Chapter Text
First thing 4C realises after emerging from the sewers into the war ridden ruins of his home is that despite the war taking many people from Blue Kingdom, it’s loud. People are happily chattering by the bridge, that’s Nom, talking about rebuilding and growing bigger, stronger. Second thing he realises that the people (loud, lovely, bright) are much more prone to… physical affection than what the rogue is used to.
Most of them seem to decide that 4C (not as lovely or bright- more of an annoying pest or a good for nothing thief) is fun to be around and therefore will stick to his side at any chance they get. Many examples of this are as follows:
He scopes the sewers leading to Red Kingdom with Mae following behind him closely, a hand loosely gripping his cloak.
He gets pulled into a side hug by Nom, which he responds with slipping his slimy hands into his best friend’s pockets for any gold the knight might have in there.
Shan greets him with songs and links their arms together as she whispers about pranks they can pull, she’s got the mischievous spark in her eye that if not for the water magic at her fingertips, would make one think she’s a rogue.
Scott is pleasant as he is uncertain, a slightly hesitant but calm presence whenever 4C can catch him by his greenhouse. They talk for hours, Scott puts a hand on his shoulder for support and 4C brings him flowers in return and it’s good. It’s good.
Sure, he feels the spike of uncomfort every time Mae closes her hands around his cloak, can’t help the prickling under his skin when Nom squeezes his arm a bit too tight, or when- He distantly acknowledges that it’s not normal. He watches Nom and Katie slam their shields into each other and hug it out after like it’s breathing for them. That should be normal, he thinks. But then again, he left his normal when he left his swamp, his home behind. His home, where such antics would get him distasteful stares at best and a knife to his back at worst. Everyone there knows- knew a thief is to not be trusted, awake or asleep, smiling or crying, under sunny day or pouring rain.
In conclusion, 4C the slime isn’t the best with casual shows of affection his kingdom members throw at him. He’s not the best at receiving and far from good at reciprocating it. It doesn’t matter though, in his field of work, he needs to trust little and let even fewer step in his personal space. It’s simply how he operates, how he survives. It’s not a problem at all.
Until it is.
-=---=---=---=-
With minimal amounts of getting kidnapped by God (typical Thursday, am I right?), 3 pairs of hands and a few sleepless nights, Rue Bar is finally open for business. 4C is especially proud to have built it in no man’s land where everyone can come and enjoy a night of farkle, karaoke, and the best part: Monarch assigned drinks. And of course, their little bartender Rue themself!
He likes to think that business is doing well, people are curious about the new place in neutral grounds, they also love farkle and drinking and its adorable little bartender. Everything is going smoothly and maybe that’s why he finds himself in this situation:
4C, Katie and Mae at the Rue Bar- He knows that Cherri, Apo and Nom are farkling in the backroom and he thinks he saw a flash of Kitty’s scarf on the upper floor. Katie and 4C singing not at the same time and very out of tune while Mae drunkenly cheers them on from the booths. Katie has a casual arm around 4C’s shoulders which he doesn't mind.
Still as subtly as possible, he slides out of Katie’s grasp with a small step to the side. It’s nothing out of the ordinary of course, everyone knows 4C doesn’t like being too close to people. If anyone is bothered by it, no one speaks up or even bats an eye at it. Good. Which is good.
The song ends, mistimed and out of tune, and Mae cheers them like it was the best performance of her life. She gets up to walk over to the stage to drape herself on Katie’s back, Me next!, and as 4C is about to step off the stage to grab himself a glass of shantini, Should we do Pink Pony Inn this time?, Katie pats him on the back gently.
Suddenly he wishes the prickling under his skin would go away, he wishes it was easy. He can’t help but think he’s missed the memo when it comes to physical touch when everyone around him seem to welcome it effortlessly.
He wordlessly goes to grab himself a shantini and smiles through the buzz in the back of his mind that cruelly suggests he’s missed a critical trait of being a person.
-=---=---=---=-
Jesters leave (More like they get banished into the dungeon where their cruel laughter will never be heard again but who's keeping track?) and 4C still feels slightly shaky at every step he takes. Stubbornly, the images of his Queen looking down at him through the bars of his cage still linger in the corners of his mind.
It was supposed to be a joyous day. Especially with jesters coming in, 4C wouldn’t have to meaninglessly jest for monarchs anymore! But one explosion led to another, then one joke led to jail and he hasn’t done anything to deserve this-
“This is your way to recover your debt to the kingdom.”
