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[Heavy guitar riff starts playing]
Peachy: Hello! And welcome to Carry On Author! [Music fades out] I'm your host, PeachyHalloween, and today I'm here with...
WhoIPretended2Be: I am WhoIPretended2Be, but you can call me Britt or Pretender.
Peachy: Thank you so much for coming on the show today Britt! And for the listeners at home, what are your pronouns?
Britt: I use she/her/hers
Peachy: Thank you. Alright, so let's start at the beginning. What got you into fic writing and the fandom?
Britt: So, I've been in fandom generally for a really long time. I started off with a fandom that I [pause] don't mess around with anymore, for reasons of: the author turned out to be pretty terrible. Um, but I was on fanfiction.net and LiveJournal as a teenager. Um, I also was in Buffy for a little bit. Um, but I hadn't really been actively writing or reading fics for a number of years when I got into Supernatural, and then Destiel.
Peachy: And how long have you been in the Destiel fandom?
Britt: I started really getting into [pause] fanfiction probably around 2019. I read a LOT for a really long time. I think I started my first fic then in, like, 2021. I didn't finish it though until 2023. And so that... My first fic was Exit Strategy. Um, and then I just went back to reading for a while. Uh, real-life stuff happened. Um, but then, in 2024 the election happened, and so I started writing again as a alternative to doomscrolling. So if I was writing, I wasn't watching the headlines, and it helped me basically regulate myself.
Peachy: I imagine that election got a LOT of people back into the fandom. That Destiel meme was EVERYWHERE.
Britt: It's strange how much Destiel and politics have really become intertwined. And then... now that poor Destiel meme has become, like, breaking news for anything that happens.
Peachy: I have learned a LOT of current events from that meme!
Britt: Yeah, yeah, uh, we all have! Um, I don't know if that makes things better or worse, sometimes. But, uh, yeah, 2024 I started writing, um, and I went from "I occasionally write fanfiction," to "oh, this is a really significant part of my life now." Um, that just kind of happened.
Peachy: That's so cool to see how your relationship to fanfiction has changed over time. Now that you're doing it more, do you find that you have a specific writing process?
Britt: Um, so, I work from home, um, I have two monitors, um, so it's actually really nice where [pause] I have one screen where I can be writing and the other screen doing any kind of research that I need to do 'cause I'm always googling, or searching for really random things. Uh, and of course, there's that joke about everyone having an FBI agent - we are all out here throwing them for a loop, you know, searching for random things like, "how long does it take to dig a grave?" Um, but, yeah, I use two screens. I will listen to some music, but it needs to be instrumental. For some reason, if I am listening to something with lyrics, I find myself that I start typing the lyrics, so, I can't listen to anything with words. Um, but I like to have something to drink. Usually something hot, something cold. Uh, Big, big tea drinker.
Peachy: Oh my gosh, I absolutely do the same thing! Where if I listen to something with words, I just start [pause] typing the words of the song. What kind of tea do you like?
Britt: Uh, I like black tea. So I drink a lot of like Earl Grey, English Breakfast. Um, yeah but, uh, I... I'm gonna be honest, I... there's some things that I think are just me weird things. And then I talk to other people, or I put them in my fics, and I'll have someone comment on it, like "Oh my God, I do that, too!" And it always blows me away, so something like, "Oh, I type the words to the lyrics of the song I'm listening to." I was like "Oh, that's my brain being weird," but, no, I'm not alone.
Peachy: Yes! That's one of the great things about fanfiction, I think. And about being in the fanfiction community is learning that you are not alone.
Britt: No, whatever you’re doing, or however you’re doing it, there’s somebody else who is also doing it that way. Um, I went on this binge recently of asking lots of authors and artists questions and, I asked someone some kind of writing-related question and they said “oh, I’m kind of nuts, I’m kind of insane with how I write. I write, uh, things in order.” And I’m like, “Wait, what? That’s… isn’t that normal?” Like we all just assume whatever we are doing is, like, the normal way to do it. So that’s why I’m excited about this, because I get to learn about everyone else’s process, too.
