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Hyperspace travel, although much shorter than traveling slower than the speed of light, was still time-consuming when you had to get from one side of the galaxy to the other, with half a dozen stops for refueling and delivering supplies to hidden rebel groups. Thus, on the third day, Ezra was sore from sparring and bored enough from meditating that he began reading the thousands of screens of information Kanan had assigned him on the Jedi Order.
An hour into reading about the moral implications of killing an enemy, he was about to doze off, when the information shifted topics.
"A Jedi Knight shall abstain from emotional and physical attachment," he mumbled, brow furrowing. "Huh?"
Awake again, he continued to read, but the information only made him more confused, because purity of spirit and body wasn't something he'd ever given much, if any, thought to.
Also...well...Kanan.
Rubbing his sore eyes and cracking his stiff neck, Ezra turned off the screen and rose to go find out the truth.
In her workroom, Sabine rinsed the orange paint from her brush, then, nibbling on her lower lip, dipped it in a dark crimson and drew it across the helmet she was decorating with a brilliant sunset over a desert world. As she contemplated adding purple or a different orange, Ezra interrupted her with a cough.
"Yes?" she drawled, eyes back on her art for only a moment, before his shifting from foot to foot and scratching the back of his head, drew her attention again. "What's up?" She set down her brush and grabbed a cloth to wipe her hands.
"Um...Kanan and Hera." He stalled there, and Sabine restrained the eye roll she so desperately wanted to give him.
"What about them?"
"Well, they're together, right?"
"Yep."
"But..." Ezra's confusion made her frown.
"But what? Come on, I know you're not a purist so it's not that they're different species."
"No, no, that's not it. I just, well I was reading Jedi history, and boy is it dull, but then I came across something and, well, Kanan's a Jedi Knight."
Awkward silence fell again and this time Sabine did roll her eyes. "And?"
"Jedi Knights aren't supposed to...um...get attached."
"...Oh, okay, didn't know that, didn't really care to know that. Ezra, why are you asking me about something I really have no reason to know about when there's someone on this ship that does know about that?"
Ezra flushed, and Sabine chuckled.
"Out, my paint's drying and I'm not done here. Go ask Kanan. Bet he'll make you run circuits of the cargo hold for a couple hours for halting your training for this."
At her snickering, Ezra glared at her, but left her alone. He'd known all along that he'd have to go to the source, but he'd been hoping against hope to avoid it.
Still a kid, he didn't know anything about love or romance or girls, for that matter. Growing up on the streets, on the run, a thief and orphan, he hadn't had time for friends, let alone romantic interests. Girls just confused him.
Opening up his senses, he searched for Kanan, and found him in Hera's quarters, and, yeah, maybe a protein drink and fruit bar were called for before going there, because he really did not want to interrupt anything that might be going on.
Flushing even more, Ezra spun on his heel and headed for the galley.
Curled against Kanan in her bed, warm and drowsy, Hera smiled softly as his fingers traced the curve of her upturned cheek. Beneath her other cheek his heartbeat was slowing to normal, his breathing as well. Comfortable and relaxed, she cherished these moments between battles and supply runs and intrigue. To just be with him was a gift she hoped she'd never take for granted.
Kanan's fingers slid up to her forehead, then slowly glided down her nose making her purr in pleasure.
Since he lost his sight, he'd become so much more tactile, as if he could read her emotions through the tips of his fingers on her skin.
Hera didn't mind in the least.
As she rubbed her cheek against the scattered hair on his firm chest, she pressed a kiss there as well, then sighed. They probably should get up.
"The ship's fine. We have two hours before we arrive at our next rendezvous. Stop fretting," Kanan murmured softly.
"I should monitor..."
"I'm doing that," he interrupted, squeezing her shoulder in reassurance.
Lifting her head, Hera arched a brow at him, despite the fact he couldn't see it, or the smile that hadn't left her face in over an hour.
It made her happy that he was using the Force again. For too many years he tamped down his gifts, denying who he was.
Leaning down she lightly bit the sensitive skin at the crease of his neck and shoulder, eliciting a gasp of surprise from him, which made her smile wider. Didn't "see" that coming, did you? she thought, amused.
Kanan's hand slid down her back and squeezed her bottom as he growled, "Don't start anything we don't have time to finish."
"You think you can go again for two hours?" she laughed.
"Wanna try me?"
She kissed the grin on his lips, then smacked his shoulder lightly and reluctantly levered herself from the bed. "Not without substantial sustenance."
His stomach grumbled in response and he sighed and nodded.
Walking side by side, bumping lightly against each other, they entered the galley to find Ezra draining a cup with a burp.
