Chapter Text
Waking up every morning felt different.
Comfortable? Obviously.
But-... different.
Like, how did I get to this point?
Whatever.. it's already been two months. I should just move on from that.
.... Why was there a massive presence behind me?
My eyes slowly looked up..
Oh, right.. Toya.
I tapped his back gently. "Toya, can you wake up please?"
No reply.
It was already 6:30AM. We were going to be late...
"Toya, wake up." I tapped him a little harder.
"H-huh?" Toya's eyes popped open.
"Finally, it looked like you were dead."
Toya rolled over slightly to look at me. "Good morning." He smiled.
Seeing Toya smile always made me feel this warm thing in my chest.
How sweet...
Alright, moment's over.
"Morning. Can you get up now so we can get dressed?"
He froze for a second then sat up quickly. "Oh-.. sorry."
"You're good, don't worry about it." My feet hung off of the side of the bed. I sat up straight and stretched.
Toya stood up and walked towards the dresser. Well, his dresser, but.. also mine.
He grabbed my uniform and tossed it over. "I assumed you didn't want to get up yet."
I laughed softly. "You know me so well."
"I only know what you show." Toya chuckled through his words.
I laid my clothing flat on Toya's mattress and smoothed it out. Despite nothing really changing, it made me feel better.
Toya watched me. "Akito, why do you do that every morning?"
I looked over. ".. do what?"
"I've noticed that you try to get wrinkles out of your clothing by yourself before you get dressed."
I shrugged. "It's easier that way, I dunno."
He nodded slowly like he was putting that information into his mind.
He did that type of thing a lot.
Toya stood in front of his mirror and began to put on his school blazer and tie, but it looked kinda crooked. I couldn't let myself be seen in public with him looking like that..
I stood up. The floor was cold to my feet. I hated it.
"Toya, your tie is all kinds of messed up.."
"Oh, is it?" He looked down at his outfit. "Ah-.. my bad.."
My tongue clicked against the roof of my mouth. "Nah, I got it." I angled myself at a position to where I could perfectly adjust his tie before he messed it up more..
"Thank you, Akito.." Toya's gaze was warm and soft.
My entire body was shivering from how cold his room is. His parents don't ever turn off the AC or let people touch it...
Probably why they have no one visiting.
After Toya finished getting dressed, I could finally use the mirror now. I stood in front of it and put on my uniform. Toya's eyes kept glancing back and forth at my face.
"What?" I said, buttoning my jacket.
He looked away. "Nothing.."
...
"Pfft, alright." He was totally staring at me that whole time.
"Akito, I hate to alarm you like this but we have five minutes until school." Toya said calmly.
"Shit." My bag was downstairs, so I would just get it on my way out.
The two of us headed downstairs. Toya had the door open and waited for me.
I walked over to the rack where my bag was hanging. I grabbed it. "Alright, let's go."
Toya nodded. "Okay, come on."
He grabbed my hand and we started to walk-, well, run to school.
The good thing about being in Toya's house is that he lives a lot closer to Kamiyama than I do, so the trip there is always fast.
On our walk, he pointed at the same cherry blossom trees like always. "Pretty trees."
"They're just trees, toya."
".. pretty ones."
Everytime we'd pass them, we'd repeat that same dialogue. It's probably been about... three months now.
Before I moved in with him, we were doing it.
... We also hold each other so much that I hadn't even realized his hand was in mine until he let it go to point. I felt it fall to my side.
Anyways, we finally reached the school gate at 6:54. Six minutes to spare..
An was sitting next to the doors and started to grin when she saw us.
"Mizuki!! Look, it's my favorite couple!!!!" An whispered LOUDLY to Akiyama, who was sitting besides her.
"Lil bro and Toya-kun are so cute together. Ena said she was upset being the last one to know, though.." Akiyama replied back to An.
They thought they were being secretive, but they were both loud as hell.
Toya and I approached them. "I can hear you two loud and clear." I said, glancing at An.
"What? I didn't say anything bad."
"Are you two sure you're fine with everyone knowing, though?" Akiyama seemed to actually be curious.
I looked over at Toya. He took a breath. "We're sure. We've been dating for almost three months either way, so people were bound to find out eventually."
The bell rang. An stood up. "Alright, Akito. Time for class." She took my hand and pulled me away from Toya.
"Oi, what?" The gap got larger... "I love you, Toya!" I yelled before An forced me inside...
... Toya then came inside the building.
I forgot he wasn't also being held by force.
"I love you too, Akito." Toya said back before continuing to walk forwards to his homeroom. He was also trying to hide the fact he was laughing..
An and I came into the classroom and she sat me down at my desk. "There, there."
"An, I'm not five." My eyes rolled.
Kusanagi looked at us like she was suspicious. "Um.. good morning to you two as well.."
Kusanagi being in our homeroom was probably one of the worst yet best things to ever happen. It's bad because she's in the same group as Kamishiro and Tenma, so I see them often. However, she's good at everything she does and she is really excellent at speaking to our class now.
