Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

After years by his side, Cliff Marlow knew that his captain and best friend Ilya Rozanov was an eccentric individual. Nothing should shock him when it came to his friend. Except, they had just won against Montreal in a home game and his captain wasn’t up to go out with the rest of the team. Usually, he never refused going out during the pre season, hell he was the one encouraging it. He liked to say that it was a “team building” activity to ensure that the season would start on a good basis.

It wasn’t the first time the Boston captain had displayed such strange behaviour since the team had gotten back on the ice.

Marlow knew how his friend was when it came to talking about Russia which is why he only asked vague questions here and there when he felt like Ilya’s mood was more optimal. Most of the time, he was able to get a couple of stories about how many clubs he had been to or how many girls were lucky enough to have a taste of the “once in a lifetime limited edition of the best hockey player’s dick”. (Rozanov’s words, not his). Marlow was content enough with that.

But this time, when he had asked how his summer break went, Ilya didn’t give him anything. Not a single detail about his many conquests, no comments about how happy he had been to finally have access to some real vodka, nothing that could even be a proof that he had stepped a foot in his motherland. Ilya had said a simple “It was good.” and turned around immediately to look for something in his bag. Marlow had spent 2 minutes looking at his friend shuffling in his duffel bag when he realised that he was just pushing around a bunch of items and wasn’t actually looking for something precise. From where he was, Marlow couldn’t see the entirety of his captain’s face but he could still make up the slight red painting his cheeks. He decided to not push for more at the time. His captain’s father had just died that year so maybe talking about anything Russia related was too much too soon. But now staring at his text conversation with his captain Marlow decided that it was maybe time to do something about it.

On the way to his captain’s house, Marlow’s brain went into every situation possible that could explain his friend’s change. During his drive, he tried to put together the different pieces of information he had about Ilya. He thought back on the way Ilya had been spending way more time on his phone texting and taking very cryptic phone calls at the most random moments. Maybe his brother was still bothering him, maybe there was still some unfinished father related business in Russia or maybe he had finally gotten someone pregnant and now had to deal with it in secret.  

His speculations had kept him company during the whole journey and were now making their way into his captain’s house. Marlow had fully convinced himself that he was going to find his friend wallowing in his sorrow about some huge Russian problem he was trying to handle on his own. He was already thinking about how he would have to be very patient with Ilya. He wasn’t someone who opened up easily but Marlow was going to wait as long as it would take to help him fix whatever he had going on. 

The only thing keeping the house from being fully in the dark were some dimmed lights turned on in the living room. Marlow marched directly through the room, already expecting to see his friend since it was the only area with a source of light. When he realised the place was empty, he continued his search toward the kitchen. Since he had no luck there either, he extended his exploration in his friend’s home gym, sauna, garage and even went into his backyard. There was no way Ilya Rozanov was actually in bed at 9pm on a friday night. 

Finally, Marlow walked toward the hallway in the direction of his friend’s main bedroom. He stopped in front of the closed door, putting his ear against it trying to make up any sound of his captain’s snores. If he actually woke him up just because of some conspiracy he had built in his mind, his friend might actually kill him and there were still a few things he had to experience. There was no snores but he still heard some whispers and the pained voice of his captain apologising to someone. It wasn’t something Marlow was used to hearing, which probably explains why his body reacted before his brain could. 

He pushed open the bedroom door and realised that, in retrospect, this wasn’t his most brilliant idea. The whole coming unannounced because he was sure Ilya was hiding something was a terrible idea. He could’ve asked him out for lunch or drinks and slowly pushed to get more information on what was going on in his friend’s life. But to be totally honest, he hadn’t thought that far ahead on what he was actually going to do if he really walked into something he couldn’t even have thought about in a million years. 

He wished he had because now he was frozen in place in his best friend’s bedroom trying really hard to make his body move or to at least make his brain work again to process what he was seeing. 

Now, when you’re a hockey player in Boston you actually walk into so many weird situations that it becomes your new normal. 

Marlow thinks back of the time he walked into practice hangover and had to see rookies arguing while measuring their dicks with water bottles at 8 in the fucking morning in the locker room. Or  the time he walked into some club’s bathroom and had to witness a very drunk Connors crying with his pants around his ankle because he couldn’t find an empty stall. He thought back on the time in his rookie year when he walked back in his hotel room and had to see one of the veterans tied to a bed wearing a bear costume while two girls were making out in front of him. 

All of this to say : he had seen a lot of things. He genuinely thought that at 33 years old there was nothing that could catch him off guard anymore. 

But here he was, 9pm on a Friday in Ilya Rozanov’s house, staring at his best friend kneeling on the ground giggling with blood all over his face holding onto Shane fucking Hollander’s thigh. Shane fucking Hollander who was sitting beside him holding his own head like it was going to escape from the rest of his body at any moment. Also, they were both completely naked.

Marlow didn’t move for what felt like an eternity. He doesn’t think he would’ve moved by himself if he didn’t hear a “What the fuck!” mixed with what was probably a russian swear and followed immediately by a pillow thrown in his face. It was, apparently, what his brain needed to reboot itself. 

He regained consciousness he didn’t know he had lost, his eyes opened wide and refocusing on the two bodies on the floor. His mind seemed to have blurred them out for a second. He picked up the pillow that had landed at his feet after hitting his face, took a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and marched backward toward the door. When he ended up in the hallway, he reached for the door again, passed his head back in the room without staring at any of the two persons in it and started rambling an apology before closing the door with a softness he never thought he was capable of. 

He stared at the closed door for a moment and finally moved back toward the living room still holding the pillow. 

Marlow didn’t know what to do. He wasn't even sure he knew what he had just seen. He hadn’t realized that he was now pacing in circles in his friend’s living room. Should he leave? Probably. I mean, who would stay in a house with two naked men who were clearly…busy with each other. 

But wait, were they busy? He tried to force his brain to focus for a moment and looked back at what he had just witnessed a couple seconds ago. Or maybe it was minutes or hours ago. Who knows anymore.

It came in fragments: “Roz. Hollander. Shane Hollander. Naked. Fully naked on the floor. Naked Shane fucking Hollander. Blood.”

Fucking hell. There was blood on Ilya’s face and he had just what ? Closed the door and apologized ? He tried very hard to force his brain to reset and form some thoughts but nothing was in his head. Actually there was one single thought circling around his mind. It was, for some reason, his captain’s voice saying “Have all those concussions finally caught up to you Marlow?”. 

Actually, that was a great thought his brain had supplied him because maybe it was because of a concussion. He tried to think about the game they just had but he hadn’t been checked that hard so it couldn’t be that. Maybe he was suffering some weird long term disease that gave you hallucinations after a while. Hallucinations of your best friend naked with the guy he hates the most in the league. Yeah. It could be that. That was the only explanation because he wasn’t even drunk to imagine something like that.

Hallucinations or not he couldn’t look past the image of his friend with blood on his face. He had already seen it multiple times obviously, but it’s one thing to see it on the ice, it’s another to see it in his own house. 

He sobered up quickly and seemed to finally shake himself out of this weird slumber he had been in and walked back to the hallway leading to Ilya’s room. The moment he put his hand on the knob the door opened and he ended up face to face with his best friend. 

They stared at each other for a moment, before Marlow broke the silence. “What the fuck happened to your face man?”

Ilya looked shocked and Marlow didn’t know if it was because of his sentence or the fact that he was standing in front of him. Marlow was still scanning his friend’s face and hadn’t realized that the pair of eyes looking at him incredulously had doubled. 

“You see me and Shane Hollander naked and you ask about my face?” Ilya said in a mix of disbelief and some slight amusement.