Peachy: Yes, I just want to pick everybody’s brain. [Pause] Okay, and what fic are you going to be talking about in this episode?
Britt: So, we’re going to talk about “The Middle.” It is my, uh, most recently completed work-in-progress.
Peachy: And why that name?
Britt: So, the middle is this coming-of-age story, uh, it follows Castiel, um, for a number of years, beginning when he has just freshly turned eighteen. Um, and so, sometimes for me titles are REALLY hard. I tend to either struggle, or, like, they come to me really easily. The title actually comes from a Jimmy Eat World song “The Middle,” um, which is like one of those definitive songs associated with that era of, like, pop-punk music. And so, when I wanted to do a Emo Cas, uh, fic, I was like, “Oh, ‘The Middle.’”
Peachy: I actually love that song. For the longest time I didn’t know what they were saying, and then I looked up the lyrics [pause] eventually, and I was like, “Woah, that’s actually kind of profound.”
Britt: Yeah, and it’s funny because the idea was like, “I wanna do Emo Cas,” and then I was like, “Oh, it would be really fun to incorporate some music,” and in the process of thinking, “okay, what song would I wanna use, or what songs would I wanna use,” that’s where I got “The Middle.” And that really helped drive the idea of the story where it’s really Castiel in the middle of figuring out who he is. And so that's the ENTIRE thesis of the fic: just Castiel in the middle.
Peachy: And you made a playlist for this one, right?
Britt: I did! I did, um, so I threw each of the chapters, like, different songs are mentioned. I used chapter titles that are lyrics from songs, and so any song that was referenced, or bands that they talked about, I put it all in a playlist on Spotify. And I was actually delightfully surprised, like, a number of people listened to it and saved it. So it’s like, “Oh, so this is fun for me, but also hopefully fun for other people.”
Peachy: Oh my gosh, that’s so exciting! ‘Cause I know, a lot of the time, if you put in a playlist or whatever, people don’t listen to it, so it’s really cool that people actually sought this one out.
Britt: They did. I also plugged it each chapter, ‘cause I, I don’t know. It was fun.
Peachy: Yes! No, its fun to play along and, like, it sets, like, the vibe of what’s happening in the chapter.
Britt: Exactly. And, so, ya know, people were reading, I know some people really like to listen to music while they read, um, so if you were one of those kinds of people - there’s a playlist.
Peachy: I’m definitely one of those people that listened to the playlist! Not, like, while I was reading, but later I definitely went back and jammed out to songs I used to listen to in my youth. [Pause] Um, what, what sparked the idea? I know that you said you wanted to write about Emo Cas, but why? How did that come about?
Britt: So, I was preparing to write for the Castiel Big Bang, which is a bang that Avonlady runs. Um, it’s actually gonna be opening up again soon as a reverse bang here, I think, in August. But, I was spitballing ideas with, um, another friend of mine, Bethmints. And I told her, “I really wanna do Emo Cas.” Um, ultimately, I did not use this fic for the Castiel Big Bang, but, that’s where the idea came from. Um, but I just really liked the idea of, like, newly eighteen-year-old Castiel repeatedly hitting on Dean, who’s the bartender at the music venue, and Dean, just like, not really having it. So that’s the idea that kinda, like, stuck in my head.
Peachy: And WHAT an idea it is! [Pause] How did your ideas and concepts change throughout the process?
Britt: Umm…
Peachy: Or did they?
