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It was a warm autumn day.
Kris and Susie sat outside in the sun, facing each other over a picnic table while eating lunch. A light breeze was blowing across the schoolyard. Susie faced the wind, and it swept her hair away from her face as she ate. The wind pushed Kris’ hair in front of their face, obscuring even more of their features than usual as they were finishing their food - just the way they liked it.
Their classmates could be heard around them, though I seriously doubted either of them were paying attention to any of them. Still, as Kris had walked out with Susie to find a sunny place to enjoy both their meals and each other’s company, I couldn’t help but take note of the goings-on around them.
Jockington was trying his best to show Monster Kid and Snowy how to play basketball; despite not having any limbs, he was actually phenomenal at the game, while the other two teens struggled to dribble. Catti was against the wall of the school, obscured by the shade as she wrote in her notebook. Most students gave her a wide berth, unwilling to be the target of one of her hexes or withering glares. Noelle had not come to class today, nor yesterday, much to Susie’s chagrin.
Otherwise, it was just Kris and Susie at their table. They ate in silence, which was unusual for Susie, and Kris had noticed this; they had felt slightly concerned for her since about an hour ago, when Susie hadn’t bothered interrupting their daily nap during Alphys’ lecture. They kept glancing up at her throughout their meal, and every time, Susie would be looking in a different direction as she chewed her food, though I doubt she was looking for anything in particular.
She didn’t seem sad, exactly, but there was a wistfulness in her eyes that I couldn’t quite place. Noelle was the obvious answer, but even then, Noelle’s absence today had been planned; the doe had told her dragon girlfriend that she and her mother were across the country for the entirety of this week, and Susie did not appear this downtrodden yesterday, so... what was up?
Kris was the one to finally broach the subject, and did so in their usual, eloquent fashion.
“Sup?” Their deadpan voice asked as they looked through their bangs and over the last bite of their egg and cheese bagel.
Susie looked at Kris, though she did not seem fully present as she met the human’s gaze and processed their question. Her answer was a simple, “Hmm?”
“You’re quiet today.” Kris explained. “Barely making fun of me. What’s up?” They finished the last bite of their sandwich as they waited for Susie to answer, crossing their arms on the table and leaning on them.
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Susie said, blinking a couple times and seemingly coming back to reality. “Uh... you chew like a cow. Better?” She smiled weakly, not even having the heart to try and mean her insult. Kris did not react in the slightest, simply taking a sip of their water and staring at her. Sighing, Susie looked away again, and did not comment further.
Kris was polite enough to swallow before continuing their questioning, a rare sign of respect from them. “You don’t have to talk. I’m just... I dunno. You seem... distracted.”
Susie nodded at their words as she stared past them, her brows knitting slightly. When she did not comment or react any further for several moments, Kris went from slightly concerned to actually concerned; their brows knit as well, and their head tilted for a moment. They reached out, placing a gentle hand on Susie’s arm, and their touch drew her eyes to Kris’ again.
“Hey,” Kris said softly, a note of unease clearly heard in their voice, “You okay?”
The glaze over Susie's eyes cleared up immediately, and she shook her head with what seemed like a genuine smile before responding.
“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands before meeting Kris’ eyes and continuing. “Sorry, I’ve just... I’ve been trying to figure something out since yesterday, and...” She looked away for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed as she shook her head again. “Yeah, it’s just... tougher than I thought, y’know?” She looked back at Kris, and this smile finally convinced Kris that she was okay. “It’s no big deal, I’m good.”
Kris smiled softly, nodding as their fears were temporarily relieved. “Alright. I just... it’s rare, seeing you like... this.” They gestured loosely in her direction, making her chuckle. “Wanna talk about it?”
Susie took a deep breath before responding, her gaze finally steady on Kris. “I, uh... yeah, if you’re cool with it. I was gonna talk about it with you eventually, I just... well, I dunno if you’ll believe this, but I didn’t want to be an asshole.” She smirked.
This legitimately surprised Kris, who gave her a teasing smirk back. “Okay... I’m concerned again.”
She laughed quietly, giving a light flick against Kris’ wrist and rolling her eyes. Her expression grew somewhat serious again as she spoke, and it took a moment for her to make eye contact again.
“Alright, look. I’ve been... doing some research. And I *promise* you, I’m really not trying to be a dick about any of this stuff, okay? It’s just... it’s a lot more complicated than I thought, y’know?”
