Chapter Text
Hi there! My name is Hana Tamago! I'm a newly registered Umamusume trainer in Japan! Today is probably the most exciting day of my entire life! You see, after a myriad of setbacks, I finally achieved my one true dream in life. I want nothing more than to be totally surrounded by Umamusume, and I finally got that chance! You see, I just wasn't ever motivated unless I was watching Umamusume races! So, after finally being tired of all the doom and gloom of being a useless man, I decided to get my trainers license! And then I actually did it!
"Mom! I'm off now!" I called out to the kitchen. My mom waved a hand out to the hallway and called out to me.
"Alright hun! Show those Tracen trainers my son has what it takes!"
That's right! After getting my trainers license, Tracen Academy—THE Tracen Academy—reached out to ME for a job! Isn't that just amazing? Not only am I about to be surrounded by the most talented and amazing racers in the country, but they invited me personally for a job! I can hardly contain myself! Everything that happened to me before this moment of my life felt like it was finally worth it!
"Keep your eye on the paper, mom!" I shouted as I ran out the door to our house. "Hana Tamago will be the man who trains the stars for the sky!" I rushed through the gate to our street, ready to take on any challenge that speeds my way!
And then everything, all at once, went black.
Thunder crashed outside like bomb, making the windows rattle like skeletons. I shot up from my slumber in a total panic and my heart rate skyrocketed from the surprise wake up call. Wait… was I just asleep? Did I seriously pass out on the most important day of my life?! Oh god, the weather report today said it would be sunny all week. Was I knocked out for longer than a week!? The rain outside was coming down so heavy I could hardly believe it. Where I'm from, it never gets this bad with weather…
Actually. Where even am I? This place I'm in doesn't resemble my home at all, nor any kind of hospital. Now that my eyes are adjusting to the dark, I was just laying on some random couch. So much for good back health. No, but seriously, where am I? I hopped up off the couch to start looking around, but when I do, I stumble back against the seat. My balance is crazy off right now. Ugh, maybe being bedridden for weeks makes you forget how to walk? No matter. I pushed myself off the couch and used it as a balance for limping towards the wall. I can see a mirror, maybe I can get a good look at how sick I was. Or, wait, if this isn't a hospital, then I need to know where a phone is! Argh! Tamago, let's just take this one step at a time. You feel weird right now, so just go take a peak at yourself to make sure you're ok. Ok? Ok.
I limp my way over towards the mirror. As I do, I glance around at the vintage looking room I found myself in. It was like an old lake house that grandparents in movies would inexplicably have, complete with all the dust and spider webs. Yucky. Weirdly though, everything in here seemed… big. Like everything was designed for folks of a much taller persuasion than I was. I mean, I was never short, average more like. However, this place was made for people way bigger. Must have been an interesting custom job to work on a house made for goliaths. Even this full body mirror was huge! I leaned forward towards my reflection, trying to get a good read on myself, but it was really dark. Then, as if answering my need for light, the room was suddenly filled with bright white light, followed by a bone clattering bout of thunder. In that brief window of full brightness I saw something impossible. In the mirror wasn't Hana Tamago, but something else entirely. Instead of a skinny and pale young man about to go to his first gig, in the mirror was a pale skinned, short, girl creature with long pink hair. Instead of my brown eyes, I saw two eyes that almost shone with a soft light of two different shades. The right eye was a baleful light blue, and the left was a soft and gentle green. On the girl's head were two ears that were folded atop her head, again both were different colors. The left ear was a pale white and the other a deep black. Flicking nervously behind the reflection was a long rosy red colored tail that nearly reached the floor.
"Wh-who are—" I tried speaking out which made the girl in the reflection do the same. My voice… it didn't sound right at all. It was too high pitched and soft. It was downright… girly. "N-no, this—This isn't happening." The girl in the reflection said, copying me again. I could feel myself shaking now. Fear was taking over completely. Wait… there's only one thing to do now.
Come on Tamago… d-don't be a damn chicken…
With a gulp of apprehension I shakily started looking down at myself, and felt long hair brush against my cheek. Without looking at the mirror, I saw this girls shaking legs, I saw her red tail flipping about with anxiety, I saw the bust she had, and I saw the unfamiliar school girl uniform she was in… that I was in.
"eeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
I screeched at the top of lungs that never belonged to me and turned away to to run. Run! I-I had to get the hell out of here! Where was I anyways? I bolted towards the door as fast as this strangers legs could take me, which turns out was WAY TOO FAST! Before I knew it, I completely burst through the wooden door with the force of a battering ram, rendering the barrier a mere suggestion made of wood clippings and broken dreams. I couldn't pay respects though, I needed to get out of wherever the hell this was! Screaming this body's head off, I ran down the hall, at speeds that I couldn't even comprehend, and ended up flying through another door at the end. This time, I was sent sprawling to the ground and rolling until I slammed into something soft.
"Ouugggh, that hurt." I groaned with the voice that wasn't mine.
"Uuuurrrrrrrr…." a different groan came from the thing I slammed into.
"E-excuse me?" I tried my best to sit up and see who was making that noise. That's when I came face to face with the real horror.
"Guurrrrrraaahhhhh…" Before me was a green faced, red eyed beast. It looked almost like an umamusume, but it was definitely NOT something that looked like it was supposed to be alive.
"A Z-Z-Z-ZOMBIIIIIEEE!?!?!?" I screeched as the undead monster held its ears in pain. Good, I used the momentary stun to shove it all of me and scramble to my—this body's feet again. Then I heard a crash nearby, there were two zombies in here, and the other just knocked over an expensive looking vase. Actually, two was a bad guess, the noise my scream let out woke up the whole pack of undead that were hiding in this room specifically!?
Why is my luck so damn baaaaddd!!!!
Six undead umamusume started crawling and limping in my direction, all green and rotten like old bread, and with red bestial eyes that screamed of hunger. Their parts were all stitched up like the bad result of mad experiment. Oh goddesses above, I'm going to become zombie nosh in a weird body that wasn't even my own!
"No! Nononono stay back!! Get away from me!!!!" I screamed, which stunned the nasty shamblers just like before. Their Uma hearing must be a weakness I can exploit! Actually, my screams were making my head hurt as well. Owie. No time for that. I had only one course of action now… "GET ME OUTTA HEEEEERRREEE!!" I yelled with tears streaming out of my unfamiliar eyes. I trusted this weird body one more time. With all the speed I could muster, I ran and jumped out of a closed glass window and into the pouring rain.
It was heavy, but that was fine, I just needed to get out and get somewhere safe. If this was a zombie apocalypse, I should find others somewhere. I started running away from the death house I escaped from and down the road towards what seemed to be a more populated area. As I did, I couldn't believe how fast this weird new body was. Never had I experienced anything like it. This speed was honestly incredible, but also kinda scary in this rain. If I was in some Umamusume body, I could get seriously hurt in the—
"Oh fuck." The rain. Everything was so slippery right now, and I wasn't wearing cleats! I slipped on a puddle trying to make a turn and came crashing down onto the pavement of the sidewalk, rolling until I slammed into a light pole. That roll hurt way worse! Owowowowwww. The rain wasn't letting up one bit either. The moment I was outside and safe, I was soaked. Not to mention: my socks were sponges, my hair kept trying to fall in front of my eyes, and my now solid and wet tail kept whipping around and splattering against the water on the ground. God, this rain is so heavy it's nearly hard to breathe. You know what? This. Sucks. I hate it! What the hell is even going on! What was I even doing before I woke up anyways?
I… I can only really remember a few things. My name, and, this body isn't mine, and I was going to a job… I'm not a—"
"Heeeey! Hey hey hey heeeeeyyy! Young lady over there on the ground? What are you doing out in a storm like this?" The voice of someone called out to me, causing these new ears to flick over to listen. "Hey, hey now, I'm a simple cop, I just wanna go home and clock out, but here you are making it harder." I eyed the incoming cop with suspicion. If there was an apocalypse, they definitely would be the first to go. This guy was just walking down the road towards me balancing his bike. Ok, I can use this, probably.
"O-officer! You gotta help me. I-it's crazy, I was kidnapped! Or Uma-napped?" I started trying to get up off the ground, facing the sidewalk as I did so to make sure I was using this body's strength correctly. However, I was stopped by a hand being offered to me in the light of the cop's bike light.
"C'mon now little lady, I'll get you down to the station where it's safe." He said gently.
"Oh, thank you. I'm so terrified right now." I reached out for the officers hand and put my green and sickly looking hand in his…
[A Critical Error has Occurred]
That's NOT MY HAND!
Right?
