Archive of Our Own

Ryland Grace is not a picky person. If he ever was, he certainly couldn’t afford to be now; for his own mental sake.

The Eridians are exceedingly kind to him. He’s deeply thankful that they aren’t the “pull the alien specimen apart for research” type of society like Earth certainly was, and he’s amazed by the biodome the Eridians were able to build in such a short time for him to live in. Rocky and Adrian are both super receptive to any requests, and are usually constantly begging him for more things to add or work on to improve his quality of life. He loves teaching, he and Rocky are best friends, he’s safe on a planet not eroding away by its destroyed ecosystems, he has it all.

This is the happiest ending any human alive in the galaxy could ask for right now.

Ryland hates it.

Hate is maybe a strong word, but after so long on Erid he’s become infected with an itch. He catches himself daydreaming about Earth more and more and with that is an ache he can’t think his way out of. While he sits on the beach and stares at the artificial ocean, all he can think about is all the islands past the mirrored waves he’ll never visit. The countries he’d never see, the museums, the tourist traps, the coffee shops and shitty gas stations and weird billboards that Erid could just never replicate. He always wanted to go to Pompeii. It’d be really weird to ask Adrian to fix that up for him.

He scolds himself every time he catches himself feeling that way. He feels terrible for being ungrateful, I mean Jesus Christ, would any Earth government ever build this type of dome for someone for literally any reason? Absolutely not. The technology and engineering going towards keeping him content is unimaginable, and he feels overwhelmingly guilty whenever he finds himself being regretful. But… could you blame him?

One morning, he looks in the mirror and he realizes he is older. Like the first time a college graduate realizes that they’ve left the weird gray area of childhood transitioning into adulthood, that they really aren’t a kid. That the image of themselves in their head isn’t right anymore. Now, obviously, he isn’t elderly. Rocky won’t need to make a walker yet, but it hits him that he seems weighed. His face seems to be more detailed than he remembers it being, a few wrinkles, graying roots, his clothes seem looser on him, though he can’t tell if that’s in his head or not. He doesn’t notice when Rocky lets himself in.

“Grace! Grace! Grace late to school, class starts in just a minute, I make you alarm clock but you don’t use. Stupid stupid stupid.” He chastises, a series of notes flying from him so rapidly Grace has a hard time keeping up as Rocky stomps around the home in his plated suit.

“Ah, shoot, I’m sorry Rock, I didn't even realize how late it was. Give me a second.” Grace tries to shake his thoughts and scrambles to get dressed as Rocky stomps around the house, notes flying off that Grace doesn’t even try to translate. He puts some proper clothes on and runs out the door with Rocky in tow. No matter how long Grace has been here and can understand Rocky fine without his old translator, he still tends to mentally translate it into that old voice and speech pattern that the laptop limited him too. It’s also easier on the brain in quick conversation

Sometimes, Rocky likes to watch Ryland’s class when he’s not busy, it reminds Grace of performance reviews. His brain feels both turbulent and extremely empty as he hurries down the beach towards his stone alcove classroom. He doesn’t remember what he was supposed to talk about today, did he even plan anything in the first place? He turns on his laptop as Rocky stands off to the side, if the kids see him they tend to get derailed trying to convince Grace to let them into the biosphere too.

The Eridian children are as excited as ever to see Grace and immediately perk up from their seats, he can hear them shouting “Hello!” through the barrier. Grace picks up his microphone and tries his best to muster some energy.

“Sorry class! Ran a little late, how’re all of you?” He smiles. The collage of musical notes is hard to pick up on, but he hears a few random “Good!”s and “Teacher Grace! Teacher Grace!”s as they try to grab his attention. They’re practically clambering over each other. The bit of extra time before he got there was enough to get them started on side conversations.

“Okay, okay, settle down,” he tries to reign them in, he looks to his laptop and, to his dismay, finds he really did forget to prep anything. “Uh, okay, today we are going to talk about… uh..”

The kids won’t settle down. He’s used to them being rambunctious, and he can usually handle it pretty well. Earth children are no walk in the park, so he’s got every classroom management trick down to a science, but no matter how much he quiet coyote’d, one two three eyes on me’d, used his authority voice, they wouldn’t stop squealing and chirping.

“Today! Today we’re talking about - Guys! What’s going on? I can’t-” He’s starting to feel overwhelmed. He’s gotten good at translating the language especially with younger Eridians who were still learning progression and tones, but with the cacophony of sounds he can’t pick anything out. Rocky stands off to the side twitching, he looks like he’s debating on whether he should jump in or not. He watches as a smaller Eridian trying to join a larger group’s conversation trips, and falls. Ryland winces, he tries to find something to pull up on his computer to get something started, or distract them. He had never experienced this before with his Eridian classes, normally the novelty of an “alien” teaching class was enough for the kids to pay attention to him. He had the fleeting thought -

Am I old now?

