Chapter Text
THE FINAL GIRLS
Drift, Pearl, Scott, and Shelby are online.
Apo is offline. Last seen: fourteen years ago.
Cleo is offline. Last seen: one hour ago.
Shelby renamed the group THE FINAL GIRLS + abolish
Shelby added Abolish to the group
Shelby: hey guys guess who’s still alive
Cleo: Oh hey abolish. Didn’t think you’d let shelby get your number
Abolish: I was coerced.
Shelby: cleo did you KNOW???
Cleo: Yeah he drops by oakhurst every two months for movie and game night
Pearl: he made us sign an nda or wed probably have told you
Pearl: or at least i would. cleo likes knowing things other people dont
Cleo: Guilty as charged
Cleo: I think he still checks in on apo too but she doesnt talk to any of us anyway
Abolish: Been lowering the check-in frequency with her actually, now that she has Cherri to help keep her bloodlust in check. Cherri’s a surprisingly resiliant fledgling, wasn’t really expecting it.
Pearl: oh good for her!
Drift: Wheres Scott? Hes usually always talking in here
Shelby: he’s pouting because he’s mad i convinced abolish to give us his number before he could
Abolish: Oh god.
Cleo: Didnt consider that, huh?
Abolish: Goldsmith I swear to god if I start getting pointless texts from you, I will stake you.
Scott: Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m beautiful.
Abolish: Non-sequitur. Don’t text me.
Pearl: well this is actually really good because now you can tell us when youre dropping in and theres no risk of the mailman getting lost on his way here!
Abolish: That is an upside.
Shelby: you can do italics in this chat client??
GIGS + bossman o7
Abolish, Gem, Grian, and Skizz are online.
Impulse is offline. Last seen: twenty minutes ago.
Gem: hey boss when are we set for our next gig
Gem: Scar wants a turn in the field
Skizz: We should really just add him to this group
Abolish: You fly out in two weeks. I’ll be going with you, this time around.
Grian: Wait really?
Abolish: You’ll be on the turf of some friends of mine. I’ll be going to help keep everything in line. You should be receiving your briefs in a few days.
Abolish: And yes, add Scar. He and Skizz will both be in on this one.
Skizz: Oh shit it must be serious then
Impulse: Takes a lot to get bossman to send both of you out.
Abolish: Stop calling me that.
Gem: no <3
Gem added Scar to the group
Gem renamed the group GIGGS + bossman o7
THE FINAL GIRLS + abolish
Abolish, Cleo, Drift, Scott, Shelby, and Pearl are online.
Apo is offline. Last seen: fourteen years ago.
Shelby: what do you think abolish?
Abolish: Sorry, I got a call from work. What’s the topic?
Pearl: whether or not a stake coated in silver would kill a werewolf
Abolish: It would not. Werewolf flesh is much stronger than vampire or human flesh, which means a stake cannot pierce it, even coated with silver. Silver bullets remain the most effective way to kill a werewolf.
Abolish: Which means, I suppose it could, but the stake would need to be fired through some pretty powerful means in order to get enough speed to penetrate the flesh, which basically makes it just a big silver bullet anyway.
Abolish: Scott, stop texting me.
Scott: Not beating the hating me ‘cause I’m beautiful allegations~~
Abolish: I’m blocking you.
Scott: no wait ill stop
Abolish: Anyway. Cleo and Pearl, I’ll be flying out to Oakhurst in two weeks on business.
Abolish: The group I was training are ready to go now that they’re done with their field tests. Already handled several cases on their own. They’re ready for bigger fish.
Shelby: ooooh can we go?
Drift: Ooh yes, we havent all been in one place in so long!
Abolish: …I suppose I don’t see why not. Just as long as you don’t get in the way of my team.
Cleo: Oh, does that have something to do with how Lizzie’s been talking about ghosts recently?
Shelby: Lizzie?
Abolish: Oakhurst’s librarian. Sweet woman, also runs a bakery with her husband.
Abolish: And yes, Cleo, it does.
Scott: People are living in Oakhurst again?
Pearl: have been for a few decades now. very small town. cleo and i are protecting it.
Scott is typing…
GIGGS + bossman o7
Everyone is online.
Scar: Wait boss what equipment do we get
Abolish: Should be the standard. Do you have any preferences?