"Uh? Miss, are you?" The cop started asking me something and I looked up at his face to understand him better. Though, when I looked up at him he screamed and jumped back, but he didn't let go of my hand in the tense moment. I heard something go 'pop' and my entire arm went with him. I watched as he carried away my green and blue arm that looked like it was stitched together like a complicated puzzle. He noticed he had my arm too and threw it to the ground with horror and disgust. "WHAT THE H-HELL ARE YOU!?" He shouted, pulling out his revolver and pointing it right at me. At this point I didn't have the words except-
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
BANG
A shot rang out, cutting off my screaming. Something felt wrong now. A certain heat was spilling out of my chest, and when I looked down, I saw a steaming bullet wound right where my heart would be. I think… that was the straw that broke the camels back. I felt this body lose all ability to function and I fell forward into a puddle of rain water. With the bike light shining on me I saw my reflection in the puddle surface. A green mangled face with a giant gash on my forehead and red bestial eyes stared back at me.
"Holy shit, I got it."
It? Something about that really hurt.
CLUNG
The sound of metal smashing into the back of a skull rang out over the deafening rain. A body fell to the ground and someone new started walking towards me. I couldn't move an inch, so all I could see was black shoes stepping up to my face. In the reflection of the puddle I was half in I could see the sunglass wearing face of a random man I never met lean down towards me. That's when everything went black again.
Light returned to my eyes as they suddenly blinked open again. My body, or this body, felt sluggish and sore now. No. Maybe that was just a horrible dream? I sat up to find myself in the same room I woke up in before, only now the lights were on. The storm outside had finally subsided as well. That's good. I didn't want the ears on my head to suffer any more loud noises for a while. These ears. This body. With a gasp I reach out for the arm that was torn off. Though, somehow it had returned to me while I was out cold. That's at least something, but—
"Wait I… I have to check again." That unfamiliar voice touch my ears again, making me shiver. Now is not the time, I need to take stock of the situation I'm in. I roll off the couch and carefully walk over to the mirror once more. "No. No, no. What… happened to me?" I touched my face as I didn't recognize whoever it was in this mirror. Not only was there some random girl here in my place, she was an Umamusume, and she was also… dead. I run my hands over the green sullen skin that makes up this new wretched face: my cheeks are sunken, these red eyes look so tired and malnourished, and this giant gash atop my forehead looked horrific.
"Just what the hell happened to me? Why is this me now? Why can't I remember anything?"
"You're Hana Tamago." A manly voice behind me states with clarity. Embarrassingly I let out a little girly squeak in surprise when he speaks. Turning to see who it was, I'm met with a tall man, taller than me now anyways. He has short brown hair, clean looking skin, wearing some kind of uniform with a suit jacket only draped over his shoulders, and lastly he was sporting some sunglasses, even though we were indoors.
"Huh?"
"You are Hana Tamago. You were hit and killed by a truck ten years ago."
"I—what?" How was he saying crazy shit with a straight face like that!?
"And now, you've come back to life as a Zombie Umamusume. Or rather, a Zonbimusume."
"I'm… a Zombie? No… a Zonbimusume? What even is that?"
"Your vital role—" This man started walking right towards me, forcing me to actually start craning my neck to keep looking at his face. "—is to assume your new role as Zonbi number 1, and work with the rest of your racing idol team and save the Saga prefecture."
"…Look man… I don't—I don't understand a single thing coming out of your—eep!" Again I was forced to let out that annoying squeak as this bastard pinched my chin suddenly with his hand. Gently, he leaned into my face closely. I don't think I've had a man this close to my face before.
"You'll understand soon enough. All you have to do is follow my instructions exactly. Then, I promise you'll probably, maybe, be fine." His breath smelled like fried squid.
"Um."
"My name is Kotaro Tatsumi." This is so weird. Why does this man have—"I am the man who is going to turn you into a racing star."—have fried squid in his suit pocket?
It was literally just sitting in there being exposed to the elements. That was kind of gross, almost as gross as my new green skin.
***
He didn't say anything else to me. Nothing. He just grabbed my hand and started dragging me across this wreck of a house and into the basement.
"Sit here." he instructed me. With nothing to lose or gain, I complied and watched as the other zom— Zonbimusume wandered about this basement dungeon without a care in the world. As I sat, I could feel the unfamiliar sensation of having a tail whip about instinctively. This terrible thing had a complete mind of its own, and I keep banging the new limb against the corners of walls! Kotaro clapped his hands together once, which snapped me to attention and made my new ears fold to the top of my head.
