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Spock placed the rook down at the top level, eyeing Jim and his obvious distraction. Jim raised a hand to the board but hesitated.
"Spock?"
"Yes?"
"Earlier, when the minister said he sensed your... attraction."
Spock felt himself grow warmer. The 'Minister' had been a skilled and invasive telepath. Emotions, thoughts, memories, all of it was available to him. And he had used it to his advantage. "What about this incident do you wish to know?"
Jim moved his knight. "Forgive me for overstepping. But. Ahem. Who was it for?"
Spock flinched, his hand knocking over several pieces.
"I'm sorry, I just." Jim swallowed, his face was beginning to turn red. "I had to ask."
"I would prefer not to answer that, Captain," Spock said stiffly. Surely Jim had not anticipated what such a question would reveal about their friendship.
"Oh, okay. I understand." He offered a wavery smile. "It's just been eating at me."
As humans often said, curiosity killed the cat. Nonetheless. "May I ask why, Captain?"
Jim's flush spread to his ears. "I'm not sure."
"Ah. Simple interest, then."
"Sure. Sure." There was a beat of deeply uncomfortable silence. "Spock?"
"Yes?"
"Was it for... him?"
"Whom?"
"The Minister."
Spock shook his head. "No. It was not."
"Oh good," Jim smiled.
"Good, Jim?" Spock asked.
"Yeah, I mean, I was just wondering because. Well, he's an objectively attractive man."
Was the Captain jealous? Had he been attracted to the Minister?
Despite what he had told himself regarding Jim and his romantic pursuits, Spock felt a twinge of sadness.
"I suppose," he said. "However, I harbor no attraction for that man."
"I see." Jim was still smiling slightly.
Spock nodded, hoping that was the end of the conversation.
"And you still don't wish to disclose who you have these feelings for?"
Hope alone never changed anything.
"Feelings, Captain?"
Jim laughed. "Attraction then. Come on, Spock, tell me who your crush is."
"Crush?"
"It's somebody you're attracted to. I admit the phrase is somewhat juvenile, but." He shrugged, leaning closer over the chessboard. "So is this conversation."
"I am unsure as to exactly what this information will provide you."
"A glimpse beneath that steely Vulcan exterior, maybe."
"Perhaps."
"Come on! It can't be that bad. I thought Vulcan's didn't feel embarrassment."
"We do not."
"Then why the hesitation?"
Why the hesitation indeed. The very nature of the Captain's question was dangerous to their friendship. If he were to discern the meaning behind Spock's recent attentions, the fact that they went beyond comradery, he might expel Spock from his inner circle forever.
No, he would not do that. Jim was far too kind for that. But it would make things... awkward.
"You may find my answer disconcerting."
"How come?"
Spock carefully controlled his bloodflow, directing it away from his face. "Personal reasons."
"Personal."
"Yes."
"Can I guess?"
Spock hesitated. Guessing would mean narrowing down the possibilities. However, saying no outright would raise further suspicions.
Spock did not sigh, he merely breathed a little deeper and exhaled with similar force. "You may."
Jim no longer exhibited any signs of nervousness, or whatever emotion had plagued him at the beginning of their conversation. His eyes now twinkled with mirth as he leaned forward with his chin in his hands.
"Sulu."
"No."
"Uhura."
"No."
"Nurse Chapel."
"No."
"Bones."
"No."
"Spock, one rule, you have to tell me if I get it right."
Spock looked to the ceiling, wishing for a time consuming red-alert.
"Vulcans do not lie."
Jim snorted. "Right. Scotty?"
"No."
"Don't tell me it's Chekov."
"I will not."
"Good." Jim thought for a moment, then smiled teasingly. However, there looked to be a hint of... insecurity, in his eyes. "Is it me?"
Spock froze. Time itself had chosen that moment to slow down every process in Spock's existence. Breathing no longer mattered, blinking was impossible, moving was unthinkable.
Jim seemed to realize his hesitation at the same moment that Spock regained his motor skills five seconds later.
His eyes widened. His jaw dropped slightly. Distantly, Spock wondered if Jim was still breathing.
"Captain?"
Jim blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.
"Mr. Spock...." he choked. "is it me?"