“I mean you don’t look too good right now.” Marlow was trying to understand why his worries were so amusing but again he realized that there were still a lot of things he didn’t understand with Ilya Rozanov. 

All three men stood awkwardly trying really hard to not stare at each other. Marlow, in an attempt to fix his gaze on the wall behind the two men in front of him, landed his eyes on Hollander. He looked way smaller and less confident than he did on the ice right now. 

When their eyes met, the man flinched and immediately took a step further back in the room. At the same time, his friend took a step forward and angled his body in front of the man behind him. It happened so fast that Marlow thought that it had to be an automatic body response rather than a conscious choice. 

The atmosphere may have been awkward before but it was now so tense that you’d probably have some trouble cutting through it even with the sharpest knife you could find. Marlow tried to find in his memory a time where he had seen the look he was now witnessing on his captain’s face. No matter how hard he searched, he was pretty sure the Russian had never looked this murderous in the almost decade he had known him. 

He didn’t know what had changed in a couple of seconds but out of instinct to ensure his survival, that he hadn’t realized was being threatened, he also took a step back and raised his hands in a surrounding position. 

“Look man, I'm not a threat or anything. My brain can’t fully function right now so you’re gonna have to give me a minute here.” Marlow exhaled, slowly bringing his arms down “And maybe a drink.” He said with a soft laugh he wished would help ease the tension. 

His friend was still looking at him a little warily but he looked less like he was going to kill him so Marlow decided to take this as a win. 

“Maybe we should sit down and talk.” Both Boston players snapped their attention to follow the sound of the man still standing in the room. 

Ilya raised his hand in an attempt to scrub it on his face. He winced when his palm came in contact with his nose and took a deep controlled breath. 

“Yes. Okay. Let’s sit.” He said, turning his gaze briefly back to Marlow before walking back into the room to take Hollander’s hand. 

Marlow scooted to the side to let the two men inside pass through. His captain was leading the way, his fingers interlaced with Hollander’s who was walking with his head down. He followed, keeping a safe distance between them. 

He had joked about that drink but now that he had thought about it he could really use one which was why he was relieved when his steps were leading him toward the kitchen and not the living room. 

In the kitchen, Marlow sat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen island, figuring it would be better if he was in plain sight instead of standing and hovering without knowing what to do with himself.

His captain was attempting to do what looked like too many things at once with very limited movement since he refused to let go of the other man’s hand. Marlow wanted to get up and help but quickly gave up on that idea when he thought back on the way the Canadian had frozen when he had just looked at him earlier. He couldn’t imagine what his reaction would be if he suddenly got up and walked over to him. 

Finally, a glass was put in front of him, Ilya had let go of Hollander’s hand to open the bottle and pour a far too generous amount of vodka in the glass. His hand settled around the Canadian's waist as soon as he was done. 

Marlow lifted his head to give a quick thank you but couldn’t get any words out of his mouth when he realized the two men weren’t looking in his direction. They both looked like they were having a very intense conversation that was spoken exclusively through their eyes.

“So…” Marlow said after taking a small sip of his drink.

Both men looked at him. He didn’t like the mix of fear and exhaustion he was seeing on their faces. What he hated even more was the fact that he was probably the one responsible for putting it there. 

“I actually don’t know what to say, I just couldn’t bear the silence. Sorry.” He said ducking his head a little bit embarrassed.

Ilya chuckled a little which helped Marlow relax a bit. 

“How did you get in?” It was the first time Hollander had addressed him directly. He tried to conceal his shock because this 6ft 210lb man looked like a small kitten that was minutes away from bolting out of the door.

“Spare key” he said, speaking in a volume that was way lower than the one he was used to.

He nodded in acknowledgement and looked back at Ilya who was holding onto his waist like his life depended on it. 

“You said it was for emergency only. I knew I shouldn’t have given it to you.” his captain said, rolling his eyes with a sigh.

Marlow remembers how he had to annoy his fiend into giving him a spare key. He kept arguing that he had already given it to someone, Svetlana, which had Marlow point out that giving your only spare to someone who was in Russia for half of their time wasn’t as efficient as he thought. After a ridiculous amount of time preaching for the fact that it was necessary for safety reasons, Marlow ended up getting a key to Ilya’s house (it was followed closely by a threat to use it lightly if he didn’t want to lose his life).

The conversation was less tense than Marlow had imagined it would be. Hollander had talked to him, he made Ilya laugh and now he looked more annoyed by his antics than anything else. Marlow took another sip and felt a little bit braver. 

“He said that he was going to bed early on a Friday night. I got worried.” he said jokingly, ignoring his friend’s annoyed look to speak directly to the Canadian.

Ilya scoffed and a small, but very real, smile was slowly forming at the corner of Hollander’s lips. Small victories.

“I’m nailing this” Marlow thought and mentally high fived himself for his ability to always bring the mood up no matter what. He kept talking, finally feeling like he was on the right track.

“Then I got here and you two were naked and covered in blood so I guess I got the right feeling.” He tried for a laugh that died quickly when he looked back up to see that the two men had tensed up.

“I’m NOT nailing this at all.” He was now back to panicking. How the hell was he supposed to know what to do in this situation? 

“You know how we always tell people to not speak when they don’t know what to say? I can guarantee that it doesn’t apply to you. In doubt, just never stop talking. It’s weirdly soothing and somehow in the middle of it you always find a way to make a few good points."

His sister Kate had told him this a few years ago when he tried to comfort her after her first heartbreak. He remembers how hopeless he felt when she kept crying after he had tried everything to make her stop. In the end, he just started talking nonstop about bigger fishes in the sea, boys being stupid, he remembers making a comparison on how relationships were like a game of hockey in the middle of his rant which, somehow, helped her calm down.

He was way in over his head here so he just decided to go for it. He couldn’t do more damage than there already was.

“Look, you two clearly have something going on and I’m not judging at all. I mean a little. Didn’t know you were into blood Roz but hey everyone has their quirk I guess. Or kink. I don’t know. I don’t care, I got weird things going too in this area so who am I to judge right ?” he chuckled “I just wanted to check on Roz, I didn’t mean to…interrupt. I won’t tell anyone obviously except if you guys want to tell people then yeah I don’t have to worry about keeping it a secret. But also Hollander looks like he’s about to faint so I don’t think you’re in a hurry to tell people. By the way, maybe you should sit down Hollander. And Roz you might want to wipe your face it’s still-“

Marlow was interrupted by a soft groan and the movement of Ilya tightening his grip on Shane’s waist to keep Shane on his legs. 

“ Ты в порядке ? [Are you okay/alright?] ” Ilya said while leading Shane around the kitchen island to sit in one of the barstools. 

“Shit I’m sorry is it-“ Marlow started apologetically.

“Shut your mouth for a moment Marlow.” Ilya said, but there was no real heat behind the words. It genuinely sounded like he needed the quiet to focus on something really important.

Ilya positioned Hollander on a stool and walked toward the freezer where he took an ice pack. His captain ignored the Canadian’s hand who tried to reach for it and held it on the back of his head himself.

Marlow was quietly looking at the movements his friend was making. Ilya was handling this man with so much care and softness that he almost got teary eyed. His captain was patting the top of Hollander’s head softly, dropping small kisses and whispering things so low that he couldn’t even make up the language in which they were said. 

“Wow…” Marlow said, putting his hand on his lips immediately after the word left his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. “Sorry” he continued when the two men were looking at him. “It’s just that I’ve never seen Roz like that. You guys look like a couple.” He chuckled awkwardly, flexing his hand around his glass.

“It’s because we are.” Shane deadpanned. 

