Work Text:
[Unofficial Cens Chat]
Dykstra
shit don’t tell cap or hollzy but we fucking lost the rookies
Bood
dude
Barrett
DELETE THAT
Hollzy
You what???
Dykstra
oh shit
fuck
I meant to text wyatt
Barrett
DYKSTRA IM GOING TO SHOOT YOU.
Hazy
We are dead men
Roz
You all lost the children?????????
what the fuck how
THERE WERE FIVE OF YOU AND FOUR OF THEM
Barrett
They’re fucking slippery
I swear we looked away for a second and they were gone
Hazy
(translation: he was eye-fucking Harris’s instagram on his phone)
Roz
So you are telling me that I could be getting laid right now, but instead of getting to fuck my beautiful, amazing, wonderful, sexy husband I have to hunt down a bunch of missing infants because Barrett is too fucking gay to babysit?
Barrett
I’m reporting you to HR for creating an unsafe work environment
Roz
you lost my fucking children barrett
they could be starving in the streets
three oranges tall
Dillon
They're grown men?
“Dykstra” disliked a message.
“Bood” disliked a message.
“Chewy” disliked a message.
“Roz” disliked a message.
Roz
Who added this loser.
“Roz” removed (1) member. Click [here] for more information.
Hollzy
Ilya.
“Roz” added (1) member. Click [here] for more information.
Barrett
whipped
Hollzy
@haas @bergy @young @lapointe
Chewy
Wait I’m outside the bar I think I see Bergy!!!
Hold up I’m chasing after him
Bood
Genuinely what makes you think this is a good idea?
Hollzy
Nick, please don’t chase after some random college kid in the middle of the night.
Fuck someone who’s still there stop him
Chewy
Okay, so that was NOT bergy
Barrett
Oh my fucking god.
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Ilya Rozanov ✅ @Rozanov81
Looking for 4 bumfuck drunk hockey players in their early twenties wandering around downtown LA. If you find my children please let me know ASAP I am too young for this stress :(
[Attached Image of Luca Haas, Logan LaPointe, Conner Young, and Andrew Holmberg grinning into the camera in hockey gear, arms thrown over each other's shoulders. Wyatt Hayes can be seen in the back, collapsed onto the ice, arms spread.]
— little miss nhl conspiracist @gayhockeyamerica
replying to @Rozanov81
are we not going to talk about hayes in the back???
— — Ilya Rozanov ✅ @Rozanov81
replying to @gayhockeyamerica
no I do not care about him, I only care about my children and he LOST them
— Wyatt Hayes ✅ @w_hayes
replying to @Rozanov81
Wow, really feeling the love, Rozy.
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Young ✅ @conn_young
i lpvr chuckhoeas
— scott hunters dentures @scotthuntersdentures
replying to @conn_young
just on here hooting and hollering??
— annie (taylor’s version) @annieloveshockey
replying to @conn_young
sir r u aware that u are a missing person 😭
— — Young ✅ @conn_young
replying to @annieloveshockey
i’m bot missing i’m luteeealyright here
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[Unofficial Cens Chat]
Haas
Alive
Bood
??
Hazy
Luca bud you gotta give us a little more than that
Haas
we are
kievakuve
we are alve
Roz
LUCA MY CHILD
blink twice if you need help
Haas
ok i blkef noe what
Hollzy
Where are you?
Haas
outside
dmlsywe
dumpater
[photo]
Bood
Is that not just behind the bar?
We’ve been searching the city and they’ve been behind the bar??
Haas
oh no
Hollzy
Everything okay??????
Luca??
Haas
no
Hazy
No what???
Haas
Logancbomgedon eme
vomited
on me
my shoes
Barrett
Are the other three with you?
Haas
maybe
Bood
Jesus Christ
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Ilya Rozanov ✅@Rozanov81
Children acquired!
[Attached image: Selfie with the top half of Ilya’s face visible from the driver's seat, showcasing the backseat of the car, where Shane flips off the camera. Luca sits next to him, barefoot and asleep, leaning on his shoulder. Logan sits on Luca’s lap, also asleep, leaning the other way. Conner sits on the other side of Shane, looking vaguely confused.]
— bella loca @whatevenami
replying to @Rozanov81
Where’s Bergy??
— — Ilya Rozanov ✅ @Rozanov81
replying to @whatevenami
the trunk :)
— — — Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollanderhockey
replying to @whatevenami
Don’t listen to him 🙄Bergy’s in the passengers seat because he insisted he would throw up if he sat in the back.
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Ilya Rozanov ✅ @Rozanov24
I need to update my children rank board
Troy ✅ @troybarrett_t
replying to @Rozanov24
Hey so what the fuck does that mean??
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mel (haas’s no.1 defender) @melanietalkstoomuch
so where the fuck is roz acquiring all these children?? mind you he’s been offline for a good twenty minutes after his last tweet meaning his list is long enough to contemplate over
shane hollander’s slut strand @thetriples
anyone with a vaguely youthful presence when the see roz approaching [imsofuckingadopted.img]
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Ilya Rozanov ✅ @Rozanov24
how do i find a way to blame this on hayden pike
— Hayden Pike ✅ @hayd_pike35
replying to @Rozanov24
you just used my doordash account to order a shit fucking ton of food and IM STILL CATCHING STRAYS???
[Attached Image: screenshot of a phone screen with the doordash app open, showing order details.]
— — poke @pinepolkee
replying to @hayd_pike35
who the fuck needs 10 McChickens??
— — the gay firefighter truther @buddiecannonwhen
replying to @hayd_pike35
um @hayd_pike35 you might want to delete the screenshot
— — hayden pike defender @haydenpikedefender
replying to @hayd_pike35
am i tweaking or is that the hotel address like fully visible @hayd_pike35 @hayd_pike35 @hayd_pike35 @jackiepike07 @barackobama
SOMEONE DO SOMETHING
— — — rue @theruestofall
replying to @hayd_pike35
hey king maybe LOOK at what u post 😭🙏
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[this tweet has been deleted.]
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[DM Shane and Hayden]
Shane
Please tell me you did not just dox Ilya and mine’s location on twitter
Hayden
I AM SO SORRY 😭😭
I don’t know why this keeps happening
I think I’m just going to stop going online forever
Shane
probably for the best
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[DM Ilya and Hayden]
Ilya
so does this mean I don’t have to venmo u back for the doordash 😇
Hayden
I’m not dignifying that with a response
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mel @melbournelikethecity
If I had a nickel for every time hayden pike accidentally released private information about hollanov i would have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice
hayden pike defender @haydenpikedefender
it’s getting harder and harder to fight for his honor and yet I persist…
alice in hockeyland @hockeyrpfstolemysoul
you all are skipping over the fact that ilya had pikes doordash log in info to begin with?? i’m starting a rumor… #pikeanov
— Ilya Rozanov ✅@Rozanov_24
replying to @hockeyrpfstolemysoul
Are you familiar with the Russian mafia
— — alice in hockeyland @hockeyrpfstolemysoul
replying to @Rozanov_24
IM SORRY ur way too sexy for him anyways
— — — Ilya Rozanov ✅ @Rozanov_24
replying to @hockeyrpfstolemysoul
no don’t perceive me only my husband 3 time stanley winner ottawa centaurs center sexiest man in the world shane hollander is allowed to do that
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alice in hockeyland @hockeyrpfstolemysoul
ILYA ROZANOV JUST BLOCKED ME???
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