"Ahem. Good morning ladies." If this psycho was expecting a response from a bunch of undead shamblers he didn't get one, not the least of which from me. Though, he certainly didn't look happy about that. With an annoyed grumble he came right up in front of me and leaned down. "I SAID GOOOD MOOOORNING LADIIIEEESS!!" He suddenly screamed right at me. I was put in a state of full stun as the vibrations from his screaming made my whole body shiver.
"G-good… mor…ning?" I whimper out nervously. Kotaro seems to find that acceptable as he smiles with some anger inducing smug look.
"That's much better, Zonbi number 1! Remember to mind your manners. It's the only way to make sure people respect you. I mean look at this." He gestured to the rest of the Zonbimusume—who were scratching at the walls. Actually, one of them was eyeing me hungrily… "None of the others are paying attention to you, loser."
"Eh—what—LOSER!?"
"Yea dummy! Loser—that's—you get over it!" Kotaro had a real knack for shutting me up with even louder yelling. Then, he pulled some of that air exposed squid out of his pocket and threw it down at my feet. When I went to observe, and possibly lunge at Kotaro for throwing food at me like a dog, there was an actual dog now at my feet. It started tearing into the pocket squid like it had a vendetta. I jumped up into my seat to get as far away as possible from whatever the hell that demon was. "Good job wranglin' all the girls like usual, Romero."
"Uwaaahh! That thing is NOT a dog!" I screamed.
"Alright, let's begin!" Kotaro was now back up near his weird blackboard. "Let's all work really hard to make you all world class racer idols!" No one responded to him—I sure didn't. I mean, one of the few things I can remember right now is that I was NOT an Umamusume, or a girl for that matter. Ok, I need to clear this up.
"Um. Excuse me?"
"Yes! You! And by the way, your complexion is looking wonderful!"
"Um… thanks? I woke up with it. So, I just had a question."
"By all means! Bring it on!"
"I'm dead. Right? Like actually dead?"
"Yes, correct: dead as dirt. And now, you're Zonbi one."
"Ok, but, another thing. I wasn't a girl or an Umamusume before."
"Yes, that's true! Now, you are a girl and an Umamusume, Zonbi one."
"So… Why am I… A girl now?"
"Well, its obvious isn't it? You ever see an Umamusume before?"
"I mean… Yea?"
"There's your answer!" I was starting to feel like reality was a clown show and I was head clown.
"Ok, but… Why and how? I feel like there should be more—"
"WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE MORE, IIIDIOOOTTTT!!?!" Kotaro was in my face screaming again, making be squish myself against my chair. "YOU'RE AN UMAMUSUME, AND ALL UMAMUSUME ARE GIRLS, SO YOU'RE A GIRL NOW, OK?? JUST A LITTLE SHAMMA BANG BANG STITCHY STITCH, AND WHAMO!!! YOU'RE A ZOMBIE UMAMUSUME!!! EVEN MORE, IT'S ACTUALLY A ZONBIMUSUME, SO GET IT RIGHT, GIRLYPOP!!!"
I'm in hell, that has to be the only explanation that makes sense now. I'm in hell and Kotaro is my personal demon.
"So. Any more questions?" He asked me as calmly as ever.
"Uh, several, actually. Like, why is it so important that I become a racer idol?"
"Because you're going to save Saga." He was so straight laced now. I couldn't tell what could possibly set him off. I was getting tired of being screamed at.
"The prefecture, right? Just by racing?"
"And singing—that's right!" Kotaru looked away from me in a fresh monologue pose. "You see, the concept of a local racing celebrity is becoming a thing of the past. Umamusume nowadays would rather work on being the best in Japan, instead of racing for the glory of their hometown. However, that also means that most of the competition has died out." Now he was pacing around the room, dodging the other Zonbimusume that lumbered about. As he was talking, I felt something pinch my forearm. Looking down I saw that one of the others had just clamped their jaw on my arm and started chewing.
Pop off, queen. I… I just don't know how to care anymore.
"Our strategy, is to capitalize on that to revitalize Sage, which is hurdling toward irrelevance in much the same way." He then bashed the chalkboard and spun it around to reveal a title and a little drawing of what I could only guess was blood. "WHAM! WELCOME TO THE ZONBIMUSUME SAGA PROJECT BABYYYYY!!!"
"…That's nice and all. But I don't even remember anything from when I was alive. And I was a human guy… So asking me to be a Racing Idol and save a whole prefecture is kinda an insane ask."
