Chapter Text
She was a blonde.
She had eyes as blue as the sky.
She had a beautiful, dazzling smile.
She was always quick with a joke, and she would always be sure to laugh accordingly when told one, no matter how lame it may be.
She always was there to offer a shoulder to cry on when times were hard (as they so often were).
She was everything an imaginary friend should be.
Jinx couldn't quite recall when she'd first appeared. Maybe two...three years ago? Or was it even longer? Her memory was shoddy enough as it was, but when it came to remembering her hallucinations, they all seemed to blur together. Plus, considering how nightmarish they usually tended to be, she'd never really bothered trying to reflect on them anyhow.
That, of course, was before her brain, tortured and defective as the little bugger was, decided to go against the status quo and throw a little light into the mix. A playmate to keep her company. Someone to lighten the load, offering kind and understanding words that Jinx by no means deserved.
If she were being honest with herself—truly honest—she knew this new character was probably just some coping mechanism that her mind had manifested into existence, lest she somehow go even more off the rails from loneliness and self-loathing. Pretty nifty little trick if you asked her.
Don't have anyone in the entire world who cares about you? Welp, guess I can just go and make one! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
She'd even gone through the trouble of giving her a name. Lux. Short, sweet, and vaguely exotic. The perfect complement to a perfect creature.
Perfect. She really was. This apparition was noticeably more life-like than the others. Like, wayyyyyyyyy more life-like. The usual scratchy lines were replaced by glowing clear skin, and flowing hair, and soft lips, and...other things.
Jinx often found herself just staring, admiring the high level of craftsmanship her mind must have used to make this. Who knew she had such great taste? Really, she must be some kind of anatomical genius or something. And it didn't stop there. No. Sometimes, if she was feeling bold, or depressed, or whatever, she swore she could touch her. Like she was really there. Like she was standing right next to her, breathing the same air as her, looking back into her eyes. And if she let her mind go fuzzy, tuning out all reason and logic, Jinx could pretend that this really was her reality. At least for a little while.
But, as amazing as Lux's body was, Jinx's favorite detail about her, without a shadow of a doubt, was that others went quiet when Lux was with her. Which meant she could get a full night's rest, or maybe a few hours of peace and quiet in the evenings with Lux's head resting in her lap, or even, on occasion, if her head was clear enough, she could get started on converting one of the many blueprints and schematics that covered the walls of her room into the physical thing.
Lux would usually stand behind Jinx's chair as she worked, ever so often asking questions and even sometimes offering up cosmetic suggestions. They would talk through the night, just like that, until eventually Lux insisted it was time for bed. Jinx didn't want to go. Why couldn't they just stay like this?
Jinx obviously knew such a thing was impossible, but that didn't stop her from yearning all the same for that kind of life. For a life where she wasn't forced to drift off to sleep every night, one where she was allowed to stay awake forever, spending every moment of her waking days looking at, talking to, and touching Lux. A life where the shadows and voices and corpses wouldn't have any way to approach her, all their darkness and hateful words completely eclipsed by Lux's blinding light and soft reassurances. Because Lux never appeared in her dreams, and every time she closed her eyes, the nightmares started again without missing a beat.
She didn't really understand how it worked. How something of her mind's own creation could hold so much power over her. It was almost like Jinx's brain only had so much processing power to go around, and rendering Lux's 4k quality meant all other applications had to take a backseat. Whether that was a satisfactory explanation or not, she wasn't sure, but regardless, it was still unlike anything she'd ever dared to believe possible. Over the years, she'd tried just about every drug and medication that swept through the streets of Zaun, seeing if any could quell her delusions. Some had kinda worked, but nearly all of them made her feel loopy and strange more often than not, and they would inevitably begin losing their effectiveness the longer she used.
But this...
Her Lux. Her sunshine. Her nightlight that kept all the monsters away by simply being here.
She always had the same affect on Jinx, day after day after day. She was what a spoonful of honey was to a scratchy throat. Or what a cool washcloth was to a burning fever. Jinx wanted her to stay with her forever and ever. To make her life feel like it was worth living.
But she could never be truly satisfied. As lovely as she was, Lux had a funny way of finding ways to leave her sooner or later sometimes, citing excuses like:
'We're low on a few things, so I'm running out to the store.'
'Sorry, I promised my parents we'd eat out tonight; I'll probably be home late.'
'I'm going to the bathroom real quick; that OJ went straight through me.'
Each time Jinx didn't protest. But each time she'd silently seethed as she watched Lux's retreating back grow further away.
You don't eat.
You don't have parents.
You can't go to the bathroom.
Why are you trying to get away from me? Why do you seem to enjoy torturing me?
You're not real.
The hallucinations would always return with a vengeance within minutes after she was gone. They were stronger, more aggressive, almost like they knew they had to make up for lost time. They'd cramp themselves into every available space within her vision, dancing and screeching nonstop. All Jinx could do was wait, riding out the storm as she quietly begged for Lux's swift return. If she even came back at all.
Lux always did.
Scratch everything she'd said before. This was her favorite part of Lux. She always came back, no matter what. And Jinx always but forgave her for leaving, despite the painful ordeal she'd been put through each time.
She wasn't Vi.
She wasn't Vandor.
She wasn't Claggor.
She wasn't Milo.
She wasn't Silco.
She was Lux, and she would never truly leave her. No matter how broken she may be.
She was the only good part of her, Jinx had realized. The only example of goodness she'd managed to bring into the world, even if it hadn't been intentional.
She was her better half. Where Jinx was lazy and unmotivated, she was always energized and hardworking. She helped with did all chores around the house, insisting they not live in a 'complete pigsty.' She helped wash the knots out of Jinx's electric blue hair in the bath. She helped braid it when she'd dried off. She cooked for both of them, her food never ceasing to amaze Jinx with its complex flavors. She held Jinx as she slept fitfully in the bed they shared.
Impressive for a hallucination. Jinx figured she must be doing all those things herself, even if her memory recalled literally watching Lux change out that light bulb, wash those dishes, chop up those carrots. Even if they had seemed as real as anything else, Jinx knew they must be a lie.
Lux wasn't real.
Where Jinx was jaded and cold-hearted, Lux was caring and generous. She encouraged Jinx to use her skills in ways she tentatively called 'less murderous in nature.' The last dozen or so projects Jinx had undertaken were advanced prototypes of water filtration systems that theoretically could be used to greatly improve the abysmal water quality of the Zaun canals. She made sure Jinx kept up with Ekko, despite how strained their relationship had been over the years. She'd even gone through the effort of making friends with their neighbors, doing her best to overcome their admittedly lacking 'Zaunite hospitality.'
She really could make friends with anyone. Build a home wherever she ended up.
Lux wasn't real.
She made her a better person.
She made her want to improve.
She made her feel like she could be more than just her name. More than the curse that had damned family and friends alike. For the first time in a long time, Jinx could feel the ghost of a little girl stirring deep within her psyche, straining to make herself known once more.
Lux had done that for her. She was far and away more than just an imaginary friend.
Far more than any of the rest of them could ever be.
She was more solid.
More human.
More alive.
...
...
...
Could she be...?