Honestly he couldn’t see himself but he could’ve sworn that the bewildered look on his face was nothing compared to the one plastered across his best friend’s face at the moment.

Marlow stared at both of them for a few seconds then took another sip of his drink.

“Okay. Cool.” he said, nodding his head. It finally explained the naked part. 

“Cool?” They both said in unison looking at him in disbelief.

“Yeah, love is cool man. I’m not going to say that I’m not shocked. I mean I didn’t picture Roz to be the relationship type.” He shrugged “but again I didn’t expect him to have Shane Hollander in his house on a Friday night so I guess I don’t know much about anything anyways.” 

The room became silent and Marlow didn’t know how much more he could take if what he had just said had set something off in the two men again. He was pretty sure he hadn’t said anything bad but again he could barely trust his brain since he had stepped a foot in his best friend’s house.

Marlow’s inner panicking was interrupted by a loud laugh. It was now Hollander’s turn to look completely shocked. Marlow was more relieved than anything, if his “Rozanov emotes” book was still up to date the laugh he was hearing was genuine and judging by the way his friend was doubling over against the kitchen island trying to catch his breath, he didn’t say anything that was too bad. He didn't know what he had said that was so funny though.

His captain strengthened up and made eye contact with the beyond confused man sitting on the stool closest to him.

“I’m sorry моя любовь [My love] but It’s such a Marlow reaction” Ilya said with a smirk.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Marlow said, a little too familiar with the way the smile on his best friend’s face usually indicated that he was making fun of him.

“It means you’re an idiot.” he said with a shrug. 

“Yeah, well excuse me for not having a better reaction. You didn’t really give me a heads up here.” Marlow said, crossing his arms against his chest.

“It’s a way better reaction than I expected.” Shane muttered mostly to himself. 

Ilya was smirking at him and looked seconds away from laughing again directly in his face. Marlow preferred that, rather than whatever he had to go through for the past few minutes where he was sure, for some reason, that he was going to lose his friend right here and there.

Ilya looked over to Hollander and his smile immediately left his lips. He put his hand to the back of the Canadian's neck before settling his gaze back on Marlow.

“Listen. I’m going to talk and you’re just going to listen and not interrupt. If you have questions, wait until I’m done okay ?” Ilya said with a tone so close to his captain’s voice that Marlow didn’t even try to argue with that.

“Okay. Shane and I, we are together.” Ilya started 

Marlow blinked at the softness and usage of Hollander’s first name. How long have they been together ? How long have they actually known each other? And what about the so-called rivalry ? Maybe his captain was psychic because he didn’t even need to wait until the end to have answers for his questions.

“We have been official for three months now but we have been….involved for longer than that. We knew each other before you and I met.” Marlow opened his mouth to ask but was immediately shot down “Yes before rookie year. I said "do not interrupt.” Ilya said with a sigh. 

“What else is there to say ? Da. Rivalry is fake. It has always been fake. We’ve been hooking up for years and nobody knows. And we would’ve kept it that way if you were able to call before coming to someone’s house without an invite.” his friend said, glaring at him. “So you’re the only one who knows. And we need to keep it that way, do you understand me ?”

Marlow liked to think that he had stayed pretty level headed when you considered the situation he had walked into. But now ? He was fully freaking out. 

That was a lot. Ilya was talking about years of hiding, years of sneaking around and they had only been dating for three months ? How was it even possible ? He was doing everything he could to piece back every single time he had mentioned Hollander to his friend and how he had reacted to it. He thought back on every single game they had played against Montreal, every time he had seen his captain answer questions about his opponent with a smirk. 

Marlow looked at both of them and they suddenly looked so much younger than they actually were. “Before rookie year” That was almost ten years ago and they were kids at the time. Kids that the league had pitted against each other for years when they were actually...involved. It was so wrong, all of this was so fucking wrong.

Marlow was fully spiraling now. He thought back on the first time he had met Ilya. He remembers seeing this kid who was painted as the next big thing who looked like the biggest asshole there was. But beneath the surface, he looked so terrified and was working so hard to hide it that Marlow immediately wanted to do something about it. He thought about how he practically leached himself on this kid who barely knew English and acted more like a grumpy teenager around him than the menace everyone was trying, for some reasons, to portray him as. He showed him around Boston. Shared his favorite bars, clubs and bakeries because he secretly had the sweetest tooth imaginable, something the Russian had immediately made fun of him for. 

Marlow had practically seen him grow into the man he was today. Hell, he kind of basically raised him into who he was today. He had seen so many of his smiles, witnessed his craziest fits of laughter, his ugliest fights on the ice, he was there when his coach announced that he was the next captain of the Bears. They had gone through everything together and Marlow thought that he had been there for the most important parts of his life and now he had to add a new variable to everything they had experienced together.

“Hey Marly. Marlow!” Ilya said, moving his hand in front of Marlow’s face.

“Sorry. What ?” He didn’t know how long he had been stuck in his mind replaying sequences of his memories with Ilya.  

“Are you okay ?” Hollander asked him.

Why was Shane Hollander asking him if he was okay when it should be the other way around ? He was emotional due to his quick trip down memory lane and on top of that he was now feeling so protective over a guy he had barely exchanged 10 words with over the years. 

Marlow didn’t want to think too much about how warily Hollander was looking at him. He couldn’t, because if he formed the thought that Hollander was scared of him, of his reaction and of what he could possibly do with all of those informations, he was probably going to fall on his knees and cry until he passed out. 

Their whole situation was so sad he didn’t know what to do. He wanted to cry. He wanted to hug Hollander. Hug his friend. He really wanted to think of some ways to destroy the NHL for what they did to those kids but he couldn’t keep letting his mind wander. This whole thing wasn’t about him but with the amount of time he had spent freaking out it kind of started to feel like it and he couldn’t have that. 

“I’m good. I just needed a minute.” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and shook his head in an attempt to put his mind back in place. “I won’t tell anyone. I mean it. I would rather take 42 pucks to the head with no helmet on than tell anyone about you two.”

“Seems pretty dramatic.” Ilya muttered

“Shut up. Look I understand that there’s so much shitty stuff that could happen to you two if this got out and I don’t want that. For either of you.” He looked at Ilya and smiled “I’m not going to look at you any differently either.” He turned his gaze to Hollander and added “I mean you maybe. I never saw you naked before and honestly ? Holy shit.”he punctuated with a whistle

“I will kill you right here and right now Marlow.” Ilya said glaring at his friend

Marlow waved his hand dismissively in Ilya’s direction without paying him too much attention and locked eyes with Hollander “Anyways. Every friend of Roz is my friend. I mean you’re not really his friend but still. You can count on me.” he said with a smile he hoped was reassuring.

Hollander blew out a deep breath and Marlow got to see in real time his whole body relax.  

“Thank you.” Hollander said.

“No worries.” he nodded “I just have like one question if that’s okay ?”

Shane and Ilya looked at each other and both shrugged at the same time.

“Shoot.” Shane said.

“Hollander, what the hell happened to your head?”  Marlow didn’t know much about sex between two guys but he was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to end with someone looking like that. 

Maybe today was a very strange day where Marlow had found himself in some sort of modern edition of the Twilight Zone where no matter what he did or said it was always going to result in the craziest outcome possible. If so, he wished he had known earlier because maybe he could've avoided the very clumsy retelling of the most ridiculous sex injury he could’ve thought about. 

His captain had, apparently, been too excited when Hollander was giving him a blow job and pushed him off his dick a little too fast and too hard which resulted in him slamming the back of his head against the wall. His friend, in his panic, was so worried that he dropped to his knees and hovered over the back of the Canadian’s head. When Hollander lifted his head, it crashed directly into Ilya’s nose which started bleeding. 

