Archive of Our Own

Off season, first week of the summer.

Cens 4Eva

LP

I’ve got good news for the team

Boyle

I don’t wanna be a grandpa yet

Dykstra

Aren’t your kids a bit young to be pregnant ?

Captain

Maybe you really have taken too many hits to the head mr dick

Dykstra

That’s not nice

Captain

I’m not nice

Bood

What’s the news LP ?

LP

I think I have found the love of my life

LP

[1 photo attached : it is a selfie. LP is smiling brightly, in the background you can see two things, a ginormous television that fills almost the whole wall and Young’s naked lower body half as he is exiting another room with his third leg.]

Hayz

Oh my god

Haasy

Hello ?

Haasy

Why are we all looking at young’s balls ?

Bergy

Dont forget the dick

Bergy

You really can’t forget the dick

LP

Oh

Captain

Wow

Hayz

Its so big

Young

What

Young

lp wtf

Young

No no no u stupid mf

Captain

Be nice young

Captain

Now you earned respect from whole team

Bood

I feel like that’s to be respected yes

Chewy

Damn !! even bood agrees

Dykstra

I got a question

Boyle

I got one too

Hollz

What is going on ??

Captain

Don’t look my beloved

Captain

Its not bigger than mine

Hollz

I'm not scrolling up

Dykstra

Young can you ever penetrate someone with this ?

Chewy

Thats a good one, i wonder too

Young

This is literally the worst day of my life

Young

I hate you lp

Dykstra

Why are you not answering the question??

Young

Please stop

Boyle

Also why are you naked ??

Young

Its my house?!!

Captain

That you share with all rookies

Captain

What if you traumatized luca again ?

Haasy

I wasn’t traumatized

Captain

You were and is ok, you can admit it

Haasy

I couldnt fit it in my mouth

Bergy

I could

Hayz

Why are you guys having so much fun in the rooks house

Chewy

Thats unfair

Hollz

This is very TMI

Bood

I agree. Please for the love of god, stop !!

Dykstra

At least i’ve seen young’s dick and now i can rest in peace

Chewy

Die ??

Dykstra

Wtf man you’re so mean

Chewy

Rest in peace means to die stupid fucker

Young

Lp why are you so quiet ?? is it bc u feel the guilt creeping up on u ???????????????

LP

Sry i was taking a shit

Young

I’m gonna fuck u up

Captain

HEY

Captain

Be nice!

Hollz

Who is the admin of the group ? I can’t delete the picture

Hayz

It’s me

Hollz

Why are you the admin of the group ?

Hayz

Bc I stole bood’s phone a month ago to be admin

Hayz

Isnt that funny

Hollz

Wyatt Hayes.

Hayz

No

Hollz

Have you ever sat your butt on a bench without getting up from it once a whole season ?

Hayz

And you are now admin too sir Shane Hollander !

Hollz

Thanks Hayz! :)

Captain

Nobody looks

Chewy

Im so horny

Boyle

That was kinda hot i gotta admit it

Barrett

What the fuck happened in here ?

Second week-end of the season.

Bergy

I need advice from real adults

Hollz

You are an adult Anton

Bergy

Please do not use my first name

LP

Yeah dad thats not nice, he’s gon have cardiac arrest

LP

And die

Young

wtf

Hollz

Ok.

Young

That’s intimidating

Bood

What are we advising you on berg ?

Bergy

Um

LP

Lmaooooooo

Bood

What ?

Young

I can bet he forgot

Dykstra

Hi guys

Dykstra

What are we doing ?

Chewy

Shut up dick bergy has a question for adults

Chewy

Go back to bed its naptime

Dykstra

Im an adult, i have a beautiful wife and a perfect kid

Chewy

Your kid is more advanced in life than you

Barrett

That’s so sad

Captain

Because is true

Hollz

Ilya

Captain

I have not said a thing

Haasy

So are we going to read berg’s question sometime soon ?

Captain

Very good at following conversations haasy, this is why you are my favourite

Bergy

It appears

Young

Oh god

Bergy

I might have

Bood

I thought the younglins were faster than this

LP

Younglins ????? ok grandpa

Bergy

Forgotten the question

Haasy

Is it about our washing machine currently leaking ?

Bergy

OMG YES !!!

Bergy

Thanks haasy !!!

Haasy

You’re welcome ig

Bood

What do you mean your washing machine is leaking ?

Bergy

Yes it is, like me after l drink lots

Hollz

That’s disgusting

Captain

Don’t be crass in front of my husband

Young

Lmao “crass”

Hayz

Im down your building berg

Boyle

What the hell ?

Hayz

Young sent me a text an hour ago about the washing machine

Captain

Why is he texting you ??

Hayz

Because i live 10 minutes away and im a real adult

Chewy

Idk if real adults have a room full of DC stuff

Chewy

And a robert pattinson batman cutout

Hayz

I don’t want to talk about it

LP

Robert pattinson is hot

Haasy

I had a crush on him in twilight

Young

Was it bc of the glitter ?

