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Seible watches the clock in the subway station ticking, tick and tack to the never-ending heartbeat of his for no particular reason at all. Everyone in here is just living in the busyness of the city's life, all in a rush that Seible can never get to understand. He watches as the crowd patiently waits for the subway, clearly nervous for absolutely no reason at all.
Yeah.
"There surely are a lot of people here, huh." The turquoise-haired man standing next to him as he looks at the map, clearly lost in terms of direction for this sudden trip. Seible just awkwardly coughs as he scratches his head, feeling hot for no reason at all, while Freo looks at Seible as if he was asking for help with the map. The brunet looks everywhere but the man beside him, nervously holding his sweaty palm for literally no reason at all.
Surely, yeah!!!
If there were no Freodore's presence beside him like this.
Apparently, he and Freo are on a date together somewhere else without the other two. Zeal and Kaelix have their own vacation trip to Japan, leaving Seible and Freo alone in the closed livehouse for a couple of days. The construction is occurring right in front of their livehouse, making it impossible to open the livehouse, so why would they not take this as an opportunity to go somewhere else for a small vacation?
The problem is that none of them plan for this, and it entirely comes from Seible's request that the said promoter soon regrets right away. But who could blame him? He didn't expect the designer to agree to this silly request right away?! And now here they are, all with stuff for a small picnic like a mat, some handmade sandwiches that they made earlier in the morning, and sunscreen for later exposure to the sunlight.
That's the first problem.
The second problem is that they are—quote unquote—on a "date".
Because honestly? They are not lovers…yet. Seible has known his love for the other always present and loud—a total opposite of Freo's calming, thoughtful care. If Seible's love was a wild love bomb, ready to explode at any time, then Freo's was the delicate flower ready to bloom in the right hand and at the right time.
Their love can be so different, and yet so…familiar at the same time.
It's been a game of push and pull between the two, keeping them waiting for the other to make some move instead of letting them be the first. Both of them are too scared of the rejection that never comes, thus that explains why there's always a boundary between them both—scared of the own love might be too overwhelming for the other. Don't blame them; they are both cowards when it comes to love, and now here they are—standing in the awkwardness that none of them knows how to fix.
How to break this tension between them both, without making it weird?
How to let it all out with certainty, instead of this restless, foolish play?
How to love, without making its existence too much to handle?
And so, none of them chooses to say anything at the haunting distance, the safe line existing between them both. Might as well pretend like nothing's been haunting them in the passing hours. And luckily for them, the subway soon arrives with the notification starting to ring, urging them to get it as soon as possible.
The crowd soon poured in, pulling Seible and Freo to hurriedly find seats for the two of them. Their eyes look everywhere in the subway, finally letting out a breath of satisfaction as they notice the sight of two remaining seats in the very corner, almost as if it were made for them. Freo and Seible move through the crowd as they make their way closer and closer to the place, feeling content with themselves as Freo sits down first and proudly pats the seat next to him.
Of course, Seible would sit there—he tried to! But the crowd keeps pushing and pushing him in his desperate attempt, and that pushes Seible to make the wrong mistake; he'd rather hide in the corner after this moment.
Because now?
He accidentally sits on Freo's lap, and he can't get up due to the rushing crowd.
His back is now against the other's chest, feeling every heartbeat beating faster and louder in his ears. Hell, his heart beats just as fast as Freo's, already knowing too well that the other can feel it too. He can feel every breath shallow behind his back, as Seible tries to get away but can't due to the narrow spaces. He mentally prays to himself as he now gives up, sitting there while hoping for them to arrive at their destination soon.
"Sorry, Furi-chan." He timidly says, feeling too embarrassed to look at the man sitting behind him. And yet, he can feel the other's breath near his neck, feeling his face getting hotter and hotter for literally no reason at all. It was just Furi-chan and his endless, hopeless love that played with his mind like this—Certainly. Absolutely. Theoretically.
But it isn't that bad.
Seible thinks to himself.
In fact, he lowkey likes this—sitting there in the other's embrace sure is fun, and somehow, his mind is telling him that Freo thinks just the same as his. It's a guilty pleasure, but why would he bother about it when the other seems not to mind it that much at all?