Marlow had to use every single bit of willpower to not laugh. Both men looked extremely embarrassed and were barely looking at each other. He really wanted to laugh, maybe there wasn’t going to be another occasion to really make fun of Ilya Rozanov but when he looked at Hollander’s face he realised that he still looked way too pale which kind of erased the comical aspect of this whole situation.

“Both of you get up.” When the two younger men looked at him incredulously he added “I’m taking you two to the hospital.”

“What-” Hollander started.

“Listen, five minutes ago you looked like you were doing everything in your power to not faint and right now you look as pale as the ice we played on tonight. You need to get checked out. What if you had a concussion ?” Marlow said getting up from his stool walking closer to both men. Looking at Hollander closely, he really didn’t look that good.

“He’s not right about a lot of things but I think he might be this time.” Ilya tried to whisper to Shane

“Fuck you, of course I’m right.” he huffed “And you could have a broken nose for all we know so let’s go.” he concluded, gesturing in the direction of the entry. 

None of the men moved for a while and Marlow had to witness another one of their silent conversations. 

“Right, the whole being together in public thing.” he thought.

“It won’t look weird if I’m here. You could say that you took a door to the face or that you two got into a fight and I had to separate. It won’t even be a lie because technically Hollander rocked your shit and I interrupted so.” It got a laugh out of both men and he knew he was on the right path. “I promise you nobody is going to assume that you guys are dating just because you’re in the hospital at the same time.”

Marlow was glad that he didn’t have to do more convincing because he was already dreading to go to the ER, it wasn’t really his favourite place to go but he had to keep it calm for the sake of the lovebirds. 

They were out of Ilya’s house soon after that with both men sitting in the backseat of his car. Marlow was the one making the conversation, mostly asking hockey related questions. He hadn’t been joking when he mentioned a possible concussion that’s why he was trying his best to keep Hollander alert. Marlow also felt like they all could use a distraction and it was way better than seating in silence for the whole drive. 

At some point, when he looked into the rearview mirror, Marlow realised that Hollander and Ilya’s hands were laying closely on the middle seat but they weren’t touching. Marlow wondered if he should tell them that it was okay for them to hold hands in his car. Maybe they didn’t know it was allowed outside of Ilya’s house. 

In the end, he got distracted by Hollander’s comment on Boston traffic and kept the conversation going until they arrived at the hospital.

JJ loved the pre-season. It was a way to get back in the game without any real stakes. The games weren’t as intense as the ones in the season and their coach wasn’t as hard on them yet. 

Their game against Boston was supposed to happen in Quebec but, for reasons he didn’t care to remember, they ended up playing in their opponent's city. It’s never enjoyable to play outside of home ice, especially in Boston, but JJ wasn’t dreading it as much this time.

JJ had, through the years, been able to hear some bits here and there about his friend’s relationship with this mysterious woman from Boston whom Shane seemed to not be able to stay away from. His captain wasn’t really open about this aspect of his life and JJ had never pushed past what his friend was willing to share with him no matter how small it was and how curious JJ was. He only knew that the woman was from Boston, that it was casual and that they briefly stopped seeing each other when Shane started dating Rose. He also knew her name, Lily.

On their first run together, after Shane had made it back to Montreal after the summer break, JJ had asked his captain what he did during his summer. JJ was expecting an answer on his friend spending days alone in his cottage, visiting his parents and maybe spending some time with the Pikes. What he was not expecting, however, was the goofy smile, slight blush and small head shake from his friend who had stopped running at the mention of his summer days. Before JJ could ask what word had warranted this reaction, Shane had blurted out how he had finally made things official with his mysterious Boston woman. 

In the end, Shane spent the entirety of their run telling JJ everything they did during summer. It was the first time Shane had spoken so passionately about someone he was dating. JJ had listened to Shane talk about Rose, and even though it was clear that he genuinely liked her, JJ never had the impression that he was really passionate about her. 

JJ had treaded carefully during their conversation. It was the first time Shane had allowed himself to be this open and this happy about something that wasn’t hockey. JJ’s curiosity about the woman was just growing more and more but he kept it hidden and only asked a few questions and had let Shane lead the entire conversation about his new girlfriend. 

After that, Shane had started talking more and more about Lily. It was incredible the way Shane was able to bring her through any conversation or situation when he was with JJ. During one too many conversations about the woman, JJ had told Shane how excited he was to meet her one day. Shane’s face had dropped for a split second before he pushed his, what JJ called, “press smile”. It would’ve been easy to miss it if you didn’t know Shane but JJ had been his closest friend since his rookie year so this small reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed. He didn’t want to dwell on it and thought that, when the time was right, he would eventually meet the mystery woman.

All this to say, JJ had decided that having a pre-season game in Boston wasn’t that bad considering that, at least, Shane was happy to be in Boston this early in the season. Unfortunately, JJ wasn’t happy to be in Boston for the exact same reason. 

He had spent years paired up with Shane and his days and nights in other cities were mostly filled with sharing his time with him. If they were in New York or Tampa or any other city, JJ would’ve dragged Shane to a nice discreet bar or maybe stayed in to watch a movie. But right now, and just like every time they were in Boston, JJ was bored out of his mind. It was only 10pm and JJ had already circled every channel of their hotel room’s tv and ordered room service twice. He thought about going out but his coach had a strict rule about not letting any player go out alone when they weren’t in Montreal and JJ would rather die of boredom before texting one of the guys from his team to hangout. 

JJ had abandoned any hope of finding something that would distract him on tv and had let a true crime documentary play in the background while he scrolled through his phone. He had sent a quick text to Shane asking if his night was going well. When he didn’t receive an answer, and because he was slowly becoming aware of the documentary he had put as a background noise retelling the story of a man being killed by his girlfriend, JJ opened “Find my friends” to make sure Shane’s location was still in the location he was two hours ago. 

JJ’s entire world shifted when he saw that Shane’s dot was not in a house outside of the city, like it was supposed to be, but in an “approximate location” blue circle where the main building was a fucking hospital. 

JJ jumped from his bed and got dressed so fast that he had only realised that his shirt was on background when he had made it to the elevator. He was still jumping to put his shoe on with his phone pressed between his ear and his shoulder trying to call Shane for the fourth time since he had seen his friend’s location. 

When he got out of the hotel, JJ tried his best to order an uber but every single one was either too far or ended up canceling. JJ was pacing on the sidewalk alternating between his text conversation with Shane, the Uber app and the phone app. 

After seven minutes of waiting, JJ was able to get a car. Around 10 minutes into the ride, and after his third time asking if they were far from the destination, the uber driver informed him that it was probably going to take some time due to a few streets being closed for some college party. JJ was losing his mind. Shane wasn’t answering, his dot was still in the hospital and it now looked like the Universe was working really hard against him. JJ opened his maps and realised that he was twenty eight minutes away from the Boston Medical Center by foot. He silently hoped that the adrenaline and his overall athletic condition would be enough to carry him for the last miles. 

JJ had made it to the hospital in nineteen minutes and his entire body was killing him. He was, somehow, able to push past the exhaustion to articulate a few sentences to the receptionist asking her if they had admitted a patient named Shane Hollander. Before she could ask his affiliation to the patient, JJ’s eyes spotted a drawn curtain near the far end of the emergency room where he saw legs wearing very familiar white Reebok shoes and what looked like beige pants. 

Ignoring the protests from the woman sitting behind the desk, JJ crossed the emergency room in a few long strides, his eyes never darting away from the shoes. He took a deep breath to brace himself and opened the curtain with a little bit too much force. 

