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They noticed, of course.
The way she was holding herself just a tiny bit tense, the almost imperceptible waver in her voice. She was trying so hard to be cheerful, to not show that she wasn't feeling the best, to not worry anyone else.
Kris saw through it immediately. They were well practiced in the art of hiding when they weren't feeling okay – so they could easily notice when someone else was trying to do the same.
Ralsei had arranged a picnic for the Fun Gang. It had been a while since the four of them got to spend time and relax together. They were all sitting on a checkered blanket in the woods behind the castle, surrounded by sandwiches and cakes and multiple flavours of juice. Susie was engaged in a scintillating conversation with Lancer regarding the pros and cons of sleeping in holes. Ralsei was watching them with a smile on her face – an illusion of peace and happiness. She held a plate with a slice of cake on it – butchering it with her fork but not eating even a bite. And she loved cake, so that was alarming in itself.
Kris sidled close and put an arm around her shoulders, gently taking the plate out of her hands.
‘Oh, Kris!’ Ralsei’s voice was just a bit too bright. ‘Did you want something?’
‘You’re not okay,’ Kris murmured.
‘W-what are you talking about, Kris?’ Rasei stammered a little, nervous, dropping her voice so the others wouldn’t hear. ‘I'm perfectly fine, see?’
Kris just held her tighter. ‘Tell me what's wrong.’
‘You don't have to worry about me.’ Ralsei insisted, shaking her head. ‘Just enjoy the picnic, okay?’
Kris sighed, then stood up. They dusted cake crumbs off their skirt before pulling a surprised Ralsei up as well, discreetly steadying her when she stumbled a little.
‘What’s up?’ Susie asked, pausing in the middle of whatever she was saying to Lancer, who looked at them inquisitively.
‘Just gonna stretch our legs,’ Kris said. ‘Pick some Dark Candy maybe. Be back soon!’
Susie tilted her head at the two of them, a slight frown creasing her eyebrows. ‘Alright, man. See ya.’
Kris took Ralsei’s hand and led her away.
‘This is a very good idea, Kris!’ Ralsei remarked as they walked together among the pink and orange trees. ‘It is always nice to get some fresh air and exercise.’
Kris pursed their lips, silently walking on until they could no longer hear Susie and Lancer’s voices. ‘Rals,’ they said, turning to face her, their eyes furrowed in concern. ‘Drop the act. Please.’ Kris held both her hands and squeezed.
Ralsei watched them in silence for a few moments, pale pink eyes wide and apprehensive. Then she sighed and looked away. ‘I’m sorry, Kris.’
‘No, shush.’ Kris drew Ralsei close and wrapped her in a hug. They could feel her trembling. ‘Just tell me what's going on.’
‘I’m … tired.’ Ralsei confessed, burying her face in Kris’ neck, glasses askew. ‘Castle Town has gotten so big, haha. Not that I don't appreciate it! It's lovely to have so many subjects to live with and look after. It’s just been a bit … difficult to manage everything on my own.’
Kris rubbed a hand down her back. ‘Are you in pain?’
Ralsei tensed. ‘You … can tell?’
‘I had a feeling.’
‘Oh.’ Ralsei pulled away from the hug, tucking her hands behind her back, refusing to meet Kris’ eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Kris, I didn’t want to worry you.’
Kris frowned, exasperated. ‘I’m banning apologies.’
Ralsei blinked, surprised. ‘What?’
‘You’re not allowed to say sorry anymore.’ Kris mandated. ‘Nobody is.’
‘Oh, um, okay.’ Ralsei smiled that strained smile again. ‘If that’s what you want, Kris.’
‘Ralsei,’ Kris offered her an open palm, concern clear on their face. ‘I want you to talk to me. I want to help.’
Ralsei looked at Kris’ outstretched hand but did not take it. She was swaying slightly on her feet.
‘Rals?’
‘Kris.’ Ralsei’s voice had suddenly gone faint and breathy. ‘I, um, think I need to sit down for a bit.’
‘Okay.’ Kris reached forward and caught hold of her shoulders just as Ralsei’s knees were about to give out. They lowered her to the ground carefully, kneeling with her.
