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The Doctor was feeling rather content. The Sycorax has been defeated (he tried not to think about Harriet Jones’ actions on the matter, lest his mood be ruined), millions of people with an unlucky blood type had been saved from being forced to commit suicide, and, best of all, Rose Tyler had agreed to still travel with him.
Yes, a good day, all in all. One of his better Christmases.
He sat now in the lounge of Jackie Tyler’s flat, watching with content amusement as the three natives of the Powell Estates exchanged gifts with each other. Rose sat on the floor near her mother’s feet, and Mickey the Idiot sat on the opposite end of the couch he was occupying. The three seemed comfortable, happy, and the Doctor was more than willing to share this moment of domesticity with them. He wouldn’t have let Rose miss this for the world.
Jackie stood, nudging Rose out of the way a bit, and went to the tree, fishing another gift out from under it. She straightened and walked back, handing the gift to a surprised Doctor.
“Got this for you, Doctor.”
He blinked at the gift, then up at her. “I thought you hated me.”
“My Rose loves you. Got to be something good about you, I suppose. Besides, I hated the other you. I just might like this you.”
That was a fair point, he supposed, so he just smiled and thanked her, then set to work tearing the paper from around the gift.
“A jelly and jam set!”
“I had no idea what you might like,” she explained, sitting back down in her chair. “All Rose would tell me is that you like bananas. I took a guess; thought maybe you might like jam.”
“I don’t know if I do or not,” he told her honestly. “Let’s see.”
The three other occupants of the flat gave each other quizzical looks as he opened the box, pulled out a jar of red raspberry jam. The jar opened with a *pop*, and he screwed off the lid.
“Doctor, do you want me to get you a -”
He stuck two fingers down into the jar, pulling them out and tasting them.
“Spoon,” Rose finished in a deflated tone.
“Mmm! This is delicious! This body likes jam! Oh, that’s delightful. Always good when one’s body enjoys something enjoyable, isn’t it? I had one body that hated honey. How could anyone hate honey? But I did, funnily enough.”
Jackie and Mickey looked at him as if he’d grown another head, and he looked down at himself self-consciously to make sure that he hadn’t grown another appendage. His regeneration cycle was not yet finished and anything was possible. Feeling nothing unusual, he looked over at Rose, who was shaking her head and looking down. What he could see of her face looked bemused and amused. She didn’t look up at him so he could ask her wordlessly if he’d done something wrong, so he just accepted that he more than likely had and screwed the lid back on slowly, his eyes darting between the others.
Seeming to sense that the moment was over, Jackie clapped her hands together and looked at her visitors. “I made pie. Who wants pie?”
Rose and Mickey leapt to their feet, ready to follow Jackie, and the Doctor assumed that he should probably go, too. First of all, he wasn’t sure if it was rude to stay behind. He rather thought it might be. But more than that, judging by Rose and Mickey’s reactions, he may be missing out on something delicious if he stayed behind.
“Sit at the table, I’ll bring it out in a mo,” Jackie ordered, and the three of them sat. A minute later she appeared with a fragrant pie (oh, it seemed he was still olfactorily talented in this body) and four plates with forks and a knife. A part of him recoiled from the sight of Jackie Tyler with a knife, a reaction that was not made better by her smirk in his direction.
“Behave, Mum,” Rose admonished, and the Doctor relaxed a bit. She would not allow him to be maimed. Thank Rassilon she still cared.
~*~O~*~
He was tinkering while Rose spent time with her mum and Mickey, trying to repair the damage done to the console by the hard landing the day before and doing his best to keep a lid on his panic. Rose had agreed to travel with him again, said she wanted to, but so few companions stuck around after a regeneration. He thought that Rose might be different - Rassilon knew she was different in every other way - but he couldn’t be sure. It had been less than twenty-four hours since he’d tricked her and sent her away, and then the next thing she remembered, he’d caught fire and burned right in front of her. She was more than likely a bit cross about that, and she’d have every right to be.
But his Rose had come back for him at the Gamestation, bringing life and glowing like the sun. Not that her bringing life was any different for him - she’d been saving him over and over, without fail, since he had taken her hand and run.
Would she stay? She’d said she would, but maybe she’d change her mind now that she’d had some time to think.
Panic started to set in, squeezing his hearts and forcing him to close his eyes on the thought. His brain was relentless, though, and wouldn’t let up on its torture. Maybe she didn’t want the life he offered anymore. Maybe spending Christmas with her mum and Mickey had made her realize just what she was missing. Maybe she didn’t want this new him. He was fairly sure that she had loved him before and Rassilon knew he loved her, although he’d never had the nerve to do anything about it. But maybe she couldn’t see beyond what he looked like into his soul, maybe she wouldn’t be able to see that he was really him. Maybe -
He heard the scrape of a key in the door and scrambled from under the console. There was only one person with a key, and it would be best if he met her head-on. His last body had been bad about listening to her with half an ear while he tinkered. The Doctor thought it best to show an interest in what she had to say. Besides, he couldn’t look at her beautiful face from under the console.
Lightning-quick, he rehearsed everything he could think of that might make her stay. He needed her to stay. Without knowing it, she’d become the sole source of light in his life. He had to make her stay.
Rose opened the TARDIS door, throwing him a furtive smile as she slipped inside and closed the door behind her. Her footsteps echoed on the grating of the ramp as she walked towards the place he stood by the console, his body rigid, unpleasant currents of anxiety shooting through him at the way she didn’t quite meet his eyes. She was hesitant, and he hated it.
“Everything alright?” he asked with a calm he didn’t feel, his eyes never leaving hers.
“Yeah.”
The Doctor watched as she came to a stop a few feet away from him, just out of easy reach. In an attempt to tamp down the desire to reach for her and pull her into his arms, where she belonged, he shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth from the tips of his toes to the balls of his heels.
