Work Text:
— 2017 —
Day 1
March 19: 5:00 p.m. Moscow
March 19: 10:00 a.m. Montreal
Jane: Hey I heard you didn’t travel with your team to Nashville
Jane: Is everything okay?
Jane: You don’t have to call me back
Jane: I just wanted to check on you
March 20: 1:00 a.m. Moscow
March 19: 6:00 p.m. Montreal
Sorry I did not text back
Jane: It’s okay you don’t need to apologize
Jane: Are you at home?
I am in Moscow
Jane: Oh
Jane: Did your father pass away?
Yes
Jane: Ilya
Jane: I’m so sorry
Is okay
It was a good death
Jane: Oh
Jane: Just because he wasn't nice? Or something else
No
Well yes that too
But I mean it was good death. Was not unexpected
Was the right time
And it was at home
Even though I was not at home
...
I think it was still a good death
Jane: I mean is there ever a “right” time?
Maybe not
Maybe is never natural
Jane: I’m sorry you couldn’t be there
Me too
But I could not
Jane: Yeah
Jane: When’s the funeral?
Is in three days
Is Russian tradition
Must let people pay their respects
Jane: Does that mean you have people with you?
Less than I think my father would want
But yes there are people
Svetlana is here too
Jane: Oh
Jane: well I’m glad you’re not alone
Yes something like that
…
Can you do me a favor?
Jane: yeah of course
Can you distract me?
What are you doing?
Jane: I’m at Hayden’s house. I’m babysitting their kids while they go out to dinner
Shane
I need pictures right now
Jane: That’s not a good idea
Jane: We don’t send pictures
Pleaaaase Shane
My father just died
Need photos
Is grief!
Jane: Jesus Christ
Yes he is dead too
Well…
Not anymore...
Jane: I didn’t realize you were religious
I am not
But my mother was
And funeral is very religious
So I have Jesus in my head
Jane: I think that makes you the perfect Christian, actually
Yes I am perfect saint
You know this hollander
I make so many people cry out to God
Jane: …
Jane: I have no idea what you mean
Sure you do not
I should ask you if you are religious
Have heard you call out to God so many times
Jane: Fuck off
Jane: Do you want the picture or not
Yessss
Is need
Will die without it
They bury me with my father
They will stop all the hockey clocks for me
Jane: Jesus that’s dark
Is my coping mechanism
Jane: good word
Picture of Shane holding Arthur
Shane
I make mistake
Jane: What?
Will not die without picture
Will die because of picture
😍😍😍
IS SO CUTE!!!
I die
You must give me mouth to mouth
Jane: Don’t make sex jokes in front of the children
You are not that innocent
You are cute
But not a child
I think you can handle it
Jane: 🙄
Jane: Do you want kids?
Are you offering?
Jane: Offering what?
To carry my child
Jane: Jesus fucking christ
Jane: I know you’ve been hit in the head too many times
Jane: But that’s really not how that works
It is how it works
If you try hard enough
And we will try so so hard
Jane: Wow
Jane: Okay. Ignoring that
Jane: but really have you ever wanted kids?
Jane: you seem like you would be good with them
I do?
Jane: yeah since you basically are a kid
Jane: always throwing tantrums
Only when people steal things that are mine
Jane: Like what?
The puck
…
You
Jane: Wow. I’m blushing
Picture?
Jane: No.
You are no fun
I think I would like kids
But I do not think I will have them
Jane: Why not?
I don’t know
I do not think I would be good with them
Jane: I really do think you would be a great dad
I think I have too much of my father in me
Too much of my mother too
Jane: What was your mother like?
I do not want to talk about her
I am thinking about her too much
She was funny
And kind
And beautiful
She was very sad
Jane: How did she die?
By accident
She accidentally swallowed a whole bottle of pills
Jane: Shit
Jane: I’m so sorry
Jane: That’s awful
Is okay
Anyway I do not think I should have kids
Jane: I disagree
Jane: But I do think you are like your mother
You do?
Jane: Yeah
Jane: You’re funny
Jane: And kind
Jane: And beautiful
And sad?
Jane: I think that’s allowed
Jane: You’re at a funeral
Jane: That’s always a good time to cry
I think I cry too much
I think I cry for wrong reasons
I do not cry for my father
Jane: I think that’s okay too
Jane: I don’t think it really matters what you cry about
Jane: Funerals aren’t really for the dead anyway
Yes they are
They are to help spirit move on
To honor them
Jane: Maybe
Jane: What are you crying about
I do not know
I think maybe I cry because my father was not proud of me
I think I hoped that he would be
Eventually
Even if it was because he forgot the reasons he was not
Jane: I’m so sorry
Is okay
Is not your fault
Jane: I’m proud of you
Jane: I’m so fucking proud of you
Jane: If that helps
…
You are bad at distracting
Jane: Sorry
You say sorry a lot
Jane: Sorry
Is okay
Jane: No it’s not. But it will be
Maybe
Jane: Isn’t it like 1 am there?
