Chapter Text
Branzy had been looking forward to this trip ever since his friends first started talking about organizing it, and now that it was here, it was so much more fun than he actually expected it to be. It was only day one, and yet it felt like so many things had happened already. They haven't even gone to the beach yet! And they were staying here for a full week! It was going to be exhausting, he could already tell, but it would be so worth it.
A full week at the beach with his friends, away from all their jobs and classes and responsibilities, just a place they could all have fun for a bit. Yeah, he was looking forward to it.
Well, he was, up until it was time for everyone to go to sleep.
He had been happy at first about getting a room to himself in the beach house they were all staying at. It's not that he would've minded sharing a room with someone else (specifically one person in particular), but he was definitely glad he didn't have to. He liked his privacy, after all. But now that he was laying alone in bed in the silent room, he was having second thoughts.
His lack of sleep the previous night was apparently coming to bite him in the ass, as instead of making him pass out like he hoped it would, it instead lead to his paranoia becoming stronger than normal, to the point he couldn't sleep. There was a permanent dread and unease sitting heavy in his chest, breaths quick and body tense. He felt like a prey animal who knew danger was lurking nearby, ready to run, ready to flee, unable to relax or calm down because it knows it's not safe here. He was stuck laying curled up in bed with his eyes screwed shut, blanket pulled up over half his head, absolutely terrified of what he'd see when he'd open his eyes.
There would be someone standing over his bed, he just knew it. A robber, an intruder, a murderer- hell, maybe even a ghost or a demon, if those were real. Something would be looming over him, standing off in the corner in the darkness, watching- waiting. Something was going to hurt him. Someone was going to hurt him. He was in danger. He needed to run. He needed to hide. He needed to not be here right now. He needed-
With an exaggerated huff, Branzy threw the blanket off of his head and forced his eyes open. His heart jumped in his throat, panic shooting through his veins at the action, but he forced himself to look around the dark room anyway. And, exactly as he expected, it was empty. There was no one in his room, no one watching him, the window was covered and the door was closed- there was no one here. Despite that, though, his brain still tried to convince him otherwise. Tried to claim there was someone waiting for him to peek out his window, someone breaking into the house- maybe they were already inside and sneaking around, robbing them, getting ready to murder everyone-
Branzy slapped both his hands on his face and groaned. Yeah, he was not going to be able to sleep like this.
There was no way for him to logic the paranoia out. His brain would not listen to reason, instead somehow dead set on Branzy being in danger that he couldn't escape from, body stuck in permanent flight mode as it told him to run, told him to stay, that he'd be in danger as soon as he left this room but that he was already in danger just by being here. But there was nothing to run from, and not even any reason he had to feel unsafe. He was in a house full of other people, dammit! He should feel so safe and secure right now! But his brain just would not listen to him!
He needed to do something. Sleep was clearly not happening as it was, and despite being very much sleep deprived, he felt so full of pent up energy that he couldn't lay still anymore. He couldn't keep laying in bed like this, he needed to get up and do something.
What he really needed was to not be alone right now. That would be the best way to deal with the paranoia, to have someone else to help ground him in reality. Someone to ease the crawling up his back and distract him, someone else to turn to and check in with when his brain gets convinced it heard or saw something. Someone that would ensure that he at least wouldn't be alone if they did get attacked or something. Except, Branzy was one of the last two people to turn in for the night, which meant that everyone else was definitely asleep by now.
Fuck.
Going against what his paranoia wanted him to do, Branzy forced himself up, crawling out of bed. He whipped his head around, keeping a close eye on his surroundings and making sure there really wasn't anything about to jump out at him, and he slowly opened the bedroom door. As soon as he peered into the hallway, another spike of anxiety shot through him, and he found himself frozen behind the door for at least a minute.
He can do this. All he needed to do was walk through the house and see if anyone was somehow still awake. And hopefully that "anyone" would be one of his friends and not a stranger. Or a ghost. And he can confirm that the house is, in fact, still safe while he's at it. It shouldn't be that hard or scary, everything was fine. There was no need to panic. No need to freak out or worry that much. He would've heard something if there really was someone in the house, wouldn't he?
