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The streets of Penacony were as vibrant as usual. Ambient light illuminated from the dreamscape sky as every building flashed a new advertisement. From "Premiere Film!” to “New and Exciting Dream Bubbles!”. In Penacony, there was truly something for everyone, a dream appealing to someone. Rather, there had to be in order to keep the streets lined with dreamers.
His gold wristwatch sparkled like a cold, crisp bottle of Souldglad, contrasting with his pale blonde hair. His gold-rimmed shades, which cost more than most people will make in their lives, hid away his colorful Avgin eyes. Aventurine blended in perfectly within the decadent scene. But unlike his lively surroundings, something was eating away at the Stoneheart.
Dr. Veritas Ratio, the renowned and accomplished representative of the Intelligencia Guild. Unbeknownst to him, he was also a plague on Aventurine's heart and mind. Ever since his encounter (and betrayal) with the doctor, Aventurine hasn’t been able to get him off his mind. Within the short time they had known each other, it seemed like Ratio had made it his commitment to unravel the Stoneheart down to his core, analyzing every bit of Aventurine. Aventurine tried to tell himself it was just the doctor’s inherent analytical nature, but the notion that the doctor wanted to truly understand him, know him, wouldn’t leave.
At first, under the doctor’s gaze, he felt like some scientific specimen that the doctor merely wanted to toy with. But the more they spoke, and the longer their eye contact lasted in each conversation, Aventurine began to develop the forbidden idea that the doctor cared about him beyond just being colleagues. And if he did, he would be the only one to do so in a long, long time.
However, by now the doctor definitely must’ve known of the mess Aventurine made in Penacony, and lost all interest in him like everyone else.
But today, back in Penacony where they first met, his attention was demanded elsewhere.
With the political tides shifting in Penacony between the IPC and The Family following the stellaron incident, Aventurine had come to make some deals in favor of the IPC. Thus, he found himself at a popular bar where they had agreed to meet. He walked through the double doors of the establishment and was immediately greeted and escorted. “Right this way sir, we have your table in the VIP area ready.”
Aventurine came up on the table where his liaison was seated.
“Aventurine! Good to see you’re alive and well.”
“Yes, same to you, my friend. I hope your interstellar travels have been smooth?” they began to engage in the preliminary polite banter that precedes the real conversation they are here to have.
After a while, they begin to get into the meat of the conversation: under the table money, compromises, and tenuous promises. Aventurine makes a lot of short lived promises with a permanent grin on his face. As they begin to wind down and slip back into casual conversation, Aventurine catches a glimpse behind his guest, and nearly chokes on his wine. Out of anyone else in the universe, none other than Veritas Ratio is sitting directly behind the liaison. Aventurine recognizes his purple hair and gold laurel anywhere. The doctor doesn’t see him, his back is to Aventurine as he faces what looks like a representative of The Family.
The rest of the meeting was a blur. All of his senses were focused on the purple haired man before him, trying to find out what he was saying, what he was doing.
Why was he here?
Eventually, the drag of a meeting ends with a terse handshake and Aventurine weaves between tables in a hurry, hoping to catch a sense of where the doctor could be. Yet just as he comes within sight of the door, he sees his dear doctor briskly exit, lost to the hustle and bustle of Penacony nightlife.
After the initial disappointment, Aventurine realises it was probably for the best that the doctor didn’t see him. After all, Aventurine has no idea what he thought of him now. After seeing Aventurine get duped by the Family and nearly eviscerate the very dreamscape where they were now, surely the doctor wanted nothing to do with him. What would they have to talk about? What was it Aventurine wanted to say to him? Yeah, their missed encounter was for the best.
But one thing was for certain: for better or worse, the doctor was in Penacony at the same time as Aventurine. Surely, nothing good could come from this.
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Aventurine slumps back in a plush chair in his suite, the very same one as last time. He holds his cornerstone in one hand and a glass of…something in the other. His gaze is fixated on the stone which almost cost him his life. Aventurine is an invaluable and cheap stone, barely considered a precious gemstone at all. Anyone would rather acquire the other established “precious gems” rather than waste their storage on the negligible aventurine. That’s what made it so laughable to the Stoneheart that this humble cornerstone is valued above his own life. If it had not been for the power of the preservation imbued within, it would be little more than a pebble. Yet Aventurine was willing to bet that even a dull piece of the stone with no power at all would be of higher value to the IPC than himself. Overall, it was a very fitting title for him.
Outside of the meeting he had a week ago, he had no other directives from the other Stonehearts. So, he sat idly by in Penacony, stuck alone with his thoughts. Today's menial distraction was a magazine filled with nothing but bland celebrity gossip and alcohol, but neither had worked. His mind and attention were elsewhere. Yet again, his head was enraptured with thoughts of the doctor. Had he really not seen Aventurine, or was he deliberately avoiding him? Will they see each other again anytime soon? Why was Aventurine still thinking about him? Aventurine closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance at himself.