Yes but I cannot sleep
I have hot hockey player texting me
Jane: I didn’t know you and Hunter were that close
Funny
Jane: I try
Day 2
March 21: 2:00 a.m. Moscow
March 20: 7:00 p.m. Montreal
SHANE
SHANE
SHANE
SHAAAAAANE
I think there is mouse in my room
I can hear it
I can hear the little claws
Jane: What do you want me to do about it?
I need you to come find it
I think it is going to chew off my toes
I love my toes Shane
Cannot lose my toes
Jane: Tough
Jane: Losing your toes would also probably make you skate worse...
Jane: Which is hard to believe because you’re already so terrible at it
Wow
You laugh at my pain?
You laugh at my suffering?
Maybe the mouse chew off dick too
I know you love my dick
Jane: Fuck off
Jane: I hope it does chew your toes off
You always say such nice things to me
Jane: ...
Jane: You’re up late again
Yes because of mouse
Have you not been listening?
Cannot sleep with terrorist in room
Cannot do anything
Cannot negotiate with terrorists
Jane: I guess you’re doomed
Jane: nothing to be done about it
Anything you want to say before I die?
Any last words?
Jane: I think the person dying is usually the one with the last words
Shaaane please!
Is getting closer
Is under bed now
Jane: Well in that case
Jane: RIP Ilya Rozanov
Jane: Biggest asshole I ever knew
Jane: Thoughts and prayers etc. etc. etc.
You are not allowed to speak at my funeral
Terrible speech Hollander
Jane: …
Jane: What did you mean yesterday?
Jane: When you said they would stop all the hockey clocks for you?
Ah
In Russia when someone dies, we stop clocks in house
Is tradition
Jane: oh okay
Is probably why I cannot sleep
I never know what time it is
Jane: You have a phone
Cannot look at phone
Get distracted looking at picture of cute boy with cute baby
Jane: Wait did you save it?
Jane: You were supposed to delete it
Cannot help myself
Must look at it every time
Jane: When do you start the clocks again?
After funeral
Is hard sometimes
Jane: What do you mean?
I did not want to start them when mama died
Did not want more minutes to pass
But has to happen
Cannot keep staying up late
Cannot stop the hockey game for too long
Jane: …
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: I feel like we could stop it for a while
Wow
You would stop a hockey game for me Shane?
This is big for you
I am blushing
Jane: Picture?
Picture attached
Jane: Jesus fucking christ
Jane: You know I’m not really sure what I expected
Jane: I guess that’s on me
🤭
Jane: Are there other funeral rites that are different in Russia?
Yes many
We have lots of dinners on different days
I will stay for nine days after funeral for dinner
Will not go to the forty day dinner
We also eat Russian food
And throw sticks
Jane: Throw sticks?
Yes we will throw sticks when we go to cemetery
Jane: Why?
To block evil spirits
Jane: Huh
Jane: I didn’t know that
Of course you did not know
You live in past
In seven hours, when you are in my time
Maybe you will know
Jane: I don’t think that’s how time zones work
No
This is how it works
I am in the future
Jane: Wow
Jane: I can’t believe it
Jane: How’s the future looking?
Hmm
About the same
Jane: That’s kind of disappointing
I think it is good
Would be bad if there was alien invasion
Jane: Well then at least I would know
Jane: At least you could warn me
You stop alien invasion with seven hours?
Jane: No probably not
Jane: But at least I’d know
Jane: I could do something fun with my last couple of hours
What would you do?
Jane: …
Jane: You know, I don’t know
Jane: Maybe hang out with family? See my parents? I don’t know
I think you would play hockey
Jane: I’m not that obsessed
Shane.
Jane: Okay maybe I would play hockey
Jane: Maybe on the lake though if I could. If it’s cold enough
Tricky
I do not think aliens like the cold
Will probably invade in summer
Jane: Shit
Jane: I guess I’ll have to settle for the rink
I think I will play hockey too
Maybe I can play with you
Jane: Oh
Jane: That seems nice
So it is decided
Jane: Yes, if there is every an alien invasion, we’ll play a game of hockey together
Jane: Or any end of the world event really
Zombies
Jane: Nuclear war
Meteor
Jane: Volcano
Shane
I think you can escape volcano
Jane: Not the one in yellowstone
What volcano in yellowstone?