Scar: Nah just trying to figure out which chair to bring. Don’t want anything to conflict at all
Scar: Also what’s the accessibility situation look like
Abolish: Oakhurst is surrounded by dense forest, and the roads in the town itself aren’t paved. The main paths will be wide enough for your motorized chair, but you may not always have access to electricity. Be ready for anything.
Scar: Cool, good ol’ classic chair it is, then
Abolish: I’ve already looked into accessibility, and based on everything you’ve told me in the past, you should be fine. If anything’s wrong, I’ll be on the alt line, so you can reach me via radio at any time.
Scar: 👍
THE FINAL GIRLS + abolish
Abolish, Cleo, Drift, Scott, Shelby, and Pearl are online.
Apo is offline. Last seen: fourteen years ago.
Abolish: Oh, that reminds me. Cleo, what does wheelchair accessibility look like in the castle?
Cleo: First floor is entirely accessible, but we don’t have ways up to the higher floors. Why?
Abolish: My team might need a place to go if there’s an emergency in town, and one of them uses a wheelchair.
Pearl: well make sure we have a room for them on the ground floor, then, and theyll have kitchen access that way too. whole team to one room?
Abolish: That’s how they usually operate, yes. This is only in terms of an emergency, though. They’ll be staying at Jimmy’s inn otherwise.
Pearl: got it
Grian → Abolish
Grian: Hey boss?
Abolish: I really wish you guys would stop calling me that.
Grian forwarded a message:
Gem: no <3
Grian: Anyway. Thoughts on replacing the flashlights with worse ones on the first night?
Abolish: No.
Grian: Aw :(
Abolish: You need to think bigger. All level-1 equipment for the first night.
Grian: WOO
Abolish: I’m trusting you to sell it. I’m willing to be the bad guy for the night if necessary.
Grian: You got it bossman o7 these shmucks will be none the wiser
THE FINAL GIRLS + abolish
Abolish, Cleo, Drift, Scott, and Shelby are online.
Apo is offline. Last seen: fourteen years ago.
Pearl is offline. Last seen: three hours ago.
Shelby: abolish
Abolish: Yes?
Shelby: come to the mall with me
Abolish: No.
Shelby: come onnnnnnnnn we need to get ready for the oakhurst trip!!!!
Abolish: I’ve already made preparations for it. You can go on your own.
Shelby: but what if theres a GASP OMG GUYS WE SHOULD HAVE A BALL
Scott: Oh, yes!
Abolish: What.
Shelby: COME ON ABOLISH YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME WE HAVE TO GO CLOTHES SHOPPING
Abolish: Why would we have a ball?
Scott: For fun, obviously!
Cleo: Pearl is all for the idea. I’m skeptical.
Abolish: I’ll be managing a team. This isn’t vacation, I’m going on business.
Drift: Ooooh a ball sounds fun!
Shelby: it could be a celebration!!
Abolish: Of what?
Shelby: idk! you being alive, all of us being in one place, pearl’s wolf form figuring out object permanence, take your pick!
Cleo: She’s still spotty with that, but doing better.
Abolish: Is she still mad at you for the stick thing?
Cleo: She is, but she’s realized by now that I’m not going to stop.
Shelby: we’re getting off topic! come on abolish pleaseeeeeeeeee
Abolish: No.
Scott: Abolish is right.
Cleo: Who are you and what have you done with scott goldsmith
Scott: You don’t need to go to the mall Shelby! If we’re going to have a ball, you need to have specially tailored outfits!
Scott: Lucky for you, your roommate happens to be a seamstress himself! I’ll make you something worthy for it.
Shelby: GASP REALLY??
Scott: Of course! Drift, Abolish, you’re not getting out of this. Come to the apartment so I can get your measurements.
Drift: Sigh okay
Abolish: Or what?
Scott: Or I’ll just get them from Lord Thornvale.
Abolish: Funny.
Scott: It’s cute how you think I’m joking.
Abolish is typing…
Abolish → Morcant
Abolish: Are you in contact with Goldsmith at all?
Morcant: I am, as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?
Abolish: No reason.
Abolish: Block him.
THE FINAL GIRLS + abolish
Abolish, Cleo, Drift, Scott, and Shelby are online.
Apo is offline. Last seen: fourteen years ago.
Pearl is offline. Last seen: three hours ago.
