Archive of Our Own ^beta

When their fourth year art teacher told the class they were going on a field trip to the local art museum, most students showed little to no interest. Jeongguk, however, was pleased. He loved art, surrounded himself with it and saw it in everything around him, so, an opportunity to spend an entire day with his friends in a quiet museum and out of his stuffy, boring math classes made him happy.

The day of he shows up to school fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Half of his class, in their navy blue uniform blazers and big puffy coats, are already gathered in the front. Jeongguk hurries over to Jimin and Taehyung once he catches sight of them, fighting against the chilly early spring wind. Jeongguk smiles at them when he's close enough, "Guys!"

The two brighten at Jeongguk's presence while simultaneously fussing over him ("Yah! Jeon Jeongguk! Did your mom let you out of the house without a coat?" "Jeonggukie thinks he's superman, hyung.") Jeongguk shrugs off their remarks, saying how much he's not cold and the three mess around for a few more minutes until their teacher takes roll. They then walk down the street to the nearest subway station and pile onto one of the cars.

(Taehyung clinging to Jeongguk’s back, cold nosed pressed right against Jeongguk’s nape. )

They emerge on a street a short while later, guided by their teacher. Taehyung insists that they hold hands for safety as they cross the street and Jeongguk rolls his eyes but lends him his hand anyway. They walk quickly until a big, looming, gray building with lots of steps and two lions on pedestals at the bases appears before them. They hurry over up the flight of stairs and through the grand front doors, greeted by warm air and low murmurs.

Their teacher rounds them up near the information desk, "Alright guys, we'll have a tour for about an hour and a half. After that you're free to look around until noon, we'll meet up outside in the gardens for lunch. After that we'll watch a short video with one of the guides and then you're free for another hour or so until we have to leave. Remember you're representing not only yourselves and your character but our school as well, behave accordingly."

Their class is small, 12 students, including himself so he doesn't assume a tour will be all that hard to complete.

"Hot people never work in art museums, you know. They're all ancient." Taehyung sighs dramatically.

Jimin rolls his eyes, "We're here to appreciate the art right? So appreciate me."

"You wish." Jeongguk snorts.

Their teacher gives them a look when they snicker too loudly so they cough and straighten out while avoiding his gaze.

They don't stand around for long because a bright voice is soon greeting them and thanking them for visiting their museum. Jeongguk should’ve looked up then but Jimin was saying something that probably wasn't even remotely appropriate and Jeongguk had to shove him away from the sheer stupidity.

But oh, when he did look up.

Their guide was smiling warmly at him (lies, he was smiling warmly at the group) his teeth perfectly straight and white in the soft lighting. In the cheesiest most cliche fashion the noise around Jeongguk simmers to a dull roar and even Taehyung poking at his side is not enough to get his attentive to waver from the man (boy? dude?) before him. His jawline is defined, attractive, his hair a shiny deep brown that is parted down the middle. His face is unique, a kind of attractive that deviates from the standard "traditionally handsome" but still leaves Jeongguk in awe. It doesn't help really that his eyes flutter to heart shaped rosy lips and Taehyung harshly whispers, "What the fuck? He's hot as hell."

"And we'll finally come to our Van Gogh exhibit which is with us for just the remainder of this week. Any questions?"

A murmur of sound envelops the class and Jeongguk swears he hears one of the girls ask under her breath, "Is oppa single?"

Taehyung sticks his hand high up in the air and the guide motions for him to ask his question, "Yes, will you tell us by chance, who made the masterpiece called you?"

The man laughs heartily as if he's heard this many times before and he dusts some imaginary dirt off of his long coat, "Of course, you might thank my parents for that. They're lovely people. Any more actual questions?"

When the group remains silent he nods pleasantly and claps his hands together, "Alright then, welcome to our museum we hope you'll find it most interesting." He leads them down the main hall and up a flight of stairs, "We were established in 1973 by our benefactors Kim Junghwan and Park Minjoon after three years of construction. The entire museum was built on a budget of $26 million. We have, over time, gone through various renovations and expansions. Our newest expansion is our modern art wing which will be right before our Van Gogh exhibit later on."

"Can we talk about his ass instead because god damn!" Jeongguk isn't sure if he should be offended at Taehyung's words but then again he always has been too honest for his own good.

Jeongguk focuses on his shoes as they climb the stairs, "Stop being disgusting, hyung."

Jimin snorts, "Like your jaw wasn't hanging to the ground when you saw him, Jeonggukie. Don't act the saint."

Jeongguk feels his ears reddening at the realization that he had been caught, "I wasn't acting like a saint. But at least I have enough decency to keep it to myself and not be a pervert like Tae." The boy in question sticks his tongue out childishly at Jeongguk and he whips he flaps of his blazer to create a cracking sound.

Mina, who’s famously had a crush on Taehyung since forever, rolls her eyes at him, flipping her hair goodnaturedly over her shoulder. Jimin raises his eyebrows at Taehyung as Mina runs up the stairs. Once they're on the landing Jimin tugs at Taehyung's shirt, "You've screwed your chances with Mina, now she thinks you're a perv."

Taehyung scoffs, "No one can resist me."

