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An arrow flies past Gem, and she rolls her eyes as she slices through bones until they disappear.
“I swear,” she mutters to herself, “the stupid mobs can’t even touch me. It’s just sad at this point.”
She hears footsteps nearby and tenses. Her survival instincts haven’t gotten the memo that she’s doing things like walking around recklessly in the forest in the middle of the night to pass the time until she inevitably loses the dark green name and the target on her back. It’s easy to mentally accept your fate, but a little trickier to get your body to, so she finds herself creeping towards the sound to investigate.
Gem instinctively smiles when she peers around a tree and spots the back of a familiar red hood. Quickly, she schools her face into a neutral expression and hides with her back against the tree, sinking to the ground.
Pearl. Pearl who jokingly asks how much Gem hates her, then barely sticks around to hear the answer. Pearl who doesn’t seem to know or care that Gem doesn’t and could never hate her.
Gem wants Pearl to take her last dark green life. But Pearl doesn’t want Gem’s life; she just wants a life. So Gem keeps running away from her. As soon as she sees Impulse following behind Pearl or Scott helping Pearl dig a trap outside Joel’s car or Pearl refusing to take her sword out and just PVP her, she runs.
Would Pearl kill her right now? If she stepped out into the torchlit clearing where she can hear Pearl chopping a tree, would she finally just fight her like Gem has been basically begging her to do all session?
Gem takes a deep breath as her hand curls around a rock. Before she can think better of it, she hurls it against a tree in front of her, and it hits with a loud thunk.
Behind her, she hears Pearl stop moving, and she gets to her feet. By the time Pearl creeps around the tree, Gem’s holding an iron sword (her diamond one right next to it in her hotbar), hoping desperately that it will lure Pearl into fighting her.
But when Pearl sees her, she smiles. “Oh! Hi Gem!”
Gem steps out from behind her tree and watches Pearl go back to chopping wood for a few seconds before something in her snaps.
“That’s it?!” she demands. “You’re not even going to try to kill me?”
Pearl frowns. “No? I don’t want to lose a life trying to gain one. I’ll just attack you when everyone else does. Or Lizzie.”
Gem scrubs her hands over her face, and her fingers slide into her hair, grasping onto her roots as she tries not to scream. Or cry. Really, either is an option.
Pearl pauses. “Is something wrong?”
“Is something-? Of course something’s wrong!” Gem shouts. “I would give my life to you without a second thought if I thought you cared. Hell, I’m trying to give my life to you even though I know you don’t! But it’s like you don’t even want it!” Her voice quiets to an almost-whisper. “Well, you do want it. You just don’t want me.”
Pearl’s face has twisted into a frown. “Gem- why would you even say that? I’ve spent all season trying to figure out why you don’t want anything to do with me. I know I hurt you last season, but so did a lot of people.” She pauses. “I mean, I’m not saying that makes it okay. Just that… I don’t understand why I’m the only one you hate.”
Gem crosses her arms. Pearl thinks she might be trying to close herself off, but really, it just looks like a feeble attempt at protecting herself. “I don’t hate you,” she mutters, glaring at the ground. “That’s why I’m so mad. I care about you, and… I thought you cared about me. I wouldn’t even be that mad if you had just killed me, but you 2v1ed me!” Her voice gets louder and pitches up with emotion. “It would be one thing if you could’ve bothered to do it yourself, but you didn’t even give me that! And you still won’t! So, yeah, I’m sorry if me holding a grudge against you makes you feel like you’re special to me, but I wish I could be special to you.” Gem staggers backwards under the weight of what she’s just admitted. “I-“ She can’t be here anymore. She can’t keep looking into Pearl’s beautiful eyes and seeing the softness- no, that’s not right. The pity in her gaze for Gem. As much as she wants to bask in this one thing from Pearl that’s finally for her, all for her, she turns around to leave.
Pearl stops her with a hand around her wrist.
“Let go of me.” What Gem intends as a command comes out pleading and she’s frozen by the grip she could easily pull away from.
“No,” Pearl says softly. “Because apparently you don’t hear my words. You think that I’m showing you how I feel through violence, but the whole reason we’re in this situation is that my violence isn’t personal. I need you to listen to my words.” Gem still doesn’t respond or move. “Can you do that for me, Gem?”
Gem’s breath is trembling and too-fast. She didn’t mean to be this vulnerable. She just wants to hide. The hand around her wrist lets go, but doesn’t pull away. She feels it gently trace up her arm and rest on her shoulder. Slowly, Pearl’s forehead comes to rest on the back of her head. Gem can feel her slow, steady breath through her hair.
“It’s okay, Gem. It’s just me. Breathe with me,” she commands softly, drawing in an exaggerated breath.
Slowly and clumsily, Gem matches the pace of her exhales.
“Better?” Pearl asks, moving her head away and going to withdraw her hand. Gem’s hand shoots up to keep it in place, but Pearl links their fingers to guide both of their hands away. She slowly walks around Gem to stand in front of her. Gem’s eyes immediately snap to her face, and she allows Pearl to drop her hand.
“Why don’t we sit down?” Pearl lowers herself to the ground, and Gem hesitantly follows. “How much do you hate me right now?”
Gem glares. “I don’t hate you! The fact that you keep asking that just tells me that you don’t understand why I’m mad at you!”
Instead of reacting rationally to the outburst, Pearl grins. “So you think I don’t love you because I don’t want to 1v1 you?”
“Yes! That’s what I’ve been saying this whole time!”
“Okay. The fact that I don’t want to 1v1 you doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Because I do. I love you, and the way that you’re treating me because you think that I don’t makes me feel like you don’t love me.”
Gem is quiet for a second, then grumbles, “you’re talking to me like I’m a child.”
Pearl sighs. “No, I’m trying to communicate with you. I know that all you know how to do in these games is fight, but I’ve been here for five games, and I don’t think that all we can do is hurt each other. I’ve been hurt enough to be sick of violence.” She hesitates. “Teaming up with Scott is still hard after what he did to me in Double Life, but holding a grudge will just hurt him and me. It’s not easy, but it’s better to forgive.”
“I don’t think I could forgive him if I were you,” Gem whispers.
“I think you could. And I think you can prove that you’re strong enough to forgive right now.”
Gem looks up at her. “What if I can’t yet?”
“That’s okay. It doesn’t happen all at once. Just start the process.” Pearl reaches out her hand.
After a moment, Gem takes it, eyes fixed on their hands.
“See?” Pearl pulls her gently to her feet. “One step at a time. I-”
She’s interrupted as Gem falls into her and wraps her arms tightly around her middle. “I love you. I don’t hate you. I love you so much,” she mutters into Pearl’s shoulder.
One of Pearl’s hands gently holds the back of Gem’s head, and her other arm wraps around Gem’s shoulders. Despite her earlier calmness, she sniffs and holds back tears. “Thank you,” she whispers into the top of Gem’s hair. “I promise that I love you too.”