He looked behind him, scanning his room once more, before finally stepping out into the hall. His heart dropped as soon as he was out in the open like this, panic clawing up his throat, and he darted his head around just to be sure no one was staring at him. He didn't see any lights on, not under the cracks of the doors or down the hall where the kitchen and living room were. He was probably the only one awake. It was pretty late when he went to bed, and he doesn't know how long it's been since then, so everyone was probably fast asleep by now. Wonderful.
Then, his eyes caught the large, uncovered windows in the living room, well within his line of sight, and he froze. A chill ran down his spine as dread pooled in his stomach. God, windows were the worst, they were always the worst. He was sure that if he kept staring out of it he'd see someone staring back at him. Watching him. Waiting. He swallowed and ducked behind one of the tables in the hall.
Okay, he was out of his room, he didn't hear anything and all the lights were off. And he was currently hiding from an open window, too. What was he gonna do now? He knew from experience that trying to go back to sleep like this wouldn't do him much good, so maybe he should just go back to bed and scroll on his phone until morning. He could last a night without sleep, right? Not like he hasn't done it before.
As he was contemplating his options (or, more accurately, trying to build up the courage to duck his way back into his room, which wasn't even that far away), a sound and movement made him jump and he nearly bumped his head against the table. Almost.
The door across from his had opened, and he blinked at the figure now standing in the doorway. The light in the room was off, the house was dark, but Branzy's eyes were already adjusted to the darkness, so even through his hyperactive brain, he knew who he was looking at. Both a wave of relief and hot embarrassment ran through him at getting caught like this.
"Branzy?" Clown, of all people who could've caught him, asked, looking down at him. Details were hard to make out in the dark, but Branzy thought he looked some mix of amused, concerned, and confused. Branzy swallowed and stood up, unable to stop himself from glancing over at the living room area, looking out the window to make sure no one was on the other side of it.
"H-hey, Clown," Branzy couldn't make himself sound as cheerful as he wanted to, voice instead coming out a bit hoarse from lack of sleep. He cleared his throat. "What- um, what are you doing awake?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Clown responded, stepping out of his room fully and leaving the door ajar behind him. His long, black hair was down, falling past his shoulders and slightly frizzy, but not quite messy. His face was free of his normal medical face mask, allowing Branzy to see the full beauty of the man now in front of him (it might not have been anywhere near the first time he's seen Clown's full face, but it still made his heart flutter every time). Branzy should probably be more flustered about the fact that those were the first thoughts to pop into his head upon seeing Clown right now, but he was honestly just relieved to have something aside from the paranoia to focus on.
Paranoia, which, Branzy wasn't quite sure he wanted to admit to having right now.
"Y-yeah, I guess I just... couldn't really sleep, you know? New place, first night, kinda hard to relax," he lied. His paranoia had nothing to do with it being a new place, but he could pretend, even if he felt a bit bad about lying to Clown. Clown nodded.
"Yeah, I get that. It's hard for me to sleep in new places too. As you can probably guess," his lips twitched up into a small smirk as he said that, motioning towards himself. Branzy laughed, feeling high on sleep deprivation and anxiety.
"I guess we're both in the same boat then."
"Guess we are," Clown agreed, before glancing down at the table next to Branzy. He tilted his head. "What were you doing crouched down there?"
Branzy's heart stopped, and a different kind of anxiety than the paranoia shot through him. He swallowed and looked down at the table, trying desperately to come up with an excuse for his weird behavior.
"Uh- just- uh, looking around, you know? S-since I couldn't really sleep, I thought I might as well look around the place a bit. Maybe getting to know this place better will put my mind at ease, or- or something," he tried, weaving in a hint of truth into his lie. The best lies are told from partial truths, or something like that. He just sincerely hoped Clown wouldn't think any less of him for something as embarrassing as this.
"So, what, you're inspecting the furniture too while you're at it? You were real up close and personal with that table when I saw you," Clown smirked, and god, did that expression do things to Branzy. He felt heat rise to his cheeks, though for more than one reason. He tried to laugh off his embarrassment.