Kris nodded slowly, their face a mixture of surprise and curiosity. The latter was certainly the more prominent emotion within them, and I admit, I was terribly curious where this was going, too.
“Yeah, I get it.” Touching her arm again and squeezing gently, they added, “No worries, Susie.”
“Alright,” she said through a sigh, while Kris withdrew their touch. Susie scratched her scalp idly, then set her arms on the table, taking a moment before saying her next with uncharacteristic hesitation. “Okay, so.” She clasped her hands, leaning on her elbows and pointing with both index fingers at Kris. “You’re nonbinary.”
The statement literally made Kris reel in surprise. “OH,” they said, fighting off a laugh. They tried to compose themself quickly, not wanting to make Susie uncomfortable, but unfortunately had already failed. “Yeah. Yes, Susie.” They added, seeing her flinch slightly at their reaction, and they continued explaining themself until Susie relaxed. “I’m... yes. And I... I’m just surprised. I didn’t expect... *that* kinda topic. But it’s cool. We can talk about it.” They smiled reassuringly as Susie relaxed just a hair. “I promise. I’m... well, not an ‘open-book’, since... y’know, I barely talk, but...” They sighed, and decided to stop digging a hole for themself. They smiled as warmly as they could and nodded at Susie. “Yeah. Ask whatever. It’s cool.”
Susie nodded slowly, having visibly relaxed through Kris’ somewhat-flustered words. “Okay. You’re nonbinary. Obviously. And nonbinary people - like you and Monster Kid - use ‘they’, like girls use ‘she’ and boys use ‘he’. I knew that.”
Kris nodded slowly, though their eyes did look up and away for a second as they processed this. “Not... not always, but... sure. That works for now...”
Susie looked confused again, but seemed to think better of asking after Kris’ statement. Instead, she continued trying to ask what I assumed was her planned questions.
“Okay, ‘not always’, let’s come back to that. But...” She paused, seemingly stuck finding the right words for a moment. She sighed, chuckling as she looked to the ground. “Fuck, this is gonna make me sound so stupid.”
“Susie, I promise. I won’t get upset.” Kris said softly. “It’s... it can be... a lot. I get it.”
She looked back up at Kris, her hands still on her forehead as she laughed again. Judging by the slight tint her cheeks were adopting, she actually was flustered by this. Kris tried their best to seem as nonjudgemental as they felt.
“I thought... I mean, there’s so many different kinds of monsters, y’know? Biology takes up, like, half our fuckin’ class sometimes. And you KNOW I barely pay attention as it is. So I guess...” She laughed through her embarrassment, leaning back and crossing her arms as she fully blushed. “I thought it was like... all based on what parts you had? But that’s *not* the case, apparently? With humans OR monsters? Am I stupid? I’m sorry if this is...” She shook her head again, glancing at Kris for their reaction.
Kris shook their head, too. They leaned forward slightly, keeping their eyes on Susie’s. “You’re not stupid. And you’re not an ass-”
Suddenly looking horrified at herself, Susie quickly interrupted Kris, waving her hands for emphasis. “I don't care what parts you have! I don't care! That’s not my question!”
Kris also put their hands up, smiling even as they started feeling some second-hand embarrassment. “It’s *fine*, Susie. I’m not... Listen.” Kris took her hand in both of theirs, making sure she was looking at them before they continued. “I’ll tell you if... if I’m uncomfortable. Okay? I promise.” They squeezed her hand, feeling her rough scales on their palm. “You’re fine. Ask whatever.”
Susie took a few deep breaths, blinking several times as she did. Though her blush did not quite fade, she nodded at Kris, seemingly - finally - taking their words to heart. She patted their hand with her free one, just once, while another embarrassed giggle made me smile.
“Alright. Cool. I... Thanks, Kris.”
Kris just nodded, releasing her hand. They took another sip of water while they waited for Susie to compose herself, ready to spend the rest of lunch waiting if that’s how long it took. Thankfully, it didn’t.
“Fuck, this is almost more stressful than fighting the goddamn Titan was,” she laughed, and Kris laughed too. “AGH. Okay, so... So it’s *not* based on parts. Like, just ‘cuz I’m a girl, I can be nonbinary if I want?” She looked at Kris, clearly waiting for a response.
