Chapter Text
What are you trying to do?
Still here.
Still with these people.
With people who are not of your own.
People who are not
You.
People who are doing this
out of pity.
And what are you hoping for?
To fit in?
To fit somewhere you do not belong?
Even after all
this
time?
...
It cannot be helped.
Especially when the only place
you will have ever had a spot in
is gone.
You are without a place,
vagrant to this world.
However,
you continue to lie to yourself.
You will today,
and the day that follows.
Sad.
Truly
sad.
...
Though, I suppose
That is enough.
it is time for you
to wake
up.
Wake up.
— ❦ —
..wake up, Ivy! Angel, you’re going to be late...”
A delicate yet firm voice shook you from your sleep. Well, that and the actual shaking you felt from the hand on your shoulder. Whining softly, you thought about shifting to your side to turn your back towards the voice urging you to get up. Though your brain’s already grown accustomed to this song and dance. Your eyes cracking open, you’re greeted with the sight of a fluffy, pouting face.
Clara. A sweet old weasel monster, and: most importantly, your caretaker. She was the closest thing you would have to a mother, took you in at your absolute worst and did her damnedest to take care of you and your siblings... They, too, were the closest you’d have to siblings. Monsters, sure, but they were the most family you would have. Probably the only family you’d have, you felt.
...Looking at her face now, it’d be a crime to pull your covers back up and turn your back to such a cute pout. Guiltily (and with a lazy huff,) you rose out of bed, running hands through your mop of golden-blonde hair, wincing at the feeling of digits catching against knots. “Gh..,” came a pathetic grunt, followed by your housemother simply nudging you up out of bed. “Come now, you’ve still gotta tidy up and make yourself presentable!” The urged words and insistent push did little, or nothing, to hasten your pace.
You grabbed some clothes from your drawer- whatever looked decent enough when you threw them together- and shuffled your way out of your room, walking down halls littered with doors every so often, each spaced apart so that your siblings had just as much room as the other. Passing by each room showed them to be empty.
You always got up before you could wave a few, if one of your foster siblings, away. Unfortunately for you, you could not attend the same school as they did- some place out of Hometown that wasn’t too far. Clara insists you’re lucky to be able to attend a school so close to home, but.. you knew virtually no one there.
You sighed and turned both handles of the sink. It really would be better if you just went to the same school as your siblings. People you knew. People you could communicate with without looking like a total idiot. Ugh. Warm water pooled in your palms, brought to your face then to rinse off anything that would’ve made you look gross.
A gentle knock at the door was all that was needed for you to be put into a sloppy rush, slipping on a maroon layered tee on, black sleeves reaching just past your wrists, and a pair of pants that- quite frankly- were just a hair too big for you. Whatever, it got the job done. Your hair was still a mess, but you weren’t too worried about what people would think. You always felt most wouldn’t give you a second glance anyways.
Clara seemed to think otherwise. She clicked her tongue the moment you slipped out, walked around you and would gently run her claws through your hair. “Oh, c’mon Ivy.. gosh, you know I don’t have time to help, you’re already so late..!” She tutted, gently pushing a pale-green backpack into your hand, grabbing the other, leading you out of the large group home. Not before helping you with your shoes, of course. You felt at this age, you could already do a few basic things for yourself, but the old weasel was always insistent, doing things for you when she knew full well you could.
Laces now tied by her deft paws, she began leading you out of the doors of the orphanage. Down the long, wide grassy path. The gentle hissing of leaves being blown by the wind filled the otherwise silent atmosphere. You turned your head. Watched trees pass as the two of you walked at a moderate pace. Watched deep into the forest, for.. Nothing. There was just something serene about looking deep and being greeted with nothing but trees, trees, and more trees.
Your attention was brought back to your destination when you saw the faded red SUV in the corner of your eyes. Some of the paint on it had peeled away, but not terribly so. Clara’s had this thing for angel-knows-how-long, and it still serves her well. As she always does, she reached for the door and opened it for you. Hopping in and plopping down, haphazardly tossing the bag onto the spot on the other end of the car, you leaned against the car door, head pressed into the window. Mild vibrations would be sent through your skull as the car rumbled to life.
Your mind kind of just drifted on the way, not aware of the occasional glances your foster mom gave you, a gaze mixed with worry and study, trying to read your expression. She didn’t speak up though, opting to hold her tongue until you two arrived. Your eyes would catch on many things idly, not lingering for too long, but staring long enough that you’d vaguely remember. Two cars seemingly.. Stuck in one-lane traffic. Somehow. With nobody else on the road. You watched a passing librar(b)y and- well, that was really it. You hadn’t realized just how short of a ride it was to school, but by all means, you were still late.