Shane was there, sitting with an ice pack on the back of his head. For a moment, nobody moved. JJ was scanning his friend’s entire body looking for any major injury but it seemed that, except for whatever was going with Shane’s head, he was fine.

JJ blew out a breath and walked closer to Shane who was now looking at him with wide eyes.

“JJ ?! What are you doing here ?” Shane said with a little bit too much panic in his voice.

“What am I doing here ? Shane, what are you doing here ?” JJ said incredulously before letting worry wash over him again “Are you okay ? What’s going on ?” 

“Man, take a breath geez.” someone said, interrupting JJ’s question.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” JJ started, already irritated “Who-” he continued, turning his head following the sound.

Maybe he had been checked so hard tonight that he had fainted and was now in a parallel universe where all of this was a trick from his subconscious while he was unconscious. There was no way he had ran two miles in less than twenty minutes, there was no way Shane was sitting on an hospital bed staring at him right now and there was absolutely no way he was actually looking at Ilya fucking Rozanov and Cliff fucking Marlow.

“Am I dead ? Is that what this is ?” JJ said mostly to himself looking up at the white ceiling clenching his fists.

“Ha! I had the same reaction!” the irritating voice from before said with a little bit too much glee. 

“Why the fuck are you here ? Capitaine, am I going insane ? Why are those two here ?”

“JJ-” Shane tried, taking the ice pack off his head.

“What the hell happened to your head ?”

“JJ! Respire. [Breath.] Shane said seriously.

JJ’s spiraling was cut off from Shane’s command. It’s true that he hadn’t been breathing for most of this weird interaction and he barely had any breath left from this hell of a run. He closed his eyes trying to avoid the very obvious distractions happening around him, and took a couple of deep breaths. When he felt like he had regained a pretty normal respiration, he opened his eyes and set them on his friend. 

“Look, I’m fine. I just bumped my head a little too hard and he” Shane nodded toward the man standing up “took me to the hospital. That's all.” 

“Why didn’t you call me ? Or, I don’t know, answer your fucking phone ?” he scoffed.

Shane started patting his pockets, probably looking for said phone. “Fuck I think I left it in the car.” he muttered to himself. “You were going to worry if I had called.”

“Oh yeah ? You think I would’ve been more or less worried than I was when I ran all the way here ?” JJ said, trying (and failing) to not lose his cool.

Shane immediately looked apologetic and JJ felt a little bit guilty for snapping at his friend. The adrenaline was slowly leaving JJ’s body and he didn’t know how to react to everything that was going on. He was relieved his friend was fine and didn’t look like he had suffered something violent or traumatic (like he had been convincing himself of for the past 40 minutes). But he was also having a lot of trouble accepting that all of this was real. 

He glanced towards the two, very quiet, men next to him and realised that the Boston Captain was also sitting on an hospital bed and had, what looked like, dried blood on his cheeks. 

“Ok let’s put that aside for now.” JJ sighed and added “Why is Rozanov here ?”

“I was with him when it happened.” Shane said, avoiding JJ’s eyes.

Shane was in the hospital with what looked like a head injury, Rozanov looked like he had been punched in the face and Marlow was, for some reasons, the one who had brought both of them to the hospital. After looking at all those facts and adding them together, JJ took a step toward the Russian. He ended up sizing up the Boston alternate captain who had taken a step forward at the same time as him. 

“No no not like that. JJ he’s good. He really is.” Shane said urgently.

JJ looked at his friend warily, not moving for a moment, then took a step back. Silence fell between them and JJ stood closer to Shane. JJ’s body was starting to remind him that he had run like his life depended on it a few minutes ago and that he had also played a really intense game tonight. The ache in his arms and legs was the least of his worries at the moment, because he was now in a weird staring contest with the Boston alternate captain. 

“How did you know where he was ?” said a voice with a Russian accent. 

JJ broke his intense eye contact with Marlow to look at Rozanov. He realized that it was the first time he had heard the Boston captain's voice since he arrived. 

“Find my friends.” JJ said, looking at Rozanov suspiciously.  

“You look at this way too much.” Shane said with a chuckle.

JJ smiled, finally feeling like there was some sense of normalcy coming back. “Yeah well we have this for safety reasons. You didn’t answer my texts and I got worried. I thought you were still with Lily so I just wanted to check to get some peace of mind but I saw that you were in a fucking hospital so-”

“Lily ? Who’s Lily” Marlow interrupted. 

JJ couldn’t understand why he was so aggravated by this man every time he opened his mouth. Maybe because everything he had said so far had just been a waste of JJ’s time. The Russian answered before JJ could tell the man to mind his business.

“That’s Hollander’s girl.” Rozanov said with a smirk.

How the fuck did Rozanov knew ? The two Boston players were having a silent conversation that was mostly happening through raised eyebrows, small nods and small giggles. When JJ looked toward Shane he was expecting an horrified look on his friend’s face. Instead, his captain, with suddenly very red ears, looked really interested in the monitor next to his bed. 

“Ils sont au courant pour Lily ?[They know about Lily ?]” JJ said, bewildered. “Ok Shane qu’est ce qu’il se passe exactement ? Rien n'a de sens et j’ai l’impression de devenir dingue. [Ok Shane what’s going on exactly ? Nothing makes any sense and I feel like I'm losing it.] ”

JJ had switched to french out of frustration but also because he needed to talk without being interrupted again. He was tired of asking questions and trying to get a straight answer on whatever the fuck was going on and felt like he had just been running in circle since he arrived. He also didn’t like the fact that Shane didn’t look uncomfortable with having these two Boston players talk about him and his private life but he couldn’t understand why. 

Before JJ could continue a doctor came calling Shane’s name. In the end, JJ had to put a pin to his need for an explanation. He stood for 10 minutes listening to the very enthusiastic intern telling them that Shane’s injury wasn’t major and didn’t require any further treatment. He paid extra attention to her directives, making a mental note of the fact that his friend shouldn’t look at screens tonight and try to rest as much as possible. 

“And for you Mr Rozanov-”

“Excuse me. Can we go ?” JJ interrupted. He winced when he saw the doctor’s smile falter. He hadn’t meant to interrupt but he was really not interested in anything that wasn’t related to Shane right now.

“Um yes. You can go to the nurse’s station. They'll guide you through the discharge papers and you’ll be free to go.”

“Thank you for your help.” he said with a smile he hoped was enough to convey his appreciation and ignoring the three other pairs of eyes staring at him.

He walked toward the front desk without waiting to hear what was about to be said to Rozanov. His only focus at the moment was to fill the discharge papers as fast as possible to get out of here and finally get answers. 

JJ had hoped that he would fill the form quick enough to grab Shane and bolt before having to face or speak to Marlow and Rozanov again. Unfortunately, tonight was really not his best night. When he was finally done writing, someone spilled coffee over his forms. He walked back to the desk and had to stand next Marlow while filling out the new ones. 

“So much for avoiding them” he thought.

Marlow didn’t pay him any mind and he was grateful for that (even though he felt like the man wasn’t doing it on purpose but was actually too absorbed by the papers in front of him). He was joined at the desk by Rozanov and Shane. They were standing a little bit too closely but JJ really didn’t have time to focus on that. When he was done, he handed the forms back and grabbed Shane’s wrist to take him toward the exit without looking back.

“JJ, wait what are you doing ?” Shane said when they reached the parking lot of the hospital. JJ had let go of his wrist and was now walking in front of his friend while looking at his phone with way too much concentration. 

“I’m calling an uber.” JJ said, not glancing up.

“JJ-” Shane started and JJ could see in the corner of his eyes that his friend was walking closer to him.

“We can talk when we’re back at the hotel.” JJ snapped, still not looking at his friend.