Jane: I don’t know it’s just big or something
Jane: I like the hockey idea
Jane: It’s a good way to go out
I will beat you
Jane: You wish
You should let me beat you
Will be the last hockey game
Would it be the end of the world if you let me win?
Jane: It literally would be yeah
Jane: …
Jane: We can throw our sticks on the ice after
??
Jane: To block evil spirits
Day 3
March 21: 12:00 p.m. Moscow
March 21: 5:00 a.m. Montreal
Jane: Hey I know the funeral is today
Jane: Just know I’m here for you
Jane: I’ll be thinking about you
March 22: 3:00 a.m. Moscow
March 21: 8:00 p.m. Montreal
Thank you
I was thinking about you too
Jane: Was it terrible?
Yes
It was
Jane: I’m so sorry
Was also weird. Was weird to see casket close
I did not think that would be so hard
Was not as hard with mama
Jane: Why?
Because she was not there
She looked too different
Jane: What made her look different?
I do not know
She was calm
She looked peaceful
Jane: Your father didn’t look peaceful?
No they made his face look strong
I hope my face does not look like that when I die
Jane: What would you like it to look like?
I don’t know
Maybe just peaceful like my mother
Maybe wearing a Raiders jersey
The away game one though
Should always wear white
Jane: Oh I read that
Jane: That’s another Russian thing, right?
Yes
You read it?
Jane: Yeah I was just googling Russian funeral stuff
Jane: I wanted to see if there was anything I could do from here
Jane: I hope that was okay
…
Is okay Shane
Jane: Do you want to talk about it more?
Jane: I can call if you want me to
No is very late here
People are asleep
Jane: You’re not
No I am not
I sometimes do not like to sleep
Jane: Why not?
Because sometimes I do not want to live the next day
If I sleep, then tomorrow will start
If I never sleep, will not start
Jane: Seems like flawed logic
It is
But I think it is true every night
Until four in the morning
Then I realize I will soon have to wake up
Jane: What do you do when you have to sleep but don’t want to?
Mm depends
My mother used to tell me stories
Jane: What kind of stories
Stories from when she was a kid
Jane: …
Jane: Can I tell you a story?
Okay
Jane: …
Jane: I actually don’t have many that don’t involve hockey
Jane: Well…
Jane: Okay, well, did you know that when I was a kid, I was in my school musical?
Shane
This is the best thing I have ever heard
Did you sing
Jane: I did
😂😂😂
Oh my god Shane
But you cannot sing!!
Were you in the group?
Were you a tree?
Please tell me you were a tree
Jane: Fuck you I can sing a bit
No I have heard you
You cannot sing
Jane: When have you heard me sing?
In shower
In bedroom
🫦😩
Jane: Fuck off
What musical was it
Jane: Seussical
Jane: I was JoJo
I do not know this one
Please tell me you have picture
Picture attached
AAAHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAHHHHHH
SHANE
YOU ARE SO CUTE
OH MY GOD
Jane: Shut up
I NEED TO SQUEEZE LITTLE SHANE
Shane
I will print photo
Put in locket
Carry with me always
Jane: Gee you sure know how to make a guy feel special
Will find little photo of me
Put in locket with you
So that they can kiss in the locket
Jane: We’re literally children that’s so weird
We are literally not children
Is cute!
Jane: If you say so
I cannot believe you were in musical
You are so gay
Jane: ???
Jane: It was literally one musical
GAY 🫵📸
Jane: Fuck you
You wish
Because…
Jane: don’t say it
(you are super gay)
Jane: 🙄
Jane: I hate you
No you do not
Jane: Mm
Jane: I guess I don’t
Jane: Anyway, it was a lead role and everything. I had a solo
Jane: I think my mom has a recording of it somewhere
Jane: But you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands
Jane: …
Jane: wait was that insensitive
Jane: Sorry
Jane: you know what, no I’m not sorry you’re never getting that recording
Jane: ...
Jane: Ilya?
Jane: Did you fall asleep?
Jane: …
Jane: Goodnight Ilya
Day 4
March 23: 4:00 a.m. Moscow
March 22: 9:00 p.m. Montreal
Shane
What are you doing
Jane: Jesus fucking christ
Jane: How are you still awake??
Jane: Go. To. Bed.