Late on your first proper day to school in.. what? Eleven years? Last time you were at school was before you went on vacation. Before...
The gentle squealing of the SUV’s would quickly bring you out of your thoughts, and for better. You’d rather not dwell on that, especially when you were gonna have to socialize with a bunch of new faces. Happy thoughts, Ivy.
Ever polite, the weasel monster had already gotten out of the driver’s seat to get your door for you, offering a gentle smile while waiting for you. Funny, she was hurrying you out of the house earlier to get you here as quick as she could.
You took the green bookbag and dragged it across the seats on your way out, hopping out and stepping back, letting your foster mother shut the door with your exit. Before any words could leave your already-open mouth, you felt the weasel lean down, hugging you so close and tightly to her chest, she nearly lifted you off the ground completely, nuzzling her snout into your hair, humming soft and low, before finally pulling back and reaching to take your hands into her paws, kneeling down a bit.
“Now, I know I’d just nagged you about how late you were but..” Clara paused, taking a deep breath, looking down at you with a softer gaze, giving both of your hands a gentle squeeze, keeping them in her tender grasp.
“I’m sure you might be nervous and.. Possibly afraid, but I promise, you’re going to do wonderful in there, sweetheart.” She spoke, letting a hand go to stroke your cheek with her thumb. “I trust in you. And I believe in you. And you should too... Always.” Her tone tender, she brought you in and planted a gentle kiss on your forehead, ruffling your hair messily and rising then, her smile beaming with more light now.
“Now, you best be going! I’ve kept you much later than I should have, and I’m sure your teacher’s wondering just where in the world you could be.” She shooed you off, grinning while going back into her car, staying parked and leaning out the window to watch you closely, waiting for you to enter. Already knowing how daunting this experience would be, you were filled with a mix of comfort from her encouraging words, and anxiousness at the thought of being anywhere but “home” for as long as you were going to be.
Bag slung over your shoulder, clinging onto it with your hands, you squeezed the strap, finally lifting a foot and beginning to walk, you approached the double doors, pushing one open and stepping inside the school, pausing and glancing over your shoulder at the SUV, staring at Clara, who gave you one last wave and a smile that could melt over a winter wonderland. That was all you needed to push on and walk inside.
As expected, the halls were empty. And sure, you had been given a locker (one you’d forgotten the number of,) but you didn’t want to be any more late than you. As you took a left and approached the door of your classroom, you’d stand outside, hand hovering over the doorknob, hearing a nervous voice stammering out.
“I… u-uh.. I could have sworn we had a new student today... Did any of you.. see them? ...Anyone?”
A little voice in the back of your mind started to nag while the teacher behind the door continued speaking. It started pushing thoughts into your head. What if they’re already kicking you out of the class? That’s ridiculous. What if they all think you’re weird? You swear there’s only one other human in Hometown. So? They’d be used to them by now. Then again, you were sort of a recluse, hardly made contact with anyone else- save for the owner of that grocery store. What if they thought you were some hermit who ran from home? Just popping up out of thin air. What would the reception even be like?! You didn’t want to be seen as some weirdo, first impressions were important! How the heck were you gonna—
“Um, I think I know where they might be..” A student with a soft voice within said. You froze up, hand still hovering over the doorknob, though you felt your voice immediately burning up in embarrassment. Shoot, you realized how easy it was to be seen when you were stood in front of the door like this. With the sound of approaching footsteps, you took a step back, watching the door gently open, being met with the sight of a lizard monster who was surprisingly shorter than you.
You stared at the bespectacled monster and offered an awkward smile and an equally awkward wave. “..hi!” You tried your best in putting on a cheerful tone, though you could tell how equally awkward your monster teacher was. “Ah! Uh- you’re.. I-Ivy, right..?” She asked, a bit of a wobbly-looking grin on her face, hoping she wasn’t just saying a random name to someone. Who else would this be?, you’d imagine she thought.
You nodded. “Yeah! That’s.. that’s me..” You cleared your throat after, speaking a little louder. “I’m super sorry for being this late! I’m so used to being homeschooled, so I’m not used to being up this early for school!” You explained, your words rushed. And why the hell were you bowing? Sorry’s enough!
The reptilian monster standing before you offered a smile that screamed “nervous wreck of a teacher” less this time. “T-That’s okay! I.. um, I was kinda getting worried t-that we brought out another desk for.. no reason…” She trailed off, shaking her head then, the wobbliness of her previous grin returning. “B-But come in! There’s still a lot of t-today’s lesson to go through..!” You nodded and peered into the classroom before entering. It was, thankfully, a small class.