"Don't be, Swablu." In fact, Furi-chan seems way too calm about this, almost like Seible's weight on him doesn't bother him even the slightest bit…
…Or that's what Freo's been trying to tell himself. Because the truth? His mind is literally screaming in embarrassment at the sudden action coming from the brunet, so much so that it makes him freeze in his own spot. He can't say or ask anything, even when he's been wanting to. He genuinely wants to ask questions like:
Is Seible okay with sitting like this?
Does it bother him?
Can he hear the heartbeats?
Is everything too narrow for his own liking?
And yet, none of them is said out loud. It's all his mind, haunting him like an unreliable narrative for the heart that recalls too much for just a simple action like this.
His face—Well, he's been trying to mask it like he was doing fine. No pressure at all. Freo closes his eyes as he hopes for the time to please go faster, finally giving them some space to ignore this push-and-pull game they've been playing for the past few months. They sit there with Seible on Freo's lap, staying completely silent because none of them know how to make it less awkward.
Thus, they choose to mentally pray to themselves for them to arrive at their destination soon, so that they can break the tension lingering between the two of them.
.
.
.
.
.
Maybe God from above has heard their pleas and calls, and he decides to spare them from their internal suffering. Because luckily, they soon arrive at the destination, with the subway announcement ringing in their ears, signaling them of the arrival to their planned trip. Seible quickly stands up as he looks back at the man who is suffering just as much as him, noticing the reddish ears hidden behind turquoise locks of hair, but doesn't dare to say anything about it.
Instead, the brunet offers a hand to Freo, which the other quickly accepts as they walk through the crowd and make it out of the subway station. Their hands stay intertwined throughout the whole small trip, but none of them comment about it. Instead, it tightens—as they both find a certain liking to this action between them, leaving it be just like it's always supposed to be.
Freo looks at their intertwined hands and the man in front of him, feeling his heart beating faster and faster at the sight of them walking together out of the station hand-in-hand. He smiles at the softness lingering in their touches, the kind that warms up his heart and his face, but dare saying it out loud.
This is nice.
Very nice.
Seible seems to realize it too, as he was about to let go from embarrassment, though Freo's hand quickly tightens. Seible gasps as the other man turns around, looking at him with such a soft, sheepish smile, just like how their hands always meant to be there.
"Don't be, Sei. I'm fine."
In fact, he quite enjoys this.
The small walk, the intertwined hands, the brunet.
The time and the small trip they decide to spend together.
Freo thinks to himself as they continue with their little walk, and Seible nervously gulps and nods his head in response. They're now just walking hand-in-hand with each other in the crowd of people, towards the picnic place that they both planned with zero thoughts in mind.
Luckily for them both, the place isn't too far away. In fact, it only takes a five-minute walk to get there, and they have their stuff all packed up and ready.
The green field ahead is so beautiful, leaving them stunned in surprise due to its breathtaking scenery up front. The atmosphere here is peaceful, with not many people around and everyone is pretty much in their own zone.
They let their stuff down onto the green grass, taking their time slowly to capture this gorgeous moment and to hang out in this small picnic session of theirs. They slowly take out the mat and the food, carefully place them onto the grass, and enjoy this time with just the two of them. They talk about everything, just like how they usually do, loving this moment and this shared experience more than anything so far.
Seible takes small pictures of such a sight as vengeance, teasing that they would use this as ragebait later on, especially to Kaelix. Freo shakes his head in response to the other's silly antics, already being used to this coming from the brunet himself.
They enjoy this quite a lot more than they had expected.
That they should probably do this once in a while with just the two of them.
Being in a so-called date or whatever this is.
As long as they have fun, sharing these moments together.
.
.
.
.
.
Well.
That's the good news.
The bad news?
The rain suddenly appears out of nowhere, ruining what they have already planned so far ahead. They were just sitting by the grass, talking together about the upcoming plans ahead to tease their fans. And then suddenly, Seible feels a drop of water drop onto his head; then there comes the rushing rain that none of them are ready for just yet.
