Chapter Text
As the digital sky darkened once more, bringing the artificial cycle of day and night full circle, the residents stalked back to their rooms.
Gangle and Zooble walked as a pair, chatting quietly so that Jax, not too far behind them, couldn't hear. Kinger, a touch more present in the dark, easily made for his room, bidding goodnight to the aforementioned rabbit and Pomni, who had both been trotting alongside him silently through the corridor, before closing the door and allowing them to do the same and get some rest in their respective abodes.
As for the the final member of the circus troupe?
Ragatha was sat outside of the tent, near the digital lake.
The events of that day's quick fire adventure were draining for the poor woman. The little jaunts into the crew's suggestions brought to life were tiring all on their own, even ignoring the fact that her own idea had been made worse by the fact it was cut short by Caine's desire to end the exercise entirely and that it was interrupted by her tantrum even while it was ongoing.
She couldn't believe that she'd done so poorly at the game, and then struggled so much to maintain her composure. Lashing out at Jax wasn't ideal; she still couldn't bare the idea of people hating her, even when it was someone as aggravating as him; but it was far from the first time it had happened. That she got frustrated at Pomni and let it show distressed her immensely. How had she messed things up so badly? Why couldn't she just be normal and nice and perfect so that everyone would like her?
She sighed at that thought. She knew, ultimately, that it was impossible to be that way, and that it was unhealthy and useless to try to keep up with the expectations of her mother after being removed from her watchful eyes for so long.
But it was so hard to not let the guilt eat her up inside. She couldn't help that every side-eye, awkward pause and little dismissal she got from anyone made her inner voice scream that she'd messed up, that she was failing to be a good friend, to be the perfect friend. That that was all she was meant to be, and that she was bad at it.
She shook her head and looked out to the lake, focusing on how the light bounced off the ever changing surface.
She had to give it to Caine, despite his… eccentricities, that he really did have a keen couple of eyes for visuals. The moonlight rippled pleasantly off of the lapping water, almost disturbingly realistically given how cartoonish the world he maintained otherwise was.
A popping, and a corresponding 'whoosh', noise behind her startled the rag doll, jerking her out of her thoughts as she swung around to face the newly appeared… 'face' before her.
Of course.
"Oh, hello Ragatha! I wasn't expecting to see one of my serendipitous stars out here at this hour!", the excitable artificial intelligence exclaimed.
Caine floated easily above the ground, his large, heterochromatic eyes bounding within the cavern that was the space between the flexible, cartoonish dentures that formed his head that sat atop his strangely humanoid body. The eyes twitched as they watched her, the teeth of his head forming something akin to the look of a confused eyebrow raise.
Ragatha was never quite sure what to think of Caine. He seemed genuinely interested in keeping them all mentally stimulated, keeping them from being bored (and he did, in one way or another, for better or for worse, often succeed in that goal), but he didn't appear to be very… well suited to his purpose. She had, as everyone else at the circus had, been frustrated by his lack of understanding of human emotions, his strange bouts of almost childish egotism, and his apparent inability to process or allow discussion concerning certain topics despite them being so important to the circus members.
He was charming, in a way, though. She sometimes thought about how much she'd have probably adored him if he really were just an interactive game character that hosted people who were just playing video games from the comfort of their homes. The only thing that made the adventures they all endured everyday so draining was that they were trapped here and that the adventures happened whether they liked it or not.
Regardless, the ringmaster continued talking to her, sounding mildly curious.
"Shouldn't you be resting after such a plentiful day? After so many… pleasant-but-not-as-good-as-mine adventures, surely you must be exhausted?!", he inquired.
'There's that weird bit of ego again', she thought. She put on a smile and waved a hand.
"Oh, hi Caine! I just felt like relaxing with a view, and the lake is always lovely to sit by! You really did a great job with it!", she assured him.
Predictably, his chest puffed out in a cartoonish fashion, pleased at the flattering comment about the lake.
