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The cold, dark cell seemed to dim its lights second by second, leaving Eva in complete darkness.
It hasn't been long since the ship left the orbit and she was sentenced to life in the prison. She expected for the governments to suddenly turn on her. The governments that supported every decision that came out of her mouth, instantly moving at her command.
The governments she saved from death.
She didn't care about any of it. She had accepted her role as the scapegoat of the humanity she cared about. She could only hope for the ship to arrive at Tau Ceti and for them to wake up from their coma.
The crewmates.
She knew she picked her crew for the ship well. All of them capable of succeeding in the mission, with the right set of skills.
Commander Yáo, the brilliant pilot who can lead the ship perfectly.
Olesya Ilyukhina, the engineer who knew the ship in and out.
And...
Ryland Grace. Their lead scientist in astrophage, who was there since day one.
His tears came to her mind. Him begging for her to not let him die.
"You're murdering me!"
"Please don't send me off to die, please! Please..."
"This is murder!"
"I can't do it! Please!"
She closed her eyes, trying to forget his voice that called out to her in agony. His blue eyes filling up with tears, sobs choking his throat.
She opened her eyes again, ignoring the one single tear that left her eye.
She had to do what had to be done. The reason they gave her the power in the first place was her ability to make harder decisions. She didn't care about sentimentality or tears, she was focused on the mission only.
Although, maybe she did care about him too much.
It started as respect towards him. She didn't care about him, only his usefulness. There wasn't anything else.
As he became more involved within the project, they grew closer. She would pretend not to see his approval seeking eyes, his eagerness to save the world.
He just had to make it more difficult by refusing to go on the ship when they needed him the most.
Maybe he thought that Eva liked him, that she cared more about him rather than the knowledge he carried.
In the end he felt betrayed. By his own emotions. Because he expected too much.
She took a deep breath, trying to drift away from the unnecessary emotions that came with remembering him.
Her lead scientist and second-in-command.
"Are you still there, Doctor Grace?"
Her voice came out tired, like she was done from everything she endured in the prison.
She endured the mean looks, the guards' indifference, the disgust at the sight of her.
She did not want Ryland Grace to torture her too.
He's been there for weeks. In the corner of her tiny cell, staring at her with his blue terrifying eyes.
He was always in the last clothes she saw him in. The black beanie, the wireframe glasses, black sweater.
And that stupid yellow raincoat.
The one he always wore like it was a part of his skin. Even if it wasn't rainy or cold, always there with him.
Grace, or what looked like him, tilted his head, looking at Eva the same way he always did for the past four weeks.
She must be hallucinating. After all, being in the dark for so long can make human brain see things that aren't there. The thing that Grace said once during one night at the Vat.
Human brain can see things that aren't there in the dark.
"Stratt."
The ghost spoke for the first time, his glasses shining in an otherworldly way.
"Doctor Grace." Eva said again.
"You can drop the formality." Grace told her. "They don't matter anymore in here, do they?"
"That's right." She wasn't Director Stratt anymore. She was just Eva.
"Do you regret anything?" The ghost asked her.
Her answer was firm. "No. It had to be done for the sake of humanity."
Grace stopped in his tracks. "I see..." he murmured in a thoughtful way.
"I didn't expect otherwise from you. You're dedicated. You still are. Anyone would've protested if they were in your place. Because, you saved the world and.. they can live without any worries again."
"I knew the consequences." Eva answered, cold. "I knew they would take me to court. It was... inevitable."
"I know." The ghost said. "I always... admired that."
There was silence for a while. Grace sat next to Eva on the cold mattress, looking at her.
And he smiled. Not a happy one, but not a sad one either.
"It hurt." He said abruptly.
He ways did that during their time in the Petrova Taskforce. Ryland Grace always had an overthinking mind that was smarter than others. He would become hyperfocused and work by himself, answering whatever they asked about while no one was looking.
It would surprise the other scientists, but they got used to it after a while.
It was harder for Eva to adapt. She didn't like not being able to understand him, it wasn't like she could read his mind.
"What hurt?" She asked him.
Grace looked away, like looking at her brought him too much pain.
Like she didn't feel pain by looking at her coworker's ghost.
"Betrayal hurt." He spoke quietly.
Ah.
She understood now.
"It may seem like I'm betraying you, but this is me believing in you." Stratt said, looking devoid of any emotion.