‘Sor- I mean,’ Ralsei caught herself and cleared her throat. Her head was bowed, hands clasped in her lap. ‘Thank you, Kris. I will be okay soon, please don’t worry.’
‘I am already worried, you idiot.’ Kris squeezed Ralsei’s shoulders. ‘Been worried from the moment I saw you today.’
Ralsei frowned and looked up. ‘I-’
‘No, shut up and listen to me.’ Kris cupped her face in their hands. ‘You’re not alone anymore. You have friends now, people who care about you, and they will worry about you whether or not you want them to. Because that’s what they signed up for.’ Kris swiped a thumb across Ralsei's furry cheek. ‘That’s what I signed up for. Because I love you.’
Ralsei stared at Kris in silence for a few moments. Conflicting emotions ran across her eyes, her breathing a little laboured.
‘You don't have to suffer on your own,’ Kris murmured softly, leaning forward to place their forehead against Ralsei’s. ‘So please stop trying to push me away.’
Ralsei closed her eyes against Kris’ intense gaze and took a deep breath. Her arms came around to hold them.
‘I wasn’t trying to do that,’ she said, head falling on Kris’ shoulder. ‘Sometimes this still doesn't feel real to me.’
‘What doesn't?’ Kris ran their fingers through the tuft of fur between her horns.
‘Everything. Me.’ Ralsei laughed softly, voice muffled as she talked into Kris’ shirt. ‘None of it feels real. So, my pain can’t be real either, can it?’
‘Susie’s gonna smack you for saying that.’
‘Kris!’ Ralsei giggled, but her laughter died quickly. ‘Don’t … tell Susie.’
‘Why not?’
‘She comes here to relax and have fun. I don't want to ruin that.’
‘She cares about you. She'll want to help too.’
Ralsei didn't respond.
Kris sighed. ‘You promised her no secrets.’
‘That was not about this!’ Ralsei's voice was small but indignant.
‘Still applies,’ Kris said, pulling back so they could look at her face again. ‘Now, where does it hurt?’
‘I, um, uh,’ Ralsei floundered, trying to stall but failing. ‘Everywhere?’
‘Everywhere.’
‘I know it sounds excessive. That's why I keep thinking it's not real, haha.’
Kris shook their head. ‘It’s not excessive, Rals. Not sure how it works for darkners but bodyaches aren't all that uncommon for lightners.’
‘Oh.’ Ralsei looked thoughtful. ‘Do you experience it too?’
Kris smiled, tight-lipped. ‘Often.’
‘And … Susie?’
‘Not as often, as far as I know. Mostly when she's sick.’
‘Oh.’ Ralsei looked thoughtful. ‘What do you do when it gets … bad?’
‘Rest. Sometimes medicines help.’
‘I see,' Ralsei mused. 'I tried healing magic but …'
‘Hey, Kris! Ralsei!’ Susie’s voice, shouting from the distance, startled both of them. ‘Where the heck did you guys run off?!’
‘Blue Kris! Toothpaste Princess! Where are you hiding?’ Lancer had also joined in on the search.
‘Ah-hah, we've been gone for too long,’ Ralsei flushed, embarrassed. ‘And we didn't even get any Dark Candy.’
Kris chuckled, mildly exasperated but also fond. ‘Over here, Suz!’ they called out.
The sound of a great beast barrelling through the trees and Susie was upon them.
‘There you are!’ she said, excited. ‘What were ya upto, huh? Making out or some shit?’
‘S-susie!’ Ralsei turned beet red and hid her face in her ears. ‘O-of course not!’ she exclaimed, just as Kris finger-gunned and said, ‘Bingo.’
‘Yeah, as if.’ Susie snorted, plopping down next to them on the grass. ‘So? What’s going on? I thought you wanted to take a walk?’ She made a broad gesture with her hands. ‘This looks like the opposite of walking to me.’
Kris looked at Ralsei, who was still hiding behind her ears, and said softly, ‘Ralsei’s not doing well.’
