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Maddie yawns as the rain outside intensifies. She’s been awake since five this morning – Chim and the rest of the 118 were called to an emergency shift after a mudslide since it had been raining non-stop for the past week and a half. She was off shift but had Jee and Nash all planned out to spend the day with the Lees.
Unfortunately, Chim being called to a shift meant Buck and Eddie were on call too and since it was Saturday at barely five in the morning there were no available daycares nor babysitters so Maddie – naturally – offered to take care of Theo for the day.
It was supposed to be a twelve-hour shift at most, Maddie and Theo would be fine hanging out together.
It wouldn’t be the first time Maddie took care of Theo all by herself. After all she had two children of her own – not to mention the fact that she basically raised Buck all by herself when she was barely a teenager.
Taking care of Theo – his extended energy included – usually was not a problem.
And by ‘usually’ Maddie meant the fact that the hatred towards raging thunderstorm outside was something Theo inherited from her little brother.
He had a little trouble falling asleep during the storm so neither Buck nor Eddie wanted to leave him alone – or in daycare – without the extra support.
It wasn’t that Theo was particularly making problems during those times. It was just the fact that he had extremely vivid nightmares and needed some time to reorient himself after waking up.
It was barely mid-day and Theo was finally down for a nap after he climbed the walls since Buck and Eddie dropped him off that morning. Talking a mile a minute about everything he learned in pre school and went on and on how Christopher showed him the Volcano experiment when Buck and Eddie went to the grocery store and the boys were bored at home all alone.
Maddie laughed when Theo impersonated Buck and Eddie when they saw the ‘lava’ spilled all over the kitchen counters and tiles: how Christopher tried to shut Theo up so they wouldn’t get into more trouble but it didn’t work because Theo was so excited that he wanted to do the experiment again to show it to Buck and Eddie.
They demonstrated the experiment to them.
Then cleaned the entire kitchen several times and weren’t allowed any screen time for the rest of the day.
Maddie is now sitting on the couch flipping through physical photos of Jee and Nash she finally got to develop – debating how to arrange them in one photo album – when the thunder shook the entire house so much so that she dropped everything on the floor.
‘’Jesus,’’ Maddie mutters under her breath.
There is a single second of silence then a wail.
‘’Fuck, Theo.’’
Leaving the album and photos on the floor Maddie runs to her and Chim’s room where Theo fell asleep almost an hour ago. But Theo meets her halfway – trembling, eyes filled with tears and hiccupping. He lost his left sock in a nap and his hair seemed like he went through the wind turbine from all the tossing and turning.
Maddie scoops him in a bear hug, whispering quiet reassurances all while covering his ears while thunder rumbles outside.
Theo buries his wet face into Maddie’s neck and attaches to her like a koala bear.
‘’Hey baby, everything is fine. We’re fine. It’s just a little thunderstorm,’’ Maddie tries again heading towards the couch.
‘’I want my mommy!’’ Theo wails in her neck and Maddie takes a deep breath as she tries not to completely fall apart.
Theo was getting better.
Or, he was doing the best he could after someone who was your entire world suddenly died. But he was slowly healing and genuinely happy with Buck, Eddie and Christopher.
Almost a full year passed since the car crash.
A year in which Buck fostered him for ten weeks straight then almost lost him for a few weeks on a technicality, but thankfully got him back soon after.
A year in which Buck and Eddie finally got together, engaged and were to marry in a few months.
The longest year in the past decade if you ask Maddie.
She was seriously considering how much has happened in such short period of time that it seemed like she blinked and the world turned upside down and she woke up in another Universe.
Her brother and his homoerotic situationship weren’t running around each other being stupid and ignoring their feelings but instead walking hand in hand building a life neither of them ever thought they’d have.
The official paperwork for adoption was in process and Buck, Eddie, Chris and Theo were living together for the past six months in their new home – less than ten-minute drive from Maddie and Chimney.
But just because Theo had an entire village around him it didn’t mean that he forgot where he came from.
A family that wanted him so much that they fought to have him.
Maddie watched Buck for months go through the motions whether or not it was a good idea to give Theo a chance with a normal family with strong female figure because he was not convinced that he could ever have a proper nuclear family and that he was additionally damaging Theo’s life by keeping him.
Maddie immediately knocked that absurd thought out of his head – like, literally she hit him over the head with a pillow – offended that he didn’t consider the fact that he had Maddie, Hen, Karen, Athena and May in his corner and that queer families do exist.
Yeah, sometimes Buck really knew how to make himself small and unsure after the shitty childhood their parents put him through. Even though he coparented Chris since he was seven years old and was always there for Denny, Jee, Mara and Nash Buck never considered himself as worthy enough to genuinely be a parental figure to anyone.