Kris took a moment, their eyes moving away as they seemed to choose their words with care. “Uhh... kinda? It doesn’t matter, like... what you’re born with. It’s what you *feel* like.” They looked at Susie again. She was still looking at them, waiting for elaboration, so Kris continued. “Like... I’m nonbinary because... I’m not a boy. And I’m not a girl. It doesn’t matter what... what parts I have. I just... I don’t... I don’t like being called ‘he’. Or ‘she’. It doesn’t... *feel* right. It makes... *That* makes me uncomfortable, you know?”
Susie nodded slowly, paying rapt attention to Kris as they explained. “Okay...” Her brows knit as she stared at the table. Kris waited, ready to continue if they needed to, but wanting to see if or what Susie had to say in response. While it took a minute, she did follow up. “So, earlier, when you said, ‘not always’ about the ‘he’ and ‘she’ and ‘they’, stuff... *You* want people to call you ‘they’, but Monster Kid might be okay if I called them ‘she’? And they’d still be nonbinary?”
“You’d have to ask them. But yeah, maybe.” Kris nodded. “Like, if you said... if you told me to... to call you ‘they’ sometimes... you can still be a girl. Does that make sense? Sorry, I... haven’t had to, like... explain this, really.” Kris rubbed the back of their neck, not out of discomfort, but from being treated like a potential authority on the topic.
“No, it’s...” Susie closed her eyes, shaking her head very slightly. “I appreciate you, like, dealing with this and explaining it.” She looked back at Kris. “Like I said, I tried to look it up, but it’s all so, like... I dunno...”
“Clinical?” Kris offered.
“Yeah!” Susie noticeably perked up at this. “Yeah, like... there’s *so many* terms to keep track of, and I just... it gets really confusing, y’know? Especially since, like, both you and Monster Kid use ‘they’, but not *everyone* does, even if they’re nonbinary? Sometimes they’re okay with ‘he’ or ‘she’, but *you’re* not. Right?”
Kris smiled, nodding again. “Right. Monster Kid might be... be okay with ‘he’ or ‘she’, but... you gotta ask. But yeah... they’re still nonbinary.”
“Okay...” Susie nodded, looking over at Monster Kid. “Alright, cool. So it’s got nothing to do with parts, it’s just what that person feels like? And not every nonbinary person *only* uses ‘they’?” She looked back at Kris for confirmation.
“Right.” Kris smiled, putting heavy emphasis on the word to let Susie know she’d more-or-less gotten it.
Susie sighed, very deeply. “Okay,” she said through her exhale, “Cool. Sorry, I know that was a lot, but thanks for being patient.”
“Of course, Susie. And... yeah, I’m not... probably not the best person to... explain it. I can... barely talk... you know?”
Susie flinched. “I know, and like, I’m sorry for making you talk so much, but...” Kris shook their head, but Susie still looked uncomfortable. “That’s, uh... that wasn’t really even my real question... so...”
Kris shrugged, pulling their phone out to check the time. “We still got... oh, like five minutes. And more time after... after class. If you want.” They put their phone back, smiling at their friend. “I don’t mind. I’m not, like... an expert, or anything, but... yeah, I’ll try to help with... whatever.”
“Okay. Thank you, by the way. I know it’s not easy for you to talk, and I’m not asking you to act like an expert. But this is a lot easier than trying to figure this shit out on my own, y’know?”
Kris nodded again. “Happy to help.”
With another deep breath, Susie held her hand up, counting on her fingers as she talked. “Okay, so we got girls, boys, nonbinary people. That I already knew. And it *doesn’t* matter if you got a dick or a pussy or whatever, you can be whatever you want. Right?”
“Basically,” Kris agreed, saving any nuance for further questions.
“Okay. So when I was looking all this shit up, I saw the word ‘transgender’, so I clicked it, and it basically means, ‘I used to be a boy, but now I’m a girl’. Or the other way around. Right?”
Kris nodded, sipping from their water as they did.
“Like Ralsei.”
Kris spit half their water out and inhaled the other half. They tried to laugh, but were too busy coughing and hacking, trying to catch their breath. One hand went flat on the table top as they doubled over, sputtering while their face turned red, half from incredulity and half from oxygen deprivation.
(I know you’re actively dying, but that’s funny as fuck,) I said, knowing full well I’d be doing the same as Kris in their position.
(Shut...) They couldn’t even finish their thought.
“What?” They heard Susie ask.
