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"So that means there is going to be a real baby this time?"
Crammed between her mamas on her twin bed, Lily is far more awake than anyone recommends before bedtime.
She clutches Gigi the giraffe against her chest. Its the stuffed animal they had helplessly bought her from the hospital gift shop after having the exact opposite of this conversation months ago.
Yolanda nods slowly. "That's right. She's already at the hospital, and if you're okay with it, we're going to pick her up in two days."
Trinity watches their almost-five-year-old work through the information piece by piece.
Excitement flickers across her face before something catches, making her little brow crease in concentration.
Its uncanny how much her analytical face mirrors that of Yolanda.
Carefully, Lily reaches across the small gap between them, her hand hovering uncertainly over Trinity's stomach.
"So you..." Her nose even scrunches in the exact same thoughtful way her wifes's always does. "This baby is not... I mean, you know..."
The unfinished question hangs heavily in the room.
Trinity swallows around the familiar ache that still hasn't quite left her, then forces herself to smile.
"No. She came out of somebody else's tummy." She gently rests her hand over Lily's for a second before letting it go again. "But she still needs a family."
The small hand retreats.
Lily thinks for a long moment, and over the top of her head Trinity finds Yolanda's eyes.
Her wife sits perfectly still, expression calm enough that most people would never notice the effort behind it.
Trinity does. She knows every tiny muscle in that face, every fraction of a second where emotion is carefully folded away before anyone else can see it.
Yolanda is trying so hard to make this easier for Lily.
And Trinity only hopes her own voice isn't giving away how on edge she is.
"So that's good, right?" Lily finally asks, looking from one mother to the other.
Both of them nod.
"Because we already have everything." Her face brightens a little. "The room, the little bed... the pictures I drew."
A sudden stray tear slips free before Trinity can stop it. She wipes it away so quickly she hopes Lily doesn't notice.
"That's right," Yolanda says, smoothly taking over before Trinity has to speak again. "But because it's a special situation, love, there are a few extra rules."
Lily climbs into Yolanda's lap and expectantly tips her head back.
"Yes?"
"We're planning for her to stay..." Yolanda pauses, searching for words a four-year-old can hold. "...like you. Forever. But sometimes..."
She exhales quietly. "Sometimes babies have to go back to their original mom."
"Why?"
"There can be lots of things. Sometimes a mommy is sick for a while, and another family helps look after the baby until she's better. Sometimes its other reasons."
Lily's frowns and her little arms fiercly wrap around her own middle.
"You just said forever, Mama." Her lower lip sticks out as she fixes Yolanda with wounded determination.
"That's what we want, Lily." Even Yolanda's steady voice softens around the edges. "It just isn't something anyone can promise 100%."
Silence settles over the bedroom.
Three weeks earlier they had painted two walls a deep forest green together, carefully protecting the white trim with crooked strips of masking tape while Lily insisted on "helping."
The little room still smells faintly of fresh paint beneath the familiar scent of Lilys lotion.
Soccer medals from mini weekend tournaments hang beside framed finger paintings, while photos crowd the shelves above a row of dolls and stuffed animals.
"We really hope she'll stay with us for a very long time," Trinity says carefully, wishing the words sounded more reassuring than they feel.
Lily's lip trembles.
"But Mom..." Her voice breaks. "That's worse."
She slides off Yolanda's lap with a solid thump onto the carpet and stomps one foot hard enough to rattle Gigi's floppy ears.
"Instead of having no baby at all..." Her voice climbs higher with every word. "We get to have her, and then we have to give her away again?"
The shout echoes around the bedroom, way louder than she usually dares.
Helplessly, Trinity looks at Yolanda.
Her wife returns exactly the same expression.
Lily is right.
In the way only children sometimes are, she has reached the hardest truth without getting distracted by any of the legal explanations.
Especially after wishing for a sibling for her last two birthdays.
They know the chances of Baby Maxine leaving them again are slim to none.
Still.
Small is not the same as impossible. Maybe they just shouldn't have mentioned that possibility tonight.
But lying would have been crueler if the worst happened.
Lily is crying openly now, tears running unchecked down flushed cheeks.
When Yolanda carefully kneels in front of her, she shakes her head before her mama can even reach her.
"I want to be alone sad," she says through thick, watery breaths.
Trinity's heart twists. She pushes herself up from the bed, her knees protesting after sitting cross-legged for so long.
"Love, are you sur..."
"Yes." Lily nods with surprising determination despite the tears. "I need to think."
Yolanda quietly reaches for Trinity's hand and threads their fingers together.
"We hear you, love," she says gently. "We'll be in the living room while you do your thinking."
Before they step out, Trinity glances back toward her daughter.
"We do need to tell them at work tomorrow morning."
Lily takes another shaky breath before giving a small nod.
The bedroom door closes with a soft click. Trinity doesn't even make it halfway down the hallway.
Yolanda gently turns her toward herself, wraps both arms around her, and simply holds on.
The embrace is so familiar, that the composure Trinity has been clinging to dissolves instantly.
She buries her face against the front of Yolanda's hoodie, breathing the scent of her wife's shampoo while silent tears soak into the soft fabric.
