Chapter Text
Don doesn’t remember his mother’s face, he realises while staring into the orphanage mirror. Eyes a pit less void as he watched himself.
He remembers watching her leave the hotel they were staying at while on holiday in America, remembers waiting hours until he realised she wasn’t returning.
His young heart aching as he waited and waited for her to turn the key and greet him so they could get to the airport in time for their flight.
The cleaner found him in a corner crying for his mommy. It must’ve been a shock for her, seeing the young boy curled and crying out in another language well past his checkout time.
He remembers the gasp, the confusing questions the American spoke to the Dutch, the flashing red and blue lights as he sat in the lobby.
He remembers a man in a suit talking to him, police officers, then an office…
Then foster home to foster home, before being sent to an orphanage.
Nobody wanted a foreigner kid who didn’t know English – ‘Too much work’, they said.
He doesn’t remember her eye colour, smile, hair and how she carried herself.
He doesn’t think he wants too anyways.
“Don Kaaklijn, get out of the bathroom, your time is up!” He dragged his eyes away from the mirror and tugged a shirt over his head before leaving the bathroom. He slid his tongue over his teeth, tasting the minty flavour the residue of the toothpaste left.
“I got it, there’s a clock in there you know.” He grumbled, sliding his palms across his shirt to smooth it.
“No attitude from you, young man.” The older woman always carried a grumpy face, tugging his ear until he winced and grimaced before letting go. “Go to breakfast, you’re wasting time.” She quipped, giving his back a shove before ushering another kid into the bathroom for their turn.
Don gave her a side eye before trekking to the dining room. The constant chatter of younger kids – him being the oldest at 14, nearly 15 – irritating him beyond belief. A constant furrow in his brows and downturned lips.
He served himself a small bowl of stale cereal before sitting in a chair between two kids bickering and throwing food. He ate it, chewing it slowly.
The cereal always tasted like cardboard here. Maybe it’s because he was so used to it, maybe it’s because it was stale. He doesn’t know.
The bowl emptied quick, his hunger not sated. He carried his bowl to the ‘dirty dishes’ tray and placed it there before doing the walk to the backyard-courtyard arrangement. It was small, but he had an entire portion of it to himself.
The younger kids too afraid to cross Don, seeing his temper and knowing he’d get mad or yell at them for trying to ‘take his spot’.
He sat on a bench, facing the fence that caged them inside, per usual. He always watched the outside. Sometimes he was lucky enough to see a stray dog or the flowers bloom during springtime.
The sun was heavy as it beamed down on him, yet he didn’t move. He spoke Dutch to himself most of the time. No matter how long he stayed in this god-forsaken country, no matter how many times they made him speak English strictly, he would not lose his native tongue.
Often singing songs he can recall his mother sang before his abandonment, most of the lyrics wrong and his voice horrible, but it made him feel a little more comfortable here.
He leans back against the splintering backrest of the bench, staring at the clouds as he thinks of his room. 3 beds yet only 1 occupied – by him. The other two who were with him got adopted the week prior. He hopes he gets a few more days to himself, but in a country like this, kids are coming in every other day. A week was already rare for him.
The workers told him it would be hard to get adopted at his age. He would likely have to age out, they said.
It always made him nauseous to think about it, so he rarely did.
…
Unless it was night and he was curled in his bed, sobbing into the palm of his hand as he cries out for his mother so much like he did when he was 7. Begging for her to come back and save him from the horrible place.
It never happened.
…
He stayed in the courtyard until the sky was starting to orange, skipping lunch since they always made some gross soggy meal that’d make him throw up.
He stayed watching the clouds shift, making patterns that he’d give names to. Stayed and watched the leaves of the trees surrounding the place fall and fly around in the breeze.
Stayed until he was yelled at to get back inside so they could lock up the doors.
He slumped as he made his way through the overgrown grass, to the patio, then into the orphanage so one of the workers – Coco, or something like that – could lock up.
He made his way up the stairs, trying to tune out the other kids jumping on their beds and shouting until he found his room.
…The light was on under the door, and he heard grating on the other side. He must’ve jinxed himself when he was outside.
