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He leaned over the desk, elbows planted onto the surface, hands framing his face with fingertips pressed against his temples. He watched the computer in front of him, replaying the same clip recorded from his cameras a week earlier.
“Multi, if you're seeing this clip…. You're gonna see the cameras later. You're gonna see the camera footage, but you should know that… I put you on a protection list. You are gonna be protected. Whatever that means.
But as far as I'm aware, the dark federation won't intervene in whatever it is you're doing. So, you should know that— and we should probably speak soon. Okay—”
Multi brought his hands down and placed them on top of the mouse. He dragged it over the video, pausing it right before the ending could be heard again.
He abruptly let go of the mouse. His hands rose further up to his head, fingers slipping into his hair, grabbing onto sensitive pieces. His head fell more forward to the desk, pointing down. His elbows caught him from flopping fully to the desk.
It was part of the recording he listened to hundreds of times already, but couldn't process. It was the ending, the last word— not only for the recording, but for the last time Multi would hear Quackity speak.
Multi tilted his head up again, glancing at the screen ahead. It paused on a frame of Quackity looking right back at the camera.
What made the camera footage so depressing was that it was the last look Multi had of Quackity.
Quackity looked so exhausted, beaten up. Physically and mentally.
His once blue cuffed sleeves were ripped badly as if they went through a shredder machine. The pieces of fabric hung uncomfortably on his forearms. There was still that same dark red stain all over his hands, creeping up to his wrists. It was as if he dug through a body with his bare hands.
All up to his face, you could see visible things. The shadows beneath his eyes were too dark to be healthy. It was like he hadn't slept in days. Which was unusual, knowing he used to sleep a lot. His hair was messy too, poking out of unusual places through his beanie, all distorted.
It really didn't look like his Quackity, and Multi would have thought otherwise if it wasn't for him meeting Quackity earlier that week when he first saw him in that state. Even he was worried.
That same day was when Multi showed Quackity the nuclear missile. It was also when he made that joke.
“What if you just strapped me to it and blew it up? Wherever you want?”
It was a silly joke that Multi dismissed, which Quackity himself laughed at. It was simply a joke.
But now, Multi sitting at his desk, looking at the last footage he had of Quackity, knew it wasn’t a joke. A thought that became a reality was more like it.
It was right there. The sentence he said right to me, knowing I knew he would hurt himself.
How would I have realized it wasn't a joke, only a plan in disguise? He laughed while saying it, like his life was a joke.
Multi pushed himself up from the desk, falling back to lean in his chair. He looked up to the ceiling of the reactor. Swallowing hard.
I should have pushed harder to protect him. I knew it was unsafe for him.
I didn't though.
Multi sighed, though, his breath seemed short.
How would I have even done that though? He only pushes away when he knows you're too close.
But I still let him go.
Multi sat back up in the desk chair, glaring back at the computer screen that was still paused on Quackity.
His computer screen was dim because bright lights pained him and caused headaches. The rest of the reactor had its lights off mostly, other than the glowing green you could never escape. Someone would say that it would be the entrance having the title of the brightest area in his reactor, or Nacho’s room.
But in that moment, to him, it was the computer in front of him, displaying Quackity’s face.
He bit the inside of his cheek as he moved his hand back over to the table, now hovering over the mouse. His finger was a click away from unpausing the video.
Multi knew what Quackity would say next in the video; he had watched it a million times. It was Quackity’s little “bye.”
It was one phrase you would hear everyone say. He said it to Katie many times, she even said it back. He said it to Nacho plenty of times too, even though Nacho would not say it back. He even said it to Graf sometimes. It was something everyone would say with the intention of seeing the other person later.
The difference with Quackity’s bye here was that he had no thought of seeing Multi again.
Multi blinked a couple times, more than normal. It was like something was in his eye he had to let go of, but didn't want to.
He lifted his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes, making them dry again. It would bother him for the rest of the day if something was truly in his eye.
Multi exhaled before picking up the mouse again. He hovered over the play button, waiting for something to happen. Maybe he was expecting something to change.
He rubbed the mouse with his finger for a minute or so, looking away at some points. There wasn't anything else catching his eye though, only the screen in front of him.
He inhaled once more as he directed his attention back to the computer. His finger did one more small tap before clicking the mouse fully. The video unpaused right where it was.
“Bye.”
The video cut off right away, pausing completely before shutting to a black screen. There was no more light shining back at Multi. The reactor filled with silence once again, only a faint TV sound came from Nacho’s room.
Multi bit roughly on his lip as the reflection of himself stared back at him. The background of the green lights seemed to surround Multi, yet he never felt so trapped in darkness before.
“Bye.”
It really wasn't the last time... It was actually on that same day.
Of course it was unexpected, everything was that day.