One of Yolanda's hands settles at the back of her neck, her thumb stroking slow circles beneath her hairline, while the other rubs steadily across the small of her back as though reminding her to keep breathing.
"We did the right thing," Yolanda whispers, although Trinity can hear the uncertainty she is trying to hide. "She deserves the truth."
"I know." Trinity's voice catches. "I just hate that it hurts her."
"So do I."
For a long moment neither of them says anything else.
They simply stand there in the quiet hallway outside their daughter's room, holding each other tightly.
Yolanda had secretly feared that not having a genetic link to the child might somehow dull whatever instinct people called maternal.
She had been wrong. Utterly, completely wrong.
Three days in, the sound of Maxine crying already reaches some place deep inside her.
The first diaper change is, objectively, uneventful.
She has changed plenty of diapers herself over the years. Lily had long since stopped needing them, but always co-operated easily.
Maxine, however, has opinions.
The moment Yolanda lifts her tiny legs to slide the clean diaper underneath, the newborn's face crumples with astonishing speed.
A heartbeat later, the nursery fills with a high pitched desperate cry.
"Oh..." Yolanda freezes. Something inside her physically hurts.
Maxine's tiny fists wave helplessly through the air, her whole body trembling with indignation and confusion, cheeks reddening as another cry escapes her.
"I'm sorry," Yolanda murmurs immediately. "I know. I know."
Her own voice sounds strangely rough. "I promise I'm almost done."
She works faster, fingers surprisingly clumsy despite their usual surgical precision.
The tabs refuse to line up the first time, and by the time she finally fastens the diaper properly, Maxine has cried herself into tiny hiccupping breaths that somehow sound even more heartbreaking.
"There we are." Yolanda scoops her up before she can think twice.
The baby weighs almost nothing against her shoulder, but somehow she still manages to occupy every available corner of Yolanda's attention.
She gently pats the tiny back, pacing slow circles around the nursery.
"You've had a very difficult morning, haven't you?" Maxine answers with another small, wounded squeak.
"I know. Everything is new." Yolanda rests her cheek lightly against the baby's impossibly soft hair.
"You've got strange people holding you." Another lap around the room.
"A strange house." She smiles to herself. "And one Mama who apparently changes diapers much slower than your Mom."
The crying eases by fractions. Without really thinking about it, Yolanda starts humming.
It is an old lullaby Carmen used to sing while cooking, one Yolanda hasn't heard herself hum in years. The melody comes back piece by piece, soft enough that she almost doesn't recognize it herself.
Maxine's little body slowly melts against her chest.
"There you go," Yolanda whispers. "That's much better." Because it worked with Lily, she starts walking around the house too, swaying her lightly.
In the kitchen she quickly shoves a protein bar into her mouth. It most of what she had time for the last few days.
Bars, and whatever Dennis or Princess or someone else brought over.
The front door opens and keys clatter into the ceramic bowl.
"I told you we didn't need that much chocolate," Trinity laughs from the hallway.
"But it was on sale!" Lily argues back with absolute conviction.
Yolanda smiles before either of them even reaches the kitchen. A moment later, footsteps hurry closer.
"There are my girls," Trinity says warmly before stopping in the doorway.
Her eyes find Yolanda first. Then Maxine. Then, again, a little longer, Yolanda's face.
Something softens. "You okay?"
Yolanda opens her mouth to answer. Instead, a long yawn forces its way out of her. "...I think so."
Trinity smiles in that knowing way she has. Without asking another question, she crosses the room.
"Come here, sweetheart." Maxine changes arms with barely a protest.
The tiny body leans instinctively against Trinity's chest, and Yolanda suddenly realizes how heavy her own arms feel.
"Can you two put everything away?" Trinity asks over her shoulder.
Lily is already wrestling two grocery bags through the doorway. "I helped with shopping."
"I can see that." Yolanda laughs quietly. "I'll take those."
Together she and Lily carry groceries into the kitchen.
"So," Lily announces proudly while unloading the bags with concentration, "we bought ice cream."
"And gummy bears."
"And cookies."
"And caramel."
Yolanda raises an eyebrow. "That's quite the mix."
"It is," Lily agrees seriously. "We are celebrating, arent we? And that means: sweets."
Looking into pleased green eyes now, Yolanda can fully understand how Trinity got persuaded into buying this much.
When Yolanda notices the tiny yogurt melts tucked between everything else, she smiles. "You know Maxine can't eat any of this yet."
Lily pouts for a long moment and thinks. "Then..." She brightens again. "More for us."
Yolanda cannot help laughing. "I suppose your logic is difficult to argue with."
By the time the groceries are put away, Lily is already halfway down the hallway.
"I'm checking on Maxi!"
"Go wash your hands before..," Yolanda calls after her.
"I know!" The answer disappears down the hall.
The kitchen falls quiet. Yolanda leans both hands against the counter. The silence wraps around her aching shoulders. She hadn't realized how tired she was.
Having a second kid, starting from the beginning again, makes her painfully aware of the aches that come with being almost forty.
