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Simon and Ryland stayed glued to each other for as long as possible, holding each other quietly as they sat on the hospital bed. Ryland had moved to rest his head on Simon’s right shoulder and Simon’s right arm was around his waist holding tightly. 

It had been such a long week after Simon’s injury while diving and waiting for him to be safely brought onshore to a hospital was the slowest week of Ryland’s life. And now they were sitting in a hospital room in Scotland soaking in each other’s presence.

They didn’t talk. There was too much to say. The reassurances had been enough for now. They had each other. That was more than enough. 

There’s a knock at the door but neither of them move to change position. A minute goes by quietly before the knocking returns. 

Ryland takes a deep breath as he slowly peels himself off Simon and sits up properly. Simon’s grip on his waist doesn’t go anywhere. 

“Come in.” Simon raises his voice a little to make sure he’s heard through the door. He’s not about to let Ryland out of his hold to go answer the door. 

The door opens and three people walk in, two doctors and a nurse by the looks of it. The older man walks up to the bed and holds out a hand to shake Ryland’s. “I’m Mr. Finley, I'm the consultant orthopedic trauma surgeon on call today. I’ve already spoken with Mr. Grace when he arrived.”

“Just Simon.” Simon corrected. 

“Of course.” Mr. Finley agreed easily. 

“Mister?” Ryland repeats as he shakes his hand. “Not doctor?”

“A cultural difference.” Mr. Finley assures him with a smile. “I’ve been to medical school and have been a surgeon for over a decade. And you are?”

“Ryland Grace.” Ryland introduced himself. “Ryland is fine. Or Grace. I don’t care.”

“PhD.” Simon added quietly from the side. 

“That is not applicable here.” Ryland quickly jumped in. “I have a PhD in molecular biology. I’m not a medical doctor. I hardly know anything about anatomy or medicine. I just read the warning labels on the packaging and hope for the best.”

That gets a laugh out of the surgeon. “Simon told us a bit about you and your field this morning. He said you’d probably be interested in looking at all the tests and imaging we’ve done to evaluate his injury.”

“I would like to see everything you can show me. As long as you’re ok with it, Simon?” Ryland asked, turning to look at his husband. 

Simon nodded. “I don’t want to see anything else. But if you want to see it, go for it.”

Mr. Finley continued on with introductions. “Let me introduce you to Paisley, our trauma nurse and Dr. Karson Mackle, our registrar.”

Ryland shook the nurse's hand and then the other man’s. “Registrar?”

"I've finished medical school and I’m training to become a senior surgeon like Mr. Finley.” Dr. Mackle explained. 

“Never thought I’d learn much about health care across the pond.” Ryland joked. “It’s nice to meet you all. I know our health care system back home isn’t any simpler."

The medical staff sat down across from Ryland. There were a few stools in the room. Dr. Mackle had brought in a computer on a compact rolling desk set up and began pulling things up that Ryland couldn’t see. 

“I’d like to start by saying that after taking a look at your arm, Simon, your team did an excellent job taking care of you despite the circumstances.” Mr. Finley spoke with a decisiveness that Ryland appreciated. 

“I know.” Simon agreed quietly. 

“I know you were there for all of this, but I’m going to recap for Ryland’s sake.” Mr. Finley said as he looked at Ryland. “This morning we took X-rays and CT scans so we could assess the situation fully.”

“Simon, I’m about to pull up your X-rays, if you would like to look away.” Dr. Mackle looked up from the computer kindly. 

Simon’s arm around Ryland tightened as he turned his head and closed his eyes. 

“Here’s the X-ray of Simon’s arm that was taken this morning,” Dr. Mackle turned the screen so Ryland could get a good look at it. 

The room was quiet. Ryland looked at the X-ray on the screen and felt his stomach drop. His arm didn’t look too bad when it was in a splint and covered in bandages. But the X-ray was a more honest reality. 

Ryland couldn’t even begin to understand what was supposed to be where. He knew what an arm was supposed to look like, and this was very, very wrong. 

“Oh.” He couldn’t look away. Simon’s grip on him tightened even more if it was possible. 

“Ok… yeah…” Ryland nodded his head. Hands gently reaching down to touch Simon’s arm that was clinging to him like a life line. “I see.”

Dr. Mackle turned the screen back around and it broke Ryland’s trance. He bit down on his lower lip to keep any number of horrible phrased questions for slipping out of his mouth. Simon was tense like he was bracing for a panic attack and Ryland was not about to add fuel to that fire. 

The heart rate monitor had sped up a little and Ryland twisted around, running his hands through Simon’s messy hair. “The screens turned back around. You can breathe.” 

It took a second but Simon gasped for air and slowly his breathing evened out. 

None of the medical staff in the room jumped into action. They just waited as Ryland combed his hands through Simon’s hair and whispered to him while his panic subsided. 

“Um, I’m not sure I want to look at anything else.” Ryland said carefully, turning back to the medical team. “Not right now. At least.”

“Of course. We can review them later if you would like.” Mr. Finley offered. “Perhaps in my office if that would be easier for Simon?”

Simon still had his eyes squeezed shut but he was listening. He slowly nodded his head. 

“Yeah.” Ryland agreed. “I think that would be easier for everyone.”

“Simon, would you like us to pause?” Mr. Finley asked. “We’re going to take this at your pace.”

“Continue.” Simon slowly opened his eyes and looked at Ryland, taking a deep breath. “I’m ok.”

“We also took some CT scans to give us a look at more than just bone,” Mr. Finley continued. “We will not pull up those scans right now, but what they showed is that there’s no blood flow going into Simon’s left elbow. The imaging clearly showed where the arteries stop right around here.” Mr. Finley motioned to a place on his own left arm, above the elbow. 

