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Chamomile, lavender, mint, thyme, sage.
Sprigs of the plants had been meticulously labeled, categorized, and gently tucked away into their own personalized glass jars for safekeeping. There were many more left to be harvested before Ralsei could feel he had earned a moment of relaxation.
It had begun as a selfless effort – the heroes he had been tasked with accompanying on their journey didn’t exactly smell like roses and honeydew. Susie couldn’t help it; the closest thing she had to a bathtub was the milk Alphys left out in the alleyway. Kris made the occasional attempt to freshen up, though being conscious of their body long enough to take a proper shower sickened them. Ralsei, as a Darkener, didn’t necessarily need to take them, but found himself indulging to pass the time. If Kris willed him to smell like pepperoni pizza, he simply had no say in the matter. Thankfully, that idea hadn’t sprouted in their mind yet.
The restraints of routine and ritual brought a distinct comfort to Ralsei. Anything that could keep his mind from veering off path was something worth exploring at this point. Too many uncomfortable questions and open possibilities had reared their head in recent days. His sudden deep dive into the world of fragrances, cultivation and husbandry had admittedly been spurned on by some of these… complicated feelings. He felt a tinge of embarrassment every time his eyes met with the herbs he had contained within the glass jars resting on his shelf. Who was he to be tending to the whims of flowers? There was once somebody out there who would’ve never let him hear the end of it. Pathetic, was it not, to still be attached to such fleeting feelings?
Ralsei knew what would happen. He always did, for the most part. It’s what forced him to fill his days with mundane tasks befitting of a page, not of royalty like himself. It was that or staring blankly into the apocalypse until his mind was once again numb to the idea of assured destruction. It wasn’t a happy thought. Much of what he was tasked to deal with in that realm wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, so he savored the doses of whimsy that came into his life, though only temporary.
Distracted by his typical train of thought, he failed to realize he actually had accomplished much of what he’d set out to do that day. Kris and Susie’s rooms were put back together after their last visits, he had prepared an adequate amount of food for their next arrival, and all of the herbs required to craft bath products for them had been properly tended to. He bemoaned that he hadn’t given the last couple plants the usual amount of attention and care he lent to them. Blast that worrisome mind of his.
The prince made his way over to the calm, blue aura of his cauldron, bundles of herbs and dried petals grasped gently in his fluffy palms. He was terribly behind in terms of what was ‘en vogue’ as far as fragrances in the Light World. He fretted all too much over the possibility of sending Susie on a date smelling like tulips instead of daisies, how dare he make such a judgment! Perhaps he should engage in prayer for further guidance, a thought he only briefly entertained before breaking down in stifled laughter at the absurdity of the request. In an effort to continue his work on trusting his own intuition, to form thoughts for himself, he instead looked inward.
“I suppose it may be nice to smell like chamomile. I find it quite sweet and lovely, what do you think, Kris?” Ralsei turned to the side, eyes closed, hands clasped patiently behind his back. He let the silence hang long enough for him to give up hope before allowing his ruby pink eyes to drift back open.
“… that’s, fine too. I could always try it for myself, couldn’t I?”
He kept his eyes open, although it felt uncomfortable to do so. He didn’t know who exactly he was asking at this point. Asking for approval was just the only way he could get himself to go through with the decision to do something for himself. If something awful happened as a result, he could at least have the brief comfort of knowing it was an innocent question, and not any real desire of his. He didn’t have those.
His reflection in the soothing blue surface of the cauldron rippled and became unrecognizable as he gently dropped lye and tallow into the mix. The recipe he had settled on seemed quite outdated, but it worked with the materials he had on hand. Next came the chamomile petals, which he had so gracefully plucked that morning and allowed to steep in comfortably warm water until fragrant. The plant’s ambrosial scent began to waft through the castle as he stirred the mixture.
His mind once again began to wander, this time down a much more pleasant path than he had come to expect. He imagined for a moment how it would feel to experience a true state of relaxation. Surely something that would remain a dream, though it was nice to entertain. If only his mind was something he could take out and scrub clean in the bath.
How could he have been so foolish? He had once again gotten entirely carried away and selfishly made a soap with only himself in mind. Kris and Susie could arrive at any minute, never mind the fact that he wasn’t deserving of such frivolities.