He opened it and dragged his eyes to the floor revealing 2 new sets of shoes by the door and a trash bag of mixed stuff. His eyes wandered up until he saw a young girl trying to push one of the single beds towards the other to connect them. His lips thinned as he gazed to the left and saw a boy – younger than the girl – watching her try to conjoin them while cheering her on.
Both paused what they were doing to look at Don. His shoulders tensed and eyes widened before shrinking again, sucking the back of his teeth.
The girl was the first to pipe up.
“Hello, roomie!” She was loud, was the first thing that registered in Don’s head since he opened the door. He ignored her, untensing the slightest bit before walking over to his bed and crawling into it.
“I’m Katie!” She exclaimed, going back to trying to push the bed, letting out grunts as the metal frame didn’t move.
“I’m 8, and my favourite colour is pink, and I like unicorns and dogs and cats and-“
“Stop talking! God, you are so- so loud and grating and annoying!” Don sat up, turning to look at her with clenched fists.
“Are you kidding me? You got here and you’re trying to make conversation. Just get in your verdomd bed and shut the hell up!”
The girl – Katie – stopped what she was doing and tensed before swallowing.
“I can’t… I need to push this one so it’s touching that one.” She pointed towards the free bed with the boy on it. “I told Ash that when we came here, I’d have a bed beside him.”
Don dragged both of his hands down his face.
“Wat de fuck. Ik haat het hier.” He sighed. “The beds are bolted to the floor; you can’t move them.”
Katie stopped trying to push the bed, standing back and staring at it in defeat.
“B-but you said you’d sleep beside me!” The boy, Ash, started wailing, eyes starting to water and not long after running down his cheeks.
Don groaned and rolled over, pulling his pillow over his ears until dinner was called, Katie rushing over to console Ash.
It took another hour for the headmaster to call dinner, by then the crying had stopped and the girl was in Ash’s bed, watching him colour.
Don rolled over and sat up in his bed, hanging his feet over the edge before standing. He paid no mind to the two and headed to the door, opening it.
“Hey! Can you tell them we’ll be down in a moment.” Katie asked, looking up when she heard the door open.
“No, you have to come now, or they won’t serve you dinner.” He left without seeing their reactions.
Katie stood up, helping Ash off of the bed and holding his hand as they trailed behind Don from a distance.
They followed him all the way to the dining room, even sitting beside him as dinner was served.
“So… what’s your name?” She asked, kicking her legs as she sat in the chair.
He waited, staring down at his plate, contemplating giving her an answer.
“…Don Kaaklijn.” He stuck his fork into an asparagus and pressed it into his mouth.
“Oh cool, I’m Katherine B, but I like being called Katie. My brother is Ash Swags, but he just likes being-“
“I know. You told me earlier.” He cut her off, putting another vegetable in his mouth.
“Oh, yeah! I forgot, haha!” she laughed, almost knocking over his water if he didn’t intervene.
“Stop messing around and just eat your food.” He snapped, glaring at her.
Katie pouted a little before helping ash with cutting his food portion, transferring most of her chicken and vegies to the kid’s plate alongside his own. Don watched with the corner of his eye as she gave most of her food to the other. He stared down at his own plate, feeling some sort of guilt – a kind he had never felt.
Katie helped Ash, cutting his food to small pieces and making sure he ate cleanly before eating the small amount left on her own. The food was most definitely cold after the long time she spent assisting her younger brother with his own meal.
Don felt a tug on his heart, watching the siblings care for each other, a care he’s never had.
He swallows the piece of chicken in his mouth before pushing his plate towards her, around half of his meal left over.
She eyes him for a second before talking.
“What’s this for?” she strained her neck to look at his face.
“I’m full, unless you don’t want it.” He cleared his throat, slowly pulling the plate closer to himself before she grabbed it.
“No- I want it.” She said lowly, watching Don more cautious than she had ever. He released the plate from his grasp and looked away as she transferred his ‘leftovers’ to her own. “Thanks.” She murmured, continuing to eat.
