nien's chest. She can't look for too long, because every time she does, that strange feeling in her stomach flairs up again. "You can wash it and bring it back next week."

Nien agrees, then says goodbye, sending another bright smile her way before she goes, and Seoyeon wonders if she should've worried more about her own health, because her head is swimmy, feeling heavy the way it does right before she gets sick.

Yeah, I'm definitely coming down with something.

Since that day in the storm shelter, something unusual has been happening to Seoyeon. Every time she's with Nien, she just feels so much more aware— of herself, and her actions and reactions, and especially of Nien. Every time Nien flirts with her, she finds herself filled with something she can't name, somewhere between dread and enjoyment. In the same way that excitement and anxiety both feel like uncontrollable energy in the pit of her stomach, Seoyeon can't tell what exactly is going on with her. All she knows is that the same flirting that she used to shrug off with an eye roll is now lingering, getting under her skin and staying in her brain every time the idle words leave Nien's mouth.

She manages to keep it under control for a little while, doing her best to push the feeling down deeper and deeper, but eventually, something breaks through Seoyeon's tightly controlled veneer of nonchalance.

It goes like this: they're in her car, taking their break as usual— she doesn't even remember what she says to prompt it, but Nien, obviously joking, asks, "Are you flirting with me?"

And instead of laughing or rolling her eyes like she normally would— like she's supposed to— Seoyeon goes silent, barely managing a tight-lipped smile. She feels heat prickling against the back of her neck, and the tips of her ears, and she can only hope it doesn't show on her cheeks. She still hasn't been able to figure out why Nien's flirting has been affecting her so much, or why now. It's not like it means anything— Nien simply enjoys getting a reaction out of her when she can.

In the passenger seat, Nien doesn't immediately pick up on the fact that she's struck a nerve, so she keeps going with the bit. "And flirting on the job, too? Careful, I might report you to HR."

Seoyeon doesn't say anything, instead staring down at the bubbles clinging to the sides of her water bottle.

At her silence, Nien seems to realize Seoyeon's discomfort at once, and gets more serious than Seoyeon has ever seen her. "Hey, I was just kidding, you know? I wouldn't report you."

Seoyeon shakes her head, watching a lone bubble break off the curved walls and float to the surface. "I know."

Nien gets quiet, too, for a minute, staring out the windshield at their slice of the massive body of water in front of them. From her place across from Nien, Seoyeon silently listens to the sounds of the waves, and distant sounds of children screaming and laughing, already knowing what's behind her without having to see it.

Just as the silence stretches long enough to feel heavy, Nien speaks up, tone pensive in a way that's wholly unfamiliar to Seoyeon. "Sometimes I take it too far. With the joking, I mean. So if I ever make you uncomfortable, you— I want you to tell me, okay?"

"I'm not uncomfortable, Nien."

"Well, I'm glad," Nien says, not fully believing her. "But if the flirting gets to be too much, or if I ever make a joke that isn't— it won't hurt my feelings if you tell me to shut up. I mean that."

I don't think I want it to stop, which is part of the problem.

And then Nien tacks on something that makes her feel like she can't breathe, like that time in her childhood when her cousin held her down and rubbed her face in the sand: "I'm just kidding most of the time, you know?"

That's the other part of the problem, because, maybe Seoyeon doesn't want it to be a joke. But that thought brings up a whole host of additional problems that sort of make Seoyeon feel like her throat is closing in on itself, so she wills herself to push it all down no matter how bad it feels. She swallows hard, then takes a page out of Nien's book and puts on the best smile she can manage, grinning like nothing is wrong.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, I didn't think you actually meant any of that."

She laughs, really selling how much she doesn't care, and after a beat Nien joins in, and Seoyeon is so relieved because—

Because as long as Nien is laughing, then everything is normal, and if everything is normal, then maybe it means she won't feel this way forever.

