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Taph laid on the dock, feet dangling over the edge but not quite touching the water. The dots of light in the sky reflected off the mirror like surface. Not quite stars: the light was soulless, no warmth, but they were pretty against the unnaturally still water.
They had some flowers in their hand: Foxgloves and oleander. They don’t remember the meaning. From growing up near foxgloves, Taph knew that they were deadly.
They remember an old tale of a heartbroken wife poisoning her own tea after an… incident. The townsfolk say her sickly body wept even after death, and her grave has a marble angel crying over her, some stone-hearted mimicry of divinity mocking her sorrow.
One of their dark feathers drifted down, gently landing on the water’s surface. Taph watched as the little thing floated away- it was theirs, yes, but they did not care for it. Why should they? They take no pride in their wings.
Taph continues to sit there, cold biting in a way that was soothing- a comfortable burn on their skin. The slight discomfort kept their mind quiet, as if their thoughts have frozen over.
“Taph, the time is late,
is there any reason to wait?”
They don’t bother turning around. Only one person in the personal hell they’re trapped in talks like that, and there were no footsteps as the other approached. The mage continued to stand over the other- waiting for an answer that would never come.
Taph shrugged. They had no answer: they were not waiting. Was ‘just existing’ a reasonable answer?
The silence stretched over time, Taph pretended like the other did not exist, staring at the flowers instead. Not to be rude, but they wanted to be left alone- did the rhyming admin not realise that?
Accepting that they would not expand on an answer, the mage continued.
“I feel like you should head inside,
warmth would be good for fate’s ride”
Out of the corner of their eye Taph sees a hand reach out. They don’t react. They didn’t want to.
“Taph?”
They finally turn around. Looking up at the towering deity behind them- why does the mage look so tense?
“… Please?”
Taph supposed they should. No reason to make more people hate them, even if they didn’t want to.
They took the other’s hand, but they don’t let go of the flowers.
-
They sit on the couch- not quite sure what to do with their hands. Their wings twitch. Taph never liked the lukewarm of the main cabin.
They held a small arrangement of plants in their left hand. Anemone and a few yellow carnations. They don’t like the Carnations though, something about them felt like they didn’t apply to them.
That mage sits beside them again. Not floating; sitting.
They don’t bother with conversation. If the admin wants to speak, then he’ll start the conversation. If not- well- they will go back outside.
Conversation wafts through the stale air, not quite clear enough to listen to, but Taph doesn’t care. They just want to go back outside.
“I observe you look tense,
has something gone on hence?”
Taph simply glares out the corner of their eye. The mage isn’t tense. What gave him the impression that they care?
That’s cruel though. They don’t want to be cruel to him, he never did anything wrong to warrant rudeness. They won’t tell him that. They just won’t answer. They were always good at staying silent.
The admin doesn’t deserve their harsh thoughts, nor the distance. But after so long of protecting themselves with airless space, they don’t know how to breathe without suffocating.
The suffocation keeps people away. No one wants to test if they could hold their breath long enough pull them out. They were just fine drowning.
The other’s hand is close to theirs. They don’t know when he moved it. They pull it away, and fold the cruel, sharp talons of their hand into their lap. Taph grips the flowers tighter.
Someone calls for the mage. He hesitates, but someone else needs them in that moment. Taph let him leave, looking back at the flowers. Maybe they did match the yellow carnations. It could be seen better in the light, and it looked like what Taph would be if they were a plant. But just because they could see them now didn’t change the sick, hollow feeling in their chest.
The could retreat back to the dock in the ice-tempered air now. They brought the flowers with them.
-
They take a step onto the lake. They don’t slip- their boots were build to grip more difficult surfaces. The ice is fogged up, they could no longer see the stars in the water, covered and forgotten by the ice. But Taph remembers, even if the only thing they could see now was the soft but fake moonlight on the lake.
They continue walking forwards to a little island, previously protected and untouched by the moat of cold water. But since the water got cold enough to freeze, nothing stopped them from walking across to the island.
There was Heather and Butterfly Weed growing on the little island. Something made them approach.
They stopped a few meters from the island.
There was something cinematic about how the two plants were arranged: Heather perfectly surrounding the butterfly weed, two flowers that should never be able to grow in this environment. But for some reason, they called to Taph. They just had to reach out and-
…
It happened too fast.
They couldn’t see.