No
Do not want to
Jane: Ilya
No you cannot make me
You are not my dad
He is dead
Jane: wow
Jane: dark
Okay you can be my new dad
Will call you daddy 🤩
Jane: …
Jane: I really really hate that
Jane: Please don’t call me daddy while you talk about your dead dad
I am sorry
You are right
I am the daddy
obviously
Jane: That’s not really the correction I wanted
But is the correction you needed
Jane: You’re so fucking strange
You have dated stranger people
You dated Rose Landry
Jane: She’s not strange??
She is a movie star
Probably she does so many drugs
She lets the fame get to her
Fame has changed her
All her friends say this
Jane: And when were you talking to all her friends
We are now all facebook friends
We have a group
The I hate Rose Landry group
Jane: She’s really great actually
😒
…
…
Jane: …
Jane: Did you fall asleep?
No I had to go text the group
Had to go vent
I hate her more tonight for some reason
Jane: Maybe you’ll feel different in the morning
Jane: How about you sleep on it
Nice try Shane
I cannot sleep
The darkness is my ally
Jane: Jesus
Jane: Have you started reading sad poetry or something?
Yes
Is called the Dark Knight Rises
My favorite poem
Jane: I’ll have to read it
Yes
Cannot believe you have not
I cry every time
Jane: I just looked it up
Jane: You’re a fucking asshole
Is not my fault you live in cave
…Just like batman
Jane: 🙄
Jane: Wait you said I’ve dated stranger people
Jane: Does that mean that we’re dating?
I do not know
Are we?
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: I’ve only ever really dated two people
Who was the other one?
Jane: My high school girlfriend Jessica
Jane: We broke up after the draft
Did not want her to mess up hockey career?
Jane: No
Jane: I mean isn’t it pretty obvious what happened?
Well obviously you are gay
Jane: Obviously
But you did not know you were gay
Jane: sure
Jane: but I was thinking about someone else too much
Someone else?
Maybe someone you see at the draft?
Jane: Maybe
🥰🥰
Jane: What can I say, Korogyi really made an impression on me
😒
Very funny
You can say it was me
Jane: I don’t know…
Jane: He’s pretty good at hockey
Jane: I mean he did get third in the draft
But I got first!
Admit it. It was me
Say it.
Jane: hmm I don’t know, you’ve really fallen off in recent years
Jane: You had such potential…
Jane: What a shame
You are so mean to me Shane
Do it again
Jane: Fuck off
😩🫦
Jane: you’re absurd
No you are absurd
Cannot even admit that I made you break up with girlfriend
Is okay
I will know
Will dream about it
Will think about it so hard
So so hard Shane
Jane: Jesus fucking Christ
So. Hard.
Jane: Too bad you can’t dream without sleeping
I can
I am very talented
Have good imagination
Are you imagining me Shane?
Jane: I’m imagining you sleeping
…
Not very sexy Hollander but it will work for now
Jane: Good luck
Jane: …
Jane: Have you ever dated someone?
Mm
I think no
What does it mean to date someone anyway
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: Maybe you’re just committed to them? And you care about them?
Committed how?
Jane: Oh
Jane: I don’t know. It’s just like being loyal to someone
Jane: Like being tied to them
Ah
Well then I have not dated someone
I have cared about some people
I have been loyal to some people too
But I do not think I have been both
And I have only been tied to one person
Jane: Just one?
Yes just one
Cannot seem to get rid of them
Always there
Always text me late at night
Jane: or early in the morning
Yes
Or early in the morning
Day 5
March 24: 5:00 a.m. Moscow
March 23: 10:00 p.m. Montreal
You finish playing game?
Jane: Yeah I just got home
Jane: Did you watch it?
Yes
Almost fell asleep watching
Was so boring
Jane: yes and you seem very very asleep right now
Yes I am texting with my eyes closed
Im veryasd veryoiwer asleeapoidfaijdsep
Jane: Ha. Ha.
Are you okay after hit?
Jane: Yeah I’m fine just a little bruised
Jane: nothing you haven’t done to me outside of a game
Whoaaaa
You have jokes now?
You know about sex?
Who told you
Jane: A bird and a bee.
I cannot believe this Hollander
Do not tell me you have had sex too??
Jane: Unfortunately
SHANE NO
This is terrible
You used to be so pure…
Jane: Hysterical
Jane: I’ll never do it again, I swear
Jane: No sex from here on out
…
Okay joke over.
You are very sexy
Everyone says this
Do not stop having sex
Jane: Hmmm…
Jane: I don’t know, I might have to
Jane: The person I want to have sex with is miles and miles away
Does not have to be
Could be on plane right now
Jane: No, no
Jane: please don’t leave for me
I want to
Would leave for you
Would not be hard
I want to do it every day
Jane: ...