“Be real with yourself, Stoneheart.” That nagging, gnawing voice was back again. “The doctor gave you up to Sunday because he no longer needed you. He didn’t want you then, he certainly doesn’t want you now.”
”Shut up,” he said to an empty room. Aeons, he was losing it. He couldn’t discern if what he went through with the doctor was the beginnings of a true relationship or if he made it all up in his mind to make himself feel wanted.
He emptied the glass in his hand.
Oh, how he wanted it all to be so real. He wanted Veritas glued to his side again, critiquing his every breath and move. He wanted to hear him call him a “damn gambler” again in that tone that only a lover could use. Hell, he wanted the doctor alone with him in this suite right now. At least it wouldn’t feel so damn empty.
Yeah, Aventurine had lost it.
As if the Aeons answered his prayers to end his psychotic spiral, his phone buzzed with a notification. A message, no, an invitation from Jade. He had been invited to an impromptu celebratory party in honor of lessening tensions within Penacony between competing factions. This was a signal to him that not only was there finally a distraction, but also that his time in Penacony was coming to an end. He confirmed his attendance to Jade and went to pour another drink.
__________________________________________
The Reverie hotel was bursting with dignitaries from across the stars. All of The Family houses-Alfalfa, Bloodhound, Iris, Nightingale, Oak- were represented and packed into the 5-star hotel like expensive sardines. The Harmonious choir served as entertainment as they serenaded everyone in attendance. Members of the Harmony or not, everyone found their song to be a great calming undertone to the otherwise hectic revelry.
Aventurine’s job was simply to be there, all bark no bite. As the night went on, he weaved between the crowds diplomatically. Flash a smile here, shake a firm hand there, and his job was primarily done. After finishing a long round of sprinkling small talk around the room, he decided to retire to the bar. He had earned himself something strong to soothe the eventual headache that results from fake smiling.
Despite his private indulgences, he never got drunk at parties. Aventurine recognized not only the harm such an act would do to the IPC’s image, but himself. The chance that one of his many enemies was at an event was never zero. And at the very least, Avgin eyes were famously recognized among the most infamous markets. He was staring into the opaque wine when he saw a glint of purple highlight the rim of his cup. A familiar scent, a familiar presence sat itself silently beside him. He recognized it instantly.
“Doctor, to what do I owe the pleasure!” a grin slid across his face. “What? Too wise to drink amongst the common man?” He knew the doctor didn’t drink, but that didn’t stop him from incessantly teasing the doctor over it.
Ratio dragged out a sigh before responding, “Gambler, you know I don’t partake in such activities for practical reasons. I’d prefer to live a long life undeterred by cirrhosis.”
Aventurine chuckled at this before they were met with an awkward silence. Usually, Aventurine would come up with a snarky comment to spark conversation. Yet, for some reason, his mind blanked on Ratio. He began to turn inward; why is Ratio talking to him? Is he unaware of what he’s done? No, the doctor knows all. What Aventurine was sure he was going to get was a harsh, overanalytical berating.
Ratio was under a completely different impression of their current situation than Aventurine. He thought the silence they shared was comfortable, allowing him to think of what to say to his dear gambler. In all honesty, he was scared out of his mind when he heard what had happened between Aventurine and the Nihility. From his extensive research and common knowledge, he knew emanators were no joke, much less one seeking the destruction of their own path. Yet Aventurine, darling, slightly suicidal Aventurine, had challeged one directly, took a direct slash from her blade, and proceeded to walk into literal oblivion. It also didn’t help that there was extensive silence from the Stoneheard afterward. At the time, Ratio couldn’t stop the feeling that maybe Aventurine had won his final gamble and died the spectacular death he so wished for.
But his anxiety was relieved after seeing the blonde from across the room. He knew the IPC would be represented here, but he never would have guessed Aventurine would return so soon to what could've been his final resting place. Now, the doctor sits beside him, taking his time to decide what to say as to not give away his worries to the gambler, who must've been under 10 times the weight. The guilt that ate up Ratio from their situation had turned to pointed determination to take care of Aventurine as he should’ve done a long time ago. Ratio wasn’t able to be there for Aventurine then, so he sure as hell was going to be with him now.
The longer they sat, the more Aventurine’s irksome thoughts soured his attitude.The doctor’s silence must’ve meant he was expecting something from Aventurine, something he had no right to do. Aventurine had given too much attention, headspace, and care for the doctor than he, as a stoneheart, should have. After plaguing his mind for months, driving Aventurine damn near insane, he couldn’t even hold conversation? Ratio never spoke up when it mattered. That fateful day in the meeting with Sunday, he had sat silently by as Aventurine was cursed to die by the Harmony. And sure, he had ultimately helped him out a little, but other than that the doctor moved on with his life, from Aventurine. After making him feel so seen and nearly special, he left Penacony without a word to him. In the more rational corners of his mind, Aventurine knew he wasn’t being fair. But the wine, along with his tumultuous emotions, had tipped him back over into his dark, destructive corners. Fed up with these semi-imaginary conflicts, Aventurine had had enough.
