Work Text:
Like usual for their after school activities, Ivan and Till are hanging out at Till's house.
In the warm spring afternoon Till is splayed out on his rug doing his homework. Ivan is almost certain that it's been overdue for at least a week but he's doing it anyways under the pressure of his poor worried mother.
Ivan, who has obviously done all his work from now until about a month out and has no parents who worry about him, is doing the exact thing that made him finish all his work early.
Watching Till struggle to do the same exact work.
A valuable use of his time, he assures.
They sit in silence of course; Till is far too frustrated with his homework to deal with Ivan's antics to the point where it wouldn't even be enjoyable for Ivan; which really says something considering Ivan's attitude towards Till's anger.
Ivan hums a tune he's sure he's heard Till sing in the past few weeks and surveys the room.
It honestly hasn't changed much since their childhood besides loosing any pink that was there pre-transition. The walls are covered in old rock band posters and drawings all from throughout the years. The window is open wide letting a cool breeze sweep through the room and allowing Ivan a wonderful view into Io's lovely and recently flourished garden.
His instrument are locked away, minus his guitar which is hung up safely, as always when Ivan is around. A man steals a few instruments because he likes seeing his crush cry and suddenly he's the bad guy.
"OH WHAT THE FUCK!!!"
Ivan has only enough time to blink before a giant Till sized heap is thrown into his arms, completely winding him. Not that he's complaining of course, he'd tear his chest open and give Till his lungs if that's what he wants. Sadly Till has never asked for such things, so his chest cavities stay fully intact.
"Is there something the matter, Till? Or did you just suddenly realize you have your handsome boyfriend sat here all alone." Ivan sighs melodramatically, placing a hand on his wounded heart, or trying to seeing as Till is trying to fuse their bodies together.
Till of course responds by slapping his arm—more of a reward than a punishment but Till doesn't have to know that. Ivan 1, Till 0
"Oh shut it, obviously not! L-look!" Till stutters nervously, pointing a shaky hand to the area he had just ran from.
And there, where Till previously sat, the treacherous thing that sent Till scrambling towards Ivan's safe embrace is, "A millipede?"
Ivan blinks, looking around the area to see if there may be something else, something worth running from.
Maybe a snake, or a hoard of mice, or something. But besides the innocent little critter and Till's probably equally terrifying math homework lays nothing.
Ivan turns his head to see if Till and him are looking at the same thing only to watch as Till continues to shake in what is probably equal parts terror and equal parts rage.
"You ran all the way over here, because of that little thing?"
"That little thing!? That fucker is huge! It's got like a gazillion legs on it!"
"Actually it's called a millipede because it has around a million legs, not a gazillion." Till gives Ivan a dirty look which he takes as his sign to not continue.
"I don't care if that thing has a thousand or twenty billion legs, that dream should be outside! Not in my safe ass house."
"Well it's actually very important to tell the difference between them because while millipedes are harmless to humans, centipedes can be aggressive and venomous-"
"THAT BITCH HAS VENOM?" Till screeches directly in Ivan's ear, burrowing his head in Ivan's chest.
This might end in the the top ten times Ivan wasn't supposed to get hard because of Till but did if he doesn't evacuate the situation, immediately.
"You do realize I cannot do anything with you in my lap. Unless, you would like to help me remove it?" And just like that Till scrambles out of Ivan's lap to huddle in the corner of his bed.
Another day, another hour saved from Till's lectures on his perversion. Ivan 2, Till 0.
With a sigh Ivan makes his way over to the critter innocently crawling around on the carpet.
"Honestly Till, what did this little guy ever do to you?"
Ivan puts his finger out which the bug nudges gently with what Ivan would guess is affection.
"Just look at it! I swear that fuckers out to get me, Ivan!"
The millipede seems to somehow hear the boy's words and starts crawling in what Ivan has to admit is angry stomps to which Till screeches where he's still huddled in his little corner, now wrapped in blankets. How absolutely adorable.
With a sigh, Ivan picks up the centipede and places it back out of Till's sight, only slightly calming the boy.