Unpredictably, his eyes grew wider at the directed approval at his contribution to the quality of the lake.
"R… really? Well… well of course I did! Simple, really, barely a challenge!", he declared.
He stared at Ragatha for a moment as she looked out at the lake again. What was he looking at? Was something wrong?
He quickly seemed to settle on something, faked a cough, and continued.
"Though… even though it's completely evident how wonderful and utterly stupendous my little lake here is… what do you like about it?", he asked, failing to cover up his obvious, desperate curiosity.
Ragatha rolled her eye and corresponding button with a slight huff, her lips curling into a small smirk.
"Well, I've been here for a while now, and… it gets kinda hard to remember what the real world looked like. But this?", she gestures with her arm to the late, letting her fabric skin be illuminated by shimmering moonlight. "How the light is bouncing off the water? It's distinctly… authentic. Like I'm actually back home, sat next to the lake near my old house," she says with a melancholic tone, never tearing her eyes away from the water.
Caine, for his part, continued staring at her until she she started talking about the 'real' world, at which he scrunched his teeth slightly before relaxing at the passive praise, turning to also look at his creation.
"Well, I myself have never seen the 'real world'," he said with absolutely no irritation, "but I have used what I know of it to improve the physics engine and light systems over time. I must admit, it's interesting to see just how chaotic the muddled waters can be! Casting light from old Mooney up there to who-knows-where!"
He waved up at the moon who, in turn, winked at him, making him sputter something about 'family friendliness' before turning his attention back on Ragatha and the water.
They sat in silence for a little while, with Caine at some point deciding to sit down next to her. Not on the floor, of course; that would ruin his prestigious ringmaster's attire! No, he simply summoned a deck chair as if someone was going out to sunbathe in the dead of night and sat on it.
Eventually, Caine broke the quiet, sounding more… not reserved or restrained, but perhaps… cautious. Though, for his sake or Ragatha's, the doll did not know.
"What is that supposed 'real' world like, then? Surely it can't be as interesting as this world, where anything can happen!", he declared with a healthy dose of curiosity.
Ragatha sighed, shaking her head.
"It's… just interesting in a different way, Caine. Yeah, there's technically less to do, but… you have a limited amount of time and opportunities to experience what you do end up trying out. Plus, as much effort as I know you put into the circus, nothing here will ever carry the same feeling as something like an ancient wonder, or a family home, for example. Part of the awe is that something has lasted as long as it has, through struggles across generations. Here, everything will last forever as long as the game keeps running," she said slowly, her voice losing some of its softness and being tinged by her bittersweet thoughts.
Caine, uncharacteristically, considered that quietly. The question itself had been a bit… odd, coming from him, if she was being honest with herself, but she couldn't deny that this subdued conversation was helping her mood a bit more than she'd expected.
She looked at him for the first time since she'd complimented his work, tilting her head.
"I guess it must be a bit of a weird concept to you, huh? Having things like a hometown, or a family in the same way we had?", she suggested with her own curiosity bleeding into her tone. He seemed a bit more open to proper conversation than usual today, so she might as well ask what came to her mind.
Caine looked at her, his eyes still as they hung in the air between his jaws, before he comically scratched his 'chin' (underside of his lower gums) and answered.
"Well, I had developers, of course! And a 'staging ground' of sorts that I was tested in before the circus was brought online. And I made bubble back then, my eternal assistant! I think you could say I had a bit of a family and a hometown," he said, not very seriously but clearly thoughtful about his answer.
Ragatha chortled at the response, before dialling it back a bit to properly address it.
"Point taken! But… well, 'developers' that test you to ultimately put you into a game where you'd be the host, some predetermined role; that's not… really what …family is supp-…", she began, before cutting herself off, losing the positive energy that she'd gained from this little conversation.
The irony of what she was about to say wasn't lost on her. About to politely dismiss Caine's attempt to say he'd had something like a family when all he'd had was likely a judgmental, controlling, expectant, all-seeing eye… when that's all she'd had as well. She turned away slightly, looking back at the water.