"I-I mean, so what if I am? I gotta know if 4C's cousin has good taste in- in tables, or not. Not like I'm doing anything else at the moment," he joked, and was relieved when Clown chuckled.
"Whatever you say, Branzy Craft," he hummed, before starting down the hall towards the kitchen. Branzy stood frozen in place as he watched, before shifting his weight between his feet. Should he follow? Would that be weird or annoying? Did Clown want to be alone right now? Branzy didn't want to be alone, not now that he knew someone else was awake. He already didn't get much sleep before coming here, he was already tired, he doesn't want to pull an all-nighter if he really doesn't have to.
Hesitantly, he followed Clown, trying desperately to ignore the way his skin crawled at the action of walking even closer to the uncovered windows and into more open, visible space. He forced himself to take a deep breath as he stopped near the entrance of the kitchen, watching as Clown filled the electric kettle with water before turning it on. The taller man turned and leaned his back against the counter, crossing his arms as he stared back at Branzy. Branzy thinks he would much rather deal with the anxiety of trying to figure out what Clown was thinking than the paranoia still crawling up his back.
"Did something happen?" Clown suddenly asked, breaking Branzy out of the trance he didn't even realize he was in. God, he was so tired.
"What- uh- what?" he asked, blinking. He realized now the furrow in Clown's brow and the slight frown on his lips.
"You seem... off. Like, not just 'can't sleep' off, but like something is wrong," Clown explained, tilting his head slightly. Some nauseating mix of warmth and nervousness swelled through Branzy, and he swallowed.
"Uh- nope! Nothing happened, just- uh- tired, but can't sleep. Kinda annoying, you know?" Branzy hastily replied. He was unable to stop himself from looking away, which then led to his eyes once again wandering to the window still within view, and he found himself stepping closer to Clown before he could even think about it. Unease crept uncomfortably through his entire body.
"Really?" Clown questioned, raising a brow at him. "The lack of sleep is the only reason you look about ready to bolt out the door right now, is it?"
Branzy snapped his gaze back to Clown, freezing in place and feeling thoroughly caught.
"Um-"
"Branzy," Clown stopped him. "Listen, you don't have to tell me what it is if you don't want to, but I also don't want you lying to me, alright?"
Branzy nodded, head dropping as he looked at the floor. He fidgeted with his hands.
"I-I know, sorry, I don't mean to lie to you, it's just... it's just something really stupid," he muttered.
"Not if it's keeping you up like this, it's not," Clown countered easily. Branzy let out a bitter laugh at that.
"Oh, no- no, it is pretty stupid. And annoying. I just..." he trailed off, words dying in his throat. The kettle was boiling now, and he heard the sound of Clown opening and closing a cupboard. He looked back up to see the taller man place two mugs on the counter and put a tea bag in both of them, before filling them both with the hot water. Branzy watched blankly, before Clown turned back around holding both mugs.
"C'mon, Branzy. Unless you want to spend the rest of the morning alone?" Clown tilted his head. Branzy's heart jumped in his chest.
"I- o-okay."
Clown walked past Branzy and Branzy followed him back to his room. The taller man pushed the door open with his foot and walked in, Branzy stepping in and deciding to fully close the door behind him, feeling his shoulders ease up a bit. He watched Clown place one of the mugs on a nightstand next to the bed, before walking around to the other side and placing the second mug on the other. He sat on the bed, on top of the sheets, and leaned against the headboard, before looking back at Branzy and patting the empty space next to him.
Branzy nearly immediately (and hopefully not too eagerly) walked over, sitting next to Clown on the queen size bed. Clown looked at him almost expectantly.
"So... you said it was something 'stupid'?" he questioned, to which Branzy quickly averted his gaze. He brought his knees up to his chest, stomach churning unpleasantly. At least now, though, in the presence of Clown in the closed room, the paranoia faded to somewhere in the background. Still more noticeable than normal, but not nearly as consuming as before. Might as well be honest. He took a deep breath.
