Chapter Text
Simon doesn't know what to make of him.
To be honest, he didn't know what to make of the entire situation. First, he gets thrown in a metal deathtrap by people who hate his guts, he's attacked by an terrifying eel monster that wants to consume him, then when he's sure he's going to die, said metal deathtrap gets sucked into a wormhole and spat out into space in a whole other universe. However, all of that was easier to digest than living with another human.
Him being Ryland Grace.
The name, well, two names, is one of the first things that stood out to him. One of many.
("First and last name," he'd been told by the man when he'd finally asked outright. Grace had been hunched over, but sat up and turned his full attention to him, smiling. He did that a lot. "The first is what you're given when you're born and the last is from your parents. Or guardians, whichever you have. You can always change your first name if you want. Some last names are hundreds of years old! Since humans can have multiple descendants, the name normally doesn't change. In fact, many people try to keep their last name even through marriages because they feel it's important! Cool, right?")
Simon had stared at him, then nodded before leaving. He hadn't missed the expression Grace had shot him, almost like disappointment? Or something similar? He didn't know, too much about him was confusing.
The other's concept of names was strange. On Eden, you only had a name if you were lucky enough to have someone watching over you. It was rare to have a living parent or family member, so it was either becoming a ward of an official or being taken in by a volunteer. He'd seen too many kids, and later adults, never receive a name. In training, if the captain came across a cadet without one, they were assigned a number. That was it. A single symbol that represented a person. Simon had always thought it was bullshit. Surely, they could choose a name for someone, even if it was short. Just two letters. He supposed it was easier to forget about a number when it gone, blown up, taken prisoner or killed, though. Made it a quick process to scratch out on a list. He was fortunate to have a parent for as long as he did, especially one so loving and genuine. Countless recruits and dead-eyed children couldn't say the same.
He recalls his mom having a nickname for him. Little fern, she'd say fondly, pushing his hair out of his eyes. Her hands would usually have spots of dirt on them and he would giggle and squirm away to avoid it.
Simon hadn't been sure what to call the other man. He had introduced himself with his last name and said people normally chose it when talking to and about him. He'd gotten used to it from being a scientist and later, teacher. When he said the convict could pick whatever to call him, he'd been given a frown.
("What? Something wrong?"
"No…I just…" Simon furrowed his eyebrows. "You…really don't care what I call you?"
"No, 'course not." Grace tilted his head. "I mean…I would prefer a name instead of just being called 'guy' or 'hey, you.' But I'm not gonna make you. Why do you ask?"
"…No reason.")
Any questioning looks from the blonde were ignored and Simon had retreated to his dorm, head spinning slightly as he went over the information.
In Grace's universe, you had two names. The first was given from your parents and was personal to you. The last designated what family you were a part of as well as held significance if you were in a professional field. Relatives and friends called you by your first name typically…but people could use both, too. Adults sometimes called each other by only their last name.
It was so fucking confusing. There were too many rules while there were also no rules.
To Simon, using Grace's first name felt…wrong. He didn't know him in that way—but he didn't want to seem rude if he refused to use it. However, he didn't want to not use his last name, either. It was the name that showed where he came from. He didn't want to treat it like it was nothing, like it didn't mean anything. He didn't want to come across that way to him. He'd cut him out of that fucking sub and gotten him away from those damn bloody, parasitic veins. He had given him medicine, clothes—fuck, food, all willingly. He'd been happy to. The last thing Simon wanted to do was spit in his face.
After a while of deliberation, he had decided he would call Grace by his first name, Ryland. He had used it a few times, very quietly and hesitantly, but it always ended with Grace grinning, like he was pleasantly surprised. So. He guesses he made the right choice.
The other things that made Grace a mystery were his general appearance.
When Simon had opened his eyes, after being pulled out of that toxic submarine, he'd thought he was hallucinating. Grace had been flitting around him, talking quickly to Rocky and Armando and to him, but Simon hadn't been able to form one word. The blinding, harsh light above them formed a halo around his head and the convict could only stare in a daze.
He'd been so clean.
There hadn't been a speck of dirt on him. His arms and face were a light tan and, aside from faint freckles and an oddly shaped scar, they were bare. His hair, floppy and a warm, golden, wasn't shaven or tangled. His clothes were probably the strangest thing Simon had ever seen—brightly colored and displaying pictures and words— and those, too, were clean. He didn't even have any rips or patches sewn into the fabric.