“Listen, Ave-”
“No you listen, Doc. I don’t know what you had to drink that gave you the guts to just meander over here like absolutely nothing happened, but let me tell you that your free experimentation with me is over.” Aventurine faced him directly now. “I mean, I’m no genius, but I’m offended you think I’m stupid enough to embrace you with open arms after you just royally fucked me over.”
Ratio blinked once, then twice before anything Aventurine said registered with him. “What? No, no, Aventurine it’s not that at all-“
”I thought it was horrible enough that I had lost everything,” Aventurine strangled the glass in his hand. “But for you to just waltz in, make me finally feel something, like I was someone, and hand me over to the enemy in the same breath? Well, that was some real salt in the wound.” He began to chuckle at the irony of it all. Nothing was funny, except the fact that the one man he had let into his heart after all these years could hurt him as deep as any enemy. “ Out of all of the gambles I’ve made, you’re the only one I’ve lost, Ratio.”
Ratio was taken aback completely. What had he said wrong? He hadn’t said anything at all! After recovering from his initial shock, he looked to his left and realized Aventurine had downed the rest of his wine and was up to leave. Panic shot through the doctor as he realised his chance was slipping from him. He turned to follow Aventurine through the crowd, jostling too many important people out of the way for his Aventurine.
Aventurine didn’t slow down or stop to look back at what the doctor was doing, and he told himself he didn’t care. He needed to get himself together. What did he look like chasing after a failed Genius? He was already on thin ice with the other Stoneheards. He was seen as a liability and, honestly, he agreed. It was because of his lingering attachment to a doctor who saw him as a learning experiment that he had slipped up so severely. He made a beeline to the sleek, black car waiting for him outside. He needed to get his ass out of there.
Bursting open the door after Aventurine, he saw him hop in a limousine that pulled off as soon as the door closed. As a scientist, he was resolved to not make the same mistake twice. He would speak to Aventurine, especially now that he was certain something was weighing down on him. The doctor made a note of which direction the limo went and watched it shoot out of sight. This time, Veritas would follow him, to the end of the dreamscape if he had to.
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Aventurine dragged himself across the Reverie Hotel to his room. But despite his disheveled appearance, Aventurine wasn’t tipsy, not even close. More like he was seething pissed. His anger had switched targets from Ratio to himself. After all of his pondering over the doctor, not once had he actually thought of what to say to him when this fateful day came. Yet not only had he internally blamed the doctor for his own shortcomings, but he had directly berated the doctor. Well, if Ratio hadn’t come to hate him yet as everyone else did, he certainly did now.
Slumping back into his plush chair, he groveled his head into his hands. He couldn’t stand himself. Finally presented with the opportunity to clear things up with the doctor like he’s wanted to for months, he immediately screwed everything up. Shit, he was a screw up. Maybe Veritas recognized it and that’s why he kept his distance. Could Aventurine really even blame the doctor for only toying with him? It’s not like he’s good for anything else. Ratio had some semblance of balance in his life. His survival did not depend on how well he served a planet destroying, capitalist, inter-astral space cooperation. Ratio was a logical man, and there was no logical reason for him to incorporate Aventurine into his life unless he wanted to ensure havoc in his day to day schedule.
Aventurine didn’t realize he was crying until he pulled his hand from his head and saw tears glisteing on his fingers. He grimaced at the sight of them, disgusted by his own emotions. “You did this, “ he thought to himself. There it was again, that self-destructive voice that he grew more convinced day by day was right. “You brought this on yourself you dirty, no good, worthless piece of shi-“
There was a series of hurried knocks on the door. His entire body jolted up in response, becoming painfully aware of how much of a mess he was. His carefully ironed shirt was half buttoned and crinkled like a bag of chips, and his hair was everywhere but in place. Trying woefully to correct each sloppy part of his appearance one by one, he slowly approached the door. He placed his meticulously crafted and carefree mask on before opening it.
The doctor was right there before him, breathing heavily as if he had run across all of Penacony in search of something, which he had. Aventurine was prepared to greet an IPC executive or Reverie staff member with finesse, but not the doctor who had just turned him inside out. For a moment he didn’t say anything. Neither of them did, they just stood there examining each other, trying to decide what to say, or to not say anything at all. The doctor’s worried eyes scanned over Aventurine. It appeared as though everything was fine until Ratio’s eyes met Aventurine’s, to which the doctor decided to act.