"Yeah... it's- um, sometimes, when I'm like, really tired or something, I start to get really paranoid over nothing. Like, it'll feel like there's someone or something watching me, or that someone is gonna break in and- and hurt me, or something. I know it's not real, I know that I'm- I'm fine, and that nothing will actually happen, but it's really difficult to try and calm myself down when it gets this bad. Usually my only options are to either stay in bed and hope I eventually pass out, or to just give up and keep myself awake on my phone or something, and just wait it out until morning."
Branzy saw Clown nod along in his peripheral, but still didn't turn to look at him, even after he finished. Clown waited until he was sure Branzy was done.
"Is there anything I could do to help?" he asked. Branzy's heart jumped into his throat, and he swallowed.
"Um, just not being alone helps, usually," he admitted. Clown nodded, before surprising Branzy by bumping his shoulder with his own.
"Well, looks like you're staying the night with me, huh?" Clown grinned, Branzy finally looking over at him. To his surprise, Clown didn't look weirded out or bothered by that idea, instead looking like his usual smug self. Branzy's anxiety still got the better of him.
"I-I mean, only if you don't mind."
"Of course I don't mind, Branzy. I woulda kicked you out otherwise," Clown responded, his expression softening to something warmer as he looked back at Branzy. Branzy's breath hitched at the sight, and he felt his body easing under his gaze. He offered a tired smile to Clown, and Clown smiled back. "Now, you were, what, the first person aside from 4C to get here? Why don't you tell me about everything that happened before I got here?"
Branzy welcomed the obvious change in subject, perking up at the question. "Oh, you didn't miss much, you didn't come much later than everyone else did," he answered, before pausing in thought. "Although, actually, now that I think about it-"
It was always so easy, talking to Clown. Normally, Branzy would be self conscious about his tendency to ramble and inability to shut up, and he still was, but Clown always urged him to continue. He was always so attentive, nodding along and making comments here and there that assured Branzy he was still very much listening. Branzy started with catching Clown up with what he had missed earlier, before he quickly got sidetracked and started talking about more and more things. Not once did Clown try to shut him up or tell him to stop, or even show he was annoyed or uncomfortable. In fact, he joined in with his own stories and opinions. It was nice.
Branzy's body and mind eased as he and Clown talked and talked, the legs that were up to his chest straightening out in front of him as he leaned against the headboard. It didn't take long at all before he felt his eyelids grow heavy, and he started having to force himself to stay awake as Clown started doing more of the talking. The paranoia still creeping up his spine was soothed by Clown's voice, always calming and pleasant to listen to. No matter how invested he was in Clown's words, Branzy was finding it harder and harder to stay awake.
It got so bad, in fact, that he did close his eyes, and his head leaned against something. He didn't realize what it was until Clown choked on his words and he paused, so Branzy finally opened his eyes. And- oh. Branzy was leaning his head against Clown's shoulder. Oops.
Branzy felt his cheeks heat up, and he was about to sit up and apologize, before Clown continued talking like normal and actually grabbed Branzy's hand. Branzy was frozen for a moment, before he carefully intertwined his fingers with Clown's, and felt a spark of warmth in his chest when Clown squeezed his hand. A lovesick grin was definitely creeping onto his face, and he didn't have the energy to even try to hide it. Thankfully, Clown couldn't see it, so he got to keep his definitely-not-a-crush on the other man a secret for another day.
His eyes slipped shut once again as he allowed himself to relax against Clown, Clown resting his head against Branzy's at some point too. This was beyond nice, actually, Branzy wishes they could stay like this forever. Clown's voice was like a soothing lullaby, even if he wasn't singing, and his hand and shoulder were warm and comforting and did wonders for fighting against the paranoia still in the corners of Branzy's mind. He could absolutely fall asleep like this.
His peace was disturbed when suddenly he was jostled and something poked into his side.
"Branzy," Clown's voice was clear, and the simple calling of his name made Branzy realize he absolutely was falling asleep like this. He opened his eyes and forced himself to sit up, instantly missing Clown's warmth as soon as he did. They were still holding hands, though, thankfully.