The ache in his heart started again and he freezes typing on his laptop. He looks up at the class. Has he been here so long that a human doesn’t even phase them? Do they see him as any other Eridian teacher? How old are they? His youngest class could’ve been hatched while he’s been here he supposes. How long has he been here?

His breath quickens as he starts to put his Eridian years into perspective. He starts to feel light headed when he goes further to factor in the Hail Mary trip as a whole.

“13 years before I woke up… “ He mutters, “And then… the time there… the time to Erid” He whispers to himself, counting on his fingers. “How long have I been here…? Uh… ten… ten years? Ten Earth years maybe.. Maybe more… How old am I?”

“Grace?” Rocky asks from the side. “Grace okay question? Rocky help with classroom question?”

“Fifty… fifty something. I’m in my fifties I think.. Could’ve been here for fifteen years… late fifties.” His heart drops to his ass. Is he almost sixty? There’s no way. His brain goes white, his breath quickens, he grips onto his desk for just a second to try and settle himself. He presses his eyes together and desperately tries to force himself to pull it together.

“Goddammit Ryland, you’re fine, you’re going to cause a scene.” He thinks as he takes a few deep breaths. He can’t have a nervous breakdown, especially when it’s inconvenient to others.

The whistling and tones of the children fade to the back of Grace’s mind as a faint ringing takes over his hearing.

He looks up.

There are no cliffs, no sand, and no ocean.

There are seats, plastic and wooden with carvings and cracks. There are plaster walls. A Petrova Line on the ceiling. Art projects and maps with pins and markers everywhere.

He’s in his old classroom. He blinks rapidly but it doesn’t waver or dissipate, and he finds he can walk around freely. He can feel the glossy wood of his desk and the tile beneath him feels solid. He can smell the dry-erase markers in the air and the old cold HVAC. He can imagine all of his students in their old seats. He can hear their laughter in the back of his mind framed by the stone silence of the actual room. For a moment, he’s confused, but his brain quickly settles into the delusion. He feels oddly comforted as he takes a moment to be quiet in the space.

“Oh… guys. I wonder what they told all of you.” He mumbles. It’s something he doesn’t like to think about, but occasionally the question creeps into his mind. What did his students think happened to him? “I hope the substitute was nice… and lazy. I hope you all just watched Bill Nye or something for the rest of the year.”

On a cork board there was a small collection of class photos. There’s a couple of them from different years and groups of kids. He’s not in any of them, that would be their actual homeroom teacher, but he always made sure to get a copy every year anyway. As he stares at the faces of his students and looks around the room he can’t help but imagine what they look like all grown up.

“Gone for… God who knows how long. Either way, you’re all well into adulthood. Probably about the age I was when I left. I hope… I hope Earth recovered quickly and you’re all living in a fairly normal world. I hope…” He doesn’t want to say it out loud. But he hopes they all survived. He thinks about the kids he knew had a rough homelife, or weren’t as well off financially, he hopes by some miracle people were able to come together to support each other. He physically shakes his head to try and stop himself from spiraling down the worst case scenario.

“Um, not to sound terrible. I obviously love all my students.” He confesses to no one, “But I really miss you. The Eridians love learning about the things that they missed, like radiation, which is really important! And I’m happy to help. They also like to hear me talk about Earth but it just doesn’t matter, does it? They’ll never experience it. It’s hard for me to like talking about Earth anymore, it feels almost like whenever someone asks it just rubs it in that I’m not there. I miss it so much but it just doesn’t matter to tell anyone else about it. I used to be so optimistic but now I just feel… worn. At least you guys could also tell me about Earth. What lakes you’ve been to, what sand castles you’ve built, what movie you saw. Earth felt like ours and now it just feels like mine. ”

The room is silent. He shakes his head.

“I don’t know what I’m saying. Not a poet.” he stares at the planets hanging from the ceiling. “Guess we don’t need this anymore.” He reaches up and tears down the red streamer he used to demonstrate the Petrova Line. As it flitters to the ground, he tries to remember the sound of his classroom. The laughter. The voices. He closes his eyes, and when he starts to hear the ocean again, he opens them.

He’s back in reality. The Eridians are all frozen pressing their rock faces against the barrier. They react when he opens his eyes, he hears expressions of relief and sighs as he shows signs of life. He looks to find Rocky further up the beach hurrying towards him with Adrian in tow.

“Grace! Grace awake!” Rocky exclaims in the distance.

“Class dismissed.” Is all he manages before he walks off and out of view before slowly lowering himself to the sand.

