Chapter Text
Sunshine rolled through the windows of the church. The colorful stained glass windows that were made from colorful shards of glass of maybe a houndred different shades of various colors cast a spell over the entire interier, making a one of a kind sanctuary in the filled space. Coming together the colors blended mostly into a deep, hypnotizing purple or indigo color.
Ewron grew up in this church and in the process spent many days and nights within the tall cold walls. It wasn't out of the ordinary that he had to clean and tidy up the place, which he was doing now.
He knew he was different from other kids in his town. Not everybody has a priest for a father.
The rows of seats were uncomfortable ever since he could recall and the only way he could chase away that discomfort was when he sat on two cushions, instead of just a single one. All the old used Bibles were practically coming undone under Ewron's careful touch anytime he opened them. No matter how many times his father scolded him for being the reason he was going to have to buy new ones, Ewron didn't really care. It wasn't his fault they were so delicate in the first place. Even the old grannies had told him multiple times after his father's service to throw them out and buy new ones. At this point he could donate them to a museum for how old they were.
His father was a happy and kind man, who hated politics. Or so he liked to say. When Ewron turned six, they moved away from Poland and started a new life overseas. His father never fully explained why and the excuse of 'hating politics in Poland' had always felt wrong. Ewron thought he just got bored of his life in Poland. For a man who hated politics, he was something between a traditional conservative and outspoken liberal. His views often times contradicted themselfs. His moral code was definitely strange. You could never fully guess what his opinions or his next reaction.
The big statue of Jesus crucified used to make a small and young Ewron uneasy. It was handmade from quartz while being dusted in gold in some places. The crucifix was made out of dark oak wood, much like all the other furniture that resided inside the church, that his father loved calling a 'small heaven'. He had heard the story of Jesus' death probably a thousand times by that point, but each time he imagined the nails getting hammered into Jesus' palms and feet, he felt a little bit nauseated. Even as a curious kid, he couldn't wrap his mind around why he had to worship Jesus as he was dying and not when he was healthy and not near death's doorstep. Ewron understood that Jesus died for humanities sins, but why would you depict your saviour in the most vulnerable state. Why worship somebody in that horrifing state? It felt disrespectful to Jesus. Atleast to a small seven year old Ewron.
All the people in the town respected his father, even if they weren't Catholic. They liked him because he had a kind smile and remembered pointless details about them. It took Ewron fifteen years to figure out that his father actually had a small unnamed book for all the pointless facts he heard in conversation with people. He couldn't tell how he felt about it. Whether it was creepy or nice was up to debate.
The confessional was quite big. Or bigger than your average confessional booth in a church. Made out of dark oak with intricate carvings carved staight into the wood as decorative elements and long purple curtains that were of pure silk. They reminded him much of gothic architecture. Confessional was always a bit hard on Ewron, he didn't really want his father knowing all the things he had done, all his sins. He wished he could only whisper them to God, alone. He has always been a troublemaker at heart. Ewron knew he tested his father's kindness and patience everyday. Sometimes he though he could see the cracks in his fathers face. A splitting, intense second, where Ewron was genuinely scared of what his father would do. But no punches ever came, only distance and more mandatory time spent wondering the halls of the 'small heaven'.
Ewron had lots of friends despite being busy having to balance school and the time spent in the church. He was well liked, just like his father, but nothing alike. His father's dark hair and beard, deep voice and eyes that only opened so he could fulfill God's path. Nothing resembling Ewron's red hair and deep blue eyes, that were filled with curiosity and a spark of trouble.
Ewron's favorite place was where they kept the candles. When the sun dipped under the horizon and the church became quiet and devoid of life, the soft warm glow emanating from the spark of fire coming from the small sticks of candles were mesmerizing to Ewron's eyes. It was something about how innocent the fire was, yet so dangerous while dancing fragilely away in the direction of the soft breeze. The font was right across it.