It just happens so abruptly with no warning about this, so of course they have no preparations for this. They quickly put the stuff into their bags as they run towards somewhere, trying to find a place where they can temporarily stay in for a while until the rain finally stops.
Luckily for them, there's an old shelter for them to hide in until the rain goes away. They rush in as soon as possible, close the door as it quiets down the rain noise pouring from the outside. Freo smiles as the brunet gently places a jacket on his shoulder, mumbling a small thank you at the small action coming from the other. "Thank you, Swablu."
What a gentleman.
Freo thinks to himself, finding himself enjoying this sight of the brunet more than anyone.
"Anytime, Furi-chan," Seible fondly looks at the other before parting his way to find things they can use to warm up themselves. He glances around in the shadows with a dim flashlight from his phone, fortunate enough to find an abandoned fireplace with some coal left.
He quickly comes back to Freo's standing place and holds the other's hand, gently guiding the other to the fireplace to proudly show what he just found. Freo just giggles at the other's silly antics despite the situation and despite the rain still pouring outside right now. "You're way too happy for someone who just got caught by the rain, Seible. You're shaking right now."
Freo scolds the brunet as he wraps the jacket around Seible by the shoulder, for caring about him but not the brunet himself. Seible just smiles as he shakes his head, clearly in denial at such an offer, but soon falls silent in front of the other's death stare. He looks at himself, and yes, he is shaking from the cold as they sit by the empty fireplace, which clearly hasn't been used in ages.
But they can't just stay covered with their clothes wet like this, both of them would catch a cold later on.
"Even with the coal, we might get sick, Furi-chan." Seible timidly confesses and Freo agrees, sighing to himself at their ridiculous yet unexpected state. What should they even do to keep themselves warm and hopefully not catch any cold?
They both have Zeal's birthday to attend at their livehouse, and they just cannot risk it. They want to be there to help Zeal out with his birthday party, let alone being the ones hosting and welcoming guests. They cannot be the ones not being there just because of what is happening today, knowing how much the birthday party mattered to the ravenette.
"What if we use the mat we were lying down on the grass earlier?"
Seible suggested, though that idea was quickly turned down by both of them because it had already gotten wet by the rain earlier.
Even when they were quick with their hands and actions, that does not mean that the mat wasn't affected by the sudden rain coming from nowhere. Especially when they had already checked the news beforehand, and it's still raining outside right now.
Seible sighs to himself as he's deep in thought while his hand gently placing the coals into the fireplace as their very last desperate attempt to keep them warm in this cold and brutal weather. Freo sighs also as he searches for the lighter in their bag, hoping for it there out of precise preparation.
"Wait—Swablu!"
"Huh? What is it, Furi-chan?"
The brunet turns around at the other's call, clearly in confusion. But then he sees what the other holds and his ocean eyes get sparked up almost immediately. "Oh my god!"
A lighter and…
A blanket.
Surprisingly, like some kind of magic, there's a blanket that they have prepared but they didn't remember anything about it. Apparently, it's the blanket Freo brought with him just in case windy situations happened and one of them felt cold. Freo coughs as he looks at the blanket in his hands; his face gets flushed a little.
But well.
"Oh my god, you're my savior, Furi-chan! We're saved!"
The other is too happy with the sudden appearance of the blanket that he forgets about asking the question of why Freo had the blanket with him for no reason at all. He happily exclaims as he takes the lighter and some chopped-up old wood and lights up the fireplace. He pulls Freo in a hug as his way to show his happiness, which the other unknowingly melts in such an embrace.
Though his mind is still stuck on telling the truth of the said appearance.
"Well—"
How is he supposed to say this?
Should he just—fuck it and just tell it?
Maybe…yes?
Or no?
Maybe…
.
.
.
.
.
"Furi-chan…?"
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe he should do that.
"I brought this with me because I thought you might get cold from the wind and you might need it. Just…I brought it with me just in case, because that's what the weather forecast was telling me about the windy weather."
"Oh."
Oh.
Oh.