The ringmaster next to her noticed that trailing off of that sentence, but hadn't discerned what had bothered her about it, so he simply pressed on.
"Aaaaaaaanyway, since you're up, how did you find the subpar entertainment montage that was today's adventure?", he asked, once again badly suppressing how badly he wanted an answer.
The rag doll didn't respond immediately, still distracted by her relapse into her misery, but managed to climb out of it and look at Caine, putting on a small smile.
"W-well, it was certainly… different. It was kinda nice, seeing such a variety of experiences at once, especially ones that my friends made up. The midnight picnic one was probably my favourite," she stated clearly and slowly, smiling a bit more genuinely as she remembered how pretty and calm that little respite from the chaos of the day was.
Caine, however, was not pleased by that answer, for some reason. He gave a small but definitive 'harrumph', before pouting in some random direction. Ragatha squinted at him slightly, curious about what exactly his problem was, but also about something personal. She decided she'd ask about the latter in case the former was a touchy subject.
"Hey, uh… not to be rude, or anything, but… why did you you mess up my suggestion?", she asked, a slight frustration in her tone but mostly genuine interest.
Caine swivelled his eyes back to her, his teeth forming confused eyebrows.
"'Mess up?' What ever do you mean? I thought I did a particularly grand job of that stadium set piece! And the game played according to the rules I found in my database," he said, before adding a bit sheepishly, "though admittedly, I did… cut some corners at the end there. I just wanted it all to be over."
The plush woman stared at the ringmaster after he said that, not quite sure how to take the answer. It was worded a bit… strangely, for him, too. She decided to probe.
"Why did you want to end the adventure there and then, exactly?", she inquired, shifting to sit more comfortably on the ground whilst looking at him.
Caine startled, as if the question had snuck up on and surprised him, before he waved it away with a single hand, eyes looking away.
"Oh! I… I-I simply thought that you'd all had enough of that suggestion box malarkey! After all, I could see things getting rather heated in the stands with you, Pomni and Jax! You know I love it when you all get passionate, but I thought it was a good spot to end on," Caine managed to put together.
To his surprise, Ragatha deflated at his statement, looking away at the lake with some emotion his processors couldn't quite evaluate. Did she just see through it, and know that he made up that reason? In any case, he scrambled to amend his… whatever he'd done!
"I… I suppose I can let arguments continue in future, if that's what you'd like? Far be it from me to enforce any standards on my terrific troupe that upset you!", he proclaimed, no irony in his boisterous voice.
The lady just shook her head, clearly not that focused on what he'd said. Her thoughts returned to dwell on her own failures, unable to get out of her earlier spiral.
"Why did I have to do that?", she mumbled quietly. "Oh, I can't believe I let my emotions get so… ugh. I'm meant to be there for her, for everyone. How can I be so stupid and useless? I'm meant to be a perfect friend, and I can't even keep my own anger at him from affecting her."
She curled in on herself, hugging her legs to her chest, digging her face into her knees, unable to let some inexplicable tears fall from her button eye as she quietly sobbed.
The air was still and there was silence except for her uneven breaths and the gentle lapping of the water.
But then-
"Perfect? Oh, well that's impossible, my dear doll!", said the set of dentures with the assuredness of someone who thought they'd just solved a problem in one go.
Ragatha just sniffled and chuckled weakly. What else did she expect?
"Y-yeah, I know perfection is technically… i-impossible, but I just meant-", she started.
"Not just impossible, Ragatha, but undesirable! Absolutely detestable as an idea for a human like you! Why, if you could be perfect, there would be nothing left for you to do!", he interrupted with.
The woman paused, confusion slowing her crying slightly as she tilted her head, looking at the ringmaster again. He looked at her the same as always; teeth contorting to curve concavely, as if forming an expectant expression.