—--

Grace doesn’t respond to Rocky or Adrian when they reach him. He pulls the oldest trick in the book, the classic “Pretend to be asleep so someone carries you to bed” maneuver. He feels fine, relatively speaking. He could’ve walked. He just couldn’t be bothered.

He feels mean ignoring his friend, but he truly can’t muster up any other response. Rocky worries over him and consistently prompts him with questions about how he’s feeling. Adrian tries to bring Grace food, or water, but he doesn’t stir. He’s not pretending to be asleep anymore, but he’s elected to just not respond. Eventually, Adrian decides to leave to check the biodome. Both them and Rocky are concerned his well being is being impacted by bad oxygen levels, or water, but Grace knows that's not it.

“Grace froze. Eridian children thought that Grace died. Scary scary scary. Why did Grace do that, question?” Rocky asks. He’s frustrated, but in the same way a mother interrogates while tending to a child who fell off a bike.

Grace stays silent.

“Grace has to tell Rocky if something is wrong.” He begs, “Rocky fix.” He clicks quietly.

Ah shoot.

Grace mentally punches himself for being so inconsiderate. He’s been so caught up in his own wallowing depression he didn’t even consider Rocky. Rocky doesn’t know what to look for in human health. Another human could look at Grace and know he’s depressed but physically healthy and not creeping towards death. Rocky can only assume the worst.

“I’m sorry Rocky. I’m okay.” He whispers, “I just… I miss home.” He finally admits to him. “I love everything here, and all you guys do for me, and I really can’t imagine not seeing you all the time. I just miss Earth.”

Rocky seems to settle a little at the confirmation that Grace isn’t actively dying and sits next to the bed. The two are silent for some time.

“Hail Mary has been ready for a while. Grace never wants to go. Grace wants to go now, question?”

“I wouldn’t make it.”

“What does Grace mean, question?”

“Humans don’t live that long. Earth is far away. I might survive the trip but I wouldn’t be able to actually see and experience Earth again the way I’d want to.”

“How long do humans live, question?”

“Eh, about 80 years on average. But in good health maybe 100.”

“Only to 100, question? Rocky has been with Adrian longer than that. Short.”

“I can do my best to reach 110, but I doubt I’d be very fun to be around.”

“Grace is always fun to be around” He mumbles.

“Thanks.” Grace huffs. He turns to stare at the ceiling. “Rocky, can you do me a favor?”

“Yes yes yes, Rocky do favor.” He perks up a little. Grace takes a deep breath.

“Never go to Earth. You all should use the Hail Mary for your own adventures, but never use it to get to Earth. No Eridian should ever go to Earth, ever. So long as humans live on it.” Ryland imagines Rocky going to Earth. He’d be immediately snatched up for research, if not bombed out of the sky. He shakes his head to try and knock the image loose. Rocky seems upset, he squeals as he stands alert.

“Never go to Earth! Why, question?”

“Earth is beautiful. But you wouldn’t be welcome. They’d capture you for research, you’d probably be killed. Humans are wonderful. We’re also greedy.”

“Grace isn’t greedy.”

“You’re lucky it was me on that ship.”

“Rocky is lucky for many reasons.” Rocky clicks to himself for some time, Ryland can see him counting on his claw-hands. “What does Grace miss, question? We build here. Anything. The whole planet.”

He’s desperate to appease his friend. Anything to keep Grace from being miserable while on Erid. He wouldn’t be able to stand it if Grace lived the rest of his short human life regretting his decision to help Rocky, it’s the least he could do.

“Rocky,” Grace groans, “That’s just not really how it works. Thank you, pal. But…” He sighs, “Not to be difficult, but the things I’m missing so bad are the things I don’t even know about. There was a time where I traveled for work, which was great until- well until I messed that up. But my favorite thing was just wandering. Finding weird spots to sit, new food, new people. Finding things I probably wasn’t supposed to find, the thrill of exploring. Which is terrible.”

“Terrible. Terrible. Why terrible, question?” Rocky mutters.

“Terrible because it’s the only thing I can't tell you to replicate” Grace sighs. He surprises himself when his voice cracks a little. He clears his throat. “But, I’ll be okay, Rocky. Alright? Don’t worry. I’m sorry for messing up class today. I really hope I didn’t scare any of them too badly.”

“Eridian children probably think Grace was just upset with their behavior. Will act better next class. Rocky will lecture them.” He says sternly, like a principal. Grace laughs.

“Do you wanna teach a class? I’d pay to see that.”

“No pay. Free.”

“Even better.”

—--

The conversation with Rocky felt nice, but the feelings still linger. The next couple weeks Grace catches himself wallowing. Wallowing more than he did when he first woke up on the Hail Mary. He ends up taking a break from teaching so he can try and feel motivated to make any form of lesson plans, and so he can teach without scaring the kids.