‘What?!’ Sharp concern immediately spiked Susie’s tone. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Oh, it's not- ’ Ralsei cut herself off at the look Kris gave her. ‘I mean, um, I’m just tired. I've been quite busy lately, haha! I'll be fine after I get some rest, there's nothing to worry about, really.’
‘And-’ Kris interjected, eyes narrowed at a flushed Ralsei. ‘She’s in pain. Bodyache.’
‘Shit, dude.’ Susie reached out and took Ralsei’s hands in her own. ‘You’ve been pushing yourself too damn hard.’
‘Yes …’ Ralsei sighed, finally relenting under Susie’s genuine care, so clearly evident on her face. 'I suppose I have …'
‘Alright, we’re heading back to the castle,’ Susie said, scooping Ralsei up in her arms and standing up.
Ralsei muffled a squeak. ‘Susie! What – I can walk!!’
‘Sure ya can,’ Susie grinned, adjusting her to be more comfortably settled and setting off towards the castle. ‘But today you get the Susie Service.’
‘???’
‘Just accept it.’ Kris followed, smiling up at Ralsei’s strawberry coloured face peeking over Susie’s shoulder. ‘Susie best transportation. 5 star reviews.’
‘From whom?!’ Ralsei asked, still extremely flustered.
‘Me, of course.’ Kris kicked a stray stone off the path.
‘And me too!’ Lancer rolled out of the bushes all of sudden, leaving a very Lancer-shaped hole in the leaves. ‘Susie’s the best at carrying this rotund boy! It is very fun to be tall with her!’
Susie chuckled. ‘Hear that, Ralsei? So just take it easy, okay? You're in great hands.’
‘I … never doubted you, Susie,’ Ralsei said, voice soft and fond. She let her head rest on her shoulder, closing her eyes and murmuring, ‘Thank you.’
‘Don't mention it,’ Susie replied gruffly, though Kris could tell she was blushing. They grinned to themself, choosing not to tease her about it just yet since Ralsei had just settled down.
.
.
.
By the time they reached the castle, Ralsei seemed to have fallen into a doze. Susie took her up to her (now well-although-haphazardly-furnished) room and laid her gently on her bed. She groaned, fluttering her eyes open to look at her.
‘Get some sleep, man,’ she said. ‘Kris and I will be here.’
But Ralsei shook her head and sat up, straightening her glasses. ‘Thank you, but I don't think I'll be able to sleep even if I tried.’
Susie frowned. ‘Why not?’
‘It’s just … um …’ Ralsei averted her eyes, fiddling with the end of her scarf.
Kris sat down next to her, placing a hand on her leg and squeezing lightly. ‘What is it, Rals?’
‘It’s not a big deal, really,’ Ralsei put on a strained smiled. ‘I just can't get comfortable, that's all.’
Kris exchanged a worried glance with Susie.
‘How long has it been since you last slept?’ she demanded to know.
'Peach girl works all night long,' Lancer replied, much to Ralsei's chagrin.
‘I do sleep at night!’ Ralsei hurried to assure as Susie's scowl deepened. ‘Just, not for long. It's okay, darkners don't need that much sleep anyway … and I get more time to get things done too!’
‘It’s because of the pain, isn't it?’ Kris was never one to mince words and the ensuing silence was answer enough for them.
They sighed and stood up, stretching. ‘Alright. Suz, stay here with Ralsei. Lancer, come with me.’
‘Huh? Where are you going?’ she asked, confused, but Kris just waved and walked out the door, Lancer in tow.
.
.
.
The plan was simple. After the years of chronic pain that Kris themself had suffered through, they knew that a long, relaxing soak in hot water could do wonders.
So they enlisted the help of Lancer and Swatch to haul enchanted water from Ralsei’s perpetually bubbling cauldron to the bathtub (the bathroom between Kris and Susie’s rooms being a relatively recent addition). Swatch even gave Kris a little bag of herbal salts to add, saying that he hoped it would help soothe the young princess.
The herbs smelled sweet and floral, a lot like Ralsei’s favourite tea, and Kris added some to the steaming water. Then, they acquired some fairy lights and speakers from Queen, politely turning down her enthusiastic offer of battery acid. They strung up the lights, making the bathroom glow soft pink, and set up the speakers to play some relaxing tunes that they knew Ralsei would enjoy.