"Not to worry. The others have much more baggage than you do. Yes, even heavier than this moronic topic you keep bringing up." Kotaro waved a hand at me dismissively and I couldn't help be feel a tad frustrated. I don't know the first thing about being an Umamusume!
"Ugh fine but like—who even are these other girls?"
"Curious?" Kotaro asked with a raised brow.
"Well, yea." I lifted up my arm that was still being chewed and drooled on by this other Zonbimusume. "When someone is chewing on your arm like a dog toy, you start to wonder stuff like that."
"Heh." Kotaro smirked at me and tore out another piece of fried squid from his pocket. "They… are legends."
"Like, famous?" I know I was the one with total amnesia, but I still have to say that none of these other girls looked familiar.
"Correct." My new manager tossed that disgusting squid snack in my direction and the girl nomming on me lunged for it just like the stitched together dog from before. "Each girl is a unique and shining star that I've hand selected for the mission of saving the Saga prefecture. And with you, we've finally assembled the perfect team."
"Huh? Me?" I pointed at myself, but I was, of course, completely ignored again. Instead of giving me an ounce of attention, Kotaro started pointing to every other Zombie.
Zonbi 2, as the name tag that was stuck to her shirt said, was obviously a strong and furious person in her past life. Her hair was a dark blood red that faded into a flame like orange near the ends. Her hair was tied up in a long pony tail that almost went as far to the ground as her tail.
"The perfect racehorse with a rowdy attitude! She conquered the hill of 10 consecutive wins in a row and even claimed the American Triple Tiara! The legendary Ruffian!"
Kotaro pointed to Zonbi 3. A girl with short dark brown hair, bangs which almost fell in front of her eyes. Her tail was oddly short for an Umamusume.
"She trained for years to become the best, and went out in a ball of blinding fury to win the Kentucky derby! The Legendary Eight Bellies!" She didn't seem that legendary, but I guess this weirdo knew something I didn't.
Zonbi 4 was a girl my height with fuzzy and frizzy looking twintails colored with dark blue. She also had a diamond of white hair right on her forehead bangs.
"Two time Eclipse award winner, with a pure heart as soft as moonlight! Go For Wand!"
Next was Zonbi 5. These observations of mine were getting a bit exhausting. I'm terrible with names already and Kotaro was expecting me to memorize 6 names and faces in one go! Either way—
"The one who could conquer the crowns in America, the legendary potential tyrant Barbaro!"
This 'potential tyrant' made me realize there was an odd trend for these girls that was making my undead skin crawl. Otherwise, Babaro seemed normal enough. Her green hair fell behind her head like a long flowing cloak, with a white mark on the side of her head in the shape of a crown.
Kotaro just started leaning onto Zonbi 6 because she was incredibly short. Shorter than the current me even, by at least 4 inches or so. She had twin tails colored like a sunset, ending in a dark abyss that had glitter in it that sparkled like stars.
"She was the star of the screen and captured the hearts of many while acting in Hollywood at such a young age! The legendary young Uma actress, Mongolian Groom!"
A child actor that was able to break away and become famous in her own right? What was that gonna help with for racing!?
Finally, Kotaro pointed to the one currently standing up and chewing on floor/pocket squid. She had light brown hair with a side tail that was mirrored by a small crown. She actually looked like someone I could see being famous, if I remembered anything about my past life that is.
"Zonbi 0, The legendary Aston Machon!"
For a few good seconds of silence I sat waiting for Kotaro to keep talking. Yet, he was just smiling at me proudly like he was actually finished.
"And now you know everything you need to know about the rest of the girls."
"Wait, wait, hang on a second!" I pointed at Machon confused. "Who is she?"
"The legendary Aston Machon!"
"…Ok, I apologize, I must have missed something. Could you, repeat that?"
"The Legendary Aston Machon!"
"Ok. I know her name, but is there more?"
"DOES THERE NEEEED TO BE MORE!?" Kotaro was in my face again screaming. I started holding my- this body's ears to my head to try and muffle the noise.
"B-but what's her legend!?"
"WHO SAYS A LEGEND HAS TO BE ANYTHING? OH, YEA, THAT'S RIGHT: NOBODY!"
"So she's just a regular Umamusume!?"