And things are okay for another few days, until one day when Nien arrives to the concession stand with a tight smile, the first sign something is amiss. When they get to Seoyeon's car, Nien is quieter than usual, laughter all but nonexistent, which immediately sets off alarm bells in her head. Nien also doesn't finish her sundae, pushing it around with her spoon as the ice cream melts and swirls in on itself, and that's when Seoyeon has to ask, "What's wrong? Why are you so quiet?"

"It's just—" Nien stops herself, and for a split second, Seoyeon is terrified to hear what Nien is about to say, thinking that maybe the girl has figured her out, even though she hasn't entirely figured herself out yet. "After work today, could you— are you— if you're not busy— would it be possible—"

"Spit it out, Nien."

"Um, Xinyu and Sohyun aren't going to be back home until late tonight, so I was wondering if you'd want to stay with me at Xinyu's house for a bit after you drop me off? Just until they're back. A few hours at most."

That's it? Seoyeon releases the breath she'd been holding. Until this point, she's never really seen Nien scared or nervous about— well, anything, really—always sort of taking her for the kind of person that doesn't have typical fears. Maybe she read her wrong. "Are you afraid of ghosts or something?"

Seoyeon should really leave the joking around to Nien, because her attempt at lightening the mood seems to have the opposite effect as Nien shakes her head solemnly, voice uncharacteristically small when she answers, "I just don't like being alone."

The car gets quiet again, the only sounds being the white noise of the air conditioning and the steady hum of the engine. Nien, lost in her thoughts, stares out at the water as the waves roll in routinely over the sand. "Ever since I was a kid, I always hated the feeling of being all by myself. Since I don't have any siblings, I always tried to figure out ways not to be lonely, but sometimes you don't have a choice. If I can help it, I'd rather be around somebody else."

An image flashes in Seoyeon's head of a younger Nien in bed, wringing her hands with anxiety. Then another image, this time of present-day Nien, nervously pacing around that big, empty house waiting for her friends to come home. Seoyeon's answer comes easily, "Of course I'll stay with you."

"Really?!" Nien's face lights up, and Seoyeon is glad to see that cheerful smile back on the girl's face. "You're the best, Seoyeon."

Then Nien pulls her into a hug, arms going around her shoulders and for a second, Seoyeon freezes, still not entirely over that weird Nien-induced hyper-awareness she's been feeling. The angle they're sitting at isn't ideal for a hug, sitting opposite each other in a car, but Seoyeon slips her arms around Nien's waist as much as she can. In Nien's embrace, she rests her head against the other girl's shoulder and tries not to fixate on the feeling of warm hands against her back. Hopefully Nien can't hear the racing of Seoyeon's heartbeat, which seems to suddenly be the loudest thing in the car.

When she steps through the front door of Xinyu's house after work, it's exactly the way she remembers it: massive and a little cold. The word 'cavernous' comes to mind. No wonder Nien doesn't want to be here alone.

"There's not a lot to do here, but we can watch a movie or TV or something so you're not just sitting around bored out of your mind," Nien says, leading her into the kitchen. I don't know if I could ever be bored with you, Seoyeon thinks, but she doesn't say it out loud.

In the kitchen, Nien opens the door to the pantry, which seems to contain every snack ever made. "Take anything you want, Xinyu doesn't care."

In the face of nearly unlimited options, Seoyeon goes for the incredibly basic choice of plain chips. Nien grabs a snack of her own, then adds, "I'll cook you actual food for dinner later, though. You're probably hungry after eating nothing but ice cream all day."

Seoyeon thinks of telling her the truth— that she could eat ice cream all day, every day, and be perfectly content with that diet, but she knows health-conscious Nien probably won't love that answer. Anyway, the moment passes when Nien leads her into the living room, flopping down on the giant sofa and reaching for the remote.

Even though the couch is huge, more than enough space that they could lay down and still not be touching, Seoyeon chooses to sit right next to Nien. The whole point of being here is for her to not feel lonely, right? I should sit close to her, obviously. 

"What do you want to watch?" Nien asks, clicking through one of the numerous streaming services on the TV. Through a bite of chips, Seoyeon responds with a noncommittal noise meant to convey 'I don't care'.

