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Kris listens to Susie and Noelle flirting with thinly veiled jealousy.
The SOUL won’t have them look back, and maybe that’s for the best. They can already hear them brush hands awkwardly and apologize, hear how Noelle anxiously brushes her hair back around her antlers, hooves clicking gently against them. They can hear how Susie takes gentler steps in a concentrated effort to be less abrasive than she can be.
But worst of all, they’re forced to listen to them mutter small talk to each other. It’s been what feels like hours of this weather is nice, and hows school? and how did you sleep last night? and what do you think of Jockington’s facial hair?
What’s so egregious about this drivel is that they’re both so into it, or at least pretending to be. Susie sounds somehow engaged in talking about their history class, which is how you know some facetious bullshit is at play.
It makes them sick. If Kris had any kind of autonomy, they’d slam their head into a wall until it stopped. They want to be able to talk about something interesting. They want to chime in and be a part of the conversation, they’re sure they could improve it.
They’re moments away from spending the last of their energy on ruining their date when they round the corner and see Berdly again.
To be honest, they’d expected Berdly to take the triple-rejection worse than he did. They expected hysterics and waterworks, maybe a soapbox speech about hypergamy (although, Berdly’s woker than most would expect), and honestly, they wouldn’t have put it past Susie and Noelle to leave them stranded with him so that they could run off somewhere and talk about stupid shit in private. But Berdly was surprisingly lax for an indiscernible reason. Now Kris watches him scroll on his phone as he slurps up a massive milkshake.
As they are about to pass him, a gust of wind hits them head on. They squeeze their eyes shut, the SOUL marching them forward. They hear Susie spit her own hair out of her mouth and Noelle giggling girlishly.
When they open their eyes, they see Berdly shake out his tousled feathers. A couple strays fall away in the process--it’s molting season for his species, which Kris knows for reasons.
They walk past but Kris’s eyes remain on the long, cerulean leaves, catching the morning sun as they float downward gracefully.
Subtly, they slip their hand into the pocket of their cargos just to make sure it’s there. They feel the soft, thin feather still sitting uncrumpled into their pocket and their shoulders relax. It’d be nice if they never had to give this to Violet. Just because it’d be embarrassing for anyone to learn they had it, obviously, and not because they’d ever want to keep it.
They continue to march on towards the ferris half-wheel. Kris watches the carriages as they rise, the machinery creaking in a way that’s just a little scary. Luckily, they can assume that the SOUL won’t be putting them on this thing. The SOUL seems to be lapping up this Suselle business.
They stop in front of Sans. Kris shares an empathetic look with him that no one else catches. When it’s time to pop a couple onto a carriage, their mouth moves without them.
“Susie and Noelle should go,” Kris says in the deadpan tone that has become characteristic of inautonomous speaking.
They look back at the girls. Noelle’s eyes fall to her hands folded in front of her. Susie scratches the back of her neck and looks away.
“Uhm… Sure, I guess. If you think so, Kris,” Susie says before clearing her throat. “I mean, if you want to--”
“Yeah! Let’s do it! Could be fun, right? Fahaha…” Noelle says chipperly, racing towards the entrance before Susie can see how red her nose is glowing.
“Oh, uh, okay!” Susie lights up. As she passes Kris to follow Noelle, she shoots them a big thumbs up. Kris responds with one of their own, mustering a little smile to show support.
They watch Susie and Noelle chatting as the carriage door shuts, both of them immediately flustered. Kris can see them both stammering by the way their mouths open and close disjointedly.
Just then, a question pops into their brain.
Think about Susie and Noelle or Do Not
Usually, when the chance to be rid of the SOUL’s constant supervision is dangled over their head like this, they’d be gritting their teeth in anticipation. But it’s pretty obvious what this hime SOUL is going to choose.
Sure enough, barely a second later, they’re closing their eyes and thinking about Susie and Noelle and their stammering mouths. And barely a second after that, their eyes are open and their body is more-or-less their own.
They sigh with relief and stretch their back muscles, flexing their fingers as though they just woke up.