Seible scratches his head as he nervously laughs, feeling his face heat up by the care and such preparation coming from the other. For years, no one has ever shown that much care for the brunet himself. He has always been the one reaching out and caring for the other instead, always him falling in love and head over heels for it. Therefore, this is the very first time he gets pampered by such gentle care, not the type to overwhelm him but the type to stay by his side in the smallest details ever.
It's sweet.
Ridiculously sweet for one who has a love that big.
"Thank you…Furi-chan."
For caring that much, for noticing even the tiniest things, for being as thoughtful as he is.
Freo just smiles as he shakes his head, pulling the brunet in as their shoulders touch and their faces are an inch away from each other. He gently tugs the blanket around them both, patting the brunet's back calmly as he looks at the fireplace up front. Seible watches as their bodies touch under the blanket, with Freo's head resting on his shoulder as they sit side-by-side near the fireplace.
The comfort embraces them both, and both of them know they've been enjoying this so far. Even when the silence falling between them is considered to be awkward and no one dares to say anything, their body still feels like they're in the exact place they always want to be.
But then.
"Aha!"
Seible has an idea as he gets up, catching the other off guard by the sudden movement.
Freo can only look in confusion as the other searches for something, mumbling to himself about this whether being the right or wrong thing he's looking for.
Only until Seible pulls out a pack of marshmallows and some sticks quickly rinsed with water does Freo realize what the other wants.
Freo bursts out laughing, which clearly Seible doesn't expect to laugh that hard at his silly antics either. He's stunned as he watches Freo clutching his stomach as he laughs, and somehow that makes Seible laugh also as he joins Freo. They're now laughing under the blankets, a complete mess but in much contrast with the never-ending rain outside.
They quickly sew the marshmallows onto the sticks as they put them by the fire, watching as they sit there by the fireplace. They lean their head onto each other as they sit by the fire, enjoying their time being here more than anyone. They take the marshmallow sticks as they eat them, listening to the rain pouring outside and talking to themselves about the plan for Zeal's birthday tomorrow.
.
.
.
.
.
"You know, Furi-chan…"
"Hm?"
Freo looks at the man lying his head on top of his shoulder with his ocean eyes staying shut, clearly dozing off at any moment.
Luckily for them, they can just stay here until the rain is over, and they have already informed the other two about this, giving them all the time for themselves under this poor weather. Actually, despite the weather, they have been enjoying this trip so far, all with good memories and feelings they can't quite name just yet.
Being together.
Being just themselves and enjoying this small trip.
"This picnic date is still ideal to me. I like it very much."
Seible confesses with his eyes still closed but his mouth tugs up, clearly in happiness and pleased with where he is right now. He instinctively scooches over closer to Freo, and the latter just lets him be. His hand gently touches Seible's lock of hair, enjoying this comfort anchoring them both in the dim shelter.
"Me too, Swablu."
And he's glad both of them are enjoying this trip so far.
It's just that—
Freo glances over to the one falling asleep beside him, laying his head on his shoulder as the brown locks of hair brush through his face. He fondly sighs at the endearing sight, not knowing what to say as he looks at the rain pouring still harshly from the outside by the window, watching as the rain drowns his thoughts.
He doesn't know what to do with this feeling.
With this sensation still beating hard for the man sitting next to him and embraced by the blanket like this.
He doesn't know how to express love when love itself is so visible yet so difficult to confess.
Freo has never once been the one taking the initiative, and now this is him with his hopeless love for the dear promoter.
His heart has never once known how to rest with the sight of the dear brunet, knowing how much the other has mattered to him before his heart even realizing itself. But what can he do to express this out without making it weird for them both? He does, in fact, is afraid of messing things up.
Even when he knows both of them have feelings for each other.
Way too noticeable, even.
What can he do to save himself out of this love?
Freo can't figure it out just yet, and he doesn't know if he can make the first move. He knows he can't play this game any longer, knowing how much both of them matter to each other and how long they have been playing this game of push and pull.
He just needs to figure out the right time for it.
Soon enough.