Sometimes the Universe was really fucked up, because why would you do it? – Maddie thought.
Taking Theo away from his parents who fought so hard to have him – and genuinely wanted him – and Buck who had two living, breathing, parents who never wanted to have anything with him the minute he played his part.
Two left because there was no other choice.
The other two were never there in the first place.
Theo still occasionally called out for Connor and Kameron when nightmares were too much and didn’t know where he was in the middle of the night. Both Buck and Eddie handled those situations beautifully and Maddie admired them for it, but she never thought what she would do if that happened on her watch.
‘’Maddie?’’ Theo lifts his wet little face, eyes red rimmed and puffy – biting on his bottom lip like he’s trying really hard to stop the tears.
Maddie’s heart aches. He looks so much like Buck when he was little.
‘’Yes, baby?’’
‘’I had a bad dream,’’ Theo sniffles. Maddie kisses him on his forehead.
‘’Oh, I’m so sorry honey. Was it the thunderstorm that woke you?’’
Theo is already nodding. ‘’Mhm, hate it. I hate it too, so so much.’’
Theo worries his hands in his lap, twists and turns them until his knuckles turn white. Maddie can see that he’s trying to recentre himself. She’s seen Buck wait it out for a few seconds before trying to turn his attention elsewhere.
Theo thinks – looks around the room – sighs then yawns relaxing fully in Maddie’s arms, realizing that he is in a safe place.
The rain is still pouring outside but the thundering noise stopped.
That’s when she gets an idea.
‘’Do you want to help me with something Theo?’’ Maddie asks into Theo’s hair where he’s resting in her neck. ‘’I have some photos of Jee and Nash to organize and I don’t know which ones happened when.
‘’You might remember all the parties you’ve been with them over the past few months, hm? What do you say?’’
Theo nods rubbing an eye with his little fist.
They are halfway through the album when the weather finally clears outside. It’s still raining but not pouring and there is sun coming from behind the clouds. Theo completely occupied with the photos, babbling about each and every one of them doesn’t notice the weather outside and Maddie finally breathes easier.
A five-year-old boy really doesn’t deserve all the pain of the World at such young age.
They are almost finished with the album when an older photo drops from the same bunch of Jee’s and Nash’s photos. A photo Maddie completely forgot she give to make a copy of because she wanted Buck to have it.
‘’Who is this Maddie?’’ Theo asks holding the photo with both of his hands, eyes glued to the girl and the boy grinning into camera.
Maddie smiles. ‘’That Theo are me and Buck when we were little.’’
Theo snaps his head towards Maddie. ‘’You were little when you were little?’’ He asks stunned.
Maddie giggles kissing the top of his head and hugs him gently from the side. ‘’Buck was your age there. I was a bit older.’’
‘’Why are you all wet?’’
Maddie smiles again as she takes the photo out of Theo’s hands and looks at it carefully. It was a selfie from the era when selfies technically didn’t exist. A photo made with one of her old film cameras. Both Buck and Maddie were wet from head to toe laughing and jumping around judging by the combination of blurry streaks of rain and movement on the lens.
Maddie remembers that day like it was yesterday.
It was late summer, early autumn – a few days after Daniel’s death anniversary. Their parents were out somewhere with their friends. Maddie stayed home with Buck – a day pretty similar to this one actually, the thunderstorm kicking Buck’s ass and not giving him time to catch his breath – so, in order to distract him they made cookies. While the cookies were cooling, they saw a rainbow through a window and teen Maddie had an idea.
She haphazardly tucked yellow raincoat over Buck’s head, yellow rain boots and opened the door to their backyard with an evil grin on her face.
They jumped in puddles like crazy, laughing like there was no tomorrow – completely forgetting how Buck almost broke his wrist again when he tried to skateboard in the rain-soaked driveway and their parents didn’t even look at him for a day.
Buck didn’t know it then – he doesn’t even know it now – the reason why their parents wouldn’t look at him was because the fall happened on the same day Daniel died.
Maddie hated that she had to keep Daniel a secret for almost three decades.
But the only thing she could do – even as a teen – was to make sure her brother had some sense of normalcy in his childhood.
So, they laughed.
Jumped.
Rolled around in the mud and took shaky photos of themselves.
It was one of Maddie’s favourite memories.
Afterwards – cleaned and dried – both of them giggled while they ate cookies in the living room making their parents cringe when they found out what they did. Like joy was prohibited in the Buckley household.
Buck and Maddie didn’t care – the careless jumping and twirling around – finally being able to be free and to experience childhood without the shroud of grief was the best thing Maddie did that day.