Jane: I want you here too
Jane: But you should probably stay
Jane: At least until day nine
I think my father’s spirit will make it to hell with or without me
Jane: I think you’ll regret it if you do
Jane: I think you’ll feel guilty about it
Maybe
I think I will feel guilty no matter what
I will stay though
But I wish I was there with you
Jane: I wish you were here with me too
I am sitting in my old room right now
In my family house
I am not sure when it stopped being home
Jane: When did it feel like home?
I do not know. I cannot remember
Jane: Where is home now
I do not know
Maybe Boston
Maybe it is with a terrible hockey player with a bad backhand
Jane: Fuck you
Where is home for you?
Is Montreal or Ottawa?
Jane: mm bit of both I think
Jane: Maybe it is with an asshole who wears way too much cologne
I think you like it
I will send you bottle
You can spray it on your pillow
Jane: yeah right
Okay
Will spray it on for you
You have so many pillows
Will make sure to do them all
Jane: Wow how considerate.
Anything for you 🥰
...
Want to watch a movie with me?
Jane: What now?
Jane: are you just not going to sleep?
Mm maybe
Come on I want to watch movie
Jane: Fine. What movie are we watching?
How about Furious 7?
Jane: Haven’t you seen that series a million times
Yes but I have not seen it a million and one times
The one is very important to me
Jane: Fine.
Jane: Hold on I need to rent it
No buy it
You will want to watch again and again
Jane: I’m going to rent it
Do not say I did not warn you
Do not say I did not tell you not to make bad financial decision
Jane: Okay I’ve got it pulled up
Jane: Ready?
Ready
Jane: …
…
Jane: Didn’t one of the actors in this movie die?
Yes. Paul Walker
They use his brothers as the body people
How do you say it?
The people who only do the body
Jane: Body double?
Yes body double
Hey Shane?
Jane: Hey Ilya?
When they make a movie about me
If I die while making it
Do not let Alexei be body double
Jane: Bold of you to assume they’re going to make a movie about you
Of course they will
Is great idea
Jane: What will it be about? Your hockey career?
Yes but
Will also be about how I seduce another hockey player
Will have lots of sex in it
Do not bring the kids
Jane: Damn and I was just about to
Jane: Hayden’s kids will be so disappointed
Shane be serious
I will not even let Pike see it
He will get all these ideas
Jane: What ideas?
About hot teammate
That he is in love with
Jane: Hayden is not in love with me Ilya
Why not?
Would make sense
You are very hot so
Jane: Are you trying to seduce me Rozanov?
Is it working?
Jane: no
Jane: I usually go for guys who jerk off at me in the shower
Ah
Will have to try that next time
Jane: Who do you want as your body double instead?
You
Will at least be not horrible at hockey
Jane: Awww. You think I’m not horrible
Do not get excited
Still a big gap between me and you
Jane: …
Jane: I might fall asleep during this movie
Jane: It was a long game
Noooooo
You barely played!
Jane: Fuck off I had the most ice time
Jane: Wait I missed the last five minutes can you tell me what just happened
Shane is fast and furious
They are in cars
Cars chase
Cars go fast
Jane: oh okay
I feel a little tired now too
Jane: Should we turn it off?
No I want to keep watching
Jane: okay
…
Jane: …
Asfj welkr lk
Jane: Foijwer werjl
……
Jane: ……
Day 6
March 25: 6:00 a.m. Moscow
March 24: 11:00 p.m. Montreal
Jane: JJ is pissing me off
Jane: He keeps trying to set me up with women
Jane: I just got back from a double date I didn’t realize I was going on
Are you trying to kill me Shane?
Why would you tell me this?
What is her name?
Need to make another group chat…
Jane: Yeah that’s the exact reason why I’m never telling you her name
Jane: Although I don’t think I know her last name…
But you do know her first name right?
Jane: of course!
Jane: I think so…
Jane: …
Jane: Well it was either Katie or Kaylee
Wow
Sounds like you are in love
Jane: We’re running away together
Jane: I’ll send you a wedding invite
Bad idea
I will object
Jane: That’s why you’re invited
Jane: I’ll need a getaway car
Good idea
I can drive very fast
Jane: oh you won’t be driving
What!
Why not!
Shane! Why will you not let me drive!
Jane: I know how you drive
Jane: Those fast and furious movies have gotten to your head
I thought you needed a getaway car!
I thought we were running away!