______
Then, there comes Zeal's birthday party, which is one day after that. Everyone is just having fun hanging out together at the livehouse, where the party is held for the night. They talk together and hang out by Zeal's bar counter, talking to him about silly things but clearly they are enjoying it right now.
Well, the party is fun.
But then when Seible joins in a bit later than usual, Freo notices something is off with how the brunet acts. He's been sitting in silence more often, which he usually does in a group with lots of people, but this time he's much more silent and tired that it shows on his face a little bit. Freo notices how he sits far away from everyone, then sniffs to himself and catches sight of the brunet dozing off while listening to them chatting.
He probably caught the cold from yesterday's rainy picnic date. After all, that date is being kept as a small secret between them two, that no one ever knows of, never has and never will. Probably that's why Seible chooses to sit all by himself in the very corner, not wanting to disturb everyone with his sickness or make them worried about it. The sight is endearing, but he cannot forget on the matter ahead as Freo shakes his head, clearly unpleased with the brunet's actions.
Silly him.
Of course, Freo would be worried about him.
Freo sighs to himself as he walks towards where the brunet is sitting, holding out his jacket as he wraps it around Seible to his own surprise. The other stirs open from his sleep, mumbling something incoherent at the sudden warmth wrapped around him. He smiles at the sight of the other's jacket wrapped around him like a soothing presence, then at the sight of the man now standing in front of him. "Furi-chan…"
The turquoise-haired man just stands there, smiling to himself at such cuteness coming from the brunet himself. He tugs a brown strand of hair behind Seible's ear, slowly placing his hand onto Seible's shoulder as he gently wakes Seible up. Seible tries his best to wake himself up, well he really does. He doesn't want to worry everyone's looking at their way and wondering what's up, especially when their yesterday's trip isn't something known publicly just yet.
"Swablu, I'm here. Let's go home, okay?" The other man calmly says as he reaches his hand towards the brunet, offering a hand to guide him downstairs.
In which Seible silently nods, agreeing to such an offer right away.
How could he not when he notices the worried look painted on the other's sunset eyes?
Besides, it seems like he has something to say to him, and how could Seible deny that?
He holds his hand out for Freo as their hands intertwine, guiding both of them through the crowd of people before reaching Zeal's place. They quickly excuse themselves out, with Seible having to go right now and with Freo seeing him out to the door. Their hands remain there unchanged throughout the whole talk, only tightening when they're now finally standing outside of the livehouse.
For now, they're just waiting for the Uber to come, meaning that they still have a little bit of time left to themselves to talk it out right now. They are now just hand-in-hand, waiting under the streetlight as their livehouse is still live with the music. The wind tonight just suddenly feels a lot colder as Seible pulls Freo's jacket much closer to him, feeling the breezy air brushing through his skin as he shivers.
"Why don't we have a small dance here?" Seible suggests, his hand holding onto Freo's tighter and Freo's jacket draping loose over his shoulder right now. He grins as his ocean eyes meet Freo's sunset eyes, all bustling with emotions that left Freo all in awe and speechless. Freo just stands there, bewildered as he watches Seible pulling him into a small dance, all unrhythmic and messy to the music played inside the livehouse.
The brunet just smiles widely as his laughter fills in the silence lingering between them two, at least helping Freo to hide away his now loudly beating heartbeat in every little dance that they share. His sunset eyes have never once left the sight of the promoter in front of him, clearly lost in daze as he lets Seible lead him to do whatever. Freo is just trying his very best not to look like a total mess right now, knowing fully well how his face gets flushed and his ears get reddened, too much that he can hear his own heartbeat also.
He knows he can't ignore this any longer.
He can't.
Knowing how much his heart is beating so fast right now, and how much he's been thinking about this for way too long.
He can't wait any longer.
He has to do something.
The dance soon comes to an end as they pull apart from the small little dance. They just stand there, as Seible sleepily looks at the other's silence, not knowing what to do other than wait for the Uber to arrive. Their distance is only an inch away, yet none of them knows what to do to narrow that distance down without ruining it. Their hands are still holding, yet their heart and minds are going different ways, not knowing how to take the very first step to get out of this game of push and pull.