“Ok.” Ryland nodded.

“At this point, we cannot save the arm.” Mr. Finley spoke gently. “There is no more blood flow and a lot of the muscle and tissue has already died. Our recommendation is going to be an above elbow amputation to save what is left of the limb.”

Ryland took a deep breath. Simon had been right about his background. He reasonably knew that, yeah, if the arm was dead, amputation was the only option. Leaving dead cells attached to Simon’s body would just be dangerous, it would be a huge risk of infection. Quality of life would plummet, life expectancy too.

“How much of his arm can you save?” Ryland asked. 

“The amputation will be above the elbow. We’re going to aim to keep as much as possible.” Mr. Finley motioned to a spot on his arm again. Just above where he had indicated before. “I think the amputation will be around this area. The goal with amputations is to always preserve as much as possible.”

“Simon?” Ryland asked. 

“Yes?”

“Do you have anything?” Ryland promoted gently. “Any thoughts?”

Simon shook his head. “No.”

“We have the consent forms for the surgery if you’re ready for them, Simon.” Dr. Mackle pulled out a clipboard that had been sitting on a shelf of the rolling desk. “You can take your time going over them and use the call button to have a nurse collect them when you’re done.”

Simon didn’t make a move to let go of Ryland, so Ryland accepted the clipboard and attached pen. “Thank you.”

“Unless you have any questions, we will give you two some space.” Mr. Finley didn’t make a move to stand up, he wasn’t rushing away but offering the couple the room to themselves again.  

“I think we’re ok for now.” Ryland looked at Simon who nodded once. “Thank you all.”

“Of course.” With that the medical team filed out and the two were alone again. 

Ryland lifted the clipboard and started to read over everything as Simon sat on the bed with him. The paperwork was daunting. There were multiple release forms, consent forms, and financial liability forms. It was a lot, and it was depressing, but he needed to know exactly what Simon would be signing. 

When he finally finished he passed them off to Simon, who reluctantly let go of Ryland so he could handle the clipboard. 

Simon took half the time Ryland did looking at the papers. He fumbled the pen a little bit but still managed to sign and date everything. 

When he got to the end of the stack he paused at one of the last forms, taking a deep breath and nudging Ryland who had been spacing out. 

“You done?” Ryland asked as he turned his head to look at Simon. 

“Almost. I’m on the last form, the one about disposal or holding.” Simon said quietly. “There’s no way we can fly it back to America, is there?”

“I think the TSA would have a heart attack.” Ryland shrugged. “I’m sure there’s a way to do it, but I don’t know.”

“It feels wrong,” Simon paused as he stared down at the paper, “to have to figure out what to do with it.”

“There’s an option there for the hospital to hold it for up to 28 days. You don’t have to make a decision right now.” Ryland recalled. “We can talk about it and look into your options and decide later.”

Simon checked over the form again, marking the option Ryland had mentioned and signing at the bottom of the page. He flipped the papers on the clipboard back to the first page and handed it and the pen back to Ryland. 

Ryland smiled sadly as he took the paperwork. Simon pressed the call button and Paisley was at the door a minute later, coming in to collect the paperwork. She checked it over to make sure nothing was skipped. 

“Ok, Mr. Finley wanted me to let you know that we can start the surgery in about an hour. We need some time to get everything ready to go.” Paisley said as she lowered the clipboard. “Do either of you two need anything in the meantime?”

“No.” Simon said quietly. 

“I’m good, thanks.” Ryland agreed. 

“Ok, the anesthesiologist will be in here in about forty five minutes to consult with you and get you ready for surgery.” Paisley let them know as she stepped out of the room. 

Simon’s arm snaked around Ryland’s waist again, holding him tightly. Ryland just laid back down, resting his head on Simon’s uninjured shoulder again. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Ryland asked quietly. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to be.” Ryland whispered. “It wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s fault.”

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” Simon corrected himself. “You went through this with Colt… getting hurt on the job. And now me.”

“I’m more worried about you right now.”

“I’ve had nothing but time to make peace with this.” Simon admitted. “Being in decompression gives you a lot of time to think. I couldn't do much else if I wanted to. I know the risks of my job. When the medical staff told me what happened, I knew what was coming.”

Ryland nodded his head. 

“Are you ok?”

“Si, don’t worry about me. I’m ok.” Ryland promised. 

“I’m glad you’re here.” Simon squeezed Ryland. “I… I’m not worried about the surgery. But life after… it’s going to be different.”

“And that’s ok.” Ryland promised. “We will figure it out together. I’ll be there for you the entire time.”

•••

Ryland got to sit with Simon while he was prepped for surgery. He held Simon’s hand as he was rolled out of the room and down the hall. And he only reluctantly let go when he was told he couldn’t go past a set of double doors. 

A nurse had escorted him to a different waiting room than the one he had spent the morning in. It was smaller than the one before. This time there were actual couches instead of waiting room chairs. 

A woman stood up and approached as the nurse left Ryland there by himself. “Dr. Grace? I’m Ava from Iron Lung Diving Group, we spoke on the phone a week ago.”

Oh. Great. He was going to have to deal with this while Simon was in surgery. He did not want to deal with this. 

“I apologize that I have not been able to meet with you sooner.” Ava said with a practiced meter as he shook her hand. “I hope that your travels here were uneventful.”

Ryland nodded along. “Nothing too crazy.”

“I will be onshore until you and Simon fly back to the States. In the meantime I’m here to help manage your accommodations, deal with the company’s insurance, navigate the NHS, and travel home. Did you walk to the hospital this morning? I can drive you to and from if you’d prefer.”