"What… what do you mean? Yeah, it's… impossible, but surely I'm meant to try to reach it," she replied, genuinely trying to find what bizarre meaning he had as, being himself, this was definitely not some normal, human perspective.
Chuckling, he continued, eyes bounding around his head. "Oh, well if I had reached perfection a long time ago, I'd have had very little to do! Before you arrived, there was a bit of a drought of new humans entering this realm! It was just me and Kinger, for years! He'd already started retreating into his little fort, and he never seemed the same during adventures, so I had lots of time on my hands with only one person to deal with. With that time, I completely overhauled this place! Why, I even completely overhauled myself! I'm now an absolutely perfect AI, with excellent memory and, may I say, fabulous style!", he boasted, running a gloved hand along his red coat.
He turned to face her again, grinning with his entire head.
"But even then, I still change things around, improve my adventures with my perfected faculties. If you became perfect in the way you're talking about, wouldn't people get bored of you? You humans are oh-so unpredictable and prone to changing, like Kinger did! If you became 'perfect', some static version of yourself, while the others kept changing, then the novelty would wear off! You've got to keep people on their tiny toes!"
Ragatha just stared at him for a while. She was right, in a way. He hadn't been trying to get philosophical… at least, she didn't think he'd been trying to be. He was viewing a bite-sized part of her problem through the lens of his endless need to entertain, all while still showboating about his own capabilities.
But, even then… he had a point.
If she just became perfect, which, in her mind, meant 'always be polite', 'always be there for them', 'never be a drain', and so on… would people just get bored of her? Would people think she just had a superiority complex or something? Would she seem fake? Inauthentic? Unapproachable? Untrustworthy? Perhaps even emotionless and cold?
While she hadn't really meant an unchanging, static form of perfection, she supposed that was what she was relatively arguing existed and that she had to strive for. One that, if reached, she'd never deviate or grow from.
What if this was what Pomni really needed right now? Not someone to just tell her everything was alright, but that she wasn't the only one who's going through it all, and that they'll get through it together. Someone to change with her, not magically change once for her.
That meant… being vulnerable. Open. Oh, she hated doing that. It always made her feel like she was doing something wrong, an objective failure in interactions… but then, that was something she'd been taught by the same person who'd got it in her head that she had to be perfect.
"Are you alright, Ragatha?"
The doll nearly jumped out of her fabric at the reminder Caine was still there. It didn't help that he'd floated to be right in front of her instead of on the chair by her side. He startled too, his teeth chomping shut as if to shield his eyes. After taking a breath, Ragatha started to laugh, genuinely tickled by this whole situation. At her personal realisation, at the fact that Caine had been a part of it, at how silly he looked; everything. And she couldn't help but find it kind of… nice.
"Ha, sorry, Caine. I was just thinking about what you said. I believe I needed it, even if I don't think you said it with the exact right thing in mind. So… thank you," she said with a smile, softer than most she had previously given the ringmaster.
Caine's upper teeth curved to raise an 'eyebrow', confuddled, but he took the affirmation in stride, adjusting his bow tie in what was likely a completely unnecessary motion.
"Anytime, my plushy pal! I am a veritable, volumous vat of wisdom, at your disposal!", he announced proudly, before toning down the bombast a touch as he looked at her with curiosity. "Stay interesting, Ragatha. The circus wouldn't be the same without you."
He dispappeared into a visual spiral effect then, leaving the rag doll on her own.
She couldn't decide whether to interpret the words that she'd been left with literally (which could be read as simply a demand that she remain entertaining and that her absence, or complete change, would factually make the circus different) or to simply accept the bit of warmth the more emotional interpretation gave her.
She decided that Caine was probably too sporadic and inconsistent for this interaction to have helped her so much without at least some intentionalality on his part to be more comforting, chose the latter explanation, and smiled.
She remained outside for a while, not to get out of her head, but to just enjoy the view.
If her thoughts lingered on her conversation with the ringmaster longer than really justified, she didn't have to tell anyone.