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A loud clatter rattled the atelier as Qifrey flung open the kitchen door. The crockery on the shelves threatened to fall as all four girls' heads sprung up over the wall behind the couch.
"Girls!" Qifrey said urgently, making strange, frantic movements with his hands. He felt like he couldn't breathe let alone articulate his panic.
"Master?" Coco squeaked, sinking down enough that only her wide, green eyes were visible.
Breathlessly and almost clumsily, Qifrey stomped up the steps and stood before them. His hat in his hand, still being waved around in front of him with urgency. Each of the girls looked both confused and a little afraid, even Brushbuddy wedged itself between two cushions. All Qifrey could do was make a desperate, short grunt in his throat, gesturing at his cap.
"Fascinating, is this some kind of incomplete silencing spell?" Agott pondered, being the first girl to snap out of their shock.
"Or is this some kind of test?" Richeh said deadpan as she shoved her hand into the couch to fish Brushbuddy out.
"No! My ornament—the ribbon. Where is it?!" Qifrey managed to force out as he mimed straightening out his ribbon to his side.
All of the apprentices shook their heads and none looked guilty. If anything, they seemed concerned to. Although, whether that was for the missing ribbon or for their Master's sanity, it was hard to tell.
Without saying another word, Qifrey practically ran into Olruggio's atelier, even though he knew he had left for Khaln that morning. Then, he exited out of the cottage door and stomped around the perimeter of the atelier again. Hoping that he would see the precious, black promise hiding in the long grass. However, just as the countless times that morning, his search was fruitless.
He could barely think straight, no matter how many times he tried to think back to when he saw it last, it was impossible to place. There was nowhere he had been outside of the downs in over a day, but even then, he wasn't sure when he could have lost it.
As he continued his maddening search, his mind began to berate him with all manner of hideous thoughts.
How could you be so careless?
How could you lose something so precious?
How could you lose that piece of Olruggio you stole from him that day?
Did you really get so comfortable that you stopped noticing you even had it? Do you even care about it anymore? What does it mean to you? What does Olly mean to you?
Obviously, not that much anymore, or you wouldn't have lost it.
Ungrateful. Careless. Undeserving.
Qifrey's thoughts swiftly began decaying his rationality. Even though he was still outside searching for it, he wasn't processing the environment at all. Every patch of grass was a blur of sharp greens and every tree and bush looked the same. The only thing that eventually drew his attention from his hopeless hunt, was the four turquoise triangles bobbing up and down in amongst the low, rolling hills.
It was sweet that the girls had also joined in, even though they had no true idea of how precious the lost promise truly was. He would be sure to thank them later, whether they found anything or not. Providing he hadn't entirely lost his waning sanity between now and supper.
Even Brushbuddy was getting involved, chirping and weaving between the undergrowth between Qifrey's boots.
He felt terrible that even an animal had picked up on his anxiety. He dared not imagine how deranged he was coming across to those searching around him. It was a blessing in a way that Olruggio wasn't home, he did not want to see him. Not right now. He was certain all he would be able to see in his face was the young boy he'd made a promise to all those years ago.
Even now, he could see that bright, panicked but reassuring grin that lit up Olruggio's face that day. All before he traded a piece of himself for Qifrey forever.
Qifrey hadn't realised he had been stood, frozen in place until a cloud of pink curls popped up in front of him and a handkerchief was waved in his face. Stiffly, he took the handkerchief from her, but just held it out between them. His mind was not in the right state to realise that his eye was welling with tears.
"You must really miss it, huh?" Tetia said quietly, dabbing her own cheek to encourage Qifrey to do the same.
"Oh! Apologies, Tetia… I…" he could still barely get his words out, "… It must be all the pollen we're kicking up out here".
His weak smile was not enough to reassure her, but valiantly she managed to bite her tongue and not press him any further about why her Master was weeping by a cluster of shrubs. Thankfully, a gust of wind cut between them as both Coco and Agott flew above head, towards a family of tall pine trees in the distance.
"Those two are going to look up high. So, maybe we should try looking inside?" Tetia offered quietly, holding out her hand and tugging Qifrey along back to the atelier.
It wasn't worth arguing or pulling away from her. It was horribly kind with how she was acting around him. She shouldn't have to look after him like this, especially when he had done something so cruel and careless with losing Olruggio's ribbon. He didn't deserve any help from any one of them.