"ZONBI! IT'S ZON-BI-MU-SU-ME! AND WHAT MAKES YOOOOU SO LEGENDARY, HUH TAMAGO? THAT'S RIGHT, NOOOOOTHING!!! FROM NOW ON, I'LL SAY THEY'RE ALL LEGENDARY EXCEPT YOOOOUU!!" Kotaru jammed his finger between my eyes and twisted it, making me flinch back and cover my face. Involuntarily, I let out a pathetic whine. Just what about this body was making me release these weird noises!? "Anyway, at this point, they're all your run of the mill stereotypical Zombies." Kotaro's voice became serious again. For a moment I bet he could trick me into thinking he had worry for an emotion. "They haven't yet awakened…"
"That's, a thing?"
"Yes, but I figure with a little stimulation like you had they'll eventually reawaken their consciousness." I had to blink a few times at that one.
"Whu-huh—stimulation? What the hell happened to me anyway!?"
"Speaking of which, you girls are going to be putting on a stimulating live race—"
"Hey don't just ignore me! Wait, what?"
"YOUR FIRST RACE IIIIIIISSS!" Kotaro shouted so loud even the other Zonbi were covering their ears on instinct alone. "THIS AFTERNOOOOOOOOON."
***
After screaming my ears off, Kotaro, with the help of his little demon dog companion, wrangled all of us together. By the end of the 'Zonbi Rodeo', he had all of us girls, which still felt weird to include me in that group, in a genuine line with safety rope like a kindergarten class. He piled all of us into a black van, sitting us down and tying each girl to a seat. Me included, even though I said I wouldn't try and escape.
"Now sit still, Zonbi one, or this is going to take much longer than it needs to."
"But—"
"Ah ah. Let the professional work his magic, or the spell won't work. Got it?"
"Mm…"
Kotaro produced a massive trunk filled to the brim with neatly organized makeup tools and supplies. The reason I needed to sit still so much was because he started caking this weird stitched up body of mine in layers upon layers of makeup. Any part of me that could potentially be exposed was covered in a pale layer of foundation to mimic the look of real skin. It took forever, but, by the end, after putting on my colored contacts, I looked exactly how I did when I woke up for the first time. I mean, despite the mismatched colors of this body, I seemed like a normal everyday… girl. This body was cute. I mean, it wasn't my body. I was just… in it.
"This is the magic I learned in America. The power to turn even an uggo zonbimusume like you into a cute little star!" With that Kotaro left me tied up in my seat while he moved onto the rest of the girls. With a sigh of half-hearted acceptance, I just closed my eyes to try and tune out the nasty chewing sound of seemingly infinite pocket squid.
When we arrived at the race track there was lot more people here than I expected. I think there must be some sort of school trip, since I could see a lot of school busses in the parking lot. This place didn't look very prestigious at all; actually, it seemed run down. Why hold a race in such a dump anyways? No time to ask anything just yet, as Kotaro started kindergarten line dragging us through the lot. As he did so we passed by a bunch of elementary students that stared at us like our heads were on backwards. Parents and teachers alike hit us with looks of pure befuddlement as what looked like grown ass Umamusume were being treated like children. I could feel my face going red and just tried to stare directly downwards to hide it.
Apparently, Kotaro had volunteered us to entertain a school field trip with a fun exhibition race. According to him, as he was conversing, we were his 'Team Saga.' After speaking with the school chaperones, our manager guided us down into the tracks tunnels and shoved us all into a cramped green room to make sure we were ready. All the other girls just started walking around the room aimlessly, occasionally moaning and trying to chew on something. For Aston Machon's case, she kept trying to chew on me, which was making it insanely harder to make sure the others were not hurting themselves!
"Kotaro! Come on, you seriously expect that they'll be able to race?" I was currently pulling Ruffian back from the couch she was trying to crawl under.
"Chill out Tamago. What's the big deal?"
"Chill out!? How am I supposed to chill out with everything that you're saying!?" I dropped Ruffian and groaned with pure frustration. "I'm the only one who isn't limping around this room without destroying things. And I'm not even a real Umamusume!"
"Listen." Kotaro pushed his sunglasses further up with nose and smirked. "These girls were prime time. When those gates open up I guarantee you their instincts will kick it immediately."
"Oh, you just know that somehow? Then again—WHAT ABOUT ME!?" I stomped my cleat onto the floor, making an imprint in the solid wood. "I've never raced in my entire life. I don't know anything about being an Umamusume! Literally the only thing I can remember is being a dude, and men can't be Umamusume, so I especially don't have of these instincts you believe so much in! So how do you have so much confidence that any of this will go right!?" I didn't realize while I was ranting but afterwards I felt something trickle down my face.