They were suffocating- pressed on by every inch of their skin by a liquid, sharp as knives.
And the cold.
It was freezing.
Taph gasped, they needed air, but nothing but icy water rushed into their lungs. They coughed, trying to force breath from the lake. Their clothes tugged down, dead weight they were trapped in. They couldn’t get to the surface…
What was the point in thrashing? They could do nothing but embrase the cold, dark depths, the water which gave them a hug like death- they were familiar with death in this realm, but there was nothing peaceful about when they bled out crying.
But this was nice. The cold burn that they leaned into.
The world didn’t move under the ice.
It was so cold.
The cold hurt, but the pain was almost comforting.
They peer through their eyelashes- rays of gentle blue light fell on them, the surface- they could try to reach it!
Taph extends an arm. Nothing grabs their hand.
The shadow of their hand blocks the light. They couldn’t reach the majestically framed rays of fake moonlight.
They sank further down, the corners of their vision fading to inky black.
They couldn’t see the light as well now, but did they truly want to reach for it?
It was so, so cold.
They didn’t panic. They wanted to stay like this, peaceful. The aching in their chest had stopped, flooded with water- it was as if they left that world, now in a new alien realm, one they preferred. One which dragged them down in a cold, comforting hug. One they didn’t really want to leave, ever. Taph’s ever-after. Forever.
Taph closes their eyes, relaxing into the dark’s arms, the dark’s soft touch.
They couldn’t feel the cold now.
They slipped into unconsciousness in the hug.
-
A hand grabbed theirs.
-
They feel like shit.
Taph coughs violently, air raking their throat as they throw up water. They are wet. Their body is covered in wet fabric, clothes sticking to skin.
They are cold again.
Freezing.
But they don’t feel at peace as they were before. Hard dirt and grass sticks to their hand as they claw for some kind of comfort.
A part of them wanted to go back to their peaceful rest under the ice. They wanted the quiet; the dark’s gentle guidance down. Down where? Didn’t matter.
They crack open their eyes-it’s a monumental effort, they are so tired. Everything is blurry and the world is sideways. They were lying down.
Someone is holding them down. They can feel the warm hands trembling- but they were dry. Taph doesn’t know why they were trembling.
Taph’s eyes pricked with tears, they were in pain. They want it to stop. Let them go back to the cold water under the ice, they liked that. Here though? They are in pain, everything hurts. Let them go.
They hear something. Sounds like their name. It isn’t clear, they felt lightheaded, thinking while their brain screamed for sleep.
They could see the lavender, growing through the cracked ground. They liked the smell.
The person holding them had really warm hands.
Their eyes fluttered closed again, weeping softly.
-
“Taph?”
“Taph! Stay awake, please”
“Someone help!”
“What happened? Dusekkar?”
“Shit, I need you to stay awake Taph”
“They must’ve fell through the ice!”
“Please.”
“Get them inside! They’ll freeze out here!”
“They’re breathing, we need to get them to cough up the rest of the water”
“Dusekkar?”
“Taph… please…”
“Taph”
“Taph”
Wake up.
-
It was warm.
The warmth grated against their skin, whether it came from the still air or the soft linen fabric they were surrounded by. The deceptive peacefulness was sickening. Or they just felt sick because of how their neck hurt.
Their throat ached, feeling rubbed raw- there was an iron taste in their mouth. Their limbs felt like lead. Breathing felt equivalent to a chore. A sharp pain pierced through their head. Thoughts came slowly to them.
There was a soft smelling the air, pine, fresh cut grass and something smokey. It was the same smell they were used to when they used to associate with the library in the Robloxia HQ.
The quiet hum of electricity served as background noise, but they could hear the soft breathing of someone nearby, as if someone was asleep.
They fought to open their eyes.
Him.
The mage dozed in a nearby chair, slumped in his sleep, curled inward in a way that Taph felt wasn’t comfortable. The soft dance of the flame inside the blue pumpkin flickered, slowly, as if the flame itself was dormant. It was pretty though.
Taph was now very aware of the skin bared to the light. Anyone could walk in and see their arms, with nothing more than a T-shirt and cycling shorts on. A soft cloth covered their face though, tied neatly at the back. Whoever put them here at least attempted to conceal their identity is a modest way. They were thankful for that.
They tried moving, the headache grew worse and they felt lightheaded, while their arms took more effort than necessary to move, propping themself up.