Nien gets the point, humming in thought. "How about a horror movie? It's still light outside so it won't be too scary."

If there's one thing Seoyeon knows about herself, it's that she is not good with horror. Yet for some reason, she doesn't immediately say no. Maybe it's because of the look on Nien's face, repeatedly sneaking glances at one of the movie posters on screen with poorly-concealed interest. Seoyeon can tell that Nien wants to watch it, but she also knows that the girl would never pressure her into anything she didn't also want.

Taking a breath, Seoyeon decides that she can be brave if it's for Nien's sake. "Sure, put on whatever you want. I'll watch anything."

The 'whatever you want' Nien was eyeing ends up being a slasher movie that Seoyeon doesn't catch the name of. As the movie starts, she tries to be strong, she really does. The first thirty minutes aren't too bad, nothing scarier than an occasional ominous sound effect. Nien, seated to her right, is giving no indication that she's even a little bit frightened. In fact, she has the gall to scoff whenever the music gets a little spookier, then chuckles every time the killer pops up on screen, finding the whole thing completely unrealistic. For a while, Nien's laughing had actually eased her anxiety a bit, demystifying some of the scariness. (It helps that the sound of the girl's laughter also happens to be something Seoyeon greatly enjoys hearing.) Now, though, almost an hour in, the movie has ramped up into heavy suspense and full gore, and Seoyeon doesn't know how much tighter she can close her eyes before she accidentally blinds herself.

Bang!

A loud jump scare on the screen leaves her cowering and desperate for something to hold onto to comfort herself. She finds it in the thing closest to her: Nien's strong arm. At the moment, she's entirely too scared to be embarrassed or to overthink touching the girl, and she presses her head against Nien's shoulder to block her vision instead of continuing to painfully squeeze her eyes shut.

Nien gently frees her arm from Seoyeon's grip, and Seoyeon's anxiety skyrockets for a second. Don't leave me.

She relaxes when she realizes the girl is just moving the sturdy limb around her shoulders instead, a motion that ends with Nien pulling her what feels impossibly closer. Out of her continual need to hold onto something, Seoyeon's arms go to Nien's waist, practically clinging to her now, face still buried in the girl's shoulder. Nien's arms are warm and strong around her, hand rubbing soothing circles against her shoulder. As Seoyeon's heart races, she tells herself it's only from the fear of the movie.

"Don't worry, Seoyeon," Nien whispers against her hair, just loud enough to be heard over the foreboding sounds coming through the speakers. "I'll protect you."

Seoyeon doesn't know how much time passes after that, feeling more relaxed in Nien's protective embrace and the darkness of her covered eyes. The next thing she knows, she's being gently woken up by a hand on her shoulder. When she gains some wakefulness, she takes in the scene she's in: Nien, standing above her, the house quiet, and the television off.

"I made dinner," Nien says, voice low so as not to hurt Seoyeon's ears while she's still waking up. "Braised chicken and broccoli."

Seoyeon blinks away the sleep from eyes, crossing into majority lucidity, "I fell asleep?"

"Yeah, I was gonna wake you up earlier so I had someone to talk to while I cooked, but you looked so peaceful I thought I should just leave you alone."

"What about your— weren't you lonely?"

"You're here, aren't you? Don't worry, it's barely been an hour. I survived," Nien says. Seoyeon looks out the window and sees that the sun is only just beginning to set. "But I am getting hungry, so come eat with me."

So they eat dinner together— the dinner Nien cooked and plated and set out for her, two meals next to each other on matching placemats. Seated next to the girl, laughing between bites of chicken, Seoyeon's heart feels warm, all the horror-induced anxiety from earlier forgotten.

After they're finished eating, they go back to the couch and watch something lighthearted this time. If they find themselves linking arms again, they can blame it on the residual fear of the movie. Or if Seoyeon's head happens to come to rest against Nien's shoulder, she can blame it on the hearty, home-cooked meal making her full and sleepy.

