Chapter Text
Sinner
The hot summer sun blazed down, causing beads of sweat to form along Izuku's freckled skin. As his hands curled around the straps of his backpack, reality set in — he was really doing this. All around him, other kids his age were chatting and giggling, waiting for the bus drivers to unload their suitcases. Camp counselors, who only looked a year or two older than him, were huddled together, holding miscellaneous papers and keys.
Izuku looked around at the groups of campers, all of which seemed to have friends already. He was the only person standing alone.
Honestly, he had no clue what he was doing here. He wasn't religious, at least, he hadn't been for awhile. It was hard to believe in a god when you felt cursed.
"Hey, you!" A voice shouted, catching his attention.
Izuku looked around in search of the voice, eyes drawn to a smiling brunette girl. She was wearing a plain white tee and jean shorts, as well as a pink backpack with pins on the straps.
"Yeah, you," she repeated. "With the green hair!"
He blinked, confused. The brunette waved him over, to which he complied.
"Hi!" She smiled, offering her hand. "I'm Uraraka Ochako,"
"I'm Midoriya Izuku," he greeted softly, shaking her hand.
"Is this your first year here?" Ochako asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Yeah," he nodded sheepishly. "You?" He asked.
"Nah, I've been coming here for… say, six or seven years now," she shrugged. "I saw you standing alone and didn't recognize you."
Izuku sighed internally, he felt so out of place.
"So, what's it like? I've never been to one of these things before."
The brunette hummed, tapping her lip with her finger. "Well, today is mostly just orientation, everyone will take a tour of the campsite, then get assigned to their cabins. Usually there's a bonfire on the first night, that's always fun!" She smiled. "Tomorrow we'll start doing worship in the mornings before breakfast, then bible study after lunch. Plus all the usual camp activities," she added.
Worship? Bible study? The thought made him sick. Mindlessly, one of his hands found the cross charm on his necklace, and began fidgeting with it nervously.
Before he could reply, one of the counselors called for their attention.
"Alright everyone, settle down!" He shouted.
Izuku's eyes scanned through the crowd, before finding the tall, blond man. He had notably blue eyes, and a cheery smile plastered across his face.
"Welcome to camp!" The man smiled. "I'm your head counselor, Mirio. I know most of you have been here already, but there's a few new faces, so make sure to wish them a warm welcome!"
Mirio motioned to a sweet-looking girl beside him with long, periwinkle colored hair.
"I'm Hado Nejire, another one of the head counselors!" She beamed. "If you have any questions about anything, don't be afraid to ask," she nodded.
Beside her, stood a dark haired boy. His head was down, angled towards the ground, rather than the crowd. Nejire mumbled something to him, which earned a subtle head shake.
She sighed. "This is Tamaki, most of you know he's a little shy," she chuckled. "Now, lets get started on our tour!"
"Everyone follow us, and don't break off from the group please!" Mirio announced, beginning the tour.
"C'mon." Ochako smiled, grabbing Izuku's wrist and pulling him along.
Quickly, they were lost in the crowd, but Izuku could still feel the burning touch on his arm. It felt… wrong, somehow.
The tour was nothing special, the head counselors showed them around the campsite, explaining the different activities that would take place throughout the next few weeks. By the end of it, they'd circled back to the buses. All their luggage had been unloaded, and was now sitting on the sidewalk, waiting to be claimed.
"Once everyone has their things, we'll get you sorted into your cabins." Nejire announced, waving a small stack of papers.
The crowd of campers were already rummaging through the bags and suitcases, claiming their own belongings. By the time Izuku grabbed his suitcase, Mirio was already calling out names.
"Alright, in Kyoka's cabin we have…"
Izuku absent-mindlessly tuned him out.
"I guess I'll see ya' around." Ochako smiled, picking up her duffle bag.
"Oh, yeah," he nodded.
The brunette waved before pushing her way through the crowd. Slowly but surely, the group became smaller and smaller, until there was only a few of them left.
"Looks like the rest of ya' extras are in my cabin," a new voice grumbled.
"Katsuki, be welcoming!" Another counselor scoffed, swatting his arm.