That movement enough was enough to wake the admin beside them. He straightened his back, ready to jump out of the seat, until his eyes laid on Taph. They couldn’t read what was on the pumpkin’s face. Was it worry? Or relief?
“Taph, my doe, Thou- You- You’re awake, I may glow!”
He stuttered the statement, standing. That’s weird. Taph knew that the deity only stuttered when distraught, upset. Scared.
Why would he be scared?
Taph merely blinked.
The mage knelt, leaning to their level.
‘What happened?’
The mage blinked. His brows furrowed.
“Taph… what happened was your vice,
unknown to us you fell through the ice!”
He choked out the words, grief flowing through his voice. Taph did not react.
’Ok.’
“Why do you say ok? Taph you almost drowned! I…”
He dropped the rhyme, eyes shimmering as if he was on the edge of tears. Taph felt bad- he was making a big deal out of a minor incident. So what if he drowned? That wasn’t a big deal. Unless of course, he saw it as selfish. The suppose it was a bit selfish, leaving them to deal with the killers alone, one less distraction. One less target.
“I was scared you wouldn’t wake… that never telling you would be one grave mistake…”
Taph paused. Dusekkar had something to tell them? Is that why he brought them inside earlier? It must be something serious due to how tense he was, but again it probably wasn’t important if he could put it off until after he was busy.
‘Tell me what?’
“I-“
Dusekkar froze, his fire stuttering as he thought. Taph merely watched, watched as Dusekkar, a divinity of wit and magic struggled for an answer.
Dusekkar seemed to conclude something, something Taph couldn’t figure out. Was it bad? Did they do something wrong? If they did then they don’t know whe-
Dusekkar’s flame was suddenly very close to them. His arms wrapped round them, a desperate embrace, almost like he believed that if he pressed his heart close enough to theirs, they could feel exactly what he felt.
Taph didn’t react. They didn’t know how. They didn’t know where to put their arms, or how to move their wings. It was like their brain short circuited.
“O doe, my star, my dearest,
I didn’t know you thought it’d come to this,
You- no- thou caused my heart to sink
When you went under the ice rink.
Thou mean so much to me, more than I say,
And I fear fate’s hate, should’it be left another day.
Taph…”
He pulled back, looking them in their eye. Taph couldn’t read what expression he had. They didn’t know what the poem meant either. They were confused, their head hurt, some pit in their chest hurt too, everything was bright, they just woke up.
Not here. Not now. Please.
They have no idea what he needs to say, and it’s clear it’s been weighing on him, they could see in the tired way his flame curled wound the air, like a hand with a faltering grip. It was selfish of them to want him to wait more, they know, but they need it.
They don’t need it that badly though.
Not compared to whatever Dusekkar said.
Not compared to whatever Dusekkar thought.
They needed to suck it up. Just hold it together for a bit and then they could break later, alone.
“Taph… I… art thou ok?”
Taph’s eyes burned, hot and painful, as they tried not to cry. Was that Dusekkar’s question. The poem didn’t match.
‘That is your question?’
Dusekkar blinked.
“Well, no, but thou seems upset,
If that’s the case the query can be offset
for the item of most importance ‘ere is thou,
After thou’s accident, thy’d hate to see a frown.”
‘Nonono- I’m fine, Please’ Taph pleaded, trying their best to control themselves. Whatever Dusekkar will say would be too much. They need space, not here, not now, but at the same time that’s not important. Dusekkar evidently needed to say this.
“Taph- I care, I’d not dream to push,
My query’s irrelevant- too much of a mush
Compared to the care thou deserve.
Asking may cause a… situation reserve- ”
‘I promise- I’m fine-“
Taph coughed from the violent breath they drew, their throat still burning with a pained ache.
Their hand was met with the cool of a glass, which they gripped and slipped under their bandanna. The water was icy, like the frost-infected lake outside. They liked that feeling, the spike of cold soothed the pain.
“Better?”
They didn’t nod. Taph’s eyes remained closed, blocking out the light, imagining they escaped back in that timeless world.
“Oh… Taph”
Dusekkar’s arms wrapped around them again, fire warming their face pleasantly. It was warm, possibly nice. His hand ran through their feathers, warm and gentle, almost comforting. But they couldn’t really care about the temperature- sleep seemed nice right now.
They slipped into unconsciousness in the hug.