It was irrational and maybe a little bit childish but JJ couldn’t help it, he couldn’t look at Shane right now. He was mad about the whole situation. He was mad about the fact that if he hadn’t checked the app Shane would’ve probably come back to their hotel room without mentioning getting hurt and this was driving JJ insane. His best friend had been in some kind of trouble and he hadn’t been called. Instead, Shane had relied on Cliff fucking Marlow. On top of that, Ilya Rozanov seemed to know a little bit too much about Shane’s girlfriend when JJ had only, officially, heard about her a couple of weeks ago. 

“Shane!”  

JJ turned his head so fast that he was surprised his neck wasn’t hurting. Aside from him, Rose, the Pikes and Shane’s parents, nobody actually called him by his name. Their own teammates only referred to him as “Cap” or “Hollander”, so hearing his friend’s name shouted by Ilya Rozanov in the middle of a parking lot was probably the weirdest thing that had happened that night.

Rozanov was walking toward them with his alternate not far behind him. When the two men reached JJ and Shane’s level, JJ was expecting them to actually say something but they all just stood there looking at each other.

Rozanov tried to take a step to stand closer to Shane but JJ immediately put himself between the two of them. Rozanov stopped his movement and stared at JJ for a moment. JJ thought, at first, that Rozanov was trying to intimidate him but in the end it actually looked like he was debating with himself.

”Шейн. Тебе стоит ему сказать.” [Shane. You should tell him.]

JJ didn’t move. Rozanov had stopped staring at him and was now looking over his shoulder where Shane was standing. 

“Ты сошел с ума? [Are you crazy ?/Have you lost your mind ?]” Shane said, pushing past JJ to stand closer to Rozanov.

“ моя любовь [My love]” Rozanov started his hand flexing at his side “ Он побежал к тебе, потому что волновался. [He ran to you because he was worried.]” Rozanov glanced at JJ before adding “ Он твой лучший друг, да? [He’s your best friend right ?] ”

Shane took a deep breath and stared at JJ “Yeah. Yes he is.”

“Тогда, может быть, ты сможешь ему сказать. [Then maybe you can tell him.] ” Rozanov said. 

JJ couldn’t quite describe the way the russian was looking at Shane but he was sure of the fact that it was not how rivals looked at each other. 

“И Марлоу уже знает, Было бы справедливо, если бы вы кому-нибудь рассказали. Знаешь, для равновесия.” [And Marlow already knows, It would be fair if you told someone. You know, for the sake of balance.] Rozanov ended with a smirk.

And as if this night couldn’t get even more weird, Shane chuckled. Fucking chuckled at Rozanov’s joke that he couldn’t even understand. 

JJ turned around and took a step back to face the three men. “Okay yeah no fuck the hotel. I need to know what’s happening. Now. Because since when do you fucking speak Russian ? And with him of all people ?” he said, crossing his arms against his chest.

JJ couldn’t help but jump a little when he saw Rozanov put a hand on the back of Shane’s neck where he leaned to whisper something in his ear. 

Shane took a deep breath and looked at JJ seriously. “Do you trust me ?”

And that was probably the stupidest question Shane could ask him because in what world would he not trust Shane ?

“You know I do.” JJ said “Always.”

“Then just come with us.” Shane glanced back at Rozanov who gave him a slight nod before turning his attention back on JJ “I’ll tell you everything when we get there.”

And maybe JJ should ask questions on where “there” was, maybe he should refuse and demand answers right here and there in the middle of the parking lot where Rozanov was staring at him like he was a bomb seconds away from exploding. But instead, he stared back at his friend who was looking at him with pleading eyes. There were very little things he wouldn’t do for Shane no matter how crazy it sounded. Like for example accepting to go with two guys he barely knew to a place he had no information on.

“Okay.” JJ simply said. At least, there was finally a promise to the whole truth. He could hold onto that.

JJ quickly cancelled the drive he had booked and followed as they all walked toward, what was probably, Marlow’s car. JJ had accepted to follow without making a fuss but he also felt like he was slowly embarking in a really weird hockey conspiracy where he would, at some point, have to run for his life and Shane’s. Which probably explains why he was walking like he was glued to Shane, not letting any space between them. 

When they got to the car, Rozanov opened the back door for Shane before going to sit in the passenger seat which just set more alarms in JJ’s mind. 

The whole ride was quiet and the atmosphere in the car was really tense. JJ kept glancing between every single person in the car thinking about all the decisions he had taken that had led him to this. Eventually, he got taken away from his thoughts when he felt Shane’s knee start bouncing. JJ reached to put his hand on Shane’s knee not letting his hand fully rest on top of it in case Shane wasn’t open to the contact. Shane looked over and seemed to relax a bit when JJ squeezed his knee. Shane turned his head toward the car window JJ took it as a silent permission. He left his hand on his friend’s knee for the rest of the ride while trying his best to ignore the, not so subtle, glance Rozanov was sending his way. 

JJ was now sitting on a couch in what was apparently Rozanov’s living room. He was in what was probably a flight or fight state. He was looking around making a mental note on every exit point and on the time it had taken for them to go from the entry door to the living room. JJ was also freaking out about the fact that Rozanov’s place seemed to be in the middle of fucking nowhere and it would take them a very long time to reach the city by foot if it came down to it. He didn’t think he had any strength left to run but he would find it anyways. Yes, JJ had fully convinced himself that he and his friend were in some kind of danger for some reason. 

The two Boston players had disappeared toward what JJ assumed was the kitchen because of the few clinking noises he could make up. Shane was sitting on the far end of the couch looking straight in front of him. The distance between them, and the fact that Shane had been looking tense the moment they entered the house, wasn’t helping him calm down. JJ scooted over until their knees were pressed together. 

JJ looked around him before leaning closer. “Ok, j’ai rien dit pendant tout le trajet mais maintenant tu dois me dire ce qu’il se passe parce que je commence vraiment à flipper. On dirait que je suis dans un film d’horreur et tu sais très bien comment les gens comme moi finissent quand ils sont dans cette situation. [Okay I didn’t say anything during the whole car ride but now you have to tell me what’s going on because I'm starting to freak out. I feel like I’m in a horror movie and you know that those don’t end well for people like me right?]” he whispered seriously.

Shane looked at him with a tired look “JJ.”

“Non je suis très sérieux. Si on doit s’enfuir autant le faire maintenant. [No, I'm serious. If we need to make a run for it we should do it now.]” 

“Calme toi [Calm down.]”

“Comment tu veux que je me calme ? [Calm down? How do you expect me to calm down ?]“ JJ whispered shouted. 

“Attends juste qu’ils reviennent et je t’expliquerais. [Just wait until they come back and I’ll explain]” 

Before JJ could protest, the two men came back into the room, one of them holding ice packs while the other was balancing a tray with glasses, cans and a bottle. 

Rozanov handed one of the ice packs to Shane and sat on a chair in front of the couch while Marlow sat on the opposite side of the couch where JJ was previously seated. JJ straightened up, he didn’t like the fact that both men weren't in his direct field of vision.

Nobody moved or talked for a few minutes. It was like everyone was processing each other’s presence or maybe they were all waiting for someone to be brave enough to talk first. 

Eventually, the silence was broken by a quiet laugh that became louder with time.

“What is so funny?” JJ asked, turning toward Marlow who was folded on himself.

Marlow kept laughing for a few seconds not feeling rushed by the three pairs of eyes looking at him totally baffled “I’m sorry. I just don’t react well to stressful situations.”

What the fuck was up with that guy ? Why did JJ feel like he wanted to punch him ?