I guess it's not too bad.
Also, An had been wanting to have lunch with her FOREVER until she finally asked.
God, what took her so long.. pfft.
An came inching closer to Kusanagi. "Kusanagi, can I sit next to you today?" She then gave her the puppy dog eyes..
Kusanagi looked from side to side. "Um... okay."
An's face brightened up and she grabbed a chair, attempting to stick it under Kusanagi's desk.
"An, are you stupid? You can't fit another chair under there." I was convinced it wouldn't fit, but-
Then, it actually went in..
"You were saying?" She side eyed me and sat down.
"Ugh.."
Class moved by slowly. Probably because all An does is talk about Toya and I.
At first, it annoyed me. Why does she keep talking about our relationship? Is she jealous?
But, as she kept doing it-.. it made me kinda realize that she's talking about it because she's happy.
Don't get me wrong, it's still fucking annoying, but..
Maybe just a little less than before.
Besides, I enjoy talking about Toya.
"Akito, Kusanagi didn't know that you and Toya were dating." An said directly in my ear.
"An, what the hell?-.." I shook my head to readjust myself. "Oh, um.. okay?.."
"You should talk about how it started."
I crossed my arms. "You just want to hear it again, An..."
"Yeah, but!!-"
"Ugh." .. Pause. I looked over at Kusanagi. She was looking into the middle of her desk like she wanted to be apart of the conversation but was afraid.. "Fine, I'll tell the story."
"Yay!-.. I mean, thank you." An hid her smile from me, but it was obviously still there..
"Uhh... one day I had a talk with Toya during practice and for some reason I couldn't stop staring at his face. Like, looking at his face while he's speaking is something I usually do, but.. I was STARING right into his eyes and observing every single detail," Retelling this story always brings back some good yet awful memories, but.. An enjoyed hearing it.. "Anyways, after that, I started to kinda get the feeling like I liked him and I tried to snap myself out of it. It didn't work and I just became more attached, so I stopped trying to fight the feeling."
An was nodding with each word I said and listening closely. Kusanagi sat there while also processing, but not as vividly.
"Basically, few nights later.. I go to the hospital and come back to Toya's house, while I'm asleep he-..." What could I say instead of what actually happened...
I don't think he'd appreciate me telling people about his panic attack..
"He stays awake and gets up at some point, it woke me up, I stared at him and thought he was cute, I kissed him, he kissed me back, I kissed him again, 3 kisses one night...- Uh... dating next day, and yeah. That's it."
...
An began to clap loudly. "Bravo!!!"
Kusanagi looked over at An and began to hesitantly clap as well. "U-uh, yeah! Bravo.."
"Why'd you go to the hospital though?" Kusanagi asked with a concerned look on her face.
Well, dammit.. I forgot she had the free will and ability to ask that.
"Uh, that's not important to the story."
An's face changed from energetic to confused. "Akito, you left out some of the story."
My head tilted. "Huh?"
"Usually when you talk about this, you mention the part when you first said 'I love you' to each other for the first time."
"And you need to hear it again because...?"
An groaned. "It's a crucial detail to the story, Akito, and you know it!
"It wasn't that big, all that happened was before we got on stage for our event I had this strange feeling that it was the right time to say it. I dunno what else I could say for this.."
"That sounds sweet." Kusanagi smiled warmly.
.. "Yeah, it is."
The next 30 minutes was just An and Kusanagi talking about things going on in their lives.
For me, however.. I wanted to see Toya again.
I frowned and let out a long, sad sigh. "I miss Toya."
An and Kusanagi paused.
I realized I said that out loud. "Oh, um.. nothing."
An snickered and covered her mouth.
God, I like Toya so much it's actually embarrassing..
I just wish SOME people would stop teasing me about it.
Finally, the bell rang. I stood up. "I'm going to get Toya."
"Have fun with your boyfriend!" An started to start making kissing sounds.
Oh my God, I hate her.
I walked down the halls to Toya's classroom and opened the door. "Toya?"
He looked up and smiled. "Ah, Akito."
My hand instinctively reached for his and I helped him stand up. "Let's go up to the rooftop."
"Okay."
Toya and I walked up to the rooftop. We'd always have our lunch up here.
Eating has been stressful for Toya, however, so this part of the day always scares me a little.
Some days, he's fine with it, but others..
The thought of eating makes him feel nauseous. He's told me it's just anxiety and that the feeling has died down significantly since I moved in, so..
I guess I'll just trust him on what he's saying.
I sat down on the roof and he stared at me for a few seconds.
"What's up?" I noticed. It's pretty hard not to.
"You're really cute." Toya said it like he didn't even realize what he was saying, it just slipped out.
Although I wanted to reply, I couldn't possibly think of any words..
My face turned slightly warm.
Toya looked down at his bento box and opened it. He wasn't even embarrassed from the fact I didn't reply.