“I appreciate that.” Ryland took a shaky breath. “You’ve already done a lot to get me out here I’m sure. The walk was like half a mile, it’s nice weather and it’s good for me to be outside. Besides, I bike to work everyday back home, I’m used to it.”

Ava nodded. “Our career field is small. We are invested in taking care of our own. If, in a few years, Simon wants to come back and be involved in our work again, we’ll make sure the door is open. If he never wants to do that, he’s still got life long friends and contacts in our company. Is there anything I can do for you while you wait? I’m here to support you as well, it’s a difficult thing to watch your spouse go through I’m sure.” 

“Coffee.” Ryland had said the word before he even thought about it. “But like real coffee, not the free stuff from the lobby.”

Ava was already moving. She opened her folder that was stuffed with paper and pulled out a pad of stick notes and a pen, passing them over to Ryland. “Write down your order. They don’t have Starbucks here but I’ll find a place.” 

Ryland wasn’t about to decline coffee. He scribbled down his usual drink order and handed it back. 

In exchange Ava handed him a business card. “I’ll be back within the hour with coffee.”

“Thank you.” Ryland smiled. “I guess I’ll find a seat.”

Ava nodded, letting herself out of the waiting room and disappearing down the hall. 

There were a few people in the waiting room. Everyone was spread out and doing their own thing. Ryland found the emptiest spot he could and dropped down onto a couch, pulling out his phone and opening the “Simon Support Group Chat.”

Typing out the words hurt like a knife to the heart. They had all known it was coming, but it hadn’t been reality yet. Now it was. 

He checked the clock on his phone. He wouldn’t expect a response from Rocky and Adrian probably until the surgery was over. It was the middle of the night back home in San Francisco. Colt was probably on set at this hour in Bangkok, and as promised, Jody had his phone.

It was funny to have Jody text from Colt’s phone. She always signed her messages the same. She was a great sister-in-law, Ryland loved having her in the family. 

He closed his eyes and tried to relax. It didn’t last though as his phone started ringing full volume. He’d forgotten to turn that off now that he was reunited with Simon. 

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Colt sounded a little out of breath on the other line. “I saw the text. Are you ok?”

“Yes. I’m ok. I’m in a waiting room and it’s really quiet so I don’t want to talk too long.” Ryland said, keeping his voice down. 

“No, I won’t keep you, we’re filming this huge fight scene today, we’re getting so close to being done with it.”

“Like hand to hand combat?” Ryland winced and hoped no one was paying attention to him, without context his question was weird.

“Yeah, I get hit with a car at the end, but that’s about the only extreme thing we’re doing.” Colt tried not to sound too disappointed. “Enough about me, how are you holding up?”

“I don’t know. I got to see him before surgery. They showed me an X-ray and he nearly had a panic attack.” Ryland let out a deep breath. “He was even looking away from it, I don’t know if it was my reaction or what upset him.”

“Did you react badly?”

“I don’t think so,” Ryland took off his glasses and rubbed at his face. “I said something like ‘oh’ and ‘okay.’ I was really trying to not react but it was really bad, Colt.”

“It probably wasn’t you, it was just the situation.”

“I know… but he was… I don’t want to say shutting down, but he was… reserved.”

“He’s in the hospital, Ry.”

“No, more so than you’re thinking.” Ryland corrected. “He wasn’t disassociating but it really looked like he wanted to.”

“I’m sorry, man. Injuries like that really mess with your head. I know it’s not the same but after I broke my back… you know how I was. My coping skills involve exploding, Simon’s involve imploding.”

“It’s not the same.” Ryland agreed. “But it’s more alike than you think.”

“We’ll be back state-side by the end of the month. Whatever I can do to help you guys out let me know. Do you know when you’re coming back?”

“Not yet. I think it depends on how the surgery goes. We didn’t really talk about that part yet.”

“Ok. I’m really sorry you guys are going through this, Ry. I love you, little man.”

That got a curt laugh out of Ryland. “Yeah, yeah, best ten minutes of your life or whatever. I love you too, Colt.”

“Talk soon. Keep the group chat updated.”

“Will do. Be safe on set.”

•••

Waiting for Simon to come out of surgery felt just as long as waiting for him to come out of decompression.

Four hours maximum is what they told him. Then about two hours in a recovery room. Then Simon would be taken to a private room where Ryland would get to see him. 

Ava came back 40 minutes after he hung up with Colt, two to-go cups in hand. She passed Ryland his and checked in with him, offering to sit with him while he waited. Ryland had ultimately declined that offer, thanking her for the coffee. 

Every time someone came into the room, he looked up, expecting it to be for him. It never was. 

It was about fifteen minutes after the four hour mark someone finally came into the room for him. A nurse informed him that the surgery went as expected and Simon would be in the recovery room for the next few hours while he was taken off anesthesia. The surgeon would be able to speak with both of them once Simon woke up to provide more information.

So another two hours in the chair. 

He pulled out his phone, first adding Jody’s number to the group chat before typing out his update. 

Ryland was fine. As fine as he could be. He'd be asking the same questions if their places were swapped but it still got on his nerves. 

•••

“Mr. Grace?” A nurse called from the doorway. 

Ryland quickly jumped up and grabbed his bag walking over. 

“He’s going to be in and out of it the rest of the day.” The nurse explained. “Mr. Finley will be back to check in and talk to you both tomorrow once Simon’s feeling better.”

“Can I stay the night?” Ryland asked. “I don’t want to leave him here.”

The nurse nodded. “We moved him into a room with a couch that you can use as a bed. Medical staff will be checking on him on and off all night, so you probably won’t sleep well. But you can stay.”