That didn’t stop you from feeling increasingly anxious. Your eyes went over all eight unfamiliar students, though some relief came to you when you spotted the only other human in this classroom, and town for that matter. You knew Kris. At least.. a little. Kind of. Their mom used to bring them over when you were growing up, mostly coming over to help Clara homeschool you and a few of the other kids who she couldn’t afford applying to school. She’d always bring you and the other kids pies, and you’d sit by Kris to eat your piece.
You never really talked to them though, and they probably saw you as some weird mute kid. That also happened to be your initial impression of them, funnily enough. Maybe that’s why you were always around them when you were growing up. You had your reasons on why you were that way, and you’re sure they did too. Though they eventually stopped showing up- probably got bored of sitting around the other weird quiet human.
Your focus was brought back from sifting through your memories with them when the sound of your teacher’s voice cut right through them. “—s-so treat them like you would with your uh.. other classmates!” Your teacher explained in a firm tone (you couldn’t help but notice the unsure layer under it.) As the room grew quiet, you caught your teacher’s expectant gaze, giving you a small thumbs up. Oh, right-
You coughed into your hand, and waved. “Hello!-” You paused, cheeks burning again at the crack in your voice, proceeding after a beat, awkwardly folding your hands behind your back. “I’m Ivy..! I’ve been in Hometown for a while but I’ve.. mostly been homeschooled.” Your lips curved into, quite possibly, the most forced smile you could ever give anybody. You turned to glance at the monster teacher again, going on. “I uh.. I like flowers..?” This silence was killing you. Typically, you didn't mind, but some of these students were staring at you like you were some kinda ghost. “..and.. I like to plant flowers! I- uh.. I have a garden of them right by my house, actually..!” Another pause, Angel, why am I still going? “That’s all, haha..!” Man, holding this grin was getting painful, and it wasn't even convincing, either.
You gave another bow (please stop doing that) and went to the only empty desk, which was placed to the left of your still-unnamed-to-you teacher. Feels a bit last minute-y, but that didn’t matter, at least you had a place to sit! You settled down, face having relaxed long since you stopped standing in front of everyone, letting a breath you didn’t know was hiding in your lungs out, grabbing a notebook out of your bag and setting it down under your desk.
While you searched for a pencil inside, you heard your lizard teacher continuing with whatever topic today’s lesson was. It was kind of just noise for now while you searched. Only you... could not find a pencil. Or anything to write with for that matter. “Shoot...” You huffed, sitting up and staring down at the cover of your notebook dumbly, like a pencil, a pen- anything, would just fade into existence if you just stared hard enough.
“Ivy, right...?” That same gentle voice you heard earlier from the door, now much clearer and.. right behind you, spoke up again. You turned to look over your shoulder, your eyes meeting the sight of a reindeer monster. You gave her a gentle smile, much more genuine than the one you put up in front of the whole class. “Hey, yeah. Did you er.. need something?” You kept a soft tone and low volume, leaning in a little.
“Oh, n-no, I didn’t..! I just noticed that you couldn’t find a, um.. pencil. Did you want one of mine?” The girl offered, while also giving you one of the sweetest smiles you’d ever seen (it could even compete with Clara’s, you’d admit.) “Huh? Oh..! Is that really alright?” And near instantly would the girl nod, reaching for two pencils, offering one that looked like a candy cane, and another with little Christmas lights. You opted to take the latter, giving her a gracious smile. “Thanks a bunch, uh..”
“N-Noelle..! It’s Noelle..” You nodded. You’d now calmed down since your uncomfortable self-introduction, and this girl’s positively sweet and politefully beaming attitude was enough to shake that feeling off. You thanked her again, turning back to your notebook and opening it, scribbling notes down and focusing on whatever came out of your teacher’s mouth, and whatever was jotted down on the green chalkboard.
...
Time came and went a lot faster than you’d expected, Alphys, your teacher, who you got the name of when you eventually had a question and couldn’t remember if she gave you hers, had started to wrap things up, giving everyone what little time there was left after. You let a heavy breath out, looking around the classroom, seeing most of the students talking to each other, some minding their own business, and one fast asleep, drooling on their desk...
...Wait, that’s just Kris.
You hummed in thought, fiddling with the pencil between your fingers, before noticing that reindeer girl staring at you from the corner of your eye. You turned to her, immediately locking eyes with her, which quickly startled her. “Ah! S-Sorry! W-Was I staring too much? I just- I didn’t.. think I’d ever see another human before..” She explained quickly, earning a soft giggle from you, shaking your head. “No, no, of course not. I can’t really blame you anyways, I was kinda weird as a kid– didn’t go out a whole lot and didn’t talk much if at all.” You stared down at the festive pencil in your hands, shaking your head then after realizing this pencil was, obviously, still not yours.