Grace was unlike anything he'd ever seen. And that wasn't even concerning his personality.
Grace was so…he was just so nice. He was so fucking nice it made Simon anxious. It should've put him at ease, being rescued by someone so friendly. It did not. Quite the opposite. Every time Grace smiled at him, waved or gave him a casual "Hey, Simon, how you doin'?" and looked like he genuinely cared, it made Simon feel a bit sick. It made him want to hide. He had, once, upon being told he could take any bed he wanted and that there was plenty of bedding. Rocky had whistled in confusion while Grace squawked out an uncertain apology at his retreating back.
It was so disarming. Like Simon had been thrown into a fight with no information on who his opponent was and told he had to survive. He didn't know how to defend himself. Except that wasn't even a good comparison because Grace wasn't trying to hurt him. At least, he didn't think he was. He didn't seem to be, so far. He was the captain of the ship yet he hadn't ordered him to do anything. The blonde hadn't raised his voice or threatened him with punishment a single time.
That was the kicker, too. He never seemed to get angry. The most Simon recalled seeing was him grow frustrated over the convict's short, vague responses about Eden and his life before being put in the Lung. Simon hadn't blamed him; if he were in his place, he'd be much more aggravated with the lack of cooperation. But even then, when Grace noticed his eyes darting away and how tense he was, he'd taken a deep breath and steered the conversation toward a lighter topic. Just like that. No grabbing his clothes to keep him in place or shoving him into the wall. No threats of food rations being taken away. No promises of heavier workloads. He simply stopped and moved on.
When Simon had tried to explain himself and stammered out an apology, Grace had waved him off and said, and he quoted, "If you don't want to talk, you don't have to."
Simon's disbelief must have showed because the blonde had looked at him over his glasses.
"I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to do, Simon," he'd said seriously.
The convict, not knowing what to say—hell, not knowing what to do after that—had mumbled an excuse about being tired and walked away. Grace had let him, calling out a casual 'Alright, see ya later, alligator'. Simon had ignored the voice in his head demanding he stay and keep Grace in his sight. He hadn't cared. He'd felt too unbalanced.
It all narrowed down to feeling like Simon was living a dream. Life aboard the Hail Mary was great, so great he couldn't believe it was real. And living with someone who was everything he had never encountered just made it more bizarre. He wonders if he'll ever get used to it. Maybe he wouldn't, even when they arrived to Erid and after. One thing was for sure, it was better than what he had gone through on Eden and trapped inside the Lung. He could ignore some weirdness if it came with the chance to start over.
And speaking of weirdness…
Simon looks up from the book he'd borrowed from the ship's library—A Log's Life— and glances at the digital clock next to his bed. 4:45 PM. He thinks back to the previous hours. Then he frowns and sits up as he realizes he hasn't seen Grace a single time today. Unless he came out of the dorm on his own, the scientist had made it a habit to visit him. Grace would ask if he wanted to join him and Rocky for a movie night, to check on his injuries, or just to see how he was doing. He sometimes walked by and ended up staying for a short chat. It was obvious he enjoyed mindless, friendly conversation. It wasn't something Simon was familiar with, but it was nice. Grace didn't have to do it but he did.
Because he wants to, a voice insisted in his head, a voice that would pipe up and encourage Simon to relax, stop being so alert and suspicious. He didn't listen to it often because it had only ever gotten him in trouble.
Simon bookmarks his page and swings his legs over his bed. He listens. The ship is quiet. Well, besides the constant hum of the engines and machinery and the soft beeping, it's quiet. He finds he doesn't mind the background noise. He was shocked he hadn't developed a heart condition after how hard it was beating during his time inside the sub, hearing sudden, concerning bangs and creaking. It had been terrifying. The Hail Mary wasn't silent, but its noises were intentional and measured. It was a ship that was built to work, built to be safe, and that was comforting. Now, he doesn't hear any TV show or movie playing, nor any music coming from the common area or lab. Grace liked to have it going as he worked, whether it was classical, pop or ambient, he had some kind of music going. Simon wonders why. Maybe he liked the noise, maybe it was a reminder of Earth.