He pulls his cloak a bit closer, he needs to meet up with Shan and Nom at Rue Bar to farkle, he needs to fix up the knight's barracks, he needs to be more helpful to the kingdom- that's when he stumbles upon Mae.
Mae who's thrown herself in front of him, brave Mae who screamed at the Queen so she'd let him go, kind Mae who could have fled but still stayed with 4C, held his clammy hands until he was free. Kind and brave and everything 4C is not, now standing in front of him with her hood pulled down her face so far that he can't even see where she's looking.
Maybe it's her rigid shoulders, or maybe it's the slight tremor in her hands that makes him realise that Maybe being kind and brave doesn't come easily to her either.
Once she’s aware of 4C’s presence, she retreats back to her house with small steps and even smaller voice. A moment of hesitation leads him to her doorstep, unsure of where he should stand, what he should say, how to be helpful.
Mae says everything is alright in that quiet, way too quiet voice. His heart breaks when she lifts her head up for a moment and realises that she’d been crying.
“I’ve stepped out of line today,” she mutters at the floorboards. “Perhaps it is better that I am not seen.”
“No, please don’t hide,” he pleads, “you’ve provided so much for everyone.” But it doesn’t work, her eyes are still unfocused and he’s really not good at this, so in an attempt for comfort, he grabs her hand to lend the same support she gave him at the jail.
A moment passes, Mae exhales loud and long. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but he’s doing this all wrong because Mae slips from his feather light grasp and she goes to one of her barrels upstairs and- Puts something shiny out of her pocket into the barrel.
She drops down in front of him, light of the campfire making her determined eyes look even brighter, “Just putting away something that can no longer be used against you.”
And he... doesn’t know what to do with that information. He stores it away in the corner of his mind and instead, shares his food with Mae and offers her an invitation to farkle at the Rue Bar. A look on Mae’s face says she won’t take him up on that offer but is still grateful for it.
Once 4C is sure he’s expressed his gratitude enough and that she won’t do something drastic like retreat back into shadows when she so clearly doesn’t belong in there, he makes his way out. Then turns around. Opens the door. His concern must show on his face that Mae gives him a look. Closes the door. But what if- Opens it back again, just to be sure. And this time, Mae laughs lightly at his antics, a fragile sound. I'm fine 4C, and his knees wobble under the weight of his own relief before he collects himself enough to make his way to the Rue Bar.
-=---=---=---=-
“Lady Katie, do you swear to stand by your oath, to serve and protect under any circumstances?”
“I swear it.”
“Very good! Let the celebrations begin, go play bubble outside or something.”
4C has never understood the point of an oath. From what he’s seen, oaths only bring complications, weigh heavy on someone’s shoulders, mainly burdensome to the knight closest to him. 4C sees oaths as an unrealistic moral compass at best. But just as mages need their wits and rogues need their lies, just as 4C needs his cloak, knights need their oaths. And so on a sunny afternoon, he watches Katie the Brave kneel in front of Princess Cherri as she swears to protect and serve her kingdom.
After the ceremony, he knows that Nom and Katie had a talk by the bridge. Their talks suggest concern on a normal day and panic on a worse day. 4C is trying to understand which one it is when Nom speaks of how proud he is of Katie. A new kind of talk, then. Nom clearly doesn’t want Katie to walk in his steps when it comes to protecting her oath and he seems slightly nervous for his sister but his posture stays relaxed in a way 4C doesn’t see in him often.
There was once a time when the mention of Katie was enough to give Nom a pained look on his face. A time when all Nom wanted was his sister back, no matter the cost. Only he knows of the tears Nom has shed in the safety of his room, wondering where he’d gone wrong to have his sister abandon him like that. 4C has a feeling that they still haven’t put that time behind them but he’s hopeful that they are walking away from it, no matter how slow.
They joke and laugh and it’s not perfect but Nom looks content and 4C, overwhelmed with emotion in his heart with how far his siblings have come, (Proud. He is proud) reaches out to wrap his arms around his brother. To his credit, Nom only startles for a moment before reaching out to squeeze 4C’s smaller frame back and ruffle his hair roughly.
“Someone’s in a good mood today?” he sing-songs, clear evidence of his equally good mood. 4C can hear his grin from where he has his face tucked under Nom’s chin. “We should hold more knighting ceremonies in the kingdom if they make you so happy.”
4C the slime can count the times he’s been hugged on the fingers of one hand and he quickly decides he quite likes Nom’s hugs. He hugs 4C with force, his long cape encases them both and chestplate makes it hard to see the outside world. He hugs 4C as if he’s trying to protect him from the world. Worries of any evil king or malicious bounty hunters feel far away when he’s with Nom. He distantly hopes- wishes that he can get used to this one day.