They all pack themselves on the landing, their guide (fucking hell what is his name he must have introduced himself, didn't he? Jeongguk probably missed it when he was drooling over him, face-fucking-palm) waits for them to settle around him, "Our sculpture wing houses some of the works of prominent local artists, along with various works from all over the world as well." He moves them down the hall, "This one here is called 'The Dancers' by Park Jongin. It's made from fiberglass and as you can see it shows a man and a woman dressed in traditional hanbok."

Jeongguk is shy, sometimes painfully so in front of groups and new people so it surprises him when his hand shoots into the air, seemingly of it's own accord. The man quirks up his eyebrows nodding, "Yes?"

Jeongguk's mind goes blank for a second and he panics, his hand now shooting down just as fast, "Uh ... um. Is, I mean do you uh, know what his inspiration for this piece was?"

The man nods understandingly, "Yes, well, many of his works are more 'traditional' in a sense. For this particular piece he gave us two words, 'youthful love'. For me it just seems like the innocence and bright time of youth but art is subjective, so think of it however you’d like."

Jeongguk nods and Jimin snickers into his shoulder. Jeongguk feels his ears redden even more as Taehyung hangs off of his arm. The class murmurs lowly to themselves as they're led down the hall by a warm smile.

"Jeonggukie has a crush!" Taehyung sing songs as they drift further down the aisle.

"Hyung!" Jeongguk whines. When they continue their good natured teasing he distances himself from them, instead going over to gaze appreciatively at another sculpture even as he feels Jimin and Tae gossiping about him. Beside him a boy, that Jeongguk can never remember the name of asks him, "Do you think we can take pictures?" He shrugs his shoulders and the boy furrows his eyebrows before holding his hand up to grab their guide's attention.

"Hoseok-ssi, would we be allowed to take pictures with the art?"

The man (Hoseok, Jeongguk says in his mind) elegantly nods his head, "Oh, I'm glad you mentioned this, thank you." Then with a slightly louder tone of voice addresses the group, "You are welcome to take any photographs with most of our art. We just ask you that you turn off your flash and the shutter sound and please do not touch the art. We do have some interactive sculptures further down this hall that you are encouraged to touch and take pictures with. Unfortunately we are not under the discretion of allowing photographs in our Van Gogh exhibit or our impressionist exhibit."

The class nods along before turning back to looking at the various art sculptures. Hoseok, then, turns to the boy beside Jeongguk again, "As long as you are respectful you are free to take as many pictures as you'd like."

The boy nods, "Thank you, Hoseok-ssi." Then to Jeongguk, "Would you mind taking a few of me?"

Jeongguk immediately says that it wouldn't be a bother at all. Jeongguk is handed a phone and with it he snaps a couple pictures of him. He hands the phone back but the boy wishes to check the pictures and does so next to Jeongguk. He flips through the pictures letting out a low, "Wah! These are really good." Jeongguk melts under the praise, they really did come out nicely. But then his eyes drift into the background and well, fuck.

Hoseok (the name is fitting, Jeongguk thinks) stands in the background, he's in profile talking to Jeongguk's teacher and by God, he's gorgeous. The sharp line of his defined jaw and little wisps of hair falling just over his eyes. Jeongguk itches to grab his camera, or his sketchbook, to try to capture the man in all of his beauty.

"Thanks."

The screen is turned off and Jeongguk smiles shyly, "No problem."'

He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. Jimin and Tae are standing near the entrance and Jeongguk has no choice but to walk back. They abruptly stop talking and Jeongguk rolls his eyes, "Oh, don't stop for me guys."

Jimin cackles, gathering a few strange looks, "You have fun with your new friend?"

Jeongguk punches Jimin's arm, "Be quiet."

They're only in the sculpture wing for a couple more minutes, Hoseok's deep voice guiding them towards another part of the museum. They goof around on the interactive sculptures and Jeongguk doesn't notice the way Hoseok laughs brightly at all of Jeongguk's exaggerated expressions. They play around on the modified perspective displays and walk down the hall to the next exhibit. Jimin bumps shoulders with him while they inspect the pictures.

"So cute, Jeonggukie." Jimin coos. Jeongguk has, over time, become (mostly) immune to Jimin's praises and coos but, for some reason he feels a creeping blush run up his neck.

They walk further along, talking in low murmurs. The soft warm lighting casts everyone in an attractive light. They stop in a new wing of the museum. It’s paintings this time. Jeongguk feels right at home. Little frames hang on the walls and some are held on stands. One massive piece, encompassing the entire far wall, grabs Jeongguk's attention right away. With swirls of baby blues and soft oranges and pale greens, a pond takes shape. Against the white of the walls the painting looks absolutely spectacular, illuminated by three soft spotlights. Some benches are placed strategically for people to sit and admire it in all of it's beauty.

Jeongguk is immediately enthralled and he slips away from Jimin's grasp, the elder distracted with another painting on the adjacent wall. The closer he gets the more colors he can see. The blues are actually pale lilacs and vibrant ceruleans, the oranges fiery reds and simmering golden yellows. It’s beautiful and Jeongguk settles down on a bench almost in a trance.

“Looks like a Monet right?”

It takes him a second to realize someone is talking to him so he mumbles out, “Hmm?” the tips of his ears blushing in embarrassment.

“Doesn’t it remind you of a Monet?”

Oh.

“I-i-it does actually.” Jeongguk ducks his head down in embarrassment, standing in the presence of the (probably) elder. It’s sort of a come-and-go thing, his stuttering. More so prevalent when he’s put on the spot or when talking in front of new (attractive) people and he hates it. Makes him feel socially incompetent.