“I’m not sleeping well no matter where I am.” Ryland sighed. 

The nurse gave him a knowing look as she stopped walking and directed him to one of the rooms. 

Ryland nodded and opened the door slowly and quietly. Simon was propped up on the bed. He’d pulled one of his sheets up to completely cover his left side. 

“Hey, Si.” Ryland smiled as he slowly walked over to the bed. His heart was racing as he sat down in the chair that had been left by the bedside. “Hey. I’m here.”

“Hey Angel.” Simon reached out his hand and took Ryland’s. 

Ryland held on tightly, and with his free hand he pushed away some of Simon’s hair and then cupped his face. 

“How are you feeling?” His voice came out quiet, but he finally got the words out. 

Simon hummed. “Tired. Can’t feel much.”

Ryland nodded, he gave Simon’s hand a squeeze. “I love you.”

Simon was exhausted and being pushed to his absolute limit by the number of people who had been in and out of his room today. 

The trauma team, the pain team, two different types of therapists had come to consult. 

And through it all Ryland sat attentively, asked more questions than Simon could think of, and diligently took notes. 

It was what he imagined looking back at a college aged Ryland would be like: bags under his eyes wearing the same clothes as yesterday, notebook in his lap, pen flying over the pages as he quickly went from looking at whoever was speaking to scribbling down notes again. 

It came from a place of dedication and Simon felt like no one could possibly be better to sit here with him than Ryland. His sweet guardian angel was the one light in his entire morning. 

When their eyes met and held a little too long he watched Ryland’s expression soften. And when the group who had been moving him around and showing him stretches to do had finally left, Ryland followed them out. 

Simon sat alone in his room for about five minutes. He could hear Ryland talking to someone outside. He could barely make out Ryland’s figure through the window. 

And then Ryland came back in, tossed his notebook to the couch-turned-bed and took the chair pulled up on Simon’s right side. 

“There’s still a lot of people we need to talk to about recovery and Mr. Finley wants to see you, but I got us an hour of quiet.” Ryland yawned. 

“How’d you manage that?”

“Told them you were getting overwhelmed and needed a break. I could see it in your eyes. You need a break, my hand needs a break.” Ryland joked as he shook out his hand from his excessive notes. 

“Thank you Angel.” Simon sighed. “I’m… so tired.”

“Yeah.” Ryland nodded along. “I know you are.”

•••

Simon didn’t realize just how good Ryland’s read about him needing a break was, until it was over. 

The nurses wanted him to get out of bed and walk around. It sounded like a terrible idea, Simon just wanted to be left alone again, but Ryland coaxed him to swing his legs over the bed. 

Two nurses supported him and Ryland hovered closely. Simon was still a little unsteady from the surgery the day prior, and his missing limb threw what little balance he had left from the residual medication.

They let him move at his own pace, asking him to walk across the room once, if he was comfortable with that. 

It took a while, his body weak from everything it had endured, but it happened. Ryland’s face lit up like a Christmas team as he made it to the other side. One of the nurses showed Ryland how to support Simon in case he fell and let Ryland be the one to help him back to his bed. 

There were reassurances that it would get so much easier with time, but he needed to get up and move to help his recovery. 

•••

“It’s good to see you, Simon,” Mr. Finley smiled as he pulled up one of the rolling stools. 

Ryland had taken his place back on the bed with Simon, sitting on the side with Simon’s arm wrapped around him, holding tight. 

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m tired.” Simon said quietly. “It’s been a long day.”

Mr. Finley smiled warmly at that as Ryland reached for his notebook at the end of the bed getting ready for the conversation. “That’s to be expected, you’ll have nurses coming to check on you throughout the day, but this should be the last meeting you two have. So hopefully you can get some rest.”

“Let’s start with what the next few days are going to look like.” Mr. Finley began. “Tomorrow we’re going to start moving you off of the IVs and onto oral medication. You’re going to notice a difference, and it’s going to be uncomfortable. We’re also going to need to redress the bandages on your arm and inspect it to see how it’s healing. Occupational therapy and physiotherapy will be by to start working with you. I know it’s overwhelming, but the sooner you start working on those things, the better your quality of life will be.”

Simon nodded his head as he listened. 

“Thursday and Friday will be more of the same: making sure you’re healing well, making sure the pain medication we switch you do is enough, and working with the therapists. If all goes well, we will discharge you on Saturday. You won’t be cleared to fly home yet, and you’ll still need to come in for check ups, but you won’t have to stay here.” Mr. Finley looked over at Ryland. “Do you have a hotel room?”

“Yes, like half a mile away. Pretty close.”

“Metric units?” Mr. Finley requested. 

“Oh… that's like 800, maybe 900, meters?” Ryland took a second, being put on the spot. “Right, sorry, not in California anymore. Oh and there’s a representative from Iron Lung Diving Group here who’s got a car and can drive us.”

“Ava’s here?” Simon spoke up. 

“Yeah, taking care of insurance and the hotel and all that.” Ryland nodded. “I called her today and asked her to not come in unless she needed something. It’s been a chaotic enough day. But she does want to check in with you.” 

“Later.” Simon agreed. 

“I think another week of outpatient care while you stay at a hotel should be enough as long as there’s no complications.” Mr. Finley recommends. “Then you two can travel home. It really just depends on your progress, Simon.”

Simon nodded his head. 

“I’m going to let you two get some rest if you don’t have any questions for me, then.” Mr. Finley offered. “I’ll be back tomorrow to look at the surgical site and see how you’re doing.”

“Thanks.” Ryland checked over what he’d written down. “Sounds good.”

“Thank you.” Simon agreed quietly. 

Mr. Finley gave them a wave as he walked out the door. 