Sans is leaning over the edge of his stall, watching them with somehow-warm empty eyesockets. He reaches under the stall and pulls out a hotdog with hella toppings, wordlessly handing it out towards them.
Kris takes the dog and scarfs it down with the very same haste that the SOUL used to tune-in on the GL now currently playing inside the ferris wheel. But all that means is that they have more time to kill.
They glance backwards towards Berdly, who is still scrolling on his phone with a drink in-hand, and it’s obvious how they’re going to spend that time.
“Yo, Berdly,” They say quietly approaching. Their real voice sounds so natural that it instantly refreshes them, like taking a warm bath after a cold day. They really want to wash up, soon, too.
Berdly instantly looks up from his phone, staring wide-eyed at Kris’s approach. He stuffs his phone in his pocket and assumes the performative arrogant Berdly disposition. “Well, well, well! If it isn’t Susie’s little wing-they!”
Kris grimaces.
Berdly blinks at them and drops the act, now smiling and speaking with the bravado levels typical of a real person. “How’s the festival?”
Kris scratches the back of their neck. “It’s fine. Susie and Noelle are really hitting it off. I wanted to hit up the carnival games but I don’t think we’ll get around to it.”
Berdly nods sagely, taking a loud slurp of his shake. “Ah, yes. The urge to game is everpresent, even in this magical celebration of romance and Autumn.”
“Something like that.”
Berdly looks back at them with an idea sparkling behind his eyes. “We could squeeze in a few rounds of ski ball while they’re gone!”
Kris purses their lips and looks back at the ferris wheel, unsure of how much time is left. Then they look back at Berdly, who looks bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and it’d be a lie if Kris said they didn’t really want to play something for themselves, so maybe they will. And besides, if the SOUL comes back to find Kris whooping Berdly’s ass at ski ball, that isn’t so bad!
“Sure.”
Berdly does a dramatic fist pump, “Sublime!!”
They jog together through the festival, weaving through the sparse crowds and braving the gentle autumn breeze towards a tent with some arcade games inside, a thick layer of pizza grease coating every surface of the machines.
“Your finest round of ski ball, please!!” Berdly follows his request with another loud sip of his drink.
The attendant blinks at Berdly and points to the coin-operated arcade machine. “Okay. Go ahead.”
Berdly flusters, feathers puffing out a little in embarrassment, as he takes a long recovery sip of his drink. It’s very loud.
“What’s in that, anyway?” Kris asks, pointing to the cup.
Berdly’s face scrunches up as his brain freezes. Kris waits for him to recover before he speaks.
“A Milkshake from Mr. Sans. He said it was flavored like strawberry, but it tastes more like ketchup,” Berdly laughs at his own snide remark before holding it out in Kris’s direction, “Wanna try?”
Kris is taken aback. They watch Berdly’s expression morph almost instantaneously from confident and polite to miserably regretful.
The thing is, Kris is still hungry as a mofo. And they’re super curious about a ketchup flavored milkshake, especially because they don’t doubt it’s the kind of thing Sans would do. But is it worth sharing a straw with Berdly?
Yes, they determine.
Without responding, they pluck the styrofoam cup from out of Berdly’s wing and take a big slurp. Sure enough, it tastes like ketchup and milk. Not awful, if they’re being honest. Some part of them is surprised it didn’t taste more like chicken considering how Berdly’s been chugging this for the past 10 minutes.
They hand the cup back to Berdly who is still recovering from the shock of his own words. “Pretty good.”
Berdly blinks and assumes a urbane smirk, “Glad you think so.”
He turns back towards the machine and fumbles around in his pocket. He pulls out a sleek black wallet with some coins inside and palms them, looking at Kris expectantly.
Kris blinks. Right. They’ll need to scrounge up money too. Some part of them expected Berdly to be a gentleman and pay for them, though they’re not sure why. Their hands clam up.
Kris pats their back pockets for their coin pouch to no avail, then their lower cargoes’ pockets, but they only find their knife (and they aren’t keen on threatening anyone for a free match of ski ball), then finally they search their side pockets and feel a few spare coins rolling around in one of them.