“The artist is Kim Haru. One of her greatest inspirations was Monet. You can say she might have been his protégé should they have lived during the same time. Her use of color is truly brilliant. Isn't it?”

Jeongguk takes a couple deep breaths in through his nose, he’s not going to be weird. He’s going to be a perfectly normal human being but, shit, he smells so good. Fuck, is that weird? Is it weird to say someone smells good? Wait yeah that’s probably creepy, don’t say that say something about art, “It’s astounding. Her um, the brushstrokes, they’re so confident.”

“Oh, yes. Lovely isn’t it? Do you, I mean you obviously are if you’re here with your art teacher, but, what kind of art do you do?”

Jeongguk shifts his weight and in doing so bumps his shoulder against Hoseok’s and it does nothing to help the blush blooming high on his cheeks.

“Mostly photography though I do painting and drawing as well.”

Hoseok lets out a soft, “Ah,” at this and smiles warmly, “I trust you feel more at home here than in our sculpture wing then.”

Jeongguk stares at his feet, afraid he’ll say something stupid, “Yeah.”

“You’ll like our photography exhibits.” He smiles softly then and Jeongguk feels an ache in his chest at how beautiful it really is, “Please look forward to them. Don’t hesitate to ask any questions you might have alright?”

Jeongguk nods and the man is off again, telling backstories of different works to his classmates. Jeongguk’s got a crush the size of Texas (Texas is fucking huge man, he looked it up. Seven Koreas would fit inside of it what the fuck kind of country is the US?) and he feels like he’s in one of the animes he watches, a student with a crush on someone he’s not supposed to.

It’s annoying.

But then again so is watching Hoseok walk around and be friendly with everyone and watching Taehyung and Jimin try to flirt him up. They’re so embarrassing, Hoseok’s probably not even into guys, right? He’s handsome as fuck he’s bound to have a significant other, and if he does then it doesn’t even matter if he were gay or not because Jeongguk would have no chance whatsoever. Well, it’s not like he has one now, he’s a 19 year old kid still in high school and here’s Hoseok with an impressive adult™ job and a nice expensive looking coat and a smile that could end wars and Jeongguk is well … Jeongguk paints and hangs out with his friends and his nose is a little too big for his face and he’s got his entire life laid out before him and he has no idea what to do with himself.

So anyways, crush on Hoseok, yeah, annoying.

They’re led down another hallway and through another gallery and it’s all beautiful and everything but here’s the thing: so is Hoseok. Jeongguk wants to shrivel up and die, every time one of the girls in his class raises her hand to call Hoseok over. And it’s stupid because Jeongguk hasn’t even known Hoseok for two hours. You can’t even call it “knowing” all Jeongguk knows is his name is Hoseok and he works at the museum. He doesn't know how old he is or his family name. Hoseok doesn’t even know Jeongguk’s name so why is he so fucking uncomfortable every time someone takes up just a little too much of Hoseok’s attention? It’s stupid, this is stupid. Jeongguk is not a jealous person and he certainly won’t start being one for some guy he thinks is handsome, who is his tour guide in this freaking museum, so it’s fine. Totally fine. Yeah.

“I didn’t catch your name last time.”

Shit.

Jeongguk clears his throat, bowing slightly to Hoseok, “Ah, yes, sorry. Jeon Jeongguk, nice to meet you.”

“Jeongguk-ssi, how are you finding our photography exhibit?”

Jeongguk shuffles his feet awkwardly, “Ah, it’s nice. I-I’m not, I’m sorry I’m not very, like, technical I guess. I can’t talk to you about some of the stuff you probably want to discuss with me, Hoseok … ssi.” Jeongguk feels his cheeks flame up at not knowing what to call Hoseok.

“We’re not snobs here, Jeongguk-ssi. It’s quite alright, we just like to encourage people to actually look at and think about the art.”

“Of course.”

“So what do you think?”

Jeongguk smiles, “Art is amazing. It’s so complex and makes people feel. I-I think it’s beautiful just how it captures human emotion and how we as humans have been so fascinated with it since prehistoric times. I don’t know, I, just the world is full of beautiful and cool things and art is what we do to try to recreate that.”

Hoseok hums appreciatively, “You are right, Jeongguk-ssi. You know we could always use more volunteers around the museum. If you’re interested I could maybe put in a good word for you.”

Jeongguk coughs, “Ah, thank you Hoseok-ssi, but I, ah, gotta stay focused on school. I’m going to Seoul National in the fall and I couldn’t. Thank you, though.”

Jeongguk sees a flash of giddiness in Hoseok’s eyes, “Seoul National? Majoring in what?”

“Performing arts, well I guess just art in general. I’m minoring in business.”

Hoseok nods, “Well maybe I’ll see you around then Jeongguk-ssi. I go there as well. Majoring in anthropology but with a minor in performing arts too.”

Jeongguk sort of zones out for a second because, shit, Hoseok, handsome, elegant, gentle Hoseok goes to Seoul fucking National. Wait, that means he’s not that much older than Jeongguk. Holy shit, he’s going to go to the same school as Hoseok.

It’s out of his mouth really before he even has a chance to process it, “Really, hyung?” He slaps his hand over his mouth immediately, bowing a couple times in apology. His cheeks flame at using a familiar term with someone he’s barely known for three hours.