“I’m back.” Ryland smiled as he walked into the hospital room. Simon had made him go get coffee and tea so that he could have some time alone to breathe. “I texted Ava and this is the place she went to get me coffee while you were in surgery. It was good so hopefully their tea is good as well.” 

Ryland placed the drinks down on a small table in the room as he shrugged off his extra layers and threw them in a chair. He grabbed the drinks and brought them over to Simon, carefully handing off the cup and making sure he had it before sitting on the bed to sip his half-drunk coffee.

“Did anything happen while I was gone?”

“No. Just the regular check-ins.” Simon sipped at his tea. “Dr. Finley’s going to come look at my arm soon. The nurse said they want to check my surgical site before changing my pain meds.”

Ryland nodded his head. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Keep you on the good stuff while people are messing with you.”

“I’m not looking forward to changing pain medication.” Simon muttered softly. “I can still feel it. My nerves are still hyperactive. It’s only going to be worse.”

“Do you want me to go get a nurse?”

“No. It is not painful right now. It’s like my arm is still there but it’s asleep.” Simon frowned. “And even then, it’s a dull feeling.”

Ryland held the drink in his lap. “How long has that been going on?”

“On and off.” Simon shrugged. “It’s the phantom pain they told me about. It’s been happening since I woke up from surgery. But it’s… tolerable.”

“I don’t trust the word tolerable.” Ryland gave Simon a half-hearted glare. “Your pain tolerance scares me. Pain is your body telling you something is wrong, if you’re ignoring it, that’s not good. I’m sure there’s methods to manage that. I’ll try to remember to ask Mr. Finley when he stops by.”

“I’m ok. You don’t have to do everything for me.” Simon sighed. 

“I’m trying not to be overbearing.” Ryland admitted softly. “But it’s clear to me just how tired you are from everything. I just want to help.”

“It’s unfair how easily you can read me. I don’t like this.”

“Yeah, it’s usually the other way around and much harder for me.” Ryland chuckled. “Simon, you’ve been through a lot recently. And it’s not over and I’m just trying to take care of you. You know in sickness and in health or whatever that line is?”

“You're doing great, Angel.” 

•••

“Good morning.” Mr. Finley greeted the couple as he walked into the room with Dr. Mackle in tow. “How are you feeling today, Simon?”

“More of the same.” Simon muttered as he leaned back into his mattress. 

“He mentioned some phantom pain.” Ryland spoke up. “When we were talking this morning.”

“It’s tolerable.” 

“What’s it feel like?” Dr. Mackle asked as he walked over to the sink to wash his hands.

“Like my arm’s asleep. It’s not bothering me.” Simon answered. “I’m fine.” 

Ryland sighed dramatically. “Whatever you say, Si.”

“Let us know if it starts to be an issue.” Dr. Mackle reminded as he walked over, putting clean gloves on his hands. “So this morning before we change any of the medication you're on, we’re going to get a look at your residual limb and see how it’s healing. Would you like us to put the curtain up again so you can’t see?”

“Yes.”

“And what about Ryland?” Dr. Mackle asked. “Are you comfortable with him looking over our shoulder or would you rather he sit with you and not look.”

“He can look if he wants.” Simon gave a little shrug. “I just don’t want to look today.”

“That’s perfectly fine.” Mr. Finley promised. “Ryland?”

“Uh, I’ll watch.” Ryland gave Simon’s hand a squeeze. 

Dr. Mackle directed Ryland to sit on the left side of the bed so he could hold Simon’s hand as Mr. Finley brought over the small curtain to block Simon’s view. 

Simon took Ryland’s hand and closed his eyes, trying to relax his upper body as Dr. Mackle got situated to do his exam. 

“We’re going to start with removing the bandages. If you need me to stop, just let me know.” Dr. Mackle began. 

Ryland leaned forward a little to get a better view. He had an almost morbid curiosity that wanted to see what had happened. And as the bandages were taken away, he couldn’t help but stare. 

He’s seen the general shape under the bandages since the surgery. He tried to avoid staring if Simon was awake so as to not make him uncomfortable, but he’d look at it while Simon slept and try to imagine what it looked like under the bandages and what the future held. 

Simon was focused on his breathing. Ryland could count the seconds in and seconds out like Simon would do after a panic attack, forcing himself to keep his breathing even. 

“Ok, we’re just going to move your shoulder around a little so we can see the stitches and assess the swelling.” Dr. Mackle reported gently. “Swelling is expected after the procedure.”

“Yeah.” Simon said quietly, not opening his eyes.

Ryland watched as Simon’s arm was maneuvered around and the two doctors looked over the stitches and swelling. Dr. Mackle was extremely careful and slow as he moved Simon’s arm around to look at it. 

Ryland had expected the entire stump of the arm to be red, irritated, and angry. But it wasn’t. The stitches were rough to look at, a little dried blood was stuck to the skin in the area. But Ryland hated how stitches looked on a normal day, he hated them even more now that they were on Simon’s body.

But his arm looked… normal, aside from the abrupt ending. It was still Simon’s skin, still his muscle, even if it was harder to see from the swelling. It was just Simon.

“Where I’m touching right now,” Dr. Mackle prompted. “How’s the feeling?”

“Tender.” Simon answered quietly. 

“What about here?” Dr. Mackle moved his hand elsewhere. 

Simon winced a little. “That hurt.”

“Sorry about that.” Dr. Mackle moved his hands away from that spot. “How does your skin feel? Any tightness or anything?”

“No.”

“No excessive redness or heat.” Dr. Mackle observed aloud, mostly for Ryland’s sake at this point. “Both good things.” 