They still had a good father-son relationship. Even if Ewron didn't always like how his father was hell bent on obeying traditions and prayers, but he got used to it.
From the spot infront of the candles a person had an amazing view of the altar. The simple table known as the altar poured with respect. Ewron felt he was doing something illegal anytime he was tasked to go tidy it up with the sun shining menacingly onto the platform and bathing everything in indigo, blue and red- but mostly purple. Always purple.
His father was a man made of discipline and principle. In Ewron's eyes, his father could do no harm, there was nothing that could make him into a sinner. But he doesn't want to know if his father thinks the same of him. Ewron's made of curiosity and that's something that will either get him killed one day. Or worse, into a sinner, if he already wasn't classified as one.
The reredos behind the altar evokes the same sense of respect into others with it's beauty and intriging design. Along with the statue of Jesus on the wall, there rests The Virgin Mary holding Christ as a baby proudly. Both of their checks dusted in gold and other areas while they remain mostly white because of the quartz they're made of. Saint Christopher, the patron of travelers, being also displayed as the church is named after him. The decorative wall out of dark oak wood was also made in a similiar handmade gothic architecture style. It loomed high and mighty and striking with the same purple curtains that helped frame the backround of the statues out of quartz.
It was a long journey for Ewron to understand that he was bisexual, unfortunately for him. It gnawed at him multiple times. The more he visited the church, the more he realized that he wasn't going to burst into flames and the church wasn't going to fall because he walked in liking both genders. It was just a fact. Though it didn't make it easier to accept. Not when his father made him go into Confessional. Probably thinking that he was an embaressment, a true one. It felt like he was cursed. Each time he would mess up or something small happend that wasn't positive, there was a voice in the back of his head telling him, you cannot like men and women alike and now you are cursed for life.
The organ was placed on the second floor. It gathered dust very easily, so Ewron frequently dusted it off. The organist that played it had made a bad habit of not showing up last minute. Some how that translated to Ewron's father, that Ewron should atleast learn how to play a little bit. Ewron sucks at it, but it seems nobody cares enough to speak up loud enough when he's replacing the organist. Small victories, even if he feels embaressed after each service he plays.
He's had multiple pointless crushes, he rarely ever acted on them fully. Sure, he flirted, but he never went fully into pointless crushes on girls and definitely not guys. He's mostly been with girls, that were sweet and everything, but kinda boring. That's before he met Ash.
The church finally looked clean after three hours of him sweeping, dusting and cleaning the place up. It was perfect for the next day Mass.
It started small and innocent enough. They met through church as Ash's family went every Sunday. Ewron thought he looked handsome, pretty. He stood out in a quiet way with his darker skin, curly black hair and sharp jaw. He wore a lot of purple, white and black. In the church he looked like he belonged there, among the biblical imagery. He blended into the color palette like he was meant to be there. Like an artist that was painting a painting and was too lazy to grab other colors and mix them into the painting, so they used the colors they already had on hand.
The first time they officially talked to each other was in school though. It was the first day and the teacher was assigning seats. Ewron was talking to Nexe, his long time friend. The classroom had each desk and chair for one student, so they couldn't sit together, but they could still be near. They were laughing discretly at how ridiculous some of their classmates looked and acted after not seeing them for two months. In the middle of their conversation, Ash had walked up to the free chair infront of Ewron and taken it as his own by dropping his bag against the desk on the floor.
They made brief eye contact. Ewron wasn't sure it it felt like heaven or God watching him sin. He offered a quick smile that Ash didn't acknowledge until a second later when he sighed and made eye contact with Ewron again, ''How annoying are you on a scale from one to ten?''
Taken aback slightly, he quickly got back online by saying, ''Depends on how far you have a stick shoved up your ass on a scale from one to ten.'' Ewron grinned.
Ash was new. He had just moved to the US with his family just as summer started. He didn't really know anybody, aside from a handful of people. None of which were in this class. Meaning he had to start from scratch. He probably recognized Ewron from church, that's why he decided to sit infront of him.