“Whatever.” Was all she got in response as Don’s name was called to have a bath, change and brush his teeth.
…
Don scrubbed at his scalp, lathering the cheap soap roughly into his hair.
He doesn’t know why he felt guilty, and why he gave his food to her.
His stomach groaned in complaint, yet he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it despite everything.
He stood under the shower head and let the soap rinse from his hair. He turned the shower off, stepping out and steadying himself on the towel shelf as he nearly slipped. He grabbed one of the towels and dried himself off, rubbing at his hair until it was mostly dry.
He began brushing his teeth as he changed, scrubbing with one hand as the other tugged on clothes.
He spat the mixture of spit and toothpaste out and rinsed his brush before leaving and migrating back to his room.
When he entered the siblings were in one bed, Katie reading to the younger.
“Don! Hey Don! I’m reading right now!” She smiled at him.
Don kept an uninterested expression as he went to his bed, kneeling at the edge to pull out a box, sifting through the small number of items before pulling out a book of his own - De donkere kamer van Damokles – then climbing onto his bed.
Ash’s head lolled onto Katie’s shoulder before she gently guided him under the covers and slid out and onto the floor.
She cautiously walked towards Don; he ignored her until she got close enough to see his book.
“What are you doing?” He tilted his book away from her. She ignored his question.
“Wow! That doesn’t look like English.” She leaned forward onto his bed to get a closer look.
“Because it’s not.” He furrowed his brows, moving away from her until he was pressed against the wall.
“Wow, you know more than just English! That’s so cool, I always wanted to know another language before-.” She paused, frowning for a second before clicking back.
“Will you read it to me?” Don stared at her, uncomfortable for a moment.
“I- I guess? You won’t understand it though...- and you must be in your own bed.” He moved back, cozying back into his bed.
“That’s okay! I’ve never been read to before!” She got giddy, rushing back to her bed and sliding under the covers.
“Whatever…” Don muttered.
He began reading aloud, Katie staring at him intensively as he continued from where he got interrupted from.
“Je bent hier namelijk in de do-…”
Don kept reading aloud until the lights turned off, until Katie’s eyes were shut.
His heart swelled with something he had not felt before. He quickly shut the feeling down before dog-earing the page and sliding it back into the box.
He rolled over, curling and shutting his eyes.
He fell asleep without remembering, without crying for the first time in weeks.
It had been a month or two since Ash and Katie showed up in his room. They had gotten more acquainted than he had expected they would. He has never been friendly with his roommates when they arrived at the orphanage, but the siblings were different.
The three of them were in the courtyard, Don in his usual spot, Katie and Ash playing together in the sandpit.
He watched the clouds shift per usual, forming animals that he’d attempt to name in English- but most of the time he’d just say it in Dutch, forgetting the English translation.
“Hey! Stop that!” Don’s jaw clenched as he heard Katie’s angered voice, continuing to stare at the clouds, more distracted, however.
“Stooop!!” Katie waved her arms around at the kid who just kicked over her and Ash’s sandcastle, the boy pouting at the ruins.
“What are you going to do about it, ginger!” The boy shoved Katie backwards until she fell back, catching herself on her hands.
Tears welled in her eyes as she sniffled.
“I-I’ll- I’ll tell-“
“Oh what, you’ll tell the headmaster on me? We all know he doesn’t care!” He taunted, leaning over Katie.
Don finally looked over, seeing the boy older than Katie tower over her. Something in his jaw tightened, hands clenched and something in his gut hurt at the sight. He stood.
The kid standing over Katie grabbed a handful of sand, throwing it in her face. Tears ran down her cheeks as she sniffled, Ash standing and trying to push the kid over, only to get hit by the boy.
“Hey!” Katie reached towards Ash. “I- I’ll tell my- my bigger brother on you!” she spat out at last, glaring at the bully and holding Ash’s hand.
“Oh? And who’s that? We all know you’re a freak who came from-“
“Me.” The kid slow turned to see Don standing over him, he tensed. Don shoved the kid aside and grabbed Ash by his arm, lifting him up before doing the same with Katie, pulling the two crying kids behind him towards his bench.