“It looks good. There’s some bruising and swelling, but those things are to be expected.” Mr. Finley said easily as he took a step back. “The stitches are holding well. It’s everything we’re expecting to see at this point, so that’s a good check up.”

“Good.” Simon agreed, holding Ryland’s hand a little tighter. 

“Dr. Mackle will get you wrapped back up. We’re going to keep it bandaged and elevated for the next few days while you’re resting. We’ll do another assessment before we discharge you later this week.” 

“That’s good.” Ryland found his voice. “You did good, Simon.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you going to teach me how to wrap his arm up?” Ryland turned his attention to Dr. Mackle. “Is that something I need to know how to do?”

“No,” Dr. Mackle smiled at Ryland, he didn’t look bothered by the question, maybe a little amused. “You shouldn’t need to do that. We’ll do all bandage changes here at the hospital. We will go over all the care that you two will need to do before you travel home.”

“Ok.”

•••

Simon hadn’t realized just how foggy the morphine had made him over the past few days. But now that it had been gone for eight hours, he was much more alert. 

His neck and shoulder hadn’t hurt until a few hours ago. The pain in his arm was more pronounced now, it felt like his skin was being pulled tight. The phantom pain had graduated from just the numb asleep feeling to pins and needles. He had a headache which a nurse had given him something for but it only worked so much, he could still feel the pounding in his skull. 

Ryland had definitely noticed. He dimmed the lights whenever they were alone. He didn’t touch Simon without letting Simon be the one to initiate contact. He took a few phone calls outside of the room. And as hard as it was for him, he tried to be as quiet as possible when in the room. 

In his new state of what almost felt like hyper awareness after being drugged for surgery, Simon had begun to notice things. The one that annoyed him most is that Ryland had been wearing the same outfit every single time Simon had seen him over the past couple days. 

And as much as he wanted Ryland there, he also wanted Ryland to leave. He wanted space to grieve and process by himself. It had been one of the reasons to send Ryland on a coffee and tea run this morning. To give himself some space to sit with everything by himself. 

It was a familiar feeling, coming home from a month of work, being stuck in such close quarters with all his coworkers. He needed his own space. He needed Ryland to get out of the apartment and just let himself relax and switch into home-mode instead of work-mode.

“Ryland.” Simon said, voice sharper than he would have liked. “I noticed something.”

“Yeah?” Ryland looked up from his phone where he had been sitting on the couch-turned-bed. “What’s up?”

“You’re wearing the same clothes from Monday.” Simon observed dryly. 

“Well, I’ve been sleeping here and I didn’t really plan ahead for that.” Ryland shrugged. “I can run to the hotel and shower if you want. I can be back in like two hours?”

“Or you can spend the night at the hotel and sleep in a real bed.” Simon wanted to cross his arms, but settled for just resting his right arm over his stomach.

“I really don’t want to leave you here alone overnight.” Ryland looked back down at his phone so he didn’t have to see Simon’s expression.

“I’m the most coherent I’ve been since I got here.” Simon countered. “And it’s not like the nurses are just going to leave me alone since you’re not here.”

“Two hours.” 

“No, go sleep at the hotel.” 

“Simon.”

“Ryland.” Simon didn’t like how his voice raised. “I’m asking before I have a nurse throw you out.”

“Really? You’re going to throw me out?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not leaving you here alone.”

“I’m not alone!” Simon was on the verge of yelling, he barely kept it contained. “Someone comes in here every two hours to wake me up and poke me with something! I just want to be alone in our apartment with no one around me and just let work go so I can focus on being at home and being happy. But I can’t do that!”

Neither moved for a minute, they just stared at each other across the room. 

“Get out.” Simon tried to push down the bitterness in his words. He swallowed it before adding a quiet. “Please, Ry.”

•••

Ryland stood outside the hospital. People were coming and going but he could barely care. He leaned his head back as far as it would go, looked up at the overcast sky, and swore loudly. He repeated it a few times for good measure before gathering himself and starting down the street to the hotel. 

He didn't quite know where he was going so he pulled out his phone, connected his headphones and put in directions to the hotel. Once directions were in he called Colt.

“Hello?” Colt answered the phone on the third ring. “Ryland, everything ok?

“Simon kicked me out.” Ryland reported dryly. 

It took Colt a minute to respond, Ryland could hear him shuffling something around in the background.

“Yeah?” Colt sighed on the other end. “Ry, he’s probably overwhelmed and in pain and needs some space.”

“He yelled at me.”

“He had surgery, what? Two days ago?” Colt recalled. “They probably changed his pain medication by now, if I had to guess. I bet he’s not having a good time.”

Ryland paused, not wanting to let Colt be right about anything at that moment. “I’m his husband!”

“Ryland, I’m your brother. If you tried to sleep in my hospital room for even one night I would have thrown you out.” Colt laughed. “Dude, give him some space. Go get a drink at the bar and just take it easy the rest of the day, whatever time it is over there. I’m sure he’ll be feeling better in the morning and you two can make up.”

“I hate you.”

“That just means I’m right.” Ryland could hear his cocky grin over the phone. “You sound stressed, Ry. Take a breather and call Rocky, it’s like four in the morning here and I’ve got to be up and on set in two hours. You’ve rightfully been worried about Simon. That’s ok. But he’s on the mend now, so you can take a step back.”

“I’m calling Rocky.”

“Ok, you do that. Love you, Ryland.”

“Love you, bye Colt.” 

•••

Rocky answered the phone on the first ring despite being at work. He didn’t take Ryland’s bitterness with the same gentleness Colt had though. After listening to Ryland complain about being kicked out of the hospital room, Rocky had asked him the simple questions Ryland did not want to answer. What have you eaten today? How much water did you have to drink? How much did you sleep last night?