“And what is so stressful about this whole situation ?” JJ asked, turning his attention back to Shane. 

Shane looked over at Rozanov who gave him a reassuring look. Shane scooted back further on the couch, putting some distance between them again. JJ tried really hard to not be hurt by that.  “You remember when I told you I finally made things official with Lily ?” Shane said, looking at Rozanov.

JJ laughed, thinking back at his friend’s face that day. “Yeah you were over the moon.” JJ looked between the two men and furrowed his brows when he saw a smile appearing on Rozanov’s face “What does it have to do with anything going on here ?”

“I’m getting to it.” Shane sighed and finally turned his gaze away from Rozanov. He was now looking at a distant point over JJ’s head “I went to see her tonight right ?” JJ nodded, trying really hard to not interrupt. “and there was an…incident that’s how I hurt my head.” 

His friend looked really embarrassed and JJ couldn’t help but ask. “What kind of incident? Is she okay?”

“She’ll live.” Rozanov said with a sigh. 

“Ilya.” Shane scolded.

JJ was beyond confused at this point. Shane wasn’t looking at him, Rozanov was part of the conversation now and, for some reason, knew about Lily’s wellbeing and the giant asshole sitting on the opposite side of the couch was hiding his laughter behind a cushion pressed on his face. Oh and Shane and Rozanov were apparently on a first name basis now.

“Marlow found and took us to the hospital and then you got there.” Shane continued looking at JJ hopelessly. 

JJ sat with all the information for a minute but none of it made any sense. “Why was he at her place ? And if he took you both to the hospital, where is she now ?”

“He can’t be dumber than me.” said Marlow fucking gigling in JJ’s face. Yeah JJ hated that guy for sure.

Rozanov shrugged “I think he’s doing really well for now. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have asked half the questions he did if you were in his position. You were lucky to walk in on us.” 

JJ ignored the very childish way Rozanov and Marlow were sticking their tongue out to each other “I don’t understand a single thing you’re saying.”

“Sorry.” Rozanov said with a fake pained expression. “I know my accent is difficult to under-” 

“You know damn well this isn’t what I meant.” All of this was becoming more and more irritating by the minute. Both Boston players looked way to relaxed and JJ still had no idea what the fuck was going o-

“Ilya is Lily.” Shane blurted out.

JJ could see the way every person in the room had stopped moving as if they were bracing themselves for impact. He let the words register and oh. It finally made sense now! The secrecy on where they were going. Why Shane was so stressed about the whole thing. Rozanov and him looking this close. And the 6 foot 3 thing that has been dying and shaking with laughter for the past 10 minutes in the corner. 

This was a joke. A really big one at that.

JJ started laughing almost hysterically. He couldn’t believe that he had thought something bad was going on. Okay it wasn’t fun to be turned into a joke but it was way better than whatever he was imagining. “It’s like those hidden camera pranks ? I never thought you would be into those Capitaine.” JJ said between two breaths. He stood up looking around the room. “Where’s the camera?”

Maybe they weren’t expecting him to be this okay with the prank but none of the men in the room were smiling.

“JJ” Shane said. 

“Do I win something ?” he said looking back at his friend. The silence stretched after that and the smile immediately got wiped off JJ’s face when he saw the pained expression on Shane’s face. Was Shane sad about the way JJ had reacted ? Was he not supposed to catch on this early ? 

“Jean.” Absolutely not. JJ could count on one hand how many times Shane had called him by his full name these past years and none of them were for giggles and shit. Shane wouldn’t do that for a simple prank. He wasn’t like that but also it couldn’t mean that-

“On est vraiment ensemble. Tu sais que je ne rigolerais jamais à propos de ça. [We’re really together. You know I would never joke about that.] ”

So he had meant it like that. JJ looked at Marlow. He didn’t really know why but he felt like it was the most natural thing to do at the moment. When he made eye contact with the men he realised that there were no traces of amusement left on his face. Marlow simply nodded seriously as if he had understood what Shane had just said. 

JJ turned his attention back on Shane. “Toi et Rozanov ? [You and Rozanov ?] ”

“ Oui [Yes] ”

“Non.” JJ immediately answered. 

“Boiziau.” JJ stopped dead in his tracks, he hadn’t realised that he had started pacing. “It's not a prank. We are dating.” Rozanov looked way too serious when he said that and it was scaring the shit out of him because It didn’t make sense. It shouldn’t make sense. 

It kind of did actually now that JJ was putting this into consideration. The way Shane had always been looking forward to playing against Boston. The fact that during all the years they’ve been friends, Shane never really had girlfriends or hook ups aside from Rose. Rose who was the only woman he had been seen in public with. Now that he thought about it, he never really knew the real reason behind their break up. Shane had told him that they were better off as friends and JJ had just been happy that a new person had been added to the very small circle of people who truly cared about him. 

“We’ve been…casual for a long time but we started dating this year.” Shane said, interrupting JJ’s process of connecting the dots.

A long time ? What is a long time ? And “casual” ? Shane isn’t the kind of guy who does casual. Wait-

“Fucking All star weekend!” JJ spoke like a lightbulb had just turned on. “When you came back you were grinning to yourself every day.” 

“You were?” Rozanov said, looking at Shane with a soft smile. If JJ were to talk about it nobody would believe that Ilya Rozanov was capable of that. Shane was looking at Rozanov a little embarrassed and wow this was real.

JJ flopped back down on the couch scrubbing a hand over his face. “Fuck so you really are…”

“Gay…? Yeah.” Shane finished not meeting JJ’s eyes.

“I was going to say “together” but good to know.” He sighed “ So Rozanov is your boyfriend ?”

“Ilya.” Shane corrected “Yes he is.”

JJ mouthed “Ilya” more to himself as if he was tasting the sound out of his own mouth. He was still trying to get behind the idea and didn’t even know where to start. He didn’t try looking at anyone, his eyes fixed on the can on the table in front of him. Nobody seemed to rush him and he was silently grateful for that. 

“Who knows ?” JJ said, breaking the silence.

“Just every person in this room.” Shane answered. Before JJ could ask Shane continued “My parents don’t know about him. Or…about me.”

JJ put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees and stayed there for a moment. He imagined if he had to hide something this big to his mom and sister, if he had to hide something like this to Shane, if the only people aware of his relationship were people who found out by accident and not because he had chosen to tell them. Shane was handling this better than he would have if he was in his position. 

“Listen I know you hate me but-”

“Hate you?” JJ said, snapping his head up to look at Rozanov “Dude I barely even know you.” He didn't know how it landed but judging by the look on Rozanov’s face his tone was clearly not conveying what he had meant. “I mean I know” he gestured in Rozanov’s direction with his hand “asshole Ilya Rozanov Captain of Boston” but I don’t know…Ilya. So how could I hate you?”

JJ was seriously waiting on a witty comment but Rozanov just stared at him as if JJ had just told him that the sky was green and he couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. 

Thinking back on what he had just said, JJ realised that it wasn’t exactly true. JJ knew Rozanov, just not by that name. 

“The loon story at the cottage with Lily this summer, that was him?” He said, turning to look at Shane. It sounded like a question but he was mostly looking for confirmation for what he already knew. 

“Yeah.” Shane said trying to hide his smile. 

“You told him about that?” Rozanov asked.

Shane chuckled “He hates those birds. I thought it was funny that you two had that in common.”

“It’s fucking scary no bird should make a noise like that.” JJ said, leaning forward looking at Rozanov.

“That’s what I said!” Rozanov said, throwing his hands in the air.

JJ didn’t imagine his day would end with him having a laugh with Ilya Rozanov. They had flown early and played the same day. First real day back on the ice and his body was making it known to him. Or maybe it was the running around Boston stressed out of his mind or the whole “I thought I was going to die tonight for some reason” part. Maybe it was all of it. 

