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How to Not Kill your Coworkers, Lecture Series One: Wastes of Carbon by Ren_Kitsune for One_Real_Wrimonkey
Fandoms: Project Hail Mary - Andy Weir, Project Hail Mary (2026)
18 Jul 2026
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Summary
Before formal introductions and full time work assignments could be dished out, all new scientists on Stratt’s Vat were treated to a engaging demonstration by Dimitri’s favorite American Crazy Genius. That he got to sit in on the ensuing explosion was just a bonus to watching Ryland Grace’s mind work. And, if he was extra lucky, Carl would share some of the candy he carried around for Dr. Grace.
Carl isn’t sure what is more interesting about his new role - his Principal using him as a sounding board and lab assistant on Bill Nye level experiments that somehow paved the way into genius applications for the Task Force, or watching a bunch of idiot new scientists quickly change their harsh opinions of the man after he caught them doing something stupid, though it was probably both. - Either way, he and Dimitri would share a sweet treat while enjoying the demolition of the newbies egos via Mild Mannered Middle School Science Teacher.
Series
- Part 1 of Stratt’s Vat Lecture Series
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Bookmark Collections:
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Bookmark Notes:
a lesson for staggering wastes of carbon
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Bookmark Notes:
”Welcome Aboard. I’m excited to share all the discoveries we’ve been ….” Grace’s words trailed off as Yao spoke to Stratt. Carl may not know which dialect of Chinese the man was speaking but Stratt’s face and response told him it was probably about why Grace was using his teacher's voice. Her face only ever got that half amused look when he unknowingly slipped into it. Usually when whichever government official was being an idiot that day was speaking and Grace was correcting the plethora of inaccuracies that person happen to be spouting.
Carl’s suspicions were confirmed when one of the other security personnel caught his eye and nodded. That was two for Carl. Someone owed him a drink.
Grace had tracked the interaction the same way he did most of Stratt’s discussions, with half his attention on whatever else was going on in his immediate surroundings.
”Apologies. The “teacher voice” is hard to break out of….” Grace shifted his weight, arm lifting to rub the back of his neck in a familiar nervous tick when it shot into the air and Grace spun on his heel in a movement that was far too fluid to have come from the normally clumsy man. “CLASS, MY HAND IS UP, ALL HANDS UP NOW! DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!”
The flurry of movement in the room synchronized as almost every person’s dominant hand shot into the air a second after Grace’s voice boomed through the space. Even Stratt jumped slightly at the sudden movement from the Task Force’s First Officer.
“EVERYONE IN THIS LAB, MOVE TO THIS BACK WALL. I WILL NOT ASK TWICE.” The newbies shuffled quickly to the back wall until they all squished in to stand before Grace, two or three shifting slightly guiltily. Carl tracked the movement, eyes narrowing. Had they….?
”Congratulations, you will be the first class for my newest lecture.” Grace’s voice had gained a slightly colder edge than normal, his usual sunshine smile now hardened on his face. He observed the scientists cooly for less than a second before his eyes settled on one of the biologists who had been observing his earlier introduction with disgust. “Class 101: How to Not Kill Yourself, Your Coworkers, and Everyone Else Onboard with the Dangerous Alien Microbe for Staggering Wastes of Carbon.”