He becomes hyper aware of his age, and his appearance. He spends chunks of time up close in the mirror pointing out new wrinkles he doesn’t remember having, measuring the growth of gray millimeter by millimeter. He sits on the beach for hours at a time just reminiscing. And then he spends hours trying to correct himself. He laments over a beautiful spring morning on Earth, and then he reminds himself that Earth is so terribly destroyed by its climate change from the Sun’s dimming that it’s likely that there will never be a spring morning again. At least, not how he imagines it. This back and forth is not really helpful, but it does assure him of his stuck-ness on Erid. He wants to remember Earth the way he remembers it, not taint those memories by seeing something way worse. He doesn’t really want to go back even if it was possible, but that acknowledgement doesn’t stop the ache.

How many of my favorite artists have died? From age? Or from Earth?

How many friends?

How many acquaintances?

Is Stratt still alive? How is she? I hope she figured it out.

How about Carl?

How many students -

He shakes his head violently and rises from his bed for the first time that day. He reflexively grabs the faded mangled hacky-sack of Earth on his way, and starts squeezing and fidgeting with it so hard he’s afraid it’ll break. He tramples over to his bathroom, knocking against walls, not even bothering to attempt to walk properly even though he’s able. He grips the sink as he tries to get a hold of himself. He got into the habit of covering his mirrors. He tears off the towel covering the glass and presses his forehead against the mirror, staring into his own eyes.

He has a tiny moment of self awareness, looking down at himself from the corner of the room, and feels a little embarrassed. For just a second he’s able to settle down and understand that he’s fine, before the awareness leaves again and he’s back to being upset.

“Ooohh kay Ryland” He says, “It’s fine, and you’re fine, you’re being ridiculous. Well- no, not ridiculous, it’s fair to feel upset.” He tries to find some way to therapy-himself out of it, but obviously that’s not really a thing. If it is, he’s not good at it. “But this spiral is a little irrational. What can we do about it? Uhh.. let’s- I don’t know.” He looks down at the little ball in his hand. He’s been obsessively fidgeting with it while he’s been in his self-prescribed bed-ridden rotfest. It sometimes feels like it helps to have a familiar object with so many good memories attached to it, other times it kind of just feels morbid and like it’s rubbing it in. “Go for a walk? Yeah, sure.”

Long beat of silence.

“Good talk.” He gives himself a thumbs up in the mirror and awkwardly stomps away.

Ryland steps outside his beachside home, hoping to find some fresh air only to find Rocky standing there in his plated suit, Grace jumps violently.

“Rocky!” He yelps. He shoves the mini Earth in his pocket.

“Grace! Friend Grace!” He stomps in place “Surprise, surprise for Grace.”

“Uh, where?” Grace looks up and around the dome, nothing looks out of the ordinary. He turns to look back at his house to see if something is different, but no. Rocky stomps in place, squealing before running off down the beach. Grace walks after him.

“HURRY”

“Oh lord, okay Rock, goodness” Ryland picks up the pace into a light jog, Rocky still outpaces him by a lot. Eventually they hit the edge of the biodome just past the classroom.

“Rocky and Adrian have been working on this for the past couple of weeks. Not done. But Rocky wanted Grace to see, for hope.” There’s a newly installed door in the dome. It looks much like an airlock.

“Wait a second Rocky, that’s not-”

“Yes!” Rocky reaches up and cranks open the door. Grace’s mouth drops.

“Rocky, what? How on Earth…”

“Not on Earth, on Erid. Adrian grounded the Hail Mary. Attached it to the dome. More space now.” Rocky runs inside.

Sure enough, they’ve attached the Hail Mary to the dome. Grace can’t even imagine what this looks like from a practical standpoint on the engineers' side of things. His mouth hangs open as he steps inside, it’s an instant wave of memories and nostalgia.

“How did I not notice you were doing all of this?”

“Grace stuck in bed. Slept through most of it. We are a little surprised, too.”

Grace slowly walks through the ship. His lab is still intact, the sleeping quarters too, everything looks untouched from when he and Rocky left the ship once they landed, down to the centimeter. He doesn’t understand how, and he catches himself every few seconds zoning out like it was all a dream. Out of the windows he can see into the biosphere’s wires and service area.

“Will fix that later.” Rocky waves off as he runs around.

“Wow, Rocky this is a lot. I- wow.” He stands with his hands on his hips trying to take it in. Technically, he could’ve boarded the ship whenever he wanted. It’s been fixed and ready to go for a while, but he never sought it out. Just felt strange. But now, it does feel really nice to be back.

“Grace! There’s more.”

“More? Rocky what have you been up too dude? Have you slept?”

“Stupid question. Follow.” Rocky leads Ryland to the ship's pilot center. “Sit.” Ryland raises an eyebrow, but sits in the chair. The ship's interface lights up like it would normally.