And every day forward when they stayed at home alone and it rained.
It quickly became one of their little rituals.
Rain pours – make cookies – and wait for the rainbow to come out to dance it out.
They never did it after Maddie followed Doug to Boston.
Maddie was convinced that Buck’s aversion towards rainstorms picked up after she left.
The aversion only intensified when he got struck by the lightening.
Maddie winces when she remembers it. The desperate ‘’Which one?’’ still echoing in her mind.
‘’Maddie?’’ Theo’s voice pulls Maddie back from her memories.
She smiles at the boy and clears her throat. ‘’When Buck was your age he really hated thunderstorms.’’
‘’Like me?’’ Theo’s eyes widen and a smile appears on his face.
Maddie’s heart breaks and heals at the same time as she looks at Theo, a carbon copy of both of her brothers. ‘’Yeah. Just like you.
‘’So, every time it rained Buck and me had a deal. Make some cookies, wait until the rainbow appears outside then go and jump in the puddles.’’
Theo gasps putting both of his little hands over his mouth.
‘’Jump… Jump in the puddles?’’ He whispers like it’s a secret.
Maddie nods as her eyes fill with tears.
‘’That sounds so cool,’’ Theo whispers again.
Maddie glances over to the backyard and sees that the rain almost completely stopped.
Then idea pops into her head and she winks at Theo.
‘’Hey, Theo? Would you like to help me make some cookies?’’
Theo jumps immediately. ‘’Yes! B-but, c-can we make one chocolate chip and one salted c-caramel ones?’’ He asks sheepishly.
Maddie cocks her head in silent question why those specific tastes. Theo sighs, looks at the floor then – ‘’My Eddie likes the salted caramel ones but Buck told him he won’t make them anymore because he always eats the whole tray all by himself.’’
Maddie laughs.
Genuinely holds-her-belly laughs and snorts at the same time.
Theo waits approximately one and a half second before he joins in climbing on the couch then in Maddie’s lap where she hugs him laughing.
‘’You know what, deal. We’re making chocolate chip and salted caramel cookies.’’
‘’For my Eddie!’’ Theo yells punching his little fists into the air.
‘’For your Eddie,’’ Maddie nods. ‘’And, if you’re really good and see the rainbow outside we might go and jump into puddles. What do you say?’’
Theo gasps again. ‘’Jump into puddles?’’
Maddie nods. ‘’But there is one catch,’’ she says lowering her voice into a whisper like they’re on some secret together. Theo gets closer to hear her better.
‘’We’ll do it together,’’ Maddie points a finger at her then Theo. ‘’Me, and you. Together. That way when Buck and Eddie get home, we’ll both get into trouble.’’
Theo chuckles then whispers back at her. ‘’But Maddie, we won’t get into trouble. We’ll just give them cookies.’’
Theo looks left and right then whisper yells again. ‘’Like a bribe!’’
Maddie chuckles.
Damn those Buckley genes.
They spend another hour in the kitchen making cookies – Theo mostly eating chocolate chips from the counter. He has his own toddler sized apron with the inscription ‘I put the T in Tamales’. Pepa gave it to him for his fifth birthday.
The cookies are just out of the oven when Maddie hears Theo gasp, his little nose and hands glued to the glass patio door.
‘’Maddie! A rainbow!’’ He points to the backyard and Maddie smiles. She would’ve done it even if there was no rainbow.
But there was indeed one.
‘’Go take your shoes buddy and put them on, I just need to put these to cool down a bit before we taste test them.’’
‘’Yeeeees!’’ Theo runs through the house picking up his and Maddie’s shoes and placing them in front of the couch. He almost throws himself on the floor and starts putting them on by himself in record speed.
Maddie finds one of Jee’s yellow raincoats and puts it over Theo’s head, the boy giggling and jumping on his feet waiting to get out.
The fear of rain and thunderstorm completely forgotten.
Theo holds her hand when Maddie opens the patio doors and doesn’t let go – neither does he make the first step forward. He just gasps as the smell of the rain finally gets to their noses. He then looks up at Maddie.
‘’Are we really going to jump into puddles?’’ He whispers not believing that an adult is capable of being that much fun.
Maddie grins and pulls him towards the first puddle in the backyard and starts jumping into it like a lunatic while Theo – mouth opened, eyes wide in shock and a blush creeping over his cheeks – just looks at her like she defied the laws of grown-ups physics.
Maddie is laughing, the rain is still drizzling as she hops into the puddle – mud and water going everywhere then extends her hand for Theo to take it.
He eyes it carefully then a grin erupts on his little face, he takes her hand then jumps into his first puddle. Jumping ends up in full body slam downs when both of them slide on the mud and fall to the ground. Theo giggling as he lands on top of Maddie holding for dear life not to face plant in the mud.