Of course, their moment of pretend-domesticity doesn't last forever. The sound of the front door opening makes her sit up on instinct, getting dizzy from how quickly her head leaves Nien's shoulder.

"Nien~ We're home!" calls a voice from the front, already-high tone going higher on the second syllable of the name. Though the voice is slightly different than Seoyeon remembers, she knows right away that it's Xinyu.

"We're in the living room!" Nien calls back, gently untangling herself from Seoyeon's side. Immediately, she misses the feeling of the warm body pressed against hers.

"Which one?" The voice asks, sounding audibly closer.

"The main one!"

A few seconds later, the girl is entering, making a beeline for the couch so she can wrap Nien in a hug that looks more like she's being tackled. Nien looks small in the hold, the other girl's long legs stretching past Nien's. "My baby, I missed you."

Nien laughs then clears her throat, tapping the taller girl's shoulder to get her to sit up and let her breathe. "Xinyu, say hi to our guest. You remember Seoyeon, right?"

At that, the girl turns to her as if noticing her presence for the first time, like she'd had Nien-induced tunnel vision until now. Seoyeon isn't entirely unfamiliar with the phenomenon.

"Oh shit, you got hot. I mean Nien told us you were, but," Xinyu laughs, to which Nien sends her a glare that does nothing.

"Good to see you again, Xinyu. You, uh, also look good," Seoyeon says, trying hard not to let her brain latch onto the second half of what the other girl said. Xinyu was already one of the prettiest girls in their high school, but she's even more gorgeous now, to the point that it's actually a little ridiculous. In the midst of trying to process Xinyu's beauty, Seoyeon remembers her manners, kind of, "Thanks for letting me eat your food."

Xinyu giggles, shaking her head, "I should be thanking you for taking care of our baby. She's got a little bit of separation anxiety."

Nien hits her shoulder. "Hey, you're not the one to talk about separation anxiety. You're worse than me." Then Nien turns to her, "But, yeah, thank you, Seoyeon."

Seoyeon doesn't get a chance to respond before another girl is walking through the doorway Xinyu had entered from, and Seoyeon figures this must be the Sohyun she'd heard about. All three of them are this attractive? What the hell are they putting in the Loyola water?

Sohyun takes in the sight of the two girls half-sitting-up, half-tangled in each other and the stranger seated politely next to them. 

Even though Seoyeon has already deduced the girl’s identity, Nien still introduces the newcomer, "This is Sohyun, our resident responsible adult. She's the one that keeps us from burning the house down."

Seoyeon puts a hand up in greeting. "I'm Seoyeon, Nien's friend," she says, the word tasting weirdly sharp in her mouth. "Nice to meet you."

"You too, Nien's told us a lot about you," Sohyun says, sending her a kind smile before turning toward the other girl. "Nien, can you help me carry in the rest of the bags from the car?"

"Of course," Nien nods, fully disengaging herself from Xinyu and jumping off the couch like the dutiful puppy she is. Nien speaks to both of them, but she's only looking at Seoyeon as she says, "I'll be right back."

Now that it's just them, Xinyu pounces on her with questions. "Seoyeon Yoon, how are you? How's life? Nien told me you go to Northwestern, I can't believe we're so close and we haven't run into each other!"

They're so similar. Nien said the exact same thing, Seoyeon thinks. They talk a bit about school, and the city (even though Seoyeon's university is just outside city limits, technically), and about how the summer's going.

"How's work? Hopefully your ears haven't fallen off from all Nien's flirting," Xinyu says, smiling, and it's clearly a joke but something shifts uncomfortably in Seoyeon's stomach because— how does Xinyu know? There's something familiar in Xinyu's tone, like this happens all the time, like Nien flirts with every girl she meets. Well, Nien had basically told her as much, but Seoyeon assumed (or hoped) she might've been exaggerating. But now Xinyu's words are dangerously similar to a confirmation; The thought of Nien flirting with girls— girls she doesn't even know— leaves Seoyeon's mouth feeling dry, and she doesn't realize she's biting the inside of her cheek until she tastes the metallic sting of blood on her tongue. 