"Furi-chan—I"
Seible timidly says as his hand tightens the hold, almost as if he couldn't let Freo go at this moment.
He wants to say something, anything for his reckless heart and the ocean eyes that always look after the sight of the designer's silhouette.
.
.
.
.
.
*Beep!*
"Are you the one calling for Uber?" The Uber arrives right on time, or maybe the very worst time possible. Seible lets go as he takes a step forward, looking back as he smiles bitterly. The distance now becomes more visible between them.
His face looks...painful, almost making Freo's heart shatter just by the sight of it. The smile doesn't quite reach him either, and both of them know that too.
"Thank you for being here for me, Furi-chan."
And Freo knows he can't just stand here.
He needs to do something. He can't just let everything go like this. He can't just let everything come back to where it should be, or let this awkwardness linger between them any longer.
He has to do something.
Right now, or never.
.
.
.
.
.
And then, it happens.
Out of pure instinct and boldness that Freo doesn't know he has in him.
"Wait, Seible."
The brunet quickly turns back at the sudden call, clearly confused by such urgency existing in the other's voice.
And well.
There's no way in hell he would have ever expected to receive a quick peck on his cheek, let alone the designer actively doing it. He stands still with his eyes wide open and his mouth agape, clearly not expecting this to happen to him. His hand almost reaches towards the designer instinctively, almost trying to pull the other back but soon realizes the current situation they are in right now. The kiss is just fast, genuinely really fast, that none of them expect it to happen just like that.
Of course, Freo doesn't expect himself to do that either.
"Just go home safely and rest well, I'll see you tomorrow."
He quickly walks away, leaving the other standing stunned and speechless as he clumsily gets on the Uber, trying his very desperate attempt not to hit his face on the floor. Seible groans as he entirely covers his face with his palms, clearly still hasn't fully digested what just happened just yet.
Though he receives the signals that he's been waiting to hear, to know.
And it feels just right.
It feels like a place where he truly belongs, and it makes Seible cannot stop himself but feeling more than happy.
"God, you are evil, Furi-chan."
And Seible feels like he has the whole world in his hands, hiding behind his small giggles of such love.
_____
Freo opens the door as he walks back into the party, looking at the bouncer waving for him to come forward. He takes a look as Freo sighs, raising his eyebrow, clearly noticing something that Freo certainly doesn't feel right about. "What was going on over there? You guys took a while."
Freo stares at the other man as he sighs, already noticing that knowing giggle coming from the other. He excuses himself as the Uber is taking a while, though Kaelix seemingly knows something as he just nods. Kaelix knows, how could he not when he notices the missing jacket that was just here earlier? Yet again, he doesn't want to be pushy about it as he just lets Freo go. And of course, Freo takes that as his cue as he comes back to his seat, quietly closing his eyes and trying to process what just happened.
He knows his face must have looked weird right now, especially when it's all red for no reason at all but everyone seems to focus on the birthday man right now, luckily. That doesn't mean he's free from it just yet, not when he still doesn't know if the other has understood the signals he's been giving or not.
He has to, right…?
There's no way Seible doesn't realize that.
Especially when Freo's the one taking the initiative himself, taking care and showering the other with love in the most unexpected way as possible.
.
.
.
.
.
*DING!*
The noise from his phone catches him off guard as Freo stares at it, seeing the name pop up does worry him a little. He looks at the screen at the notification as his heart beats fast, not knowing whether or not he should check the messages right now.
But how could he not?
He needs to know it really badly.
And so, Freo takes a long breath to himself as he opens his phone. He looks at the chat as he hesitantly opens it up, though he soon gently smiles as he knows whose that coming from. He quickly replies, already knowing the answer he's been wishing for.
The wait that he's been holding off for way too long, now having someone to answer to it all with love and care.
The kind of love that finally receives the warmth it always wanted.
Limerence of love, warmth, and care.
The love of one that loves so much, and one loves just the same.
_____
Swablu :D – [ 11:30 PM]
See you tomorrow, Furi-chan! :D
[11:30 PM] – Furi-chan :<
<3
_____