It's a little strange to not hear anything, but he doesn't think it's bad. Yet. He is curious, however. And because he doesn't remember seeing Grace once, he's even more curious. Was he working on the ship? Simon figures he would've heard it if he was walking along the outside or fixing anything. He could be repairing something inside, but, again, he thinks he would notice tools being used. Simon grabs the slippers Grave had given him, apparently Yao's, and pulls them on. He stands, stretches and walks out of his room and down the hall. He climbs the steps and strains his ears when he's on the main floor. Still no music.
Peeking into the rooms leading to the common area yields no be-speckled scientists. He even tries the bathroom and storage, and finds them dark and empty. Simon's wondering where else he could check when he hears a familiar chittering. He turns in the direction it came from and watches Rocky roll past a doorway. He hesitates before walking to him. It wasn't that he didn't like Rocky, he was just…cautious. Grace could reassure him all he wanted, his previous encounter with a different life form had left its mark. The Eridian, besides acting protective of Grace in the beginning, had never been hostile towards Simon. Yet, he couldn't help but expect the other shoe to drop. For him to do or say the wrong thing, to move too quickly, to sound too irritated. It was too good to be true, like everything else, to assume Rocky would never hurt him.
Even if he can be cute sometimes, he thinks as he rounds the corner and sees the alien humming to himself as he works. It's the space near the airlock, where Grace says Rocky's ship used to be docked. It's dim but he can make out the xenonite tunnels, along with tools and various devices scattered all over the floor. Rocky loved to tease his friend about being messy, but they both knew he could be just as bad.
Rocky must hear him (of course he did, he can't not, something that the convict won't ever get used to) because he pauses and turns his carapace. He whistles. "Oh! Friend Simon, hello!" A laptop on a shelf a few feet away translates his words.
"Hey," Simon greets quietly. He steals a peek at whatever the other is tinkering with. He can't tell what it is. "What's up?"
"The stars."
"No, I meant—"
The engineer squeaks. "Rocky know what you meant. Is joke, funny ha ha."
Despite his anxiety, Simon feels his mouth lift. "Yeah, ha ha. That was almost as good as one of Ryland's."
"Not almost, was very good. Grace not tell good jokes."
"I'll tell him you said that."
"Is okay. Rocky tell him how not funny he is a lot."
Simon leans against the wall. "Have you, uh, seen him?"
"Rocky has not." Two of Rocky's claws plant themselves on the floor and tap. "Simon…has not seen Grace, question?"
"No, not today. He's probably busy, though. I was just wondering." And hoping I have nothing to worry about.
Rocky lets out a short hum and doesn't speak. His claws move in a repetitive, antsy way, however.
Simon notices. "I'll let you get back to…well, whatever it is you were doing. Sorry to interrupt."
"Simon not interrupt," Rocky says as he moves to leave. "Wasn't doing important work."
"Oh. Okay."
He's not sure if he should stay. He's not well-versed in reading Rocky's body language as their captain, but the way the Eridian is now hunched in on himself doesn't seem right.
"What were you w—"
"Has Grace come out of lab yet, question?"
Simon blinks. "Um, I didn't know he was in the lab. I don't know, but he's in there often."
Steam puffs out of the top of his carapace and Rocky stomps one arm. "Rocky knew it. Grace has not left lab."
"What, all day?"
"Yes, all day!" Rocky is furious.
Well, that makes this complicated. Simon tries to think back to the last time he saw Grace and realizes he can't remember. Eden's leaves, has he been in the lab all week?
He walks closer and crouches. "Have you checked on him?"
Rocky stores his tools away and pushes his ball towards him. "Yes, but Grace busy every time. Not let Rocky talk. Impatient. Stubborn. Stupid stupid stupid." He shakes his carapace, a gesture Simon is sure he learned from the blonde. "Has Simon checked on Grace, question?"
"No, I-I haven't." He's starting to feel guilty. "I hadn't been paying attention, honestly. I figured you were. You two are so close, I assumed—"
"Rocky can't check Grace all the time!" the Eridian bursts out, flinging three arms up, startling the man. "Rocky can't watch all the time! Rocky busy! Rocky have repairs and inventions! Rocky has preparations to make for Erid, Rocky—Rocky can't…" He stops and pulls his limbs to himself. He lowers until he's resting on the floor. "Rocky can't check on Grace. Rocky and Grace…have fight."
Simon can't stop how his mouth falls open. "A fight?"
Rocky bobs his carapace. He somehow makes it miserable.