Once satisfied with the preparations, they trudged back upstairs to call their friends.
Kris entered Ralsei’s room to find that Susie was building a veritable fortress of pillows and plushies around Ralsei while she looked on with a bemused expression.
‘Hey, Kris! You’re back!’ Susie cried, abandoning her pillows and striding towards them. Ralsei smothered a wince at her voice, which Kris immediately mentally noted as a ‘headache’ to add her list of ailments.
‘Quieter, please, Susie,’ Kris muttered to her, shooting a glance at Ralsei over her shoulder. ‘Can you bring Ralsei downstairs?’
‘Uh, yeah, sure,’ Susie scratched at her head sheepishly. 'Why, exactly …?'
Kris smiled mysteriously. 'You'll see.'
Susie flicked their forehead.
'The fuck was that for?' Kris exclaimed indignantly, rubbing the sore spot.
'Being a cryptic weirdo,' Susie laughed, walking back to Ralsei. 'C'mon, Rals. Let's go see what this dumbass has cooked up.'
Ralsei giggled. 'I'm sure whatever they have planned is nice, Susie.'
Kris huffed in mock affront. 'At least someone still believes in me.'
'Yeah, yeah, whatever.' Susie hauled Ralsei back up in her arms again. Kris was glad to note Ralsei did not protest this time.
.
.
.
‘This is all for me?’ Ralsei’s eyes widened with surprise as she took in the bathroom.
‘Mhm,’ Kris suddenly felt somewhat self-conscious. ‘I thought this would help you relax a bit. Help the pain too.’
‘I, um,’ Ralsei stuttered and stopped, a small smile on her flushed face. ‘I really don't know how to thank you.’
‘Just get your ass in the water,’ Kris muttered, unable to meet her gaze. Susie snorted at their obvious embarrassment and they shot her a half-hearted glare.
They two of them helped Ralsei get undressed and settled in the warm water. She visibly relaxed in the heat, laying her head back on a strategically placed towel. Kris sat next to her, beginning to massage her temples gently. Ralsei sighed in relief, eyes half-lidded.
'You comfy?' Susie asked, idly splashing at the water. She seemed to be having fun watching the speckled herbs float around in the swirls.
'Mhm,' Ralsei murmured. 'Thank you …' A red flush had settled on her cheeks, this time from the heat and pleasure rather than embarrassment.
The bathroom door swung open and Lancer bounced in, carrying a large checkered bundle tied to the end of a stick.
'You guys left the picnic behind so I brought it to you!' he announced. With a twirl, he opened up the bundle to reveal all the leftover food from the picnic, complete with the blanket, magically still in the exact state they had been left in.
'Woah, thanks a lot, buddy,' Susie grinned, immediately reaching for a sandwich. 'Hey, Ralsei, what would you like?'
But Ralsei seemed to have become blissfully one with the water, so Kris replied in her stead, 'Maybe later, Suz.'
''Kay,' Susie munched on her sandwich. 'What about you? Could toss some candy and chips in your mouth.'
Kris shrugged and opened their mouth wide as Susie began throwing food at them. To her credit, most of it landed in the desired location. Some ended up on the floor. Nobody cared.
Presently, Ralsei gained her awareness back enough to accept a slice of cake and actually eat it.
.
.
.
Back in her bed, dressed in soft, fluffy pajamas, warm and sleepy and relaxed for the first time in Angel only knew how many weeks, Ralsei reached out for the two people who meant the world to her.
‘Join me?’ she asked, pink eyes glistening. There was no way Kris or Susie could say no to those eyes.
So they both climbed into bed with her, holding her safe as they snuggled cozily under the blanket Kris had pulled over all of them. Drowsily, Ralsei wondered how wise it had been to temporarily hand over ruling duties to Lancer and Queen. But for now, all she wanted to do was sleep.
'So sleep, dumbass,' Susie muttered, nuzzling against Ralsei's neck, her voice a comforting rumble. Kris was gently petting her head, and they pressed a kiss to her forehead as if agreeing.
'Okay,' Ralsei accepted.