Before the comforting touch can become too much, 4C pulls away so Nom can see him pull a playfully sour face, “Nah, I’d rather not eat Sausage’s poisoned bread anymore.”
Nom’s joyous laughter echoes in the forest around them and 4C feels lighter than he’s been in weeks.
-=---=---=---=-
Back up. Crouch. Run. Jump. Land. Run. Jump. Miss. Clutch the bedrock with dripping hands. Slide. Fall. Laughter.
6 hours.
Second chance. Pickpocket. Final say.
“The lesson I wanted to teach you-”
Pieces of his soul, gone. Stolen.
“You will be wise to pay no mind to it.”
Nether roof extends as far as the eye can see. 4C’s gaze stays fixated on the horizon.
“I hope we won’t meet again.”
Bottom of the ocean is freezing and deep.
And 4CVIT doesn’t move for a long time.
-=---=---=---=-
By the time Apo and Cherri find him, he’d already dragged his heavy body up to the shore, heaving and panting. As he starts his very slow walk back home, he hears the princess and her knight yell after him with cheerful expressions. He doesn’t have the energy to return their jokes so he doesn’t, instead pulling his wet cloak tighter around his frame.
They walk side by side towards Blue Kingdom, and he finds that it’s slightly harder to walk when you feel disconnected from the ground under your feet. Every time he stumbles on a tree branch or his legs wobble dangerously, Apo and Cherri are there holding him up in an instant. They keep chattering about random things (“I miss eating ice cream.” “What about the arena 4C, you love the arena!”) as if being a warm presence for 4C in his lowest and holding him upright is a casual Sunday activity for them.
Maybe on another day he would be able to further appreciate their heart-warming efforts but after having spent hours in hell with a god who was meant to protect him- I know how they truly feel about you, the hovering hands and the carefully crafted cheerful voices only worsens the nauseous feeling in his stomach.
Soon, not soon enough, they arrive at Blue Kingdom where Mae, thank goodness it’s Mae, is waiting for them. Sunlight reflects off her crown as she stands in the middle of her kingdom’s entrance. Not so subtly, she puts herself between her best friend and the well-meaning but unhelpful Red Kingdom residents. She gives him space to walk on his own and starts up easy conversation, something 4C is immensely grateful about.
He lets himself be led to the castle he helped build and chase away the ghost of any gods that might be watching over him.
-=---=---=---=-
He regains some sense of normalcy as Mae walks him through the castle, but as everything that’s fragile as glass is destined to break with the slightest push, 4C finds his mind back under the ocean with one single comment.
“What do you mean this morning? You haven’t been here for a while.”
4C isn’t sure he registers much after that, he knows Mae is talking to him, he knows she’d not unkindly sent the Red Kingdom members away. He knows she follows after him, hovering close as she asks if everything is alright.
He’s not sure how to explain to her that he feels like he’s walking against the waves, that his head feels like cotton. He lost everything. His memories, his soul, his spirit, all in shambles. He doesn’t even know how long it’s been since he’s been stuck alone in hell with a cruel voice in his head. The fragile trust he’s managed to build up with his friends is dwindling down to nothing once again. God said they can see into everyone’s minds and 4C doesn’t know if it’s a cruel lie or merciful truth. He doesn’t want to know.
His drawn out silence seems to worry Mae even more and he can’t help but distantly wonder if he can even bounce back up from this.
Instead, what ends up coming out of his mouth is a tired little, Just going for a walk, he continues to walk amongst the non-existent currents.
Around the water in his head he hears Mae extending him an invite to help with building the mine entrance. He thinks she leaves after that because the next moment, he’s opening Rue Bar’s door for a little Rue to walk into his legs. The motion startles him enough to lift his head above the water a bit and he gives a tired smile as Rue excitedly runs in circles around 4C. He envies them really, they have the same routine day by day, open the same chests and serve the same people every day and yet they never complain or get tired. Still feeling like a ghost wandering around, he gives Rue a gentle pat on their copper little head.
Leaving Rue back to their own devices, he bounces up to the upper floor and sits by the open window. Kingdoms in the distance are more or less the same as he’d left. The merchant boat is the same, Squirmy swimming in the river is the same, even the thin layer of dust that’s settled on the bar’s tables is the same. Perhaps it’s 4C who’s changed, who thinks the world’s tilted sideways, who expects things to be different to match his headspace.