He suddenly felt really tired and thought back on his entire day. Looking back, it made him realise that all of this was really not what he was expecting. If he had, he wouldn’t have reacted that way.

Coming out like this must not have been easy for Shane and JJ had just thought about himself during the entire night. He had been angry because he wasn’t put in the loop. Honestly, with the way he had reacted he realised that he probably deserved that. He had snapped at Shane and didn’t make this easy for him at all.

“Fuck I’m not taking this well at all.” JJ thought. 

“I’m sorry.” Shane said. JJ hadn’t realised that he had said it out loud. 

“No I meant-” He would have to apologise at some point for all of this. He really wanted to but he was getting tired and explaining himself right now didn’t seem like the right time or place. He started again. “You don’t have to apologise for anything. I don’t understand everything right now and my reaction is like all over the place. I’ll need a lot of details about a lot of things later that’s for sure, but you’re still Shane. All that mattered to me was that Lily made you happy. It doesn’t change how I feel just because she’s a guy. And if you say that guy is Rozan- Ilya…I don't have anything to say about that either.”

And that was true. It was maybe difficult to believe it with the way he had acted, but Shane being gay or dating Rozanov wasn’t a big deal for JJ. It was just the combination of finding out those two things at the same time and in a really weird context.

“I don’t really like how you gave him time to sit with the information and ask questions when I was rushed through it.” Marlow said. JJ realised that he hadn’t heard the man in a long time and had been really grateful for that. 

“We would still be there if I had to talk you through it.” Rozanov said.

“Well if I didn’t walk in on you two naked and covered in blood maybe I would’ve had a better reaction.” the Boston alternate scoffed.

JJ’s eyes widened “I’m sorry what ?”

“Oh yeah you don’t know about that. You have to hear it, that's the funniest thing I have ever heard. See-” And JJ had to sit through five minutes of the Boston Alternate captain explaining that the reason Shane and Rozanov ended up in the hospital was due to the most ridiculous sex injury ever. In another context, JJ wouldn’t have laughed. Shane looked extremely embarrassed and had never looked this red in his entire life. But honestly, this was probably one of the funniest stories about Shane that he had heard so far. He laughed and every time he was close to calming down he would accidentally look at Marlow and just fall right back into laughter.  

He eventually closed his eyes for a moment trying to regain his composure and ignoring the muffled laughs coming from the man on the other side of the couch.

“Fuck I have so many questions.” JJ said when he calmed down. It would take some time to fuse Lily from the stories and hockey player Ilya Rozanov. There was this whole new side of Shane he didn’t know existed and had now seen a glimpse of. JJ couldn’t wait to get to know this Shane. Ilya’s Shane. But again, there was a time and place for everything.

“But not now. Now, we have to go.” JJ said, pushing on his knees to get up. When he looked between the three very confused men in the room he added “We need to get back soon. Our flight leaves early tomorrow and Shane needs to rest.” JJ also needed the rest but he didn’t add that last part.

JJ pulled his phone out to order a ride and tried to not think too much on how late it was. He had felt like they were maybe stuck in a weird space where time had been stopped since they stepped a foot in Rozanov’s house but unfortunately they all had lives they had to get back to. 

“Right.” Shane said, standing up following JJ who was already walking toward the entryway. 

JJ had meant to give them some sort of privacy to maybe say goodbye since the car wasn’t going to be there for another 6 minutes. He was startled when he turned around and found Shane and two Boston players right behind him. He was not going to stand awkwardly for the next six minutes. He hated small talk and six minutes wasn’t long enough to have a full conversation.

“Give me your phone.” JJ said, staring at Rozanov who was previously looking at Shane and was now watching him in confusion. “If something happens to Shane when he’s with you I need to be informed. I can’t run around Boston thinking that he got stabbed or something.”

“Stabbed ?” Shane asked incredulously. 

“I was watching a true crime show before all of this happened.” JJ explained briefly looking at Shane before settling his attention back on Rozanov. “So ? Phone ?”

Shane rolled his eyes and nodded towards Rozanov who gave JJ his phone. 

While sending himself a text with Rozanov’s phone JJ realised that he would go back to Montreal with all the time in the world to talk things over with Shane and make things right with him, but not with Rozanov. He didn’t have time to create a bond with the guy he was now sharing this huge secret with. He also hadn’t been the most open to him either until a few minutes ago. It must not be easy to trust a guy you barely know. 

“Here.” JJ said handing Rozanov his phone back “This way I can send you updates of him if you want.” 

“Updates ?” Rozanov asked.

“Yeah pictures, stuff like that. I used to do that with his mom during his rookie year.” He omitted the part where he used to also do that when Rose and Shane were dating. “Won’t be for free of course. Do you know how much this face is worth ?” He joked. 

Rozanov laughed “Yes, he’s very expensive I know. I’ll pay anything just name your price”. 

And Rozanov looked genuinely pleased whether it was because of the joke or because of the idea of having someone give him news about Shane JJ couldn’t tell. But at least he had done and said something to prove his good faith.

“I can do that too!” Marlow said. “Hollander, give me your phone.”

JJ rolled his eyes so hard that he was scared they would’ve stayed stuck at the back of his skull. Thankfully no one made a comment about that. Shane was too busy handing his phone over to the Boston player. 

JJ checked for the car and suddenly Marlow was close to him. “You want mine too ?”

“Why the fuck would I need it for ?” JJ said not glancing up from his phone. JJ hadn’t meant to say that outloud but it was out there so there was nothing he could do to take it back. Plus the guy was seriously annoying him for some reason. 

They were all standing awkwardly in the entry way. JJ not taking his eyes away from his phone tracking their driver’s every movement. He could feel Marlow staring at him but he seriously couldn’t care less about the man. Shane had drifted toward Rozanov. They weren’t touching, just standing really close to each other. JJ could see them in his peripheral vision. 

“Car’s here.” JJ said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Okay” Shane said looking at Rozanov. “We’re gonna go now.” Shane said not moving a single inch clearly waiting for something.

JJ stared at his friend who couldn’t take his eyes away from Rozanov. When he felt JJ’s stare, Shane detached himself from Rozanov and walked toward the door without looking back. 

When Shane passed in front of him, JJ grabbed his arm and said quietly enough so that only Shane could hear “You should kiss your guy goodnight.” He turned to look at Rozanov before adding “He looks like he’s not going to make it till next time otherwise.” 

Shane turned around and stared at JJ then Rozanov. When he realised that his friend wasn’t going to move, JJ pushed him slightly toward the Boston Captain who hadn’t taken his eyes off Shane since he left his side. 

Shane looked at his boyfriend for a moment staring at his lips as a silent question. Rozanov gave him a slight nod, and dropped a kiss on his lips. Rozanov’s hand found his cheek and stroked his thumb over Shane’s freckles. This whole thing was so intimate JJ wasn’t sure he was allowed to see that. 

JJ’s phone vibrated, their driver was getting impatient. He coughed to remind them that there were two other people in the room. 

“I’m sorry but we really have to go now.” JJ said, giving them an embarrassed smile when they both turned to look at him. 

Shane sighed and Rozanov interlaced their fingers together. He kissed the back of Shane’s hand before tugging him forward.

“See you next week.” Rozanov said, opening the door.

“See you next week.” Shane replied, placing one last kiss on his lips before rushing outside.

JJ gave Rozanov a nod and a very awkward pat on the back that he was definitely going to replay a few times in his bed for the next couple of days. 

“What a weird fucking night” he thought when he was finally sitting in the car.