They pinch the coins out and bring them forward to show Berdly that they have enough to play. But it’s to their great horror that they realise that the coins weren’t the only thing that came out in their hand.
It’s the feather. The boon. Rustling gently in the breeze between Berdly and them is one of Berdly’s very own feathers, shining in all of its sky-blue-glory and caught beneath Kris’s sweaty thumb and a dirty quarter.
Kris’s heart nearly stops. Their face burns bright red. Their eyes flick to Berdly’s face.
His beak falls open slowly, his eyes are wide, Kris watches as the feathers around his face puff out. A coin slips out of his hand and lands in the mud.
Just as Kris is about to fling the feather away and come up with some excuse about the wind blowing it into their pocket, their body becomes rigid.
FUCKKKK!! They think to themselves, eyes still wide, face still red, and feather still held as clear as day between them. The SOUL is returning.
Once the SOUL is fully re-instated, their body relaxes a little bit, just enough for them to shove the feather back in their pocket wordlessly as though it never happened. Berdly’s eyes flick from where the feather used to be to Kris’s eyes.
“Kris?” He nervously laughs, hoarse. “Prithee… What… Was that doing in your pocket?”
Kris can’t move. Literally.
Oh god. Kris thinks to themself. The last thing I need is for the SOUL to start shipping me and Berdly.
A question pops up in their mind.
(say nothing) or Shipping me and Berdly
Kris’s heart drops to their feet. FUCK!!! NOOO!!!! WHY DID I HAVE TO THINK THAT!??!
And obviously, obviously, because in more ways than one this world wants Kris to have the worst life possible, the SOUL chooses the latter option.
“Shipping--” Kris bites their own tongue. Hard.
Somehow, Berdly looks even more aghast. He looks like a pufferfish or like he was freshly blowdried. Every feather stands on end.
“Kris?! What were you going to say?! You just said ‘shipping????’” Berdly asks, scanning Kris’s face with frenzied eyes. The machine attendant stares at them from the corner of the tent.
STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!!!!! Kris thinks to themselves.
A question appears in their mind.
Nothing. or I’m in love with you.
Kris is horrified as the SOUL drifts towards the latter option again. THAT’S NOT EVEN TRUE!!!!!
“I’m in--” Kris bites their cheek to avoid literally chomping off their tongue. Their mouth tastes like blood.
Berdly blinks at them a few times. Kris stares back with a mortified expression.
Don’t. Ask. Any. Other. Questions. They try to communicate telepathically, shaking their head no almost imperceptibly, just in case the telepathy doesn’t work.
When it becomes apparent that Kris won’t say anything else, Berdly takes a deep breath and begins running a wing over his feathers in a failed attempt to smooth them out.
“Y’know, Krismas, this has been great, but duty calls, so, uh…I have to sue Mr. Sans about the--About the uh… the Ketchup shake.” Berdly says eventually, mouth dry. “Byehaveagoodfestivalokaybye!!!!!!!”
Berdly dashes off in the wrong direction. The SOUL tries to make Kris catch up with him, but Kris uses all of their effort to slow themself down and prevent it. Eventually the SOUL gives up and has them meet Susie and Noelle at the Festival voting station. Obviously, just to piss them off, Kris is forced to put themselves and Berdly down for festival king and queen.
One Darkworld and a jackhammer to the foundation of Kris and Susie’s friendship later, and Kris is feeling not good!
The walk home from school is incredibly long when they drag their feet. What was once a beautiful, crisp September breeze has now become a relentless attack on the exposed skin on Kris’ face. There’s potting soil all over their pants which makes their knees damp.
They used to like festival day. It was one rare day out of the year when everything was supposed to be brightly-colored and hyper-fun. Of course, it hadn’t been that way after Dess’s disappearance; How are you supposed to pretend anything is hyper-fun when one of your only friends has been wiped off of the face of the Earth? However, Kris had hoped--maybe naively--that with Susie by their side, maybe they could enjoy themselves. But Noelle was there too. As it turns out, two rights make a wrong.