"It sure does feel like you're betraying me!" Grace yelled at her, his voice cracking. Tears streamed quietly on his face.
"Sit down and we'll do this differently." She said calmly.
"No! You can't- you can't do this!" Grace squirmed away from the bodyguards Stratt called over.
"You'll be remembered as a hero."
"You'll be remembered as a hero." The ghost repeated to Eva. "That's what you said to me."
"Yes." Eva told him. "I was right. You are remembered as a hero. With Commander Yáo and Ilyukhina. The saviours of Earth."
No mention of Eva Stratt, the woman behind the Taskforce. The one who orchestrated everything, the fate of Earth on her shoulder.
Every unethical thing she did just to make sure humanity survived.
"But I didn't care about being hero." Grace said, solemn. "I didn't want to be remembered as a hero. I just wanted to live."
He looked at her again. "I'm sorry if that seemed wrong to you."
She couldn't breathe from the heaviness on her chest, bottling up her emotions in front of him. She didn't dare to cry. Not when-
"You killed me." Grace spoke again. "I get that I was the most suitable one, from the coma gene and everything, but- I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to make this decision in three hours."
His eyes got wet. "You didn't even let me say goodbye to anyone."
"You didn't have any immediate family." Eva started, "you didn't have anyone to say goodbye to-"
"I had friends!" Grace screamed at her for the first time, making her flinch.
"I had Dimitri! I had Lokken! They were my friends Eva! Don't you think they deserved to know at least where I was going?!"
For the first time he's crying, not as a man but as a ghost, a hallucination only his reluctant torturer can see.
She can't believe that she managed to make his hallucination cry too.
"I had a family!" His sobs having a glitching effect on his non-existing voice, tears streaming down his too pale cheeks.
She froze.
Ryland Grace didn't have a family. Not that she knew of. There wasn't anyone listed in his files...
"You don't have anyone listed as family in your files." She said in her director tone.
"Just because it's not by blood doesn't mean that I don't have one!" He looked at her with tears.
"My students are my family! My colleagues, even my boss- they're all my family! You can't say that I don't have one!"
His sobbing was getting worse, making her feel fear for the first time since the explosion.
For the first time since she dragged him to that ship.
"I didn't know." She finally said. "And I'm sorry."
He looked at her, bewildered by the apology.
"You apologize... after I die?" he had no more tears to shed. "It's too late, Eva. I am dead because of you."
"You killed me." He stood in front of her, furious. "You're a murderer."
Eva couldn't look at his eyes.
"I had to do it." she defended herself. "I'll admit, I liked your company, but I had to do it for the greater good. It was bigger than me."
Grace's eyes softened. His lip trembles with sorrow on his own behalf.
"I didn't want this either. But I have to just accept that while you get to live. It's not fair."
"It's a prison."
"You're still alive, aren't you?!"
He trembled, realizing what he said. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't. I'm really sorry, Eva..."
He mumbled apology after apology, trying to fix his mistake. Like his anger wasn't justified.
Like he was still alive.
Eva watched the ghost lose his mind with regret and guilt, his apologies mending together to create an amalgamation of words.
"Ryland."
He turned his head to Eva, hearing his first name from her for the first time. He was still shaking, like he feared her.
Probably remembering his last memories of her.
"Stop." She ordered. Her voice was firm. "Stop blaming yourself. You have every right to be angry, and I understand that."
Grace's gaze was filled with exhaustion. Exhaustion of everything, his death, the pain, the fear.
"Why couldn't I stay too? Why don't I deserve to live too?" His voice was thick.
I'm sorry.
That's what she wanted to say. That's what she already told him.
But words couldn't bring Ryland Grace back.
Nothing can.
He's drifting in space right now, and he won't wake up for another 11 years.
When he wakes up, he won't remember anything. Not his name, not his students, not his colleagues...
Not Eva.
But at least this version of him remembered her.
"I don't know," she finally answered the ghost's question. "I wish I had the chance to give you that wish."
Grace stared at her for a bit, and with nothing to do, he turned to his usual corner.
Just sitting and watching his own murderer.
The guards around her cell turned to each other in disturbed looks, not understanding what was going on inside the cell.
It seemed like the director was talking to her former second-in-command, like he was still there and alive.
That poor woman.
Talking to her own victim.