Ratio surged forward and captured the stoneheart’s hands in his. Aventurine stumbled back in surprise as the doctor let himself in. Instinctively, he tried to wriggle his hands free of the doctor’s grasp. But Ratio’s grip was firm, determined. Aventurine’s smile faltered in utter confusion. He never thought he’d see the doctor so frazzled.
“Doc, what are yo-”
“Listen, Aventurine. Ever since we parted I’ve been worried about you. From Sunday’s interrogation, the fiasco at the theater, and the whole ordeal with the nihility…All I could wonder was if you were okay.” A wave of relief elapsed him as he finally got his feelings off his chest. He wasn’t sure how much got through to Aventurine, who still only stared at him wide eyed and silent. But he was far from finished. Ratio still felt rushed. He felt that if he didn’t divulge everything to Aventurine now, he would slip from him again, for good this time.
“Aventurine, It was never my intention to make you feel betrayed and disregarded, and I sincerely apologize. I simply did as I was instructed because I myself had no idea what I was feeling or what to do with them. But now, I’m certain.” Ration locked eyes with the blonde, “Aventurine, I want you.
Aventurine…had no words. He could only stare at Ratio dazed by what he just heard. The doctor had just apologized, spilled his heart out, and confessed to Aventurine in the span of 5 minutes and he was feeling a mixture of feelings from incredibly ecstatic to absolutely shocked. But more than anything he felt sad. He looked at the doctor almost longingly, because he knew he could never have Ratio for himself. Ratio isn’t someone he deserved.
Aventurine smiled sadly at the doctor. He’d have to let him down gently.
“Ratio, I’m happy to know that we feel the same way about each other, truly.” A heavy sigh escaped him. “But, let’s be real with ourselves here. It wouldn’t be wise for us to be together.”
Liberated by his words the doctor had finally calmed down. But now it was he who was confused by the other’s behaviour. His brows furrowed as he tried to understand exactly what the blonde was saying.
“Explain.”
The Stoneheart paused. He had to find a way to push Ratio away. This would be the first time he’d push someone else away for their sake rather than his own.
“For as long as I’m one of the ten Stonehearts, I’ll continue to gamble my life away in the name of the Preservation,” Aventurine spoke, trying to convince himself as well as Ratio. “When people I care about get caught up in these gambles…Well, let’s just say things don't always end well for them. Spare yourself the danger, Ratio.”
“Do you think I’m unaware of how dangerous you are, gambler? You made that quite apparent the last time we saw each other."
Aventurine winced. Of course the doctor already knew. When fighting the Trailblazers he made sure that the battle was a spectacle for all to see, including Ratio.
Ratio sighed. He didn’t want to embarrass Aventurine.
“I’m aware of the risks, Aventurine. It’s worth it, for you.”
Aventurine finally pulled away from the doctor, eyes stinging and rimming with unshed tears. He looked everywhere but those fiery, sunset eyes of his. All of these sweet words suddenly came from the last man he expected it from. But Ratio didn’t possibly understand the burden he was accepting with Aventurine. If he did, there was no way he’d want to be with him.
“Ratio, you don’t understand-”
“I’m a man of science, Aventurine. I will not make the same mistake twice,” Ratio’s gaze held Aventurine in place, “ I will not leave you again.”
And just like that, all of Aventurine’s defenses fell. Every ounce of energy he had to spend on pushing his doctor away vanished in an instant. Before Ratio, Aventurine stood defeated by his love. Ratio saw the moment the self loathing and doubt began to crawl back under Aventurine’s skin. But before it could consume him Ratio brought both of his hands to cup Aventurine’s soft cheeks. Gently, he guided their lips towards each other until they joined in a soft kiss. This was Ratio’s promise to his gambler that no matter what dangers lay ahead or burdens he’d have to carry, he would accept it all with open arms.
Aventurine’s chest burned in an overwhelming fire of emotion, only this time it was primarily pure joy. Finally, someone made the choice to love him completely as he was. Ratio knew what a terrible person he was, how dangerous he was, how much of a liability he’d be. And yet he still looked at him with pure adoration in his eyes and kindness in his words. Aventurine couldn’t understand it no matter how hard he tried. Instead of trying to understand and spiraling, he buried his face in the crook of Ratio’s neck for comfort. Comfort was exactly what he got, along with a large, warm embrace from the doctor that engulfed him in a feeling of care that was foreign, but welcome.
The two of them stood there for a long while, holding each other with endearing desperation as if the other would disappear if they let go. After a while, Ratio lifted his head from Aventurine’s pale golden locks to look him in his multicolored eyes.
“I love you,” Ratio whispered with a soft smile.
Aventurine fought back a quiet sob. Those poisonous voices were finally silent with Ratio. Now, he had the chance to speak his true feelings.
“I love you too.”