Pilot Detected

Rocky points at the little screen with the star map.

“Eridian space team has sent out probes. Not all are in place yet, it may take a few months. Maybe sooner. They are powered with leftover Astrophage.” Rocky absently taps at the screen. “Probes have transmitters on them. The probes will stop every-” He says a number in Eridian Grace doesn’t quite understand, it’s higher than he’s used too, “To carry messages from the Hail Mary over space. The plan is to get them close enough to Earth so that Grace can say hello.”

And once again, the ground falls out beneath Ryland Grace.

“What?” He breathes out.

“Grace say hello to Earth, will take some more time, and the messages may be slow. But better than nothing.” Rocky says, very matter of factly.

Grace wobbles in the seat for a second. He’s silent as it sinks in. He imagines the look on some poor scientist's face as a transmission comes in from the long defunct Hail Mary.

His mind begins to swarm with reasons it wouldn’t work, it just can’t be possible. Surely the orbit would make it so that this plan would only work in certain years, or seasons. If he did send something to someone specific would the powers actually tell anyone? Or suppress it? Will this put Erid at risk? Is anyone alive to still receive our messages? This sounds so fantastical it just couldn’t be real.

“Does Grace want to send the first message? It will be some time before it arrives, since we are still getting the probes in order. It will reach Earth the second they are done. We will pass it along as they reach their place” Rocky prompts softly, pressing a button on the computer which opens a very simple audio recording software, a tiny red light lights up on the dash. Grace is speechless.

“How long can it record?” He whispers.

“Five minutes in one sitting for just audio, three minutes with video. Grace can send multiple recordings at a time. Not as good as Grace’s video diary. Apologies” Grace nods. He sits silently staring at his hands. All he’s wanted is to see Earth again and here’s this tiny dose of it handed to him on a silver platter and now, he’s not sure what to do.

“Can I do this alone for a second?” he asks.

“Rocky will be able to hear you through-”

“I know, I know, but still. Can you sit outside?” Rocky obliges and clambers down the hall. Grace sits staring at the audio workspace pulled up on the computer. Faces run through his mind, Stratt, Carl, his students, his coworkers. Who knows who's alive, and who knows who will receive this message. He probably should start pretty normally so that whoever it is can figure out what’s happening.

He hits record.

“Hello Earth, this is Doctor Ryland Grace aboard The Hail Mary. Last you heard of me was when I sent some probes back with our little Taumoebas that hopefully fixed your Astrophage problem. I really hope that went well. I come to you from an… interesting situation. I don’t feel comfortable disclosing more until I know who specifically is receiving these messages. I know you know but uh, still. I am safe, and healthy. Uh… I don’t have any official business contacting you. I just… want to say hello. I miss Earth a lot.” He pauses. He’s not sure what else there is to say. “I give you permission to share this message with people. I don’t think a talent release form really works in this format but hopefully it can be waived” He forces a chuckle, “Uh, if you do broadcast this, I just want to say, hello, and if I knew you, I hope you’re okay. I’ve been terrified these past few months that Earth is completely gone, but I know humans are way more resilient than that.. Please respond as quickly as possible, and if you’re one of my old students-” He cringes to himself, he really doesn’t need to do this right now. He considers starting over.

“If you’re one of my old students, I miss you. So much. I hope anything I taught you helped you survive this. I also give you full permission as a being from space to raid whatever center is put in charge of my broadcasts so that you can respond to me. I want to know what you’re up to. Uh, anyway, you can call me back at this number. Please be there. I love you- sorry, well- nevermind, I love you.” He slams the stop button on the computer and hits enter before he can think to take it back. The computer plays a tiny animation of a paper plane leaving one computer and heading towards another.

“Grace done?” He hears Rocky call faintly from outside, his voice muffled by the tons of metal between them.

“Yes, I’m done Rocky.” Grace stares at the computer. That’ll never make it to Earth. There’s no way.

—

The probes are finished within a few weeks, and his message is sent. Rocky says that messages will take two months to reach Erid, and two months to reach Earth. Those next couple of months solidify to Grace that he has become a spoiled brat. He lounges all day and works on lesson plans when he feels like it. He hangs out in The Hail Mary to watch movies in the mental health bay, often inviting Adrian or Rocky over to join. He eats well, and he and Armando invent new board games to play using the few materials and pieces that were stored on the ship. It’s the most picturesque retirement he could imagine, if you ignore the alien environment and biodome.

But despite this, he wants to rip his hair out. His graying, thinning hair. Armando says it isn’t thinning. Grace thinks he’s learned to lie.