We need to go fast
Jane: No no
Jane: I’m running away with Katie
Jane: Or Kaylee
Jane: You’re my ride back home
Oh
Well then I will drive very slow
Take my time with you
Jane: What will we do while we drive?
Mm probably nothing
Jane: Sounds nice
Yes. Sounds nice
I would like doing nothing with you
Jane: What are you doing now?
Nothing
Jane: Okay
Jane: I’ll do nothing too
…
Jane: …
…
Jane: …
Is boring
Jane: Yeah it is
…
Jane: …
You are up late
Is very late for you
Jane: Yeah
Jane: Aren’t you also up late?
No I woke up early
Slept for many hours
Jane: Really?
Jane: I’m glad
Jane: You finally got tired?
Something like that
Felt like I could sleep for some reason
But I am still tired
Jane: Me too
Jane: I kind of like being tired with you
Jane: Even if they are different kinds of tired
I like being tired with you too
Jane: Maybe sometime we can share the same morning
Sounds nice
Jane: Yeah. Sounds nice
Jane: I think I’m falling asleep
Goodnight Shane
Jane: Good morning Ilya
Day 7
March 25: 7:00 a.m. Moscow
March 25: 12:00 a.m. Montreal
Jane: Oh my god I’m exhausted
Did you just get home from game??
Jane: Yeah
Jane: At least we won the shootout
Jane: But it shouldn’t have even gotten to that point
Did not look like your team was connecting
Jane: Yeah I don’t know. There was a weird energy
Jane: Felt like there was a block between all of our passes
You do not usually have this block
Jane: Yeah I know
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: I kept feeling like I was missing a winger
Jane: And obviously I wasn’t
Jane: But I kept looking at the wrong place on the ice
Jane: It just felt like there was supposed to be another person there
Jane: I don’t know. Is that stupid?
No I do not think it is stupid
I have felt this before
Jane: You have?
Yes
I think you will get over it
Jane: Maybe I don’t know. Doesn’t feel like it
…
Was the traffic bad?
It is very late after game
Jane: No, a couple of the guys wanted to go out and they asked me to go with
Jane: And I haven’t gone out with them the last couple of times so
Jane: I couldn’t get out of this time
Ah Shane Hollander is party animal now
Gets home at midnight
Sooo crazy
Jane: Oh come on, I’ve stayed up till midnight lots of times
When?
New Years Eve?
Does not count
Even children can stay up till midnight for New Years
Jane: Fuck you
Well at least we are in same day now
Happy March 25
Jane: Happy March 25
Jane: What are we celebrating?
Waffle day
Jane: ...is that real?
Google says is very real
Jane: Wow how exciting
Best holiday ever!!
Although now I am mad at you
Jane: Why??
You forgot waffle day
My favorite holiday 😔
You did not get me anything
Jane: You didn’t get me anything either
Yes but is not YOUR favorite holiday
Is MY favorite holiday
Jane: It could be my favorite. You don’t know
Yes because everyone knows Mr. only eats salmon and brown rice loves waffles
Is his biggest secret
Jane: Yeah, it is
Jane: Don’t tell anyone
Okay I will not
We have same secret so will be easy
Jane: Glad we’re on the same page
So how was it? You did not answer
Jane: The bar?
No the ball
You had to leave so your carriage does not become a pumpkin, yes?
Jane: I don’t know why I put up with you
Me neither
Jane: Oh
Jane: You made it sad
Is a talent
How was the bar?
Jane: It was fine
Jane: I had a beer and left
Whoa, one beer?
I will tell the press
They would be so excited to know
Jane: “Hollander: Hockey Hero or Hot Mess?”
“Shane Hollander is Wasted and Wild”
Jane: “Out of Control? Hollander Seen Struggling to Stand Outside Montreal Bar”
“A Cry for Help? Friends Worried Sick About Hollander”
Jane: Isn’t that a headline you once had?
Maybe
Do not know what friends though
Friends were just as drunk right next to me
Jane: Maybe it was me. Maybe I was worried sick about you
You were the person who said they “had never seen me like this”?
Jane: No
Jane: That wasn’t me
Jane: I’ve definitely seen you like that
You are stalker?
You are obsessed with me
Jane: Know your enemy
Ah and I am your greatest enemy
Your nemesis
Jane: Nemesis is a good word
I learn it just for you
Needed word to describe you
Jane: Not an arch nemesis?
No you are too boring for arch nemesis
Jane: Gee thanks.
Why did you leave bar so fast?
Jane: Mm I don’t know
Jane: Didn’t want to be there anymore
Jane: I wanted to go home
Couldn’t wait to text me?