"Tamago." Kotaro wiped the tear away and started immediately fixing the makeup I smudged. "All I need you to do is trust yourself. Listen to your heart."
"My heart says Machon is going to bite someone."
"Psshh, a Zombie bite never hurt anyone. Why would a Zonbimusume be any different?"
"Not too bright, are you…?"
"Ok!" Out of no where Kotaru grabs both of my shoulders, making me sit still. "The crowd here has no idea who you are so the expectations are low. So are mine, I mean, I fully expect you to absolutely blow it, Tamago—"
"Then why—"
"LET ME FINISH!! THAT'S why you have to surprise us. Surprise them. You can turn Saga, no, the entire world upside down if you give it everything you got. When those gates open, I just want you to run. Run as fast as you can, any way you want. Ok? Just let yourself feel the wind out there and run."
"R-really? That's all?"
"Have faith. You'll do fine…" The look is Kotaro's eyes was so gentle and sincere. He stared at me with eyes that spoke truth to my soul and power to my spirit. He really did actually believe I could do this.
"Oh… Kotaro I…" I took a deep breath and sighed. "Still can't do this, nope." The silence of my rejection hung in the air for a silent few seconds… before being obliterated by Kotaro suddenly clapping his hands together wildly.
"OOOOKAAAY!!! IT'S GO TIIIIME!! NOW GET OUT THERE AND KNOCK EM DEAD, LADIES!!!" Like a blur, our trainer, or manager, or whatever he was, clipped us all together with actual kindergarten rope in segments. Again, as the only one that was actually conscious, I was at the head of the pack…
"Just shove the idiots into the gate when you get out there, Zonbi one, and DON'T SCREW IT UP!"
That was my final instruction before that asshole shoved me down the tunnel and ran the opposite direction. Tch. This was so bad. I almost hoped it would somehow all go wrong, but thinking back on how that cop responded to seeing my undead face, I really couldn't risk it. So, with my 'team' in tow, I traveled down the tunnel and into the light of the afternoon sun. As soon as we appeared, the crowd of children started to cheer for us all. It was kinda cute to be rooted for.
"Ahem. Hello children." I saw Kotaro panting from running at the top of the bleachers now. He was holding a megaphone to speak, but his voice was so much more modest and quiet now. "We uh. I have an exciting race for you all today." How the hell was mister 'blow your eardrums out' so sheepish in front of a living crowd? Children no less. "It's my very own Team Saga. S-say hi to Team Saga, everyone."
"Hiiii Team Saaagaaa!!!" All the children cheered. I had to keep walking around to make sure the other Zombies were distracted but I did give the little kids a wave. This wasn't so bad so far. That was until I reached the open racing gates. One by one, I had to start shoving these poor girls into the gates and shutting the door closed, making sure I unclipped them from the grade school line. To make matters worse, they did not enjoy it what so ever. Immediately, the tight space stressed them out like kennel frightened dogs. My fellow teammates started growling and scratching at their new confines like beasts. When I finally unclipped Aston and got her inside her gate, I had to look away, as she watched me like a hawk through the gaps of the gate. It was kinda scary. The moment she was in the tight space away from me she actually calmed down unlike the others. She just sat, looking at me as if she saw something that brought her peace.
"Ah. Ok children. Let's all count down from 5 to 1 and then Team Saga will show you all their r-racing. Ok?"
"Ok!" The children screamed with twice, if not thrice the amount of enthusiasm as our Kotaro.
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
GO!
I flinched backwards as the gate churned open all of a sudden. Oh wait. No one else was running. The rest of the Umamusume all froze up too. I guess I should start running? I gulp down my apprehension and push off the muddy track with all my might! Since there was that torrential downpour the other day; what was probably supposed to be a dirt track was all mud. Still, it was a track, and I was blazing through it at a speed my mind could barely keep up with! It wasn't like I totally remembered how fast I could go as a guy before dying, but I could tell my past life had zero instincts for going so fast! It was scary, my heart felt like it could burst out of my chest! Yet, it also felt incredible! I was running so fast! Running as fast as the wind itself!
"Look at them go everyone! Keep cheering them on and they all race around the corner!"