''You are very.. I'm guessing european?'' Despite his rough and cold exterier, he huffed out a laugh upon hearing Ewron speak to him. Relief probably setting in that he had a chance to make a friend and not be alone at the start of the year.
''Polish. What about you. Where are you from, new guy?'' Ewron almost forgets he was having a conversation with Nexe that was sitting almost right next to him.
''India.'' He answers as he sits down in his chair turned towards Ewron.
Ewron raises his eyebrows and almost tilts his head to the side, but stops himself at the last second, because people love to call him out on the fact he tilts his head and either call it dumb or cute and compare him to a cat, rude. Ewron can't have that. ''How is your accent so clean? I'm jealous.''
Ash just shruggs ''Skill issue.''
''Okay, wow. Rude, new guy-'' He pretends to act offended.
''It's Ash.'' He corrects the shorter man.
Ewron never knew it would be this easy to become friends with Ash. Honestly, the was moment somewhat mesmerizing to him. The way he confidently spoke and held himself almost like he has never known insecurity, like a leader. The way his black curly hair was mostly tamed, but still slightly wild. His skin was clean and of darker complexion. Later Ewron would learn how warm it ran and how nicely it contrasted to his naturally cold body. His eyes were sharp, inteligent, focused. He dressed nicely and polished. No room for mistake, no bullshit, simply clean. Maybe Ewron only found him magnetic, because he himself loved authoritative people.
After a beat of silence Ewron decides to pronounce the name. To see how it fits into his mouth. He had never met anyone who was named Ash, so he had never spoken the name outloud for anybody to hear before.
''Ash..'' He said. It felt nice on his tongue, easy and quick to say and pronounce. It was as easy to say a prayer in church and end it with Amen. He liked it, it suited him. Up until that moment, he thought only girls said they liked peoples names. Mostly when introducing themselfs they let it slip out as a friendly gesture when they didn't know what else to say. Or when picking out names for future children. This was the first time Ewron had heared a name and actually liked it.
''It's nice to meet you. I'm Ewron and this is Nexe.''
Ash nods at Nexe and he acknowledges him back, but they don't really end up talking. Both of their attention is fully on the other. Until now the fact they both saw each other at church goes unmentioned in conversation. Keyword is until now. ''You go to church very often.'' Ash decides to point out.
''Yup.'' Now God was definitely watching. Confessional wasn't saving Ewron's soul, because he's afraid of what his father might do if he hears him utter a word about this. He's doomed. It doesn't stop Ewron from thinking about it days later in bed. The revelation that Ash noticed him before they even started talking.
''You don't seem like a person who would be religious.'' Ash points out and Ewron laughs, half confused but understanding.
Ewron tilts his head, subcontiously doing it. Subcontious habits die hard. ''Why? Too improper because I don't dress properly or is it the hair?''
''I could more so see you doing anything but sitting in church at seven in the morning.''
That's when Nexe speaks up for the first time, ''He does have a point. You bleached a few strands of your hair blond. You like going to parties and loud places. You hate studying-''
''No need to call me out! And it's like I get bad grades. I get Bs and Cs anyway.''
''And you dress like.. Well, actually I don't know your style is basically everything all at once, because you can't decide what looks good on you.'' He finishes.
''Okay, maybe I'm not God's most perfect creation, I know. I'm not really proper.'' Ewron shakes it off. Even if it kinda bothers him.
''Do you only go alone?'' Ash asks the right questions and Ewron will come to this realization soon enough. Ash pays attention to everything and everyone. He has a tendency to overthink even the simplest of actions. But because of this, he's become scarily good at connecting dots together and reading people like a book.
''Well, I'm not really alone, even if I sit alone.'' He feels shame flow into his gut slowly poisoning him, knowing he's going to have to tell him that his father is their priest.