Quackity had come closer to Multi very quickly. His arms opened wide, reaching around Multi before he could say anything.
Multi felt Quackity’s arms around his waist, hugging him like he knew it was the last time. Of course, Multi didn't.
It felt like any other hug Quackity always gave him. Warm and bright just like Quackity’s personality. Or well, that's what he wanted to remember him as.
Multi that day just stood there when it happened, he didn't even try to hug him back. His arms stayed beside him, letting Quackity go when he wanted.
Quackity always hugged him. And he never reciprocated it.
Multi slammed his elbows onto the table, banging them hard. He threw his head forward, holding it in his hands. Looking down at the table, he clenched his jaw tighter.
Why didn't I move?
He swallowed deeply, exhaling roughly. His hands traveled into familiar spots in his hair, grabbing onto pieces that could hurt.
Multi was ignoring the small beeps his watch produced as he stared back at the screen, looking back at his face.
His vision of himself became blurrier. It was like someone put a filter over him, but it was only his eyes.
He blinked hard, and then once more. He kept blinking until he knew he couldn't hold it back while looking at himself.
He threw his head down to the table, covering it with his arms. The cold metal burned against his cheek, distracting any other pain.
“Oh my fucking god,” Multi muttered to himself. Even talking felt heavy.
He hadn't realized how tight his jaw was and how his teeth almost scraped each other when trying to speak.
He slowly breathed out, trying to get focus back on staying normal. He didn't want to lose it today.
His arms moved a bit, allowing his fingers to wipe his eyes and clear up anything else. His breathing continued to be timed until it got back to normal.
Though, he stayed lying on the table, even moving his cheek around to feel the coldness more. It felt nice to feel something other than the hurt.
He exhaled once more before a sound in the reactor caught his attention.
The sound of the main entrance door opening and closing. The heavy metal echoed to reach Multi. It was loud as if the strong closing was intentional.
His head lifted and looked towards the second door from the decontamination. His eyes lit up, watching intently and waiting for that possibility.
It was someone coming into the reactor. Someone coming home.
Tiny footsteps echoed into the reactor as they came closer to Multi.
They were too light and energetic for anything. Definitely not how he would walk.
The footsteps finally caught up with where Multi was when he froze at the sight. His heartbeat almost relaxed.
“Dada.”
It was only Nacho. Of course.
Nacho ran past him and to his room, closing the door before doing whatever else. The reactor once again became empty.
It's not fair, I shouldn't have wished for him….
Multi had waited too long for someone else to come through the door other than his son. He knew it was going to be Nacho, so why did he try to hope otherwise?
He isn't coming back. Ever.
Multi swallowed as his breathing started to become short again, causing him to chase those breaths. His watch began to beep more as his chest tightened with pain.
One of his hands held tightly onto a part of his lab coat, trying to contain himself as his vision got blurry.
He swallowed, trying not to let that one breath escape, even holding his breath until he couldn't. He knew it would cause the breakdown he was avoiding. He was doing well at it until the idea of Quackity popped back into his mind.
His other hand dug its nails into his thigh. It was an attempt to ignore the pain inside him. It almost grounded it, but the ache in his chest overcame it.
His lips parted as one more sad breath came out. His hand let go of his lab coat and covered his mouth as he silently cried into it. His shoulders shuddered.
Multi felt the warm tears crawl down his cheeks. It started slowly, like there was a possibility for him not to cry at all. But he caved in, letting it all fall at once. Each tear felt heavier than the one before, making his whole face wet and his eyes flood.
His cries were covered by his hand. He knew if he cried too loudly, Nacho would worry. That's the last thing he would want. Someone else Multi cares about worrying about him.
The reactor around him continued to function normally. The only thing that wasn't functioning was Multi himself. He continued to sob as he looked back at his reflection off the computer.
He was supposed to be a god.
He needed no one to worry for him, it wasn't their problem. Gods only worried when others were in potential danger. That's when they would step in and help.
They would also need to protect others. Especially when they knew something was after ones they watched over.
Multi looked away from the computer. He covered his mouth again as the wet cries picked up again.
How would he ever be a god if he couldn't even protect Quackity?
He didn't save Quackity at all like he wanted to. He failed to protect a person who cared about him too. He couldn't do anything he said he would.
He dropped his arms and lowered his gaze to his hands. His lab coat sleeves were stained from older projects he had worked on. Now, there were small wet spots on them.
His fingers branched before he clenched his hands into a fist, digging his nails into his palms. He stared down as his hands trembled.
His hands were supposed to protect and set things for people. They were supposed to even save people before it was too late.
Instead, when Quackity wrapped his own arms around Multi one last time, Multi’s hands stayed at his side. Uselessly.
How was he supposed to do all these godly things for others…
When he couldn't even hug Quackity back.