Yolands knows she's fit of course, but in the last few month her selfcare has certainly taken a hit. It simply wasnt a priority. She wasnt, and thats okay.
For now, Yolanda allows herself a long sip of water and a minute of quick stretching.
After another minute, she follows the giggles drifting from the nursery. The sight waiting inside stops her in the doorway:
The oversized beanbag tucked into the corner has become a little nest.
Trinity reclines against its back, Maxine curled half asleep on her chest except for the occasional sleepy sniffle, while Lily has squeezed herself into the remaining space with impressive determination.
One small hand strokes the baby's blanket. "It's okay," Lily whispers softly. "We're nice, I promise "
Maxine answers with another uncertain little whimper and a hiccup.
Lily's forehead wrinkles. "I know, being small is very stressful."
Then, suddenly, she gasps. "I have an idea."
Before either adult can ask what that means, she jumps up and races from the room.
Trinity looks over and up at Yolanda. "What do you think she's..."
"No idea."
Thirty seconds later Lily returns at full speed. She proudly holds out two treasures.
Silently, she kneels beside the beanbag. With painstaking concentration, she slips the little spiderman socks over Maxine's feet.
"There."
Then she carefully tucks Ellie between the drowsy baby and Trinity's chest. The stuffed elephant is almost bigger than Maxine's head.
Yolanda watches as Maxine's tiny fingers brush the worn grey fabric.
Almost immediately, she turns her face toward it.
The little cries fade into soft humming. Her breathing evens out. Heavy eyelids flutter once. Then close.
For a long moment, nobody speaks.
Then, Lily slowly stands. A proud smile stretches across her face and she takes Yolanda's hand.
"Shh."
The whisper is so earnest that Yolanda lets herself be quietly led out of the room.
Only once they reach the living room does Lily stop. She climbs onto the couch beside her and folds both hands solemnly in her lap.
"Even if she's only here for a short time, Mama," she says with all the certainty four-year-olds can possess, "she should feel like she belongs."
Yolanda's throat tightens so suddenly she cannot answer.
Instead, she gathers Lily into her arms and holds her there. "Youre right, little flower." A kiss to the cheek. "You're very right."
Lily wakes up because something feels wrong.
It takes her a few sleepy blinks to figure out what it is.
Ellie.
She reaches across the bed automatically, patting around where the elephant usually sleeps, and only finds her blanket.
Right. Ellie is with Maxi.
Lily had thought she would be fine. She can sleep without Ellie.
It is just a little harder.
She slides carefully out of bed, making sure the floor does not creak too much. Mom and Mama are still talking somewhere downstairs. She can hear little bits of their voices floating up through the house.
Good.
Lily tiptoes into the hallway, rubbing one eye, then pushes open her mamas' bedroom door just enough to slip inside.
The room is dark except for the little night-light glowing beside the bassinet.
Lily walks over.
There is Ellie. Only... Maxi is holding her.
Her fingers are wrapped around one of Ellie's legs and her little face is buried against the elephant's soft tummy like it is the most comfortable pillow in the whole world.
Lily knows it is.
"Oh," she whispers. That is unfortunate.
She came all this way because she missed Ellie. Now she doesnt really want to take her back.
Instead she stands on her tiptoes and peers through the bars of the bassinet.
Her little sister looks even smaller while she is asleep. Is she allowed to call her her sister yet?
The thought makes a warm feeling spread through Lily's chest. It feels nice.
It also feels a little scary.
She studies the wispy blond hair on top of Maxi's head. There is not much yet, but enough to see the color.
She is probably going to stay blond. That is special. Nobody else in their family has hair like that.
Just then, Maxine lets out a tiny muffled cry into Ellie's belly.
Her little face wrinkles. Her fingers grab harder onto the stuffed animal.
Lily's own heart squeezes.
She looks at the big bed beside the bassinet. Then back at Maxi.
"I know," she whispers.
Using the mattress as a step, she carefully climbs onto the bed before lowering herself, very slowly, into the bassinet beside the baby.
It is a little squished. She is definitely getting too big for this.
"Shh," she murmurs, reaching one careful hand toward the little bundle. "Can I touch you?"
She blinks. "Oh."
That was a silly question. Maxi cant answer yet.
Very carefully, Lily rests her hand on the baby's tiny back and begins stroking gentle circles, the same way Mom does for her after bad dreams.
She listens. Not with her ears, but with the feeling inside her chest.
The warm feeling grows bigger and Maxi's little body starts relaxing beneath her hand.
Good.
If Lily feels a little scared right now, even though she is already almost five, then the baby must be much more frightened.
Everything is new and different. She is all alone except for them.
Very slowly, Lily lies down fully beside her, making herself as small as she can, and wraps one careful arm around the baby.
The tiny huffing cries start fading away.
"There," Lily whispers softly. "You got me now. You don't have to be afraid anymore."
Maybe she is imagining it. Or maybe not.
Because she could almost swear a tiny sleepy smile appears on Maxi's face.
Lily smiles back.
She leans over and presses the lightest kiss onto her forehead, just like Mom and Mama always do before bedtime.
"Goodnight, little flower," she whispers. "Dream well."