Hoseok, however, is laughing, “Ah, well I guess I am your hyung, right? It’s alright Jeongguk-ssi you can call me that.”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, “You sure?”

“Positive. It’s kinda weird being called Hoseok-ssi anyways since everyone I work with is older than me. It’s a nice change and, I think you and I will be great friends Jeongguk-ah. Do you mind if I call you that?”

Jeongguk shakes his head.

“Cool. I’ll leave you to your friends then, our impressionist gallery is next.”

Jeongguk is a little dizzy with the interaction, Jimin and Taehyung swarming him after Hoseok leaves does nothing to help this.

“What were you talking to our dear Jung Hoseok about?” Jimin whispers.

Taehyung fans Jeongguk with one of his brochures, an annoyed expression on his face, “Don’t be greedy, Jeongguk. Let the rest of the class bask in his handsomeness as well.”

Jeongguk brushes them off, straightening his coat, “Guys, shut up. We were talking about the art.”

Taehyung shares a look with Jimin, “Well did you get his phone number at least.”

The blush that had finally died down, bloomed once again up Jeongguk’s neck and he punched Tae lightly on the arm, “Perv.”

The tour ends all too quickly after that for Jeongguk’s taste, spending only fifteen minutes in the Van Gogh exhibit with Hoseok before he thanked their class for coming and left them to their own devices. Van Gogh was a masterful artist and Jeongguk’s eyes widened with the colors and the brushstrokes and the pure life in his paintings but Jeongguk eventually found himself going back to that massive painting one more time one more time with Taehyung and Jimin.
Without Hoseok to oogle at the two slightly older boys paid more attention to the art, actually looking at it in awe this time around. They quietly walked through the halls, bunched up together. They take a couple more pictures with the sculptures and hurry back to the gardens for lunch.

It was chilly day, but, the sun streamed blissfully through the cherry blossoms to warm Jeongguk’s face. Taehyung had his head in Jeongguk’s lap, opening his mouth periodically to be fed and Jeongguk rolls his eyes at how much of a couple they would look to be to anyone other than Jimin.

Lunch was unhurried, filled with sunny laughs and warm soups, even though the spring air caused them to pull their coats on tighter.

After lunch, Hoseok greeted them once again and ushered them into a room to see a little documentary on the museum.

Jeongguk figures he’s running out of time.

And run out of time he does because soon enough it’s time to them to head back to school and Hoseok only pulls him aside to say goodbye and Jeongguk doesn’t want to make it weird by asking for his phone number, so he doesn’t. Which was the single most stupid decision he’s ever made.

So now they’re on the subway again and Jeongguk is trying to think of ways he might somehow accidentally find his way back to the museum again. The problem is, all the accidental ways he can think of end up making him look like a complete clingy teenager and that is one thing Jeongguk is not.

April comes and goes and in the end so does May.

Graduation flies by in a flurry of excitement and stress. His mother pinches his cheeks and smiles up at him with tears in her eyes, “My son has grown up so handsomely. My baby is so intelligent too.”

It’s in the summer that he goes back, alone this time. And he takes his time, wandering through the hallways with a sort of wistful feeling. The Van Gogh exhibit is replaced with some abstractionist that Jeongguk faintly remembers the name of. But he’s glad the painting is still there, that pond which Jeongguk just can’t seem to look away from.

Perfectly, like out of a drama, Jeongguk hears a voice beside him say, “What do you see in it now?”

Jeongguk smiles, “Youth and life and how it changes.”

“You see that’s what I love about art, Jeongguk-ah. What we experience in the world and what knowledge and new feelings we gain are all reflected in how we see art differently. It’s constantly changing, constantly improving. It’s just pigments on a canvas but it makes you feel so much more.”

Jeongguk sneaks a look at Hoseok. He understands it. He understands it perfectly.

He doesn’t feel like he needs to add anything so he doesn’t. He bumps his shoulder against Hoseok’s and the elder glances at his watch.

“Hey, do you wanna get something to eat? My shift ends in 20 and you Jeonggukie, soon to be Seoul National Freshman could use some tips from this senior. How about it?”

Jeongguk doesn’t think he could say no to that glowing smile even if he wanted to, “Okay, hyung.”

Hoseok’s skin looks beautiful in the light of the sun, glowing and pretty. His sharp nose and the strong line of his jaw and the golden jut of his collarbones all too eye catching.

“What do you like?”

Jeongguk moves to the side, stepping out of the way of an ahjumma with a mission, “Oh, me? I like everything.”

Hoseok hums as they walk down the steps toward the subway, “How about meat? Samgyeopsal sound alright?” Jeongguk nods.

The subway is particularly busy, a late summer Friday night and the world is abuzz with energy. It shouldn’t surprise Jeongguk when Hoseok places his hand lightly on his lower back, to not lose him, to guide him. Yet, it does. Jeongguk’s shirt is thin and Hoseok’s hand is warm.

Comforting.

The subway is packed, Jeongguk squeezed in against the wall and Hoseok. From up close he’s even more handsome, the golden skin of his arm raised over him to hang onto the bar, slightly caging Jeongguk in. Hoseok talks to him in murmurs, the deep voice is the only thing Jeongguk can pay attention to.

Dinner is nice, cozy.