He didn't deserve the girls, Olly, the atelier, his life, their home… anything. This was the life promised to him, but now he had broken that promise. It wouldn't have been a surprise to him if the entire world suddenly faded to black and he was dragged down into the murky depths of the ocean for his sin; never to resurface.
Qifrey completely blanked out as they'd walked back into the atelier. He couldn't remember how long he had been sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. He couldn't even remember how he got there.
Richeh had squeezed herself into one of the cabinets beneath the counter top. Tetia was on her knees, rolling up and checking beneath each rug and under every piece of furniture. They both worked quietly, the only sound he could hear was the occasional shouts from Coco and Agott when they soared over the atelier.
Slowly, he pushed his cap away as his forehead hit the table. He was so close to breaking down completely; sobbing and howling like a little boy who had lost everything. A few tears escaped from his waterline, tempting him to let go entirely. However, the only thing that pulled him from the spiral that had it's tendrils licking at his ankles, was a sudden, firm slap to his back.
"Cheer up, misery guts," Olruggio's smooth, chuckle sounded from behind him.
Qifrey was torn. Torn between hiding his face in his folded arms forever, or spinning around and begging Olruggio for forgiveness. He couldn't do that, not with Tetia and Richeh still rummaging about around them. So instead, he kept his forehead pressed to the solid, wooden table.
Another chuckle reverberated through him, which made Qifrey feel all the worse.
Stop being so lovely and warm. Please. I don't deserve it. You don't know what I've done.
But, as his thoughts threatened to poison his mind once more, a silky bundle of fabric was poked playfully into his clenched fist. With a gasp, Qifrey sat up quick enough to give himself head rush. The bundle of ribbon met his chest as he clutched it tighter than he ever had before.
"Girls? Could you please go study in your rooms, right now, please?" Qifrey said breathlessly, he probably sounded demanding, but both Tetia and Richeh quickly scrambled to their rooms.
Again, supper would be his apology to them all.
As soon as he heard their bedroom door click shut, Qifrey threw himself at Olruggio. His arms both crossed over his chest, still pressing the ribbon as close to his heart as his bowing ribcage would allow. It took a moment for the stunned man to react, but eventually, hesitant arms wrapped around his shoulders.
Then the real tears came; harsh and heavy sobs that soaked the tassels attached to the front of Olruggio's cloak. Through hiccups and thick swallows, Qifrey tried to blub out some kind of thank you or apology.
"Olly, Ol'… O… where did you–. Where was it? I thought I'd lost yo–… it. I thought I'd lost it".
Olruggio took his shoulders in his hands and slowly peeled him away, just enough to catch his bleary eye. He looked incredibly concerned, but also a little guilty.
"Sorry, I didn't realise ya' were gonna' be upset like this," Olruggio said as his thumb rubbed over Qifrey's collarbone. "It's been in my room, uh… dryin'…"
"D-drying?" Qifrey sniffled. Glancing over to Olruggio's room.
"Yeah, I took it from ya' this mornin' and washed it. Didn't get a chance to dry it and say before I had'ta go Khaln. I'd just seen ya' chewin' on that thing one too many times when ya' deep in thought. Heavens knows where that thing's been, can't have ya' getin' sick from it, can I?"
Oh, there it was. There was that lovely, bright, wide smile that had reassured him all those years ago. The moment before he was given that ribbon the first time. The relief was insurmountable, almost enough to feel the silverwood crawl behind his eye socket. But, the reminder of their promise was enough to keep it at bay for now.
"Thank you, thank you Olly," Qifrey gushed, barely managing to affix the ribbon back on his cap. "I promise I will not chew on it anymore… or… I don't know, I just… thank you, truly".
Olruggio shook his head as his hand came up to rub the back of his neck.
"Nah, 's on me. I shoulda' said somethin' before I left. I know how much that thing means to ya'," He said bashfully, with another near-cheesy grin. "Forgive me?"
That wonderful grin suddenly became peppered with pecks of gratitude and more breathless thank yous, as Qifrey held his face with trembling hands.
"Please don't blame yourself, my heart. It's just me. Silly old me being all sentimental again," he weakly assured, trying his hardest to give Olruggio back a similarly convincing smile. "Instead, forgive me for being such a mess of a man?"
"I'll always forgive ya', no need to ask," Olruggio murmured warmly, pressing a chaste kiss to Qifrey's blotchy cheek.
I know you'll always forgive this old fool... and I will forever be sorry for that.