Haasy

I think so

Chewy

Ok i get it

Dykstra

I don’t ?

Boyle

Maybe that’s the limit to your bi curiosity evan

Dykstra

Well that’s sad for me

Boyle

I wouldn’t go for pattinson either

Chewy

I thought there was only daniela in your heart anyway

Young

I think boyle would like rodrigo santoro

Young

Same vibe as his wife

Chewy

I feel like its racist to say they got the same vibe just bc they’re both brazilians

Hollz

I like cillian murphy

Captain

Please don’t talk about murphy

Boyle

Do we have beef with murphy ? i like his acting

Captain

My husband loves him too much

Captain

He bought poster and put it in our office’s wall

Hollz

Shut up, it’s my wall

Bood

What do you have on your wall roz ?

Captain

Edit of scott hunter using cane and having white hair

Chewy

LOLLL

Chewy

Good one

Hollz

He’s not joking

Hollz

[1 photo attached : the picture is of a white wall, you can see the top of a desk. The wall has various photos and posters but in the middle of everything is a collage of Scott Hunter’s admirals poster, he has a grandma floral shirt, a cane, there is also broken bone draw on his hips and he has white paint as hair.]

Bergy

That’s really artistic cap!

Bergy

Could you do one for bood boss ?

Captain

HAHAHAA very funny bergy, i will make one for you yes

Bood

Please don’t

Bood

Or no bbq

Hollz

He just printed a picture of you

Hollz

Sorry, he actually didn’t print it, he has a whole stash of our posters apparently

Captain

I have the most of my shane and the least of chewy

Chewy

WHY

Dykstra

Because you’re ugly

Captain

Dykstra i have the same number of posters, 2 of chewy, 2 of evan

Chewy

LOLL FUCK YOU DICK

Dykstra

Ima shut your mama up

Boyle

I understand why boods always tired

WAGs friday night, during the off season.

OttaWAGHs

Cassie Bood

Ok girls and gays, I have the wine

Cassie Bood

A whole crate to be honest

Caitlin D

Damn girl, it’s gonna be nastyyyy

Selena C

How do you tell your husband he can’t feed our kids potato chips and ice cream for dinner

Lisa H

Why can’t he ?

Lisa H

Also i’ve got charcuterie

Shane H

I feel like the doctor in paediatrics should know it’s not really healthy to feed only carbs and sugar to your kids for dinner ?

Lisa H

Oh sweet hockey waghs of mine, you might not turn off your hockey brain off ice but i do turn off my doctor brain off shift

Harris (Troy’s)

Girls i wish i was with you all

Selena C

I wish i had a competent husband

Caitlin D

At least he’s good in bed

Cassie Bood

We’re gonna miss u harris

Daniela B

I have got the tequila

Selena C

Are we really doing the tequila

Daniela B

Im gonna miss harris but it’s ok we got the other gay of waghs

Shane H

Oh my god Daniela

Daniela B

We have to have tequila or is not wine night

Cassie Bood

It’s literally called wine night baby

Daniela B

Should be called tequila and wine night

Caitlin D

I agree

Selena C

Do u guys know how i could convince the FATHER OF MY CHILDREN not to feed our children crap

Shane H

Tell him if he does that you’ll do something he loves

Shane H

I usually tell ilya i’m gonna masturbate in front of him

Selena C

Wait that’s a good one

Selena C

Be right back

Cassie Bood

To be fair, i do that with Zane too and it works like a charm

Cassie Bood

Milo and Zane are at my parents tho so we’re good, he ain’t gonna try feeding him ribeye

Caitlin D

Susie is already in bed with Evan, they fell asleep in our bed watching bluey

Caitlin D

I wish we had sex before i leave because he is very sexy watching cartoons with our daughter

Harris Troy’s

Evan watches bluey with susie ?

Caitlin D

He LOVES it

Cassie Bood

Are we skipping the sex part ?

Caitlin D

I don’t even know who watches it more

Cassie Bood

I guess we are

Lisa H

Ok first off what the heck is a bluey, second, I see way too many children at work i’m so happy I got my tubes tied

Shane H

You got your tubes tied ?

Lisa H

Yes. Could have gone without but we still want children in the future and i believe the doc said we could untie them

Lisa H

Im not sure and i don’t care, i got way too much work

Daniela B

Im in front of your door Cassie

Cassie Bood

Girl i saw you through the windows and almost shat my pants

Daniela B

I know, you jumped very high

Daniela B

Can you open the door now ?

Selena C

I’m getting shane and we’re coming !!

Caitlin D

I wish i was coming

Selena C

Arent you ?