Jane: …
Jane: yeah something like that
Oh
You could have texted me at the bar
Jane: I prefer talking to you at home
Jane: ...
Jane: How’s the morning looking over there?
Jane: Anything I should be prepared for?
Mm no
Sun is rising
Do not look at the sun
Will hurt your eyes
Jane: Why would I look at the sun?
Jane: I’m not that dumb
…
…
Jane: Shut up
I did not say anything!
Jane: Doesn’t matter
Jane: So the future is still looking good?
Mm yes
Nothing to worry about
Yet
Zombies will probably come soon
Jane: That’s too bad
No is good
Jane: ??
Is good because you have no brain to eat
Jane: And there it is
Jane: Got there eventually
We will do great with the zombies
They will not eat your brain
And so they cannot eat my heart
Jane: Oh
Jane: That’s kind of romantic of you
Well I am becoming stupid too
Your stupid is probably contagious
Starting to feel romantic about you
Jane: …
Jane: I think maybe that’s contagious too
Day 8
March 26: 8:00 a.m. Moscow
March 26: 1:00 a.m. Montreal
Jane: Hi
Hi
Jane: What are you doing rn
Drinking coffee
You?
Jane: Just lying in bed
Jane: I can’t go to sleep
Do you need me to tell you a story?
Jane: Probably
Jane: It would probably help
Okay I will think of one
…
Okay one time I was waiting outside of rink
I was trying to smoke
And this cute boy walked up to me
And told me not to smoke
Jane: Sounds like the responsible thing to do
Jane: Did you stop smoking?
No I did not
Jane: You should really stop
Jane: It will kill you
Yes I know
I think I will stop
Because a cute boy asked me to
Jane: What happens next
Jane: in the story
Mm the boy shook my hand twice
I think he liked me
I think this is why he shook it twice
Jane: Or he’s just polite
This is what everyone thinks
But I know better
He is an asshole
Jane: Well did you like the asshole back?
Yes I liked him very much
Is why I shook his hand twice too
Jane: I like this story
Jane: How does it end?
I do not know
Probably one of them dies
Jane: Oh
Jane: That’s sad
Is not sad
Is life
Jane: Life sucks
Yes. It sucks
...
I think I will die first
Jane: A good death or a bad death?
I think good death
I will look very hot when I am old
Need to show world how hot I am
Jane: I think you’ll go bald
SHANE
Do not say that
Do not even say the words
Jane: Too far?
Way too far
Far does not even describe it
Jane: I’m sorry
Jane: I’m sure you will be a very, very hot old man
Jane: I can’t wait
You can’t?
Jane: Yeah
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: I think it would be nice to be old with you
Jane: I mean I’d miss hockey for sure
Jane: But we could go to my cottage
Jane: Spend time next to the lake
Sounds boring
...
Do we have to wait?
Jane: What do you mean?
Maybe I can see cottage before I am eighty years old
Jane: Yeah
Jane: I think that would be nice
Jane: You should come this summer
Will not be too soon for you?
Jane: Too soon?
Do not want you to be disappointed
I will have all of my hair
I know you want to see me bald
Jane: I think I’ll manage
Jane: You know, I always imagined I would have my funeral at the cottage
Jane: I think it would be a good place to spread my ashes
In Russian Orthodox is not good to burn the body
Jane: Mm well I can be buried there too
Jane: I’m not picky
Maybe I can be buried there too
So that I can haunt you when I die first
Jane: I think you already haunt me
Good. Will make it easier to do it after death too
...
I think maybe…
Maybe you can speak at my funeral
Jane: Wow
Jane: Even though you said I wasn’t allowed to?
Yes I think I will make exception
I want to hear what you say
Jane: Well you won’t be able to
Jane: You’ll be dead
Ah good point
You should tell me now
So that I can hear it
Jane: Now?
Yes now
Jane: Okay
Jane: ...
Jane: ...
Jane: Well, maybe I would say that I met Ilya Rozanov while he was waiting outside of a rink
Jane: Maybe I’d say he was trying to smoke
You cannot steal from me Shane
Jane: Shhh you’re dead
Jane: Dead people can’t interrupt
🤐💀
Jane: Anyways
Jane: Maybe I’d say he was trying to smoke, and I told him not to. He didn’t listen at first, but eventually he did. I was proud of him for not smoking anymore. But I would have been proud of him even if he didn’t.
Jane: Maybe I’d say that he was beautiful. That he was so funny and so kind.
Jane: I’d say he made me laugh. That I never laughed as much as I did with him.
Jane: Maybe I’d say he sometimes made me cry. But I would always forgive him because I couldn’t help myself.