"When? What happened?"
"One week ago," he warbles. "Rocky went to lab. Found Grace working on taumoeba sample. Grace said sample not working right. He need to start over. Was mad. Rocky tell Grace to take break. Grace ignore Rocky and get another sample. Rocky look at clock, tell Grace it is past time for third ration. Grace say he not hungry. Rocky say that is lie because Grace always hungry. Grace get more mad and tell Rocky to leave." He makes a soft, sad chirp. "Rocky not mean to insult, telling truth. Rocky say to take break. Rocky tell Grace to sleep, Rocky will watch. Rocky tell Grace is bad to work with no food no sleep. Dangerous. Grace stop working and look at Rocky. Heartbeat get fast, blood rush to face. Grace get upset. Grace say…"
He doesn't continue. Simon leans forward and touches his bubble without thinking. He had only done it once, when Grace encouraged him to after he woke up. It had been an attempt for him to see how harmless the alien was.
"What did Grace say?"
Rocky shudders. "Grace say it sounded like Rocky not trust him, that it not safe for him work on taumoeba. Grace say Rocky think he will make mistake, that he will ruin samples. But Rocky would never think that! Rocky trusts Grace so much! Rocky trust Grace more than any other Eridian Rocky knows, besides Adrian! Grace is one of smartest beings Rocky ever meet! Grace very capable and skilled! Rocky tell Grace all of this but Grace no listen. Grace get leaky and tell Rocky to leave. Grace tell Rocky to not come to lab and bother him again."
Simon winces like he was there with the engineer. "Geez, that's…rough. I'm sorry."
"Not Simon fault. Is Rocky fault, pushed Grace. Should have left alone, let Grace cool. But Rocky worry worry worry."
"No, don't say that. You were being a good friend, even if he couldn't see that." He pats a panel of the bubble. "Have you and Grace ever fought like that?"
Rocky honks lowly. "No. Rocky and Grace never fight. Rocky and Grace best friends. Grace say so many times. Rocky and Grace very different but understand each other." His carapace thunks against where the convict's hand is. "Before he find Simon, Grace say journey to Erid will be hard. Not for ship or taumoeba but for him. Grace say he need to ration food more to make it to Erid. Grace say body will change from lack of food, say his brain won't work like normal. Grace say he might get more emotional, more…not full-angry but not full-sad. Will be weird. Grace say he might act different than Grace Rocky knows. Grace say to not take it personal, say to try and not get mad. Rocky not realize what Grace meant until fight."
Simon nods. He knew exactly what Grace had meant. He'd watched it happen countless times to his brothers and new recruits. If people didn't have enough food and sleep, they changed. In Eden's case, that led to violence and frequent punishments, maybe even executions. He knew it was in no way comparable to what Grace was going through, but it was something he was familiar with. He didn't say anything. He didn't want Rocky knowing how fucked up his life was, how fucked up he was. How he had changed just like his brothers and it hadn't been for the good.
"Rocky know Grace act different from not enough food, but…Rocky also think Grace act different from other reasons," Rocky says quietly, claws running up his arms in distress. "Grace not get enough sleep. Grace stressed. Grace worry too much. Worry about taumoeba, worry about Earth, worry about memories, worry about life on Erid. Grace need break very very very bad."
"He…he does." Simon internally kicks himself. He hadn't known how hard Grace was working, how much he was struggling. He feels like the biggest jerk in the galaxy. He gets rescued for no other reason than Grace wanting to help and he ignores him in return, lets him run himself into the ground. He feels ill.
"Simon should go," Rocky speaks up suddenly.
"Me? Go where?"
"Go check on Grace. See if he has eaten, slept."
Huh?
"Oh, that's…I don't think that's a good idea, man."
The Eridian squeaks, steam curling out of his vents. "What! Why not, question? Grace and Simon both human!"
"Y-Yeah, but—" Simon sputters. "Just 'cause we're human doesn't mean he'll take it any better from me! He barely knows me!"
Rocky lets out a series of frustrated musical notes and stomps his arms. "Simon always in room! How can Grace know Simon when Simon always hiding?"
"Hey! I'm not hiding, I'm…I just…"
Simon falls silent.