The depression comes in waves so suddenly and unpredictably that Grace finds himself disappearing in the middle of conversations to crawl into bed. Some days he sleeps 16 hours without meaning to, and others he doesn’t sleep at all. Sometimes he stares at walls imagining the ultimate worst case scenario of a space ship from Earth suddenly arriving and destroying Erid. It’s impossible, but it stresses him out. It’s an endless cycle. He’s wasting away. He tries to cling to happy memories like when Adrian first showed him his new classroom. He was so ecstatic he cried, and Adrian was thoroughly disturbed by the new knowledge that humans secreted liquid like that. But these memories only remind him how not-happy he feels now.

He considers teaching Eridian scientists on how to make depression medication, he’s sure he can figure it out and translate that over, but who has the energy to do that? Or the motivation to care enough. Rocky notices, of course. He’s constantly bringing Grace things he hopes will cheer him up. Small trinkets he’s made, new additions to the house like fixing a creaky step or adding shelves, having the Eridian children make art for Grace, prattling on about anything just to fill the air, whatever he can think of at the moment, he does.

Grace sneaks over to the ship most nights to record messages just to delete them. He finds that despite his weariness and aches for Earth he doesn’t actually have much to say. He wants to know exactly who he’s talking to before he gets too personal, or shares much about his life on Erid. Obviously, people know where it is, but Grace still doesn’t want to give them a reason to send any crew to come investigate.

And then, one day, as Grace is yet again spending a day staring at his ceiling in bed, Rocky barges in.

“Grace! Message from Earth arrived! Quick Quick Quick!” He yells, practically crawling up the walls. It’s the first day in a while where Grace jumps out of bed.

The two run down the beach. Grace is halfway to vomiting in fear and anticipation, he pauses outside the door to the ship for just a moment. What if it’s something terrible? The unknowns make him halt. But what else is he meant to do? Not listen? Rocky pushes him into the ship and shoves him into the piloting bay. Now, Adrian has put the same mirrors and screens found in the dome and mental health bay around the windows of The Hail Mary, simulating the ship floating in space.

Pilot Detected

Grace throws himself into the seat. On the computer screen in the bottom right corner is a tiny letter with a “2” next to it in bright red letters. Grace takes a deep breath before he opens the first message. They’ve sent back a video as well.

The first thing he sees is a woman. She’s a little older, maybe in her late thirties or early forties, in NASA garb. Her hair is done in neat braids and tied back away from her face, she seems tired, but happy. Grace has a gut reaction that he knows who it is, but he isn’t quite sure, and he doesn’t want to work himself up just to be wrong. He hits play. The audio quality isn’t perfect, a little muffled, but he can hear her fine.

“Hello, Doctor Ryland Grace of The Hail Mary. I am very honored to be the one to send our first message back to you, and I hope to hear from you again. I hope it helps you to know that Earth is recovering. The Taumoeba worked for us, as I hope it worked for you back on Erid. It’s still bad, but it’s not getting worse. We're working around what we have and fortunately it seems the worst has been behind us for a while.”

Her voice immediately confirms to Grace of who this is, but he wants to hear it from her before he truly breaks down. He can feel the tears welling in his eyes and the painful lump form in his throat.

“Originally, I was not on the team who actually received this message. Just so you know, you scared the shit out of them.” She laughs, so does Grace. “But they knew me and brought me in on the project.” Her eyes widen for a second, and she laughs, “Ah! I didn’t introduce myself, I kind of assumed you’d know, but I guess it has been a while! Mr. Grace, it’s Olivia Olaleye.” Grace immediately starts to cry, he knew that, but he didn’t want to be too hopeful.

“Grace okay?” Rocky starts to ask, he seems nervous of Grace’s reaction. The water and snot humans produce has always put him on edge.

“I’m fine, Rocky” He laughs through his tears, “She was a part of my last class before I left.”

“Oh! Oh!” Rocky gets excited, Grace pauses the video for a second, afraid to miss anything while Rocky talks. “Grace’s student! Grace’s student!” He clambers around the room, “Exciting! Good, good, good. Keep going, Grace rude, interrupted.” Grace unpauses the video.

“Thankfully, I didn’t need to raid anything to respond, they just called me. A little after I graduated high school things were getting to a point where common society couldn’t really ignore the problem anymore, and so options got pretty limited. A lot of programs and colleges not directly related to survival closed up because that money could better be used elsewhere. I decided to try and help the best I could, and so I went into aerospace. I found that lady you worked with, kind of by mistake while I was visiting home. She happened to be in town for some reason? Sort of an odd interaction, but I ran into her at the old middleschool. I guess we were both going down memory lane. When I told her I was your student, she put in a really good word for me so I could skip the long waitlist and I was able to get an interview sooner, and get accepted into a good school. And now here I am! Most recently I’ve been a Science Officer for the International Space Station, which is pretty much like working in a fire watch tower. Nowadays, we're pretty focused on making sure Astrophage doesn’t start developing in large numbers again. Uh, hold on, let me start a new message.”