The ash-blond rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively. "My name's Katsuki, I'll be your cabin leader, yada yada,"
Without another word, he turned on his heels, leading them to their cabin. Izuku frowned, worried this would be a long summer.
"Don't worry about him, he's just an old grump,"
The freckled boy turned to the side, finding a smiling red-head.
"You're new, yeah? I'm Eijirou," he continued.
"Uh, yeah." Izuku nodded, surprised. "Midoriya Izuku," he added.
"Well, welcome to camp!" Eijirou smiled. "It's always nice seeing new faces around here, usually it's the same group every summer. Also, Katsuki's not as mean as he looks," he assured.
Izuku nodded, still taken aback by how talkative this stranger was.
When they arrived a the cabin, Katsuki swung the door open, not bothering to hold it for any of them.
"Okay, extras, pick your bunks, this one's mine," the blond said noncommittally, climbing onto one of the top bunks.
"Ei, share a bed with meeee!" One of the other boys shouted, earning a chuckle from the redhead.
Izuku looked around at his cabinmates, only feeling more out of place. Everyone here knew each other.
Quietly, he sat down on the bunk beneath Katsuki's, figuring everyone else already picked a bunk-buddy.
"Oi," a voice above him called. "Who're you?"
The green-haired boy looked up, meeting an oddly familiar pair of crimson eyes.
"M-Midoriya Izuku," he replied sheepishly.
Katsuki narrowed his eyes, as if he was looking for something, before grumbling and laying back down.
"You better not be a restless sleeper," he scoffed.
"I'm not." Izuku assured, earning no response.
Later that evening, after everyone was settled in, it was time for the bonfire. Naturally, everyone fell into their own groups, talking and laughing with their friends. Izuku felt like an outsider — he didn't belong here.
"Izuku!" Ochako shouted, waving her arm in the air with a smile.
The freckled boy perked up, looking in her direction, before walking towards her. Now, she was wearing purple sweatpants and a pink tank top, matching with the girl beside her.
"Guys, this is Izuku, it's his first summer here!" The brunette smiled.
"Hi," he waved shyly.
"Awh, he's cute, 'chako!" A blonde girl chuckled, making his cheeks turn red.
"T-Thanks," he muttered, looking to the side.
"Himiko, don't scare him off!" Ochako scolded. "Anyway, this is Himiko," she continued, motioning towards the blonde. "And that's Mina and Shoto,"
"Nice to meet you," the two-toned haired boy said.
Ochako motioned for him to sit next to her, patting the bench with her hand. As the group fell into casual conversation, Izuku silently observed. For a moment, his eyes wandered, falling on his cabin leader. Katsuki turned, eyes meeting his from across the fire. Something in his stomach twisted as the blond quickly looked away.
"Hello?" Mina chuckled, waving her hand in front of his face.
"Hm?" He replied, blinking his eyes into focus. "Oh, sorry," he said sheepishly.
The pink-haired girl shrugged, brushing it off. "You're in Katsuki's cabin, right?" She asked.
Izuku nodded, humming.
"I'm sure Eijirou already told you, but Kats is a bit of a grump, he'll warm up eventually."
"Oh, yeah, he's always giving people the cold shoulder, don't take it personally." Ochako added.
"Okay," he replied, offering a fake smile.
Despite being surrounded by people, he felt more alone than ever. He fiddled with his cross necklace, choking down the lump in his throat as he tried his hardest to seem normal, but deep down, he knew what he was. He knew he didn't belong here, no matter how much he wished he did. No matter how hard he prayed, how many times he wished, or how hard he tried to be different, he'd always be a sinner.
Izuku would always be a sinner.
It wasn't fair. All these people we're perfect, godly people. They followed the rules, stayed in line. They didn't have to try, didn't have to force themselves to be different. They were normal.
Izuku wasn't. And it haunted him.
As the night went on, he awkwardly tried to join the conversation, but his attempts fell flat with every missed queue.
"Wake up, idiots!" Katsuki shouted.
Izuku grumbled, stuffing his face into his pillow.
"That includes you," the blond added.