You’re literally talking to the one who lent you it, dummy.
“Oh right- uh.. Thanks again, Noelle.” You held the pencil out to her, smiling her way as she took it, returning your smile as her fingers brushed yours. “Of course! You don’t even have to thank me, there was no way I was gonna leave someone like that on their first day! E-Even if it's.. A little into the semester..” Noelle giggled herself, the melodic sound easing you, leaving you feeling a bit more comfortable and welcome than you had when you entered.
After some silence, she spoke up curiously, “So um.. I noticed you looking at Kris a couple times. Do you maybe.. know them already?” Though she quickly began to explain herself again, despite not really offending you in any manner. “Oh!- I-If that’s not.. nosey of me to ask or anything!!” Another short giggle, nervous and unsure. You shook your head again and kept that same gentle grin on. “It’s really alright, Noelle. Kris and I... well, I don’t really know if I’d call us friends or anything, but I certainly knew them growing up,” your hand reached for the cover of your now-closed notebook, “But their mom used to bring them over when she came to homeschool me and my siblings. I think she wanted to bring them ‘cause there was another human; wanted them to try and make friends with someone like them.”
You frowned a little and sighed. “I think they just got bored of the awkward, quiet human that would just sit by them without a word, stopped coming with her after a while,” and Noelle just seemed to stare for a bit, in thoughts of her own, before offering you that same warm smile, shaking her head. “I mean.. Kris is a bit weird too, aren’t they?” She jokingly asked, giggling. “They’re quiet too, I don’t see why they wouldn’t have minded being around you so often!”
You snorted, then laughed a little, rubbing the nape of your neck. “Yeah, now that you mention it; I guess we were a bit similar in that case... Thanks, Noelle.” The reindeer monster would nod, still offering that comforting smile.
Noticing some of the other students getting up and slowly filtering out of the classroom, with a few having went up to talk to Alphys (probably to ask her about something they didn’t understand on today’s lesson,) you’d stand up, Noelle rising from her seat too, standing by as you put your things into your bag, turning to face her again when you noticed her holding out an open paw towards you.
“It was really nice to meet you, Ivy! I-I hope you like it here..!” She beamed again. If she were a Christmas light, you’d probably be blind with how bright she was. You took her furry paw into your hand and shook it. “Yeah, it was great meeting you too! And.. well, you certainly helped me feel better about being here...“ You said softly, watching how her cheeks flushed a bit. “I-I’m glad! I’ll see you around then, Ivy! I’m just.. gonna stay and help Alphys a bit.” She gave you a small wave, and you simply nodded, waving back, turning around to head off.
You turned to look over your shoulder one last time, though. Kris was.. still out cold on his desk. Man, you wondered how often they did that. You thought about going over to talk to them; maybe catch up a bit, but they looked comfortable (well, as comfortable as anyone could look dozing off on a hard-surfaced desk.)
You went up towards the door, and with the same two students still discussing with Alphys, she would turn towards you, the yellow monster kid pausing and glancing at you, listening to you two idly.
“I-Ivy! Did.. did you have a good time in m-my class today...?” She asked, her face telling you enough, holding her breath in anticipation. You nodded, and gave her a quick thumbs up. “Mhm! Thanks, Alphys. I understood everything, even if I missed a good chunk of the lesson today. I’ll see you tomorrow!” You chirped, pushing the door open and walking out, watching how she gave you a small wave on the way out and swiveled on her chair, going right back to discussing with the two students.
You stood in the hall for a bit and waited for the door to click shut, letting a soft groan out afterwards. You actually did it. And it wasn’t even that bad! You got to know one of your classmates, and already (kinda (sorta)) knew another. Maybe you were just overreacting about this whole thing.
You walked down and turned for the doors, making your way to them, only to get damn-near bulldozed, stumbling and letting a pathetic squeak out, catching yourself against the wall and turning to find the culprit. It was.. that purple monster that sat in the back of your class. She just glanced over her shoulder, smirking your way while crunching on.. wait, was that chalk?
“Watch yourself next time, dumbass.” She snickered, the doors being pushed open roughly, walking out without even looking back. You frowned and huffed, shaking your head. What the heck’s her problem? Whatever. It wasn’t anything to get worked up over- you remembered that people like her- bullies, unsavory people really. It was best to just steer clear of those.
You grunted, taking your hand off the wall, fixed your hair with your hands, and pushing the doors open with your back, walking out and humming. Sun’s still up, and it’ll be a little while before Clara comes by for you, what- with all the work she does to keep you and your siblings well-fed and taken care of. Might as well kill some time.
You’d kill for some chocolate right about now.