Spock cringed inwardly. He had agreed to those foolish rules, went along even though he'd known the possible consequences.
"Yes," he admitted. "I apologize."
"Apologize?" Jim asked. His voice had gone incredibly vulnerable. Spock wanted to die.
"Yes." He contemplated standing at parade rest for a sense of normalcy. That might have made things worse. "It was inappropriate of me to harbor such feelings towards you. As my superior officer–"
"Do you mean to say that this." He swallowed. "Attraction– was temporary?
Spock could have lied. But this was Jim. He deserved honesty. "No. It is not temporary."
"Insignificant, then?"
If only he had died in those mountains thirty years ago. "No. Not at all."
"I see." Jim's face had flushed an incredibly alluring shade of pink. He looked up at Spock, wetted his lips. "Would you be willing to act on this attraction to me?"
"Jim?" Spock prided himself on keeping a clear head in tense, unnavigated situations, as first officer it was necessary, as a Vulcan it was expected. Now, he could hardly think past the look in Jim's eyes.
Jim stood slowly. "Mr. Spock," he said, gazing up at him. "May I kiss you?"
There was a swooping sensation in his stomach, as if the ship had disappeared and he felt like–
Like falling.
"Yes."
"Spock," Jim breathed, and then he was surging forward, rounding the table and pulling Spock towards him. Fiercely, he kissed him with all the passion he bestowed on everything he did. Command, chess matches, and now him. Spock responded, dare he say it, desperately. He was mature enough to admit when emotion overtook him, and this. This was.
"Spock," Jim murmured against his lips. "Spock."
Jim kissed him frantically and clutched at his shoulders, Spock recalled that being one of his 'go-to moves' when kissing someone. Fascinating, he'd never expected to experience what it was like to be the one Jim performed it on. Tentatively, Spock reached out and placed a hand on Jim's waist. That earned him an even more energetic hold on his shoulders, Jim seemed eager to press every inch of himself to Spock.
"Spock," Jim gasped as he experimentally slipped his hand underneath the captain's overshirt, finding nothing but soft plush skin. Intoxicating. "Spock, I–"
Spock was beginning to feel the hazy effects of desire overtake his mind. All awareness was centered on Jim. His touch, the sounds he made, how–
Jim pulled away.
"Spock," he said, chest heaving, face flushed, eyes wide.
"Yes, Captain?" Suddenly bereft of his touch, Spock's voice came out rougher than usual.
"Spock." Jim reached up and cupped Spock's face in his hand, carefully avoiding his meld points. There was a surge of electricity nonetheless. "Spock, I love you."
Spock wondered whether he had been blown out of an airlock during the last mission and had been trapped in a fantasy of his own dying mind's making. That would explain the fluttering, almost fearful sensation in his stomach and heart.
"Jim?"
Jim smiled, tugging Spock a little closer. "I love you Spock, I love you. And you’re my best friend. This isn't just," he waved his free hand around. "Physical, or because I'm lonely, or because I knew you'd say yes. Actually," he laughed nervously. Why was he nervous? "I had no idea that you, sorry, felt this way. Towards me. I mean, that you'd be open. To this. Spock?"
Spock blinked. "You... love me."
Jim looked down, his hand slid from Spock's face and down to his bicep. "Yes," he said. "... did I just ruin the moment?"
Ruin it? "No, Jim. I am simply. Shocked." Jim looked up, was that hope in his eyes? Was he not aware– Spock realized, abruptly, that just as he'd hoped, Jim did not recognize the Vulcan rituals surrounding courtship. He did not know that Spock would take anything he wanted to give, but that love, love was so incredibly in the realm of impossibility he hadn't even hoped. He had been performing the rituals out of service, not self gain.
"I did not believe that you could love me," Spock said carefully. "As I love you."
Jim's smile was brighter than the stars themselves. Spock was blinded by his golden beauty, the sheer magnetism of his eyes alone threatened to overtake him.
"You love me too?" Jim said. "Like, you really do? Spock, please, don't just say that to make me feel better— oh."
Spock pulled him in, pressing his lips to the captain's in a way he hoped conveyed every unvulcanlike emotion he now felt. Urgency and desperation, love and fear and desire.