Reluctantly, he peeked an eye open, only to be blinded by the morning sun slipping in through the window. The rest of his cabinmates were climbing out of bed as well, hair and sheets tousled.
"We gotta be at the mess haul in ten if we wanna get first dibs!" Denki exclaimed, stretching his arms above his head.
"Only you would be thinking about food first thing in the morning." Eijirou scoffed, shaking his head.
Izuku dragged himself out of bed, rubbing his eyes as he adjusted to the light. Lazily, he dug through his bag, looking for something to wear. Eventually, he settled on his usual jean shorts and a plain tee. He slipped on his red sneakers before following the rest of his cabin to the dining haul.
The warm morning sun was alright shining down on the campsite, casting golden streaks across the dirt paths. Conversations of other campers blended with the distant chirps of birds as Izuku silently followed the crowd, before a tap on his shoulder broke him from his solitude.
"Mornin'!" Ochako smiled.
Beside her, Mina and Himiko waved, offering kind smiles.
"Oh, morning," he greeted, tilting his head sheepishly.
"Wanna eat breakfast with us?" Mina chimed.
Izuku glanced at the rest of his cabinmates, watching them all talk so naturally, then back a the smiling faces beside him before nodding. If he's gonna be here for most of the summer, he might as well try to fit in somewhere.
"Cool!" The pink-haired girl beamed, grabbing his wrist and skipping along.
For the first time since he got to camp, Izuku found himself smiling and laughing. Mina and Himiko told him stories about past summers here, and Ochako gave him the run down on everyone in his cabin. As the morning went by, he started to feel a little more welcome.
"Yeah, I've known Katsuki for years." Kyoka snorted. "I mean, I'm surprised you—" she cut herself off, eyes darting across the room. "Nevermind," she chuckled, shaking her head.
Izuku quirked an eyebrow, following her line of sight. A few tables over, Katsuki was standing against the wall, arms crossed. He was scowling, like usual. Ignoring his curiosity, he brushed it off.
"Anyway, it's almost time for sermon, we should get going." Kyoka added.
The group nodded in agreement, already picking up their trays. But Izuku still couldn't shake the weird feeling in his stomach about Katsuki.
"Wanna sit with us during sermon?" Himiko asked, swinging her leg back and forth above the gravel.
"He can't." Kyoka chimed in. "This year all the campers are supposed to stay with their cabin leaders during church activities."
"Oh, okay." Izuku nodded. "I'll see you guys later then,"
"Later!" Ochako waved.
Izuku wandered back towards his group, ignoring the feeling in his gut. As they walked into the church, an overwhelming feeling of guilt rushed over him. He knew, deep down, he was a fraud. He could pretend he was a good, Christian boy all he wanted, but he knew what he was.
As the pastor began his lesson, all Izuku could think about were the nights he stayed up, hoping someone was out there to heal him. He prayed every night, wishing there was a god out there. Though, if there was, he'd have to live with the fact that his existence is wrong. He'd have to live knowing his love was wrong, all because he loved men.
How can loving someone be wrong? He'd ask himself, still unable to find the answer.
Absentmindedly, his eyes wandered to the blond at the end of the row. His head was lowered, eyes locked on the bible in his lap. Silently, Katsuki clasped his hands together, touching them to his forehead, and closed his eyes. In that moment, he looked so peaceful.
Izuku swallowed dry and averted his gaze. Guilt took over him once again, burning his throat like the chain around his neck. He squeezed his eyes shut, hanging his head, as he whispered a prayer, barely loud enough for himself to hear.
"Just make me normal," he begged, willing away tears. "Wash me clean from my sins, for I am dirty." The words tasted bitter on his tongue, but he repeated them anyway. He repeated them like a mantra anytime he caught himself 'slipping up';every time he dared to even think about loving a man, let alone feel attraction to one.
That morning, he scrubbed himself clean in the shower, choking back tears. But no amount of soap could wash away the sin of his love. No amount of scrubbing could make him holy. That night, he laid awake in bed, staring up at the top bunk, praying his thoughts would go away. But somehow, his prayers always landed on deaf ears.