At some point Maddie takes out her phone and takes a photo of them before they continue jumping.
They don’t notice the front door opening and Buck staring at them for at least five minutes.
Buck clears his throat. ‘’Um, am I interrupting something?’’
Eddie joins him by the patio door a minute later – both of his hands full with salted caramel cookies – and one already in his mouth. ‘’Babe, look. They made cookies.’’
Buck rolls his eyes when he glances at his fiancé and his chipmunk cheeks filled with cookies as Maddie and Theo throw another fit of giggle.
Half an hour later Maddie and Theo are sitting on the couch – bathed, dried and snuggled into cozy blankets. Both of them are eating chocolate chip cookies and have the same innocent looks on their faces as Buck – sitting on the coffee table in front of them – scolds them.
‘’So, you two thought that the best course of action to celebrate the rain finally stopping was what – jump into puddles and roll around in the mud?’’
Eddie sits in the armchair next to the couch and is still chomping on the salted caramel cookies.
‘’These are really good Maddie,’’ he says with his mouth full – completely ignoring Buck.
Buck side eyes him, sighs then turns to look at Maddie lifting his eyebrow.
Maddie just sinks into the fluffy blanket and whispers to Theo. ‘’Buck is mad at me.’’
Theo giggles as he goes for another bite of the cookie but then looks at it for a minute then offers it to Maddie. ‘’This will make it better. And it’s the last one Eddie didn’t eat.’’
Eddie lifts his head from where he’s sitting dusting off the crumbs from his t-shirt.
‘’Hey now,’’ he says mouth still full.
Maddie and Theo laugh again.
Buck is trying really hard not to break but his lips are curving into a little smile. His idiots.
‘’Take a look at the photo on the table Buck,’’ Maddie says dividing the cookie into two and offering the other half to Theo who takes it with a smile on his face.
Buck turns looking around then freezes when he spots the picture. He stares at it for a while, tears pooling into his eyes as Eddie gets up and sits next to him taking the photo out from his shaky hands.
Buck is trying to find words but he keeps choking on them so he takes a few deep breaths. Eddie places the palm of his hand on the small of Buck’s back and waits him out.
Buck clears his throat. ‘’I hated rain when I was a kid. Still do actually,’’ he adds. ‘’But she…’’ He chokes mid-sentence and looks at Maddie.
‘’Maddie, you… I didn’t know you had a photo of this.’’
She smiles as Theo tucks himself under her arm and yawns. ‘’I totally forgot about it. Found it the other day in one of our misc boxes with old cameras. Just got it back from the photographer, I wanted you to have a copy of it.’’
‘’I… Thank you. Thank you.’’
Buck stands up and hugs Maddie on the couch, Theo plopping his head into the hug to be included. Buck drops a loud mwah kiss on top of Theo’s head then a gentle one on Maddie’s forehead.
‘’You really did this for me?’’ He whispers when Theo yawns again and wriggles out of the hug and is making grabby hands towards Eddie.
‘’For you… And Theo,’’ she adds quietly as Buck looks at the boy telling Eddie how he knows a better recipe for salted caramel cookies than Buck’s. Maddie continues quietly. ‘’He had another nightmare during the storm and I freezed. I didn’t know what to do. So I distracted him with a photo album but then this dropped on the floor.
‘’And the minute I saw it the memories just came rushing in. He asked about it and I told him, not…’’ Maddie adds when she sees horrified expression on Buck’s face. ‘’Not the bad stuff Buck, just how you were scared of the thunder but how we had this little tradition to make you brave again.’’
‘’The cookies, and puddles,’’ Buck mumbles.
‘’And rainbows,’’ Maddie adds tears rolling down her face.
‘’And rainbows,’’ Buck swallows loudly then hugs Maddie again. ‘’I guess I always gravitated towards rainbows even though I didn’t know what that meant. Thank you,’’ he says it into her hair.
‘’Thank you,’’ she says it back.
Buck wipes his eyes, voice filled with pure disbelief. ‘’Why are you thanking me for?’’
‘’For being brave and surviving … our entire childhood. And for building your entire life on not doing the same mistakes our parents did.’’
‘’I think we both turned okay,’’ Buck says offering Maddie his pinky finger.
Maddie just nods and hooks her finger back.
‘’So, Maddie. This recipe Theo just told me about,’’ Eddie interrupts.
Buck groans and lays his head on Maddie’s lap. Maddie’s hands immediately find his curls. She smirks.
‘’What? I’m fine. I’m not addicted to cookies,’’ Eddie lifts his hands in defense as Maddie and Theo giggle.