It's not that he's ashamed of his father, no. He's ashamed that he's his son, the one who clouds his reputation. Whether infront of people from time to time or ultimetily infront of the perly gates where God and his own son Jesus reside.
Before he can even confess about his father's work, Nexe decides to once again take the lead. Ewron swears he was going to punch him today. ''His dad's the pastor.''
''Priest.'' Ewron corrects. No matter how many times Ewron tells him his father isn't a pastor, but a priest Nexe doesn't listen to him. Or maybe he just enjoys ragebaiting Ewroon.
Ash looks suprised for a moment before schooling his features into something more natural. ''That makes sense. How often do you go?''
Ewron got the impression, that Ash was trying to figure out how relegious he was. ''Very often. Why?''
''I'm just curious.''
They made good small talk before the teacher cut it short. The seating arrangements were in favor of Ewroon. Everyone he wanted near were seated close enough that Ewron made no protests. Suprisingly, Nexe stayed seated next to Ewron. Guess the teacher never learned her lesson.
Ash was officially seated infront of him too. He quickly became the main subject of where his eyes led him. Ash also very quickly became one of his close friends, much to the confusion of his other friends.
Through their long conversations, he learned Ash wasn't really all that religious. We went to church, prayed once in a while, but he didn't really believe in God or Jesus for that matter. Catholicism wasn't made for him. Ewron never made a point to argue with Ash, because what was the point? How do you change someones whole view of the world, when they don't want it changed. Maybe his father would have tried to argue, but he isn't his father or a priest.
They hung out during and after school. Ewron learned how to navigate Ash's house like the back of his hand. Though they barely went to Ewron's house. He was too scared to invite him over. Too scared what Ash would think of the multiple crosses hung on the walls, of the small 'shrine' his father made to Jesus or the multiple if not a hundred Bibles in different cases and sizes. Of the pictures of Cathedrals and his father, some of his mother were there too.
From what he heard and saw of Ash's family, they weren't as traditional as Ewron's, which was another point of him being scared of what he would think. Ash's family only ever prayed before eating dinner together. It was a contrast to his own. Because in his home they prayed constantly.
His father preached for hours even when he was home and Ewroon was scared Ash would get weirded out or offended. Ewron knew his father never pushed his own religion down people's throats on purpose. He did it subcontiously without even realizing it. Ewron was used to it and so was the rest of his small family.
Ewron made sure to keep his family business private as much as possible when it came to Ash. And his family never knew about Ash either. Not like it would be the first time.
Ash had asked him and made a move to sit next to him during Mass. Ewron always declined or ignored his advances to sit next to him and talk during Mass. Ash stalked it up to him being a strong believer and not wanting to be disrupted. Unbeknownst to Ash, Ewron didn't want God to see and read his thoughts as he was praying. Stealing glances at his biggest sin while every Saint watched him from the walls. Or that it felt like less of a sin and more like a blessing he wanted to carry around forever. If this was the devil tempting him then Ewron knew he was a bad Catholic for willingly succumbing to sin, to the temptation. He was a damned man.
Ewron didn't want Jesus to see. Wasn't he the reason he died? What sort of person disrespects Jesus infront of his own very eyes by succumbing to sin infront of him.
He didn't want his father to realize. He still liked girls and women. He'll still get married and have children long after Ash's presence goes absent in his life. He was still normal even if- no, it wasn't normal. But he was still fixable, even if he couldn't stop this bad phase. Even if he couldn't prevent himself from talking with Ash. He hoped heaven was as understanding as his father preached. What God would turn his own artwork down?
Ewron was still himself, even if he was confused. He still went to church every day. Prayed every single day. He still lit a candle and bathed in the purple colors of the church and helped his father around. Ewron was still friends with Ash. He was still hooked to their conversations that were overflowing with hopes and dreams and what they wanted to achieve. Their faith. Where they wanted to go, what they loved and everything sacred.
They both gave each other their hearts on a silver plater for the other to have and carry.
It felt biblical to Ewron. All of it.