Jane: Maybe I’d say he was an amazing hockey player. Maybe.
Jane: I would say that I loved playing with him. More than I have ever loved playing with anyone.
Jane: Maybe I would say that I loved his stupid texts.
Jane: And that I loved the fact that he wore mismatched socks. He used to say that “just because they do not look like they should be together doesn’t mean they should not.”
Jane: Maybe I would talk about all of the nights we spent together
Jane: Or all the mornings
Jane: Maybe I would say that I missed him more than anything. That I missed him so much it hurt
Jane: ...
Jane: Maybe I would say that I hoped that we could eventually be ghosts together
Jane: …
Jane: Okay I think that’s all for now
Jane: …
Jane: …
Jane: Ilya are you there?
Jane: Was it bad?
I am here
Was not bad
Was very not bad
You would say that in front of all the people?
Jane: Yeah
Jane: I would
They will have questions
Jane: I know
Jane: It wouldn’t matter though
Jane: You’d be dead so
What would you tell them we were?
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: Enemies?
Nemeses?
Jane: Friends?
Not friends?
Jane: Dates?
Fuck buddies?
Jane: Yeah I’m not telling everyone that we were fuck buddies
Lovers?
Jane: That is just as bad
How is it just as bad?
Jane: I mean, that’s basically the same thing as fuck buddies
I do not think so
I think is different
Jane: Mm maybe
Jane: Ghosts?
...
Boyfriends?
Jane: ...
Jane: Boyfriends?
Yes, I think so
Would you not like?
Jane: No I would like
Jane: I would like it very much
Okay
Jane: Okay
Okay <3
Jane: <3
Was good speech
You can speak at my funeral
Jane: You can speak at mine too
No will not happen
My heart would break
Zombies would eat me
Jane: That’s too bad
Yes
But at least we would be ghosts together
Day 9
March 27: 6:00 a.m. Moscow
March 26: 11:00 p.m. Montreal
I cannot believe you Shane
You have not even wished me a happy one-day anniversary
I have been awake for twenty minutes
And you send me nothing
Cannot believe we have to break up so soon
Jane: I didn’t miss it!
Jane: It’s still the 26th for me
Well you better not miss it
Jane: Okay I won’t
Jane: What would you like for our anniversary
Wow you will not even surprise me?
Romance is dead
Jane: Fuck off
Jane: You’re not going to get anything with that attitude
Nooo I am perfect angel 😇
Jane: Sure you are
Jane: I can’t believe we’ve almost been dating for a day
Jane: Time goes by so quickly
Feels like just yesterday
Jane: Funny
I try
What do you want for anniversary?
Jane: I don’t know
Jane: I don’t think I need anything else
Okay I will surprise you
Jane: Can’t wait
Jane: I think I’m going to go to bed
Jane: I’m getting pretty tired
Jane: I don’t want to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation
Jane: But I will talk to you tomorrow!
Okay will talk to you tomorrow
On our anniversary ))
…
I love you
Jane: …
Jane: …
Jane: You love me?
Yes
Jane: …
Jane: Is it too early for that?
Is only 6 am
Do I have to wait until 9 am to tell you I love you?
Jane: Maybe
Okay
March 27: 9:00 a.m. Moscow
March 27: 2:00 a.m. Montreal
I love you
Jane: I love you too
You are still awake??
Jane: Yeah
Why?
Jane: ...
Jane: I wanted to see what would happen at 9 am in Moscow
Jane: …
Jane: And I didn’t really want the day to end
Seems like flawed logic
Jane: Probably
Happy anniversary
Jane: Happy anniversary
Picture of Shane smiling in bed
Picture of Ilya smiling, drinking coffee
I am not going to delete that
Jane: That’s okay
Jane: It’s a gift
Jane: Today is the last day of the funeral right?
Yes
I go home tomorrow
You should go to sleep Shane
Will still be here in the morning
Jane: Okay
Jane: I love you
I love you too
Dream of me?
Jane: Maybe
Jane: Good luck today
Jane: I’ll think of you
Day 10
March 28: 6:00 p.m. Boston
March 28: 6:00 p.m. Montreal
I am home
Well
I am in Boston
Jane ♥️: I’m glad you made it back safe
We are in the same time zone now
Is easier
Jane ♥️: I kind of liked being in different time zones
Jane ♥️: I liked knowing future you
Anything happen in the past while I was gone?
Jane ♥️: Nothing you didn’t know about in the future
Jane ♥️: Are you free to call?
Yes
Outgoing Call 3/28/17 — 3 hours 26 minutes