He made no attempt to rush the next two batches, taking even greater care to assemble them than he had his. For Kris, he had picked out some lovely forget-me-nots to blend with a good helping of lavender and lemongrass. Their color certainly suited them – a flower sporting vibrant, blue petals, with an apt name to boot.
He was of two minds on what blend to create for Susie. He had become well acquainted with her personal taste in food, one which lent itself to items that were often inedible or at least inadvisable to continue consuming. Though he ultimately aimed to craft something that she would personally enjoy, he wasn’t chomping at the bit to make her a ham sandwich soap. He could always throw something together with lavender, maybe violets. Nothing quite fit the bill how he wanted it to. Susie was someone who deserved heaps more than what she had. He once again turned to face Kris, desperate to gain another’s approval on the matter, but… no. He was trying to be better about that. It wasn’t a question for the Angel, either, he reprimanded.
Suddenly, it came to him. Violet, blackberry, aloe. A purple, prickly exterior surrounding a soft, green aura. Perhaps the aloe would even help her curve the stabbing pains she swore were ‘good’ for her. He quickly got to work assembling the ingredients, humming a tune to himself as he felt his nerves droop to a sense of ease almost alien to him. Not much had changed; he was still Ralsei, as was willed of him. His free time was still dedicated to the whims of those he served. Having developed enough of a friendship with Kris and Susie to form these judgments around their tastes, their hopes, their dreams… that’s what quelled his worries for once. Even if it was never meant to reach this point, even if what they had accomplished would ultimately be temporary in the face of oblivion, it felt okay for right now.
… and, you know what? Maybe he did deserve a break.
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“Face masks, shampoo, conditioner, soap, aromatherapy steamers, epsom salts, bath bombs, body spray… it’s really a lot, isn’t it?” The prince mumbled to himself as he finished taking count of the myriad of products that littered the lip of the bathtub. “Oh, well. I did want to give it a try, after all. I might as well explore all my options!”
He was rather enthusiastic for someone on his lonesome. He had become quite accustomed to talking aloud as if someone was always there, even in his loneliest hours. This habit couldn’t possibly be healthy.
Cautiously, he reached over the bathtub and turned the handle, flinching like a small animal as a jet of water rushed out of the spout. The droplets of it that landed across his downy fur were quite a bit colder than he had been expecting. Was it possible that this tub was willed into existence by someone who refused to keep the water on long enough to even take a warm bath? He could very easily answer his own question, but chose to focus on a matter that had become a bit more pressing as of late.
Ralsei glanced over his shoulder both ways before focusing inward to summon a gentle, wobbly flame from within his palms. It was pretty weak, nothing like the show he had put on the day prior. He let out an exhausted sigh as the memory regrettably came back to him. It was different this time; all he wanted to do was take a nice, warm bath, like he deserved. The meager flame was just enough to pull the water in the direction of a more tolerable temperature.
Though he was completely alone, he was still unsure of what to do about the matter of his clothing. He didn’t particularly enjoy getting his robes wet. The alternative was certainly uncomfortable in more than one aspect, but would save him a lot of trouble when it came time to get back to whatever other nonsense he had conjured up to pass the hours. Awkwardly, he began to shuffle off his glasses and scarf, the rest of his garb following suit until he was just a mass of fur. He silently appreciated the lack of a mirror in what he had fashioned into a bathroom.
It felt wrong to be upset by it – his appearance. By all means, he had really lucked out. He was what many considered “cute”, “fluffy”, a “lovely boy”, words which didn’t mean all that much to him, truthfully. Nothing about this body was really his. Even that part of it felt slightly off. He just felt like an empty figure in a tunnel of mirrors, each reflection attempting to appease something the prior one lacked. He could mend new clothes for himself, play within the confines of costumes and roles, but when the fun was over, he was back to being… this. Something that was just ‘Ralsei’ and not much beyond that, just as the will of this world deemed sound.
It clicked all the much more when he came face to face with Kris’s father. That was the form they turned to in their search for a sense of normalcy, any semblance of truly belonging within their world. Something that didn’t quite look like Ralsei, but was close enough to stir a sense of discomfort in him. The whisperings he had heard of Kris’s brother only compounded onto the issue. He knew he was never meant to be anything more than himself. The thought was depressing, but something he’d for the most part come to terms with until now. The idea of being made in someone else’s image, to capture everything Kris wasn’t, everything they felt was expected of them… how could he be so selfish as to hate those parts about himself? It ate him alive.