The corner? Oh no. Turning at this speed on this track when I had zero experience was an impossible ask! As I approached the corner my body panicked and I turned left at a ninety degree angle. My cleats slipped across the mud as I gave it my all in running at this new angle. Weirdly, my momentum from sliding on the mud was preserved going forward, and I was keeping my balance to add new sideways momentum for the turn. I could hardly believe my own—this body's eyes!
I WAS DRIFTING ON THE MUD!
It felt incredible! I loved this feeling! Running, maneuvering, and flying! I felt on top of the world! I don't understand how something so simple and alien could feel so… so right. Ok, if I'm somehow actually amazing at this, then let's kick it into high gear! I let out a roar of determination and made this body's legs start a real sprint!!
"HhhhhaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!" I screamed as my spot in the front of the pack was all but secured on this holy mud track. I went sliding over the finish line and on the mud like a veritable ice princess. When I finally came to a stop I threw my hands in the air and cheered. I could feel a fit of laughter rise out of my chest that refused to subside. My lungs were burning, and my body felt like it could fall apart at any moment but I couldn't help but keep laughing. I felt that all the ridiculous shit that happened so far all just fade away, and all I could do about it was replace the pain with joy. Perhaps, being stuck like this wasn't all too bad. I still don't understand why it had to me, but maybe, that just didn't matter as much as I thought?
"Looks like our winner is number 1! Followed by the pack of her teammates that were chasing her."
The children were all screaming and cheering but my ears were only filled with the sound of ringing, laughter, and my own heart beat. That's why I never noticed something that might have been important. At first, the other racers didn't leave the starting gate at all, just like me. Then, when I actually started the race I heard the others take off after me. 'Perhaps they were just waiting for me to start to be nice?' is what I would have said if I didn't know they were all feral Zonbimusume. No, they didn't wait for me, the only reason they started running was because they suddenly had something to chase, prey.
"Oh look. Team Saga is going in for a group hug."
I was then bulldozed by all six of the other girls and slammed down onto the mud with extreme force. For a second, I swore my head was about to pop off my own neck, but the weight of six Zombies kept anything from coming off easily. However, despite the sudden pain of being crushed under a pile of Zonbimusume, I kept on laughing. It was just too insane to ever stop laughing at it, even when the Zonbimusume started biting my limbs.
***
The next day I sat outside on the porch just staring out at a blue sky. It was kinda peaceful, even if I was sitting here in a totally unfamiliar body. It wasn't enough to be dead, I was a girl now, and it wasn't enough to be a girl, I was also an Umamusume. Though, something about the day before made it all seem not so bad. My mind flashed back to the feeling of running down that muddy track. The speed. The wind. The mud. The win. All of it sparked a fire in my soul that demanded to be fed. Was it actually something I wanted? Or was it this body of mine? Even though I experienced the drive, I didn't know if I could truly trust my own feelings.
"I guess… All I can do is just, keep moving forwards until I figure it out." I reached up and lightly caressed the new ears atop my head. "For now, I'm going to try and find out who this new Hana Tamago even is."
It was then my ears flicked out my own hands and towards a new sound. Something inside crashed to the ground, followed by a scream that made me have to cover my ears. My tail straightened out and smacked into the wall with a painful thud, making me shoot out off the bench I was on. Whoever was making a racket like this was about to get an undead earful from me! I let out an annoyed harrumph and opened the door to get inside. It was then I was was greeted by a surprising sight. Aston was upright, growling at three people who were hugging each other for dear life against the wall. Eight Bellies, Go for Wand, and Mongolian Groom, were cowering from Aston Machon with real primal fear in their eyes. Eight bellies noticed me and held out an arm.
"H-Help! This is all w-wrong!" She said, almost about to cry.
"This must be a dream. This can not exist in my reality." Go For Wand said with chattering teeth.
"Uwwaahhh!! This is so scary!" Mongolian Groom whined.
"Oh goodness. I feel as if I had been sleeping for a very long time…" A new voice getting up from the floor muttered softly. It was Barbaro, scratching her head trying to clear the fog.
"<Gah, where the hell even is this place?>" English? Ruffian was speaking english. I suppose that's not too surprising, the majority of these Umamusume were from America except for Aston and I. How did I know that about Aston? Thoughts for another time- everyone was on the verge of a total meltdown! If i didn't try to clear the air were could have a whole Zonbimusume riot on out hands. I wracked my brain to try and think of anything to say, and only one thing came to mind.
"GO-GOOD MORNING EVERYYYOOOOOONNEE!!!!"