Hoseok has a depth which Jeongguk could only guess at before. A heart of gold, a free soul, a clear mind. He dances, has a noona that he adores, parents he is ever so grateful to. He’s a beautiful person with an even more beautiful soul and if Jeongguk didn’t already have a crush the size of Asia (it’s tripled, it’s quadrupled, it will continue to grow) then this would be it.

“Get home safe, Jeonggukie.”

“You too, hyung.”

(Hoseok is really funny, his texts are hilarious and Jeongguk finds he isn’t as awkward around the elder as he thought he was gonna be.)

Move in day is going fucking fantastic thank you very much. Jeongguk’s lost an entire box full of shoes worth more than 3 million won and all Jimin is doing is sitting on his ass and complaining because the idiot had to go and sprain his ankle two days before school starts. Great, wonderful, amazing.

“Are you sure maybe you didn’t leave it at your parent’s house?”

Jeongguk wants to pull out his hair, because no he’s abso-fucking-luetly positive he stuffed them in the back of his car and they were on the elevator along with all of his white tee shirts please and thank you so no they’re not at his parent’s house.

Jeongguk’s phone vibrates in his pocket and he begrudgingly takes it out, squinting at the little notification on the lock screen

From: Hoseokie Hyung
How’s moving day going, freshie?
2:34 pm

From: Jeongguk-ah!
I should’ve stayed at my parent’s house
I lost six pairs of shoes
2:35 pm

From: Hoseokie Hyung
Ah, you must learn young sapling
Mind if I bring pizza over to celebrate your first night of being an adult™?
2:39 pm

From: Jeongguk-ah!
Bring 3 pizzas. Jimin hyung is hungry too
Apt# 356 the passcode is 7845
2:41 pm

From: Hoseokie Hyung
:)
2:42 pm

It’s over greasy (but oh so delicious) slices of pizza that Jeongguk learns maybe the tiniest bit about Hoseok and his dubious love life. Jeongguk can’t remember really how the conversation got to where it is but … well.

“No, well see I had my first girlfriend when I was 13. It was totally fucking hilarious because for some reason I still thought girls had some sort of contagious disease. Anyways she was pretty, I think her name was Kim Hyeri and it was like some school dance of some sort. So alright it was our first like major date because I mean what’s more official than having a date to a middle school dance? Anyways I borrowed one of my cousin’s old tuxes and I bought her flowers and everything.”

Jeongguk likes watching Hoseok speak. He likes to use his hands a lot and his fingers are pretty and long. His eyes shine with this great enthusiasm and the apples of his cheeks are so, so pretty.

“So I’m standing in her living room with a bouquet of flowers and a little pin that my mom bought for me and told me to give to her and I hear this fucking cricket. So I’m thinking why the hell can I hear a cricket do her parents own like a snake or some shit and they’re feeding it live crickets? But no, my friends. Next thing I do is sneeze and then I look down and what do you fucking know a cricket is sitting on top of a daisy. Poor Hyeri was coming into the living room then and her dad was behind her and I did what any normal person would do. I threw that shit clear across the fucking room.”

Jimin starts cackling then, rolling over on his side and kicking his feet while he barely manages to keep his slice of pizza off the floor, “No way, hyung! Please tell me it didn’t hit her!”

Hoseok is laughing then, pulling his hand up to hide his teeth and he’s trying to continue, “I, I wasn’t trying to hit anyone. I just wanted that creepy ass bug away from me but poor Hyeri got a chest full of flowers. She,” he takes a second to laugh, “she was startled but she didn’t get hit in the face with the flowers you know? So I, so I thought it was all going to be fine but the fucking cricket landed on her dad’s head. So next thing you know her dad’s screaming and pulling at his hair and Hyeri starts hitting him with the flowers to get the bug off.”

Jeongguk is shaking with laughter, Hoseok’s own is contagious and he can’t help but laugh at the thought of a 13 year old Jung Hoseok screaming his head off because of a cricket.

“So her mom, her mom comes into the living room confused as hell. I’m just standing there with the fear of God in me, like I swear I was as white as a ghost. Hyeri is screeching and then she comes and hides behind me until finally her dad gets the thing off and the cricket bounces off behind the couch or some shit.”

Jimin rolls over and knocks one of his feet on the coffee table the pizza boxes precariously balanced on the edge. He takes heaving breaths and Jeongguk thinks he’s might actually wet his pants with how he’s literally rolling around on the floor.

“But we ended up going to the stupid dance and she didn’t even break up with me! She told all of her friends I got scared of a cricket though and they’d always make cricket noises when I would walk by them. Man, so yeah that was my first girlfriend.”

Jimin regains his composure and sits up, “That was fucking hilarious, hyung. I can imagine it, I really can.”

Hoseok takes a bite of pizza, “Yah! Don’t make fun of me. Having a fear of bugs is perfectly normal.”

Jeongguk smiles, “Did she break up with you or did you break up with her.”

Hoseok sticks his nose up in the air and turns his head, “Of course I broke up with her … after she broke up with me.”

This sends the three into another fit of laughter. They quiet down after a couple of minutes. The hallway light flickers along with the rest of their soft giggles.

“I’ve broken my fair share of hearts, though. Do not let 13 year old me’s actions confuse you. I’ve done all the breaking up from then on out, I swear. Your heart belongs to yourself after all.”