Time is hard to keep track on when he’s sat watching the horizon as twinkling stars replace the setting sun. At some point, he hears the bar door open. Whoever’s walking is incredibly bad at sneaking as their heavy armour cling clangs against the wooden floor with steps he recognizes as Katie’s. He’s grateful for the noise because he doesn’t think he has any will left in him to be on guard anymore.
Wordlessly, Katie makes herself comfortable next to him, gaze fixated on the sky. He lets himself observe the dark circles under the knight’s eyes and wonder for a moment what she might be losing sleep over.
“Apo and Cherri told me you weren’t doing too good,” she asks with eyes that unsettlingly resemble Nom’s. “Want to talk about it?”
Keeping his gaze fixed on the merchant’s boat ahead, sinking and floating against the waves in a way that has 4C transfixed, he shakes his head. Katie doesn’t sound discouraged by this, she’d probably been expecting it, and she pulls something out of her satchel.
She guides a single flower into his hands, an allium that grows neither in Blue nor Red kingdom, and clasps her own gloved hands around his. “I don’t know what you’ve been through the past two weeks but I only hope you can bounce back from it.”
In that moment, he wonders when the last time he’s ever cried was. 4CVIT, who hasn’t cried when his home was trampled by Blue Kingdom knights, who did not cry when he was jailed, has not shed a single tear as he left his only home with the promise of safety in a new place. Who, now sits in the closest place he can call a home with tears in his eyes. He won’t let them fall of course. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t let himself cry in front of his sister. Something about a reputation, maybe. Maybe it’s that he can still feel the Rogue God’s cold and heavy gaze watching his every move.
“And if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here.” She gives his hands one last squeeze and lets them drop. All 4C can do is sit there and thank her in a voice that sounds like gravel.
“No need to thank me!” she announces loudly and gets up with only the energy that Katie herself can possess, “I am merely being a good friend. Eth.”
Her silly antics startle a laugh out of 4C, “Ah yes, of course-th. I appreciate you-eth.”
“Very well! I must be off-eth, I need to sleep-eth.” She gestures widely and bows dramatically before simply dropping down from the windowsill. 4C thinks he’s heard a crack with her landing but he’s sure it’s nothing to worry about. Probably.
Holding the allium in his hand- a fragile little thing, he’s gonna need to ask Scott to put a spell on it so it never wilts- he gets up from where he’s perched and starts his walk back home. Slowly, very slowly, 4C starts to feel less like a puppet on strings and more like himself.
-=---=---=---=-
His feet lead him to the mine entrance, where Mae said she’d need his help with. His rogue abilities might have been stripped away from him but building is something he can still be helpful in. As long as he’s helpful, he thinks desperately as he approaches Mae, he has a place in Blue.
Once she’s aware of 4C’s presence, her face lights up and she jumps down from the platform she’d been building on with a warm “I missed you so much!” and starts telling him about the new builds she’s been conjuring in his absence. He feels a surge of pride for his friend and compliments her just so. Mae lights up even more, she’s been happier these days, and asks him what he’s been up to.
“Have you ever heard back from God, I know Farkle Friday was today. What did they say?”
You can’t die in Hell, 4C. “They didn’t say that much.”
“Okay…” Mae starts, “Did they- did they do anything?” she steps closer to 4C, concerned. “Is your soul still there?”
He gives a shaky smile, “Some of it.” The sun is rising behind Mae, he turns away from it and mutters, “They took parts of it.”
With the rising sun, he watches shadows settle on Mae’s face, her eyes glinting dangerously. She reaches out to steady 4C with hands on his shoulders- he realises with a start that he’d been shivering. For how long…? “Do I need to kill God for you?”
He can’t help the laugh that startles out of him because- killing God? What a thought! He imagines Mae clutching her diamond sword, yelling angrily at the sky, standing on a platform of endless bedrock- he quickly stops laughing. Best not entertain that thought any further. His soul is gone anyways, it wouldn’t do anything to help.
Mae’s hands drop from his shoulders to hold his hands, “Was it- were you scared?” she asks in a gentle tone one would use to calm down a scared child. It’s also the tone she uses every time 4C is distressed.
“No,” he lies, “It was just…” It was bad, hellish in every way possible. “A lot of blocks, and farkle. And you’d think I’d enjoy it, you know I love jumping around and farkling!” Mae nods in encouragement. “But every step forward was two steps back.”
