Chapter Text
Harvey was not a young man, but he remembered the beginning of his end.
It was back in the days of Pearson Specter Litt. He was strutting as he went to tell Jessica about his latest victory. Even working with Louis, he’d managed to save the firm yet again, and given everything they’d been through, this win felt especially good.
At the very least, Harvey was expecting his usual reward - that look on Jessica’s face that said he was more than valuable - he was essential, and that smile of hers that always set him on fire.
But instead, she shattered his world.
It’s not my firm anymore, she said, before running off to Chicago with Jeff Malone.
Her words cut through Harvey like a dagger.
While his eyes rested on the cityscape, he built a treasure chest in his mind, poured in his feelings for her, and gave the lid a good slam. But he still felt raw, so he forced himself to laugh at the boyish fantasies he’d finally put away.
When Donna walked in and held his hand, he felt a little less cold, so eventually, he decided to marry her.
When he had to leave the firm, he and Donna moved to Seattle where they worked for Mike, and for a while, things were pretty good…but they were never that good, because that treasure chest kept popping open.
Then came one of those days where people say, ‘everything changed in the blink of an eye.’
He woke up that morning in a sweat after something that was more than just a dream.
Dreams faded and they were thinner than mist, but this was persistent and almost tangible, and it was red and hot because Jessica was in danger.
Harvey couldn’t reach her by phone so he was on the next flight to Chicago, and he panicked when his car pulled up to her building because the danger was already there, and he took off running, and he screamed at the elevator to go faster, and he finally threw open her door…
Later, whenever Donna or Mike convinced him to go to therapy, his story always ended there.
He never spoke about the way she was sprawled on the floor, blood gushing through a bullet hole in her chest, almost lifeless. Almost.
He felt like he was suffocating as he sat down and put her head in his lap. He stroked her hair as she lifted her brown eyes and looked into his…
And then she was gone.
After that, people were always worried about him. They shook their respective heads and whispered words like ‘traumatized’ and ‘devastated,’ but they were all wrong.
A better word was ‘imploded.’ He’d simply collapsed inward and ceased to exist.
They said her death wasn’t his fault, and that everyone had regrets. Maybe that was true, but his heart was heavy when he closed his eyes for the last time.
__________
The Soul who was most recently Harvey stepped out of his body and walked along the pathway to the waiting room.
The Soul knew what to expect. There was still more to learn, and another cycle of birth through death was coming.
When it was time to meet The Great All, The Soul asked a question.
“May I make a request?” asked The Soul.
“You may,” answered The Great All.
“May I have another chance?” asked The Soul.
“Of course,” replied The Great All. “You have as many chances as you need.”
“Thank you, but that’s not what I mean,” said The Soul. “May I try again as Harvey Specter?”
The Great All looked at The Soul. “That’s not how this works.”
“But couldn’t it?” asked The Soul. “If the world is just an illusion, why can’t Harvey Specter have a second chance in it?”
The Great All watched The Soul closely. “A second chance to do what?”
“I know where I went wrong last time,” answered The Soul. “I just want to make things right.”
The Great All recognized The Soul’s sincerity and gave approval.
“Remember that the truth is written in your heart.”