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Punz had only loved a few times in his life, despite the way he’d grown to keep it to himself. The first time he’d loved, he’d been a child tucking himself close to his mother's side for fear of losing a safe place. He hadn’t known any better back then; he hadn’t been aware that he needed to keep his attachments hidden away.
His first heartbreak was losing his mother. She’d warned him that it would happen, but he’d been naive and thought she was just worried he wouldn’t be ready when he was older. But he’d learned quickly that she was just aware of the dangers in this world. The dangers that had been far too close to a supposedly safe place.
Punz’s next love had come in the form of an excited blond who happened to be the admin of this server. He’d been traveling back then, finding odd jobs here and there. He hadn’t cared what he had to do, just cared about the money he got from it. If the price was right, he’d do it.
Dream had only asked for small jobs at first. Fixing buildings, collecting materials, staying close and loyal. Punz had been more than happy to comply when Dream offered high prices. Punz had come to learn his worth was more than just a few bits of gold or diamonds.
Punz’s third love had crashlanded in a forest, young and fearful of an unfamiliar world. An alien with purple eyes and a strong bite, with a wolf pup companion with a janky red collar. Punz caught the alien going through his things one day after returning from resource collection. He’d been more worried than anything; the poor boy looked torn up and exhausted.
So Punz took him in and fixed him up, shaking out every bite to his hand and being as comforting as he knew how to be. Purpled had calmed down eventually, clinging to Punz in a way that the mercenary was entirely unfamiliar with. He settled into a routine, eventually, sighing each time he felt alien hands grab at his hoodie.
Purpled had thought heavily about leaving, and had gone through with doing so for a few hours. Punz had been disappointed, but he’d expected Purpled to want to go home eventually. Something within him felt softer when Purpled returned, despite it all, and Punz found himself comfortable with the routine that kick-started because of it.
Punz’s next heartbreak wouldn’t come until much later, when Dream came to him with a new plan. New wars and countries had been plaguing the server for months now, and Dream wanted the server reunited, even when it meant turning everyone against him. Punz had been reluctant, but Dream had always planned things out carefully. So Punz, of course, said yes.
Days before Punz was supposed to betray him, Dream had paid many visits to his mercenary, each one a different sort of comfort that Punz hated to lose. Dream had left a ring on the bedside table one night, and Punz had put it on without a second thought—no huge speech or kneeling, just a quiet exchange that had always worked for them.
The true heartbreak didn’t come until Punz had to stand by while Dream lost two lives. Punz had done what he was told, but hearing Dream lose two lives to the hand of the very person who had started the separations on the server to begin with was hard on him. Every nerve in his body was on fire with the want to protect the person who had given Punz a place to call home.
Instead, he stood behind everyone else, his head subtly bowed and his eyes locked on the blackstone below him. The axe in his hand felt heavy, and the armor on his body no longer felt like it kept him safe. This was necessary, though, Dream had made clear. So Punz stood there with the handle of his axe digging into the palm of his hand to keep himself as still as possible.
Punz didn’t interact with anyone for a few days, unless necessary. He kept a steady face, always biting his tongue when he had to listen to someone speak badly about Dream. He tried to keep himself busy, never lingering too long in a quiet house that no longer felt like his own, with no random visits. No walking in to see that mask on a table to let Punz know who had found their way into his house.
Punz found himself longing for the feeling of death to wash over him. Not because he wanted to die permanently, but because he longed for the feeling of dying at his partner's hand. That not-so-gentle feeling of his heart stopping when an axe or sword pierced through him, or that odd peace of falling from a high place.
He wanted to feel alive again after being pulled from limbo, given no more than a minute to feel air in his lungs again, before being asked questions he’d answered a thousand different ways. The feeling of hands on his waist to steady him on his feet after his nerves reset, all the heightened feeling that followed. The late-night make-out that might follow if Punz got lucky.
Now Punz leaned over the top of his tower, his head settled on his arm, while his hand traced patterns into the stone bricks. Falling was no longer a choice. Being revived was no longer an option. Late nights felt longer than any time he’d spent in limbo. There was nothing for him to do without Dream there to tell him what would be useful to do.
Punz sighed heavily before pulling away from the edge of the tower and lying back on the roof to watch the stars he’d become so acquainted with over the years. He’d spent months learning everything he could about a variety of different stars and constellations, along with the many myths and tales that had been told about each one. He remembered the bright eyes Purpled had when Punz set books down for Purpled to read, and each myth or tale he told out loud.
Each day that passed felt duller with each hour. No death or dying, no revival or new secrets to keep. No new knowledge to have or additional resources to find, despite the subtle power he’d gained from the Egg as of recently. He found himself sneaking away from the mainland, making multiple false stops in case anyone may have been following him. An unlikely risk, but not one he was willing to take.
Punz could see his breath as he took steadied breaths to keep his stamina high as he walked over the icy lake and made his way to the coordinates he’d memorized so well. He hadn’t received any new messages or seen any panic come from anyone, which meant Dream was still technically not out. But it’d been long enough, right?
Punz started up a fire and settled down in the snow, his eyes closing for just a moment while he let the heat from the fire flood through him. Any minute now, surely. But nothing came. Punz’s eyes opened with disappointment as the sun started to set, and no one called out for him or greeted him with the adrenaline of freedom bleeding from them.
Eventually, Punz decided to pack up and make his way back home, blowing over his fingers before pulling out his trident and making his way back to the mainland in the quickest way he knew. Back to nothing more than an empty home and an empty bed to greet him as he stepped through the front door.