“Don’t go to the sandpit again.” Don clicked his tongue, ignoring the sniffles of the siblings behind him.
He let the two of them sit down on his bench, dusting their hands and knees off.
“And quit the crying.” He murmured, side-eyeing them.
Katie rubbed at her eyes, brushing sand away. She turned and helped Ash.
“Thanks, Don.” She sniffed. Ash continued crying.
“Why won’t he stop?” Don asked- he didn’t sound mad, just confused for once.
“He’s 5. Kids his age feel pain very hard. He gets scared and cries for ages.” She swiped at Ash’s hair, ridding it of the excess sand. “I remember crying for hours when I was his age.”
Don swallowed, shutting his eyes for a second.
“How can we make him stop then?” Katie thought for a moment, bringing a finger to her chin.
“Aha! Making him laugh will stop him from crying.” She tried to tickle Ash, only ending up with louder cries which caused Don to flinch away at the noise.
“verdomme!” He covered his ears. He lowered them after a second, grabbing a blade of grass and pressing it between his two thumbs. He held his hands up to his face and blowed, producing a loud whistling sound. It only served to make him more upset.
“Too loud! Too loud.” Katie covered Ash’s ears.
Don furrowed his brows and sighed, before allowing the grass blade to fall and instead cupping his hands together to do a bird call.
Ash’s crying toned down as his eyes opened to watch Don with slight awe.
He was still crying but… quieter. Don watched from his peripheral as he continued the bird call.
He watched as Ash wiped his tears on his own and tried mimicking Don.
He lowered his hands and watched Ash try to copy him.
It ended in just the sound of air being hit around in his hand, but Ash busted into giggles.
“Wow! I don’t do that!” Ash giggled, leaning into Don, who tensed under the contact before relaxing.
He glanced at Katie who just let out a laugh of her own at the sight.
He’d never admit it, but he chuckled a little too.
After that day, they were closer. Hanging together every single hour of the day outside of chores and cleanup.
They spend longer talking, playing, Don even engaging in small games of tag or hide and seek with the two siblings.
Ash began calling him ‘brother’ after a while, alongside Katie who followed shortly after.
No matter how much Don denied it, said he didn’t like it, they didn’t stop.
He was lying anyways.
Don walked about the small, local store alone after being allowed to leave with his pocket money he got from chores.
He doesn’t know why he wandered into the bookstore; everything was in English- which he couldn’t read.
He walked slowly between isles, the words of each book unintelligible for him. He stopped in front of one of them.
It showed an image, above it letters he couldn’t piece together.
The image showed the intricate winds of long hair being turned into something else- vlechten; braids – and other sorts of hair styles for longer hair.
He stared at it, at the price.
9 dollars 99 cents. A little under half of his money.
He let out a breath, contemplating for a while before grabbing it and heading to the front desk to buy it.
He left the store with a book on hairstyles for long hair. His hair was short- he always kept it short.
He ignored his purchase and instead kept wandering around, reaching a candy shop and buying an assortment of candy for the three of them to share when he got back, and a cheap grooming set with an assortment of hair ties, combs, hairbrushes and a small bottle of hair detangler.
He arrived back to the orphanage with a bag full of items. The other kids watched him and tried peeking into his bag which he pulled away and hid from them until he made it back to his room.
He opened the door and got greeted by the two siblings.
“DOON!!!” Ash ran towards him, hugging his leg, Katie following.
“We missed you.” Katie let go, moving back.
Don smiled and set the bag down on Katie’s bed. The two of them ran over to peek inside.
He pulled out the contents- the siblings’ eyes going towards the candy.
“WOAH! You got candy!” Ash jumped up and down in excitement.
“Could we have some?” Katie asked shyly, cheeks blushed and a small smile on her face
Don laughed and agreed, letting the two to have some- just to make sure to share and leave some for him.
He continued, pulling out the hair-book and kit.
“what’s this?” Katie stopped midway through a lolly, staring down at the items.
“I-uh… I dunno but… but I saw the hairstyle on the front and it reminded me of your hair so I thought I could… you know, help.” Don stuttered over his words.