For a moment he almost feels sorry. The poor guy just wants a warm place to sleep, maybe to pick up some crumbs Till leaves behind, and to live in peace. It's also the reason Ivan got around 2.5 seconds of kinda sorta cuddle time with Till.
Then he remembers Till with his big wide eyes pleading with wide eyes begging with him to get rid of it because he's so big and strong and that it is currently ruining his amazing view of Till's butt in his skinny jeans and he no longer feels bad.
With the same amount of remorse he feels for getting a boner when Till cries Ivan picks up Till's binder, lining it up with the bug and-
"WAIT!"
Ivan feels his shoulder immediately—and quite honestly painfully—lock up from the command. Ivan 2, Till 1. He supposes his boyfriend had to win at some point; he just never thought it would be at the cost of his shoulder.
"Yes, my love." Ivan wheezes out through gritted teeth.
"Well don't kill!"
"... And why not?"
"Well cause I don't want it smashed into my carpet.." Till mumbles.
Ah yes, Till's paint stained, trampled on, 7 year old carpet. How dare Ivan think of getting bug guts on it. Honestly despicable of him; he must kill himself.
With a sigh Ivan places the binder back down and swears he almost sees a tear of gratitude leave the little creatures eyes. "It's not as if I can't buy you a new one? Plus, this rug has been around for quite some time now don't you think?"
"Excuse me, I like my old ass rug thank you very much, so sorry if I don't want stupid bug organs squashed into it. Also I feel like that little fucker would stay and haunt me." Till shivers at his last thought. How adorable to be scared of a harmless bug.
A harmless bug that is now staring up what Ivan assumes is gratefully at him.
Yeah, it better be grateful. It scared the living daylights out of his boyfriend and if it weren't for Till's kind heart and love for his stupid rug it would be unrecognizable mush squished into Till's raggedy carpet.
"Well what do u want me to do with it then? Flush it down the toilet or something?"
"No you dumb-" Till takes a deep breath as if to calm himself down that just makes Ivan want to tease him more. "Go throw the freaky thing outside in the garden. Those things are good for the environment right?"
"Well yes, they are quite good for gardens as they break down organic matter."
"Yeah, okay, whatever; just get that fucker out of my damn house."
"Sir, yes, sir." Ivan replies with a mock salute, thoroughly enjoying the venomous glare he receives in return.
Carefully Ivan cups the millipede in his hands before slowly getting up as to not startle it and walking towards the open window.
"Ivan, what the fuck are you doing." Till hisses, scurrying over to what he must assume Till believes is a safe distance from the bug all to glare at Ivan. Adorable.
"Just doing what my beloved told me to!" Ivan hums with the reverence of the faithful servant that he is as he chucks the bug out the window to which Till let's out a loud squeak, running over to Ivan to peer out the window over his shoulder.
"The scary little bug is all gone, Tillie!"
"What is wrong with you!?"
"Quite a bit the last time I checked, but I would get a lot better if you jumped into my arms again." Ivan grins.
Till turns a bright shade of pink, punching Ivan's arm. "Oh fuck off."
"Oh come on Till, not even just a little kiss for your night in shining armor." Ivan teases, puckering his lips and making exaggerated kissing sounds.
For a moment Till seems to think, probably debating between smacking Ivan again or chucking him out the window to follow the other pesky critter that was bugging him. Pun intended.
In the end Till lands on a quick peck on Ivan's cheek before stuttering out, "There, now fuck off I need to do my homework!"
Ivan stands stund for a moment, watching Till throw himself back on the floor and stare blankly at his papers as his neck turns a concerning shade of pink.
A grin spreads across Ivan's face and he throws himself on top of Till, smashing their cheeks together making Till squeak. "Oh come on, that's it? After all I did!"
"Yes dickhead, now get off; you're crushing me!" Till squeals, thrashing around underneath him.
In a moment of pity Ivan relents—not before landing a sloppy kiss on his lover's cheek of course. Ivan 3, Till 1.
With the smile of a lovesick fool Ivan throws himself back onto Till's bed and goes back to watching his beautiful boyfriend's ass.
This truly is the most valuable use of Ivan's time and he wouldn't trade it for anything else.