Embarrassment didn't really exist anymore. We would just compliment each other to get it out of our minds then move on.
"Oh, um.. also." Toya's tone got a little quieter. "My dad wanted me to mention the housing situation."
...
"Oh, uh.." I was speechless again, but it wasn't for a good reason this time.
"I don't want you to leave.." Toya's voice was soft and delicate. I didn't want it to shatter.
"Hey, I'm not leaving." Attempting to make my voice as gentle as his wasn't simple, but the message got across enough I think. "No matter what, I'd never leave you."
"But what if you're forced to leave?"
That's very possible and it will probably happen. Not looking forward to that..
"I'd fight." I whispered and smiled at the end.
"With words and not actions, correct?"
"Why not both?" I chuckled. Toya didn't seem to agree, though..
"Akito, you're not fighting my father."
I rolled my eyes. "Ugh, fine.. words then."
"Good."
Since when have I become so obedient...? I'm such a loser..
"Oh, Akito?"
"Yeah?"
Before he spoke, he hesitated a bit. "Um-... how have you been feeling today?"
...
"Toya, we do this everyday."
"I just want to make sure.."
I sighed. "I'm okay. Trust me."
It took a little, but eventually, he nodded. "Okay."
Toya's been scared that I'm going to do something again... but...
I've changed.
Why can't he see that?
.... I haven't even done anything for two months. What is he scared of?
Whatever..
At least he cares.
.....
What is that noise?
Toya took a seat on the rooftop very slowly. His bento box was closed and he placed it down gently, scooting it away from him..
He had one hand over his mouth. I watched him sit down.
"Toya?" I shifted over just a bit towards him.
He stayed in the same position.
"Sorry.." His voice shook.
My head tilted. "Toya, are you-"
"I'm .. okay..." Toya replied before I could even get the full question out, but his breaths were airy and shaky.
It's not like he was in tears or anything, he was just visibly shaken up.
Right as I was about to speak again, Toya stood up. His legs were wobbly.
"Um, sor-..-... I'll be back.."
Then, he sprinted down the stairs.
What the...- "Toya?!" There was no hesitation before I got up and ran after him.
But by the time I got down there,
Toya was nowhere to be found.
Is he really going to make me search the entire school for him?
I mean, I'll do it, but-.. still, why?
I ran down the main hallway looking for any signs of him, until I spotted someone..
Are you fucking serious?
"Akito, is everything okay?" Tsukasa was sitting down next to Kamishiro-senpai in the hall. His face had a hint of worry in it.
"Uh-... why?" I wasn't about to sit here and talk to him, but if he knew something about Toya..
"Rui said he saw Toya-kun pass by just a second ago." Tsukasa explained while he zipped his bag. "I just got here, so.."
My gaze redirected onto Kamishiro. "You saw him?"
Kamishiro tilted his head forward a little and nodded. "Mhm. Down.." He pointed. "There."
".. thanks." If he's telling the truth, Toya should be down here.
Why do they happen to be everywhere I go, though? Ugh..
This hall is usually blocked off for students, so if Toya went back here..
He'd get us both in trouble if we were spotted.
Nonetheless, I kept looking around for Toya until I began hearing the sound of something coming from inside the bathrooms.
"... Toya?" I whispered silently. If Toya wasn't in here, God.. this is so embarrassing.
I stepped inside ever so slightly, and..
He wasn't in my view, but I very obviously saw Toya sat down inside of a stall through the crack on the bottom.
This is going to be so awkward to tell him I followed him..
But, it looked like something was wrong.. so I had to help.
Before I could do anything though, he got up.
Oh shit-.. I gotta get out of here.
Um... oh, how about I walk past the bathroom and pretend like I was looking for him?
Yeah, that should work..
I tiptoed out of the bathroom and walked a few steps down the hall.
Toya's stall opened and footsteps were heard, so I decided it was time now.
"Toya?" I began to walk forwards, just until-..
"A-Akito....?" Toya peeked his face out from the bathroom entry.
The first thing I noticed is that his eyes were somewhat glossy and I'm guessing his nose was running by the fact he kept wiping it. "Why'd you leave?" I thought the question was okay, BUTTTTTT...
"It doesn't matter." Toya's tone was strict..
Alright... um..
Where do I go from here?
"Are y-"
I was cut off.
"Let's go back." He said it almost like he didn't want to keep the attention on himself.
No, I-...
Fuck this.
I reached out for his hand and I grabbed it, restricting him from leaving. "No, Toya. Something just happened."
"I can assure you nothing did," Toya's face was serious. "I need you to let go of my hand."
Although he said it nicely, I couldn't..
"Toya..." My hand held on tighter.
He put his head down a little bit. "Akito, please." He said quietly.
....
"Sorry."
I let go.
Without saying a word, he started to walk forwards.
Every part of me wanted to follow him, but..
But I couldn't.
I turned around and walked the other way.