Bath time. Right. Enough on appearances.
He gently dipped a single paw into the bathtub, testing the waters before deciding to plunge the remainder of his lower body in. The tiny splashes and ripples that spread across the water admittedly calmed his nerves more than he had expected. As the warm water wove its way between the strands of his dense fur, he allowed himself to slip deeper beneath the surface, until just his head and shoulders rested above.
“Wow! It is quite nice.” He remarked to himself as a nervous smile grew across his face.
Now that he was mostly settled, he figured he should attempt to figure out what any of these numerous bath-potions did. Some were self explanatory; he had at least shampooed and conditioned his fur many times. The more esoteric ones, such as the epsom salts and the aromatherapy steamers, completely evaded him. Were they snacks, like those served at tea time? Or perhaps just decorations to help set the mood? He carefully inspected one of the steamers, noticing that it had already begun to emit a pleasant citrus scent as a result of its proximity to the warm water.
“Ah! It must be some kind of incense, how lovely.”
While his back was turned, one of the stray bath bombs had rolled from the lip of the tub, landing in the water with a medium sized splash. Ralsei failed to notice until his gaze returned to the water, now dyed a vibrant spring green. Only when he noticed a tiny, bubbling ball of what looked like chalk, did his heart rate return to anything reasonable. He brought himself to a small fit of laughter after the initial wave of anxiety had subsided. His enjoyment continued to grow as he took in the delectable scent of the shampoo he was about to massage into his fur – summer peach with sweet berries.
Ralsei became so lost in the simple joys of engaging in some much needed self-care that he had achieved what he once saw as impossible. For once, it wasn’t about the prophecy, it wasn’t about his responsibility in aiding or preventing the end of the world, it wasn’t about the nature of who or what he was, he was just Ralsei, someone he usually didn’t get to enjoy being. Maybe the person he was in this moment wasn’t even Ralsei anymore. Any attempt to entertain the thought further would’ve drawn him out of the bliss he was experiencing, so, to Hell with it! Who cares anymore? If he could say that for once in his life, he truly felt great, that was enough to make everything he had been through and what he was soon going to face all worth it.
The only thing capable of bringing him down from this peak was the uncomfortable sensation of shampoo dripping down across his eyes.
“Suppose I should get out of here eventually, if I’m to get anything else done today.” He sighed.
Ralsei began to scrub away at the numerous bath products that had embedded themselves stubbornly into his locks of fur. If having to face his own reflection was the worst part of bathing, waiting for his fur to drip-dry easily came second place. It was the type that had a second, thinner coat trapped beneath the fluffy one that gave much of his frame shape, one that required a level of upkeep only he was diligent enough to maintain. Susie had attempted to brush him a few times but quickly gave up when she realized making shapes out of his discarded fluff was much more entertaining.
The tub unleashed a deep gurgle as it began to drain. Goodbye, green bath bomb. He naively hoped it would have a toy inside. Maybe he could give it to Kris, or, if he was feeling wild, he could display it in his room. It was just a thought, one that was refreshing for his mind to dredge up.
His gaze instinctively fell to the floor. All he could make out without his glasses was the blurry outline of his feetpaws. Maybe it was for the best that his mind wasn’t being enabled to make the usual judgments it did surrounding his body. He padded in a circle a few times before sitting down in a comfortable spot atop a towel, preparing himself for the arduous process it took to dry himself off. Instinctively, he reached for his glasses, before catching himself and lowering his own arm to his side. There was nothing he needed to see in that moment. It was enough to simply exist at ease within it.
Ralsei was, once again, just Ralsei. If that changed someday, he would welcome it. The steps it would take to get there would require confronting a lot of impossibilities, but, had he not accomplished such a feat today? He had to start somewhere.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could make out the outline of the two bars of soap he had crafted for Susie and Kris, standing defiantly next to the now slightly worn down bar he had used.
“I can’t wait to show them. I really hope they like it… “
It wasn’t a lie. He was excited to see the smiles on their faces. A part of him was eagerly anticipating Susie taking notice of the one he made for himself, though he fully expected her to give him a noogie and call him a dork over it. It was a memory he could close his eyes and smile about, even in the worst of times. That’s all he may have one day – memories. As long as they were times well spent, he could be at peace with the rest of it.
To be at peace… truthfully, all of his ‘desires’ amounted to that in the end.