Hera gave him a look until he dropped his eyes and mumbled, "Excuse me."
Giving him an indulgent smile and rub of her hand over his head, she went to the food stores to begin rummaging for something to eat.
"Kanan, can I ask you something? In private?"
Feeling his eyes on her, Hera said, "Go on. I'll have something ready when you come back."
Kanan trained his senses on the rooms on the ship before asking, "The lounge is empty. Is that private enough?"
"Yeah."
A minute later, seated on opposite sides of the gaming table, Kanan sent Ezra a questioning look. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no. I've been reading some of that Jedi lore you gave me, and I have some questions. They're...um...kind of personal?"
Kanan frowned at the confusion and weird feelings coming from his Padawan, but nodded in encouragement. "Go ahead and ask."
"Well, I came across something about Jedi not getting attached to people and, well, it was vague, but I figured it meant not having a girlfriend or wife or, y'know, that kind of thing."
"Oh." Thinking for a few minutes, remembering his lessons on that subject, Kanan rubbed his fingers along the seams of his trousers as he searched for a good way to put this. Figuring a good place to start was to confirm what Ezra was thinking, he asked, "So, this is about my relationship with Hera?"
"Yeah. I mean, you guys aren't obvious, but you kind of remind me of how my parents were together."
That was a pretty high compliment and Kanan found himself smiling in pleasure. They'd come a long way. But, slowly the smile faded. This was a touchy subject, but an important one to the man and Jedi Ezra was becoming.
"It was what I was taught by my Master," he said softly, his memories both warm and painful. "You know I hadn't finished my training when the massacres happened, but that was a vital lesson. For a thousand years it was believed that caring too deeply, loving, was a distraction to a Jedi Knight. As our Force sensitivity isn't always tied to genetics, there's no need for us to have children to pass on the gifts. Families, spouses, pull us from our responsibilities to the galaxy, so, over time, they were, well, not forbidden, but more discouraged. It's one of the reasons that most Force sensitives were taken into the Temple at a young age, before they could form intense attachments to their parents and siblings. As you know, the training of a Jedi is a long, hard process. At least for most." He shot Ezra, the most gifted force user he'd ever known, a self-deprecating smile.
"Okay, I can see that. I've read some of the training accounts. Years of learning, keeping focused on that over family. Wasn't it hard, though? I mean, losing my parents was so hard. Being taken from yours, never seeing them again, how, I mean, why? Why would anyone do that?"
"Because the Jedi were important. We were needed, vital even, to maintaining peace. Until we failed," Kanan added sadly. "Selfish desires were trained out of us. It helped, Ezra, it really did even though I can feel how confusing you're finding it."
"You're with Hera, though."
"Because the galaxy has changed. The Jedi Order is gone, only scattered Force sensitives and the rare Knights surviving in hiding. Rebuilding the Order may someday be possible, but it probably won't be with the same rules and strictures. We stopped being adaptable. We stagnated. That can't happen again. And, my training came to a sudden halt and I ran and hid for years. Until you fell into my life, I denied what I was. I put away the lightsaber and took up a gun. I wasn't a Padawan. I was never going to be a Knight, let alone attain the level of Master. There was no need to follow rules for an Order that no longer existed."
He took a deep breath. "So, I allowed myself to fall in love, and I realized it wasn't a distraction or an issue at all. When I started using the Force again, it was easy and comfortable, and maybe my feelings for Hera made me even stronger and better at it."
"So, hypothetically, I can...?"
Grinning, Kanan rose to his feet and leaned over the table to rub his hand over Ezra's head, making him grumble and protest. "You can do anything you want as long as you keep up with your training and a girl or boy doesn't become a distraction from that. It took me a long time, but I finally realized a part of the Force, maybe a large part, is love. The Jedi Order forgot that. It wasn't infallible. In the end, it was made up of people, not strictures."
"Okay, um, thanks. That helps, and...I'm glad you and Hera found each other."
"Me, too, kid."
As Kanan left to see what Hera had made for their meal, Sabine slipped past him and plopped down in his empty seat.
"Sooooo, you got your eye on anyone in particular?"
Ezra felt his cheeks heat. "When would I have time to meet anyone?"
"Where there's a will, there's a way," she quipped, grinning, before hitting the switch to turn on a game. "Meanwhile, let's see if you can beat me this time."
"You're on!"
In the galley, Hera set down two plates just as Kanan reentered the room. "Everything all right?"
"Yeah. He wanted to know about the Jedi rules against emotional attachment." Sitting, he took a sip of ale.
"I'm so glad you got over that."
Smiling at each other, they clinked glasses and dug into their meals.
End