“Had enough of the Christmas celebration, did you?”
She laughed a little, intently studying the laces on her shoes. “Something like that.”
“I’m afraid we’re not quite ready -”
Her words interrupted him, and her honey-brown eyes looked into his from under her lashes. “Is it really you?”
He smiled gently, belying the terror those words made him feel. His palms sweated and his hearts tripped over each other, but still he kept the smile in place, praying she wouldn’t see his reaction.
“Yes, Rose Tyler. It’s me.”
“You’re the same?”
“The same man I’ve always been, just a different face. Well…” He tilted his head to the side and brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “A few new aspects of my personality; nothing major, just new little -” he tugged his ear, “- tics and whatnot. Seems I might be a bit more talkative in this body. I feel more talkative in this body. Hope you don’t mind a babbling, blathering bloke, Rose. Ha! Alliteration! ‘Babbling, blathering bloke,’ I rather like that. Anyway, as I was saying, I’m sure I’ll become a bit trying at times, and you’ll just want me to shut my gob. If that’s the case, Rose Tyler, just you shut me up! I don’t want to be -”
She took a step forward and raised her hand, covering his mouth and stopping his rambling. Blimey, she smelled good. Like cherries and almonds and he could smell the banana-scented shampoo he’d favored in his last body (this body found it rather delicious-smelling, too), and something that reminded him of a tropical rain -
Bloody hell, did he even ramble within his own mind?
“I have a Christmas gift for you,” she began, lowering her hand. “But, well, I was thinking of the old you. I made it for him. I had no idea you’d change.”
“I know you didn’t, Rose, and I’m so sorry. I should have told you. I never should have -”
She covered his mouth again, and he shut up obediently. Her hand lowered once he was silent.
“Anyway, as it’s Christmas, I’d like to give it to you. If you don’t like it, that’s alright - I understand that you’re a new man and all. I just…”
He reached out and took her hands in his, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “Rose Tyler, I’m sure I’ll love it. No matter what it is.”
Her eyes studied his for a few minutes, searching for truth, and he did his best to show it to her. After a few moments, she nodded and pulled her hands away. “It’s in my room. I’ll go get it.”
The Doctor watched her walk away and put his hands back into his pockets. His mind was only marginally eased by the fact that she’d not rushed aboard and announced loudly that she was staying behind. She hadn’t reiterated that she was coming with him as he’d hoped.
She came back carrying a box wrapped in red paper with a gold bow on top. With a shy smile, she presented it to him, then took a couple of steps back, settling in on the jump seat.
The gift didn’t make a noise when he shook it, and he looked at her quizzically. “What is it?”
Her eyes rolled. “You have to open it to find out, daftie.”
“Oh! Yes!” He tore at the paper on the package, casting it aside without paying any attention to where it landed, then pried the box open. Inside lay -
“A jumper,” he said, staring at it.
Rose nodded, biting her lip. “I...I knitted it for you. You seemed to have every other color but blue, so I decided to make you one. I thought it would - “ She paused for a second and the Doctor saw a suspicious shine to her eyes. Then she cleared her throat. “I thought it might bring out your eyes.”
His voice was quiet when he spoke. “My eyes aren’t blue this time, are they?”
Her head bowed then shook, and he saw a crystal tear fall, splashing on her leg and turning the light-wash denim a darker shade.
“Rose, look at me.”
She shook her head again, and he took a step forward and looped his finger under her chin, tipping her face up at him.
“I’m still me, Rose. Same software, different packaging.”
“I know,” she murmured.
"Some things are new and different, like my eyes, but other things - most things - are precisely the same."
She nodded a little, her eyes not meeting his. “I think it’s just going to take me a while. I...I’m gonna miss you.”
His hearts stopped in that moment, he was sure of it.
“Are you...are you staying here? With your mum?”
Her head jerked up and she looked confused, before her eyes widened in understanding. “No! God, no! I’ll be going with you, I want to stay with you. Can’t I? You said I could…”
“Of course you can!” he smiled, taking a breath when he realized he’d stopped breathing in his moment of blind terror. “Yes! Brilliant! Good. Molto bene!”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely! Wouldn’t have it any other way. If you’d said you wanted to stay, I was going to try to talk you out of it.”
She shook her head, smiling. “I don’t want to stay. I want to go with you.”
“Brilliant,” he beamed, feeling three stone lighter than he had thirty seconds before. “Well, we’re not quite ready to fly off into time and space, I’m afraid...my landing yesterday left a bit to be desired and the old girl needs some repairs -”
“It’s no problem,” she assured him. “I’ll enjoy the time with Mum.”
“You go do that, then.” He smiled. “I’ll be right here.”
“Promise?”
“I swear, Rose Tyler.”
“Okay.” She took another step forward, putting her hands on his arms and rolling up to her toes, shocking him into silence when she kissed his cheek. Before he could react, she’d taken a step back and released his arms. “See you a bit later, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he stammered. “Of course. I’ll be here. Yes.”
Rose grinned at him, her tongue between her teeth. “Bye, then.” She started towards the doors, and the Doctor pivoted to watch her.
“Rose?” he called out before he could stop himself, with no idea what he was going to say.
Thank you for staying with me.
I hope you never leave me.
I couldn’t bear it if you did.
You’re everything to me.
I love you, Rose Tyler.
“Thank you for the jumper,” he said instead, holding it up. “I really love it.”
She looked insecure. “Yeah?”
“Yes. Any body I’m in appreciates a nice gift.”
She nodded, a smile growing across her face. “See you, Doctor.”
The door closed behind her and he stood there for a minute, holding the jumper, relishing the soft texture under his new hands.
“See you, Rose Tyler.”