The message ends. Grace almost doesn’t want to start the next one. Finishing the second would mean it’s over, for now. He stares at Olivia’s face on the screen and takes a deep breath. A few tears escape and run down his cheek, but he can’t be bothered. He clicks the second message and presses play.

“Hello, again! Okay, so I also wanted to let you know that yes, your class did help. In a childish way, whenever a professor was giving me problems I’d pull the “My last science teacher is saving Earth as we speak, so I can’t be that wrong” argument, and that got me out of a few tight deadlines. So thank you for that. But also because being in your class helped me understand that there really is a place for me in S.T.E.M. Obviously most of it is a complete sausage fest, coupled with me being one of only a handful of people of color on any of the mission rotations, sometimes I’m met with pushback that is just so… stupid. There was a crazy outcry from a select group of people when I was announced for the I.S.S. It was really weird, who has the time to care about that when the world almost ended? That sort of thing came up in school too, where it would’ve been so much easier to get frustrated and quit. It wasn’t the only thing that kept me going of course, but it was really nice to remember your class and how much fun it was. It helped me remember that even if it sucks now, I’ll enjoy science and academics like I did then, again. I just had to get past the idiots who, even in the face of the apocalypse, found time to be dicks.” She shrugs and thinks for a moment. She claps her hands.

“Also, just so you know. When your probes arrived back to Earth there was a lot of celebration. I was pretty surprised, but they did release the video journals to the public, including the ones with Rocky. I thought that would’ve been a little risky considering the state we were in, but I think maybe it brought a lot of hope. To most people, at least. There is a small group of people who kind of think Rocky is the antichrist, but honestly what else would you expect, people are still people. Let’s see, what else…” She thinks for a moment, “That’s all I can think of for now. I’ve been put in charge of these communications, officially they’re being recognized as “continued care for active duty astronauts” just to have something on the books. This is seen technically as mental health enrichment, but honestly, my higher ups just needed something to write down. They’re not really interested in overseeing what we talk about, unless there’s some new discoveries or research or something. You may get more messages from me in the coming days as I think of things to tell you. I hope you’re doing well, Mr. Grace. You’re deeply missed, but honestly, I’m glad you’re getting a happier ending than most of us down here. Thank you for your hard work, and thank you for the rest of our lives. Signing off for now, Doctor Olivia Olaleye, NASA’s newly appointed Hail Mary Communications Specialist.” She waves and smiles at the camera before she reaches forward, and the video ends.

Grace stares at the screen. His heart beats in his chest hard enough to echo in his ears, and yet his mind is strangely quiet.

“Hey Rocky?” He whispers.

“Yes Grace?” Rocky chirps, he’s excited but seems a little hesitant, not sure how to gauge Grace’s reaction.

“Thank you.” He smiles.

______________________

Over the next few weeks, Grace receives more messages from Olivia. He sends some back. He hopes that once the messages catch up to each other they can have a steady conversation, and both sides will have something to look at everyday. He asks a myriad of questions, some important and upsetting like death tolls, environmental impact, government, etc. Others, more fun. What’s the state of music? Are movies still being made? Olivia sends back photos and news articles and videos. She sends over a newer movie, a big collection of clips only 3 minutes long all out of order, but he thinks it’s pretty good. Olivia sends tiny video diaries of the cities she visits, and keeps him updated on her projects. One day, he receives a video of her bundled up outside, walking.

“Hi Mr. Grace, you mentioned this in a different video, and I happened to be in Italy, so, swung by. Pretty empty, must be because of the cold. Also because, well, not a lot of research being done here anymore. I uh, kind of think it’s a little abandoned.” She flips the camera, there’s some old ruins, and ancient looking buildings, the sky is gray and he can’t see anyone else in the shot. “Oh, at Pompeii, by the way. Let’s look around, there’s not really any guides or defined paths or anything so I think I can just be free range. What's that one- The stag house, let’s see if we can find that.” And just like that, Grace is brought along on something he could only dream of for years. While he clicks through the videos she sent, he loses himself in it and convinces himself for just a moment that they’re actually there together. After he finishes watching them, he sits up and smiles, and starts a video.

“Hi Olivia! Thank you for the Pompeii tour, I’ve always wanted to see it. Maybe it’s good I didn’t see it until now. If I had done it while I was on Earth, they wouldn’t have let me get near as close to most of what you saw. I have an idea, and it’s up to you if you want to do it.” He smiles, “Would you want to teach my class?”

