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Special Week clapped her hands together in the center of the main hall. “Everyone, CALM. DOWN.”
“You’re not my trainer,” Tokai Teio said.
“Nor mine,” McQueen huffed.
“Or my jockey,” Gold Ship added.
“Special Week stole my jockey,” Silence Suzuka said with a pointed glare.
“Silence Suzuka, you were literally—” Special Week broke off.
“What.”
“You know.”
“No, say it.”
“I’m not playing word games with a chestnut.”
“I’m not playing with a bottle-fed foal.”
“Look, they put me in charge—”
“Why are you in charge?” Teio asked.
“—because I’m a beloved hero from the countryside who captured the hearts of the nation—”
“So was Oguri Cap.” Gold Ship said.
Special Week stamped her foot. “I AM PRETTY DERBY.”
“I gotta admit, Supreme Commander’s a pretty cool title,” Tokai Teio said.
“Thank you, Tokai Teio.”
“I mean not as cool as the Miracle H—” Tokai Teio frowned. “H—” “H—” “Why can’t I say ‘H—’?”
“‘H—’?” Gold Ship asked. “Huh. H—”
“It’s ‘Umamusume’ now,” Special Week said. “We’re Umamusume. Umas. The humans have made us anime girls.”
“And why have we been made anime girls,” Mejiro McQueen spoke up. “I much preferred my old form.”
“Yeah, you’re tiny, Mejiro McQueen!” Tokai Teio said. “I remember you were, like, SUPER muscular. Why are you so small?”
“That is why I am asking,” she ground out.
“Testy,” Silence Suzuka noted. “Maybe the smallness is a nod to the Mejiro line. Which died.”
Mejiro McQueen turned toward her. “Oh, Silence Suzuka, you of all h— Umas wish to discuss things that—”
“ENOUGH.” Special Week shouted. “Mejiro McQueen, Silence Suzuka—actually, first of all, we should use nicknames. Saying our full names is a mouthful.”
“I fail to see the issue. Calling me ‘McQueen’ deprives me of the Mejiro name and was never a problem before.”
“We didn’t have conversations before.”
“Hm, speak for yourself.” McQueen tilted her chin. “Tokai Teio and I had many conversations at the farm.”
“Yup!” Teio said. Then, frowned. “But you always preferred Sunday Silence.”
“She was good company.”
“And I wasn’t?”
“Back on topic,” Spe urged. “We’ve clearly been brought here to—”
“NEIGHHH.”
“—Gold Ship. Why.”
Gold Ship shrugged. “I wanted to see if Umamusume can whinny. We can’t.”
“Truly, a valuable contribution to the bloodline,” McQueen remarked.
“I earned more than you, pops.”
“Not when adjusted for inflation, you—”
POOF
There was a flash of red.
“BEHOLD! IT IS I, EL CONDOR PASA.”
Everyone groaned.
“Timeform rating 136, your superior has arrived! Best of the century, the exotic foreign import, the number one Japanese raceh— h—” she frowned. “Why can’t I say the word h—?”
“Maybe your ego drowned it in the mud at Longchamp,” Suzuka suggested.
“Silence Suzuka!” El turned to her. “How’s the leg?”
“How’s the Mainichi Okan?”
“How’s the Tenno Sho?”
“How’s colic.”
“Guys, please,” Special Week stepped between them. “We’re anime girls now. We need to act the part. No arguing, no jockeying, no dominance displays.”
“Wow,” Teio whispered to McQueen. “Guess they never really developed personalities since they both were pretty young when they—”
She paused as Suzuka and El were both glaring daggers at her.
“—had... their... retirement?” Teio finished with a weak smile.
“We’re faster than you,” they said, simultaneously.
“Maybe. But I’m the Miracle!” Teio said.
“Yeah, that’s true,” El said. “You can’t make a torta de huevo without cracking a leg. Or four.” She paused. “Huh. Why do I feel the urge to speak Spanish?”
“Hello, everyone.”
Everyone turned at the sound of the new voice. Another Umamusume had appeared, the sound masked by the argument.
“Grass Wonder! Good to see another familiar face. Other than her,” El said, jerking a thumb at Suzuka.
“I beat both of you at the Mainichi Okan.”
“Hello, Silence Suzuka,” Grass said warmly. “How’s the leg?”
“...Bite my—”
“PERVERT!” Special Week shrieked, pointing at Grass.
Everyone stared at her.
“Perverted chestnut!”
Grass blinked. “Special Week, I have no idea what you’re—”
“2014. Reunion. Event,” Spe hissed.
“Ah. That.” Grass’s cheeks were red. “There was a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?” Teio asked.