Unluckily for her, that's the moment Nien reappears with Sohyun. When Seoyeon sees her, the only thing she can think of is the image of Nien talking to a bunch of blushing and giggling girls, all falling over themselves at momentarily having Nien's attention.

She knows exactly how it feels, how Nien is filled with endless charm— how Nien is capable of listening to someone and making them feel heard, talking to them like they're the only person in the world in her eyes.

"Are you gonna be safe to drive at this hour? You can sleep over if you want," Nien offers, and the question breaks her out of whatever spell she was under just now. The girl is so casually caring that it makes Seoyeon's chest hurt. Maybe on another day she'd consider the offer, but she feels… weird right now, like she's upset at Nien for nothing. She has no right to be hurt, or whatever this feeling is— she knows that; Because it doesn't matter if Nien talks to other girls, it's not like they owe each other anything. Not like— not like they're dating, or anything.

"You don't need to worry about me," Seoyeon says, and it's not a rejection, it's just the truth: Seoyeon knows these roads like the back of her hand. "I'll be fine."

"I trust you,” Nien says, putting out a hand for her to take. ‘Still, let me walk you out to your car."

The walk is short enough that Nien doesn't have a chance to pick up Seoyeon's weird mood, thankfully. As Seoyeon opens the door to her car, ready to say goodbye for the night (she'll deal with whatever this feeling is when she gets back to her own house), Nien gently places a hand on her wrist to stop her from leaving.

"Wait, Seoyeon, before you go, I wanted to ask," Nien starts, bouncing a little on her heels like she's nervous to hear the answer. "Do you already have plans for the Fourth of July?"

Seoyeon shakes her head. "My friends invited me to a party, but it's in the city and I don't want to have to drive through all the holiday traffic."

"Wanna hang out with us? We're gonna drive to the beach— our beach— and get drunk and watch the fireworks."

The phrase our beach echoes inside Seoyeon's skull so strongly that she almost completely forgets to respond, but Nien is looking at her expecting an answer, so she quickly comes to her senses. "Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like fun. I'd love to come along."

"Great!" Nien's smile widens, then pulls Seoyeon into a hug, speaking against the side of her neck. "I really appreciate you doing this for me, Seoyeon. Staying over, I mean. I'm— just, thank you, seriously."

Seoyeon shakes her head, speaking over the sound of her heart beating in her ears. "It was no problem. I had fun. With— with you." 

Nien breaks the hug then, mouth turned down into a little concerned pout. "Promise me you'll get home safe?"

All Seoyeon can do is nod, trying not to look at the other girl's lips. "I promise."

After a second of hesitation, Nien comes closer, moves her face close enough to Seoyeon's to lean down and place those same lips against the shorter girl's cheek. The heat that Seoyeon feels under her skin— originating in the place Nien had made contact and spreading all the way to her ears— is instantaneous.

Nien smiles warmly, as if she hasn't just turned the girl into a blushing mess. "See you tomorrow, Seoyeon."

That's when Nien lets her go, waving goodbye and leaving Seoyeon with a racing heat and knees that feel a little too much like jelly to drive. All she can do is sit in the car then, willing herself to calm down, telling herself that this— all of this— is nothing.

Seoyeon can still feel the feeling of soft lips against her cheek as she pulls out of the driveway, feeling staying with her even when gets home and slips under the covers of her own bed.

It's nothing, it's nothing, it's nothing.

Despite the fact that she's not scheduled, her boss practically begs her to pick up shifts to work the entire 4th of July weekend. She agrees to come in only so she can see Nien, who's also taken up extra weekend shifts.

On the 4th, the beach is overwhelmingly busy all day, just as she knew it would be. It's perfect weather, and a holiday, and a Saturday, and their beach is one of the only ones with free admission, so naturally the entire town has decided this is the place to be. It's so packed that throughout the entire six hours of her shift there's not more than a few minutes she doesn't have customers to serve. When she looks at the water, it's also packed, the sight of all the swimmers crowded together in the same space making Seoyeon feel claustrophobic even from a distance.