He slips out of his friend’s hold, preparing himself to speak the unpleasant truth. “I can’t steal things anymore, Mae.” He can’t be useful to the kingdom anymore, not like he used to be. “I can’t use my sword either.” He looks down in shame, remembers how he lost them because of his own distrust or how he traded them for a couple fish.
“We’ll get it back.” Mae says with so much sureness in her voice that it startles 4C, “We’ll- I will make sure you get it back.”
It is true that being a rogue is a skill that a person can improve on. 4C wasn’t this good at holding a sword when he first started, though his pickpocketing still wasn’t any better than when he was 16. His skills only grew over his time on Blue kingdom. The rogue’s den is a solid proof of that, but-
“How long would that take?” 4C wrings his hands. Hope, a dangerous weight in his chest.
“It does not matter. We will do it.” Mae says, like it’s so easy, like it’s a knowledge as common as Sun sets from west, or Soil is wet in swamplands. She sounds so sure, so confident and 4C desperately wishes to soak up in her confidence. “And you will have the entire kingdom for help.”
He keeps his gaze fixed on Mae’s boots, which are becoming blurrier as time goes on. He does his best to blink the tears away, as Mae asks if he can still bounce. One thing that God hasn’t managed to take away from him. One thing he’s as sure of as he is of being a slime. He feels hysterical as he demonstrates on the nearest tree that he can, he can still bounce.
“Good! That’s good. And if it helps you be safer, I will use my newfound queen-powers to cause as many problems as possible to any of the people in this world who hurt you, even God.”
Foolishly, hilariously, Mae thinks she can protect 4C next time a god comes down to take him away as she wraps her own cloak around the slime, holding him tight as if she can somehow squeeze his melting figure back into something more human and real. Even more foolishly, through tears and shaking hands, 4CVIT believes her.
-=---=---=---=-
And so, with a newfound strength he’s taken from his friends, he spends the next few days simply having fun. Farkle Friday resumes upon 4C’s return and Katie’s insistence. A demon descends upon the Red kingdom which neither 4C nor Mae know anything about. Its name is Frarry, and it likes berries. Did he mention he had nothing to do with it? Circus act comes with laughter and departs with flowers and applause. A night market arrives in south beaches where he gambles everything he has, which is not much- but earns some of it back with an amused Cherrifire sharing her gold with him.
Some nights, he still wakes up not knowing where he is, some nights he spends rest of his awake hours in Rue bar until sun rises, but it’s safe to say that whatever affect Rogue God had on him starts to lift and from the look of his friends’ faces, he’s been doing better.
But just like everything in 4C’s life goes, his peace is fleeting and slips away from him in a moment’s notice.
After all, all stories need to have a plot twist. A breaking point, a cliffhanger!
A mace dropper, if you will.
And it starts like this:
He didn’t mean to.
It’s a great day, really. Sun is shining just right, he watches Katie’s curly hair sway to the side with the light breeze as she stands in the middle of a field of lilacs and roses. It’s a great day and Katie’s expression grows more and more concerned as time goes by. It’s a great day and she opens her mouth to say something- but 4C can’t hear her over the ringing of his ears. His body feels vaguely disconnected from his feet in that moment as he mulls the new information over and over.
She knows.
He didn’t mean for her to know. 4C was the one who told her. He didn’t realise- He didn’t mean to reveal Nom’s oath break to Katie. Nom trusted him with one thing. One thing. He swears he didn’t mean to-
Well, it doesn’t matter now, does it? What can he even do now, after having betrayed his best friend, his brother?
“It’s your story to share too. You should tell him the truth.”
But he can’t, he can’t, he doesn’t know how it’s going to affect Nom, he doesn’t know how it’s going to affect himself. A voice that sounds a little like the Rogue God and a lot like himself echoes in his head, There’s no point. You should’ve just stayed in that swamp.
And so, he does what any man who climbed out of Hell a week ago would do, he lies. The blame is shifted onto Graecie (4C has never seen her that angry before), smiles are easily given, talks on top of gazebos are had. Everything is normal and 4C doesn’t flinch every time Nom calls for him, doesn’t fidget with his cloak as he talks about trust, doesn’t clasp his hands where he knows there are scars left from clutching onto bedrock. It might be all his fault but they can fix this, he can fix this, Nom will understand, and 4C keeps pretending he doesn’t see the concerned stares Katie throws his way.
All he needs to do is be brave and confront Nom, talk to him and confess all his mistakes. He just needs to be brave about this and-
“You’re a coward. You are a fucking coward.”
And just like that, with bloodstains on the paper, another chapter closes.