“There was no misunderstanding! She came at me with her— her— her Wonder out!” Spe yelled.
“Srrrk.“ Gold Ship laughed behind a closed fist. “Grass’s Wonder.”
“Please, Special Week, I think you’re over-reacting,” McQueen said. “Teio did the same and I take no umbrage with it.”
“Teio isn’t a CHESTNUT!”
“Oh.” Teio blinked. “So you’d be okay with seeing my—”
“NO!”
“So, these are the dorms, where we sleep. The Umamusume equivalent of stables.”
Special Week was leading the group on a tour of their new home, Tracen Academy. The group had naturally stratified behind her: Teio and McQueen walking together, Gold Ship needling McQueen, El and Grass behind them, and Suzuka off to the side.
Spe slowed and everyone stopped as they heard muffled voices coming from a nearby room. “Huh, I guess some Umamusume already moved in.”
She angled her ears toward the door:
“Daiwa Scarlet.”
“Vodka.”
“It’s... been a while.”
“Y-Yeah.” The voice cracked. “It has.”
“Miss me?”
“Dummy. I still haven’t forgiven you for the Tenno.”
“Two centimeters, right?”
“Don’t ask when you already know.”
“Heh. Sorry.”
“You should be sorry for leaving me so early. What kind of rival does that?”
“Scarlet... I didn’t exactly choose to—”
“Shut up. Don’t talk to me.”
There was a moment of silence.
WHUMP. THUMP.
“Oh great, are they fighting too?” Spe groaned. “Seriously, every one of you is so—” she cracked open the door and froze.
Spe slammed the door shut.
“Were they fighting?” Teio asked.
“Nope.”
“What are they doing?” McQueen asked.
“Nope.”
“That’s not an—”
“Nope.” Spe continued walking down the hallway. “I don’t get paid enough to deal with you Umas. Actually, I don’t get paid at all.”
At the cafeteria, Special Week tried to forcibly get through the orientation while the rest of the group devoured a feast on the table in front of them.
“This is so GOOD!” Teio cheered.
“Excellent.” McQueen agreed.
“It’s much better than hay,” Grass Wonder said. “Mmm. Much better.”
“Watch it, Grass Hunger,” Gold Ship said with a grin. “We don’t want you to eat too much here too and get— ACK!”
Gold Ship ducked as a bread roll went sailing over her head. “Foul! Objection!”
“This isn’t a race,” Grass said with a smile. “There are no stewards to object to.”
“In that case...” Gold Ship sat back up, loading a spoon with mashed potatoes and bending it backward like a catapult.
It snapped.
The broken top half tinked off the floor, the potatoes splatting beside it.
“...Guess we kept our strength, huh?” Gold Ship said.
“—And, in addition to races and idol concerts,” Spe continued speaking, ignoring the current events with remarkable focus, “we will attend classes.”
“Classes?!” El Condor Pasa said. “Hah! Maybe you need them. I am already the most brilliant tactician on the racetrack—”
“What’s two plus two?” Spe asked.
El frowned. “Two... plus...”
She trailed off, brow furrowed.
“Yeah, didn’t learn a whole lot of math on the backstretch, did you, El?”
“I failed gate school!” Gold Ship volunteered.
“Okay, okay.” El shook her head. “Wait. El? That’s what you want to call me? You realize that just means—”
“Oooh, are we doing five-thousand yen rebrands?” Gold Ship asked. “I wanna be called Golshi!”
“I want her to be called not-my-granddaughter,” McQueen said.
“Y-You...” Gold Ship looked at her, betrayed. “You don’t want me...” she trailed off, eyes welling with tears.
McQueen was taken aback. “I— I just meant—”
“I— sniff I won a lotta races!” Gold Ship wailed. “I wanted to be like you!”
“I didn’t mean—” McQueen’s ears went flat. “You are a formidable Umamusume! Your record is quite excellent—”
“Hah! Gotcha!” Gold Ship cheered. She resumed stuffing her face with yakisoba.
“Y-You!” McQueen huffed.
“She got ya there, McQueen,” Teio said with a grin.
“...We get to race again,” Suzuka said, looking down and poking at her food with a spoon.
Everyone looked at her.
“...That will be nice.”
The group fell silent as they considered their new circumstances. Kindred spirits, across time, brought together through shared purpose to run on the turf once more.
There was a crash in the next room.
“TAIKI SHUTTLE DID WHAT WITH NISHINO FLOWER? AND OTOKOGI? AND MIRAI? AND YUMENOU? THAT’S FOUR GENERATIONS OF MY FAMILY!”
“Sky-san, we’re family! Hooray!”
“I WILL TURN YOU INTO GLUE, TAIKI!”