Britt: It definitely changed. Um [pause]. I [pause] will [pause] often start off with a really basic outline, and then, just not stick to it. Because, for me, it’s not about hitting the plot beats as much as, like, I want the characters to make sense. More than anything else, “Is this what this version of Dean or Cas would do next?” And if it’s not, then instead of fighting my characters, and forcing them to do what the plot requires, I’m just gonna follow them around. And so, there are definitely places, a LOT of places, where I ended up changing because I was like, “No, I actually don’t feel like Castiel would do that,” or, “No, I don’t think Dean would do that.” And so, I adjusted as I went. Um, one of the things I did do with this that was kinda fun for me, is I told myself from the very beginning, everything is going to take place at the music venue. So, the music venue is called The Bunker, and it’s where Dean works, where Castiel is going to visit, or see the shows, and everything that happens in the story has to happen at The Bunker. And, so, we can only learn about things if they are talked about, or thought about, or happen at The Bunker. And, so, because the location can’t change, any kind of growth or change has to be in those character moments, not in the setting.
Peachy: THAT is a VERY cool way to tell a story! And it really worked out in the fic! Also, I feel like a lot of authors can relate to the fact that sometimes these guys just write themselves.
Britt: Oh, man, one of the first big fics that I did, I ended up abandoning it for quite a while, because, like, I had my plot, and I was like “I need y’all to follow the plot!” And the more I made them follow the plot, the less it felt like them, the more out of character they felt, and I ended up scrapping like, something like, twenty thousand words of a fic, to, like, go in the direction the characters wanted me to go in. So, for me, that’s more important.
Peachy: Yes, absolutely! Okay, when you scrap words in a fic, do you keep them in a separate word document, so you can maybe use some of them later, or are they just done when they’re done?
Britt: I will occasionally keep them. Um, so I usually have like a separate tab. I usually call it, like, “My Graveyard,” and, so, I’ll plop them in there. I don’t usually reuse it, but, if nothing else, it’s kind of like a mental scrap book where I can go back and I can look and see, “Oh, here’s that thing that I was going to do.” Occasionally, I’ll pick up, some, like, dialogue, or, like, some descriptions and lift it and place it in other locations, but, normally once it goes to The Graveyard, it’s there.
Peachy: And what is your favorite part of the story you told?
Britt: So [pause] I [pause] wrote it from Castiel’s point of view to begin with. Like, originally, the entire story was from Cas’ point of view. But as I wrote it, you could tell a lot of the time what Dean is thinking, like, Castiel’s not great at it, but, like, as the reader, WE know what’s going on. Or can at least guess what’s going on in Dean’s mind. But I ended up, after I thought that I was done with it, going back and adding additional chapters in Dean’s point of view. So the, there’s a scene where, at the the very end, where Dean and Cas are sort of, um, reenacting their first meeting. And that part was always in the fic, but everything else that was Dean’s point of view, was added after the fact. And so, I ended up having a lot of fun with Dean’s point of view, after we have already seen Castiel’s.
Peachy: It was really enjoyable to jump in and see what’s going on, um, in Dean’s head after so long of seeing what was going on in Castiel’s.
Britt: Yeah, I really love playing with different character perspectives. Um, I think when you have a second character POV, that is just, like, the same situation, but just from their point of view, it’s not as much fun. But when you can completely upend the scene, and give it a lot more texture and meaning, because you’re seeing it now from this other character’s point of view, that, to me, is a lot of fun.
Peachy: I do love doing that too. Are there any other little details you’re proud of in the fic, or any Easter Eggs?
Britt: So, I had a lot of fun, trying to figure out what music they were going to be listening to. I spent probably too much time researching, like, “How big was this band in 2005?” Which is basically when I had the fic starting. And, so, it was fun to figure out, “Who could I use? Who, conceivably, would have been performing at a venue like The Bunker, and who would have been, like, too big?” Um, so, the music part of it was a lot of fun.
Peachy: Awesome! What do you wish someone would ask you about the fic?