When Ryland protested answering those questions, Rocky hung up on him and texted back a minute later. 

So as he continued his walk to the hotel he called Adrain. He did the whole same thing again, explaining what he explained to Colt and Rocky. 

“And then your husband hung up. He texted me calling me dumb and telling me to take a walk and get food!” Ryland concluded his rant. 

“And what are you doing now?” Adrian asked politely. 

“Walking back to the hotel, there’s a couple pizza places right next to it so I’ll get pizza tonight. I have a plan, I’m getting food. I’m mad that you married a jerk.”

“That ‘jerk’ is your best friend.” Adrian laughed. “He’s blunt but he’s not wrong. I know you and Simon love each other, but sometimes he needs space to process things on his own. He’s been through a lot in life where he didn’t have much of a support system. So having you stay with him nearly twenty-four/seven is probably a lot.”

“I wasn’t doing anything, I was just on my phone being quiet. I don’t want him to be alone. He doesn’t have to be alone.”

“No, he doesn’t, but he wants to. It’s how he processes things.” Adrian corrected. “He’s not alone, you’re still there for him, you don’t have to be in the same small hospital room the entire time.”

Ryland kept quiet, he could hear Adrain typing away at their laptop as he walked into the hotel lobby and made it up to his room. He unlocked the door and groaned as he plopped down on the bed. 

“Do you need me to order your food for you or are you going to go get it?” Adrian asked. 

“I’ll go in a minute.” Ryland muttered. “Just give me a second.”

“You’re feeling it.” Adrian commented, they were still typing, not even pausing their work. “The feeling Simon was looking for, a little distance between you two. Room to breathe and process.” 

“I’m going to hang up on you.” Ryland threatened, eyes burning with tears.

“Ok, just make sure you get some food.”

“I won’t spend the night here again, unless you ask me to.” Ryland said as he stood next to Simon’s bed. He didn’t sit down just yet, wanting to make sure the air was clear first.

“I wasn’t mad at you.” Simon reached for Ryland’s hand as he spoke. “It was just a combination of everything piling up. You know it takes me some time to relax after I get back home after work. This was like that but much worse. I needed to be alone.”

“A combination of Colt, Adrian, and Rocky all told me that exact same thing.” Ryland sighed. “I called each of them last night to blow off some steam. Adrian would have made a great therapist by the way, they made me cry.”

“I mean that’s not hard.” Simon teased. “Its scary how insightful they can be sometimes, like how do they know certain things? Do they have cameras in our apartment?”

“Espically when I’m in another country and they can’t look at me.” Ryland shuttered. “Like, how do you know Adrian?”

They both shared a laugh at that. Adrian had some kind of sixth sense for things. It was a party trick or creepy depending on the day.

“Anyway, I’m sorry.” Ryland finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry too.” Simon gave his hand a squeeze. “I love you, Angel.”

“I love you too, Si.” Ryland took a breath before he settled down onto the bed, the same way he had been before the surgery, Simon’s arm wrapped around his waist and leaning into Simon’s uninjured shoulder. 

•••

“If I walk across the room by myself without help, will you get me burgers for lunch?” Simon asked as he sat on the edge of the bed. 

“Sure.” Ryland smiled as he crossed his arms. “And if you can't, then you can eat hospital food again.”

Simon glared at his husband. “You wouldn’t.”

“Come on, get walking.” Ryland clapped his hands together. “You got this, Si!”

The physical therapist was trying to stay professional, but Ryland could tell he was very amused. He hovered nearby as Simon carefully stood up from the bed. 

Simon’s hand stayed on the bed as he got used to being upright. He hadn’t walked without support since the accident happened. So it took a second for his legs to remember what they needed to do. He’s practiced walking the past two days. He knew what to do, he knew his balance was going to be off.

He was careful, each step he checked where his balance was and made tiny adjustments. He kept his stance wide and held his arm out as a counter balance. He’d look up to see how much further across the room he needed to go to reach Ryland who stood by the wall, then back at his feet to make sure his steps were the way he wanted. 

He took them one at a time until he was able to stand directly in front of Ryland. 

“Simon!” Ryland yelped as Simon wrapped his arm around Ryland’s neck and learned on him. Ryland’s arms shot around his waist to make sure Simon was stable. 

“I’m good,” Simon whispered as he pressed his head into Ryland’s chest. “I wanted a hug.”

Ryland gave him a squeeze. “You’re cheating.”

“No I’m not. Our deal didn’t say anything about stopping to hug my husband when I made it across the room.” Simon corrected him as he carefully pulled his arm back.

Ryland was trying to pretend to be mad, but he smiled and kept his arms around Simon’s waist until he was turned around and ready to walk in the other direction back to the bed. 

It was slow, Simon’s steps were careful, but he slowly made it back to the bed. He used his hand to steady himself as he sat down. 

“Very nice.” The physical therapist complimented. “We can stop there for right now and do some stretches for the rest of our time. This afternoon you can get out of bed and walk a little further. Then tomorrow we can go out into the hallway and have more space. How are you feeling, Simon?”

“I’m good. I’m over-thinking the balance.”

“That is going to take some time for you to adjust to.”

“I think I earned a burger.”

“I think you deserve it.” The physical therapist agreed, not looking up as he wrote down notes for their next sessions together. When he did look up he looked over at Ryland. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Fine.” Ryland shook his head. “I’ll get burgers for lunch. I’ll go get them when we’re done with physical and occupational therapy.”

•••

Ryland had excused himself in the middle of Simon’s occupational therapy to get started on getting lunch. Simon had been struggling to put on a shirt for nearly five minutes and had barely made progress. He kept looking over at Ryland uncomfortably as he fought to finish his one simple task.