Katie stared at him and pouted.
“Really?” Katie stared at him, eyes watering.
“Wait- no don’t cry I’m sorry!” Don started panicking before Katie hugged his side.
“I’m not sad- just- so happy… You’re such a good big brother.” She sniffled into his side.
He relaxed, resting his hand on her back, allowing her to cry into his side.
His heart always clenched whenever they called him their big brother.
“Of course, Katie.” Ash joined in on their hug, candy hanging half out of his mouth.
He looked confused- probably not knowing what happened.
“I love you, Don.” His heart warmed, and tears came to his own eyes.
“Love you too, sis…”
Turns out doing hair is harder than Don ever expected after his first attempt on trying to do Katie’s. It ended up in knots, and he had the struggle of trying to de-tangle a resisting Katie. Especially since the instructions were English and he refused to admit he couldn’t read them.
“uhh… I think that is correct.” He said after several attempts, looking down at the book that was flipped open to a page, about braids he gauged, back to Katie’s hair.
By no means did it look good, but it was correct for learning on horribly drawn instructions, so Don took that as a win.
Katie reached a hand back to feel it, smiling and bouncing in excitement.
“Oh my god! Thank you, Don!” She turned to hug Don. “I can finally have other hairstyles than just ponytails and having it out!”
Don smiled and hugged her.
“No problem, Katie.”
…
“Can you do mine too?” Ash asked meekly, reaching back to feel his own, slightly long overgrown hair.
“Of course, I’ll try, buddy.” Katie moved out of the way and Ash crawled in between Don’s legs so the older boy could braid his similarly to his sisters.
Don stuck his tongue out, beginning to separate his hair into 3 parts beginning the process of remembering how he did Katie’s hair.
It ended just as poorly but everyone was happy so it didn’t matter much to Don.
Don’s 15th birthday arrived quicker than he had expected. So had the talk of jobs, legal conversations regarding his age in the system, the talk of probably never getting adopted, ever.
What he didn’t prepare for was the movement of his placement. Apparently, this orphanage was kids to early teens.
“Wait- what? Nono- you don’t, I’m not- I can’t move.” He panicked, eyes wide and words frantic.
“you’re at the age we can’t care for, Don. You will be moved to a mid to late teen facility to learn about obligations outside of chores and running around playing games.”
Don felt nauseous, the thought of moving to another orphanage across the state- away from Katie and Ash.
“A car will come on Sunday to get you. You will have all of your things packed and ready to migrate up north, it will be a long trip. Only take what is necessary.”
And with that, the worker stood and left Don behind in the orphanage office.
He stood, stumbling out after a few moments of sitting and towards the bathroom where he promptly hurled over the edge of the toilet bowl.
Sad tears ran down his face for the first time in God knows long. He sniffled and stood, sobbing and breathing heavily as he flushed the toilet and left the bathroom.
Kids stared at the hysteric Don, never have seen him crying- let alone as hard as he is now.
“Verdomme...” He swiped at his face roughly as he continued weeping, ignoring the eyes he felt and whispers he heard.
He swung open the door to his room.
“Don! How’d it g- “Katie looked up from where she was reading to Ash, expression dropping as she noticed the mess of a man he was.
“Verdomme, Katie, Ash, Verdomme...” He shut the door before falling to his knees, pressing his hands to his eyes as he continued sobbing.
Katie stood up and slid off the bed quickly, rushing over to Don’s side and wrapping him in a hug, Ash following behind.
“Verdomme. I- I can’t-“Don hicked and choked on his sobs, body shaking with each one.
“What happened?” She asked, frantic. Her heart sunk and hurt with the pain for her brother-figure. She had never seen Don like this. She always saw the strong, hearty Don, never… whatever this was.
Don felt small as his brother and sister hugged him.
“I- I’m being-“ He sniffled, choking and coughing on his tears. “I’m being moved-“
If Katie and Ash’s heart hadn’t sunk before, it most definitely has sunken now.
“What…?” Ash asked, voice as small as it was the first day he arrived with Katie.