Jeongguk wonders exactly how many there have been. How many have had a piece of their heart stolen by this charming human. How many have had their hearts shattered in that wrenching twisted way that is young love. Jeongguk wonders if he’ll become one of them, though, he doubts that anything Hoseok could do would hurt him. Not when his smile is all soft edges and his fingers rest on Jeongguk’s ankle so warmly. Not when Hoseok ruffles his hair on his way out the door and tells him to sleep well. Not when Hoseok sends him smiley emojis and tells him little anecdotes of his job at the museum.

Half a semester into the year Jeongguk learns there is no one else. At least there hasn’t been for the past two years.

His name was Minjoon that was Hoseok’s last boyfriend. Hoseok didn’t lie he broke up with him and from what Jeongguk hears from friends of friends he never really got over it.

Jeongguk doesn’t exactly know what to feel or how to react.

On that field trip Jeongguk had liked Hoseok in a way one likes a puppy on the street. It was fleeting, he liked the idea of Hoseok of having someone as handsome and nice as him. It’s morphed into something more now that Jeongguk spends so much time around him. It feels more raw.

Jeongguk has fallen in love.

But, well, Hoseok hasn’t you see. He sees Jeongguk as this kid this little freshie eyes blown wide with the possibility of his life set out before him. Or at least that’s what Jeongguk feels every time he hangs out with Hoseok. The elder’s eyes don’t linger for a second too long. The elder doesn’t secretly gush inside at every brush of their shoulders together as they walk to the school cafe.

But oh, Jeongguk does all of that. He does all of that and more and he’s fallen in love with the way Hoseok walks and the way he ruffles Jeongguk’s hair goodbye. He’s fallen in love with pretty teeth and soft hair and warm eyes.

It haunts him. Those eyes are painted, sketched, drawn, photographed in his brain. His desk is littered with sketches of Hoseok’s hands and of Hoseok’s smile. His phone is full of stupid selfies of both of them together, of them after dance practice with Jimin throwing finger hearts in the background. His heart is full of Hoseok and his mind is full of Hoseok’s soothing voice.

But it doesn’t matter.

If Jeongguk got to be friends with, to be close to, Hoseok for the rest of his life he would be more than fine with it. Being close to him is all he needs. He doesn’t think his heart would be able to take it … if he never got to see one of Hoseok’s smiles ever again.

Jeongguk treasures their friendship, like he’s never treasured anything before. And because of that he won’t screw it up.

Jeongguk’s first college finals week; you can say it’s going decent.

He hasn’t completely had a meltdown yet, which is more than Jimin can say for himself since Jeongguk had to stay up with him all of last Saturday night to help calm the elder’s frazzled nerves. He doesn’t have a psychotic professor that makes his final worth something like 40% which Namjoon hyung relates one of his professors his freshman year (in the class he met Hoseok in) actually fucking did. Jeongguk hasn’t called his mom crying about the stress so it’s all going totally fine.

But, he has only slept for 6.5 hours within the past three days and his room is littered with more notebooks filled to the brim with notes than a recycling plant. He’s got three weeks worth of laundry to do and more empty cups of iced americanos than pairs of socks. And the last time he had a decent meal was when Namjoon hyung invited him and Jimin and Taetae out to eat, which had been a week and a half ago.

Math is really what’s fucking him up, curse calculus and it’s creator. Literature isn’t all that bad and Namjoon has been helping him prepare for his oral English final so his core classes really are taken care of. So he shouldn’t be feeling like the end of the world is near.

But as he stares at the canvas beneath his fingertips he really starts to feel like maybe he should drop out and live in his mom’s basement. The sketch for his painting final is roughly drawn and he’s not happy with it. Hoseok’s ear is oddly shaped and his neck seems disproportionate and his memories can never quite compare to how happy and glowing Hoseok looks when he smiles.

He doesn't know really how to ask him though. He’s written thirty different texts trying to somehow convey what he needs, wants, Hoseok to do. It shouldn’t be a big deal he hangs out with Hoseok more than he does almost anyone else besides Jimin. But there’s just something so intimate about having Hoseok model for him. It might be crossing some invisible line that might make Hoseok uncomfortable and Jeongguk would never want that.

But his final is his final and his GPA depends on it so he grows a fucking pair and calls Hoseok.

“Hello?”

“Hey hyung, do you have a minute?”

There’s a rustling on the other end and little huff before Hoseok responds, “Sure Jeonggukie. I’m in the library so just let me step outside.” Hoseok hums and Jeongguk smiles into his phone.

“Alright, I’m all ears. What’s up?”

Jeongguk’s throat constricts, “Um, hyung are you, by chance, um free this afternoon? I just my ah painting final we have to do a portrait and I was wondering if you would … I was wondering if you would mind maybe … modeling for me? I swear I won’t like make you do any weird poses and it’s okay if you can’t I can get Jimin or Tae to do it. They’re just sort of really busy at the moment as well but if you can’t then I under--”

"You mean I get the chance to be a model and get painted by the famous Jeon Jeongguk? Of course I’m in. You know I’ve never really seen you create one of your works, this should be fun."

Jeongguk feels heat bloom in his cheeks and he places his face into his hands.

“You said this afternoon right?"

“Mhmm, in the art building."

“I have to turn in a paper by four but I’m free after that. How about I bring some food and we make it a date?”

Jeongguk knows Hoseok means it in a joking way but that does nothing to stop his heart from jumping out his chest and his lungs from collapsing on themselves. He laughs, it’s shaky and fake, “S-sure, hyung. It’s a date.”