Kris would have answered if they physically could, but I suspected they had several more seconds of coughing before they could. Still choking, their face and ears grew hot as tears raced down their cheeks and blurred their vision. Kris looked at the very confused Susie, waving their hands in front of them. Gradually, their coughs turned into laughs, though it was still another moment before they were composed enough to speak.
“Susie...” they sputtered, expelling more drops of water from their lungs, “That’s... that’s not...”
Susie’s shoulders hunched as she splayed her palms out. “What?! You just said it didn’t matter what parts someone has!”
Still coughing, laughing, and crying simultaneously, Kris slowly pulled themself together. “Right, but...” They wiped the tears from their eyes, giggling through their words. “Oh, fuck... Susie, that’s... I’m not laughing at you...”
“Fuckin’ looks like you are!”
“I promise,” Kris laughed, reaching across the table to touch her hand, “I promise I’m not... just... holy shit...” They took several deep breaths in through their nose, letting them out through their mouth as they fought their laughs off. “Susie... I can see why... why you thought that.” They wiped their eyes again, seeing Susie’s utter misunderstanding on her face and trying their best to correct it. “I really can. You didn’t... do anything wrong. I promise.”
Susie huffed, folding her arms across her chest as she waited for Kris to explain.
Truly, for-real-this-time composing themself, Kris met Susie’s annoyed eyes. “Susie... Ralsei *could* be a girl. He definitely could. But we don't know.”
Susie just shrugged, her eyes widening as she waited for more.
Kris spoke very deliberately, their words coming out even slower than usual. “Ralsei... he wears dresses. And... he does ‘girly’ stuff. Sure. But he... until he *says* something... we don't know.”
“Okayyy,” she said, turning her palm up and gesticulating with it as she spoke, “But what if he *is*?”
It was Kris’ turn to shrug. “Then that’s great! And honestly... it wouldn’t surprise me. But he’s gotta be... it’s *his* decision, you know? You can’t... you can’t *tell* him that.”
Susie’s brows furrowed deeply. “But *why*? If he *is* a girl, shouldn’t we be calling him one?”
Kris sighed, understanding exactly where Susie was coming from, but still looking for the right way to explain things. “Okay... think of it this way...” They made sure to make eye contact with her. “You don’t wear dresses. Or do makeup. You don’t... paint your claws... right?” Susie nodded, unsure where Kris was going with this. “Well, what if I thought... ‘Oh, that means Susie... she must be a boy!’... and I started calling you one?”
Susie shook her head, looking like Kris had just asked her if she cared if someone called her ‘purple’. “Why would I give a shit? I know what I am.”
Kris fought very hard to keep the exasperation from their voice. “Yes, but... not everyone is as... *tough*, as you. I guess, my point is... if you just started... calling people what... what *you* thought they were... honestly, you’d be an asshole.”
For just a second, Susie looked genuinely hurt by this. Kris felt bad at seeing her recoil at their words, but gave her time to process them anyway. She took her time, and Kris certainly didn’t mind.
Susie continued thinking until the bell rang, signalling the end of the lunch period. Neither Kris nor Susie so much as glanced at the bell, remaining exactly where they were.
Finally, Susie gave a heavy sigh. “I just feel like... wouldn’t we be helping him out?”
Kris also sighed, but for a different reason. “We’d probably... just make him... really uncomfortable.” They touched Susie’s hand again. “If you wanna help... be supportive. Tell him... his dresses are cute. If he... if he wears makeup... compliment him. You know? And if he tells us... that he’s a girl... we’ll be happy for him. Right?”
“Duh.” Susie smirked. “...He’d be a really cute girl, y’know?”
Kris laughed, nodding in agreement. “That’s... his decision, though.”
Susie nodded, standing after a moment and shrugging. “Alright. Thanks, Kris.” She picked up her lunch tray, tilting her head back and dumping the rest of its contents into her mouth. Kris smirked, standing and gathering their tray as well. They walked with Susie back towards the doors of the school, taking Susie’s empty tray from her as she swallowed the rest of her lunch.
She elbowed them lightly as they walked, making Kris look up to find her smiling. “Like, a *really* cute girl.”
Laughing, Kris could only shake their head.
(She’s so right, though.)
Before Kris could respond to me, Susie’s head snapped toward something in the distance, and she jogged ahead of Kris, calling out, “Hey, Monster Kid!”
“Susie...!” Kris stopped, covering their face with their free hand as embarrassment warmed their face again.
(...That’s kinda your fault, I think?)
(...I know.)