All of this to say: she doesn't see Nien once the entire day. Like Seoyeon, the girl was probably so busy that she didn't have a chance to take a break at all, let alone for twenty minutes. (It's technically not legal for them to go a full shift without a break, but neither is working on a federal holiday. Whatever, Seoyeon thinks. Her desire to hang out with Nien momentarily outweighs her regard for labor laws.)

3:00 PM rolls around, finally, and she practically sprints to her car to meet up with Nien and go home. In the parking lot, Nien is already there, leaning against the passenger side door and looking just as exhausted as Seoyeon feels. When she sees Seoyeon approaching, Nien steps toward her and dramatically pretends to collapse into the shorter girl's arms. Somehow, amidst the joking, it turns into an actual hug, Seoyeon's arms around Nien's shoulders. Nien smells like sunscreen and lake water and a little like sweat, and Seoyeon feels the hum of the girl's voice against her bicep as she mumbles, "What a long fucking day. Thank god that's over."

Seoyeon laughs in agreement, fondly tapping her shoulder, and they break apart. "Let's go home."

The fireworks won't start until it gets darker, closer to 8:00 PM, so they decide that after Nien gets dropped off at Xinyu's, they'll go their separate ways for a while before Sohyun and the other two swing back later in the evening to pick Seoyeon up from her parents' house.

In the short span of a few hours spent at her own house, Seoyeon takes a much needed shower and brief nap, then spends entirely too long thinking about what to wear during her outing later. It's just Nien and her friends. Why am I thinking so hard about this?

Eventually, she settles on a basic t-shirt and shorts, and before she knows it she's hearing the honk of a horn from the driveway. Outside, she's met with the sight of a red convertible with its top already down: Sohyun is driving with Xinyu in the passenger seat, and in the backseat is Nien, arm reaching in the air to wave at her.

"Seoyeonie!" Nien's words are a little slurred, and her big eyes are tinged with pink, and as soon as Seoyeon gets into the car, she's wrapped in a warm hug, Nien's strong arms slinking themselves around her waist.

"You're already drunk?" Seoyeon asks against Nien's shoulder.

Sohyun answers instead, "They went a little crazy with the pregaming. You're welcome to have a beer, if you want one."

She hadn't planned on drinking until closer to the start of the fireworks, but Nien's arm stays linked with hers even after they've broken apart from the hug and she quickly realizes she'll need something to prevent her brain from obsessing over the feeling of the girl's body against hers.

Seoyeon nods, and Xinyu passes her one from the front. The minute the bitter liquid hits her tongue, she says a little mental prayer that the alcohol takes effect quickly. Save me.

By the time they get to the beach, she's already finished with her first beer, opening a second as soon as they park on the edge of the sand. The sun is in the last few minutes of setting, and it's one of Seoyeon's favorite sights; Even though things have been a little different around Nien lately (entirely one-sidedly due to Seoyeon's internal whatever this is), she's glad she's watching the sight with the girl. No amount of occasional chest pain or throat tightening or anything else could ever stop Nien from being good company.

The four of them cycle through banter and warm conversations as they wait for the fireworks to start— though, really, most of the jokes are between Xinyu and Nien, who seem to have a relationship built on a lot of teasing each other, some ragebaiting, and a bit of lighthearted flirting. Whenever the latter occurs, Sohyun reacts by not reacting, sitting stone-faced as Nien puts a hand against Xinyu's jaw and jokes about "liking older women". (Seoyeon bites the inside of her own cheek at this.)

While they're on the topic of age, it somehow comes up that Seoyeon is still twenty, and the three of them (Nien most of all, despite only having just turned twenty-one herself) act like they're in the presence of the youngest person alive.