Abolish: Fine.
Scott: Good choice.
Cleo: Pearls wondering how you intend to make three full outfits in a week and a half
Scott: Five. You two send me your measurements too.
Cleo: She has additional questions, most of them being “what the fuck” in an increasingly confused tone
Scott: You all underestimate me too much! Of course I’ll be able to pull it off, I’m Scott Goldsmith.
Abolish: Unfortunately he’s right. At the rate he takes in clients, a human would be working practically around the clock, and yet he has more than enough time to spend pissing me off. He genuinely could complete five outfits in a week and a half and have time to spare for alterations.
Scott: Thank you, Abolish. Now what time will you be here?
Abolish: I’m working, Scott. Give me a few hours.
Shelby: gasp!!!! abolish, texting on the job?? scandalous!!
Abolish: Hush. It’s not like I’m in the middle of a hunt or something, I’m answering emails.
Scott: Can’t you do that later?
Abolish: My workday ends at five PM. If they want me answering emails after that, they’re gonna have to pay me overtime.
Scott: Don’t you go hunting after five PM all the time??
Abolish: I enjoy that part of the job. I do not enjoy the emails.
Drift: Based
Shelby: you know i was kind of expecting you to just mute this chat and never talk, like apo
Abolish: Oh I’m pretty active online. Don’t get me wrong, this chat is absolutely muted, but it’s much more entertaining than emails and paperwork.
Scott: Aww, you find us entertaining?
Abolish: Don’t make me block you.
GIGGS + bossman o7
Everyone is online.
Grian: Hey boss, can we get details on the trip out?
Abolish: You cannot bring Pearl and Maui.
Grian: What makes you think that’s why I was asking?
Abolish: Because it was. Do not try to bring your cats.
Grian: Damn
Gem: ok but can we get the details for real? i wanna know what strength of advil i’ll have to bring.
Gem: yk, how close to g and scar am i sitting
Scar: Mean to us?
Grian: No, that’s fair actually.
Abolish: You’ll be flying business class. I will try to fly in the same area as the rest of you, but Scott Goldsmith will be on the same flight, so I may need to keep an eye on him.
Skizz: So basically you’ll be in first class.
Abolish: I sincerely hope I am not.
Impulse: Liar
Abolish: If I somehow end up in first class, it’s because Goldsmith did something to put me in a seat near him.
Abolish: I am hoping to whatever god will listen that I won’t have to deal with him for the whole flight.
Gem: ok thats valid actually. godspeed boss i hope you dont have to deal with him
Abolish: Anyway. After the flight, a driver will be taking us as close to town as they can. Scar, preserve energy on the flight and drive over to make sure you can make it to the inn without issue.
Scar: You got it boss
Abolish: I have some suspicions on the names of the entities you’ll encounter out there, but I’m going to wait for those suspicions to be confirmed.
Skizz: Why not just tell us now?
Abolish: Because, for all our sakes, I really hope I’m wrong.
Abolish: Oh, and Gem, bring the extra strength. You’ve got the aisle seat across from them.
Gem: FUCK
Scar: MEAN TO US???
THE FINAL GIRLS + abolish
Abolish, Cleo, Drift, Scott, Shelby, and Pearl are online.
Apo is offline. Last seen: fourteen years ago.
Abolish: I’m on my way over.
Scott: Oh, excellent!
Drift: Maybe we should make a group chat for just us new york vampires…
Shelby: on it!!!
MANHATTAN’S FINEST
Shelby made the group.
Shelby added Scott to the group.
Shelby added Drift to the group.
Shelby added Abolish to the group.
Shelby: done!!
Drift: Damn, you were quick on the draw!
Abolish: “Manhattan’s finest”?
Shelby: ohh yeah!! drift just got named the best detective in manhattan, Scott’s boutique has the highest ratings in the borough, and you’re the best vampire hunter we know!
Abolish: I’m pretty sure I’m the only vampire hunter you know.
Shelby: not
Shelby: um
Abolish: Currently alive.
Shelby: right.
Drift: Changing the subject before we all get too sad, Shelby is also the best selling author in manhattan!
Shelby: only third!
Drift: Yeah but not for much longer!
Abolish: I’m here.
Shelby: ok lemme get the door
Shelby is typing…
Shelby: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU USE THE WINDOW