"What?" he asked groggily, attempting to clear his throat in an effort to get rid of the obvious tiredness in his voice. "S-sorry."
"Are you ready to go to sleep?"
"N-no, no, it's fine, you can keep talking."
Clown giggled. "I think we both need to go to sleep right now, Branzy. I don't think this can even be considered night anymore, I'm pretty sure it's just morning."
Branzy frowned, anxiety swirling in his gut. "Can I- um, would you mind if I stayed here?"
"Was that not already the plan?" Clown asked, seemingly amused as he turned his head to look at Branzy. Branzy looked back at him and blinked.
"...was it?"
"Yes, Branzy, it was," Clown laughed, something beautiful and melodic. "I think this bed is big enough for us both, what do you think?"
"Y-yeah, probably," Branzy answered a bit plainly, brain barely able to conjure up words with how tired he was at this point. Clown smiled at him, which summoned all sorts of butterflies in his stomach.
"Then let's lay down and go to sleep already."
Branzy obeyed easily, the only part he didn't like being letting go of Clown's hand as they both tucked themselves under the sheets. As soon as his head hit the pillow, his eyelids closed, and he let out a long breath as he relaxed into the mattress. Clown shifted next to him and Branzy decided to open his eyes again to look at him. Clown was already looking back at him, expression unreadable, and they both found themselves just staring at each other silently for a few long moments.
"Do you feel any better, Branzy?" Clown asked softly. Branzy blinked, the question processing slowly in his half asleep brain.
"You mean the paranoia?" he questioned. Clown nodded in response. "Yeah, I do. I mean, it's not gone completely, but I'm also too tired at this point to really care about it anymore."
"Well, if you still can't sleep, I've been told I'm a pretty good cuddle buddy, just saying," Clown joked with a grin. At least, Branzy was pretty sure it was a joke. Maybe. His chest still flooded with warmth as his heart jumped at the offer, and his throat tightened. He stared at Clown, contemplating, fighting and losing the battle in his head as his hopes and desires got the better of him.
"Well, I mean... if you're offering, there's only one way to put that to the test, right?"
Branzy wasn't sure if he should regret those words or not, especially as Clown stared back at him silently. His expression was hard to read, studying Branzy with an intensity that Branzy couldn't tell was good or bad. Finally, he spoke, seeming careful with his words.
"Yeah, I guess you'll have to find out for yourself, huh?" he said, before slowly raising his arm up in invitation. "Come here, Branzy~."
Oh. Oh, this was actually happening, was it? Branzy's heart jumped as warmth and anxiety filled his body, and after hesitating for only a moment, he finally moved. He wasn't sure if Clown meant for it to only be a joke, but Branzy was nothing if not an opportunist, and he was absolutely not going to let this chance to cuddle with Clown pass him by. He scooted closer to him, both of them reaching out to each other and pulling them closer until they were flush against each other.
And god, was Clown so warm. Warm and comforting and wow, was this so much better than how Branzy imagined it would be. Both of Clown's arms wrapped securely around him, his strength obvious in his hold and feeling so grounding. Branzy wrapped an arm around Clown as well, his other arm curled up between their chests. His head fit perfectly tucked under Clown's chin, and he shamelessly nuzzled into the taller man's chest. Clown, in turn, nuzzled his face into Branzy's hair as best as he could with the angle they were at.
Branzy felt his body relax, surrounded by Clown's warmth, the paranoia creeping up his back now nothing more than a mere suggestion, easily ignorable and insignificant. His pounding heart slowed, his eyes slipped shut and his breaths evened out. Yeah, he was not going to stay awake for much longer like this.
One of the hands on his back slowly crept up, past his shoulders and grazing his neck. Fingers carefully started carding through his hair, nails scratching lightly at his scalp, and Branzy didn't think it was even possible for his body to relax more than it already was. He leaned into the touch, letting out a long exhale as the tendrils of sleep started to claim him.
This trip was definitely going better than expected.