The flare of irritation he'd felt from Rocky's accusation fades just as quickly as it formed. He wasn't hiding from Grace, he—he was keeping to himself. He was a stranger on the ship"—a guest, Simon, you're a guest—" and strangers kept out of the way. That's what you did when you didn't want to create problems. That's what you did when you wanted to be good. You stayed away and didn't talk to people because one wrong word could send you to the whipping post. You stayed where you were safe and only came out when it was necessary and you kept away from threats, and when there was a threat, you hi—
Oh.
Simon leans back on his heels.
"I'm sorry, I…I haven't meant to hide or avoid him or you." He lowers his head until his chin almost touches his chest. He most likely looks pathetic, cowering and mumbling like a child. "I just don't really know what to do. Eden, the place where I'm from, you grow up knowing you're not safe. You needed to look out for yourself and that meant not interacting with others. It could lead to trouble and trouble on Eden was…it was bad. I only had my mom and after she was gone, I…it was hard to find a reason to get close with anyone. There wasn't a point 'cause it all got ruined one way or another.
"Grace is…different. He's so different than the people I've known. So much better. I don't what to do with it, all his-his kindness. I don't know how to act around him 'cause I'm not used to it. And the Lung, it…" Simon's hand lifts to rub his neck, shivering slightly. "It made everything worse. I feel like I'm still inside sometimes. And when that happens, it's hard to imagine I'm safe, that you guys got me out. It's stupid, I know. I should be able to tell what's real and what's fake. But it…it really fucked me up."
He hadn't intended to share so much. It was kind of nice to say it out loud instead of letting it fester in his head. He regrets it, though, as he realizes how still Rocky has gone. Shame curls in his stomach.
"S-Sorry, that was a lot, I—"
"Apology."
"What?"
"Apology."
"I know, I know, I'm sorry—"
"No! Rocky apology apology apology!" the engineer exclaims, waving his arms.
"O-Oh. No, it's okay—"
"No, Rocky rude! Rocky not mean to be rude. Rocky not mean to make Simon feel bad." He warbles softly. "Is okay if Simon want own space. Is okay if Simon not want to be around Grace and Rocky. Simon's story scary, bad bad bad. Rocky understand want to be alone. Rocky felt same way before Grace. Rocky not being good listener. Rocky not being good friend. Is okay if Simon scared."
"No, no, it's not that. It—well, not completely. It's…" Simon sighs. "It's hard to explain."
"Simon not scared?"
"I'm not—no. I am scared. Sometimes." He pushed down the embarrassment.
"Simon scared of Grace?"
"No, not of him."
"Hm. Grace make Simon nervous?"
His cheeks heat up. "N-Not exactly. I—maybe a little. But it's not in a bad way, it's…" He pushes his hair back, gripping the strands. "Like I said before, I've never met someone who acts like Grace. He's so—so fucking nice and I don't want to do the wrong thing and upset him. I would have died down there in that hunk of metal. I—I owe him my life. I don't want to seem ungrateful."
"…So Simon stay away from Grace, question?"
He covers his face with his arm. "When you say it like that it sounds dumb."
Rocky hums. "Is dumb thing to think. Grace not be upset. Grace happy with whatever Simon do. Grace like Simon."
"I…I know he does." No idea why, though.
"Grace worry about Simon, too. Tell Rocky all the time."
Fuuuck, that's even worse.
"Maybe Grace listen to Simon."
"About what?"
"Taking break."
"Why would he listen to me?"
"Grace will see Simon making effort."
That…actually made sense.
"I-I don't know, man. What if he just gets more pissed off and like, locks himself in the lab?"
Rocky emits an alarmed high note at the idea. "Rocky would break down door if Grace stupid enough to do that."
"Don't think that would make the situation better."
"Rocky do not care."
"…You sure you want me to check on him?"
The Eridian bobs his carapace. "Not know what else to do. Cannot leave Grace to burn self out."
He's got him there.
Simon pushes out a breath.
"…Alright, I'll try."
Rocky wiggles his limbs. "Yes!"
Simon stands and points a finger down at him. "I won't make any promises. I've never… made someone stop working to relax before." Would've lost a week of rations if I did.
"Yes, yes, go now." Rocky nudges his bubble to bump into his legs. "Get Grace away from samples. Make Grace sleep. Can drag Grace to bed if he doesn't listen."
"Yeah, I'm definitely not doing that, but thanks."
Rocky's excited chirping is the only reply he gets as he leaves.