Caitlin D

Evan’s asleep and with our daughter ://

Lisa H

LMAOOOOOOOOO

Harris Troy’s

Oh my god caitlin please

Caitlin D

Not the guy i was hoping would beg before wine night but it will have to do

Lisa H

Im driving Cait pls hold your horniness

Caitlin D

Can’t let it out anyway

Same night, different groupchat

Stay hooked on the rooks

Hayz

the guys r meeting up at roz’

LP

I think he’s still mad at me for showing young’s dick to the gc

Young

hes not the onyl one dot dot dot

Bergy

why didnt u put the dots directly?

Young

emphasis

Hayz

big word u got there

Haasy

guys i think the evening at cap’s was a trap

Hayz

YOURE THERE ????!!

Bergy

u went too early haasy

Haasy

theyre all around the grill watching bood and roz handle the meat

Haasy

they’re not even talking guys

LP

u brought this upon urself

Hayz

Thats why i said i had to put out laundry before i came

Haasy

I was home alone what was i supposed to do ??!

LP

Ooohh that’s what we forgot

Haasy

Did u forget ME ????

Haasy

Where are you?????

Young

At mcdonalds

Bergy

I got u an happy meal even tho u werent here

Haasy

but we’re eating w the others ???

Young

Thats not enough bro

LP

We’re hockey players my dude

Haasy

There is food to feed three teams of hockey players here

Bergy

I need food for four teams

Hayz

I dont even know what to say

Hayz

Thats actually smart kids

Young

stfu hayes ur only a year older than me

Haasy

Wow

LP

that must have been one hell of ego boost right hayz

Hayz

Young thank you so much

Hayz

But im five years older than u

Young

DAMN

Young

Where’s your walker

Bergy

LMAOOOOO

Three weeks before the start of the season.

Cens 4Eva

Bood

[twitter link]

Captain

Oh

Captain

Ok guys love is love but can you tone it down ?

Bergy

Isnt that homophobic to say???

LP

Idk man i think its justified

Haasy

Oh my god

Boyle

Did you guys have fun ? i heard the fireworks were big BIG

Young

Ooohh that’s a good picture im gonna thank them

Bood

Please do not do that young

Bood

Alexander Young

Hayz

I think he’s gone

Hollz

What the hell

Bergy

We established that was an homophobic reaction hollander

Hollz

I’m not being homophobic

Chewy

Oh my god

Chewy

Such cutie pies experiencing gay love

LP

I watched the first ever experience of gay love they had together once

Hollz

We know LaPointe

Hollz

You showed me the video

Haasy

Oh my god

Haasy

No

Haasy

Shane Hollander has seen me deepthroating my teammate

Boyle

Yeah no don’t say it like that

Captain

I’ve seen the video too and it wasn’t deepthroating

Chewy

I don’t think anyone can deepthroat young

Dykstra

I could

Dykstra

Why are we deepthroating young ?

Bood

Young and haas are kissing online

Dykstra

Why aren’t they kissing in real life?

Chewy

Ffs

Young

Done

Boyle

Done what ??

Bood

Please young tell me you didn’t thank the girl

Young

I won’t tell but i can show

Haasy

Oh myg od

Captain

My child is having a stroke

Young

[twitter link]

Hollz

…

Bood

Ok.

Chewy

I don’t really know what to say

Dykstra

That’s a lot of words to reply to someone young

Young

I got carried away, haasy is still on the floor

Bergy

I’m flabbergasted

Captain

Wtf is this word

Hollz

Very very shocked

LP

Damn berg u educated

Bergy

I went to school

LP

Ok no need to brag

Bood

Is luca ok ???

Young

He’s breathing

Young

The girl is here !!

Young

Oh she’s helping luca up

Young

Aw she wants to delete her tweet

Bood

She should

Young

She is making luca drink water

Young

She’s so nice !!

Chewy

Maybe you should have done all of that ??

Young

Shes doing it well enough

Barrett

This is a mess

Barrett

How did you even pull haasy ?

Captain

Isnt it past your bedtime troy?

Barrett

I was in bed but harris woke me up DISSTRESSED

Dykstra

Aw gay love

Chewy

?????

Young

We’re all good guys, i have luca haas in my arms

Young

[1 photo attached : there are three people in the picture, Young is holding the phone, Haas is slumped on his left but has a smile on and a girl, probably the tweet girl, is smiling brightly with a peace sign.]

Hollz

She’s adorable

Captain

Beware of kidnappers

Bood

I’m going back to my wife and Milo, goodnight

Young

Can someone get us ?? we took the bus here but there are no more bus

Chewy

Goodnight

Dykstra

Goodnight y’all

Captain

I turned my husband’s phone off, no car available

LP

Sorry i’m in a tunnel i cant see those text messages

Bergy

Same

Boyle

I’m asleep actually

Hayz

…

Hayz

Alright I got it

Hayz

You’re lucky Lisa’s on rotation

Young

THANK YOU

Haasy

Thank you Wyatt, i’m so sorry

Hayz

Omg ur so cute, i’m on my way

Hayz

See you in 2 hours

Young

WAHT