The late afternoon sun drenches Hoseok. Soft. Bright. Lovely. They decided to have dinner or lunch or whatever meal this counted as outside, enjoying the last few days of warmth. The wind is soft ruffling Jeongguk’s own hair and making tendrils of Hoseok’s fall in his eyes. The food is good, some chinese place a ten minute walk from campus that Hoseok frequents a lot. Hoseok chews absentmindedly and Jeongguk notices those cute little dimples that appear on the sides of the elder’s mouth. It’s devastatingly cute especially with the halo of sunlight that Hoseok is surrounded in and Jeongguk feels his heart tighten.

“What are you thinking about Gukkie?”

Jeongguk sips on his coke, “Nothing.”

"Yah! Do girls like the stoic types or something? You sure work it well don’t you Gukkie.” Hoseok coos and pinches his cheeks and it makes him feel so inadequate. His ears burn in embarrassment and he shies away from the touch.

“I don’t care about what girls like.”

“Boys then?"

I only care about you.

“I don’t care about what anyone likes.”

Hoseok shoves him lightly and laughs, “Yah! When did you turn into Mr. Tsundere?“

"You’re so over dramatic, hyung. Are you almost done? We only have two hours max of good sunlight left."

Hoseok huffs, “Hyung is a little older than you, Guk. Can’t inhale my food like all you freshman can anymore but yes I’m done. I’m ready to be wowed Jeongguk-ssi. Show me what you can do.”

It becomes a scene too similar to Titanic for Jeongguk way too soon. He’d instructed Hoseok to sit down on the desk … um the ah chair, sorry. And then he’d set up his easel and his palate and the paints soon splotched over the skin of his fingers as Hoseok told him a story about when he was younger.

“But if I hadn’t scraped my knees that day then I would have had to go to school the next day and that day was show and tell. My friend told me some girl’s pet toad got loose and everyone was terrified so really I should thank someone for that.”

Jeongguk just laughs and ducks behind his canvas again, “You were probably a cute kid, hyung.”

Hoseok scoffs, “Am I not cute now?” Then he frames his face with his hands and makes the cutest (grossest) face Jeongguk has ever seen.

Of course you’re cute.

“Don’t move around too much, hyung.” Jeongguk dips his brush back into the golden honey color of Hoseok’s skin and deepens the curve of his jaw.

“Sorry, Jeongguk-ssi. Am I disrupting your creative process?”

Jeongguk huffs to blow his bangs out of his eyes, fingers covered in yellows and blues, “No, but I’m almost done.” Hoseok almost vibrates in his seat with excitement his eyes shining anew with glee.

Twenty minutes later Jeongguk thinks it's done. He sets down his palate it’s full of yellows and browns and all the honey golden color of Hoseok’s eyes. It’s done.

“Can hyung see it?”

Jeongguk sort of feels like he’s baring his soul. Like Hoseok will take one look at the canvas and absolutely know that Jeongguk has fallen in love with him. But it’s some of his best work and Jeongguk can’t, won’t, deny Hoseok.

“Okay.”

This isn’t right.

Jeongguk doesn't feel right.

Jimin’s always teased him about being a lightweight but Jeongguk had never cared.

He doesn’t feel right. His heart hurts, actually no, it feels like it’s missing. It feels like his chest is just a cavity with nothing in it. This nothingness trying to crawl its way to Jeongguk’s limbs. He feels empty and it hurts. It hurts so much.

It shouldn’t be, though. Hoseok isn’t his and he can kiss whoever he wants to even if something sticky and dark crawls through Jeongguk’s veins corrupting his lungs, his foggy mind. He brings the cup back up to his lips and downs the last of whatever alcohol was in it. He slumps against the seat and curls into Taehyung’s side. His line of sight is painful.

It had been Namjoon’s idea to celebrate finals being over, a welcome break from the stress of school. But it had been Seokjin, Namjoon’s boyfriend (a recently graduated acting major), to suggest going to a club. It was fine at first. Jeongguk was carefree now that finals were off of his back and he laughed along with his hyungs and got to bask in Hoseok’s praises for how well he did on his finals, for how good he’s been holding up.

Hoseok was five drinks in and Jeongguk was only two and a half drinks in but his cheeks were already pink and he was bubbly and bright. Jimin was putting his hips to work on some girl while Namjoon and Seokjin talked politics like an old married couple. Taehyung was probably bothering the bartender when Hoseok said he wanted to dance.

He had pulled at Jeongguk’s arms but he’s always been a lightweight and his limbs would not obey him so he sat and watched as Hoseok danced, carefree. Sat and watched a stranger put his hands on Hoseok’s hips. Sat and watched when that same stranger whispered in Hoseok’s ear and not two minutes later stuck his tongue down his hyung’s throat.

His line of sight is painful. Hoseok is still making out with the stranger and Jeongguk whines into Taehyung’s shoulder, he wants to go home.

He remembers faintly the warm interaction they had two weeks ago when Jeongguk showed him the finished painting.

“Wah! Our talented precious Jeonggukie, you made me more handsome than I am. Are you sure you don’t like me, Jeonggukie?”

I do. I do. I do.

“It’s beautiful. I wish I could keep it.” Hoseok traced the faint markings of his brush. “Thank you for letting me see this, Gguk. I know I lot of people wouldn’t”

And then he’d kissed Jeongguk on the cheek and pulled him by the hand.