Holding him felt like having the universe.
"Jim," he said. "I love you."
Jim shuddered, moving to mouth kisses along Spock's throat. "I never... imagined. Spock… you're too good for me."
"Jim, I am not."
"Yes you are." Jim sucked a small bruise into the curve of his collarbone. "You're smart, and witty, and controlled."
"I find myself increasingly uncontrolled in your presence, Captain."
Jim laughed. "That's what I'm going for, Mr. Spock."
Spock raised an eyebrow. He noted that his breathing and heart rate had spiked. He guided Jim back to his mouth, reaching back beneath his shirt to ghost his fingertips along his waistband.
Jim moaned softly. "Mr. Spock, where was this night heading?"
"Wherever you wanted it to, Captain."
"Wonderful." Jim kissed him once more, soft and slow. Then pulled off his shirt.
Afterwards, they lay in a sweaty heap, Jim's arm slung over Spock's bare torso.
"Spock?" Jim asked, tilting his head to look up at him. "Were those courtship rituals?"
"Specify." Spock's nervous system and brain were still recovering from having Jim Kirk's entire passionate attention bestowed upon him.
"Courtship rituals. The meals, the massages, the nights when you did my paperwork so that I could get some rest."
Uncertainty about Jim's reaction out of the way, Spock nodded. "Yes."
"I'd hoped so," Jim said happily against Spock's neck. "Didn't want to read too much into it. Especially since you said the massages were to maximize my reflexive capabilities."
"They were. However, they were also intended as a gift. Additionally, they were a traditional display of talent enticing to a potential partner."
"I see. So, you wanted to get your hands on me in the most logical way possible." Spock could feel Jim's smile against his throat. "And what about the whole age seven betrothal thing? How do courtship rituals fit into that?" he asked, beginning a line of open mouthed kisses down to Spock's chest.
"Do relationships not require, ah, building? A mental connection does not necessarily make for a steady marriage. Jim. As you have seen, they can be dissolved."
"Thank goodness for that," Jim said, pausing his attentions to look Spock in the eye.
"Indeed."
Jim propped himself up on his hands, moving to hover over Spock. He kissed him gently, softly, like he just wanted the reminder of what it felt like. Fascinating, how many different ways there were to be kissed by him. Spock intended to memorize every one.
"I love you, Spock," Jim murmured. "I love you so much."
"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular," Spock whispered, kissing Jim again. Again. "K'diwa."
"What does that mean?" Jim asked, a lovely shade of pink spreading across his face. "It's beautiful."
"I cherish thee," Spock said. "Beloved."
"I cherish thee. Beloved," Jim repeated, like he was committing the phrase to memory. He smiled again, reaching up to brush back the golden curls that had fallen forward. "I can hardly believe this is real."
"What is so unbelievable?" Spock asked, raising a teasing eyebrow.
"Well, a few hours ago I was afraid that my chances with you had been ruined by that Minister," Jim grinned. "And now you're in my bed."
"Believing me to be attracted to the Minister was grounds for a mental evaluation."
Jim laughed, falling beside Spock. "I can see that now, but at the time it was plausible."
"Hmm. However, he was so. So...."
"Lost for words, Mr. Spock? He was so what?"
Spock sighed. "Bald. And, curiously tall."
"So if I grow another foot and lose all my hair, you won't want me anymore?"
Spock traced two fingers along Jim's hairline. "I do believe that I will always desire you."
The look Jim gave him then, Spock would always remember. Hazel eyes wide and adoring, his skin still damp with the heat of their entanglement.
"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular," Spock said. "I love you, Jim. You may change as much as you wish, my feelings will not."
Jim buried his face into the crook of Spock's neck, his chest rising with every breath he took. "That’s an insanely romantic answer for a teasing question," Jim said, his voice muffled. “I love you.”
Spock curled his hand into Jim's hair, tugging slightly to bring him up for another kiss. He'd found his anxiety had vanished the moment Jim had first confessed. Insecurity no longer lived inside him where Jim was concerned, not when he could feel the thrum of his emotions with every touch of skin to skin, feel the overwhelming brightness of his human emotions.
Feel the way he outshone the stars.