"Are you even allowed to have that?" Xinyu asks, pointing to the beer in her hand, which may as well be water with how little it's impacting her. Curse this stupid high alcohol tolerance.

"Oh god, I'm going to jail for supplying alcohol to a minor," Sohyun says to herself, head in her hands.

"Nobody actually cares about the legal drinking age around here," Seoyeon defends herself, pouting. "And I'm not a minor."

"Only twenty," Nien says wistfully, putting on a voice like she's some wise old sage. "What a baby."

"Hey, don't act like you weren't twenty—" Seoyeon quickly calculates the time since Nien's birthday last month, "—thirty three days ago."

Nien's ears seem to perk up at that, tone laced with a mixture of surprise and sincerity when she asks, "You remembered my birthday?"

Seoyeon hadn't thought much about remembering it— she just had— but the fact that Nien points out that she remembered makes her feel like maybe it's weird that she had. They're friends, yeah, (her mouth tastes funny again. It's probably just the alcohol.) but maybe it's too intimate to have held onto the information and kept it in her brain. She opens her mouth, not entirely sure what to say, but there must be a God after all, because she's saved from responding by the first fireworks bursting high in the sky in front of them.

"Wait, when's your birthday?" Nien asks, trying to look at both Seoyeon and the fireworks at once.

For some reason, Seoyeon doesn't feel like telling her. Maybe she doesn't want to risk the possible heartbreak of Nien not remembering the day when it comes next month. "It's not fun if you know everything. Remember that?"

"Oh come on, that was so long ago," Nien scoffs, rolling her eyes, and she has to raise her voice to be heard over the sound of the fireworks now. "Let's talk about this again when I'm less— when I'm fully sober. I won't forget about this, Seoyeon Yoon."

At the end, Nien makes her tone jokingly-serious, and Seoyeon pushes her shoulder with a laugh. The fireworks ramp up in intensity, and the point of them being here is to watch, so Nien has no choice but to take her eyes off Seoyeon and turn her gaze to the sky.

Seoyeon figures she should do the same, looking up at the sequence of small explosions coloring the sky. Though this is far from her favorite holiday (that honor goes unequivocally to Christmas), she's loved watching the fireworks ever since she was a child; Some of the awe has worn off now that she's older, but she can still appreciate their beauty. There's a particularly impressive burst, filling the sky with bright blue light, and from the side she hears a quiet, "Wow…"

She turns her head to look at the girl beside her, knees still touching, and for a second, the entire world around them ceases to exist because Nien is fucking radiant. She's got that familiar, blinding smile on, and her face is openly filled with wonder, achingly beautiful as she glows red then green then blue in the reflection of the fireworks. Seoyeon's chest feels like it's going to explode if she keeps looking at her because, because, because— this is the moment she can't run from it anymore.

I like you.

I like you.

For about half a second, Seoyeon is filled with relief. Relief at admitting it to herself, finally, finally. That half-second feels euphoric, like she might float away, and then— Then, reality catches up to her just as fast, and Seoyeon's heart sinks because, sure, Nien flirts and makes jokes about dating her, but it doesn't mean anything. Nien is joking. Nien is always joking; She'd made it clear the minute they met that she was passing time, looking to fill her days with anything to beat the boredom, and that happened to be bothering the nearest coworker, who just happened to be Seoyeon. If she meant it at all, she would have already asked Seoyeon out on a date properly, not as a joke or part of her habit of flirting solely for her own amusement.

The fireworks keep going and Seoyeon's mouth feels like it's filled with sand, watching that beautiful open smile on the mouth of the girl that can't be hers.

Her heart thuds along with the explosions in the sky, vibrations rattling her chest, and that's when Nien turns to her, still beaming. "Aren't the fireworks pretty?"

"Yeah. Beautiful." Seoyeon can't make eye contact, staring instead at Nien's lips, which only makes her heartache even worse because— I want to kiss her, but it won't mean anything. Just another joke.