Kris bites their bottom lip to stop it from quivering and shoves their balled fists into their pockets. Their lucky charm is gone now, probably tucked into Seth’s soil. How embarrassing is it that they kind of want to go back and get it? No, that’s weird. And they did make a deal.
When they finally make it to their room, they slam the SOUL into its birdcage and limp over to their bed to doomscroll, which is one of the few things they can do comfortably without the SOUL.
Kris leans over their mattress and literally rolls into place, whipping their phone out of their pocket and squinting to see their notifications. To their shock and dread, while in the dark world, they have a lot of Instagram notifications. They furrow their brows and click on one: holidaygirl tagged you in a post!
It’s a photo of Berdly on a stage with Kris crudely drawn in at his side. Text at the top reads “my otp!!! >-<”
Berdly’s wearing a little plastic crown and staff, grimacing as he looks out over the crowd. The coronator is holding another crowd and sceptre, also scanning the audience with an intense squint.
OH FUCK!!
Kris sits up immediately and immediately regrets it, headrush hitting them like a truck full of ski balls. They slowly lower themself back onto their pillow with a wince. Sharp movement is maybe not the best course of action in their current state.
They pull the phone closer to their face and zoom in on Berdly. Ohhhhhhh fuckkkkkk.
Kris imagines how he must have felt having to go up there and wait around for Kris. He got rejected by both of the lesbians that he’d had a crush on and then had to get paraded around town totally single in a contest made for couples. If it were Kris, they would’ve preferred to drown themself in the lake. Sweet heavens. Poor Berdly.
Kris swipes up and replies to Noelle’s story.
“WE WON?!? HOW?!”
They check out the other stories. It’s basically their entire class posting them ironically. Berdly looks more and more uncomfortable in each photo. Temmie posts a drawing of them cuddling. It only takes Noelle a few minutes to respond.
holidaygirl: yep!!! ^-^
holidaygirl: the guy running the arcade games was telling all the everyone that u 2 were a cute couple
holidaygirl: you HAVE to fill me in on what happened btw!!!!! >:(
Kris drags a hand across their face and groans.
m0ssm0uth: omg bruh
holidaygirl: berdly freaked out at first, but in the end i think he was just happy to win something xD
holidaygirl: where were u guys btw?
holidaygirl: u and susie
holidaygirl: if you feel comfortable telling me
holidaygirl: :3
holidaygirl: no pressure !!
Kris stares at their phone screen and takes a good, long blink to hydrate their dry eyes.
m0ssm0uth: susie will tell you tmr
They immediately swipe out of DMs. Conversation over. They think that, if they dwell on how their two best friends are going to start dating and leave them alone forever, they’ll be plunged into depths they won’t be able to get out of.
They glance at the SOUL in the corner of the room. It’s floating around the cage in circles like it has zoochosis. Good.
Then they look back at their phone, too tired to get out of bed and brush their teeth. Maybe the willpower will find them if they just spend a couple hours online. There is something that they should probably do.
They scroll down a bunch in their messages and see a conversation with smartgenius555. His profile picture is stolen fanart of a character from a FPS game with garish neon-blue embellishments everywhere. Their last messages were:
Smartgenius555: When are you able to work on our English project?
m0ssm0uth: bro idfk how to read can u just do it?
Smartgenius555: Yes
Kris had liked the message, Berdly had completed their project, and Kris got a free A. They remember Berdly holding it over their head for a little while, but when all was said and done, he didn’t seem to actually mind. I guess that’s what happens when you really like learning; you’re happy to do group projects alone.
But no--that doesn’t actually track. Because later that year, Catti tried to get Berdly to do their entire chemistry project and Berdly promptly reported her. Kris’s hands feel a little clammy.
m0ssm0uth: yo berdly
m0ssm0uth: sorry i wasn’t at the crowning today
m0ssm0uth: i just found out we won
They can’t think of a good excuse as to why they weren’t there, so instead, they check Discord to see if Berdly is active. He is. He’s been playing Farming Simulator for the past hour and a half.