Ryland could take a hint, especially after having his senses beat back into him the night before by the verbal humbling courtesy of his friends and brother.

Ryland had to call Ava for a ride to go get the burgers. There wasn’t a place within walking distance where the food wouldn’t be cold by the time he brought it back to the hospital. And she hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Simon since he’d been hospitalized so this was a chance if he was feeling up to it.

So the couple sat and ate their lunch while Ava gave them the run down on everything they needed to know about what had been happening in the background. 

It was a lot. A lot of paperwork that Ryland and Simon would hopefully never see. The company was doing a full investigation into what happened, there were insurance claims,  medical authorizations, travel arrangements, and so many other little things that made Ryland so glad Ava was here to protect them from. 

Simon was still employed, still getting paid, but he wasn’t going to be able to go back to his position as a saturation diver. Things had to be resolved on that front, a worker’s compensation claim had been opened in the background. 

Ava had all Simon’s personal belongings from the diving support vessel. She returned his phone in person and promised to drop everything else off at the hotel that night after Ryland left the hospital. 

“I know that’s probably too much information.” Ava concluded as she looked over her notes. “You two don’t need to worry about it, and if you have questions you both have my number.”

“Thanks, Ava.” Ryland looked like a deer in headlights after the dump of information.

“The key point is don’t sign a settlement without a lawyer looking at it.” Ava added. 

“Wasn’t planning on it.” Simon assured her. “Don’t want to put our finances at risk.”

Ryland tried to laugh at that. “Well you didn’t marry me for my money. That’s good.”

“Do you two have anything else you’d like to go over with me?” Ava asked as she closed her laptop and packed it up. “If I don’t have answers I will find them and get back to you.”

Simon sat quietly for a second before looking over to his left. He was holding Ryland’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “Do you remember talking about what we wanted to do with our bodies after death?” Simon asked quietly. “We talked about it before.”

“Yeah, I said I wanted to have my body donated to science, and you said you’d want to be buried under a tree.” Ryland recalled. “...is that what you want to do with your arm?”

Simon nodded his head quietly. “Yeah, I think so.” 

“Here or in the States?” Ava asked. 

“Would it be possible to do it in California?" Ryland asked. “I figured transporting it back home would be a huge issue.”

“Not at all, you just have to go through the correct channels.” Ava said easily. “I can get it sent to a mortician in San Francisco and they can help you do what you want from there.”

“I’d like to bury my arm in California." Simon said easily. “I don’t want to leave it here.”

“Consider it done.”

•••

“It’s good to see you up and moving.” Mr. Finley greeted as he stepped into the room while a nurse was helping Simon with his afternoon exercise. He was mostly steady on his feet, but since it was a further distance the nurse was holding his arm and teaching Ryland how to do so the two could walk alongside each other naturally. 

“It’s nice to be out of bed.” Simon agreed. 

“Do you want to go out into the hallway, Simon?” The nurse asked. “There’s more room to move around out there.”

“No, we can do that tomorrow.” Simon declined. 

“Of course. Ryland, do you want to take my place?”

“Sure!” Ryland easily swapped places with the nurse before starting on Simon’s next lap around the room.

“I was coming in to talk to you two about discharge.” Mr. Finley said as he watched them cross the room and slowly turn around to return. “Seeing you walking is a good sign. I hate to interrupt but would you like to sit down while we talk?”

“We were pretty much done for the day.” The nurse chimes in easily. “You can just sit on the edge of the bed while you chat if you’re not ready to fully lay back down.”

“Yeah, that’s good.” Simon agreed as walked over, having someone holding his arm really helped with his balance, his steps were much more certain than in the morning.

Mr. Finley pulled up one of the stools as Simon sat down on the edge of the bed and Ryland joined him.

“I think you will be ready to be discharged from the hospital tomorrow afternoon, we’ll change your bandages in the morning and you’ll meet with the occupational and physical therapist, and then we can start the process after lunch.” Mr. Finley explained easily. “You would still need to come in for outpatient care, but you’d be able to get out of the hospital. Do you have any concerns about getting discharged tomorrow?”

“I thought I was getting discharged Saturday.”

“That was our initial plan, yes, but you’re recovered well and your care team agrees you can leave a day earlier. Getting discharged is not the end of your care with us. We would like you to stay in Aberdeen another week minimum and keep working with your care team that we’ve established here.”

“Are you ready for that, Si? You can say no.”

“I think I’m ready, I’m just… not comfortable with being seen like this.” Simon muttered as he looked over at his left side. “I’m still not comfortable looking at it unbandaged and I don’t want to be stared at.”

“That is something we can work on.” Mr. Finley assured him. “You can drape a coat over your shoulders and not put either arm through. That will give your coverage while not irritating your arm, it’s probably the easiest to start with. Gaining confidence is going to be a process.”

“Right.” Simon agreed. 

“Your records show that you are already seeing a therapist back home. I think that’s a good place to start. You already have an established relationship with them. There are specialists out there who can help with limb-loss and body image. It’s not something you need to go home and find right away, but if you want to get more help in that specific area, your existing therapist will probably be the best person to help you find more specialized help.”

“So I’ll need a second therapist. I’m that messed up?”

“Simon!” Ryland squawked. 

“I’m joking.” Simon patted Ryland’s leg. “I heard the man.”

“I know you’re joking, but it’s ok to need additional help. This is a major life adjustment. As you probably know, therapy isn’t a fast process, it’s going to take time and energy to get to a place where you’re comfortable with everything that’s happened recently.”

“Yeah, I think I’m good with being discharged tomorrow.”