Nien's smile gets impossibly bigger, and she reaches over to give Seoyeon's hand a little squeeze like the good friend she is. Seoyeon can barely hear over the sound of her own pulse hammering in her ears, seeming louder than the fireworks, and she has to watch the movement of Nien's lips to fully catch what she says when she speaks, "I'm glad you're here with us. I always have more fun when you're around."

The fireworks ramp up into their final act, the grand finale, bursts of color so loud and so frequent it's overwhelming. For a split second, everything is too much, and she feels like she's going to break into tears like a little kid. Instead, she clenches her jaw so hard she thinks she might crack a tooth, then makes the decision right then and there: Seoyeon will swallow down this feeling completely. Because if she doesn't, Nien will know. Nien will know that none of it feels like a joke to her, hasn't for a while, and if Nien knows, it'll make everything weird, and then Nien will stop coming to see her every shift and they won't be able to spend those blessed twenty-closer-to-thirty minutes together laughing in the cool air of Seoyeon's car, and the thought of not being able to see the girl at all feels much, much worse than the reality of Nien not returning her feelings.

Suddenly Seoyeon feels seasick, overwhelmed with yearning for the girl next to her. If she stays looking at Nien and those perfect lips and her dazzling smile and her kind eyes, she might do something she can't take back. As the fireworks come to a merciful end, Seoyeon clears her aching throat.

"Sohyun, can you drive me home? It's getting late and I have work tomorrow."

"Yeah, no problem. It'll give these two a reason to quit drinking, too," Sohyun says, pointedly looking between both of them, and Nien downs the rest of her beer like it's about to be taken from her. "I don't want to have to clean up any vomit tonight."

"Before we go," Xinyu starts, voice slow and a little raspy, though not as slurred as Nien's, "I forgot to mention it earlier, but I'm throwing a party in a couple weeks. You have to come."

Beside her, Nien lights up, grabbing Seoyeon's arm and shaking it in her excitement, "Yeah, you have to! We can get drunk again, and you can meet Mayu and Yooyeon!"

Seoyeon has no idea who those people are, which Sohyun picks up on, "They're our friends from college. And it's not a party, it's a get together," Sohyun directs that last line to Xinyu, then turns back to Seoyeon, "But you should still come."

After her big capital-r Realization earlier, getting drunk around Nien and her perpetually-jokey friends sounds like a recipe for complete disaster, but even now she can't deny herself the opportunity to spend time with Nien. "I'll be there."

Nien and Xinyu give little cheers, then Nien squeezes her hand a bit tighter and bumps their knees together. Sohyun starts the car, and the ride home feels both too short and agonizingly long, Nien's fingers laced with hers, laughing as the wind blows their hair in every direction. All of a sudden they're in front of Seoyeon's parents' house, and Nien insists on walking her to the door to say goodbye even though she can barely walk in a straight line. Stupidly, the fact that Nien finds it in her to be so caring even through her inebriation makes Seoyeon's stomach flip.

In front of the door, under the orange-yellow glow of the porch lights, Nien just looks at her, dark eyes quietly scanning her entire face. When Seoyeon realizes that Nien's gaze is on her lips, her breath hitches, whole body feeling so tense she can't move. It seems to stretch on for eternity but it can't be more than a few seconds before Nien blinks, hard, and gives a little cough that seems to break both of them out of the spell. The moment is over as soon as it started, and Seoyeon feels jittery from the adrenaline still lingering in her system despite nothing happening.

Nien is different, too, giving her a pat on the shoulder instead of the hug she's expecting, before giving an abnormally quick sendoff. "Bye, Seoyeonie! See you tomorrow!"

"Yeah, uh, see you tomorrow," Seoyeon responds, feeling more than a little dazed. What was that? And no hug, either.

And then, Nien is back in the car and it's pulling out of the driveway and Seoyeon's gaze follows the retreating form of the girl in the backseat, eyes staying in place even after the car has driven too far away to see.

Seoyeon leans back against the siding of the house, using the solid wall in an attempt to steady herself, heart still racing even though Nien is long gone.

I am so screwed.