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Embarrassingly enough, it was Zooble that found Pomni.
She had thought that the random corner of the butterfly park they had made was a private enough space where she wouldn’t be found, but-
Well, Zooble discovered her tucked underneath the shade of a small tree. Face snotty with tears and all, Pomni had been caught red handed. A stray butterfly zoomed right past both of them before going to perch on a branch.
Not a word was spoken while Zooble had calmly sat down next to her, settling themselves after a bit of shuffling around. They both watched the other butterflies flutter by, felt the artificial wind brush against their forms…and for a moment, it was peaceful.
“Hey.” Zooble spoke.
“Hi.” Pomni gave an awkward smile, voice croaky from the mental breakdown she had been going through less than 5 minutes prior.
“Grief sucks, huh?” Zooble offered a branch into the topic.
“I just-“ Pomni sighed, “I just miss her so much, you know? I started crying after I saw a thing of mashed potatoes today. Stupid, right?”
She turned to the other, expecting a sympathetic head nod or maybe the words of wisdom that Zooble typically gave out.
Instead, Zooble was frozen.
“…Her?”
Pomni paled.
Fuck.
FuckFuckFuck.
She should say it was a mistake, a slip of the tongue, but-
Zooble stared for a long moment, before their head turned forward. There was a sniffle, except it wasn’t from Pomni.
Oh, Zooble was crying.
“…Zooble?” Pomni whispered, tentatively reaching out and putting an arm on their shoulder.
“Fuck.”
And then, Zooble started to talk.
“There was this kid I was classmates with in highschool. Always was a dick, that one, saying some sexist shit that pissed everyone off. Wasn’t real popular either, and got picked on by some of the boys at school…They found the body hanging in the bedroom, and found a box of dresses in the closet.”
“That’s awful.” Pomni frowned.
“I swore to myself I wouldn’t let someone deteriorate in front of me like that ever again…That I would make a space where someone could be safe to be themselves.” Zooble watched a monarch butterfly flutter by.
“And you did.” Pomni assured.
“Leeroy has a space, but- Jax didn’t.” Zooble sighed, wiping the tears off their eyes.
“That’s not your fault.”
“Not saying it was. Still fucking sucks, though. I could’ve made a difference if I had just looked deeper.”
“Jax would’ve pushed you away the same as she did with Ribbit.” Pomni sighed, “Back when I tried to- well, back when I was holding onto Jax’s form, I…saw what happened.”
Zooble stared, eyes big.
“You saw her memories?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah.”
“…Is that how you found out that she was trans?”
Pomni paused. Was it her place to say? Did she even have the right to talk about what she saw? But she was dying to tell someone, craving the comfort of a shared secret, and it spilled from her like a ripped artery.
“They were in Ribbit’s bedroom. It was…intimate, vulnerable in a way I’ve never seen Jax act. Ribbit made her softer, I think…When Jax tried to walk away, Ribbit grabbed her hand, and- and then she put her bow on Jax’s head and told her that she was safe. Gods.” Pomni was immediately crying again, choking on her words.
The only way she could describe it was-
“She was glowing, Zooble. There was this brief moment where I saw her, I saw her happy for just a sliver of a moment, and then…then I watched her push everyone away as if that would make the feeling go away. Ribbit tried so damn hard to get through to Jax that it destroyed her.”
“Damn.”
“I miss Jax so much, but most of all? I mourn what she could’ve been had she just been honest with herself.”
“She was such an asshole.” Zooble sighed.
Pomni let out a sharp laugh, before plopping onto her back to stare at the afternoon sky, a lone butterfly going by.
“She was.”
Zooble flopped back onto the grass as well, and then it was quiet again.
“What type of style do you think she would’ve liked?” Pomni suddenly asked.
“Huh?”
“If- If she got to choose, what type of stuff do you think she’d wear?”
“Definitely something ultra pink and girly. It’s a rite of passage.” Zooble hummed, “When she got more comfortable, she’d probably go a bit more grungy.”
“She’d wear really dramatic mascara and look annoyingly good in it.” Pomni closed her eyes with a smile.
“Ugh, I hate that you’re right.” Zooble groaned.
“I could see her having a loose sweater or cardigan paired with overalls, but I think she’d also vibe with a longer skirt some days. Maybe even wear a shorter skirt, something fluffy. And she could totally rock a wig if she wanted to.”
When Pomni glanced over, Zooble had sat up and was staring with a squint.
“Um…” Pomni started to flush.
“You liked her.” Zooble said, actively connecting the dots.
Pomni groaned, hands slapping over her eyes as she shied away.
“A truly embarrassing amount, if I’m being honest. I can’t stop thinking about what she’d look like in a-“
“Okay, I don’t need that much detail.” Zooble mused.
“Not like that! Just, all the adventures we had…I like to imagine what she could’ve looked like.”
“She might’ve not changed at all.” Zooble shrugged.
“I may have…” Pomni paused, hands nervously flexing, “…seen some additional things in the void.”
Zooble tilted their head, waiting to see if she’d continue.
“She would take things from her mom’s closet.” Pomni admitted, “Try them on in the mirror when her mom wasn’t home. Her mom was shorter than her, but there was this pair of long, pink overalls that her mom had…She loved getting to try them on.”
“So her outfit at the circus was…”
“A caricature of it…or, maybe it’s how she saw herself in the mirror.”
“I can’t believe you’ve held onto this for months.” Zooble frowned.
“It didn’t feel like it was my place to tell her secrets.”
Zooble hummed.
They laid back down on the grass, watching as a butterfly passed them and tentatively landed on where Pomni’s nose should’ve been. It settled, going completely still.
“I can’t believe I miss that damn rabbit so much.” Zooble scoffed, ignoring their eyes welling up with tears again.
As Zooble looked away, they missed the butterfly glitching out of existence. Sharp shards distorted it before it vanished, but Pomni didn’t yelp. It wasn’t the first time one had glitched, so why would she be afraid?
“Do you want to see her?” Pomni asked tentatively.
Pomni knew the answer might be a no. Zooble hadn’t visited Jax once. The others struggled with their visits, finding it too painful to look at a form of their friend who was no longer fully there. The one time Ragatha had tried to join Pomni during her daily visit ended in tears and Ragatha completely avoiding the topic after.
“…I’m definitely going to cry.” Zooble threatened, glancing back at her.
“I think that ship has already sailed, Zooble.” Pomni chuckled.
“Fuck it. Okay, yeah, let’s go see her.”
Pomni stood up and held out her hand, helping pull Zooble up. Instead of letting go, she loosely held Zooble’s hand as she started to tug them along. Without realizing it, Pomni was humming a familiar sounding tune as she swung their arms back and forth.
“Uh…Pomni?”
“Yeah?”
“What happened to the butterflies? I swear there were more when I first got here.” Zooble frowned, looking around and only seeing a small amount of insects.
“Dunno, they kinda disappear sometimes.” Pomni kept looking forward.
New ones would spawn eventually.