Britt: Some of the things that I, I guess the question would be like, “What are you most proud of,” or, like, “What, like, brought you the most joy?” Which, I know you kind of asked already, but, like, one of the things that I really had fun with is showing how much Cas changes, while also not changing that much, like, chapter to chapter. Each chapter, there’s not that much change; you can see those little pieces, but then if you take a step back, you can see just, JUST how much he changes, from, like, the very beginning to the end. So, something that’s a big motif in the story is, like, the X’s on the backs of his hands, to signify that he’s under twenty-one. And, so, his feelings about the X’s on the first day, versus the second visit, and the third, and to the point where, at the end, he’s over twenty-one, but those X’s have become significant to him. And there’s a point where he signs something, where he signs it with the X’s, and, because those X’s have become really important to him.
Peachy: I really did like the way that you focused on the X’s, and how it does feel like a natural progression for a person. I know a lot of the time that can be really difficult, because we just want to get to the end result in a fic, but I think that you really did do a good job of, “okay, this is how he is today, this is how he is the next time that he comes in,” and making it feel really natural.
Britt: Thank you, I appreciate that! I try to balance it, like, I want there to feel like there’s forward momentum, like you’re not reading it, and it’s just the same thing over and over. And I think a lot of people are more than willing to stick around for a slow burn, but at the same time, I wanted to use little moments, and I did that with things like the X’s. Where, eventually, he just accepts the X’s, and he doesn’t care about them, and then we get to the point where “he actively hates them,” to “he misses them when they’re gone.
Peachy: That bit made Cas feel, like, human, because I am sure that we all have things like that in our life that we feel that way about.
Britt: Oh my God, yeah.
Peachy: We’re in the final stretch! Is there anything else you would like to talk about?
Britt: Uh, I think that’s all I have for “The Middle.”
Peachy: Sounds good to me. YOU should remind people how to find you.
Britt: So, I am WhoIPretended2Be, except that “to” is the number 2. I am on Ao3, and on Tumblr, just cut off the last “e,” and you can find me there as well.
Peachy: Is there anything else you wanna plug?
Britt: I have a fic coming up here in August, uh, for the DeanCasBDSMbang. And then I am doing a fic for the DeanCasHorrorFest that’ll happen in October as well.
Peachy: Those sound AWESOME! I CANNOT wait to read them and blow up your comment sections.
Britt: Thank you!
Peachy: Thank you so much for coming on the show today!
Britt: This was a lot of fun, thank you!
[Heavy guitar riff starts up]
Peachy: If you’d like to talk about one of your fics on the program, please send a message to, or leave an ask, on the Carry On, Author, Tumblr. There, you will find an FAQ, as well as links to other episodes and additional written interviews. Come join us on our Discord server for further discussions and to link one of YOUR fics in the promo tab. [Music fades out] I’ll catch you in the next episode! Until then, may your days be Peachy keen, Jellybean!
The Middle (39955 words) by WhoIPretended2Be
Chapters: 14/14
Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Characters: Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Winchester, Gabriel (Supernatural), Meg | Demon Possessing Meg Masters, Mick Davies, Jo Harvelle, Ash (Supernatural), Pamela Barnes (Supernatural), Max Banes, Alicia Banes
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Slow Burn, Emo Castiel (Supernatural), Bartender Dean Winchester, Age Difference, Dean Winchester is Older Than Castiel, Older Dean Winchester, Younger Castiel (Supernatural), age gap, Mutual Pining, Coming of Age, Found Family, Self-Discovery, Identity Crisis, Musician Castiel (Supernatural), Alternate Universe - Bands, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Happy Ending, Gay Awakening, Protective Dean Winchester, Teenage Castiel, Young Castiel (Supernatural), Years of Pining, Time Skips, One Location, Pierced Castiel (Supernatural), Early 2000s Emo Music, Alternate Universe - 2000s, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, temporary Castiel/other - Freeform, Castiel has a lip ring, Castiel has piercings, Pining Castiel (Supernatural), Pining Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining
Summary:
At eighteen, Castiel Novak thinks he’s an adult. The X’s on his hands at the music venue say otherwise. So does the bartender who shuts him down with, “I don’t think so, kid,” when Castiel asks for his number.
He keeps coming back anyway. For the music. Not the bartender, of course.
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