Smartgenius555: All good
Smartgenius555: It just means I got double the applause!
Smartgenius555:💪🪶💯😎
Kris likes his last message. So stupid.
Then Berdly starts typing something, then he stops. Then he starts again and types for a loonnngg time. Kris gulps and rolls onto their side while they wait.
Smartgenius555: Is it okay if I ask
Smartgenius555: About the feather
Smartgenius555: 🪶❓
FAHHH
Kris whines and smashes their face sideways into their pillow. The SOUL starts jumping around in surprise. When they lift their face back up to look at the message, their thumbs hover over the keyboard. They almost want to say “No.”
m0ssm0uth: idk what to say
Smartgenius555: Why did you have it?
Kris squints. From what they know about Berdly, if he thought there was a chance that this was romantic or something, he would be making it a big deal. Kris is not sure they’ve ever seen Berdly be flattered so much and not respond like an affection-starved netizen incel. Why is he acting so…normal?
m0ssm0uth: i found it
M0ssm0uth: i was gonna give it back to u
Smartgenius555: Ah.
Smartgenius555: I see.
Smartgenius555: A kind thought, Krismas, but I don’t need my feathers back. I’m fully stocked!
Kris breathes a sigh of relief. They’re just about to swipe onto their Reels when Berdly starts typing again, and they freeze.
Smartgenius555: Although I do have a qeston
Oh shit. Typo. That’s rare.
Smartgenius555: If you were trying to give the feather back
Smartgenius555: Why did you put it back in your pocket?
“Fuck!” Kris cries hoarsely, letting their phone drop onto their chest so they can stare at their dark ceiling and contemplate.
There’s just no good answer that doesn’t out the reality of the dark worlds or the innermost depths of Kris’s brain.
Okay, they rationalize to themself, I don’t have to defend myself. Berdly doesn’t have any social power over me. I’m already kind of a weirdo, I can be mysterious and he’ll just have to deal with it.
They pry their phone back up and see that Berdly is still active on Instagram, just watching them leave him on read. Poor guy.
m0ssm0uth: i wanted it
Berdly starts typing again and then stops. And then he’s no longer active on Instagram. Kris frowns guiltily.
They check Discord. He’s not even playing Farming Simulator anymore. They guess he felt so weirded out by Kris’s pedanticism that he couldn’t even bring himself to farm virtual wheat anymore. Although, he has started listening to music.
Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery--which is just--Okay. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Kris’s first instinct is the obvious implication that Berdly is yearning like a cornball. But that’s not really who Berdly is, they think. So maybe he’s just playing, like, a generalized ‘lonely playlist’ because he feels sad from the earlier events of the day? Dwelling on the fact that he’s barely a footnote in the lives of the people he cares about? Damn that’s sad.
Before they know it, they’re DMing him on Discord.
m0ssm0uth
> ru good?
Smartgenius#5550
> Are we moving this conversation to Discord? LUL
M0ssm0uth
> i feel bad about the festival
Smartgenius#5550
> It’s ok
> You didn’t miss much
> I have your crown and sceptre. I can give them to you at school.
m0ssm0uth
> no dude like
> im sorry we didnt hang out with u
> we’re kind of bad friends
Smartgenius#5550
> It’s okay!
> I am a lesbian ally 🏳️🌈
> I didn’t want to fourth wheel.
m0ssm0uth
> lmao okay
> did u still have fun tho?
Smartgenius#5550
> I liked when we almost played ski ball 👍
Kris’s heart twists. Seems like Berdly had a bad festival day too. It occurs to Kris that ever-friendless Berdly might not have had as many good festival days as Kris did when they were younger. Dess’s disappearance, by driving Kris away from Noelle, might’ve actually given Berdly a friend to go to the festival with. But today, neither of them had fun.
m0ssm0uth
> we can still play ski ball
> arcade later?
(Assuming there is an arcade when everything is said and done)
Smartgenius#5550
> Krismas G. Dreemurr you dog!