____

Two months later, Grace is finally able to present Olivia’s presentation. All he had to do was string all the clips together, Olivia already edited everything. He doesn’t watch any of the footage, just clipped it together and exported. He sets up the tv and has Rocky make sure every Eridian has access to the tools they need to properly see the screen. They’re glued to the screen as she talks and shows them videos she’s taken of Earth, as well as some old videos before the decline. She talks about civilization, and human culture and architecture, as well as food, biomes, anything she can think to mention. When it cuts to her talking the camera is on a tripod, and she stands a few feet away. The background very much looks to Grace like she’s in San Francisco, it’s very familiar.

“This is all just a small preview of Earth! I’m sure Doctor Grace has shown you all a lot, but I’m happy I also got to share some of my favorite things and places. One of which is where I’m standing right now!” She walks towards the camera and turns it to the right to reveal Grover Cleveland Middle School. “This is where Mr. Grace used to teach me, just like he’s doing with you all now. And right over here-” She covers the lens, and when she uncovers it she’s standing in a little plaza, a clever transition technique that a few students emote over, it’s not San Francisco anymore, but he isn’t quite sure where. There’s a few families milling around her and people passing by in the background. Everyone is dressed for cold weather. It seems like a bustling city.

“In D.C, our country's capital, we have something preeettyy cool.” She moves the camera again to reveal a large statue. It’s golden, and maybe 10 feet tall. It's Grace. “A statue of the man we all owe our lives to. Your teacher and mine, Doctor Ryland Grace.” The Eridian children Oooh and Awe at the statue. It depicts Grace standing more nobly than he ever actually has, back straight and chest puffed looking upwards to the sky. He’s dressed casually, like he was going to school. In his right hand he holds an astronaut helmet loosely to his side, and in his left hand he holds his glasses by the end of the arm. “Depicted like any one of us. A normal citizen choosing between normalcy and the stars.” Olivia explains, “You all know Grace is cool, he’s a great teacher. But next time you misbehave in class,” She turns the camera back to herself, she’s smiling and pointing at the camera as if chastising, “Just remember there’s an entire planet out there who defers to him.” She laughs a little, “Anyway, thank you all for having me today! Please let Mr. Grace know what you thought and if you have any questions he’ll send them my way. I wish I could be there in person, but I hope this was good enough. Thanks again! This is Doctor Olivia signing out.” She waves and the video ends. The class erupts in questions and comments and cheers for Olivia. He doesn’t try to calm them down at all and instead lets the noise wash over him.

When class ends that day, he sends a video to Olivia thanking her for her time, and lets her know how excited everyone was. He sends it over, and walks to the beach and sits. As the waves wash up to his shoes, he looks out at the reflective wall. Then he looks at his hands. A little wrinkled. He waits for the crash, but it doesn’t come. After some time he heads back home. He stares at himself in the mirror, his hair is overtaken with gray. He runs his fingers through it, and yet there is no pit in his stomach. He sits on the edge of the bed, and finds that he can rise from it again without much struggle aside from the creak in his knees. He peeks his head out of his front door, and looks over the biodome. Nothing stirs in the enclosure, or in his mind.

He kind of thought healing would feel more intense. That acceptance and coping would bring a permanent rosy warmth to the edge of his mind. Olivia and her videos have helped put into perspective Grace’s time alive. That it has been well spent. That it has been worthwhile. It has brought him invaluable peace, certainly. But the absence of pain does not create joy, it just makes more room for it. He sits for some time, staring off into nowhere, until he sees Rocky approaching out of the corner of his eye.

“Howdy Rockstar!” He waves and shouts over, “How’s the family doing?” Rocky clambers to Grace's side.

“Good good good, family is good. Adrian is very tired, but is doing well.” Rocky faces Ryland, and Grace hears a little skittering noise. A much smaller, greener version of Rocky clambers from off his back to the top of his head. In its own very small protective plating.

“Hi Junior!” Grace smiles brightly. “Rocky, if you only make protective suits for your kids, and my students see that, they’re going to be verrrryy upset. They’ve been begging you to let them into the dome for ages now.”

“Junior is very well behaved. Rocky has seen how other Eridians raise their children, not as good for biosphere trip.” Rocky hums, critically. Grace laughs.

“You’re starting to sound like a PTA mom.”

“Rocky doesn’t understand, Rocky sounds like good parent?”

“Totally, you’re a very good parent Rock.” Grace smiles. There it is. A warmth spreads in Grace’s chest, and he feels light. There’s a buzzing he hasn’t felt in a very long time, it feels like his heart is back into rhythm.

“Hey Rocky? When you’re not busy, could I ask a favor?”

“Of course, what does Grace need?” Rocky turns to watch Junior splash in the water. Grace stretches out his legs with a tiny wince. He takes out a piece of folded paper from his pocket and hands it to Rocky.

“Think you could make me a walker?”