“You okay, Jeonggukie?” Taehyung’s chest rumbles with his voice and Jeongguk lets a tear run down his cheek.

“I wanna go home.”

He doesn’t ignore Hoseok because he's greedy and selfish but he doesn’t quite act the same either. He wasn’t nearly as happy, wasn’t nearly as eager to please. Jeongguk knows he’s being petty but he doesn’t care.

“Jeon Jeongguk, you idiot, if I have to come home one more time to you dramatically looking out the window with ‘Fools’ playing in the background I will knock you upside the head and tell your mother.”

Jeongguk huffs, “I’m not being dramatic. And I like Troye Sivan I’ll have you know.”

Jimin kicks off his shoes and throws his coat on the couch. His hair is white with melting snowflakes and he raises one perfect eyebrow, “Well I like Troye Sivan as well but there are songs besides ‘Fools’ on his damn album.”

Jeongguk shrugs and unlocks his phone.

He thought the conversation was over but when he’s met with a faceful of pillow and his phone he guesses it maybe wasn’t.

“Stop moping. If you’d have asked Hoseok hyung out a semester ago you wouldn’t be sitting here looking like your life is gonna end you dramatic weirdo.”

“Like he would have said yes.”

Jimin sighs and sits on the arm of the couch taking Jeongguk’s face very theatrically in both hands, “How. Do. You. Know?"

The truth is Jeongguk doesn’t know. He’s just always been too afraid of rejection. He’s been too afraid of ruining a friendship.

“I don’t.”

Jimin hops off the arm of the couch, “Exactly you don’t. So get over your stupid fears and ask hyung out because I swear if I come home to this one more time.”

“Any brilliant suggestions on how to do that?”

Jimin pretends to think, “No. Just show him your best bunny smile my dear Jeonggukie. Even I haven’t grown immune to it and I’ve known you my entire life, good luck.”

So it goes down a little like this.

A week before Christmas Jeongguk finally texted Hoseok and asked him to meet him for coffee. Hoseok had complained of neglect from his favorite dongsaeng but agreed and between big scarves in shades of brown and coffee in more delicious shades of brown Jeongguk had to go and open his big mouth without any of the elegance he had so tirelessly practiced the entirety of the day before.

“Hyung, I like you.”

The elder who’d been in the middle of telling Jeongguk about the gift he got for his noona froze in his seat. The latte in his hand was set down so hard a little cream spilled off the edge of the pristine white cup.

“What?”

Jeongguk’s breathing quickens and he mentally kicks himself for being such an idiot, “Hy-hyung. I l-like yo-you.” Jeongguk curses his nervous stutter and he wrings his hands in his lap. “I like you and I don’t I c-can’t. I … just seeing you. Seeing you at that club with, with that guy it made me so, so sad.”

He looks up through his bangs and Hoseok is staring at his jaw agape, still as breathtaking as ever, “Fuck, okay. I, I liked you, God, hyung I liked you s-since that day at the museum and I’m sorry. I fucked this up. I’m sorry."

Jeongguk wants the seat to swallow him up whole. Hoseok clears his throat and shakes his head. There’s a minute, three, five of just silence of Jeongguk’s burning up alive. The heat of embarrassment prominent on his cheeks and his ears. He looks at the floor at his own hands.

“Hyung, I-"

Hoseok sighs, “Mmm, you know Gukkie, I always sort of suspected you did.”

Jeongguk whips his head up so fast the room spins, “W-what?”

“You have the biggest puppy eyes you know? You never looked at anyone with those eyes … but you did … at me.”

Jeongguk stands up, “You don’t have to make fun of me. Just say no and l-leave it at that. I’m sorry I ev-ever said anything.”

Hoseok just sighs, “Sit down, Gukkie. For me, please?"

Jeongguk holds Hoseok’s gaze but only for a second before his embarrassment returns and he launches himself back in his seat.

“Thank you.” Hoseok takes a quick sip of his latte and folds his hands in his lap, “I wasn’t making fun of you Gguk, alright? Okay so you like me? I don’t know why you assumed I don’t like you back, because I do.”

Jeongguk feels his heart beat at twice the speed and he fears he may be having a heart attack, “A-are you sure?”

Hoseok laughs and the sounds breaks the tension, “What do you mean ‘am I sure?’ I’m pretty sure I know my own feelings.”

Jeongguk buries his face in his hands and groans, “I can’t believe you. You made me sit here … fuck wow.” Jeongguk huffs, “Okay yeah wow.”

Hoseok chuckles, “You’re cute.”

Jeongguk looks up from his hands and smiles, “Okay, hyung. So … do you wanna … date me?”

Hoseok takes a sip daintily from his cup and peers up at Jeongguk through his eyelashes, “Of course I would, Jeonggukie. I said I liked you didn’t I?”

Oh my God.

“Hyung can I, can I do something?”

Hoseok has a coy look in his eye when he answers, “Do what Jeonggukie?”

Jeongguk blushes and bites his lip. He stares down at the table, the marble in pretty shades of white and black, he softly reaches his hand across to bump knuckles with Hoseok whose fingers are still loosely wrapped around the handle of his cup.

“Ah."

Hoseok lets Jeongguk take his hand in both of his and he smiles at the younger. It fills Jeongguk with a happy yellow feeling and it warms his toes. Jeongguk wishes to be the last one. He wishes to be the last one to give away his heart to Hoseok.