> I didn’t take you for such a flirt!
> Regardless, yes, I would really like that.
Kris’s face flushes. They sink deeper into their mattress.
m0ssm0uth
> wasn’t flirting lol
Smartgenius#5550
> I know I was joking.
> LUL
> Git played.
Kris looks back at the soul. It’s drifting around the cage in circles again. They are so glad to be able to handle this conversation with care. If the SOUL were here, things would’ve taken a serious turn. Without them, Kris is free to maintain the status quo.
But is that really…Good? Kris purses their lips.
They’ve been perfectly content to never never confront Berdly about their feelings. After all, they’ve barely confronted themselves. It’s been purposefully locked away in the back of their mind for a long time. They kind of just planned to let it die there. Whether it was low self-esteem, mourning, embarrassment, or some other unknowable thing, they’d failed to consider their higher heart rate around Berdly as something deserving of thought, much less action.
But the SOUL, without any of that baggage, would’ve just jumped to outright flirting, which is hella annoying. But is it annoying because they don’t want to, or because they want to be the one to make that decision?
They watch it bump into a bar of the cage softly, rebounding like a balloon hitting the wall.
Hm. Well, if the SOUL wants Berdly and Kris to have some kind of romantic entanglement, would it not be the ultimate middle-finger to make that happen without any kind of involvement on the SOUL’s part?
They look back at their Discord and type out a message. Before sending it, they read it about 100 times. It’s so stupid. Like, genuinely, so dumb. They almost delete it but they can’t bring themself to. What’s the worst that could happen? They’re pretty sure Berdly would respond positively. And if not, Berdly clearly has some excellent moving-on skills. They could still be friends.
They read the message a couple more times just to make sure. Then, they send it.
m0ssm0uth
> did you want me to be flirting? because i can do that too
Their throat goes dry. They squeeze their eyes shut and toss their phone on the nightstand, swinging their feet over the side of the bed so that they can hobble to the bathroom.
They brush their teeth and change their clothes, giving Berdly time to respond and time for their mind to stop reeling. What a ridiculous thing to be worried about. In the midst of all of the crazy stuff happening with the Knight and Gaster and Ralsei and allat, they’re biting their nails over whether or not a boy likes them back. Stupid.
Once they return to their room, they pick their phone up off of the nightstand and flop back into bed, pulling up the covers.
Berdly responded.
m0ssm0uth
> did you want me to be flirting? because i can do that too
Smartgenius#5550
> Actuly??
Kris notes the typo. Interesting. Very interesting.
m0ssm0uth
> deadass
Smartgenius#5550
> I didn expect this
> at all
m0ssm0uth
> im ngl me neither
Berdly types for a little while longer, probably proofreading.
Smartgenius#5550
> Well, let’s just say, I am very open to flirting! ;)
> Wait
> Like flirting as a joke or romantically?
m0ssm0uth
> i was thinking romantically but either is fine
Smartgenius#5550
> No no no romantically is perfect
> ;)
Kris stares at their phone.
That was very easy.
They look at the SOUL again and stick out their tongue. We’re romancing and you have NO PART in it!!
Then they look back at their phone, happily kicking their feet without meaning to.
M0ssm0uth
> okay!
> flirtatious winky face
Smartgenius#5550
> Precisely ;) ;)
> When do you want to go to the arcade?
> And is it a date?
m0ssm0uth
> yh
> i got a couple things going on rn but i’ll let u know when it’s over :P
Smartgenius#5550
> A date!!
> Never fear, Kris. I’ve done simulators for this kind of thing. I will ensure that it is a success.
> ;)
m0ssm0uth
> ok sick
> goodnight berdly!
Smartgenius#5550
> Goodnight my incredible monarch Kris
> Dream well of me
m0ssm0uth
> o7
They place their phone on the nightstand and look out their window at the stony world. Susie has a warm bed to sleep in. Noelle does, too. Berdly probably will be sleeping better tonight. Kris might, too. Because, finally, for the first time in a long time, they have something to look forward to.